Rain
by Whistling Willows
Summary: Emily knew all the little tidbits that made him so obviously Mark Sloan. She knew he was allergic to coconuts, had chicken pox when he was six, and how he held his scalpel. She was his best friend and that was that. She didn't think he was the love of her life until she did and he realized and he loved her back and they went from there. MARK/OC (Warnings inside, REWRITE COMPLETE)
1. Initiation

**WARNING: THE MAJOR PAIRING IN THIS WILL BE A MARK/OC. DON'T LIKE DON'T READ.**

 **2/09/17: This isn't really a couple-centric fic except for Mark/OC although there is a slight sprinkling of other couples we love in the show (MERDER, JAPRIL, ETC) but this isn't about them but more on the growth of our OC as she becomes an attending. Right now, these chapters aren't the best but as we go through the chapters, they'll flow better. Guest viewers, identify yourself so I can properly acknowledge your reviews and feedback (stay consistent!)**

 **NOW FEATURED IN THE ULTIMATE OCS COMMUNITY.**

 **ENJOY.**

 _Each of you comes here today hopeful. Wanting in on the game._

She should not have gotten drunk at that mixer. Nope. She shouldn't. A pounding headache made her off balance as Emily reached for aspirin. Gulping it down with water, she shoved her toast into her mouth. Grabbing her keys, she ran to her car, slamming the door closed as soon as she got in. Her older brother always told her life was a game, fun and unpredictable like a pair of dice. But she was only seven. He never told her about the losing bits. Like right now, with a banging hangover. As the green light turned red, she slowed, grabbing the elastic from around her wrist and tying it into a messy ponytail.

But she couldn't deny the excitement. Today, she was going to work at a hospital. A real hospital, with real bodies. She was giddy in her car seat, hands clenched around the wheel. When she finally pulled into the hospital parking, she took a last look at her reflection.

 _A month ago you were being taught by doctors. Today, you are the doctors._

She bit on the granola bar. Scrunching up the wrapper, she sighed at the gooey chocolate. Throwing it away, she grabbed the white coat. It felt strange, the fabric cold around her shoulders. And her scrubs, light blue and thin. She patted down her pockets, filling one with a notepad and a pen, another with a spare granola bar.

 _The seven years you spend as a residency will be the best and worst of your life. You will be pushed to the breaking point._

She drank the last sip of her coffee. Frowning, she looked down at her cup. She would need more. Way more. Emily released her hair from its messy ponytail.

 _Look around you. Say hello to your competition._

"Hey," She slammed her locker closed, wrapping her stethoscope around her neck. She smiled. She could get use to this. Her fingers trailed the stitching. Seattle Grace. The blonde next to her looked up from where she shrugged on her labcoat. The asian woman looked over as well.

"Hey," The blonde replied. "You're Emily, right? Only six females out of twenty,"

"Right. Meredith?" The blonde nodded, lips quirking up a bit as she adjusted her scrubs.

"I heard one of them is a model,"

"You're Cristina, right?" But she didn't reply as a male voice called out for interns.

"Which resident you get assigned to? I got Bailey," She informed, tying her hair back. Emily twisted her hair into the bun as she sighed.

"Same." The brunette grinned as Meredith leaned against the lockers.

"The Nazi? Me too,"

"You got the Nazi? So did I?" A male's voice made them turn their heads to a brunet who closed his locker. His attention seem to focus on Meredith as he recited her mixer outfit. Her smile grew as he concluded they thought he was gay. As Cristina left with a disbelieving 'mhm', Emily saw Meredith's grin appear. She heard her name called, leaving the two alone until she saw Meredith leave George hanging.

 _Eight of you will switch to an easier specialty, five of you will crack under the pressure, two of you will be asked to leave_

Emily adjusted her head against the window, sitting on the sill. One knee bent up, she rested her chin on the raised knee. Her fingers played with her shoelaces as George sat beside her. They didn't say anything until she spoke.

"Bad day?"

"The worst,"

It was silent after that. Meredith found them, sitting next to her. Crossing her legs, the blonde slid her eyes closed for one second, opening them. George's eyes slid to her form before focusing on the pavement. The green-eyed woman sat silent for a few more minutes. "I wish I wanted to be a chef. Or a ski instructor or a kindergarten teacher."

"You know, I would have been a really good postal worker. I'm dependable," George removed his hand from his cheek, letting it drop limply off his knee." The two girls let out a chuckle. "You know, my parents tell everyone they meet that their son's a surgeon. As if it's a big accomplishment - superhero or something," The brunet paused. Emily glanced at him, twirling the extra granola bar in her pocket. "If they could see me now," Offering it to the man, she smiled tiredly. Meredith spoke on her other side, looking off to the distance.

"When I told my mother I wanted to go to medical school, she tried to talk me out of it - said I didn't have what it takes to be a surgeon, that I'd never make it." Meredith's eyes faced forward again, and her voice was weighed with more exhaustion. "So the way I see it, superhero sounds pretty damn good." George seemed to think about it, opening the bar slowly.

"Your mother was the opposite of mine," Emily started slowly, letting her brown curls hide her face as she leaned forward. She fiddled her thumbs as their gazes turned on her, "She researched everything she could, from med schools to residencies, so I could do my best. She forced books on me, making me memorize terms that I didn't need to learn yet." She shook her head, "It annoyed the heck out of me. But," She shrugged, "what's done is done."

"We're gonna survive this, right?" George asked, sighing. Emily turned her gaze to the brunet. Meredith said nothing as the brunette laid a hand on his shoulder.

"No promises,"

 _This is your starting line. This is your arena._

"You're interns. Grunts. Nobodies. Bottom of the surgical food chain. Run labs, write orders, work every second night until you drop and don't complain!" Emily looked out the glass panes and down below to the nurses station. Everything was so big, so much realer.

 _How well you play? That's up to you._

Emily was silent as it continued beeping. George looked at them. Watched his fellow interns leave the gallery. She felt a pang of remorse. From what she read, the first solo surgery was meant for them to fail. George was just their unlucky pig.

"No one's calling you 007." Emily mumbled along with Izzie and Meredith. Exhaustion weighed at her eyes she glanced at her coffee.

"I was on the elevator, Murphy whispered '007'," George told them, rolling around in his wheelchair. She frowned, glancing at the book in her lap. Trauma protocols. She rested her head against the bricks. If she could close her eyes for just a second…

"You know, how many times do we have to go through this, George? Five? Ten? Give me a number or I'll hit you."

"Murphy whispered '007' and everyone laughed," He called after her. Izzie intervened with a weak lie. Which George found out. Easily.

"007 is a state of mind," Cristina called from the vending machine.

"Says the girl who finished first in her class at Stanford," He retorted, rolling away from her. The air was filled with a pager beeping as he finished. Emily looked at her pager at her hip, but realized it wasn't hers, closing her eyes again as Meredith ran off.

.

"Meredith? Cristina?" Emily saw the Asian woman run after the blonde. "What's going on?" She was ignored completely as the blonde walked out into the pouring rain. Staying relatively close to the door, she waited. Meredith walked in, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, followed by Cristina.

"I saved a life," The intern bit out, walking fast, past her and the station.

.

"That's why," Emily muttered as Dr. Shepherd walked in.

"Good morning," A quiet course of morning filled the air as he explained the case. Emily nudged Meredtih, who seemed to be staring way too hard.

"What's up with you?" She whispered, tapping her foot. The blonde sent her a look, and she was silenced.

"I need you to play detective. I need you to find out why Katie is having seizures. I know you're tired, you're busy. You got more work than you could possibly handle. I understand. So I'm gonna give you an incentive."

.

Emily flipped through the files stacked in the library.

"What about an aneurysm?" Cristina asked, as if to fix an awkward silence. Trying to find the source, she finally found the two sitting at the bottom of a shelf.

"No blood on the C.T., and no headaches." Emily butted in, grabbing a book from off the shelf. Cristina sent her a glare, as Meredith kept looking down at her file.

"There's no drug use, no pregnancy, no trauma." Meredith threw the file onto a short pile in front of her.

"God, it's like a lost cause," Emily mumbled, letting her eyes close again. She blocked out their talk about the 'Miss Teen whatever' until Meredith was silent. "What is it, Meredith?" Her eyes meet the blonde's green ones.

"Get up." A smile spread across her face.

"You found an answer." The light in Meredith's eyes confirmed her suspiscions. Now, all they had to do was find Dr. Shepherd.

 **A/N: Thoughts?**


	2. Noah

"Why do you have a poster up for roommates if you don't want roommates?" Emily asked, rolling her eyes. She reached for the coffee cup in the cardboard holder. Her hand was smacked by a glaring Meredith's. She glanced at where Bailey was, "Sucking up, now?"

"I do want roommates."

"That's not what you said. Besides," she added, "We're together a hundred hours a week. We won't even see each other like ever."

"Exactly. I just a few people to liven up the place. You want to live together?" Emily shrugged as Cristina joined them.

"I see you bringing bribes now, huh?" The woman snarked as George made his sales pitch, followed by Izzie's. The blonde turned to Emily, who raised an eyebrow from where she ate a chocolate granola bar.

"What?"

"Why aren't you saying anything?" Meredith gave her a glance and she furrowed her eyebrows.

"I have my own place! _What_?"

"Nothing. I just want two total strangers who I don't have to talk to, or be nice to, and it's not a bribe, it's a mocha latte," She explained, sending a glare to every one of her friends and strolling up to their resident. The black woman handed out assignments crisply and orderly.

"George, you're running the code team. Meredith, take the trauma pager. Cristina, deliver the weekend labs to the patients. Izzie, you're on sutures. Emily, you're on scut." The short woman continued to the stairs as Meredith tried to bribe their resident. Emily sighed, rolling her eyes.

"Totally not a bribe," She muttered under her breath and was rewarded with a Bailey speech about her unhappiness. "'Course, Dr. Bailey," As Cristina muttered something to Meredith, the black woman disappeared, and the brunette turned to the station to gather files and cases for scut. Lab look ups, rewriting messy reports. Fun day for her.

.

"Can you page someone? I need a neuro consult." She glanced up, blinking several times to adjust her eyes to the bright lights. A man was standing in front of her, a cocky expression across his face.

"Ask a nurse, I'm busy," She returned to the binder in front of her, resting her head on her hand. She twirled a pen in her left hand as the man still stood in front of her, annoyed.

"Ask a nurse, I'm asking one," Her head snapped up. She may have been only wearing her scrubs but she was clearly _not a nurse._ "So can you page neuro or not?"

"I am not a nurse. So find a nurse and ask them. I am a _surgeon._ " She stressed the word. His smirk got cockier, if that was any possible. "You must be Karev. The guy who thought Meredith was a nurse." The man's smile faltered. "Not every woman is a nurse in this hospital, Karev. Learn respect or I'll force it down your throat." She stacked up the binders, walking away to a more secluded location. The tunnels.

.

She rested the binder in her lap, open on the freshest lab. No drugs. She bit her lip. Then what was it? Her phone vibrated. _Busy?_ A text read. Save it for her brother to worry.

 _:im fine stop worrying:_

 _:thats a funny joke:_

 _:youre a funny joke:_

 _:feelings hurt:_

 _:good:_

 _:ouch sis someone's cranky:_

 _:no sleep had to stay at our cramp apartment:_

 _:find a place:_

 _:not that easy not everyone is hotshot surgeon:_ She sent this with a annoyed emoji _:royal inbreds are here like meredith grey ykno ellis greys kid:_

 _:so youre hiding your royalty?:_

 _:pretty much itd be worse for me if they knew the Noah Moore, world class doctors without borders doctor guy is my brother:_ Emily paused. She missed her brother dearly but she knew that he was needed in Africa. For little kids.

 _:hows residency anyways?:_

 _:good made friends:_

 _:what are friends:_

 _:funny:_

 _:i try anyway i know its early and its like your second day but you should consider peds as a specialty:_

 _:and become you? Nah:_

 _:excuse me i am still young and cool:_

 _:sure cause being 36 is not ripe and old:_ She grinned at what her brother's face would be, _:gotta go scuts got me busy and baileys gonna kill me if i dont finish:_

 _:i gotta go anyways saving kids and all that:_

 _:i hate you:_

 _:you love me envy isnt pretty on you lil sis:_

 _:you dont think anything is pretty on me:_

 _:true:_

 _:maybe ugly you are pretty ugly:_ Another ding. Another text from her brother. Shaking her head, she typed her reply.

 _:i get why youre single:_

 _:i literally have 2 kids:_

Smiling, she set the phone beside her, checking the time. Only a young 10:49. Sighing, she stretched out her back, deciding to finish up this binder and going to another nurse's station to work.

.

"What's that?" George's voice made her look up from where she ordered another lab for an old man who was coughing and wasn't responding to meds.

"Don't ask; you don't want to know." Meredith replied, settling the red box on the counter. She grabbed a few files. George persisted and Emily looked up.

"Why? Is it like a penis or something?" The curly-haired woman asked jokingly. Meredith froze, staring at her.

"Severed." The blonde added helpfully, clicking a pen as Meredith walked into the office. Emily tilted her head as George suppressed a shudder.

"I didn't really want to know,"

Two voices continued behind her, making her turn. Karev and Cristina were walking behind her, discussing what seemed to be a _hug?_ "Since when does the possession of ovaries become an insult?" She asked, leaning against the doorway.

"Meredith's carrying a penis in a jar,"

"From the rape surgery?"

"Yeah and it's not a jar," Meredith corrected him, exiting the office. "It's a cooler." Cristina opened it, as if wondering if it could be sewn back on.

"Talk about taking a bite out of justice," The Asian remarked, following after Karev with a file. Meredith grabbed the cooler, bringing it with her back into the office. Emily watched as George followed her movement with her eyes before facing forward again. Smiling, she turned to the brunet who took the gesture as encouragement.

"It's sick and twisted… have you been doing it without me?" Bits of their conversation piqued her interest as Emily stood.

"Doing what?" She popped up behind George, who yelped. "Please tell me you aren't jumping each other's bones."

"No!" They yelled.

"Do you know what happened if anyone knew?" Meredith added, staring at George, who walked over pulling Meredith's chair along with him.

"I'm doing it," The intern's grin appeared. "You can come with me, or you can stay here and be miserable." She chuckled as she left the penis. Emily gaped in complete confusion and shock, following them quickly.

.

Babies. Utterly cute babies.

.

"You are so picky," Emily mumbled as they walked away from the three interns who had wanted the house.

"I need good roommates. Ones with proper taste in music." Emily shrugged, sipping her coffee.

"Ah. So you _are_ being picky." Meredith hummed, parting ways with the brunette as Emily made her way to drop off her charts.

.

"Who here feels like they have no idea what they're doing?"

Emily raised her hand, glancing at Alex who didn't. Rolling her eyes, she used his body as a pillow, resting her head in his lap. He scowled, trying to bump her off, but she firmly resisted.

"I mean, are we supposed to be learning something? Because I don't feel like I'm learning anything."

"Except how not to sleep."

"It's like there's this wall. The attendings and residents are over there, being surgeons, and we are over here, being…"

"Suturing, code-running, lab-delivering penis minders." Meredith finished for Cristina.

"I hate being an intern." Alex muttered.

"I hate being near you," Emily retorted, "But I'm prepared to be the bigger person. Besides, you're a squishy pillow. Do you work out?" She added snidely. Bailey appeared around the corner, a disbelieving expression on her face. They all stood, leaving the tunnels hastily. _Don't mess with the Nazi._

.

Another buzz at her hip signaled another notification. Her lock screen was lit up and she let the corners of her mouth quirk up at her background. It always made her do that. Smile, and remember that time. Her brother's big grin as he held his newborn baby boy as she played with her hands. Noah's wife had been behind the camera, framing their sibling bond. Expecting it to be from her brother, she was not disappointed.

 _:forgot to ask you if derek works at SG:_

 _:derek?:_

 _:some might know him as dr. shepherd neuro:_

 _:yeah why:_

 _:hanging out with old buds:_ An attachment followed it. She opened the picture, and was greeted with a picture of her brother, a pretty woman with curly red hair and a handsome man with blue eyes. They were all smiling and happy.

 _:oh so you do have friends:_

 _:shut up and ask derek to call me:_

 _:ill try:_

She glanced up from her fellow interns who stared at Meredith. "Okay, fine, George and Izzie, you can move into the house." The mentioned interns cheered, disbelieving tones in their voices. "I can't believe I caved," The blonde repeated Izzie's words, her voice quiet. Cristina glanced over her shoulder, at the infants and their adorableness. The brunet and blonde danced off.

"I blame the babies. They make you toxic," The black-haired woman passed Meredith, walking down the hall. Which left just Meredith and Emily. The curly-haired woman walked up beside Meredith, chancing a glance at her.

"They'll be good roommates," She stated confidently, sticking her hands into her pockets. "Besides," She shrugged, "if Izzie bakes, that's more food for you. God, they are so cute," Emily added, in reference to the babies.

"I'm waiting to see how long it takes for me to regret my decision." Meredith joked and she chuckled. Emily watched one baby reach for bare air, her smile becoming warm.

"I gotta go find Dr. Shepherd. See you, Meredith,"

"See ya." The brunette walked down the hall the way Cristina went, towards the locker rooms. "You really are toxic," The blonde repeated, smiling as the babies continued to coo.

.

There he was. Dr. Shepherd. About to enter the elevator as Meredith walked away, her smile secret. He was talking after her, a grin wide across his mouth. "No self-control. It's sad. Really," He shook his head minutely, slipping his phone back into his pocket.

"Dr. Shepherd," Emily called, running after him, "Hold the doors," The man stood in the way of the elevator doors as he waited. "Thanks," She breathed, walking into the elevator. Her hazel eyes scanned his form as he entered, debating if now was a good time to tell him. He had a friendly smile upon his face as he nodded to her. Her phone was just in her bag and no one else was in the elevator as she pressed one. "Dr. Shepherd," She started and he turned to her, "you know my brother." She internally winced. That was forward.

"Do I now?" He asked, "Would it be one Noah Moore?" At her shock, the neurosurgeon smiled broadly. "Your eyes are a lot like your brother's. What about him?"

"He worries," She informed him vaguely, shrugging, "You should call more often, sir,"

"Derek."

"What?"

"My name. Officially, we are off work and I feel obliged to befriend his little sister."

"No need, sir." Emily offered a small smile, "But he did send me a picture. He said he was hanging out with old friends," She took out her phone, enlarging the attachment. She bit her lip nervously as Derek tilted the phone towards him for a better view. His smile vanished, his cordial blue eyes turning dark. The elevator dinged, signalling that the doors were about to open. He pulled away, walking rather quickly away from her. Gaping, she followed after him, calling, "Dr. Shepherd!" He ignored her, walking to his car. Emily growled in frustration, calling him again.

"Go,"

"No." Her own answer shocked her. But she kept her ground, "No, I will not 'go'. Noah worries because you moved across the country without a single word. Dr. Shepherd," Her tone quietened, "I know enough about you from my brother. I attended your wedding when I was only fifteen. You married Addison, the redhead and you were best friends with Mark. He was your best man. The one with blue eyes. Noah brought me as his plus one because our parents couldn't make it." The cerulean-eyed man paused, his hand on his car door handle.

"I remember," His words were faint and Emily had to squint against the setting sun.

"I don't remember much. It was long ago, but everyone said you'd last forever. And you sung that song. I thought love was real when I saw you two." Her eyes slid closed, memories flashing before her eyes. She remembered whispering to her brother that they'd have cute babies and he had laughed. "I thought maybe happily ever existed," She saw him nod, slowly.

"That's in the past," He opened the door, throwing his bag in before walking around to the driver's side.

"I know my brother told you." She started, "My brother would tell you everything. So I know he would tell you that my dad cheated on my mom. I come back for break from high school and I come home to see my mom crying and my dad gone. And I'll never forget the way she looked when she told me. The way my brother looked, like he wanted to kill him. You look like them now, Derek,"

The neurosurgeon paused, his hand resting on the open door. He seemed to be deep in thought before looking up. "Get in," She was taken back.

"What?"

"Get in," He repeated, lighter, friendlier. Two sides of the same coin, almost. "We're going to get drunk and call your brother."

"Is that a good idea?"

"No." She hesitated before walking to his car. The man got in, buckling his seatbelt.

"For the record," She said as soon as she got in, "I am totally not sleeping with you," Derek laughed at her serious expression. He started up the car, pulling out of the parking lot.

"Believe me, I've had enough of sleeping with interns,"

"Wait, what?"


	3. Dead Baby Bike Race

**A/N: This is mostly a Derek/Emily friendship chapter. Enjoy anyways!**

"I'm tired," Emily grumbled, resting her head against the counter. Derek walked behind her, buttoning up his shirt, "I don't like being friends with you. You show me crappy movies and drag me away from my actual _intern friends._ " She glanced at the clock on the microwave. "We've been doing this for a week and I can't work on two hours of sleep per day."

"Oh," He smiled, raising his eyebrows. "Well, eat breakfast and we'll get coffee," The fish did smell appetizing. Pushing herself up, she frowned at her wrinkled clothes. Her sweater was riding up her side and she pushed it down again. Pulling a fork deftly with her left hand, she dragged the plate closer, spearing some meat and shoving it in her mouth.

"You know," She mumbled as she chewed, "that's not enough. I've had coffee every single day and I'm still exhausted. But, having you as a cook has its perks,"

"What is that suppose to mean," He asked, shoving a binder into his bag. "Finish or you'll be late," The neurosurgeon added as an afterthought. Big brother Derek always trying to keep his siblings on time.

"It means," She munched purposefully on her last bite, "that you're a good chef. Take it as a compliment, Derek." The man grabbed her dish, washing it quickly. He leaned across the counter before reeling back, nose scrunched up.

"You need to shower," He told her, grabbing his jacket off the hook. "You smell like alcohol. Old alcohol." When she still didn't move, he grabbed her, dragging her towards his small shower.

"Fine," She supported her own weight, pulling her shirt over her head. He smiled amusedly, walking to the exit.

"I'll wait for you in the car," He threw his keys, catching them before walking out. Sighing, she shed herself of all her clothes, stepping into the cold shower. Shivering, she lathered her hair quickly, soaping up her hands and washing her body. As she did so, the water warmed and she regretted leaving the warm haven. Awake now, she grabbed a clean towel, wrapping it securely around her head as she put on her old clothes again. Deciding that her hair wouldn't be too slow to dry, she grabbed her own jacket, running into Derek's car.

"Hey," She said breathlessly, pulling her hair from under her shirt.

"You're dripping all over my car,"

"At least I smell good." She returned playfully as he started up the engine.

.

"Dr. Bailey," Emily greeted as she walked up to the crosswalk.

"Morning, Dr. Bailey," Derek addressed and the resident raised a hand to silence him.

"Shut up,"

"You realize that I'm an attending and you're only a resident - that you work for me, right?" Emily laughed at Derek's surprised tone.

"Leave it to you to pull rank. Be her intern, no one says no to Bailey. Or tells her otherwise," The brunette told Derek. Her own coffee warmed her fingers as she sipped it gratefully.

"I know I've forgotten something," The short-haired woman continued in her thoughts, "Something is happening today. I know I should know what it is, but I just can't…" She trailed off, looking around for clues. Derek shared a look with Emily who shrugged.

"Alright, nice talking with you, Bailey,"

"It's right in front of my face,"

"Oh, my god." Emily froze, her eyes wide, "it's the Dead Baby Bike Race,"

"Watch out!" Bailey grabbed the neurosurgeon's arm, pulling him back. Men on bikes raced past them, whooping and hollering, cars beeping at them. Men crashed into obstacles, groaning in pain as Emily huddled closer to Derek and Bailey. "Dr. Shepherd, watch out," As a man crashed near their feet, Derek jumped out of the way. "Watch out," They flailed around, probably looking idiotic but safe.

"And people wonder why men have a shorter life expectancy than women," Emily mused out loud, amusement upon her face.

.

"Fools on bikes killing themselves. Natural selection is what it is," Her resident muttered, annoyance laced through her tone.

"So what's up with the Nazi? Is she off her meds?" Alex asked, rubbing his jaw.

"You never heard of the race?" George asked in disbelief. Izzie hummed cheerily as she walked beside the brunette, Emily swinging her arms in her pockets. They passed the O.R. board, where Burke, the Chief, and Derek were standing. Relaying the message of the Dead Baby Bike Race to the staff, the Chief clapped his hands to emphasize his point as their group continued onwards to the elevators. Alex, still in confusion, glanced at them for an explanation. George launched forward to fill any of his questions, his friends filling in any details.

Shrugging off her lab coat, she threw it onto a hook. Grabbing a trauma gown, she tied it around her waist. "Don't you wonder why someone would name a bar something so disgusting?" Izzie asked incredulously, her face twisted in disgust. Cristina smiled, jabbing her fingers into her side.

"Keep your pants on, Nancy Drew," Izzie made an offending sound as Emily tied her neck tie with a few stumbles.

"The race is completely illegal and-"

"-crazy," Meredith finished for him, rolling her eyes. "A bunch of bike messengers racing against traffic, trying to beat each other for free shots of tequila,"

"All-out, no-holds-barred, competition sounds like fun," Alex said, unwrapping his trauma gown. Emily rolled her eyes, spinning him around and tying his trauma gown for him.

"Yeah, you'd think that. I bet it's pretty fun when you break bones too, huh? Race doesn't even have rules." She added, as George shook his head, tying his own neck tie.

"Except eye-gouging. No eye-gouging," He gestured clawing, as if digging his fingers into an eye. Laughing, the hazel-eyed woman smacked him lightly.

"We're gonna be trapped in the pit band-aiding idiots when we could be in the O.R." Cristina voiced crossly, turning to tie Meredith's trauma gown. They made a line of tying knots as Emily and Alex waited.

"What kind of people engage in a race that has, as its only rule, that you can't rip out the eyeballs of another human being?" George asked doubtfully, almost skeptically. Emily herself was doubting the men's intelligence as she slapped on a pair of gloves.

"Men, Georgie, men," Alex said superiorly, his hands on his hips. Emily sighed, having already enough of Karev for one day.

"Guess you're not a man, then," Emily snapped as their resident rounded the corner.

"I need someone to get up on the O.R. floor. The Chief needs a right hand." Every interns' hand shot up. Except Meredith's. Disappointment filled the air as George was picked. The resident explained trauma rules efficiently, as she did most things. She left with a warning, one most wouldn't follow. Running after her resident, she nearly tripped. A gurney rolled past them, a man bandaged around his abdomen and arm. Her eyes scanned his injuries eagerly as reached the pit. Emily and Cristina spotted a patient, Izzie hurrying after them, immediately disregarding Bailey's rules as Alex and Meredith charged for another. Patients just kept rolling in.

.

"Unidentified John Doe, mid thirties, pedestrian," Cristina reported as she handed Derek a scan. "Hit by a motorist swerving to avoid a bike. G.C.S 3, pupils fixed and dilated. Atropine given for a pulse in the forties. B.P one-eighty-three over one-twelve. Pulse ox ninety eight percent." Handing another scan to Burke, Cristina let Izzie present.

"Chest showed widened mediastinum and head C.T. revealed cerebral edema. He's gotten seventy of mannitol, dexamethasone ten, and a gram of phenytoin."

"Get him to the O.R.?" Cristina asked a bit eagerly as Burke turned to his fellow attending.

"Is he gorked?"

"Looks like it,"

With a solemn face, Burke turned to the interns. "The bike race claims its first victim. I'll make my triple-a repair after all," He added with a look at his watch.

"Uh, Dr. Shepherd, he's not going into the O.R.?" Glancing up, Derek shook his head minutely.

"No, do an E.E.G. and confirmatory tests. If he doesn't respond in six hours, declare him." He grabbed the clipboard, signing it quickly. Leaving with a quick glance at the body, he slid the pen back into his pocket.

"Declare him?" Izzie asked, unsure. "Declare him what?" Emily finally found her voice as she piped up.

"Brain dead," Sighing, she left the room, slamming the scans onto the waste bin. "Damn," She whispered to herself. Today was not starting out well.

.

"Absent corneal reflexes," Cristina informed them as she straightened. Izzie checked the time.

"It's been fifty-five minutes. If he doesn't respond to these tests in the next five hours, what? We're suppose to just stand here and watch him die?" She asked, disbelievingly. Emily's foot tapped on the floor, staring at her watch. It ticked, as it always did.

"We don't watch him die if he's already dead, Izzie. He's already gone," She inputted, interrupting Cristina who had opened her mouth to say something. Scoffing, Izzie looked over the clipboard.

"Technically, legally."

"Actually, Izzie. Actually dead."

"He's still breathing, he has a heartbeat." Izzie protested, glancing at the monitor.

"His E.E.G. shows no higher brain-function. He won't be the same person he was before," Emily murmured, grabbing her stethoscope and listening to his heart. "There's no one in there."

"Think like a doctor, Izzie," Cristina berated, crossing her arms. Izzie still remained defiant, staring at the John Doe's face.

"He could wake up. What about a miracle? There are medical miracles, you know." Moving her stethoscope, she glanced up at the blonde.

"I know. You're right. Miracles happen." A new voice cut in. Derek entered the room, "That's why we do a series of tests over a set number of hours," He walked to the bedside as Emily looked at him from the other side of the bed, "so when we call 'time of death', we know we've done everything to make sure," He cut off, nodding, "it's actually his time of death." He listened with his own stethoscope. Grabbing his flashlight, he raised his eyelids, "That there isn't going to be any miracles." Reaching for the chart, he was given it and signed it again.

"This is the hard part, isn't it? Being a surgeon and not cutting into him?" Emily asked, making Derek look at her. "When my brother said that being a surgeon isn't fun and games. We slice people open to make them better but right now? We can't. 'Do no harm.'" Nodding, Derek's eyes were downcast before flicking up to meet each of their gazes. Clicking his pen, he left.

"I wish he'd just go into the light already," Cristina muttered impatiently, "so I can get on another case," Izzie looked at her in masked shock and the black-haired woman met her gaze. "Oh, I'm the devil because I'd rather be in surgery, instead of standing watch over the death squad?"

"It's depressing," Emily said, holding onto the bed rails. She ignored Izzie's rambling of how this was a waste of life as Cristina finally understood.

"It'd be a waste of organs," The asian woman mistook the blonde's words, leaving.

"That's not what I meant," The intern mumbled. Nodding sympathetically, Emily squeezed her arm in consolidation.

.

"Hey," Emily nodded to Derek, who was signing a chart beside her. Giving it to the nurse behind the counter, he turned to her.

"Hey," She flipped through her own chart, sighing as she saw the E.E.G. results. John Doe wasn't going to wake up. "Aren't you suppose to be watching your John Doe?"

"Yeah. Izzie's sitting with him now." She closed the binder, thinking. "She's right. Izzie, I mean. He belonged to someone, he was alive this morning, maybe saying goodbye to his wife and kids. Next thing he knows is that he's hit because some guy on a motorcycle was trying not to hit another guy on a bike. Isn't that just, unfair?" She asked, rambling. Her hand gestures were frantic as she stared up at him.

"Guess that's how life is," He replied as her eyes stung. "Emily, it's alright,"

"What if it's one of us? If it was Noah? Or you?" She gasped, breathing hard. "I don't want to die alone, Derek. I don't," She told him, holding onto his coat. "No one deserves to die alone,"

"You won't," He promised, pulling her into a hug. "You aren't going to. I promise," Her ear pressed against his chest as she calmed, arms around his waist. Pulling back, she looked up at him, "Shh, it's okay," She untangled her arms, stepping back. Swiping at her cheeks awkwardly, she had her eyes downcast.

"Promise?"

"As long as you promise me," He returned, playfully with a hint of seriousness.

"'Course," She gave him a watery grin, turning to walk down the hall. Back to her John Doe. Cristina met her in a hallway.

"Hey,"

"Hey. Izzie's hell-bent on trying to find his family," Emily gave her a weird glance.

"I wouldn't want to die alone," The brunette remarked, rolling her eyes to stop tears from coming out again, "thinking everyone's abandoned you."

"Yeah, whatever. He's dead already. Bailey said if we get consent we can do a harvest surgery," That piqued her interest, distracting her.

"Really? But really, I mean-"

"Yeah, and shut up. You're turning into Izzie. I do not need a second Izzie."

"I am _not_ a second Izzie,"

.

"Oh, my god," Emily cried as the tumor was removed. This was their fifth surgery tape and they were still going strong after Izzie had gone up, as Meredith grinned. "How heavy is that thing?" She asked, taking a swig of her beer.

"I remember watching this one," She started, voice tipsy, "Maybe five pounds, ten probably," The bottle was empty as she rested her head on George's shoulder who was struggling to stay awake. The tape ended as Dr. Grey closed the wound. The blonde stood, stumbling a bit to reach for the remote.

"Hey, Mer, maybe you should go upstairs. I've got it. George?" She prodded the brunet awake. He started, blinking blearily. "Go sleep in your bed, and maybe drag your roommate up with you," She gestured to Meredith who deflated in her couch. Watching them ascend, she held back a yawn, stacking their snack bowls and dropping them in the sink before collapsing on the couch, sleep immediately claiming her.

 **A/N: Edited - March 13, 2018**


	4. Brother Dearest

"What's got you up and jumpy?" Emily asked, seeing Derek who had a wide smile spread across his face. "Your happiness is blinding me," She told him, signing off a chart.

"You're in a sour mood," He pointed out, pushing the elevator button. "I had a date," Turning to him, her eyebrows arched.

"Really? So old Shepherd still has game? Is it the intern you slept with?" She poked, as he let out a short laugh, looking down before glancing at the elevator buttons. It dinged as they passed another floor. "You need to tell me who it is,"

"Why? So you can tattle?"

"Like I'd tattle on you. No, so I can mock her endlessly," The doors opened. Stepping out with Derek, Emily kept pace with him, poking him with her finger. "Not even a hint?"

"No. And you won't get it out of me,"

"So what if I randomly guess? Cristina," He made a face. Laughing, she shook her head, "okay not Cristina. Izzie? No? Meredith?"

"This is completely against the rules," He protested, and she sighed.

"That didn't stop you before."

"I didn't know I was going to be working with her!"

"You know, you favor Meredith," She teased, knowing it was true. But it was fun to get a reaction as his blue eyes widened with shock.

"I do not!"

"She's been on most of your cases. Is she the one?"

"For the record," He started, placing a hand in his pocket, "we were both drunk and she took advantage of me."

"So, I am right!" She said smugly, pushing open a door to the cafeteria. Lining up, she peered at the options.

"Shouldn't you be working?" He asked pointedly, ordering a salad. Emily grinned as he grabbed a plastic fork, thanking the cashier.

"I had to run patient labs so I'm just waiting. Told them to page me when they're done. So are you guys a thing? Should I watch out?"

"Not yet," He finally caved, giving her the information. Scooping a piece of lettuce into his mouth, he stopped at a nurses' station.

"Not yet? You seem sure," She grinned. Her pager beeped and she scowled. Just as she was getting to the juicy bits. "Lab results. You aren't off the hook yet," She called, running down the hall.

.

The doors opened as Derek stood there. "Dr. Shepherd," Emily greeted, stepping out of the elevator as George and Meredith entered. "What a pleasant surprise,"

"See you later," He bid farewell to the blonde, bringing a piece of lettuce to his mouth. The doors closed and Emily let out a laugh at Derek's lost expression. "What?"

"Nothing. But this poor woman has something. Breast cancer." She waved the paper in her hands. "Derek, you look like you have something to say," The woman told him, flipping it over, rereading it.

"Is there something between O'Malley and Meredith?"

"Jealous?"

"I don't get jealous,"

"Really? 'Cause you face says otherwise," She sang, grabbing her patient's chart. "George might have a little crush on her, but it's nothing on her end. Don't worry, Derek, no one can compete with the hair," Were her parting words as she left, turning the corner.

.

"I'm worried about Meredith,"

"Are you now?" Emily hummed, from the head of the bed. She pushed the wheelchair along as the attending walked beside her. "Why?"

"She's distant, I feel like something happened during the CABG," Giving him a look, she continued pushing, hooking the IVs to the chemo. Saying goodbye to her patient, who smiled warmly at her, she left the Oncology wing as Derek continued to walk with her.

"You know I'm only an intern and you aren't suppose to hang out with interns. I'm busy with other cancer patients."

"But you're her friend."

"And I'm working. Ask her at the party,"

"I wasn't invited," That prompted a laugh from her.

"Poor you," She gave him a pouty face, walking into another room with a chart. She paused at the doorway, "Fine. But you owe me. I'll be right back," Clicking the pen, she continued deeper into the room, disappearing from sight to discharge a patient. "Congratulations, Mr. Jones," The sound of crying erupted in the room. "I'll leave you two alone," Exiting, she had a large smile that dropped to a smaller one as she spotted Derek waiting. "You're invited, blahblahblah. Okay? Even Bailey's invited so," She shrugged.

"That's not what I meant, but thanks," The neurosurgeon frowned, checking his watch. "It's nearly six, shouldn't you guys be getting ready for the party?"

"I might not go. Dinner date with brother dearest and his little baby on Skype seems way more interesting. Might as well make use of his break, he only takes those so often,"

"Mind if I join?"

"I just invited you to a party! Besides, Meredith will be there. You can come if the party's a total bust."

"Deal,"

"Gettem' Shepherd!" She called after him over her shoulder, walking towards the locker room. His laugh echoed down the hall.

.

"Hey, baby," She cooed again as she swallowed her takeout dinner. "What a cute baby you are," Her brother looked up from where he rocked his baby in his arms.

"Yeah, and more. Diaper changes and vomit. He's a real charmer." He said dryly before he laughed at her expression, "We have to take shifts and it's like my intern year all over again,"

"I'm exhausted," She told him, glancing around at her apartment, "I've never been so exhausted in my life. I'm being Derek's go to man, or, uh, woman. He's found someone," She lowered her voice to a whisper to add effect, waggling her eyebrows.

"Oh, really now? Who?"

"Can't tell," She winked, bringing another bite of food to her mouth, "maybe you can ask?" Noah's face split into a grin, before it faded. Settling his son somewhere out of the screen, he looked at his laptop camera.

"I know why Derek left now - Mark and Addie, they explained." He told her, letting his baby boy grab his index finger. "Are they getting a divorce?"

"I have no idea," She replied softly, stirring the pasta around in its bowl. "But he's happy here. With his ferryboats and his trailer. Noah, I don't think he's been happy in a long time," He hummed his agreement, glancing down at his fingers. Looking at the time, she was shocked. It was nearing twelve-twenty and they've been in a call for more than two hours. She held back a yawn, cracking her bones satisfyingly.

"Does lil' sis' need to go now? Night night time," He said in a hushed baby voice. Scowling, she threw her food into the trash.

"Yeah, got pre-rounds and I do not need you mocking me. I'm not a kid anymore, No',"

"You'll always be my little sister, Em,"

"I'm touched," She threw at him sarcastically, carrying her laptop into her bedroom and plugging it into the charger, which was basically right next to her.

"Reached real deep for that one," He returned easily, maneuvering his camera to focus on a sleeping Will in his cradle. "Isn't he the cutest?"

"Yeah, he really is," Emily mumbled, settling into her covers and placing her laptop on her thighs. "'Night, Noah. For real,"

"'Night, Em," The call ended and she shut her laptop, placing it on her bedside table.

 **A/N: Edited - March 13, 2018**


	5. Dr Montgomery-Shepherd

"If I stuck this fork into his thigh, would I get in trouble?"

"Not if you make it look like an accident." Meredith grinned as Emily and George walked up to their table.

"Hey," they greeted as their interns chorused their own greetings. Emily sat down next to Meredith and Izzie, picking up a fry, "Heard you got in on the tumor removal," she addressed Cristina.

"Yeah," Cristina affirmed as George stole a chair from another table.

"Thank God, man. I'm drowning in estrogen here," Alex muttered as George saw Meredith's downcast face. Asking if everything was okay, he sat down. Emily grinned at the brunet's concern, sharing a look with Izzie.

"Shepherd's a jackass,"

"Got him there," Emily laughed, popping another fry into her mouth. The other interns stared at her, and she realized her slip up, "What? It's true."

"Really? I think he's kind of great," Izzie opined, chewing. She smiled at the thought of the neurosurgeon.

"He reamed her out in front of Bailey," Cristina told them, pointing a lazy finger at Meredith.

"Why?"

"'Cause he's a jackass."

"Oh." George threw his tray onto the trash, letting it clatter as he faced the table again, "Well, bad days are… bad. Maybe tonight, uh, if, you know, if you drink alcohol, I mean," He stuttered. Emily sighed at his nerves, taking a drink through her straw. Alex rubbed his cheek, leaning back at the brunet's nervousness. Meredith stared, but no emotion showed through her green eyes. "We could - all of us, I mean, go out and drink alcohol… because of the bad day." The blonde forced a grin as her pager beeped. As she left, Alex nearly let out a remark before quickly being shut up by George.

"It's okay, George," Izzie comforted, rubbing a hand up and down his arm as Cristina let out a held-in laugh. Emily turned her head to her shoulder to hide her large smile.

"That was funny and embarrassing, on a whole new level, George," Cristina leaned back, laughter reverberating from her mouth. Scoffing, Alex threw food into his mouth. "You don't have a chance,"

"Cristina," Izzie hissed as George's face flushed even more. "Damn," Two pagers started beeping as Alex and Izzie checked their waist. "Let's go."

"And then there were three," Emily mused. "And I'm going to make it two. You guys have fun with the tumor. I'll try to make it," she added. She grabbed her tray, stacking it on the trash can, "but this guy fractured his legs and I have to check his casts," The brunette shrugged, tying her curly hair back up into a ponytail. She heard their farewells as she entered the hospital again. Taking the elevator, she arrived in the Ortho wing.

Arriving in the room, she opened the chart. Glancing at the bed, she watched as the man shifted in bed. "Mr. Turner, I'm just going to check your casts. Are you experiencing any discomfort…"

.

"Derek!" Emily called out and regretted it as soon as it came out of her mouth. The attending looked in her way, a shocked George beside him. "I mean," she stuttered, "Dr. Shepherd,"

"Yes?" He paused as she paused.

"Well, I mean, you are busy, so I'll just leave, now,"

"Dr. Moore, it's fine. Dr. O'Malley was simply updating me on a case." Hesitant, she continued her way up to him towards the elevator. After a pause, George continued his report on the little girl with continuous seizures in her left foot. The neurosurgeon grabbed the scans, looking at them after he pressed the elevator button. Ordering new ones, he turned to Emily.

"Paul Turner, admitted for a double leg fracture after a fall has been experiencing severe migraines and sensitivity to light. Dr. Miller wanted you for a consult immediately after your surgery," she recited, as the elevator doors opened. Derek gave her a tired look, entering the elevator.

"Of course." He blinked his eyes several times, using his hand to lean against the elevator wall.

"I'll order those scans," George told him. Nodding, Derek thanked the intern as Emily entered after the neurosurgeon. "Dr. Moore, can I speak with you?" Sharing a look with Derek, the brunette nodded slowly, leaving the elevator.

"Okay, but make it quick. Dr. Shepherd, I'll meet you in the Orthopedics wing," She turned to the man, who nodded, confused. Waiting for the doors to close, George raised a skeptical eyebrow, muttering. He grabbed her arm, dragging her down the hall, past O.R.s and nurses. Opening the door to the stairwell, he walked in urgently.

"Are you sleeping with Shepherd?"

"What? No!"

"Because 'Derek' is a bit more personal than I'd have pinned your relationship for. And," Coming closer, he sniffed her hair, "you smell like him. So if that's not-" Her finger forced him to shut up.

"I'm friends with Derek. My brother went to med school with him and yesterday he ditched me for Meredith, so y'know, not driving all the way for another hour to my house. He invests a lot in hair products."

"Wait, you know about-"

"Of course I do,"

"Well, okay."

"Okay." She took another step before turning around. "I need coffee, wanna come?"

"Yeah, okay, but I need those scans." They climbed the stairs together. "Is your brother Noah Moore?"

"You going to tell anyone?" She asked curiously as George shrugged. "You can, I don't mind, not anymore. It's just who I am."

"Your brother's fantastic."

"I only hope to be half as great as him." A smile came upon her face as she thought of her brother, oceans away. "I've looked up to him since forever."

.

Emily yawned, opening her eyes. Here she was, in her terribly small bed in her terribly small apartment. Her phone vibrated from where it laid on the floor, plugged into her charger. Grabbing it, she saw a text.

 _:merediths roommates think im a health nut:_

 _:you kinda are:_

 _:shut up:_

 _:youve been there for seven days:_

 _:so ive been told:_

 _:you gonna tell her about the trailer:_

 _:shes curious:_

 _:maybe i should show up on your bed naked when you do:_

 _:thats not funny:_

 _:ok it isnt but seriously you should tell her:_

 _:im thinking about it:_

.

"Dr. Bailey," Emily greeted as her resident and Cristina entered the pregnant woman's room. "Mr. Glass, as I was saying, the treatment options are drug therapy, chemo, surgery, and radiation, but with this stage of invasive carcinoma those are your only options."

"Can I wait until the end of my pregnancy?"

"The pregnancy hormones are likely to speed the growth of the cancer cells and none of these treatment options will allow the baby to survive." Cristina inputted as Bailey looked at the couple with concern.

"Mr. and Mrs. Glass, I know how hard this is for you,"

"No disrespect, but like Hell you do." Taken aback, Bailey bit her lip before continuing.

"You're going to have to make a decision as to how you want to proceed."

"You mean my baby's life or my own?"

"Yes." She paused as the pregnant woman laid back down on her bed, eyes glassy. "We'll have to evacuate the fetus." Exhaling deeply, Mrs. Glass held onto her husband's hand.

"We'll give you two time to decide," Leaving, Emily grabbed the chart, passing it to her resident.

.

"Hey, Mer," Emily greeted.

"Hey,"

"You've been running around with Shepherd lately," The brunette remarked lightly. The blonde gaped, trying to figure out an excuse. "Relax, I know. And for the record, I think it's cute." Pulling her sweater over her head, she shrugged off her pants, putting her pager in her locker.

"He's just not telling me anything." Her green eyes full of annoyance, she grabbed her bag. "And he sleeps at my house every night and I don't know what he does on his days off! He needs to tell me something,"

"And he will. Just wait it out, Mer. He will." Upon seeing the blonde's disgruntled expression, Emily sighed and said, "He came in second in his med school class. Second to Mark Sloan, his best friend. My brother came third." Tongue poking her cheek, she added, "My brother's Noah Moore, so… I guess it's kinda a big deal." Making sure her sweats were on securely, she slipped on her shoes. "You know they say patience is a virtue, right?"

"Whatever." Emily chuckled, heading for the door when Meredith called her name again. "Hey, Em. Thanks, by the way." The brunette shrugged with a smile and left, tucking a curl of hair behind her ear.

.

 _:addison keeps calling me:_

 _:did you answer:_

 _:no:_

 _:you should:_

 _:i know:_

 _._

"Derek, let her go,"

"No!"

"You should have told her about Addison. Before you got involved, you should've," Emily insisted, her grip like iron. "You should've been honest. You should've told her."

"I didn't know, I didn't," He hissed, breaking out of it and following after his ex.

"That doesn't mean you're innocent!" she exclaimed but he showed no signs of hearing her.

.

"Dr. Montgomery Shepherd," Emily greeted stiffly when she saw the redhead at the coffee cart. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Derek staring after Meredith. Ordering her own coffee, she watched the ginger pour cream into her own drink.

"Doctor…"

"Moore." At this, the attending smiled. Gripping her coffee, she turned to the intern.

"Noah's little sister. Yes, of course. He told me you worked here,"

"Yeah. And I'm going to be professional here, Dr. Montgomery Shepherd, but you hurt Derek. And hurting Derek hurt Meredith." That made the OB/GYN pause. "That's none of my business, I apologize."

"What's your point, Dr. Moore?"

"My point is," She heaved a sigh, "my point is that they were happy. And a lot of people liked them together, and like them as _people._ I respect you, so I'm warning you as a co-worker, and as your subordinate." With a nod, she grabbed her coffee and left.

.

"Ten Judy dolls? Gross,"

.

"Can't believe we're with the Shepherds," Izzie muttered as the doors opened, revealing the N.I.C.U.

"I can," Emily replied as they walked into the room the baby was in. Clearing her throat, she greeted the two doctors. This was going to be one Hell of a day.

.

As they argued for what seemed like the millionth time, Izzie made an excuse to leave, leaving Emily alone with the Shepherds. Betrayed, she gawked at Izzie who smiled apologetically. As the neurosurgeon left, the woman turned to her intern, seemingly shocked she was still here.

"Dr. Moore,"

"What is it that you need?"

"Monitor her stats and page me if she gets worse. I don't care what Derek says. I am fighting for her,"

"Of course, Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd, and for what it's worth, I'll fight too." That put a smile on the redhead's face, as small as it was.

"Thank you,"

.

"How are her labs?" Emily asked as Izzie wrote on the chart.

"Not good," the blonde informed, looking up briefly. The brunette frowned, glancing at their attending who was still by the baby's beside,

"What'd Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd say?"

"We might as well get ourselves reassigned."

"Maybe we could try in the morning?" She suggested, walking to the window.

"Maybe. She has a good grip,"

"Really?"

"Yeah,"

.

"Meredith," Emily wrapped an arm around the tear-stained blonde. "Come on, let's visit Cristina," She glanced over her shoulder, seeing Derek standing by himself. He seemed frozen in the spot after Meredith kissed him. "Then we can sleep, or we don't. We stay up all night and regret it tomorrow. Anything is better than out there."

"Okay," the blonde muttered. Resting her temple atop the shorter woman's head, Emily led her to her best friend's bedside, letting her sit down.

"Okay," she repeated. "I'm going to run labs and I'll be back soon." Nodding, the green-eyed woman settled herself down and stared at her friend's unmoving body. Watching, Emily left, her hazel eyes trained on the petite woman at all times.

 **A/N: Edited - June 25, 2018**


	6. Boys are Stupid

_Noah,_

 _Like, Okay. So Derek DIDN'T sign the divorce papers. Which makes me exponentially angry. And Jeremiah died, so Dr. Bailey is in a terrible mood. Jeremiah was like her really old patient/friend person. And Cristina lost her baby and she was like fine and then she wasn't and she wouldn't stop crying. I think she's okay now. Oh, and Ellis Grey was at our hospital, and George lost her twice._

 _Anyway, I probably shouldn't be using hospital computers to type emails but my texting bill just ran out and I haven't paid it yet. But just finished rounds as an update, and there was this guy with a herniated disk who was watching Nasty, Naughty Nurses 4 to release endorphins. Which… although an unusual kind of pain relief, is actually quite affective._

 _Gotta keep this short cause I'm with Montgomery-Shepherd today and she needs me to check up on a placental abruption patient. Take her to pre-op and all that. Hope you're staying safe whatever you're doing in New York and that you can respond soon._

 _With all my love,_

 _Emily_

.

"What was that?" Emily called as she walked up to Izzie, Cristina and Meredith, all in some state of sadness or annoyance. "The lights are shorting out." Izzie turned around, walking past her. "Uh, okay? Hi, Iz,"

"Boys are stupid."

"I know," She agreed, finally reaching the other two. Leaning over the rail, she glanced at them. As she approached, Meredith left, going down the stairs. "Well, okay then. Bye, Meredith,"

"Yep," Cristina muttered, glancing at her hands. Emily sighed, looking at the activity below. She spotted Meredith crossing the floor before straightening up. "Burke wants a relationship."

"I heard Derek didn't sign the divorce papers," she said under her breath. Cristina regarded her for a moment before turning to look out over the waiting area again.

"Boys are stupid."

"Sing it,"

.

"Your ultrasound reveals minimal tearing, so we're just going to keep monitoring it, and it should heal." Emily smiled, placing the wand back on the machine. The woman on the bed smiled, laughing.

"Oh, thank god."

"I'll be back to check on you later," The intern informed, "And I'll update you on this," She pointed at the blacked-out lights. "Have some rest, Mrs. Wong." Patting the woman on the shoulder, she left the room and stopped at the nurse's station, giving it to the woman behind the counter. Noticing a presence by her side, she turned to face the OB/GYN.

"Dr. Moore, how is she?" Addison asked, her face barely visible.

"Fine. Tear is healing up nicely."

"Have you seen Derek?" She fidgeted, pulling at her fingers. Glancing at her toes, she shook her head. "Can you tell him I'm looking for him?"

"I'm on your service and I'm kind of avoiding him because he said he would sign the papers," the brunette admitted, looking at the tall redhead. "He didn't sign the divorce papers yet." The change in Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd's face was visible to even a blind person.

"He didn't?"

"No. I can understand that, I guess. You're like family." The attending looked away, expression thoughtful before giving her a small smile. "Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd?"

"Thank you,"

"You're welcome? Where are you going?" She called after the attending who started walking rather fast in the direction of the O.R. as the lights flickered on.

.

"Derek,"

"Hey, Em." The neurosurgeon turned from where he was sitting in the lobby to face her. His thoughtful expression turned to a surprised one, "Hi,"

"I'm, uh, going to Joe's. Want to come?" She held onto her arms crossed over her chest as he uncrossed his leg and sat up.

"Maybe later." Nodding, she walked past him to the exit until she paused at his voice. "Have you been avoiding me?" The intern pulled at her jacket, turning to him. Her expression said it all. She was. "You're on Meredith's side."

"You're my first friend, you always will be. But Meredith didn't deserve to find out the way she did. To be honest, if I were her, I wouldn't even be trying, even if I did love you." Her lips pressed into a thin line as she looked down to the floor. "Bye, Derek."

"Bye,"

.

"You really think he's not coming?"

"It is getting a little hard to watch," Izzie glanced at Meredith, bringing her glass to her lips.

"It was hard to watch an hour ago, now it's just pathetic." The blonde slammed her hand on the bar counter, turning to them.

"Who's pathetic? You, who pretend to be my friends, are calling me pathetic behind my back, in front of my face." She glared, as George pointed innocently at himself. "Why don't you just dump the pig's blood on me now and get it over with?"

"I'm just saying, Mer. Even I don't believe in him anymore," Emily opined, throwing a dart at the board. Their pagers began beeping, "9-1-1."

"We just worked a 30-hour shift." The TV was turned on, broadcasting a train wreck.

"I'm not complaining, look at that," She dashed for the door, followed by her friends as they ran across the street, seeing the ambulance bay full of paramedics and injured soon-to-be patients. Tying up her hair, she gaped at all the wounds. "Holy shit. Holy freaking hell,"

.

"Who's Satan's whore?" she asked as she leaned against the wall near the door frame. "Nice banana bag, Meredith. Stylish."

"Thank you. So did you yell back?" Alex sighed, with a 'no'. "Dude, you lost your mojo. We're talking about Addison, by the way," She told Emily who nodded, poking Alex in the shoulder.

"Excuse you,"

"I was trying to talk boy," Meredith muttered pathetically. Alex rolled his eyes and Emily could only smile at how childlike the surgeon was.

"O'Malley plugs a hole with his finger and everyone walks around like he's some kind of hero." Alex said incredulously, his arms crossing tighter across his chest. "I had one off day,"

"You chickened out," Emily told him bluntly and he shook his head with a skeptical smile.

"I hesitated."

"Why didn't you kiss Izzie?" His smile froze, and he turned to leave, but Emily pushed him back as Cristina rushed to them.

"It's not in the morgue," Her expression was panicked as she ranted, "I've looked in the ambulances and the E.R. How is one, bloody, hairy leg going to destroy my career?" she asked, making large hand gestures before stalking off. Sharing a look between Alex and Meredith, she shrugged.

"Dr. Karev?" The man behind the counter asked, holding sheets of paper. Reading it quickly, he walked past them as Meredith told him she hopes he found his 'mojo'.

"I find you disturbing without it."

"Me too," he called back. Taking Alex's place at the door frame, she stared at the shorter woman as she rested her head against the wood, muttering an 'ow'.

"I've never had tequila." Emily told her, crossing her leg over the other. "How is it?"

"It's fruity." She grinned at the blonde's drawled words. "Like really fruity,"

"Fruity, huh?"

"You should try it some time. It leads to questionable life choices and terrible consequences." Meredith said, blowing a piece of hair from her face.

"Oh, yeah, 'cause that's really appealing. No, if I wanted to make bad choices, I would choose anything over tequila. Drugs, maybe, definitely peer pressure."

"But peer pressure isn't any fun."

"Well, you might be right." She looked away to see the same man waving another set of papers, "Meredith, your labs." The blonde pushed off the wall, grabbing her IV stand and snatching the papers. "Sober?"

"Yeah. I'll see you later?"

"Maybe."

"And then I'm getting you to try tequila." At Emily's face, Meredith sighed, "One shot?"

"No."

.

"Pregnant guy?" Emily hissed as she flipped through the binder. "You stole him from psych. didn't you?" She glanced between Izzie and Cristina.

"Come on, we have to cheer her up." Izzie pleaded, hand on the doorknob. Caving, the brunette gave a reluctant nod. "Yay! Just don't answer any questions so we don't get assigned to anything."

"That'll make us look stupid." Their looks became resemblant of a puppy's. "Fine,"

.

"You're selling tickets?!" She asked, a hint of disbelief in her voice. She dropped her tray on the table and sat down, cracking open the case for her sandwich. Biting into it, she stared at Cristina.

"We're just brokering a few deals."

"Sort of like backstage passes. You want in on the cash?" Izzie offered, glancing at her fellow female interns.

"No." They chorused, shaking their heads. "That's wrong. Give me that!" Emily snatched the money from Cristina who tried to grab it back. "Give the money back, take back the tickets. A patient isn't going to be treated like some circus freak!" Cristina grumbled, finally receiving her money back.

"I didn't get a pregnant guy. I was Burke's new go-to guy, but that's over thanks to you," He said, tone indignant. "He didn't know that I knew about the two of you."

"Stop talking," The black-haired woman hissed, looking around. Izzie smiled before looking up and seeing Alex, pushing a wheelchair.

"What on Earth?" They all glanced at the duo as she greeted them hesitantly.

"I'm Alex's charity case."

"I like her already," Cristina said.

"Are you volunteering?" George asked, chewing as Emily shuffled her chair to make room for the kid's wheelchair.

"Don't ask."

"Why?" Izzie inquired, irked, "It's not like we can read your mind. It's not like we have any idea in your tiny, tiny, tiny, little brain."

"She has a point," Cristina commented as her pager began to beep, "Oh, I am hungry!" she complained, standing. Grabbing her drink, she left. Nicole glanced around, questioning their popularity.

"Oh, she had fries," Emily smirked, grabbing one and popping it into her mouth. "And we are totally the cool kids. The coolest of the cool. We have all the rumors spread about us because we're living the dream life."

"I've never had real friends," The girl admitted, poking at her salad. "Having a catheter meant being in the hospital a lot."

"You get used to it, especially the asses who seem to work here," Emily replied with a side eye at Alex.

.

"What is going on in here?" Meredith yelled, as Emily entered after her.

"Everybody out!" The brunette yelled, equally as loud, jabbing a thumb to the door. As one of them protested, she persisted. "Out! Give me that!" Plucking a woman's camera from her hands, she continued to push people out, confiscating cameras and those stupid tickets.

"Mr. Herman is a patient - a surgical patient - who is sick and tired of being stared at!" Meredith made her way to Izzie and Cristina, who had guilty faces on as they fidgeted with the cash in their hands. "You two - this isn't a zoo!" Meredith's tone turned angry and full of disbelief as Emily herded and shoved people towards the door.

"Out! Out! Out!"

"You know what? If all of you want to point and whisper and stare at me," Meredith locked eyes with everyone in the room, "knock yourselves out. 'Look at Meredith. Isn't she _sad_ and _pathetic_ and _heartbroken_? Maybe she's gone _mental._ '" The blonde threw an arm into the air as she crowded even Izzie and Cristina to the exit. Emily frowned at her as she placed a hand on Mr. Herman's stomach before placing the stethoscope on the rounded skin. "Maybe I have, but leave Mr. Herman _alone._ You should be _ashamed_ of yourself." The door nearly closed before Meredith entered again, listening to his heart.

"Meredith."

"Shut up,"

"Fuck them. Honestly,"

 **A/N: Edited - June 25, 2018**


	7. Sticking Together

_Dear Sister Mine,_

 _Guess what, girl. I'm BACK. THAT'S RIGHT. Your favourite, ultra-great, big brother is back in Boston with his fantastic family including your nephews and my beautiful wife. New York was fun but I love Boston more than I can say._

 _Little Oliver's starting to babble. His older brother loved him for a bit, but now he's asking if he's actually staying and I'm like yep, he's here to stay. Will isn't happy about it at all. He's alright like right now, and he plays with Ollie, but internally, I think he plans to murder me when he grows up. For now, I think he's accepted that we can't just sell his baby brother. But onto the more important news: II figured I'd need to head back out soon. Duty does call. Regularly. On my personal cell._

 _But it's Thanksgiving and Thanksgiving is for family. While Ollie and Will and Theresa are my family, you're my sister. I figure I'd fly to Seattle from Boston and stay there for a day or two then head out. Theresa says it's fine and I don't really care what you say 'cause I'm your big bro' and since when have I ever cared what you said regarding these things._

 _Let's face it, you miss me. I'm not telling you when I get to Seattle because that'll ruin the surprise but make sure you're at the hospital near Thanksgiving otherwise I have no idea where you are._

 _Talk to you soon,_

 _Noah_

 _._

 _:ill be at Meredith's place for thanksgiving because i have friends woo:_

Emily sent the text quickly as she pulled on a cashmere sweater. She threw her phone onto her bed, grabbing a set of jeggings. Once she buttoned it securely around her waist, she grabbed her device again, texting the address before running to the door. It was already 8:50 and it took at least twenty minutes to get to her friend's house - as long as there was no traffic. And because it was Thanksgiving, there was totally gonna be traffic.

"Crap," she cursed, slipping her feet unsecurely into her boots and managing an awkward run to the elevators, jabbing the button repeatedly as she struggled with her bag and jacket while she tried to zip up her boots. The elevator arrived as she scrabbled in, half-limping as she managed to zip up one of her shoes. One of her neighbors she didn't really talk to her greeted her with a strained smile as the brunette straightened up. "Hello,"

It was awkward the whole way down, and she darted out of the elevator and into the parkade as soon as the doors opened again.

.

She knocked on the door hesitantly, turning around when there was no answer. When she heard the door click, she slowly rotated until she was faced with a smiling blonde who pulled her into the house. "Emily! You came! Meredith went to the hospital and George had to go out with his family, but they'll be back at six."

"You're perky."

"It's Thanksgiving," The brunette followed the cheerful woman into the kitchen, sitting down at the counter. "Are you going to help me?" She asked, inspecting the turkey.

"Uh, I can cook, but I can't cook that," Emily pointed at the giant pink bird. Walking to the fridge, she pulled it open and took out a can of pop. "Turkey really isn't my thing, you know?"

"At least try, come on, try? I bake, I don't cook."

"Then let's make the mashed potatoes first or something. Wait 'til the others arrive. Besides, I know how to mash potatoes." Draining the last of the sugary drink, she stood and stood beside the blonde as she grabbed potatoes from the fridge. "Like, my mom used to make mashed potatoes every week 'cause I loved them so much. You ever make them before?" She shook her head no. "Great, let's get started. Uh, we'll need a pot, salt, butter, milk, and potatoes."

"Alright," Izzie took out the necessary ingredients, lining them up. "I'll cut the potatoes,"

"Okay, then I'll start bringing the water to a boil."

"This is a start." Izzie let out a breath as she took out a potato peeler from the drawer. Emily nodded, taking the pot and filling it with water. Placing it on the stove, she turned the dial.

"It's a start."

.

"Do you know there's absolutely no liquor in this house?" Joe asked, twirling a wine glass.

"Cristina went to get some," Emily replied, tapping her fingers against the wooden table. "Like over an hour ago. Where is she?" She asked, eyeing Burke and Izzie at the stove. Walter rolled the die, moving his spaces up four.

"Your turn, Emily," He told her as he bought a house for Pennsylvania Avenue. Putting the cash back onto the stacks, he handed her the die.

"Great, another person ditching Thanksgiving," Izzie muttered, upset.

"My brother is coming," Emily told her, finally giving the blonde the news. "He wanted to come, but I don't know when," She added with a glance at her phone. Rolling the die, she frowned, moving her car piece two spaces. Izzie stopped stirring, gaping at her.

"Your brother is coming and you didn't tell me?" She asked, vexed. The doorbell rang, "Your brother is here and you didn't tell me?" She reiterated, making her way to the door. Emily stopped her.

"I thought I'd be a nice surprise?" She offered as an excuse, standing and walking her way to the door. A man with lighter brown hair than hers but the same hazel eyes was at the door with a brilliant smile. He wore plaid flannel and jeans. "Noah, why are you looking so Canadian?" she asked suspiciously, opening the door. The emotion welled up in her throat at the sight of him. His hair, it was shorter from its wolfish length that he'd had to run his hands through to tame it - she had no idea how she never noticed it before - and he was bulkier, more muscled. But his eyes, those eyes Derek had once said were a lot like hers, they were smiling up at her as he opened his arms for a hug. She flew into his arms, nearly knocking him off balance.

"Someone's missed me," He murmured teasingly, pressing a kiss at her forehead.

"Shut up," she muttered, dragging him inside, "Years, and that's the first thing you say?" They entered the kitchen as he let out a laugh. Movement stopped as Burke didn't look up from his position in front of the oven and Izzie's mouth opening to say something.

"Em, could you pass-"

"Noah Moore," He offered a hand to Joe who shook it amicably. Walter stood from the table and they shook hands. Izzie gaped again, stopping mid-stir of the onions.

"Preston Burke," The cardiothoracic surgeon pulled off an oven mitt and shook his hand quickly before resuming his check on the turkey.

"Izzie," Emily reminded with a glance at the pan of onions. The blonde quickly resumed her task, "Noah, this is Izzie, an intern in my group. And the others should be back soon,"

"It's nice to meet you." An awkward tension, broken by the sizzling of the oil was broken when Noah gestured to the piled plates and utensils. "Should we start setting up the table?"

"Yeah, yeah," Izzie muttered distractedly. "Make sure to leave the big decorated plate for the turkey. It's in the dusty cabinet near the dining table."

"Alright," Emily grabbed a stack of plates, Noah following suit as Walter and Joe grabbed a few utensils and napkins.

"Follow me!" Noah cheered, marching extravagantly into the dining room. They pulled a round table and a rectangular one together, covering it haphazardly with a blue tablecloth. Small talk and many long stories later, the table was set and they had found some candelabras to light. Izzie came to check up on them an hour later as they searched for a lighter.

"Found it!" Joe called, bringing it over to her brother. Walter started pulling chairs into place as Emily scrambled to help him. "Okay, this looks pretty good," He wrapped an arm around his boyfriend's shoulders.

"It does, doesn't it?" Noah agreed, kissing his sister on her cheek. "Where are you friends?" He added, checking his watch, "It's nearly three,"

"Izzie just said dinner at six. I'm really hoping they'll be back by then." Emily muttered, wondering where the heck her friends were.

.

"Safe to say, that was the best Thanksgiving ever,"

"Agreed,"

.

"I'm sad to see your brother go. He's really nice," Izzie muttered as she sipped her coffee. George nodded, the apple crunching as he bit into it. "He said he was going where again?"

"Went to see some old friends or something. Then he's off to the airport, again," Emily told her again.

"How do you live like that?" Izzie asked, almost in awe.

"Like what?"

"You aren't seeing your brother for years and you act like it's nothing," George said as they reached the locker room. "He can die over there,"

"It's just something you get used to," she replied shortly, "It's more dangerous than his last tour but there are children who need him. _Children_ , George. And, hey, I've had practice dealing with people leaving me."

The brunette never understood why her dad had left her mom. And she never understood a few years later why her mom just disappeared one day without a note. By then, Noah was at MSF and Emily was left alone in New York. It made her university years such a terrible time. A lot of drowning herself in homework and studying. Not a lot of social interaction.

And she'd never tell her brother, because surely he'd tease her, but if he died, she felt like a part of her would die with him; that's why she hated his job. No matter how many times he promised he'd always come back, Emily never really believed him until she saw him. The selfish part of her wanted him to never leave, to maybe work here, in Seattle and another part reasoned that people needed her brother more than her. And that part was happy that she thought her brother was happy.

And it was completely horrible that Emily was known to be too selfless for her own good. She was too selfless to tell her brother that she wanted him to stay. She couldn't hold him back from his dream.

But even the most selfless people had dark sides. A part of her hated Noah, for leaving her time and time again. Hated him for smiling and saying 'bye Em,' and disappearing for years at a time, past the gate in the airport. But that _hate_ , that hate was never compared to the pain. The pain that - yeah - she was left alone again. That - yeah - on her first year of med school, no one was there to drive her or say good luck or tell her that they were proud.

The pain slowly faded into the back of her mind except on _those_ days. Any pain faded except when those days came by. Like when the rain makes your joints ache, or when you tax your knee even though it was never strong. For her, it was the days that were important to them. Her birthday, his birthday, even Christmas. He was never here to celebrate them with her. Those were the days that hurt the most, when a pang of loneliness would hit her and she would never know how to cure it. It echoed in her chest and thrummed in every beat of her heart until she waited, slowly, for it to stop.

But she had doubts that it ever would.

Warm arms enveloped her, and she started to find George hugging her. "George?" Izzie beamed, adjusting the strap of her bag as she nearly sighed at the gushy friendship-ness.

"This is totally uncalled for but I think you need it." The corners of her lips quirked up. She spotted Derek who offered a tired grin. Nodding slightly, she embraced her friend back. The loneliness receded, afraid of the bond her friends had shown her, and she found a subtle warmth spreading through her limbs. When Derek turned away, she knew that these were the people she needed, not him. And she needed to keep these people on her side, just as they needed her to be on theirs.

"Maybe I do,"

.

The line clicked. "Derek?"

" _Emily? What's up?"_

"It's Dr. Moore," she muttered, a hand to her forehead, "Derek, we can't do this… half-in half-out thing anymore," she said, louder.

 _"You aren't mad?"_ he asked, a light touch of hope and surprise in his voice.

"No, I am. That's why I'm saying we aren't doing this anymore. I'm saying that this friendship needs to be on a hiatus for a while," the brunette said bluntly. Better to rip off the band-aid. Beating around the bush was never her style.

 _"What? Who put you up to this?_ " He asked, tone slightly teasing and disbelieving. Placing a hand over the microphone, she sighed, took a deep breath, and then continued.

"It isn't a joke, Derek. Us interns? They're the people I need. We need to stick together because we understand each other. And when you hurt Meredith, I think that just made it more clear."

" _Emily_." The neurosurgeon seemed to think better than to reason, letting out a heavy sigh that crackled over their line, " _If that's what you want,"_

"That's what I want," She nodded firmly as if to enforce the statement in her mind.

" _Bye_ ,"

"Bye,"

 **A/N: Edited - June 25, 2018**


	8. Christmas

"Alex, what are you doing here?" Emily asked with a yawn, "Shouldn't you be watching Kate?" The man looked up at her from his textbook. "What're you doing?" Jumping onto the bed, she landed right next to him. The tunnels were illuminated sparsely as she took a sip of water.

"Mr. Martin. Trying to figure out something to make him wake up," he explained, shuffling papers across his lap. Frowning, Emily glanced over his shoulder. "What are you doing here?"

"I just need one second of quiet. Since you guys are busy with the preemies, I've been running around doing five other interns' jobs. I had to do rectal exams because George couldn't, he was too busy attaching leeches on some dude's nose and Meredith is taking care of the mom. Izzie has her preemie's surgery. And Cristina, she has the crazy inmate,"

"The one who swallowed razorblades, I heard,"

"Yeah. Do you need help?" Alex shrugged, offering a medical journal to her. Taking it, she looked at the table of contents and flipping the pages. After another three books, she finally found something of interest. "How about this? Studies where they used aggressive plasmapheresis?" Snatching the book from her fingers, he read it quickly.

"That could work…" He muttered, glancing at the other papers he had in his lap. Picking up a yellow-tinted paper, he read it aloud for her, "Thyrotropin releasing hormone,"

"Maybe?" Her thoughts drifted back to the relatively distant treatment between Derek and her. Her pager started beeping and she glanced at it before letting out a heavy sigh. "Explosive diarrhea." The brunette grumbled, hopping off the bed. "Good luck, Alex,"

"Thanks,"

"You'll need it, Karev," she called as she passed a vending machine.

"Shut up!"

.

"Christmas. Yay," Emily muttered, pulling on her scrub top. She wasn't the biggest fan of the season. The most she's ever done was have a big dinner with her family and her last Christmas was spent alone waiting for her brother. "It's not my thing. Who celebrates it?" she asked, glancing at her fellow interns. They all gave her a small smile.

"Izzie does," Meredith replied, closing her locker as George nodded, rubbing his eyes.

"Izzie's all happy with 'Christmas Spirit'."

"Why don't you say anything?" Emily wondered aloud, curious. Wrapping her stethoscope around her neck, she glanced at the two.

"We're being supportive," Meredith explained, wiggling her eyebrows. Laughing, they exited the room where their resident was waiting. "We got a dog,"

"What'd you name it?"

"Doc,"

"I see where your creativity comes from," She commented sarcastically as they began rounds.

"Shut up," George grumbled, "He hates me,"

"He can sense your fear," Meredith said, tucking her hair into a ponytail. "He's cute," Emily raised an eyebrow at the uncharacteristic tone of voice she was using. "It's the season. It's all happy and cheery. It doesn't go well with me."

"I don't think it goes well with any of us."

.

Emily opened the door to Joe's, settling down at the seat. The bar owner grinned, placing a glass of golden liquid, brandy, in front of her, "Thanks, Joe,"

"No problem. Not drinking with your friends today?"

"Izzie and George are on call, Mer's at home and Alex is wherever," She told the bartender with a shrug. "That's why I'm here, drinking all my woes away," Her voice turned dramatic. Joe raised an eyebrow as he ran a towel over a glass.

"That's lonely,"

"Yeah, but whatever right? It's one of those days,"

"I guess so." He shrugged, "No boyfriend,"

"Nope."

"Why not? You're smart, hot, and you have a job."

"Haven't found the right guy, I guess," she murmured, downing the rest of the brandy. "It's kind of me being picky, because I grew up on thinking love was like magic."

"Isn't that naïve ?" Joe joked as Emily shot him a furtive glance. "What?"

"Somehow I still believe it," is all she said. "Forget I said anything, Joe. I don't need anyone who doesn't believe telling me that I'm being some stupid little girl," she said, tapping the counter twice for a refill. The way her voice lowered told Joe more than she could say. _Highschool,_ he thought, pouring the brandy into her glass.

"I promise,"

"Thanks,"

.

"There were too many mistakes made last year. Fatigue played too big a role. Exceeding eighty hours a week will not be tolerated."

"Does that mean we actually get a life?" George asked, turning his head to Izzie. Her face seemed confused as she replied. Emily rolled her eyes, grinning.

"I think so,"

"It's not like I have a life anyway," The brunette joked as the others gave her easy smiles. Internally, Emily had laughed at the thought of her hours which were nearing the nineties.

"Sullivan, you were on call for twenty-eight hours, leave when you hit thirty," The Chief ordered, nodding to a brunet, "Grey, you were here until two A.M last night, see ya at noon." The blonde's face was surprised as she left, making her way through the crowd, "Oh, and people, our nurses are gonna have to work extra hours to compensate so treat them well. Cranky nurses don't do us any good,"

"Oh, well, maybe you can cheer them up," Izzie commented snarkily. George hid his chuckle as the four began walking down the hall for rounds. Suddenly, the blonde stopped. "You know what? My New Year's resolution was to let it go, and I am. I have, I've let it go. I apologize," She beamed at Alex who seemed to not trust her words.

"You do?"

"I do. How'd your test go?"

"I feel pretty good about it, but I won't know for a few days." Alex informed, as Izzie told him of their support, despite George's disbelief. "Anyway,"

"The Chief's new rule. How many hours you've got?" Emily asked generally. "You know, he could've said this _on_ New Year's instead of like three days before."

"That means more work for us,"

"More experience," The brunette corrected, "I was on call last night with Meredith but he didn't call me out," They rounded a corner and continued down the hall.

"I'm on seventy five hours," Alex answered her question, "Not even tired,"

"No one can handle your big, big ego right now, Alex." Izzie sucked in a deep breath before exhaling. "I am letting it go. Congrats, Alex." Finally reaching a nurse's station, they waited in an awkward silence.

"Dr. Bailey," The hazel-eyed woman greeted as they finally spotted the short woman.

"You've exceeded your hours, Moore, what are you still doing here?"

"I mean, no one told me to," She trailed off looking at the ceiling.

"Leave,"

"Gosh, has it really been _eighty hours?_ " She stalled, checking her watch and tapping its face. "I thought it was more like eighty minutes," Laughing, her face froze when it met the stink eye. "Okay, uh, let me just get my stuff. Oh, excuse me, Dr. Bailey, I just need to go…" She pretended to be blocked by her resident who kept staring at her.

"If you're in my face for a second longer, I guarantee you won't have a beating heart." That was enough to send her running.

.

"Noah, hey." She smiled at her tired brother's face as he attempted the gesture back.

"Hey. Just got to the base. It's about five P.M here. Shouldn't you be at work?"

"The Chief introduced a new eighty-hours a week thing. I'm passed my limit for the week." She played with the earbud wire as she heard a distant shout of ' _Alpha Mike Foxtrot'._ A roar of laughter followed as another man came up to the screen.

"Moore, who ya talkin' to?" Emily started before realizing they were talking to her brother. "Let me see,"

"Goddamn, Jacks, give it back," The camera was shifting, moving and she watched in silent amusement as a man with dirty blonde hair appeared in view. His eyes crinkled at the edges as he seemed to settle the computer on his lap, waving. Chuckling, she waved back. Noah appeared on the edge of the screen, as if sitting down next to the man. His face was sullen with a touch of faux annoyance as he ribbed his friend. "Can you not flirt with my sister?"

"I didn't even say anything!" The blonde man, Jacks, said exasperatedly. "Taylor Jacks, at your service." He directed his introduction at Emily, who now laid down on her bed, propped up on her elbows. With a swipe of her touchpad, she enlarged the window to focus solely on her conversation.

"Emily Moore,"

"Dammit she _is_ your sister! Thought you were lyin'. No chance now," Taylor complained. "You brother is such a guard dog,"

"Oh, is he?" Emily feigned innocence, cocking her head to the side. "But between you and me-" She moved her hand vertically at the side of her mouth, as if sharing a secret- "you are ridiculously rugged," A hearty laugh, punctured by a few crackles reached her ears, making her smile. The picture lagged as she frowned, tapping the touchpad a few times, staticky sound reached her ears. "Noah? Taylor? You there?" A loud shout later, she waited for the screen to clear, it didn't as a nearly unintelligible roar of an engine shattered the silence. Finally, after what seemed like hours, the call dropped. A grey bubble appeared at the bottom of her screen, saying that the call had ended.

"Yeah, no shit." She muttered, worry gnawing at her bones. _No way I'm sleeping tonight._

.

"Is that the infamous Doc I've heard about so often?" She asked, crouching in front of the off-white dog. He licked at her hand eagerly and she petted his head, scratching behind his ears. Yawning, she grinned, "He's a cute one. Morning, Iz, George. How are you, Meredith?" She asked, settling on the bench.

"Hey, Emily," They all chorused. She smiled softly, it seemed her friends were back and willing as she ignored the pang of guilt at how unreasonable she had just dropped Derek's friendship on the floor and left it there to rot. "How's your brother?" Izzie asked, pulling her scrub top on.

"Fine. Sent me a few messages saying he's arrived and all but he dropped our last call," The brunette informed, stretching and feeling her joints pop. Standing, she opened her locker. "Do you want me to send a message?" She offered curiously.

"Tell him I say hi," Izzie smiled at the thought of her friend's brother, "During Thanksgiving was pretty great,"

"Me too," George added, tossing a granola bar at her. Catching it, she tore the wrapper. "Payback for first day,"

"You finally bought them?" She asked in faux shock. Holding it between her teeth, she took off jacket. "Thanks, George," Changing quickly, she sat down in front of Doc again, tying her hair up. Cristina poked at her back incessantly for her own amusement, laughing at the brunette's growls for her to stop. "Cristina, seriously I am going to tear your head off,"

"Please," The asian woman scoffed, finally returning to her book. The dog sniffed her hand and stepped between crossed legs to try and sniff the granola bar, the hazel-eyed woman stretching to keep it out of reach. Gently pushing the dog back down, she glanced behind her.

"He's a demon." Izzie eyed the animal in disdain, "He peed on my bed. My bed, Meredith."

"He's our dog," The other blonde argued.

"No, he's not our dog." George countered, whipping around, "You two bought him without even asking me,"

"We rescued him from certain death," Meredith stated, looking at George. "Come on, you guys,"

"I'm putting my foot down. Either the dog moves out, or I do," He proposed his ultimatum, "Foot down now. Me or the dog, which is it?" Meredith didn't answer, glancing down at the panting Doc. "You hesitated." He turned to Izzie, "She hesitated!" Emily snorted, running a hand down the dog's spine.

"You hesitated?"

"I didn't hesitate, I was thinking," she protested.

"You have to think about it?" George made his way around the bench as Doc began trying to lick at her scrubs.

"No, Doc. Not the scrubs," Emily gently nudged his head away. He whimpered, setting his head on his paws. She could feel the intensity of George's gaze, even as it didn't land on her.

"Fine. I'm moving out right now." Swinging open the door, he was faced with Bailey. "Later, I'm moving out later because right now, I have rounds."

"Tell me that is not a dog," Bailey gritted out, glaring at the animal.

"It's not a dog," Alex, Cristina and Emily all chorused as the brunette stood and smoothed out the wrinkles in her clothes. Pagers began beeping for the trauma bay.

"Follow me, and put that dog somewhere I won't see it, Grey." The woman instructed as Meredith attempted to herald her pet behind the lockers. "Eighty-hour restrictions and now a dog," the resident muttered, "what is going on…"

.

"Dr. Moore,"

"Dr. Shepherd," Emily greeted carefully as she pushed her patient to C.T.

"Emily, what really happened?" He asked, confused. Shrugging, she smiled. "You aren't the type of person to do that,"

"Interns stick together," She emphasized it with a extra spring in her step, "it was a matter of choosing my friends who are going to have my back, and someone who is an attending. Dr. Shepherd, I don't want any more favors,"

"I never did you any,"

"And I didn't want it to start sooner or later because, really? You're the type of person to favor someone you're friends with and give the worst jobs to the people you hate. So that's what really happened, okay? I chose and maybe we can be friends again soon but for now, no we aren't friends. So stop worrying and stop wondering because really, I shouldn't be talking to you."

 **A/N: Edited - June 25, 2018**


	9. Bar Talk

"You look awful,"

"Why thank you, Alex. I feel just great knowing my day started with a generous compliment," Emily drawled, voice dripping with sarcasm as they walked behind Bailey.

"I'm just saying. Is it your brother?" He asked, genuine concern underlying his normally cocky tone. Sighing, she nodded, thoughts of her brother's worried voice and the loud shout, the roaring of the engine.

"Yeah, he's in Aleppo," she finally caved, pulling at her fingers as she did when she was fidgety, "I don't know what happened but our last call dropped and I've been worried ever since,"

"He's probably fine. At Thanksgiving, he seemed like a pretty tough guy," he offered in a way to assuage her worries.

"That's what I'm hoping but hope isn't great for a family like ours."

.

"What the hell are you doing?" Emily asked amused as she watched her three friends gulp down sausages and buns as fast as possible. "You guys are disgusting," She muttered, looking down at her tray of food and back up at them arguing, mouths stuffed and bits of food flying everywhere. She peeled her orange quickly, taking occasional sips of her water. Cristina seemed triumphant as she stood.

"You wanna be me but you can't be me," Cristina sang before a conflicted expression crossed her face. Her hand cupped her mouth.

"Uh oh,"

"Crap, she's gonna blow," Izzie realized, grabbing her drink and pushing her chair back.

"Everybody, run," The five of them stood, running away. Emily clutched her half-peeled orange and water as they sprinted away from the table. "Are we far away enough?"

"Should be," Emily affirmed, glancing back. The asian woman seemed to be swallowing with great difficulty, running to a nearby trashcan and unleashing her stomach's contents. "That is ugly,"

"Nasty,"

"Gross,"

"Ew,"

Alex just scoffed.

.

"Dr. Webber?"

"Check up on my appy in 2519 and remove the drains in 2789 and 2869. Gastric bypass in 2125 and esophagectomy, 2143. Page me if there are any complications." The Chief turned in the direction of the O.R.s muttering something about Bailey. Hesitant to stop him, she glanced up from her notepad, her pen stilled in her hand.

"And what about Kristen Holden?" The brunette asked quietly. The tall man turned around, annoyance etched faintly on his face.

"Stay on the phone with U.N.O.S. She's on top of the list, Moore."

"Of course, Dr. Webber. How is Dr. Bailey, by the way?" She asked, coughing awkwardly.

"Woman's forcing herself into preterm labor. What did I tell her?" The general surgeon asked to himself, walking away. Laughing quietly and a bit nervously, Emily went about her tasks for the day or at least until Dr. Webber came back.

.

"Come on!" Emily growled at her computer. It had been a week since Doc had been given away to Derek and the nurses were three days from going on strike. "Seriously?" Her computer beeped annoyingly as it tried to establish a line. The sound slowly died down and she heard a loud buzzing noise. It had been the first time in a long while that her brother came online. He had shot her a quick message that he was going to call Theresa and his kids first, which she didn't object to. But now that he was available, it wouldn't connect. "Goddamn it!" She swore, shoving her laptop away from her.

" _E-e-e-em?"_ A broken voice reached her ears, causing her to grab the device haphazardly towards her. "Em?" It asked again, clearer.

"Can you hear me?" She asked, relief clear in her voice. "Are you okay? Fuck, Noah, you had me worried," The webcam cleared, revealing a new white patch across her brother's forehead and another down his eye. He seemed relatively clean as he offered a tired grin. "What the hell happened?" She asked.

" _Is that Moore the younger?"_ A voice asked from offscreen. Her brother replied with a 'yes'. " _Keep talking, I'm taking a quick shower,"_ Agreeing, Noah returned his attention to his sister.

" _We just had to pack up camp,_ " He answered vaguely, " _We relocated a distance away and we're fine now,_ " In the background, Emily could see someone carrying a gun. " _How are you?_ "

"Fine," She answered, twirling a dent in her wooden table, "My friends say hi. Izzie and George,"

" _They're nice,"_

"Yeah." The line buzzed uncomfortably as she stared at a dark ring in the wood. "So…"

" _Any love life?_ " He asked suddenly when the camera bounced suddenly. "Dude," He addressed to someone off-camera, " _The leg, you ass,"_

"What's wrong with your leg?" She asked as the person said ' _sorry'._

" _Moore the younger!"_ A vaguely familiar voice greeted and the camera switched to the front camera, showing a blonde man with blue eyes. " _Remember me?"_ A bruising colored his side brilliantly under a tight white bandage.

"Taylor Jacks!" She remembered, pleased. "What happened?"

" _Just played a bit too rough,"_ He replied easily, taking the phone from her brother. He flipped the camera, his face showing up on it a moment later _. "The question is, how are you? Love life, as your brother was asking,"_ Rolling her eyes, she laughed.

"What love life?" She joked, "Was that an indirect way of asking if I'm single?" He shrugged, unabashed.

" _So what if it was?_ " He asked as a groan was heard in the background. " _Oh, am I interrupting anything?"_ He pondered cheekily, his eyes twinkling at her. She flushed under his warm smile, shaking her head eagerly.

"No, no," She mumbled, rubbing the back of her head.

" _Can I talk to my sister?"_ Noah asked, annoyance laced through his tone. Taylor cleared his throat with a roll of his eyes, a whirl of scenery later, and she was faced with the tired face of her brother again. " _Hello_." Wincing, he glared in the direction of Taylor, " _Jacks_ ," He growled in a warning tone. " _I'm not the one telling Kenner that you kept poking my leg,"_

" _Alright, alright_." It was if Emily could hear the gesture he was making, his hands held up in a guilty-free gesture. " _Au revoir_ , _Moore the hotter. I will miss you_ _ma cherie,_ " Chuckling, she replied in her own French.

" _Au revoir, mon amour,_ " She called dramatically, to her brother's great unamusement. "Sorry, No' but you look real jealous."

" _Maybe I don't like young guys flirting with my sister,"_

"How old is he?" She asked innocently.

" _Shut up!"_

"Jealous!" She sang.

" _Overprotective_."

.

"I'm nearly throwing up in my mouth," Emily grumbled as she spotted the curly-haired resident, Sydney Heron.

"I _am_ throwing up in my mouth," Cristina shot back, tying her hair up in a ponytail. "I hate her,"

"I miss Bailey,"

"So do I," Izzie grumbled albeit distant.

"Iz, you okay?" Emily asked, touching her arm with a hand.

"Yeah, yeah." The blonde directed a smile at the two of them, walking faster, "Let's get to Joe's already, guys!" Shooting a confused look at Cristina, they crossed the street. Something about Izzie wasn't settling quite right.

.

"So, this nurse thing, with the protests and stuff," Joe asked as he settled behind the bar again. Emily glanced up at him in a disinterested fashion, "how's it going so far?"

"It's whatever." She waved a lazy hand around before picking up her drink. Swirling the liquid in the glass, she glanced over at the nurses' table. They all sat, drinking and glaring at the other doctors in the room. "I'm more interested in when Bailey's coming back because," Her voice lowered to a whisper, "I cannot handle another _day_ with Sydney Heron as my resident. Heal with love, my ass,"

"It is a nice ass," Alex remarked, causing Emily to scowl at him. "Heron's easy surgeries, I don't know what's the big deal,"

"Heron is heal with _love._ Alex, you have got to be joking me," He finally nodded, conceding to her point, "It's kinda gross.. I prefer to heal with science, thank you."

"Sydney sounds just like you except with medicine instead of boys." Joe remarked, passing by them to serve another patron.

"What do you mean?"

"Forget I said that."

"Joe, I demand answers."

"Wait," Alex paused their conversation, face scrunched up as he turned to the brunette. "Dude, are you a virgin?"

"No!" She flushed, pulling at the neck of her shirt. "I am _not a virgin._ I just happen to be slightly picky when it comes to picking out a boyfriend and haven't really… I just have dignified standards of love is all." Huffing, she downed her drink, turning her cup upside down.

"Right, and that's why you've never got laid ever," he retorted, peeling the shell of a barnut and throwing it across the counter, "Look, love isn't gonna mean that person's gonna be an easy ride. He isn't gonna sweep you off your feet like some knight in shining armor and ride off into the sunset."

"I've always, I don't know, dreamed that love makes your world spin. It always felt like it was something people always felt happiest with.

"Dude, you're like a little girl. Love isn't worth it."

"And you'd know?" She shot back, popping a peanut into her mouth. "You couldn't even get it up for Izzie and here you are moping."

"That's low,"

"I know," She admitted, crossing her arms on the bar top. "I'm sorry, it's just you have love and then you throw it away. Look at Meredith and Derek, how can they just… how can he just pick Addison and just, argh!" She threw her hands up in frustration before cradling her chin in her hands, propping her elbows up. "You don't throw away love, especially not one like theirs,"

"They were together for like two months - you're overreacting,"

"They're in love, Alex. Even a blind person could see that," Emily murmured, thinking back to when the two were still together, leaving the hospital together every day.

.

" _Drinks at Joe's?" Emily offered with a smile to Meredith, who shook her head no. "Oh, got any other plans?"_

" _Uh, yeah. I-" Her sentence was interrupted by Derek entering the locker room, his blue eyes soft when he met his girlfriend's green eyes. "I have plans," The blonde concluded, gathering her bag and jacket in her arms._

" _Oh, I see." She commented cheekily, opening the door for them as they exited the locker room. Pushing the elevator button, she sneaked glances at Derek and Meredith, both absorbed in their own conversation. Their heads seemed to gravitate towards each other and they never stopped smiling, Derek tucking hair behind Meredith's ear, the blonde kissing the raven-haired man's stubbled jaw. When the lift finally arrived, she stepped in and jabbed the lobby button, keeping it open for the couple. Standing back, she watched as they continued to converse, their genuine smiles nearly melting her heart. It was so clear that they loved each other, no matter how much either denied._

 _Their eyes never strayed and their aura was warm and happy and easy. Emily had never seen her friend's eyes so warm and shining at the taller man beside her. When the elevator finally stopped, she followed them to the door, careful not to intrude on their personal space before splitting ways. Before she ducked into her car, she saw Meredith entering Derek's car, smiling widely as he settled behind the wheel. They shared a kiss before he started the engine, driving off._

They love each other, _she thought, igniting the engine._ They really do.

* * *

 _As Emily settled comfortably behind the computer, she noted a dark-haired man approach a blonde that was leaning on the counter, looking through some documents. "You left early today. Home was quiet without you," Meredith murmured, flipping through the documents and scribbling something down. "What happened?" Derek was just recovering from the fact that they had called her house home as he replied._

 _"9-1-1. But I brought a coffee to make up for it," Derek grinned, procuring a large cup of the caffeinated beverage from under the counter. "What's this?"_

 _"Family history on your aneurysm patient. It's her fifth aneurysm and second clipping so I was just wondering if there was a history," The blonde explained as the neurosurgeon nodded._

 _"So far?"_

 _"Nothing,"_

 _"Mmhmm. Keep going, maybe you'll find something," The attending rubbed his girlfriend's arm in comfort, pressing a kiss to her temple before walking away. Flushing, Emily looked away before anyone noticed she was looking. Their easy conversation and usage of words was as if they had been a couple for several months rather than one. She felt the green-eyed monster claw at her guts and she mashed it down because the romantic in her was so, truly happy that Meredith had found joy in the man she loved._

 **A/N: Edited - June 25, 2018**


	10. Code Black

_:i have a feeling that i'm going to die:_ Emily smiled at the text Meredith sent her. Thinking of how Izzie had sent a similar text just ten minutes before with the addition of a play by play on what Cristina had said to get the short blond out of bed, the brunette set down her breakfast banana and replied.

 _:i heard. You know, it might be right:_

 _:yeah. See you at work.:_

 _:bye:_

 _._

"Okay," Emily's eyes bulged as she saw Alex scream at Mrs. Carlson. "Ouch, thanks Alex. You shut her up,"

"Good, okay. Now, can you tell me what exactly happened to your husband?" He asked in a quieter tone. The woman tried to formulate words before caving and sobbing into Alex's chest. "Really?" he asked to no one in particular and looking around. Seeing it as a time to rescue her friend, she gently pried Mrs. Carlson's hands off Alex and wrapped the weeping woman in a hug. Taking Alex's spot, she stroked the woman's back soothingly and settled on the bed. _Go,_ she mouthed and he nodded gratefully, running to the elevators.

"Mrs. Carlson, it's alright now. You're, uh, kinda holding on hard." She winced as the woman's fingers dug even harder into her back. "Now, can you please tell me what's going on? Mrs. Carlson? Mrs. Carlson," She repeated and finally managed to tear herself away from the bloody woman. Her eyes were bloodshot and rimmed with red and Emily wiped at her eyes with the sleeve of her trauma gown. "Tyler, get me a gown for Mrs. Carlson." She addressed the nurse and gently took off the woman's brown jacket and purse. As she pulled the shades around the bed and changed her patient slowly, she ran through the symptoms in her head. Revealing the bed again, she gave the bloody clothes to Tyler who packed it up as the woman sat on the bed.

"All this blood and none of it is hers,"

"She's fine. Acute anxiety reaction. Two of diazepam P.O. to calm her down," she instructed, looking down at the chart they had printed off.

"She in shock?"

"I'll say. I mean the shock part. It was shocking," Mrs. Carlson scoffed, staring at the tiled floor distantly. "I'm shocked." Her voice was laced with annoyance and a bit of anger. "You tell my husband when I get my hands on him, he's a dead man, do you hear me? Scaring me like this." Her head lifted to meet her doctor's eyes. She smiled faintly, wiping away the last of the blood with a piece of gauze.

"Will do. But what for? How exactly was he injured?"

"Mindy?" a foreign voice called out and Emily pushed back the curtains even more to reveal a middle-aged man.

"Over here, you moron,"

"How's James doing?" the man asked, stopping in front of them. Emily raised an eyebrow as Mrs. Carlson snapped.

"Oh, he's bleeding all over the place. That's how he's doing. The girl in the ambulance put her hand inside of him!" Her voice rose to a near-yell before becoming full-blown. "That's how he's doing!"

"What are you yelling at me for?" the man asked innocently, thoroughly confused.

"Because! Because you and James are like idiots!" Curling her lip, Emily rolled her eyes and shared a look with Tyler before they returned to their tasks, pretending not to listen. "Playing like eight year-olds."

"Excuse me-" She tried to interrupt but they quickly overrode her with their loud volume.

"We don't play, we re-enact,"

"You play. You put on costumes and you build your stupid toys and you _play_ ," Mrs. Carlson persisted, making a hand gesture to enforce her point. The man stood his ground, shaking his head.

"No, we re-enact!" Holding back a groan, Emily handed her clipboard to Tyler and held out a hand to interrupt but Mrs. Carlson continued.

"Nobody re-enacts World War II, you moron!"

"Mrs. Carlson, please calm down and tell me exactly what happened. What injured your husband?"

"My husband and his moron best friend,"

"Could you stop-"

" _Moron best friend_ decided to build some kind of big gun." Emily nodded as the man corrected the woman.

"Yeah, an exact replica of the finest allied anti tank weapon of World War II." The doctor felt her blood freeze. _Exact replica._ "The M981 bazooka." Taking out her phone, she quickly searched up the weapon he mentioned, confirming her fears.

"Exact replica, did you say?" she asked weakly but Mrs. Carlson's fit of rage overrode her.

"So they put on their stupid costumes, and they go out into the backyard and they try and shoot the thing." Mindy's voice became breathy as she sputtered, so caught up that she forgot to breathe.

"I'm the gunner. James is the loader, okay? We followed the specifications exactly. You should see it." Having enough, Emily stepped between the two and turned to James.

"What ammo did you use, sir?" she asked. "Tell me, exactly. Right now," Glancing at Tyler, she shook her head slightly as the older man started to explain the dimensions, ending with a gushing compliment. Mrs. Carlson rebuked, once again telling them that they are idiots as she explained that her husband went around the front of the weapon, and that's when the bazooka fired. And then they commenced their needless arguing again.

"He shot himself with a _bazooka_ , right?" When Mrs. Carlson confirmed that, she turned to the weapons-maker. "He shot himself with a bazooka. Alright, okay _._ Was there an explosion or anything?" she pressed, ignoring her patient's snide comments. Panic was welling up inside her throat and she fought for it to stay down as she kept her tone level.

"Huh?"

"You heard me. _Was there an explosion?_ " she said slowly. The man clearly saw the seriousness of the situation as he shook his head.

"No, why?"

"You are fucking joking, right?" the brunette muttered weakly under her breath. Pinching the bridge of her nose, she turned away. "Sit down sir." Managing the words just barely, she began at a sprint down the hall, pushing through doors.

"Oh, god…" The man sat down, finally realizing what had happened.

"What?" Mrs. Carlson asked, now confused as Emily took out her work-phone. Dialling the O.R. Burke was in, she prayed to God he would answer. Shooting down the hall, she managed to slip into the elevator before it closed. Tapping her foot impatiently on the ground, she finally heard the line click.

"Dr. Burke?" As soon as the elevator doors opened, she began running down the hall, muttering the occasional 'excuse me' as she nearly crashed into carts and nurses alike. "Dr. Burke, are you in the O.R. right now?"

" _Yes, I am. You better have a good damn reason to interrupt me."_ The attending's tone was exasperated. " _A scalpel is in my hand, Moore. Make it fast,"_

"I need you to listen and tell me, is the wound through and through in James Carlson." A pause later, he declined.

" _No. There is no exit wound. Moore, the longer he is open, the higher chance of infection. He is bleeding out."_ Cursing loudly, she took two steps at a time up the stairs, finally reaching the O.R. floor. Her legs protested as she finally pushed onward and threw open the door.

"Dr. Burke," she panted, snapping her phone shut. "I need to speak with you." The cardiothoracic surgeon narrowed his eyes but complied. Coming to the door, the older surgeon had his hands wrapped in a blue towel. She knew her time was short. "He shot himself with a bazooka. There was no explosion and his best friend said it was an _exact replica._ There's a reason to believe that a live missile is in his body - I just need you to check." Eyes widening, he turned back to the table where his patient laid. After a short questioning, it established all their fears. She swallowed painfully slow as she met eyes with Alex and Meredith near the table, tools close by their hands.

When the attending finally turned away, Emily slipped backwards out of the room, only allowing her head to poke in.

"Hannah."

"Yes, Dr. Burke?"

"What do you feel inside of Mr. Carlson? What is your hand touching?"

"What do you mean?"

"Is your hand touching anything hard?" Meredith's head slid back, confused.

"Hard?" Emily swallowed at how tense the room's aura was. The other surgeons taking notes shared bewildered glances and some even shot the intern glares.

"Like metal."

"Um… I don't know." The paramedic glanced down at her hand but Dr. Burke cautioned her not to move.

"Just tell me what you feel."

"Dr. Burke, what's going on?"

"Hannah."

"Um, my fingertips are touching something… kinda hard. Yeah. Yeah, definitely." Emily's heart leapt up to her throat and she wanted to close the door and flee. Instead, she stayed put and heard the moment anesthesiologist figured out what had happened. Although warned by Dr. Burke, that didn't prevent the paramedic from picking up on Dr. Milton's unease.

"What? What's wrong?" There was a anxiety that was building up in the young woman's eyes.

"Hannah, I don't want you to move - not your hand, not your body, not an inch."

"Okay. You should know you're starting to scare me."

"Don't be scared. Everything's going to be fine. Dr. Grey, can you…" The pause was deliberate. Meredith approached them, confused as she shot a look between the two surgeons. Noting the fear echoing in Emily's eyes, she turned to Burke. "I want you to walk out of this room - walk, do not run - go and tell the charge nurse that we have a code black,"

For a moment, Meredith paused, trying to decipher both his words and instructions. "I'm sorry, code black?"

"Code black. Tell him that I am sure," He enforced without taking his eyes off the paramedic. He took in a shuddering breath as Meredith gave the slightest of nods. "And then tell him to call the bomb squad."

Meredith pulled her mask off. Emily inhaled through her nose, trying to calm her frazzled nerves as together, the two interns walked down the hall to the nurse's station. A man sat behind the counter and looked up lazily on their arrival.

"Can I help you?" Meredith leaned over, seriousness twisting her mouth into a frown.

"Dr. Burke is calling a code black," The blonde murmured causing the man to freeze. "He says he is sure, and that you have to call the bomb squad." Nodding, the charge nurse began typing furiously, not glancing down at the keyboard. Once that was done, he grabbed the phone and dialled.

"Right away, doctor."

"This is Seattle Grace Hospital. A code black has been issued and the bomb squad must be dispatched to our location." The two interns, satisfied that they've done their job but no less in complete dread, started heading back to the O.R. where staff filed out.

"Didn't you say you thought you were going to die today?" Emily asked and Meredith smiled grimly.

"Derek said this feeling would pass."

At that, Emily snorted. "Maybe it'll pass when we're dead.

.

"Why the hell are you laughing?" Emily asked, confused and vexed as the blonde erupted into peals of laughter. "You just said Meredith could be a corpse by the end of the day,"

"I have really inappropriate reactions to this kind of stress." The blonde fanned herself as Emily laid down on the bench. The hardwood comforted her bones in a strange way as Izzie cleared her throat. "I'm sorry, hold on."

"Okay?"

"Yeah," Izzie affirmed. Alex glanced at them, pondering what to do next as Izzie tried to hold in another set of giggles.

"Do we call her family?"

"We are Meredith's family."

"There is no family to call besides the one right here, Alex," Emily informed him as Izzie started laughing again. "Seriously?" Apologizing multiple times, Izzie stood and left, Alex following soon after. "God... George, how's Bailey, anyway?"

"She wants to pack up, go home. She knows about Tucker," George told her and she nodded, sitting up. "She's scared. She isn't Bailey right now,"

"It's a day to be scared, George," Emily murmured, thinking what in hell possessed Derek to stay down there. And how scared she was even though she convinced herself that no, they weren't friends. Or maybe it was fear for Meredith and Cristina. Definitely unbearable worry for her two friends. Or maybe it was all three.

Whatever it was, she felt it all stack on top of her head and felt tremendously heavy.

"Yeah, it is."

.

"Third night in a row?" Joe asked, surprised as he tipped the bottle to pour the golden liquid into the glass again.

"Being near-dead makes you realize that you don't appreciate alcohol enough," she joked facetiously. "But, I wasn't Meredith. My hand wasn't touching the bomb. If I'm acting like this, how is she?" the brunette muttered rhetorically, nursing her drink.

"I haven't seen her for a few days," Joe realized, musing. "Tell her I miss her, next time you see her."

"Will do, Joe." She waved two fingers in a salute, letting him leave to tend to other patrons.

"Dude," Alex scoffed, downing the last of his beer.

"Shut up, Alex," Emily sighed, sitting up straight. Signalling for another round, she glanced at the male. "What are you doing here?" She retorted, peeling the shell off the barnut. Popping it in her mouth, she raised an eyebrow.

"Making sure you don't get in trouble." He shot back before adding a bit half heartedly, "Pretty girls have bad things happen to them," Alex grumbled. Despite her doubts on whether he was joking or not, her heart warmed on his thoughts. It was true, at this hour, near one in the morning, many nobodies and sleazy men and women alike dragged themselves into the bar.

"Thanks, Alex." She meant it.

"Shut up,"

"You've ruined the moment." He offered a smirk.

"Be glad I don't want in your pants yet." Grinning herself, she took a sip of her liquor.

"Right. Joe! I think we need another drink for this loser." Tilting her head to Alex, she smirked as the bartender set another bottle before him. "On me."

"Thanks."

 **A/N: Edited - August 29, 2018**


	11. Mark Sloan

**A/N: I present to you a completely new chapter 11 with more Emily/Mark goodness.**

"It's nearly one. Why are you still here?" Joe asked, a hint of worry in his tone. Emily glanced around the near-empty bar. Just a bunch of people who had no home, wasting their time in a dank corner of the bar.

"Uh, yeah. It's been a rough week," she offered as an excuse, twirling the last sliver of brandy in her cup. Downing the last of the golden liquid, she signalled for another round. "Vodka tonic. Let's spice it up a bit, Joe."

"Keys, then drink."

"Joe, come on. I've only been drinking a bit," the brunette teased, handing over her car keys. He took them before pouring a glass quickly. "Thanks, anyhow." She drained the shot glass easily as the bell above the door chimed, signalling that a new patron had arrived.

"Is this seat taken?" a husky voice asked. It was hoarse with sleep and deep, and honest to god sent chills down her spine. Raising an eyebrow at the person beside her, she shook her head with a chuckle.

"It is now," she commented dryly, taking in his features quickly although she knew that being drunk distorted their facial features to be more appealing to the drunk person's view. Still, this guy was something of a sculpture. He was absolutely magnetic. "Joe-" She waved the brunet who stopped in front of her- "I am drunk. I am also a doctor, and know that being drunk means I see people more handsome than they really are. So tell me, Joe," she said his name languidly, "is the man next to me, indeed, incredibly hot?"

"I'd totally go for him," Joe confirmed jokingly, "but I'm taken so he's all yours,"

"All mine? Who said I was buying?" she replied teasingly as another shot was placed in front of her. "I didn't want another one!" she called after the bar owner's retreating figure.

"But I want you to have another one," the man murmured and she complied, sending an easy smile. "Mark." He offered a hand to shake but she ignored it, slamming the shot glass down after it emptied.

"Do I need to know your name?" she asked as if it was not needed, a nagging feeling building up in her core as she sneaked glances at him again. _He was just so familiar…_

"I think you do, seeing as you'll be moaning it later," he shot back dirtily. Shaking her head, she chuckled at that cheesy line. "No?"

"No. Didn't work." He pouted and she found it rather adorable. Obviously undaunted, his smile doesn't fade as they continued on in silence.

"Where do you work?" she asked suddenly, the silence unnerving her.

"Between gigs. Came out here to visit,"

"Confounded by rain?"

"Read my mind." He nodded, sending a cocky smirk her way. "It's cold and gives me a headache. What I wouldn't give to stay in a warm bed."

"Not even five minutes in and already talking about bed, are we?" Rolling her eyes, she nursed her drink.

"Well, you look like you'd be fantastic company."

"That's very sweet of you," she drawled sarcastically and he chuckled, tipping back his scotch.

"How about you?" When she hummed in confusion, he explained, "What do you do?"

"Surgical intern."

"So, you're a fetus." Scowling playfully, Emily narrowed her eye at him, sizing him up. "I shouldn't even be talking to jailbait like you."

"Yeah, call the police." She rolled her eyes. "How about you?"

"Plastics,"

"Is it really all boob jobs and giving people like _huge_ asses?"

"Maybe." The look he sent her made her warm inside but it could've been the alcohol. Still.

"And is it true that plastic surgeons are, like, gorgeous?"

"That's stereotypical," he argued but it's clear he has no intention of putting up a fight, "and true but I mean-" He gestured to his body- "If you had the body of mine, I believe you'd understand. I can take you on a tour, if you'd like," he murmured but she shook her head. "Maybe a quick-pass to the rollercoaster,"

"Funny but no. No guys in bars," she declined. Pouting rather adorably once more, he stood to leave.

Before he did though, he stopped behind her and craned his neck, gazing intensely at the disinterested brunette. "Last offer." His breath fanned against her hot skin, cold and tingling as his lips rested against her neck as he continued to speak against her neck. "I have a thing for mouthy brunettes." She turned around to face him, breaking off the action before realizing with a start at how close their faces were. A part of her wanted to kiss him because she hadn't felt this in a long time. There's the smell of electricity when his nose brushed against hers.

"What's that name I'll be moaning again?" she asked, taking in his arched nose and sculpted face. Her hazel eyes flickered between those irritatingly blue eyes and his lips. He took the bait and swallowed it whole.

"Mark. And who do I owe the pleasure?" He asked, head tilting just a bit more and coming a bit closer.

"Do you want to know before or after you've had me in bed?" she quipped. Her hands gripped the back of the high seat as he scoffed. _Aha. Caught_. Cocking her head, she sighed in faux disappointment. "Sorry, but no. I don't do one night stands,"

"I can be the first," he pursued, leaning in closer. Smiling coyly, she drew back and stood. "Come on." His whispered words fanned against her cheek and the desire to kiss him struck her but she shook her head. "We have a connection, jailbait."

"I've learned my lessons." She thought about Meredith and Derek but flushed under his nickname. "Goodbye, Mark. It was nice drinking with you and maybe if we knew each other, it could be... _something_." She shook her head with an insatiable smile, one so wide it made her cheeks hurt and cupped his face briefly. Her thumb brushed across his lips and she raised herself to the balls of her feet. He leaned down for a kiss but she pulled back a fraction of an inch, smirking.

"What if I do find you again?"

"Then you can kiss me. Just once." Brushing past him to go call a cab, she tossed one last glance over her shoulder. "Welcome to Seattle."

.

"Why is he suturing his own face?" George's voice made Emily peek her head up from the folder.

"What?" she asked, glancing around to see what they were looking at. Finally spotting it, she saw Meredith hold a mirror for a man who held the suture in his skilled hands. Squinting through the blinds, she tried to make out his features.

"To turn me on," Cristina supplied. Alex rolled his eyes before apprising them haughtily on who he was.

"Because he's Mark Sloan. He's like the go-to plastic surgeon on the East coast." He scoffed as Emily flushed. _Mark… Mark… I know that name from somewhere,_ she mused when Meredith pulled up the blinds and the window was clear. Then she swore her heart stopped for a full three seconds. _Oh, shit. Oh, shit, oh shit._

To be fair, he should not have been able to find her so easily.

"That's the guy Addison was sleeping with?" George whispered furiously. Izzie gazed dreamily at the brunet as Meredith settled a stand for the mirror. They exchanged parting words before exiting the room.

"Well, you can't really blame her, can you?"

"No, not really," Cristina murmured back as George heaved a sigh.

"Yes, you can." They all spotted Meredith walking towards them and turned to her for details.

"McSexy wants an x-ray to check for fractures and I think it's a bad idea if I take him." Meredith explained, gazing into the room.

"Why? Why?"

"I'm on it," Alex volunteered as Emily busied herself reading the chart again. If her friends found out, she'd never hear the end of it. Covering the side of her neck as casually as she could, she felt Meredith's lab coat brush against her arm and gave herself a chance to peek up.

"Why is it a bad idea?" George pressed and the brunette glanced up.

"Because he is trying to get into the pants of every living thing with a vagina," She told him bluntly. George's eyes widened and a flush crawled up his neck as Cristina questioned the nickname.

"McYummy?" Izzie proposed.

"No." The other two disagreed.

"McSteamy,"

"Ah, there it is," Cristina approved, turning around to watch the man suture his face again. Izzie chuckled in agreement.

"Oh, excuse me. Just choking back some McVomit." George grumbled, walking away with a pen in hand. Desperate not to be alone with other women ogling over _that guy,_ she tried to think of a plan to get her out of here.

"Oh, look at the time!" Emily let out before she could stop herself. She felt three pairs of eyes burn into her and looked up, closing the folder with a loud slap of paper. "I think I hear someone calling me, very far away from here!" She stood up as Izzie's eyes focused more intensely at her. "Uh, Izzie? What? Seriously, Iz. You're freakin' me out."

"Is that a hickey?" she asked, almost breathless. The blonde's eyes widened when she realize she was correct. "Oh my god! You have a hickey!" Feeling self-conscious, she patted her neck trying to cover whatever her friend saw. "No, let me see!" Slapping the protective hands away, she stretched the skin. "Definitely, that is definitely a hickey."

"Where're you getting some?" Cristina asked, genuinely surprised. Emily didn't know whether or not to be insulted. "You've never mentioned anyone."

"It's nothing! Maybe I scratched too hard or something. Okay?" She gathered up loose papers and her patient's binder. It slipped clumsily from her grasp and she caught it before she hit the floor, running away from the laughter with an embarrassed expression across her face.

.

"Continuous orgasms? Dude, that sounds so good."

"Like you're not having that. You see that?" Izzie whispered nefariously to George who tried to hide a smile. Rolling her eyes, Emily just stopped covering it at that point. As they walked through the E.R. hall, the brunette wanted to slap Izzie so hard. In a joking way, obviously.

"Okay, first of all, it was not sex. Second of all, we aren't all hooking up with someone."

"It was a one-time lapse in judgement."

"Alex told me it was a four-time lapse," Emily sang and the blonde let out a annoyed groan, leaving them to go check on the orgasm patient. The two interns left shared a smile as they went up onto the catwalk. Alex and Cristina were there, leaning into the window and staring through to the Chief's office. Within, Emily could see Derek and Mark arguing. Mark was shouting as he waved his hands about while Derek appealed to Richard. As soon as Mark saw that, he took steps forward.

As much as Emily hated the conflict, she couldn't help but note how Mark's muscles wrapped around his back and how his arms were so damn thick. No matter what she tried, her eyes zeroed in on that ass in grey casual slacks.

"What do you got?"

"Shepherd and Sloan battling it out."

"Oh, it's gettin' good."

"Why what do you got?" Alex asked, never taking his eyes off the two battling surgeons. Emily sighed. Derek looked like an absolute hazard with pale skin and red-rimmed eyes.

"Just a woman down in the E.R… having spontaneous orgasms." Emily only ripped her gaze away when her three friends ran away to see the patient. Emily herself? She merely leaned against the rail and watched because something about Mark Sloan pulled her in, even if she wanted to shut him out.

 _Look at him, all suave and leaning against the window like it's none of his business. Screw him,_ she grumbled to herself. That black t-shirt, the pants - she needs to stop herself.

If anyone was the exact opposite of Prince Charming, it was Mark Sloan.

.

She was thankfully _not_ on the Lionitis case but she still felt like avoiding the room just in case. She doesn't think her lungs could take it if she actually was in the same vicinity as Mark Sloan. She was a professional.

She did not kiss philandering adulterers who screwed over one of her best friends, and her boss, by screwing her other boss.

As she settled into a table for lunch, she bundled the jacket around her neck as a chilly wind swept through the air. She poked at her salad as the rest of her friends approached the table. George, Izzie and Alex approached soon after, talking about the woman with spontaneous orgasms. She kept her head low as George subtly complimented Meredith between his sentences and Izzie told Alex firmly that the 'beast' wasn't hungry, him laughing heartily as he followed after the blonde.

"No, it's not Alex's penis. It's - you know when you haven't had sex for a long time and you forget how good it is so you want it less?" George asked, biting on his straw with a nervous lap. Her neck snapped up fast, painfully fast before returning to her jello.

"Yeah, that doesn't happen to me."

"Me either," Meredith agreed.

"Me either," George stuttered and Emily felt Cristina's eyes on her. Unconsciously, she placed a hand over the fading pink mark on her neck. "What did happen with your neck?" He asked curiously.

"Nothing," She dropped the appendage, grabbing the fork. "It's-" At Cristina and Meredith's sly smiles, she stopped explaining. Closing her salad, she took it and got up. "You know what? Bye. I'm leaving. This is harassment. Also, it's cold. So bye."

.

"Jailbait!" a voice called, making her freeze. Turning around as slowly as she could, she was faced with none other than Mark Sloan. "Didn't expect you to work here," he commented smoothly, leaning beside her. She tried ignoring him, tried to focus on the computer in front of her but his presence was dominating the small office-like room and she finally looked up. Dark blue scrubs instead of the grey tee, he looked just as good as he did before. Not that she was looking.

"Didn't expect you to visit here," she shot back, rotating the office chair to face him. "What are you doing here?" In the back of her mind, she unconsciously noted that his eyes flashed dangerously and he repeatedly stretched and crushed his fingers with his other hand. His eyes darted to her ID tag and they lit up with surprise.

"Addison and Derek are here, there's no one in New York left for me," He admitted, settling half of his bottom on the desk. His knee nearly touched the mouse she was using and the brunette moved it away. "'Sides, Noah Moore's sister is a little hotter than I expected."

"Right. Well, I need to get back to work, so-"

"You know, you look a lot like him but you seemed to have gotten the better half of the genes." She rolled her eyes and he brushed a curl away from her face. "You look better in scrubs than I imagined."

"Thinking about me now, are you?" she asked with a wary smile. It was like she was locked in a room with a hungry predator, but she felt bold as she leaned back. His fingers ghosted her cheek before falling away.

"Yeah. Not often girls reject me."

"Clearly people should do it more. I hear your ego barely fits in your scrub cap," she said through her teeth. She didn't know that. She was guessing based on the vibes she picked up from him.

"You know what else doesn't fit?"

"You're disgusting," she said with a shake of her head. Getting up, she found herself face to face with Mark Sloan again, their lips too close. Backing up, she gathered her charts.

"Well, no one night stands is no fun, so we all have our faults." He checked his watch before standing up again. Sending a arrogant smile her way, he chucked her under the chin and she turned to leave when he added, "You owe me a kiss, jailbait."

"I know," she admitted, turning back around and facing him by the door. He lumbered over, a slight swagger to his steps as he looked down upon her. "Why did you come to Seattle?" He froze for a second and she knew she found a weak spot. Her eyes softened and she placed a hand on his shoulder. "You answer honestly, and _then_ I give you your kiss."

"I'm in love with Addison." The admission had her blood freezing over and she let out a breath she didn't know she was holding.

"Oh." Her gaze fell to the floor between their shoes and he cups her face. For some reason, that rugged expression had fallen away to something more tender, warm. Like he understood. _Oh._

She didn't understand people who cheated.

"Why do people cheat?" she asked softly, voice wavering as she took a step back. Her parents' split resonated in her head.

"Because they love each other."

"Well, who's the poor sucker who loved the cheater?" she asked before pulling away. "You have surgery." Leaving the room, she felt her heart drop into her gut as she tried to get rid of that feeling of being lungless.

.

 _Fuck her, fuck her, fuck her._ Mark thought as he tied the scrub cap quickly behind his head. He pulled tightly, nearly wincing as he thought back to the interaction mere minutes ago with Noah's little sister. He never really knew her, thought her always as some annoying pest, but when he thought about it…

He was the exact opposite of someone she'd talk to.

Adulterer.

 _Fuck._ As he scrubbed in, turning on the sink, he thought of his four-hundred-dollar-an-hour shrink.

" _What is there to fix? I'm not broken," He shot at her, crossing his arms and leaning back against the couch. His shrink tut-tutted, crossing her arms._

" _You see? Behind this rugged and confident facade-"_

" _It isn't a facade!" He argued, "So what? Just because I've been drinking and-"_

" _Fine. It's your exterior, alright? A confident and rugged exterior. You're self-destructive and self-loathing, Mark. It's to an almost pathological degree and it's worrying me. You're full of hatred for yourself and I can see it radiate off of you."_

" _Care to tell me why?"_

" _You never grieved for your parents, Mark. One day they were there, then they were gone. No matter how much they treated you like crap, you know, deep inside that you loved them and you miss them and now you're feeling the same way about Derek and Addison. You never had people behind your back, and when you did, you clung onto them and they still left._

" _Sex doesn't resolve problems, Mark, but you're using it as a way to mimic the feeling of being loved. What I think you need to do is go out there. You never really fought for people to stay because you never had to. Derek stuck because he's your best friend, Addison and his family followed suit." she explained calmly.. Her gentle tone surprised him and he reeled back, his dark expression lessening as he leaned back. "You're drowning. Addison's gone after him, Derek's not even trying to talk to you and you're still here. You aren't fighting, Mark and you need to. You aren't letting yourself feel anything and you need to." The truth of her words hit him and left a mark of loneliness and a hollowed feeling in his chest. "So go out there, fight._ Live _."_

And here he was, doing what his shrink told him. Fighting or whatever except he wasn't. He was trying to pick up girls left and right. Pushing the button that opened the O.R. door, he took in a deep breath. Hours with in a hostile environment, with Derek practically ignoring his existence. When he glanced up at the gallery, saw how people were filing in.

He saw _her_.

She smiled down upon him, but there was something tired about her edges.

 _Good luck,_ she mouthed. He nodded and turned away, knowing that he couldn't afford to be distracted.

.

Emily knocked softly on the door on the attendings lounge. She didn't know why she was here but something about how shocked Mark Sloan was, how completely crushed he was prompted her sympathetic genes to come here and-

 _God, I hope no one else is here._

Knocking again, she held her breath and shoved her hands into her pockets. The door opened and she raised her head hesitantly.

"Jailbait?" Mark Sloan's eyes rested on her, exhaustion clear in his gaze. "What are you doing here?"

"Are you okay?" The question came out warped and he stepped aside, as if inviting her in. Stepping in hesitantly, she glanced around. This was the first time she ever came in to an attendings lounge.

"Yeah." He pulled off his shirt and went to the locker. "I'm sorry."

"For?"

"Your parents." She stiffened, trying to keep her face neutral as she plastered a smile on her face.

"Well, it's not exactly dinner conversation, is it? I don't like bringing it up." She faced him but avoided staring and he seemed to notice. "For obvious reasons." Going over to sit at one of the benches, she looked into her hands.

"Yeah. You probably don't want to speak to me." Emily scoffed quietly. "Look, I know you said you owed me a kiss but-"

"I don't wanna kiss you," she cut him off sharply, silencing him easily, "not in a 'I love you' way, or 'I even remotely like you' way, but like, I don't know." Mark had a slight smile on his face. "Okay, you're just really good looking. Like your eyes and your face and, _ergh,_ it's annoying. But! But, _that_ would be the only reason _why_ I would want to kiss you, but _normally,_ I don't really go past first-base with people because I want to make sure that they could _possibly_ be the one and-"

"Jailbait."

"Yeah?"

"Shut up." She did so. "Stand up." She also did so. He placed a hand on her waist and brought her close. She rested her hands on his shoulders hesitantly and he smiled in a way that made her more at ease. "For the record, we both agree we are not 'the one' for each other."

"Agreed."

"This is just fulfilling a deal."

"Agreed." With that he leaned down but paused. Emily sighed and he pressed their foreheads together. For some reason, the feel of his body against hers was comforting and he searched her eyes.

"You want this?"

"Yeah," she breathed quietly and he licked his lips.

"I'm flattered you think I'm annoyingly good looking," he mumbled and she rolled her eyes, lowering herself back down from the balls of her feet.

"Uh, are you gonna keep going? I just want this kiss over and done with, and then you can leave Seattle because-" He lifted her face up, pressing his mouth hard against hers. Her arms slid over his shoulders and clasped around his neck. He was a skilled kisser, no doubt, but Emily missed the energy and passion that came with it. There was something so horribly fake.

Then he pulled back, as if sensing the discord. Like it didn't feel quite right. He looked at her like it's never happened before and his eyes glowed with gentle care. It made her feel weak at the knees.

"Did you feel that?"

"Like it was wrong?" she asked and he nodded. Sighing, Emily pulled back but then he had her pinned against the lockers, his presence overwhelming.

There were always two kind of men she imagined for herself when she grew up.

A Prince Charming - perfect, kind, who kissed their lady sweetly because she was a dainty flower. Who did everything she asked, saved her with true love's kiss, married her within days of knowing her because they both knew they were soul mates.

Then, there was the Han Solo, roguish and charming and arrogant all at once who ravaged you with passion and was the type of guy to leave your heart broken even after two seconds of knowing him. Who was hard to leave, probably had some issues, and just made it so hard for you to stop loving him.

How on God's name did Mark Sloan switch so effortlessly between these two personas within a second?

"I always had a thing for it's so wrong it's right," he murmured huskily against her lips before prying her mouth open and having her moaning quietly in his arms. This time, as he kissed her, there was something _alive_ festering between their lips. Everywhere she touched, there were sparks and everywhere he glided his hands over there was fire. Their eyes were closed but it didn't matter because they already knew what the other person looked like. It was complete bliss in the quiet of the room and for a moment, Emily forgot who he was and who she was and she thought this was something out of a fairytale when the guy gets the girl, _finally._

It was a kiss, and then another, and then another until they needed to breathe but still, their breathes mingled and they breathed air as one person and Emily felt every nerve on end singing.

"Me too," she finally breathed when the door opened. Immediately moving her face away and pressing herself closer against the lockers, she wanted to melt into nonexistence. She expected chastising, she expected something like punishment because here she was, _kissing an attending,_ one she barely knew, just met, and disliked for cheating and fuck, her life was a mess but-

"Dr. Sloan?"

 _Alex?_ Still, she didn't move her head away and she knew Mark's eyes were on her, scanning her face. Her neck was red in embarrassment as a flush crawled up her neck.

"Yeah?" There was a long silence and Emily lowered her head before glancing at her friends. Strands of hair fell into her face as Cristina and Alex basically _gawked._ Mark ripped his gaze away from her to look at her intern friends.

"I should go," she mumbled and the attending turned back to her. There so much ignominy in this. Swallowing visibly, she felt a grimace make her way onto her face as she tried to suppress whatever it was that was making her heat up. "Dr. Sloan."

"Dr. Moore," he whispered and she let out a goodbye before running past her friends.

She did not kiss philandering adulterers who screwed over one of her best friends, and her boss, by screwing her other boss. Except she did.

 _Fuck._

.

Okay, that was completely unfair. He was just saying it in condolence and Derek had the nerve to walk out before claiming that it was impossible to forgive him. But, at least he had time to face Addison as she stared at him, defeat clear across her features.

"Your marriage is over, Addison," he said in a low tone, "all you have to do is admit it." As he took a few steps closer, his eyes scanned her face. "Then you can come back home with me-" And her brilliant red hair- "I'm going to the bar across the street, meet me there."

 _This is your choice_ were the unspoken words as he ran his knuckles down her cheek. Her conflicted gaze followed after him as he exited the elevator and out of the hospital. The cold air stung his skin refreshingly as he crossed the road, into the bar and into a seat next to his fellow dirty mistress.

The blonde looked sad, her eyes downcast and looking at him when he himself looked away. She said she saw her father for the first time in twenty years, he asked how it went. Her reply was sarcastically optimistic, that it could've gone better and she asks what he's still doing here. He told her about meeting Addison and the way she said that Addison wasn't going to show up hit him deep. The rawness of her voice spoke to him as if it happened to her, and maybe it had with Derek. But the protest rises in his throat, letting that silly emotion, hope some would call it, rule his next words.

"What if, just this once, life comes down on the side of the dirty mistresses?" Grey offered a small smile, more of a grimace and they sat for a few minutes more until she said it was time to tuck in for the day. She grabbed her coat, her purse, said her farewells with a squeeze on the arm and left. He cursed. Fuck. That was the most accurate description he had so far for his life. As the night slipped by, he resorted to his usual tactics. Scan the bar, look for girls, bring one home, leave early in the morning. Normally, it'd settle his mind, knowing that he had a plan, maybe even excite him but his thoughts were running rapid, spiralling and he was bored. There was no constant as his gaze drifted lazily over to the dartboard.

 _Thwack._

The sound of the dart seemed amplified to his ears despite sitting the farthest away from the board.

 _Thwack._

A round of cheers and he scanned the crowd standing at the high tables. Most were from the hospital, faceless people but still recognizable somehow in his brain. A lot were male, a few females littering the crowd but they were older, nurses and doctors alike, none younger in the range of his tastes until he saw a head of brown curls and a white blaze of a shirt. Standing, he brought his double scotch along with him as he searched for the brunette. Despite his height, the man still couldn't find her until he saw the woman leaning against a table, sharing an easy laugh with Karev, the intern he had worked with today. Staring hard at her, he tried to analyze her features in the dark.

It was Moore.

 _For fuck's sake. Seriously?_ He groaned inwardly, turning away but he knew the damage was done, she had seen him staring. Saying a few words to her friend, she brought her drink and walked up to him Her chin was tilted up as she waited for an explanation. When he was silent, the brunette finished her drink. "Looking for another fling?" Her voice was crisp and direct as she placed the glass on the bar counter. The golden light bathed their skin in a warm yellow, reflecting off her eyes and flecking her irises with burnished gold.

"Maybe," he replied vaguely, plastering a charming grin on his face. She rolled her eyes, nodding to Joe for another drink. "How about you?"

"Looking for a fling? Yeah, totally," she snorted. "No, I have to explain _profusely_ why I was making out with you in the attendings room."

"Why do you need to suggest otherwise?" he teased and he was surprised at how hard it was to hate her. Not that he had a reason to, yet.

"Because I'm not that kind of girl," she said with raised eyebrows but there was a growing smile. "Look, I fulfilled my end of the deal. There's nothing more to it." Her eyes crinkled when she smiled like that and he liked how there were dimples, two in one cheek, one on the other. "So, yeah. And for the record, I don't normally kiss people cheats. It was just a deal."

He chuckled, "I get it. I'm heading out anyways." What a lie but he didn't exactly have a choice now that he said it. Besides, there was no action in this bar. "See you, Moore."

"You're staying?" The surprise in her tone caught him off-guard but he shook his head.

"It's just something people say, jailbait."

"Oh. Uh, yeah. Okay, see you, then." Blushing, she ducked her head. As she passed, something slipped into her hand and she paused. Raising her right hand, she noted the slip of paper pressed firmly against her palm. Opening it, she glanced back to see Mark smirking at her. Rolling her eyes, she pinned in the number in her phone and scribbled on the back of it with a pen, her own number. "Wipe the smug smile off of your face,"

"How can I?" He replied, sashaying up to her in a completely over-exaggerated manner and snatching the paper from her hands. "Ring me up. Keep me company." He rolled his fingers into a fist except for his thumb and pinkie finger, shaking the gesture beside his ear. Laughing, she pushed him lightly against the shoulder.

"Whatever." She rolled her eyes for what seemed like the two-millionth time. As she turned around once again for the exit, the brunette was unaware of the piercing stare at her back.

 **A/N: Edited - August 30, 2018**


	12. Text Me

How do you explain to two of your friends why you were kissing an attending who was famed for cheating with the head of OB/GYN.

The answer? You just try your hardest and fail spectacularly.

"It was a deal."

"Well, whatever it is, you should get in on it more."

Emily wanted to cut her ears off. Unfortunately, doing so would mean she could not be a surgeon so she did not. She just made sure they swore to secrecy but when Meredith eyed her the first next morning with a smirk, she knew that Cristina let the dog out. Whatever. As long as the attendings didn't figure out.

.

"What's going on?" Cristina asked as the two spotted George nearly yelling at their other friends. As the brunet stormed past them, Emily tried to grab her shoulder but he shrugged her off sharply.

"Baby boy is freaking out," Alex told them as the infuriated intern stormed down the hall.

"She can see that," Izzie snapped.

"I can see that," Cristina agreed.

"Why is he freaking out?" the three women chorused.

"George!" Emily called after him, walking faster but Meredith was faster, pleading to talk. He whipped around, a frustrated expression across her face. Spitting words in the blonde's face, he threw open the door, stomping down the stairs. As they followed after him, Meredith agreed.

"Okay, you're right! But can we just talk now?"

"You want to talk now because you told everyone that we had sex!" he yelled, exasperated. Reeling back, she nearly bumped into Alex as they all froze on the steps. Eyes widening, this time her head did brush the other male intern's scrub shirt.

Three variations of "You had sex with George?" left their mouths in exclaims causing George to whip around, surprised.

"You didn't tell them?"

"No," Meredith sighed heavily, a hand to her temple. Letting out a curse, he started down the stairs again until the squeak of shoes caused them to watch as George's body thumped against the steps. As they cried out in fear, he let out a groan of pain. They stared as he writhed in pain, clutching his left side before they finally came to their senses. Izzie slapped Alex for laughing, an offended expression across all the females' faces as the women started down the stairs. With Meredith leading the pack, the interns ran down the stairs and helped George up, gathering the dropped notepad and book.

"Are you okay?" Emily asked first, helping him up. Touching his left shoulder, she felt him wince. "George? Okay, it's a dislocated shoulder."

"Fine," he gritted out, "great." Meredith opened the door and they slowly walked him to an exam room, paging for ortho. "Get out," he demanded.

"Dude, let us see your arm first,"

"Especially you, Alex," The brunet hissed as he adjusted his grip on the table. Flinching, he let the remaining interns perform tests on him except Meredith, who stayed back, a solemn mask upon her features. "I'm fine. No headaches, no stomach aches, my shoulder's just dislocated, okay? Get out," They did, crowding around the window.

"Go away."

.

 _:Mer i need to jumpstart my car wont start:_

 _:i cant Em im out:_

 _:where the heck are you out i cannot get to work:_

 _:out on some mountain trail:_ Emily didn't need to type a response for her friend to know she was waiting for an explanation. _:with derek we're walking doc we're friends:_

 _:friends sure:_

 _:FRIENDS:_

 _:so youre out with your ex that you still love while im waiting on a jumpstart seriously!?:_ Frowning, she added :thats a terrible idea i bet he does his mcdreamy thing all the time:

 _:im happy shut up:_

 _:youre on a mountain with your one true love dont let me bother you:_ She typed in sarcastically.

 _:I wont:_ The response came quick and she huffed although a smile played across her lips at the thought of the two surgeons alone together on the nature trail.

.

Eventually, she did get a hold of Alex who, although half-heartedly, did drive to her apartment and jump start her car. He did it quickly, efficiently, with the movements of someone who did it often. Opening the trunk, he tucked the cable away before slamming it shut. Turning to her, he nudged the brunette with his shoulder. With an annoyed half-smile, he walked around to the driver's seat. "You owe me."

"I know!" she called back, opening the driver's door. "Say the word."

"You got it."

.

"You really like him, don't you?" Emily asked as she saw Izzie keep staring at the brunet on the bed, his chest rising and falling peacefully. The blonde turned her head at the voice but still kept an eye out of her peripheral on him.

"Who?"

"Denny."

"Oh… yeah. I mean," She cleared her throat awkwardly, "I'm sleeping with Alex, so,"

"Right," The brunette shook her head, disbelief clear in her hazel eyes. "Right, okay then. If you say so." Checking her phone, she didn't know why but she thought there was a text from someone. And she knew exactly who that someone was, so she opened her messages and sent a new one.

 _:hey:_

.

As she flipped through the charts, she heard a low wail pierce the silence. Looking up, she spotted a woman with straight black hair holding onto the rails of her bed and bending, breathing deeply. "Ma'am." She stood, walking into the patient's room. "Are you alright?" Helping the woman up, she aided the soon-to-be mother onto the bed.

"Yeah, just a bout of Braxton." The woman let out a relieved sigh, "He's pressing down on my bladder and I needed to pee," She said with a gusty laugh. Smiling, Emily flipped through the chart and clicking her pen. Another low groan escaped the woman and the doctor stood, feeling the rounded abdomen.

"How long have you been having these contractions, Mrs. Smith?"

"About an hour. Hasn't been this bad before though. I've tried changing positions and walking but they aren't really working as they did before,"

"And how long are each?"

"I don't know, maybe thirty-forty seconds?" The woman's face scrunched up in fear, "Why? What do you think is wrong?" Plastering a smile on her face, Emily grabbed a pair of gloves and told the woman to lie down and relax.

"Don't worry, I'm just performing a cervical exam. How long have you been here?" The brunette asked, trying to distract her. Her blood chilled as she tried to feel for a head and instead felt a foot with curled toes.

"Only got admitted a few days ago but Dr. Shepherd's been busy. Another woman examined me."

"Did they perform a cervical exam?"

"No, I don't think so," she replied easily before frowning. "Why do you have that look on your face?"

"Nothing, it's nothing." The intern spotted a nurse at the station and quickly got her attention. As the woman leaned down beside the brunette's ear, she whispered urgently, "Page Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd." Feeling for another foot, she shook her head minutely as it came into contact, "Tell her Olivia Smith is in complete breech."

"Right away, doctor,"

"Tell me, what's happening?" Olivia Smith gritted out through her teeth as she removed her hands from the woman's body and tore off the gloves. Bringing the rails of the bed up, she patted the panting woman's shoulder. "Your baby is in breech, Olivia. Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd is going to perform a c-section. You're going to be fine, just fine, okay?" Nodding nervously, the woman was wheeled out of her room with the help of a few nurses. "Book an O.R.,"

"Dr. Moore!" Whipping around, she spotted the familiar redhead, "Alert the husband then scrub in. Good catch," the attending complemented, taking head of the situation.

.

"O'Malley, you're a sad excuse for a man," Alex commented darkly with a chuckle, earning the attention of the other interns in the locker room. George shrugged off his lab coat, pretending not to be fazed.

"Excuse me?"

"I know you heard me." The man raised his head, his eyes dark, "You're like a whiny, little girl." Glaring at the brunet, he returned back to his task of fidgeting with a pen. Meredith let out a warning from where she sat on the bench as Cristina just ignored the trio. Emily sent the man a frown, poking her head through her shirt. "You know why he's not speaking to you, because he's not over you. Man," He addressed George, "you got laid. It went badly; a man would move on. But you - you mope around this place like a dog that likes to get kicked. You make me sick," As he continued to rant, his tone rose in volume. Now finally facing the frozen brunet, Alex stalked over.

"Alex!" She called but he ignored her, coming nose to nose with George.

"And if it wouldn't get me thrown out of the program, I'd smash your pathetic little face right into that locker!" A fist came into contact with the metal door as he said this. Even Cristina ducked her head away from the man. Rubbing the back of her neck, the rest of them watched Alex slam his own locker shut and storm out.

"Should I-" She started but faltered at their slight shake of the head. Staring blankly at her locker, she ran through the things she needed to do. Grab dinner, sleep, shower. Not in that order, she mused, grabbing her bag and jacket. Swinging it onto her shoulders, she took out her phone to check for any missed calls. Instead, she found unread texts.

 _:hi:_

 _:wait you text me and then you dont answer:_

 _:wow are you alive its like 3 am here:_ That was the most recent one, sent mere minutes before. Smiling, she dialled the contact number as she exited the locker room with a wave farewell.

 _"So the woman finally calls!_ " the man on the other end exclaimed, his voice heavy with exhaustion.

"Shut it, Sloan. I've been working," she shot back, walking down the hall. "You should be sleeping," the brunette added, pressing the elevator button. The words slipped out as reprimanding but with a undertone of sincerity.

" _Can't sleep. It's a habit,_ " he said, seeming to move something due to the squeak. A bed, she presumed as the elevator doors open. _"So, why'd you text me?"_

"I was bored."

 _"So you find me entertaining?"_

"It'll take a while to look past the adultery, but I think you're a person, too," she said with a shrug and then remembered he couldn't see her. "Anyways, how was your day?"

 **A/N: Edited - August 30, 2018**


	13. Routine

Every weekend, Emily found herself fiddling with the phone in her hands before pressing the call button. Currently, she was in bed off a shift but she could recall numerous times Sloan had called her while at the hospital, resulting in many, _many_ long voicemails complaining or just telling her about his day because ' _I'm bored, Moore, and literally every single intern I've ever met is an idiot.'_

She had responded with the fact that she was an intern and he said he could make an exception because they're friends. Well, she hadn't denied that.

" _Hey, jailbait,_ " the voice greeted warmly and she leaned back against her pillows. Using her free hand to flip through the medical journal, she twisted off the cap of her highlighter. " _Whatcha up to?"_

"I'm reading."

" _About?"_

"Cutting edge medical research, obviously," she muttered sarcastically. "I never knew your worked under John Seever."

" _Jealous?"_

"Well, I can't give you the satisfaction of that, can I?" she said but already a smile was making its way onto her face. "Yeah, a bit." Mark Sloan seemed to shuffle something on the other end and her interest piqued. "What are you doing?"

" _Laundry_."

"Oh, okay. Wait, let me get my load." She got out of bed, leaving the phone on her sheets. Unbeknownst to her, on the other end of the line, Mark Sloan smiled.

.

"So is this routine now…. Or….?" Mark trailed off with a smirk. He used his chin to keep the shirt secure against his chest as he folded it. He gazed at the other small stacks of clothing before cracking a small smile. "I mean, I absolutely adore laundry but we do it every time we talk." A series of beeps on the other end made his smile grow as a response finally came through.

"It's our thing, Sloan." Her voice was distant, nearly overridden by a loud rumbling. A slam and a sound of being grappled later, her tone was clearer. "Okay, I'm back and folding. So whatcha do today?"

"Eh, did a few jobs, tummy tuck. Nothing happens here, Moore," he complained, grabbing one of his black socks. Looking around, he tried to find its matching pair as he heard her laugh.

"Poor, poor you," she simpered, flapping a pair of pants to straighten out the legs and get rid of the static. "Any burns?"

"Are you saying you like people getting burned, you sadistic demon?" He gasped in fake horror, raising stacks of clothing to find that other black sock. "Where is that other sock, Moore? Tell me!" he yelled as if the world were ending.

"Drama queen," she sang with a chuckle. "Did you try your jeans? Maybe the static got them stuck together again. Also, remember you need to buy a new dress shirt because that woman got Thai noodles on your blue one and the dry cleaner couldn't get it out."

"Why are you more on top of my life than I am?" he asked, amused, searching for the pair of unfolded jeans and flipping it over, finding the black garment splat across the butt-area. Scanning his room, he spotted the blue shirt in question, a browning stain distastefully blemishing the spot across the breast.

"Because." She shrugged as if that were an excuse before remembering his previous words. "Also, I am _not_ a sadistic demon. It just gets boring being in plastics if there isn't anything exciting."

"True," he agreed, sitting down with a sigh. "You're too pretty to be a demon. Maybe you're an angel. You look good in white."

"Don't start. I'm exhausted," she grumbled back, hanging up a jacket and folding the last pair of pants. Stacking them neatly in her laundry basket, she flopped on the bed, the phone bouncing by her mouth. "Maybe we can not fold laundry next time?" she proposed sleepily. Mark began putting away his clothes, opening the well-used walk-in closet in his New York flat. He did the task quickly, eager to rest on the large bed. Throwing back the covers, he rested against the pillows at the head of the bed, letting his eyes flutter shut.

"Okay." He pulled the covers up to his shoulder, letting the cold silk rest against his skin as he adjusted his grip on his cell phone. "So it's a date?" He smirked.

"Sloan!" Her groan caused a chuckle to escape him. Despite her clearly being tired, she found sleep escaping him as the man was silent on the other end. "Sloan?" she asked, a dead-tired hum being his response. "Are you asleep?"

"Nope. Tired, though." he responded, eyes closed as he turned off the lamp. The light drained from the room, casting the walls a eery blue from the bright New York life outside. "I want to go back to Seattle," he let out before grimacing. How childish did he sound to say such words.

"Come back, then," she prompted, adjusting a pillow underneath her neck and head. "Not everyone hates you,"

"Derek and Addison do," he answered. "Should we try sleeping?"

"Isn't it like twelve over there?" she murmured and sighed at his affirmation. "Yeah, maybe we should."

"Okay."

"I don't want to end the call," she whispered as her eyes slid closed. He put the phone by his mouth and upped the volume on speaker. "You do it."

"We can just stay here, if you want," he mumbled and she hummed her agreement. The last thing he heard before falling asleep was her gentle breathing across the line.

.

 _Em,_

 _I'm keeping this short and leaving details out because I don't want you to worry plus I want you to focus on your residency. MSF is moving out and we're doing a medical evac on Aleppo and I thought that you deserved to know. I already emailed Theresa and the kids but it might be weeks or months before you hear from me again so this is my last email to you because we won't have time for emails once we get these people outta here. So, yeah. Don't get into one-night stands or have your heart broken because I seriously don't want to beat up a guy as soon as I come back._

 _I love you, Emily. You're my little sister and I always will love you. Don't worry about me, I'll see you again. Promise._

 _Lots of love,_

 _Noah_

 _._

"Dr. Shepherd," she greeted with a smile. The tension between them had melted over the months and it was almost like they were friends. Almost. "How's the woman? Did she have a seizure yet?" The raven-haired man sent her one of his own smiles before shaking his head.

"Yep. Grand mal, then says she doesn't want the surgery. She said the fighting was causing the seizures."

"Poor you," she teased, surprised at how easy it was. She jotted down some notes about a plastics patient, a fond smile flitting across her face at the thought of the specialty. "What?" she asked when she noticed Derek smiling at her. He just shook his head, returning his gaze back to the chart but the corners of his mouth still curved up.

"You're smiling," he said as if obvious. Glaring at him, she clipped her pen to the breast pocket of her coat.

"Am I some demon?" she asked, recalling Mark's words from the previous night. "I am allowed to be happy," the brunette added snippily. She glanced at him, displeased to see another smile forming. "What is it?" The complaint flew out of her mouth before she could stop it. A vibration on the side of her leg made her take out her phone, seeing a notification from Mark. The corners of her lips quirked up.

"You're doing it again."

"What am I _doing?_ " She rolled her eyes as she read the text quickly.

"You smile like you just got engaged," Neck snapping up, she sent him the most heated glare she could muster causing him to laugh and walk away, chart in hand. "I'll get you for that, Shepherd!" she yelled, a flush crawling up her neck.

.

As she adjusted the man on the bed's morphine drip, she rolled her eyes at the needless pratter of the manager. "And lemme tell ya, you need to work out more, Chaz."

"Oh my god, shut up!" She snapped. "Shut the hell up! Just, oh my god just please. My ears are _bleeding._ There are people with _bullets_ in their bodies and shattered bones and you're sitting here bragging about having scratches from glass. Yes, congratulations on having so very minor injuries but there are people, in an insurmountable amount of pain, who are not praying _to God_ that they will survive, but that you will, kindly, shut the hell up." Bailey stared at her, a small smile appearing on her face as her patient mouthed a thank-you. Emily let out a disgusted snort at Chaz's silence and left.

.

Those were gunshots. Definitely gunshots. She had heard enough of those from her brother when he went to the range. Closing her eyes for just a fraction of a second, the echoing of those bullets rang in her mind before she opened them again, running towards the ambulance bay. Meeting up with Dr. Bailey, she crouched in front of a paramedic, taking his pulse. It was gone, brain matter spread across the blood from his head. "I need some help!" Head snapping up, she spotted the familiar blue of an attending and the dark skin.

"Dr. Burke!" she gasped, sprinting to his side. Helping Bailey stem the bleeding with the front of his shirt, the two spotted the wound oozing blood. Yelling for a gurney, they continued to try and apply pressure when two coworkers pushed the appliance to them.

"On three. One, two, three," They lifted the man onto the bed, pushing him into the hospital. Spotting Dr. Webber, they shared words before entering a trauma room.

"Dr. Bailey," she started helplessly as they hooked him up on monitors.

"Blinds," the woman ordered to which she complied, pulling down the shades as the man began responding. He tried sitting up but Bailey laid him back down as he began chuckling. "He's lost a lot of blood,"

"Page Shepherd."

"Dr. Bailey, when did you get here?" he asked, causing a shared look between all doctors. At their serious looks, his smile faded.

"You heard the man, page him," Nodding quickly, she rushed to the phone, dialling the numbers as if muscle memory.

"Shepherd to trauma one, now," she spoke quickly, returning back to the cardiothoracic surgeon's bedside. Cleaning blood off the man's skin, she watched as Derek entered, pausing slightly at the sight of his colleague. Snapping out of his daze, he grabbed his flashlight, shining it into the man's pupils before inspecting the wound. As they worked, hooking him up to monitors and making sure he didn't bleed out, none heard the door open.

"You're shot?" All their heads snapped towards the voice. Cristina.

"Cristina, get back to your patient," Richard ordered gently as they kept cleaning the wound. Emily pushed a gentle hand back against his chest to keep the attending down.

"We got this, okay?"

"Cristina…" She shook her head minutely before returning back to her patient. The asian woman left in a flurry, rage clear in her eyes. As they flipped him onto his side, they searched for an exit wound, finding none. "No exit wound," she reported, holding gauze firmly against his skin.

"Entry through the upper right corner, could be lodged in the spine. Okay, let's roll him over," Derek murmured and they did so, as gently as possible. Burke let out a small groan before silencing. "Watch the arm. Hey, Dr. Burke?" Then did she realize how much blood truly had left his body, staining the sheets although he was barely conscious, letting out a grunt. "The bullet is in dangerous property here, okay? We need to check your hand function,"

"I want you to try and squeeze my fingers, okay?" the Chief informed, holding his limp fingers. Nothing moved. The elder surgeons shared looks as Cristina entered again.

"They moved my guy upstairs. How is he?"

"I need you to wait outside."

"I'm not gonna wait outside," she refused, pushing past the woman and holding her boyfriend's hand. "Burke." Her voice seemed to wake him up, and he was able to articulate his next words. Moving the ultrasound away from him, Emily backed away, letting Cristina take her place. Ducking her head, she trailed her hand across the woman's back in some art of comfort, leaving the trauma room.

.

"Sorry, just had to get Burke- what happened?"

"Yeah, let's bring the whole family along," George snipped sarcastically as the beeping continued onwards. "Adenosine, it's adenosine, Meredith!"

"What?" Emily's eyes widened at the sight of Denny's heart rate, "What are you…" She trailed off when she spotted the blonde searching through the cabinets in a frenzy. Noticing the drug they needed, she grabbed it, passing it to Meredith.

"Cristina, come over here. Lift up his arm. I always see nurses lift the arm when they push adenosine. Gets to the heart faster," George ordered, a calm aura surrounding him as Izzie reassured the man on the bed that he wasn't going to die, pressing the oxygen mask against his face.

"We're heading back to flatline," Cristina informed, placing her stethoscope on his chest. Turning back to the brunet, she murmured, "Are you sure we're using the right drug?" Emily checked his blood pressure that began to drop as his pulse began to fade. As Cristina retreated with her instrument, she unwrapped her own stethoscope around her neck, double-checking for a heartbeat.

"The book said it was the right one," George defended. "We needed to stop his heart."

"Adenosine, then. Stop his heart for six seconds? It's right," the brunette affirmed, slipping past them and standing next to Meredith writing onto Denny's chart. Emily threw the needle cap away before turning around to notice Izzie giving them glances.

"He's not going to die, right? Right?" The heart-monitor's frantic beeps disappeared, replaced by a flat, single tone. The silence was heavy, the tension thick as they watched with weighted eyes.

 _One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six._ They all counted the seemingly slow seconds when suddenly it began to register a heart beat again, a steady one. Sighing in relief, they all watched as Denny breathed again, Izzie pumping the LVAD. "You fools-" Freezing, the six interns turned to find Dr. Bailey staring at them, at what they did- "better have a _good_ explanation for this. Step away from the patient," she ordered softly, venomously. Emily sucked in a breath, complying with her head bowed. The repeated _whoosh_ of the pump was the only sound in the room. "Step _away_ from the patient," the black woman ordered, louder.

"I can't," Izzie said softly, defeat evident in her tone. "I have to pump his heart,"

"Olivia, take over for Dr. Stevens." The redhead nodded, slipping past them. "Izzie, you're done here. I need you to leave the room." All their heads rose, sharing glances full of sorrow and sympathy.

"Izzie-" Olivia tried before flinching away from her outburst.

"No, do not touch me!" Gathering the attention of the room, Bailey muttered instructions to the nurse to stay, to help if the blonde would allow her before commanding the other interns out.

"You four, outside. Now!" Her throat closed as she walked somberly behind Meredith, piling around the entrance room. "Where was rational thought?" the woman began in a whisper, one full of anger. "Where was cognitive thinking? Where was 'First Do No Harm'? The morals, the ethics - where was _sanity_ when you four decided to help that girl?" She couldn't even bare to look at them. Swallowing painfully, Emily looked above her resident's head in an attempt to not reveal the emotion threatening to overcome her face. He had just walked in - if she had come only minutes later, perhaps she wouldn't be standing here. It was a terrible thought, but it was there.

"We didn't-"

"No, no. No speaking. Nobody speaks. I do not want to have to testify against any of you in a court of law," the black-haired woman snapped, holding up a finger, "not one word. She cut his LVAD wire." A tone of disbelief resonated in her words before seeing George turn away. "Look, I said no speaking,"

"I didn't say anything," he protested, his volume startling everyone except, of course, Bailey.

"I said no moving. Cristina," she directed this to the asian woman, "Burke is asking for you. Go," The intern was quick to slip past them, walking on a near-run down the empty hall. "I'm assuming," she addressed the other three, "you ran labs? I'm asking a question. Answer me!"

"You said no speak-"

"Don't be a smartass, Mer," Emily whispered into the shorter woman's ear.

"I know what I said! O'Malley, get me the lab results. Do not pass go, do not talk to another living soul. Get the labs, get back here." And then there were two.

Shit. "Moore, Grey, come with me."

.

"I cut the LVAD wire." Izzie.

"Actually… I cut the LVAD wire," Meredith.

"No, I did it. I'm the one who cut the wire." George.

"Fine, I cut the LVAD wire." Cristina.

"But that's wrong. I did it. I cut the LVAD wire," Emily.

"I didn't do anything. I'm totally innocent." And then there was Alex.

"Alex!" Meredith hissed, causing an outbreak of accusations flung at each other.

"People! I know who did this," Webber silenced them, "so you might as well come clean, I know."

"Then why are you asking us, then?" Emily asked. "Sir," she added as an afterthought, "with all due respect."

"If you knew, you wouldn't be asking us," George agreed. Izzie began her confession, only to be cut off by Meredith, then Cristina and George, each backing up their fellow intern's words. Obviously caught, the Chief stood menacingly. He leaned over his desk, a thunderstorm brewing on his face as he demanded once again, to know who did it. But they were silent, uneager to answer his question. Their loyalty binded them together, even Alex not letting them get caught. As they made for the door, it was then that their punishment hit them

No surgeries, no watching from the gallery. Only one patient: Camille Travis and everything she wants, she gets. As they filed out, Emily felt a tad bit proud, defending the blonde and maybe the others felt that way too. But it was clear Alex was regretting sticking together. Rubbing the back of her neck, she sighed as they descended down the stairs.

Maybe it wouldn't be that bad.

.

It was that bad. A prom…. Really?

 **A/N: Edited - August 31, 2018**


	14. Her Prince and the Ball

Emily believed all the interns thanked God that Bailey knew prom. Silver and white was a good theme. Of course, Emily's own prom was along the lines of awkwardly standing there while everyone of her friends had a date. She did, of course, have one but it was where they didn't really want to be there. Like they were friends, sure, but ones that occasionally said hi in the hallways. At least in her mind. He apparently had had a crush on her. But that was in the past, and she needed to help with the prom. Of course, George and Alex had already ordered balloons and streamers and Meredith was pondering over food and the space of where the prom was but there was also the music, the stereo system, and a DJ.

As she scrolled on the internet for the available services, she absently checked her phone. Four missed calls, one from Theresa and three from Mark. Furrowing her brow, she dialled his phone number, wondering why he was calling her. She always told him when she was on call… then it hit her. She wasn't suppose to be on call, in fact, she was just about to go to the locker room when last night happened. Sighing, she stared at the words on the computer screen, slowly blanking out.

" _Look who's crawling back,"_ a familiar voice drawled.

"I regret calling you already," She shot back, snapping out of her daze. "I regret life at the moment, actually. What's up with you that you needed to call me _three_ times?"

" _Ah, so the usual,"_ he quipped before contemplating his answer. " _Text me your address, I'll be there in a few hours."_

"I'm texting you _what_ now?" she asked in a harsh whisper, blinking hard when she realized that the computer was starting to burn her eyes. He seemed to smirk and Emily could definitely hear it in his voice.

" _I know you heard me._ " A distant, booming voice caused a pause and the brunette could vaguely hear a flight number.

"Well, you have to prepare yourself because there's a prom," she blurted out in an attempt to dissuade him to come. Hopefully he'd think it's too childish. There was a long silence and she pulled the phone away from her ear to make sure that he was still on the line and then he finally answered.

" _A prom."_

"Yeah, a prom."

" _Remind me to get a tux and a corsage, too. See you in a few hours, jailbait."_

"Wait, what?" She asked, uncomprehendingly. Mark was coming to Seattle just in time for prom. Just in time to take _her to prom._ Oh, shit. The need to really take this seriously overtook her. Like she had to impress him.

This was so stupid.

" _I'm coming to Seattle,"_ he said slowly, " _and now I'm taking you to prom."_

" _Yeah, I - but why? I don't like you!"_ Spotting Derek's tired expression, she quickly changed her tone.

" _You love me,"_ he sang and she let out a sound. " _We're going as friends, Moore. Don't worry."_

"Yes. Uhm, yeah, of course." The neurosurgeon sent her a glance as she added, "That would be fantastic, goodbye."

" _What-_ " His confused tone was cut off as she ended the call, sliding the phone into her pocket and focusing on the screen again. Giving him a small grin, he passed by her, unsuspicious that she was talking amicably to his ex-best friend. Still, she kept her phone underneath the desk as she texted Sloan her address. When it was done, she brought the phone back up to a normal position. Sighing, she dialled her sister in law's phone number, smiling when the woman picked up, her gentle voice soothing her worries away.

.

When she was first 'summoned' to the conference room, Emily felt a slight weight of dread. But as she sat down in that chair in front of the Chief of Surgery, it vanished and the chain on her mouth was easy to lock up. Mentally throwing away the key, she stared, raising an eyebrow in a _you can't make me talk_ kind of way until minutes passed. The clock behind him ticked slowly, second by second.

"I don't have anyone to ask to prom," she finally said, clasping her hands together and twiddling her thumbs. "Mind you, I'm not going with Alex." An image of Mark flashed in her mind. "Someone did ask me and I didn't say no but he's coming anyways, so I can't really stop him. You know, maybe I won't mind him. We've known each other for about a month now? We talk on the phone every week and text, like, every day. I would say we're dating because that's what it sounds like, but we're not. We're just friends. He's a surgeon, just like I am, so he understands crazy hours." And now the more she thought about it, Emily knew he understood more than just her crazy hours. "He's - I've never met anyone like him. So, maybe I won't mind taking him to prom. How about you, Dr. Webber?"

"Dr. Moore-"

"That's the thing, Dr. Webber. This-" She gestured around them- "is useless. I'm not going to talk and we're both wasting our times here when we could be out there doing our jobs. So until you can say I can go, I am going to make small talk about the prom and how my friend is taking me and he's getting a corsage and everything." The brunette finished with a smile and a slight tilt of her head. He was silent for a few moments, staring before uttering a single syllable.

"Go."

"Thank you sir, good day," It was almost sarcastic, coming out of her mouth as she stood and swung the door open, leaving and taking out her phone to do the math on how long it'd be before he was in Seattle. He should be arriving in four and a half hours hours. Great. Time for her to prepare for _prom._

.

Taking out a simple dress, she pressed it against her chest and looked at her reflection. It was sleeveless, a white bodice ombreing slowly to a night black. Contrasting it to another, this one a eminence shade of purple, it's off-the-shoulder sleeves a translucent material rimmed with a solid tone. It was floor length, flowing and fanning slightly from her waist, compared to the more swishy material that would brush against her legs. Frowning, she continued to switch, pressing each hanger against her collarbone. The battle in her mind continued to find differences, balancing each detail on an imaginary scale.

 _And what about my hair?_ she thought distastefully, glaring at her reflection's wet hair tied up in a towel. _But, if I go with the black and white, I have more jewellry to work with. But then, purple was always a good color on me and that purple eyeshadow I bought a few months ago would look good,_ she mused. _Plus, that necklace Noah got me for my first prom, I still have it._ Then, she realized, _Why am I taking this so seriously?_

Finally deciding on the purple off-shoulder dress, she dried her hair, curling it in much more exaggerated curls than her normal loose ones. Staring at her reflection in the bathroom, she decided to leave it down, letting it spill over one shoulder as she picked up a makeup brush and applied as little as possible. Dusting pink across her cheeks and swiping a pale shade of lipstick across her mouth, she searched for her eyeshadow. Finding it easily, the brunette colored her eyes and lined them. A bit overdone, but hey, it was prom. Stark naked, she unzipped her dress and stepped in. Pulling it up, she was careful not to pull any seams. As the dress finally snugged her waist and hips properly, the brunette reached around to pull up her zipper before sighing at the most obvious problem.

She couldn't zip it all the way up.

Deciding to just find someone, any one of the other interns to help her at the prom, she took out a jewellry case, a gemstone necklace sitting in a chunk of velvet. Noah had bought it for her, all those years ago. Smiling nostalgically, she took it out and was about to put it on when she noted her phone. It was sitting near the charger where she was sure to forget it if she didn't do anything about it now. Grabbing her device, Emily placed it in her clutch and rushed into the living room, trying to haphazardly pin her necklace around her neck. Sighing in frustration, she paused for a second before there was a knock on the door.

.

Mark got out from the taxi, glancing up at the drab building. It was bland but stable, lacking any color except the drab grey and few windows. To the right was the entrance for the garage but he walked forward towards the lobby, smiling charmingly at the receptionist and managing to convince her to allow him to the third floor. Checking his phone for the text, he glanced along the numbers, walking slowly until he stopped on a graved 39.

Swallowing, he rapped his knuckles against the door whilst keeping one hand behind his back. The door opened, revealing a rather disgruntled brunette who snapped a quick "What?" She seemed to be fiddling with something around her neck before he realized that a flashing purple gemstone rested on her sternum.

"Need some help with that?" He asked amusedly, watching her head slowly raise up with an embarrassed flush.

"Sloan. Come on in," she managed weakly, letting him walk in. He trailed her figure, noting the unzipped back of her dress. "And yeah, sorry," Walking over, he took the jewellry gently from her fingers and wrapped it around her neck, silently asking for her to raise her curls. Complying, she waited patiently for him to clip it. He did so quickly but as she turned around, he placed a hand on her waist, prompting her to stay put.

"You need some help with that, too?" he questioned teasingly, pulling the zipper up easily in a nonchalant manner.

"Yeah, thanks." She turned, pulling at her fingers. "What are you doing here?" Showing her what was in his other hand, he smiled. She shook her head but there was a sliver of a smile as he took her hand.

"Moore, would you like to go to prom with me?"

"You're so lame," she mumbled as he slipped the corsage on. Somehow, he had known purple would be the colour of the dress and she raised an eyebrow.

"How did you know to pick purple?"

"I know things," he said. "Lucky guess." Laughing, she adjusted the corsage admiringly. It was a small bouquet of purple and white flowers, perfect for her. When she glanced up at him again, she saw him looking at her with those blue eyes. "You look perfect, Moore," he whispered and she tried to find some lie or something fake in those words but found none. "Every time I see you, you just turn it up a notch."

There it was.

"You had to cheapen it."

"It's my thing," he said, flashing a smile. "Come on, I gotta go pick up my tux and you have to pick out my boutonnière." Smiling disbelievingly, Emily took out a box for her heels and slipped them on. Grabbing her clutch, she turned and reached for the door.

"I'm picking out your boutonnière," she repeated, voice breathy for the laugh bubbling in her throat. He nodded, joining her at the door. He opened it for her and she wrinkled her nose at him before the two started heading down the hall. "For the record, we are not friends." He gaped at her, vaguely offended. Nudging her, he caught her when he realized he had done it too hard. Bursting into laughter, she held onto his grey sweater as he slithered a hand around her waist to stabilize her.

"Sorry."

"And that is why we're not friends," she announced, digging a finger into his chest. He pulled a face before chuckling.

"Let's just get to prom."

.

"Jailbait!" he called out to the brunette in the purple dress, fixing the dark purple tie around his neck. Pulling down his collar, he stopped in front of her, putting his hands in his coat pockets. She stood, flashing a smile as she fiddled with a flower in her hands. It was something hastily bought, with a cluster of white flowers at the base and she weaved it into his lapel.

"There. Now, we're perfect," she teased as he offered his arm to her. Her eyes studied him for a second and the plastics surgeon smiled because she was right.

"Oh, you always look perfect," he told her honestly. Immediately, she rolled her eyes and he felt a pang in his gut he didn't know the meaning of. "I mean it."

"Well, you look like a prince," she quipped, resting her temple to his shoulder for a fraction of a second before they reached the car. Driving quickly to the hospital, the need to fulfill her joke as a humorous act filled him and he dashed out of the car, opening her door for her. "Why," she gasped, "thank you,"

"You're welcome, princess," he teased, bending down and offering her a hand. "The ball awaits," he declared dramatically. Letting out a chuckle, she nodded and placed her hand in his. Their palms fit perfectly as he helped her out of the car and lead her into the hospital after locking the car.

"Indeed it does!"

.

Swaying with her supposed 'date', Emily shushed him with a finger to the lips. "This is dangerous," she whispered, eyeing the couples near them. Derek and Addison were dancing but the brunette could spot the neurosurgeon staring at Meredith and vice versa. Feeling as if she were an intruder, she gazed at Mark, who was a respectable distance away.

"I think you know I live on the wild side of danger," he said, stepping in time with the music. Her dress was easy for her to maneuvered in and their steps were slow and easy, trying to acquaint themselves with each other's presence. Despite his rather womanizing ways, Emily found herself content when near him, conversation flowing easily between them and he had refrained from flirting after she had given him a wicked glare. "You know," he started, drawing her away from her musings.

"Yeah?"

"It hurts." The words were raw even in its hushed tone and she tilts her head up at him. Her hands rest on her shoulder, but in that moment trailed up to his jaw fleetingly before pulling away. "To be this close to Addison and not say anything,"

"Because you can't," she said knowingly. "Do you need some time to-"

"No," he answered forcefully, out from his clenched jaw. "it's easier with you. It just feels better." It was clear he didn't understand why but she just allowed him to pull her closer until she could hear the beating of his heart. "It feels better," he repeated.

"It feels better," she whispered, her throat closing at the pain in his voice. To love someone so much only for them to run into another person's arms. She didn't know the hurt herself but it was easy enough to imagine. But what she did know was that meeting that person that just made you forget your pain was life-changing. Wrapping her arms around his chest, she hugged him tightly, feeling his breath fan across her neck as they just stood there, swaying ever so slightly. "Mark,"

"Hmm?"

Pulling her head away, she blinked at him before placing her head back on his chest. "No matter what happens, I'm here."

He was quiet for a moment and then she felt his nose in her hair and a whisperered "Thank you."

.

"It's Izzie" Cristina tapped her on the shoulder, breaking Emily's conversation with Mark. The asian woman stared at the man for a split second before remembering the situation at hand. "Izzie, it's Izzie,"

"What happened?"

"It's about Denny." Cold water washed over her whole body and she looked for a place to set down her drink. Mark extended a hand and she smiled gratefully at him.

"Sloan, I'm sorry, but-" He nodded.

"Go, I'll see you later." The man squeezed her arm once before slipping into the crowd. Sending an apologetic, yet grateful smile his way, she let Cristina lead her through the crowd. The two ran as fast as they could, meeting with George at the room. Olivia was there, a somber expression across her face.

"I didn't know what to do, I didn't think you guys would want me to go to the Chief-" Olivia stuttered, fidgeting.

"Where is she?" Cristina asked quietly. The nurse murmured that she was in there with him and they pushed themselves in, gathering around the bed. The pure heartbreak in the Izzie's normally lively brown eyes sliced through Emily's resolve. The pale man was no longer the picture of happiness but of death, his muscles limp and relaxed and his chest still.

"Izzie,"

"I think it was a stroke," she began, her voice dull, flat, dead. "He was prone to blood clots. A clot could have formed on his sutures, travelled to his brain. It only takes a second." Her voice nearly faded out as she breathed calmly. Izzie's fingers curled around Denny's gown as she stared off into space.

"Iz…"

"Dr. Hahn did a beautiful job on the surgery, but I don't know why I didn't think of blood clots. He died all alone. He was alone," she continued as if she didn't hear Meredith, staring at the floor, at their feet.

"There was nothing you could've done," George murmured. Inwardly, Emily grimaced. It was something surgeons said in condolence but it sounded so different on the other end. _We never know what it really sounds like until we're on the other end,_ she thought grimly.

"I changed my dress three times. I wanted to look nice. I would have been here sooner but I couldn't figure out which dress to wear." Her eyes grew rimmed with red as George stepped closer.

"Izzie, we shouldn't be in here," Cristina said.

"You can't blame yourself," Emily said.

"Iz, there are things that they need - they need to move him." Meredith said as gently as she could.

"Take him to the morgue," Izzie said in full understanding as Cristina stepped forward.

"You can't stay here. I know you want to-"

"Can you please, _please_ just get out?" The heartbroken blonde asked, her eyelashes fluttering, "I want to be alone with Denny,"

"Iz." The syllable Emily said was full of anguish. She didn't know what to say. What do you say when one of your friends had lost the one who loved her most? Not one of them moved when Alex entered the room, his face contorted in sympathy. Walking to Denny's bedside, Alex ignored her watery voice but she protested.

"An hour ago, he was proposing. And now, now he's going to the morgue. Ridiculous, isn't it? Isn't that the most ridiculous piece of crap you've ever heard?" Her voice broke, sobs tearing out of her throat. Ribbons of tears traced down her cheeks, one after another until they raced down her nose and jaw. Whispering words into the blonde's ear, he picked her up and settled into a chair near the bed, letting the woman sob into his jacket.

Swallowing, Emily felt her throat close and bruise as she held in tears. Blinking hard, she felt her eyes sting. Feeling someone move beside her, she knew Cristina left.

After what felt like an eternity, Izzie's sobs faded, her irregular breathing slowed. Untangling herself from Alex, she stood, staring emptily in front of her. Walking out, they followed behind her steadily, ready to catch her if she were to fall. Beside her, Meredith had her eyes on the floor and Emily knew that there was something on her mind other than what had transpirede just now.

They walked in a dazed pack until they reached their resident and chief and continued, past them for a few more strides until Izzie stopped, turning around. Emily barely registered that Derek's eyes followed Meredith's form before looking away guiltily when Izzie turned around. She admitted it, the confession shaky and honest, staring directly into Dr. Webber's eyes.

"I thought I was a surgeon, but I can't. I thought I was a surgeon but I am not. So I quit," She walked away, ignoring Bailey's call. Keeping up with the taller woman, Emily, Alex and George filed behind her, down the staircase to the empty check-in area. Their footsteps were amplified by the silence of the hospital in their area, making to the parking lot.

"I'll drive," George murmured, taking out his keys. "You guys go home, I'll make sure she's okay," Swallowing, Emily nodded, opening the door for Izzie as Alex helped her settle in, patting her shoulder. As the engine roared to live, she slammed it shut and they stepped back, letting them drive off.

"Alex," she started quietly.

"Em, God," He looked heavenward, planting his hands on his hips. "I'll see you tomorrow?" He tried to say weakly.

"I'm off tomorrow,"

"Right." He seemed disarmed, walking to his own car.

"Alex." Her tone said what her words couldn't as he merely nodded numbly and ducked into his car. Turning around, she made her way slowly back to the hospital.

 **A/N: Edited - September 2, 2018**


	15. No One's Loved Me Like That

"Moore." The voice made her glance up, spotting Mark standing there. Groaning, she turned around. "Hey, wait!"

"Mark, I really don't want to see you right now," she mumbled blindly, shaking off the hand that tried to grab her shoulder.

"Moore, wait, hey, look at me." He stopped before her, hands out to the side. Still, her hazel gaze directed to the floor. "Did I do something wrong?"

"It wasn't you. It was Denny," she said as she finally looked up at him. Her eyes were red-rimmed and glazed with tears. He furrowed his brow at her expression but opened his arms.

"I'm not good with words so I'll just hold you," he said into her hairline when she wrapped her arms around his waist. Letting out a weak laugh, she nodded.

"I should go home," she said after a moment, pulling away. "It was nice, tonight." He drew back, surprised before starting to walk her to the car he had driven to the prom. "What happened? Did Derek see you?"

"No." He smiled. "You liked it tonight?"

"Yeah. It was… good."

"Are you sure you should be alone tonight?" The fresh air bit his face as he opened the door for her. Nodding her thanks, she buckled in her seat belt as he walked around the car and settled into the driver's seat. She was silent for a few moments, switching from glancing at him to her hands. "I could keep you company."

"Nothing funny," she said quietly. _I just don't want to be alone_ is what he heard.

"Nothing funny," he promised. He remembered those words he had said once, to Addison a year ago, and looked what happened. Emily's brown hair flashed red and her eyes shined blue for a split second as he recalled the memory. Shaking his head minutely, the surgeon promised to himself that he would uphold this one. It just felt right and she didn't deserve what destruction he would bring into her life.

.

"Do you, uh wanna sleep on the couch? Or…" She trailed off, clearly exhausted as she threw off his jacket that he had wrapped around her shoulders on the walk up. "I could call a cab, whatever. You don't have to stay," the brunette muttered, having second thoughts. His heart twinged at her expression but he was able to smile. Gathering his mistreated jacket in his arms, he hung it on a chair.

"No," he said firmly. Sitting on the couch, he turned to her. Resting his arm along the back of the frame, he gazed at her. "Go change, shower. I'm going to change, okay?" He gestured to the small bag that held a simple t-shirt and sleeping pants he had hastily packed when they had stopped at the Archfield.

"Okay." She nodded sullenly, disappearing into a room. As the sound of a shower started, he let his head fall back and his eyes close. _What the hell am I doing here?_ Normally he was the one bringing girls back to his place not the other way around. Looking around, he noted the small TV that was obviously unused and a few knick knacks she had lying on shelves. A picture of her and Noah, another one with her and Theresa and lastly a one with Noah's oldest son. A picture of her family was on the very end and he smiled at her bright grin.

The table in front of him was full of science magazines, some full of wrinkled pages. Her laptop was half-opened on top of the stacks, a forgotten cup of tea resting near the edge. Remembering his original purpose, he gathered his clean clothes in his arm but contemplated his next actions.

"Hey." He turned around to see Emily, her hair clumped and wet. She was dressed in loose pants, the tassels tied into a drooping bow. Her shirt was too big for her, he nearly smiled at how it set low on her, reaching her thighs and baring her shoulders.

"You can use the shower, if you want. There's nothing for guys but—" The brunette shrugged in an attempt at humor— "I can get you some towels."

"That'd be nice," he accepted quietly, not liking how solemn she was. The life seemed drained out of her as she led him to the small bathroom. She disappeared for a moment before returning with a towel folded in her arms.

"Here, and uh… " Piling the freshly dried fabric in his arms, she opened a few drawers before finding an unopened package. Ripping it, she placed the toothbrush on top of the towel. "Yeah, so, here. I'll just go…" Leaving, she just got out of sight when he called after her.

"Moore, wait." She appeared in the doorframe once more and he sighed at how small and wretched she looked. Setting down his towel and toothbrush, he walked over and hugged her tightly. "You talk to me as soon as you're ready, okay?" When she didn't answer, he pulled back his head. "Promise me."

Hazel met a cold blue and she nodded. "Promise."

.

When Mark exited the bathroom, he looked around. To his right was Moore's bedroom where she was most likely, to his left was the sitting room where he promised to stay. _Nothing funny,_ he chastised himself mentally. A quiet sigh to his left piqued his interest and he walked cautiously to the living area, seeing her hair spill over the side of the couch. "Moore." He let his presence be known before walking around the couch and sitting beside her. He was mindful to not let their skin brush as she acknowledged him with a glance.

"Hey." She sniffed, brushing stray tears away. Mark sorely did not want to see it. Unfortunately, he did and his heartstrings twinged.

"Denny's dead." Confused, he let her continue, resting his elbows on his knees. "He's dead and Izzie…" The tears did not give way to a cry as she straightened up, her face clear. "What if she just lost the love of her life?" she asked quietly. Putting one and one together, he tried to think of something _right_ to say.

"No one gets just one," he returned, voice just as hushed. His thoughts flickered back to Addison before he squashed them stubbornly. Addison had no room in his head when his singular goal right now was to make Emily feel better. "The best of us get so many more and experience so many different types of love."

"I think the worst of us find it so unexpectedly that they don't see it," Emily murmured, leaning back and pulling her knees to her chest. Glancing back, he rested his back against the cushions as well. "Sloan… Mark," she corrected, smiling a bit. "Do you think Addison is your one?" The pleasant warmth that spread down to his toes at her calling him by his name receded by the question that followed.

"I don't know," he admitted truthfully as they fell into another lapse of silence. The time slowly ticked by as they thought about today's events. _I danced with her and we joked and I held her in my arms. When was the last time Addison and I did something like this? Have we ever done this?_ he mused bitterly until wet hair started dampening his shirt. Tucking in his chin, he saw Emily resting her head on his chest. "I don't know if I've ever found the one." Raising an arm, he tucked her into his side easily, letting her hands play with the fraying edges of his pajamas. Her feet snuck under his lap in an attempt to warm them up as her breath ghosted against his collarbone.

"You must love her enough to sleep with her when she's married to Derek," she pointed out bluntly and he winced. "Sorry." Heaving a sigh, she snuggled closer. "Tell me about it. Why did you cheat?"

"It's not something you'd want to hear."

"But I want to know what it's like to love someone enough to destroy other people's lives." Her eyes met his and he frowned, eyebrows knitting together. "No one's loved me like that yet."

"Then everyone's blind," he whispered, using his other other hand not on her shoulder to gently guide her head back to his chest. He turned, pressing his nose into her hair. The smell of something floral filled his senses and he untangled the unruly mess slowly with his hand that had rested on her shoulder. "Whoever finds you and manages to snag your heart, I hope they're worthy because you're that kind of person. You need to find someone who's worthy of your love."

"What if I've missed them already?" she asked, fingers still.

"You're one of the good ones. You don't get just one," he reassured steadily, believing every single word. Her chest rose and fell for a few beats before she replied.

"You're one of the good ones too." Mark didn't believe her but chose to stay silent.

.

The following morning after, Emily woke with more energy than last night. She washed her face and brushed her teeth efficiently, changing into a pair of jeans and a cashmere sweater. Opening her door, she remembered the events of last night. _Denny's dead… and Izzie. How is she?_ She checked her phone for any texts or phone calls as she entered the living area that connected to the kitchen.

"Hey." Startled, she nearly dropped her phone as she raised her head to see Mark. "Hope you slept well," he added awkwardly.

"Yeah, I slept alright. And you?" He pressed the button of the coffee machine before smirking.

"Slept pretty good once a maiden brought me pillows in my dreams." Flushing slightly, she huffed.

"I didn't want your poor neck to get sore."

"And I thank you, jailbait." He gave a small, comical bow causing her to smile. _Last night was good,_ she thought dazedly as he poured a cup of coffee for himself. A small ball of warmth grew in her chest. He looked so _domestic_ drinking from a reindeer cup. It was adorable. "You still there?"

Snapping out of her daze, she looked at him distractedly. "What?"

"I said, before all the dying, how was yesterday?" He asked the question softly as if scared it would send her scurrying back to the safety of her bed. When she didn't answer, he settled the cup on the counter and walked around to her. "Hey, you okay?" She bit her lip when she recalled the heartbroken expression that glowed in Izzie's eyes and how her sobs had wracked the very core of her being.

"Oh." She swallowed, wringing her hands. "Yeah. It was fun," she said sincerely, "and Sloan? What are you going to do today?"

"I don't know. Maybe book a flight back to NY to just tie up some loose ends."

"Alright. Yeah, that sounds good." Wringing out her hands, she glanced at the door. "Well, I've got to go." She grabbed her jacket off the hanger as he furrowed his brow.

"You gotta boyfriend to run to?" he asked jokingly as she grabbed her coat off the hanger. Shaking her head, she chuckled.

"Yeah. I mean-" She facepalmed, "No. I don't have a boyfriend. I'm just going to go check on Izzie." _Can my face get any redder?_ She thought crossly as he grabbed her arms and turned her around. "Not everything's about romance,"

"Says you," He retorted, returning back to his cup of coffee. Laughing, she nodded. "You'll find Prince Charming eventually," The surgeon added, raising the cup to his lips.

"And you might've found your princess, already," She teased back, stepping out of her apartment to leave the man to his thoughts.

.

"Hey, Izzie." The blonde was silent, staring distantly at the tiles behind her. Emily situated herself on her back, staring up at the ceiling. "So, I don't really know what to say. I don't think comfort is going to help. So, I'll just talk to you about whatever you want. What do you wanna know?"

"Tell me-" Her voice was cracking from lack of water- "about Noah, leaving."

"That won't help, Iz," Emily protested gently but the look in her friend's eyes persuaded her. "Okay." Sighing, she looked at the ceiling again. "The first one was the hardest. He was gone for a year and I swear… it was the hardest year of my life. I had no one to talk to and when something happened, the only person I did want to tell was my brother. But there he was, halfway across the world and when he returned, God, I felt like I hated him so much. Because he was gone and there was no one left for me. My mom was gone and so was my dad. It was like limbo; sleep, eat, study, repeat. And then he went again, and again, and over time, I just stopped feeling it because I couldn't go through that pain every time and I felt so tired, trying to keep in touch with him."

"I feel so tired. Like I'm not Izzie and I just slipped into another person's skin. Denny is dead and Burke got shot. How did we end up here?" The blonde asked quietly. Grasping the woman's hand, she held on with all her might.

"We never know where we might end up, Iz."

.

As they filed into the patient's room, Emily felt a hand squeeze her arm. Looking up briefly, she sent a smile at Derek before standing next to Cristina and Meredith, the head of neuro whispering something to the blonde. "Well good morning. Benjamin, Ruth."

"Good morning, Dr. Shepherd," The woman, Ruth responded as the man on the bed rose a cynical eyebrow.

"Good morning. It doesn't feel like a very good morning to me. I have to have brain surgery today. Pretty scary. Plus, my sister's nervous. When she gets nervous, she sweats, and the windows in here don't open so it's pretty rank." The woman glanced down at her hands letting out a warning. "Was I rude, Ruthie?"

"Let's let the doctors talk." She switched the subject with a glance at them as George passed the chart to Derek. Cristina presented, easily getting on the case as she explained the tumor pressing on his frontal temporal lobe.

"It makes me say everything I think, which apparently is annoying. This doctor looks annoyed, anyway," he said with a nod to Cristina. Emily's phone buzzed against her thigh and she sneaked a small glance, only glimpsing the name. _Mark, again,_ she groused to herself. _Probably sent me a pic of some breakfast because rich-surgeon him._ "Although it's hard to tell 'cause she always has kind of a pinched, uptight look on her face." George snickered quietly. "Am I annoying you?"

"It's fine," Cristina assured.

"You can't say it's fine. He doesn't perceive sarcasm or irony." The man turned to watch Meredith and Derek interact as Ruth continued, "If he's annoying you, you have to tell him."

"Maybe I'm not annoying her, Ruthie." Cristina quickly assured him that he was before Bailey gave a low warning.

"He asked," she talked back as Derek assigned Cristina the case and instructed her to prep him for surgery, finishing with a standard question:

"Do you have any questions for me?"

"Is that blonde your girlfriend?" Benjamin asked, looking at Meredith. Glancing at each other, they let him continue, "'Cause the way you keep looking at her, you might as well just mount her right here and now," Coughing loudly, Emily ducked her head, hand curled into a fist in front of her mouth to hide the beginnings of a smile. "I'm sorry, was that rude?"

"Benjamin," Ruth repeated again. He scanned their faces as she glanced down at her phone again. Taking it out quickly, she read the whole message.

 _:is addison at work today? I want to talk:_ Frowning, she was about to respond when the man piped up.

"You look annoyed. But you're pretty too so it makes you look kinda hot. Did your boyfriend have to put your date back again? Like a rain check or something?" Slowly looking up, she saw their eyes on her. Derek and Meredith both tilted their heads and Cristina had a knowing look in her eyes.

"No. It's nothing." Ignoring Bailey's death glare they began saying their farewells to the patient and his sister. Derek excused himself to go see to another patient. The interns and their residents piled out after him, turning around to Bailey as soon as they exited. She had her eyebrows raised in a unbelievable manner.

"I'm proud of you all," she began sardonically, "you make me proud. You _reflect_ on me well. Grey, if you think you can keep your clothes on long enough to follow up the labs, I'd appreciate it. Karev, cover the pit." The black woman informed them all that Addison was 'out sick' as she restated her instructions. Trailing off, she cocked her head and stared hard at something behind them. "You can tell me whose damn panties are on the bulletin board." Her volume rose as they whipped around.

"Are those yours?" Cristina whispered and Emily's eyebrows felt like they reached her hairline.

"You slept with Derek?" She asked quietly as whistles rose. The men erupted into laughter as Bailey stalked up to the black garment.

"This is a hospital, people. Serious work happens here. We save lives here. Something funny?" she questioned, displeased. "Whose are these?" Other staff started laughing as they tried to continue with their work. Spotting Callie, the ortho resident she frequently worked with when on ortho, she shared a glance. Alex nudged George in an almost friendly gesture as he tried to stifle his laughs. "Yeah, I know it's one of mine. It's always one of mine. _Always,_ "

At that moment, Emily had never felt so small as she just backed away with a placating gesture. "Not me."

"Says the person who took McSteamy to the prom," Cristina hissed quietly. Meredith glanced at her, shocked as George and Alex looked just as surprised.

"So tell me, which one of you left your damn drawers on my surgical floor?" As the lie was about to leave Emily's mouth, Callie stepped up.

"Oh, no. Did I leave my underwear lying around again?" She asked with a small chuckle, "I am so sorry, Bailey, it's, uh, it's my bad." Bailey turned around to them with a disbelieving expression before storming away. Walking after her, Meredith poked her on the arm.

"You took McSteamy to the prom?" she asked as George tapped her on the shoulder.

"You and McSteamy? Since when?"

"I didn't 'take' him anywhere. It's _nothing,_ I swear," the brunette insisted with an embarrassed smile. "We're just friends."

"You're so blushing. Did you do the nasty-nasty?" Cristina goaded with a smirk.

"No, I swear. Cross my heart or whatever,"

"Probably didn't. She's so uptight for someone who got laid," Alex said with a cocky glint in his eyes. "Unless he didn't do a good job," With her notepad in hand, she whacked him hard on the arm.

"Alex!"

.

"Ugly," someone commented over her shoulder, making Emily start. Whipping around, she was faced with blue eyes and a cocky smile. "Large second-degree burns on the chest and right arm."

"You haven't seen worse?" she quipped, a smile already beginning to make its way onto her face. She clicked her pen, closing the binder and setting it aside. "What are you doing here?"

"Seeing you, seeing how you work," he said, leaning against the counter. "Is it dangerous to be here? Since both of them are here today," the man added in a low whisper.

"Probably. But Addison's out sick today," she replied, poking his chest with the pen. He chuckled before dropping the smile. "Everyone hates being a second choice and no likes being left behind," she finally said, noting his expression.

"Especially when it comes to love," he added wryly. Taking his hand in hers, she began doodling absently with the blue ink. Drawing a swirl, she listened to him. "I don't know what to do, but my shrink said I have to fight, so here I am." Pausing for a split second, she continued, dotting its curve before adding another curly line. "I'm staying in Seattle."

"To fight," the brunette mumbled distractedly as he moved his hand. An uncomfortable feeling curled up in her gut but chose to ignore it. "Hey!"

"Oh, sorry," he apologized, surrendering his hand to her. As she connected lines, it was silent.  
"I don't know why I'm here. You should be working."

"That's okay." She offered a smile. "I don't mind that you're here." Despite his doubts, her dimpled smile made the hope in his chest swell.

 **A/N: Edited - September 2, 2018**


	16. Do Better

"Oh, for fuck's sake." Meredith puked again as Emily rubbed her back soothingly, keeping her shoes a respectable distance away from the vomit. "You pregnant or something, Mer?" she joked as Derek strolled up to them, asking for the blonde on an aneurysm clipping. "Doctor." The brunette nodded to Addison who strided past them before speaking to Bailey.

"Oh, my god." Addison exclaimed softly, disbelief clear in her voice. Derek looked up as well, through the same window.

"Oh… my… god…" The other interns squinted at the man who shook hands with the board member as Cristina smirked, sidling up to Emily and pulling her arm. Meredith groaned as she rubbed a hand against her head, face scrunched up in pain.

"Oh, my god."

"Is that-"

"McSteamy," Cristina affirmed for George, pushing the brunette in the direction of the door. "Go Emily, make your move."

"What?" she squawked just as Meredith vomited again and Mr. Sullivan reached for his lighter.

"No, Mr. Sullivan! Don't light that!"

Everything was chaos. There was screaming, general mayhem, George running for the phone and Emily staring at the blaze of fire that was once Mr. Sullivan's face.

"Somebody get the fire extinguisher."

"Call a code red!"

They rushed into the room as the interns worked together to pat out the fire and drag a new gurney towards the room. Derek found the fire extinguisher, spraying it onto the sheets and clothes generously. When the fire was out, Emily grabbed gauze, laying it atop the black skin.

The other interns transferred him onto a gurney and they wheeled him out as Mark appeared in the doorway, looking pristine and not at all like he should. He looked stiff and clandestine and Emily only spared him a glance as she unhooked the I.V bag from the stand and attached it to the gurney. Ordering for gauze, Sloan passed Bailey an ambu bag. A fireman rushed past them with an extinguisher, putting out the last remnants of the flames. Snapping on a pair of gloves, he inspected the skin.

"Make sure he has an airway. Sir, can you hear me? Sir?" Mark asked, applying the gauze to the burnt face.

"No, he's out. Hit his head. Small hematoma in the occipital region," Bailey reported, adjusting her grip on the bag.

"Get him to the burn unit 'til he's stabilized, then get a C.T." Mark ordered, "Go,"

"Right away, doctor. Come on," The team wheeled the gurney away as Emily began walking to the closest nurses station. Cristina, Meredith and Derek walked down the hall where they could get a glass of water, returning soon after with George in tow. Sloan and Dr. Webber walked past them, a tension crackling in the air. She knew his eyes scanned her body, trying to catch her attention but she turned away and into George to avoid it.

"What kind of idiot lights a cigarette in a hospital?" Webber asked as Derek walked up to them.

"Apparently, people do idiotic things all the time." They all shared glances, the ones Derek sent poisonous while Sloan simply stared. The Chief climbed the stairs, his head of Neuro in tow as Addison approached Mark. Two separate conversations going on at the same time, the interns tried to follow both as Cristina pointed at Mark.

"Go, Em. Break it up. She's stealing your man."

"What? No!" the brunette exclaimed, sitting down in the office chair. Spinning around to face the two pairs of doctors, she switched between the men on top of the balcony and Addison interrogating Mark. Hearing a scuffling of feet, she turned just to see Meredith puke. Again.

"Holy crap! Are you pregnant?" Cristina exclaimed, catching the doctors' attention. Grabbing a tissue, she passed it into Meredith's hands. Helping her stabilize, they pulled her along slowly. "I'll examine her, you guys do your jobs. We'll be fine," Reluctantly, she squeezed Meredith's hand one last time before helping the woman lie down on the exam table. George cradled the glass of water in his hands, tipping the last of it down the woman's throat before wiping her lip and retreating.

"You better not be pregnant," Emily teased before adding more seriously, "Get well soon."

"Thanks," Meredith groaned, throwing an arm over her eyes. George smiled at her antics before they both left the room. Glancing around, she saw neither Derek or Addison in sight and approached Sloan who was staring at her. When they met eyes, he smiled and she rolled her eyes.

"What's wrong with the dirty mistress?"

"Don't know yet," she answered with a shrug. Frowning at his dark russet shirt and belt and pants, she quirked an eyebrow. Smiling slightly, she raised her brow. "What are you doing here, Sloan?"

"Got a job."

"Uh-huh." Undeniably, he looked fantastic, but Emily quickly decided that red on Mark Sloan was not a sight she liked as much as him in the black sweater. Leaning against the nurse's station, she wrinkled her nose when he mimicked her pose.

"What are you doing?"

"Deciding I don't like that shirt on you," she said and he smiled, glancing down. "I think I like dark blue more. Brings out your eyes."

"I'll get some attendings scrubs right away then." He winked and she chuckled to herself. "You like the lab coat, right? Mark Sloan, M.D."

"The lab coat is very pretty on you, Dr. Sloan," teased the brunette and he smiled tenderly. Again, with _that_ smile. What is that? "If I'm lucky, I'm going to get assigned your intern. Welcome you properly to Seattle Grace and probably prove that I'm not an idiot."

"Oh, I know you're not an idiot. It's the other interns I'm worried about." He paused a moment before smirking, all fondness gone in exchange for a roguish glint in his eyes. "Welcoming me properly, hm? Does that include-" Holding up a hand, she stopped him mid sentence.

"No!" she exclaimed, pretending to be absolutely insulted. "Goodbye, Dr. Sloan."

.

"Moore, you're on Sloan's service. Show him around the hospital, make sure he doesn't get lost."

"Yes, Dr. Bailey."

.

"Moore," Mark greeted warmly as she finished tying her hair into a bun. "You really my intern?"

"Oh, possibly." Reading the chart quickly, she placed it back down and put on a pair of latex gloves. "What do you need?" she asked as the plastics surgeon touched the white material tenderly.

Mimicking his movements, she made sure all the material was secure and not loose around his head and neck. Flapping one piece over, she checked the burns around that area. It was marred slightly of red but otherwise seemed unharmed compared to the rest of his face. As she did so, another voice nearly startled her but she reigned in her surprise.

"Dr. Sloan," Alex greeted, looking eagerly at the patient. "Hey, Em."

"Alex," she replied back, stepping back to observe. He seemed disgruntled to see another intern but stifled his true feelings in favour of reading over the chart. As the man came to, the wife translated every word said as they worked. Mark explained their treatment plan, to remove the damaged tissue and apply bandages dressed with live cells onto his face.

"I'm gonna do absolutely everything I can, Mrs. Sullivan," Mark assured sincerely, taking off his gloves and side-stepping away from the bed. "We'll need a neuro consult before we operate," he addressed this to Alex, the two men stepping away from the bed as Emily checked his stats and jotted them into his chart.

"Anything else? I mean, uh, I could do debridement or, uh-"

"Actually there is one more thing," he said, holding up a finger. Knowing what was coming next, she coughed softly. Mark glanced at her and she widened her eyes as if to say, _Interns! Not errand runners!_ Still, since when has Mark Sloan ever listened to anyone but himself?

"Bone dry cappuccino. Make it a double." And with that, the man walked away. Walking after him after grabbing the clipboard, she sighed with exaggeration. "Something you need, Dr. Moore?" he asked when Alex was out of earshot. It was a teasing tone, one she did not take a liking too.

"We're medical interns," she scolded half-heartedly, clicking her pen and sliding it into her pocket. Smiling slightly at the faded pen doodles on his right hand, she unclipped the papers from the clipboard and held them in one hand while she searched for Mr. Sullivan's new burn unit binder. Fingering through the binders, she found the one that said _S. Sullivan_ and opened it up, unclipping the paper and filing it into the binder. "We don't run errands."

" _You_ won't run errands. Until these other fetuses deserve the right to be teached, I'm not going to." Walking after him, she punched his arm lightly.

"This is a teaching hospital!"

"So?" Frustrated, she bit her lip and when he saw her face, he relented in his cocky attitude. "Fine. Sorry. I'll teach, whatever." Pleased that she got something out of him, Emily sighed as they continued on their way through the hospital.

.

"George!" Emily called as the brunet wheeled Meredith down the O.R. hallway. "Taking her to surgery?" She gripped the rails as they turned the corner.

"Yep. Still high as a kite." Meredith laughed, telling them to keep her draped on the table.

"Too many people have seen me naked already. I'd like to keep whatever dignity I have left," she instructed before spotting Mark. "McSteamy. Whoo-hoo! McSteamy!" The surgeon turned to them, a confused ' _are you talking to me?'_ look on his face. He wore his surgical gown and a scrub cab as he approached them. Emily flushed, hiding her laugh as he came over.

"Is that what you're calling me now? McSteamy?" He asked, stopping at the blonde's bedside. His hand rested on the rails and Emily glanced up at him, eyes crinkled in mirth.

"Yeah, but I don't think you're supposed to know that."

"How's my favorite dirty mistress?"

"Haven't you heard?" she asked, slightly proud, "Now I'm an adulterous whore." Mark let out a laugh. George looked at his feet as Emily grinned so wide her cheeks hurt. This was just too great.

"We really need to get you to surgery, Mer. I also need to save her dignity. Can't have her calling out more McGuys in the hallways," George said, looking up. "See you, Em. Dr. Sloan." Nodding, he wheeled the high blonde away from them as Mark started chuckling. Emily started laughing as well as they walked to the nurses station.

"So, if you didn't know, that's a high Meredith," the brunette sighed, leaning against the countertops. Her lower arms pressed against the counter as she glanced at him. He did his paperwork intently, glancing up at her in the corner of his eyes occasionally.

"McSteamy, huh?"

"I had no part in that," she claimed with a smile. "I do not have any interest in you that way."

"Oh, you will," he teased and she rolled her eyes overdramatically. They walked past the O.R. board. "Come on, Mr. Sullivan should be in the O.R. We should scrub in."

"Wait, for real?" she asked, immediately excited. Her heart beat hard against her ribs and he shrugged.

"Oh, scrub in before I regret it," said the older man, letting her go into the scrub room first.

.

"Hey," she muttered, rubbing at her eyes as Mark closed the chart and handed it over to the nurse. "You break the news to the Sullivans?"

"Yeah, and that Dr. Bailey made him feel better, so he understands his face won't be what it was." Smiling, she stood up straight, hand pushing her off the counter.

"Thanks for letting me scrub in." Mark hummed and was quiet for a moment before straightening his light blue gown. Cocking her head, she frowned slightly when it didn't straighten completely. Taking the strings that would tie around his middle, she bit her lip and tied it around his waist extremely tight. He inhaled sharply and she laughed.

"Ow." She tugged again, harder, finding it childishly delightful but the smile dropped from her face when he stumbled forward after a hard pull and caught himself by _coincidentally_ placing his hands on her hips. The laughter died in her throat as he stared down at her. His scent was pulling her in and she wished she was noseblind because his cologne was worming its way into her good graces. "Careful, jailbait," he mumbled. Thinking it was a joke, she smirked triumphantly.

"A surgeon should be sure on her feet," she teased. He stared at her for a moment, and then his eyes flickered away. "Are you okay?" she asked when he didn't step back. Catching sight of his face, she felt her heart jump up into her head and roar in her ears. The tender smile, the soft eyes, always drawing her in when she didn't want to. "Sloan."

"Just friends. Right." He stepped back and her face, warm, looked anywhere but at him. "Sorry."

"You just tripped, right?"

"Right. Just tripped." With a wink, the plastics surgeon spun to leave and Emily turned the opposite way, knowing she'd have to get used to this feeling if their friendship was to last. She'd just have to adapt, evolve, learn how to live with it until it went away. That's fine.

This was fine.

.

"Seems like the M&M wasn't that favorable for you," Mark said and she glanced up from where she was reading labs. Glancing up occasionally to make sure she didn't bump into anyone, she saw a nurse point at them and whisper to her friend. She was too tired to deal with this.

"You were there?"

"Caught a bit," he admitted and she sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose as she read the numbers. "I'm sorry."

"Yeah, that means a lot," she muttered sarcastically. There was the sound of a pager and she checked her belt. When it wasn't hers, she glanced at Mark who was looking at his own pager.

"Mastectomy patient. Huh. Well, I gotta go." Mark's face was morphed in apology and she shrugged with a smile.

"Bye."

"You alright?" Mark asked before he left and she finally looked up at him. Her shift had just started and she already felt so tired. Shrugging lifelessly, she reached a nurse station and grabbed the binder the labs belonged to.

"Just fantastic. Look, you don't have to worry about me," she said and he clicked his pen repeatedly as she filed in the labs and closed it before giving it to the nurse. Turning to him with one hand still on the counter, she added, "I'm just tired. I'm an intern."

With one last click, Mark frowned slightly and grabbed her hand.

"What are you doing?" asked the younger surgeon when a cold pen tip began to glide over fleshy joint of her thumb and index finger. She could try to guess all she wanted what he was drawing but she'd never get it right until he moved his hand away.

It took her minutes to realize he was carefully crafting letters onto her skin and she waited patiently as he dotted his i's, swirled his e's, and made sure it was legible.

"Cheer up, jailbait," he whispered, squeezing her arm before leaving. Reeling, she stood stock still as he walked away, not knowing that Mark Sloan had his heart beating in his throat so hard he thought it might burst.

.

 _i'm all ears,_ it read.

 _._

"You haven't told Derek that you broke up with Finn?" Emily crunched on a carrot as she said this. "Really?"

"I will," Meredith insisted, taking her pop into her hand. "I'm giving him time. He just got divorced,"

"That's stupid," Izzie retorted quickly, furrowing her brow.

"You know what's stupid? Carrying around an eight million dollar check." All turning to look at Izzie, she sighed, insisting that she was fine.

"I'm fine. The check is fine. We're all fine. Okay?" They looked at each other unbelievingly. "So… about McSteamy…" This time, the blonde looked at Emily who ducked her head.

"It's nothing. He and Addison, and whatever." Throwing the container of vegetables onto her tray, she frowned. She didn't like how she felt whenever the thought of the two surgeons together crossed her thought twisted and coiled in her stomach like a rotting gas, making her insides curdle like spoilt milk. The other five shared looks, confusing the brunette. "What?"

"Did he write that on your hand?" George smiled, scooping some yogurt into his mouth.

The others all stared at her hand where his writing was still there. Hiding it under the table, she stared at him, hard.

"No."

"Liar!" Izzie crowed and Emily shot her a look as well.

"No!" When she saw no way out of the conversation, she immediately said, "I'm not the one with the 8.7 million dollar cheque, okay?"

"I will cash it in." Izzie rolled her eyes, off her scent. Thankful, if not a bit guilty, Emily held her penned hand and stared into her salad, a certain blue-eyed dirty surgeon invading her mind.

.

"You wanna go get drinks after?" Mark asked as they walked through the halls. Shrugging, she sent him a smile.

"If you're free. I don't wanna take up your free time with Addison," she said with a wink. Mark's smile fluttered and she noted it with darting glances. "Or not?"

"Addison told Derek."

"About?"

"She - I… we lived together for a few months after. We tried to make it work and then I slept with another woman."

"Oh," was all she said as he rubbed his face. "Well, how do you feel?"

"I thought I owed him the truth."

"That's good." Taking his hand briefly, she smiled and squeezed it for a moment before letting go. "That's good that you're trying."

"It is." They stopped at the attendings lounged and she shoved her hands in her pockets, glancing inside. Derek was working on his laptop and she glanced at the neurosurgeon.

"Hey," she said, dragging her gaze away from him to stare at the surgeon before her. "You know he's in there, right?"

"Drinks at Joe's. If I'm not there in ten minutes, call me." Frowning, she swayed side to side and casted dubious glances inside. "I'll be fine, jailbait."

"Double scotch single malt?" she asked and he smiled down at her.

"You already know me so well," he murmured and she glanced down at her shoes before tucking a strand of hair behind her ears.

"I'm going to go. I'll wait for you in the lobby and we can walk over together," she whispered and turned around. Mark watched her go for a moment and then took a breath, placing his hand on the knob. When he looked down the hall again, he waited until she was completely gone before entering the room.

.

"Hey." She stood when she saw Mark come in. He wore his leather jacket that he wore the first time they met and he glanced up at his phone. "How'd it go?"

"Well as can be," he said with a slight smile. "I'm thinking of changing the burn dressings to biosynthetic. No skin grafts, faster recovery time - I have no idea why the last head of plastics didn't do it." Shrugging, she unfolded her jacket. He took it from her, holding out the sleeves and she smiled, slipping her arms into the sleeves. Once it was on her shoulders, she turned around and pulled her hair out from under as he made sure none of it was wrinkled.

"How was your day?" she asked as they made their way out of the hospital. Together, the two surgeons crossed the street.

"Fine, and yours?"

And on they talked into the night.

.

"Hey, Em, can you take this?" Alex came up to her and she started, her gaze jerking away from the O.R. board. Two uteruses and a humpty dumpty surgery all in one day. Pulling off her scrub cap - she herself had just scrubbed in on a rotator cuff surgery with Dr. Torres - she glanced at the phone warily.

"What is it?"

"DMV. Sloan needs to sort out his registration and license, but I wanna get in on this surgery." Alex jabbed a thumb over his shoulder and his eyes pleaded for her. "Look, you're Sloan's favourite and I just-"

"Calm down. I've got this. If Sloan asks, I'll say it's handled," she replied and he grinned. "Get in on that surgery, Alex."

"Thank you!" Flipping on the phone, she tugged the hair tie out of her hair, running a hand through her hair and shaking out her curls. Leaving it on speaker, she walked through the halls and spotted Derek talking to a woman in dark blue scrubs.

"Nance, you've got a surgery to get to."

"Oh, come on, Derek." Derek pinched his nose, groaning and Emily smiled, leaning over the counter.

"Can I have the chart for Malak Yousif?" she asked and when it was placed in her hand, she smiled and thanked the nurse. Glancing over at Derek, she smirked when she saw Derek making a face at her.

"Nancy, this is Dr. Moore."

"Noah's sister."

"Oh, I've heard about you." Smiling, she shook Nancy's hand. "How's my brother? Has he been causing trouble?"

"Uhm, I don't think I'm in position to say," Emily said with a wide smile. "He's my boss." Derek smiled slightly, humming.

"Mmm, smart." The phone began to vibrate as someone's voice came over the speaker. "You've got to take it?"

"Yeah. See ya, Dr. Shepherd."

.

As Mark snatched the phone back with her after she straightened things out with the DMV, she raised an eyebrow at Mark's weird stare at Dr. Torres. She switched her gaze between the two and read between the lines. Gawking, she felt the smile tugging in her cheeks and turned back to Mark, raising her eyebrows.

"You slept with her?" The way she posed the question sounded more like she stated fact. A part of her squirmed uncomfortably while the other part of her kept up the smile.

"No?" Snorting, she wrinkled her nose and turned away.

As she walked away, she called over her shoulder, "No lying in this friendship!"

.

 _:you snake:_

 _:what did I do:_

 _:you let meredith in on the sexual reassignment surgery AND NOT ME:_

 _:sorry cant show favouritism:_

 _:you suck and you gave a valid reason sloan so you know what im mad at you from this day forward until you give me a worthy gift:_

There was a moment when Mark didn't respond and then she got a _ding._

: _anything for you:_

 _._

She was drinking by herself which was sad in itself. Since Alex was on that stupid camping trip, she was waiting for him at the bar after sending him a text. She knew Mark and Meredith were in here somewhere and she knew the feeling that squeezed her heart was just out of worry when she saw Joe walk in. Where was Alex?

"Is Alex back yet?" she asked Joe.

"No idea. Sorry, Emily." Shrugging, she drained her brandy and set a twenty on the counter to cover her tab. The bartender took it from her and she waved a hand to say 'keep the change' before getting up. She was done waiting, truth be told. Getting up, she sighed and tried to lessen the ache in her heart as she got up and went for the door.

She didn't know if the feeling was because Alex and George were both off at the camping trip, Mark was with Meredith, Cristina was still at the hospital, and Izzie… she didn't know. She didn't know why she was feeling lonely but she knew it was because there were always people before her. Always someone who had her as a second choice. The hospital was all her relationships. She had no room for anything else and when Meredith had Cristina, George had Izzie, and Mark wasn't even… they're just friends. Fine. Alex was all she had when it came to drinking and he couldn't even show up.

Still, this loneliness was too fucking familiar, so she just wanted to get home and sleep the feeling away.

"Goodnight, Joe," she murmured to the bar owner who was just pouring himself a drink. He smiled after her and she bundled her coat around her tightly as if that'd help her from feeling like she was going to fall apart. She hated days like these when she was the one with no friends.

Walking out of the bar, she stood outside for a moment to just inhale the stinging air. She needed it to clear her head and get rid of the stuffy feeling in her chest. When she had a few minutes to herself, she turned away and began to walk to her car, trying to focus on the clicking of her heeled boots and the feel of the wind in her hair.

Alex Karev found her later when she was just about to get into her car and she had yelled at him profusely before inviting him over for his six-pack of beer.

.

As Mark left the bar, he swept his gaze. Even with Grey making out with what was supposed to be his best friend - not that he cared - he was sure Moore was in here somewhere. The bell rang overhead as the door swung open and he looked up and down the street.

"You _were late!_ You know how much of a fool I looked like, waiting for a guy who couldn't even show up?" Karev and Emily were... a thing?

"Come on, Em! You're overreacting here. I just got back from a camping trip. I'm exhausted. I want to drink."

"But how did Joe get back before you?" Emily yelled, shoving Karev hard against the shoulder. He was about to take a step forward when he heard a waver in her voice. "I was alone! You don't get to do that to me!"

"Why are you so pissy?"

"Because I have no one!" Running a hand through her hair, Emily turned to get back into her car when Karev stopped her.

"Look, I got a six-pack of beer, I'm sure you got alcohol at your place, can we just go?" Emily, half in her car and half out, stared at Karev for a long moment and an ugly lump rose in Mark's throat. She was sleeping with _him_? Their tones lowered and Mark's feet wanted to move closer but he stayed planted as Karev gestured with an open palm and Emily's smile split across her face.

In Mark's opinion, it was more luminous than the damn moon as he turned away. He knew exactly what kind of feeling she was talking about and he didn't understand why, _why_ didn't she talk to him?

Karev got into the car and Emily shook her head as if he had said something funny before ducking into the vehicle.

That ugly lump grew and he swallowed. His lungs could barely function as he turned away. His legs were lead and his heart was in his throat as he tried to tell himself that it didn't matter. It didn't matter who Moore slept with. It was none of his business especially when she never judged who he slept with. She, who expressed kindness when she hated what he did, who stood against everything he ever believed in, all the sleeping and one-night stands. She, who had waited for him time and time again to go out, to talk, to operate.

She who was never his first choice because she would always be there. God, it fucking hurt and he knew exactly why. He treated her exactly as Addison did to him. Their friendship was a balance but right now, she was giving more than he was. What happened to him that he was no longer the guy who flew over to Seattle and got the damned corsage? Not much except he slept with Addison multiple times, slept with Torres, and was slowly falling out of love with the woman he thought he loved more than anything.

He made a promise to do better.

.

"Bright and shiny? You aren't a bright and shiny kind of person, Derek." She mused aloud as the neurosurgeon grinned. "Normally when you get divorced, people are bitter."

"Not me. I'm bright and shiny." He said, walking with a spring in his step and humming a soft tune. Laughing heartily at a joke a nurse told him as he filled in a chart, he continued on his way. Smiling, Emily rolled her eyes. _Lovesick,_ she thought as Mark approached her, a cup in his hand.

.

"Izzie and Alex have a patient who speaks about himself in the third person."

"They thought it was annoying at first, but now they kinda like it."

.

"How's your dad, George?" Emily asked, offering him a part of her granola bar. He smiled nostalgically. Taking a bit of the chocolate chunky snack, he took out a black device. Ruffling her friend's hair, she ate the rest of the granola bar and stuffed the wrapper in her pocket.

"He's fine." The brunet replied, checking his pager as a call from behind them made them turn around.

"O'Malley. Moore." They paused, turning around to see the Chief, Cristina following after.

"Yeah?"

"I have your father's test results." The sentence seemed weighted as he said this, passing the results to George. Taking them quickly, he read them thoroughly before spinning around and marching down the hall. Cristina brushed past Webber, following after him along with Emily as they reached the elevator.

"George?" His name cracked in her voice, reaching for his arm. He didn't flinch but his muscles tightened under her touch. His face seemed heavy as he covered his mouth with a hand and ran it back and forth.

"He has esophageal cancer," he choked out, swallowing. Turning to him, she wrapped him in a hug that lasted for a few moments. Cristina was silent, somberly watching them as Emily held onto his arm in a way to say that _I am here._ The elevator doors opened as they made their way to Mr. O'Malley's room. They looked up at their arrival, the two brothers holding playing cards. Emily released her grip, letting it fall limply to her side.

"We've been waiting here forever. Where's the doctor?" one of them asked with annoyance.

"Uh, Dr. Webber will be here in a couple of minutes," George replied easily, his voice clear. His brother scoffed before smirking.

"Won't tell you anything, huh, not till you're a real doctor?" he joked, causing the other to laugh. George's irritation built as he forgot about the situation.

"I am a real doctor," George said, glancing down at his feet. "Ronny! I just - I'm not Dad's doctor." He swallowed thickly, causing his dad to look at him.

"What is it, Georgie?"

"Let's just wait for Dr. Webber." He stalled, not looking at his father in the eye. Turning to him, Cristina lowered her voice.

"No, I think he's expecting you to tell him." George sniffed loudly, causing the brothers to look at him.

"George." Her hazel eyes were soft as she rubbed his arm. "He's coming in later. You should tell him. It'd be better. It'll be better."

"What's with the whispering?" Harold asked as they waited for an explanation.

"The biopsy results were abnormal," he said quickly. Releasing a gust of air, Mr. O'Malley's gaze flickered from his son to the other doctors.

"Is abnormal bad or just different? Georgie?" Unable to answer, he looked to them for answers on how to explain that his father, the one who raised him, had cancer. They shared looks. George looked overwhelmed while Cristina just looked sympathetic.

"Sir…" Cristina started, stepping up. Emily ducked her head and clasped her hands behind her back. "You have cancer in your esophagus, which has spread to your stomach."

"We need to operate, to remove it. And you'll need to undergo chemotherapy and radiation," the brunette added, standing beside the asian woman. "I'm sorry." Turning back to George, he seemed frozen. "I'm going to take George somewhere, away from here. Can you do the labs?"

"Yeah, go."

"Come on, George." Guiding him out of the room, she led him to the stairwell where they waited in silence.

 **A/N: Edited - September 7, 2018**


	17. Blueberry Scones

"How's plastics with Sloan?" Emily jested as Alex came by with his dry cleaning. The man glared as he went into the attendings lounge to drop it off and popped right back out moments later. The two walked through the halls as she penned in notes on the book she was reading about orthopedics.

"Whatever. Soon, he'll let me in on a surgery." The two went down the stairs and Emily went behind the desk to log into the computer. Alex grabbed his patient's chart, beginning to write something in as her fingers tapped the keys. Logging in with her ID and password, she began to log in her hours with ortho.

"Right, whatever you say, Dr. Karev." Sighing, she saw the loading circle and leaned back in the office chair. As she waited, she watched Alex write whatever he was writing subconsciously. Her feet spun the chair a quarter to face him when suddenly there was a _plup_ and a bag was set next to the computer. Mark was there, leaning beside her mousepad and she frowned at the tissue paper that adorned the inside and was popping out.

"What's this?" she asked with a frown when he placed a bag on the table next to her. Alex gave her a look and she widened her eyes in response before turning to face the bag completely. "Sloan…"

"Remember the sexual reassignment surgery last week?" Nodding, she straightened up and took the bag. He pulled it away.

"Uh-uh. Wait." Remembering now, her mouth dropped open.

"Sloan, I was kidding."

"Yeah, but I made a promise to do better," he said quietly and she stared up into those blue eyes. They glowed unassumingly with a warmth that settled in her veins and burned her slowly from inside out. "Let me explain the gift first."

"Fine." Leaning back, she crossed one leg over the other as Izzie came up to Alex, having been assigned to shadow him today. The blonde stared at Emily and the brunette managed to tear her gaze away from Mark to see her two friends cock their heads before Izzie leaned over to Alex and whispered something.

"Listening, jailbait?"

"Hm, yeah." Turning to Mark, she scooted her chair closer to the bag. It wasn't labelled but it was a nice pastel purple.

"I thought of what gift to get you. For a long time. Spent a whole night on it, actually." He absently tugged at some of the tissue paper before letting his hand drop. "You aren't like other girls. Probably wouldn't have appreciated jewelry since you wouldn't get a chance to wear it often, and we're doctors, all the time, so I didn't get you something like that.

"You're not getting to the point."

"Let me explain," Mark said, sitting half on the counter. "I just want you to understand why I gave you this."

"Okay…"

"You probably like something practical and stylish. When we last went to get drinks, I saw that some of the buttons on your old coat were missing, and the edges were fraying so I decided to take that into my own hands. Here, take it."

The bag was big and when she peered inside, it was a beautiful cream colour that made her heart stop. Pulling it out carefully, she felt the luxurious make, the stitching, the way the fabric layered against itself in elegant wrinkles. She never thought wrinkles could look so graceful. Biting her lip, she peered at the buttons and the thin sash around the waist. It was the most gorgeous trench coat she had ever seen.

"Mark, I can't take this. It's beautiful. It's-" She paused, looking at the tag at the nape of the neck- " _Yves Saint-Laurent?_ Are you kidding me? These are like eight grand a coat!" Staring at the trench coat in her hands, unable to comprehend how much this actually _cost_ , she couldn't make her mouth form more words. "Mark, I can't take this. I really can't. How am I going to pay you back?"

"You don't have to. Calm down and let me see it on you." Ripping her gaze away from the coat, she stared at Mark like he'd grown a second head. When she still didn't move, he took the coat away from her and waited patiently for her brain to function. "Emily, you still there?"

"Yeah, yeah. I just held eight grand in my hands, that's all," she said dazedly. He chuckled, spinning her around. Moving her arms, she guided her limbs through the sleeves. When she stepped back and pulled the lapels together to imitate how it'd look like buttoned up, she looked up at him.

"Wow," he breathed, absolutely stunned. She felt the heat rise to her face as he tied the thin sash around her waist. "You look… amazing."

"Thanks, but I can't take this," she murmured as he pulled a piece of hair out from underneath the jacket and tucking it behind her ear. "It's… I can't."

"Please," he whispered and her smile flitted across her face, disbelieving but bright, "take it." _Take everything,_ he thought, _I'd give it all to keep that smile._ "I said I'd get you something. This is me keeping my word."

"Okay," she whispered and he smiled softly, leaving with one last glance over his shoulder. "Okay," she repeated, blinking and glancing at her two friends. They stared at her with bright smiles (a smirk in Alex's case) and she blinked repeatedly again. "He just gave me a YSL."

"Dude, what'd you do to Sloan that he'd drop eight grand on you?" Alex asked before leaving. Izzie seemed to pause, wanting to ask but Emily had no answers.

"I made a deal," she said lamely and the blonde shook her head, following after the male intern. "That's all this is. Us keeping our words. Just friends. Just friends." Still, as Emily stood there with the most expensive thing she owned hanging on her shoulders, she wondered what her heart truly thought.

.

"I'm calling it. It's mine," Alex said as they walked out of the room. George protested, nudging him with his shoulder.

"I have two brothers. I feel their pain," he argued as Izzie smiled and leaned on the counter.

"I would be great at watching this." Bailey flipped open the chart as Emily sidled in beside George.

"Did I tell you you look fantastic today, Dr. Bailey?"

"Zip it. All of you," their resident ordered with a sigh as Alex insisted that they were on the case. Rolling her eyes, she agreed. Cheering, they shared smiles as Bailey turned to Izzie. "Stevens, you are not to-"

"Look or touch or speak or breathe, I got it," she recited happily as Mark left the patient's room. He glanced up at them before continuing his way to the empty space on the counter beside them.

"So this is the crack team, huh?" he asked, placing the binder on the flat area.

"Feel free to take one," Bailey offered, turning back to her paperwork. They all looked expectantly at the attending when he passed his gaze over them.

"Jailbait." At first, none of them moved, a confused aura surrounding them until, reluctantly, Emily moved to stand beside Mark. Bailey gave them a look as Alex cursed under his breath.

"Stevens, you're shadowing Moore, today."

"Come on." He clipped his pen to his pocket as they started down the hall. Izzie stayed a distance behind, watching the two closely.

"You can't spoil me like this," she chastised quietly to keep their conversation between them. "You should have chosen Alex; I owe him a favor."

"What, speaking for the boyfriend?" he asked in the same volume, trying to keep his tone light.

"What?" Her face scrunched up. "No! Alex and I are just friends. And he likes plastics. Plus, you gave me an extremely expensive, beautiful coat so you can't give me the cool surgery, too."

"Thought you'd be pretty to look at while I work," he joked, wrapping an arm around her shoulder and pulling her towards him. She glared up at him in faux anger before relenting. "I want you on this case. You're my favourite intern and Bailey gave me a choice." His arm fell away as he opened the door to the stairwell, taking two at a time. "Any questions?"

"You don't teach, Sloan," she said dryly, following after him.

"I don't," he agreed. "But you're a friend, so…" Laughing, she pondered aloud.

"Will you be doing the nerve graft and skin reconstruction?" He turned, taking out some money. "No. I am your friend. Your _friend._ Don't do this," she added dramatically, grasping onto his coat like a dying woman. He held out a few bills, an innocent look to his face. "Bone dry cappuccino and what else? This is way too much for just that."

"A blueberry scone." He smiled, a genuine one that touched his eyes as she took the wrinkled bills half-heartedly. "And yes, I'll be doing both. Fine," he added, caving at her expression, and adding another ten dollars, "get something for yourself."

"Cafeteria's on the second floor and a coffee cart is in the lobby," she muttered, stuffing the money in her pocket. Cocking his head to the side, he gave her a hooded look. "Only because you're eye-candy," she teased, going back down the steps. "Come on, Iz, we're getting coffee.

"Hey! You know I like mouthy brunettes," he called back, a twinkle to his eyes.

"Whatever," she riposted. "I'll get you a croissant for that." With a final dimpled smile, she opened the door and disappeared.

.

"Why do you let him treat you like that?" Izzie asked as they walked back to the hospital. Waiting for the light to change, Emily glanced at Izzie.

"Because I don't mind. We're friends."

"Yeah, and what about the interns who aren't buddy-buddy with Sloan? It just feels like a waste of time," the blonde muttered. The light changed and they began to cross. "I'm just asking. He asks us to do these things as if we respect him enough to do it but I'm not respecting him if he doesn't do anything worth respecting."

"Iz-"

"Sorry. I know you like him," Izzie apologized quietly and Emily looked away from her friend. "You do, don't you?"

"That obvious?"

"No. I can just tell. Besides, we went, like, all over town to find those scones." The wind swept against their face as they dodged a man in a suit running down the street. "I'm just saying, maybe he should be better."

"I'll try," promised the brunette. "I don't like it either and I've tried to stop him before but I guess this time, I'll have to really knock it into his head." Izzie smiled down at her as the doors slid open and they walked into the lobby.

.

Confusion.

That's what he was feeling. Confusion for his situation, for his feelings, for what he did, for where he was. What kind of person falls in love with their best friend's wife? Furthermore, what kind of person sleeps with said wife and fucks it up with her too? What kind of person finds someone like Emily Moore, an angel in all ways, and manages to snag her as a friend?

Mark Sloan was the answer to all these questions. Mark Sloan who regretted hurting Derek, regretted falling in love with Addison. Mark Sloan, who, every day, loved her less and less. It was miniscule, day by day, things so small he barely noticed until he did.

Maybe that was why he spent eight grand on a trench coat for Emily, because her smile was the thing that really lit up the grey Seattle skies. Or maybe it was the scent of her, flowers and coffee and the soft, yet sharp smell of antiseptic from lingering in the hospital for days on end that always lingered in his mind like a hypnotic smoke.

Addison smelt like high-end perfume, elegant and sweet, almost, with a touch of detergent from her clothes.

She smelt clean and fresh as her appearance every day at the hospital while Emily was a messy plethora of different smells that came together that was so uniquely her. She was the coffeeshop on the corner of the hospital's block, she was her apartment in that grey building, she was the hospital, sometimes she was Joe's bar, she was everything

Mark, at one point in his life, thought he knew what he wanted. Now he wasn't so sure. He just knew he couldn't lose Emily, someone who had subtly entered his life, had set him aflame like no one else ever had with her sarcasm and kindness and just _her._ He thought of their kiss in the attendings room, how the first one felt like chaos, upsetting his stomach almost with how off it felt and how the second, third, fourth… They felt _real._

He thought of everything he learned about her, thought about her. Thought of how her fingers and knuckles were calloused the few times they'd brush hands or the softness of her palm when she had held his jaw in her hand. Thought of how her eyes, hazel, switched between gold and green accents depending on the light, and always held a note of care and attentiveness for him, as if he were the only thing that mattered, the only thing in her world.

She was the warmth that thawed the bitter cold in his heart, she was the sun between the dark clouds of loneliness, and she was the fire when Derek and Addison had doused every flame in his husk of a body.

She was… she was everything he never knew he needed. Someone who stayed no matter what.

And he couldn't ruin that.

So they'd stay friends, if that's what she wanted. She was a catch, it wouldn't surprise Mark if guys were lined up to ask her out. Still, he liked to imagine. He wanted to imagine.

What would life be like with her? Instead of Addison, who he loved for her sass and attitude and brilliance, who would argue until there was nothing left to say and they had crossed a line unable to return from, who'd rather cheat than leave - that, he knew well - and would stand firm in what she believed in; what would have happened if he was emotionally single for Emily's taking when there was still a chance?

He liked to think she was one who'd act none different than now. She would definitely leave rather than cheat, what with her fairy tale ideals, and she'd stop the arguing before it got to far. Table it for another time, perhaps, because she wanted them to last, not to win. Even for being a surgeon, he found that the ambition in her to win at others expense was nonexistent, only the drive to do what was right for others pushing her forward. She wasn't a shark, and for that, he feared for her. Surgery was a shark den. You either were a shark or you were eaten.

But there was something fierce about her that made him think she would survive. She was an irreplaceable surgeon, bright, humble, quiet, kind. He couldn't count the number of surgeons that were robots, who wanted more to cut than anything else. She wasn't one of them.

Because she was _kind._ She was _giving._ She knew where he was almost all the time, was on top of his life even when she could barely keep hers together, because he needed her. He was the broken one. It's almost like she took a little bit of love from tomorrow so there was enough for today, and his heart ached when she lied to him one day at the bar, early in the morning, "You're the damaged one. I'm fine."

He didn't know the right way to tell her that being lonely was a form of self-destruction. So he bought her another drink and then drove her home.

She invaded his mind, made herself at home, her eyes daring him to forget her as he stayed up at night in the Archfield, usually a time when he thought about a certain redhead, but now he only had thoughts for the messy-haired brunette who worked at the hospital his ex-best friend and his ex-wife worked at.

" _Do you think Addison is your one?"_

" _I don't know."_

He didn't know and only now did he realize why. It was because of her.

.

"Here you go! I think I might be the best, sorry I took so long." She held out the cardboard tray to him, letting him take his cappuccino. "Blueberry and lemon. I know it's your favorite and you mentioned them while you were still in New York, so." Taking out a box of them, she placed it on the counter. He grinned crazily, seeing the baked goods; they really were his favorite.

"And what'd you get for yourself?" he asked, taking one out and biting into it. Shrugging, she smiled. "Nothing?"

"The box cost most of it and then I just got a coffee. It's nothing." She waved off his attempts to offer her a sip of his cappuccino and lifted her own plain coffee. Grabbing his scone out of his hand, she nibbled on it, sighing at its flavor. "So worth it though." He nodded, snatching it back. Placing her own coffee cup on the counter, she sent him a proud smile.

"Mine." He fake-sulked, finishing the scone and washing it down with the cappuccino. "Don't make me do it," he warned, seeing her hand sneaking towards the box. Raising her eyebrows, the appendage didn't retreat.

"What?"

"This!" Grabbing her around the waist, he swung her around as she let out a laugh. He chuckled heartily, twirling before setting her down. Crashing into his chest, her bout of laughter left her breathless and her shoulders shook as she buried her face into his chest. Mark's laughter died before hers and she lifted her face to see his frozen expression. Turning around, she was faced with Addison who stared at them strangely before continuing her way, grabbing a binder and walking stiffly away from their vision.

"Sloan?" When he didn't respond, she frowned. "Mark. Are you okay?" He tucked his chin in to look at her, biting his lip.

"Yeah, fine." He sure as hell didn't sound fine.

.

"I can't eat another one," she said, leaning beside Mark and resting her head against his shoulder as he worked on a chart. The box was almost finished, with two scones left and he chuckled. Their elbows touched and he smiled as she moved her head to peer at what he was writing.

"Where's Stevens?"

"Checking in on the twins. Can I ask you something?" she began quietly and he nodded. "Why do you not let any of your interns ever do anything?"

"Because they're nobodies. Not worth my respect or time," he said easily and she frowned. "Better for them to run errands than to screw up one of my patients."

"Well, how'll they learn? And how will anyone respect you like that?" she countered and he paused in his scribbling, glancing at her. "I understand that you want the best for your patients, but you can't do that by reducing us to errand runners. You know, over time, you won't be a respected attending if nothing you do is worth respecting."

"Moore-"

"I'm just saying," she said, worrying her lip. She took a few steps away and sighed, swallowing and trying to think of something to say. "When we scrub in today, let Dr. Stevens scrub in. Maybe that's where you could start."

.

"That was so cool! And thanks for letting Izzie scrub in." Mark offered a smile before realizing the date. _I can deal with it tomorrow,_ he thought. _Tomorrow will be worse,_ he added before looking at the brunette at his side. She was still in her surgical gown but her scrub cap was gone, leaving a messy tangle of hair atop her head.

"Yeah. I'm just glad Derek doesn't know. Otherwise he probably would've forfeited that surgery." Mark shook his head as the surgical team began wheeling the second twin past them.

"Derek's my friend" Emily argued, crossing her arms, "I don't like keeping secrets from him."

"Derek isn't the boss of you; it's not something he needs to know," Mark informed and she rolled her eyes. "Now. I'm hungry,"

"Eat then," was her sarcastic reply and he sighed, acting all disappointed. "Okay, okay. I'm off shift in an hour, can you wait until then unless you have plans?" She stopped at the elevator, pressing the button and turning to him.

"Nope. Don't think Addison's asking for a date anytime soon," he joked but was intrigued to see her smile freeze for a split second. Choosing to ignore it, he crossed his arms. "Any ideas?"

"You are staying at the Archfield, right? Why don't we just have room service?"

"But my primal urges won't be able to be held back," he said teasingly. She shook her head slightly at his statement, rolling her eyes. She pulled the hair tie out of her hair and shimmied it onto her wrist as the doors opened.

"I'm sure we'll be fine. You've adjusted around me, haven't you?" she teased. "I'm going to just finish up some paperwork. I'll meet you outside when my shifit is over."

"It's a date!" he said as she walked into the elevator. She leaned against the wall with her hand, shaking her head to herself. He smiled and turned away, counting down the minutes until her shift was done.

 **A/N: Edited - September 9, 2018**


	18. Trust

DAY ONE

"Your family is nice, George. Your dad is so friendly but your mom, uh, asked me about the sexual relationship between us and-"

"Just ignore her and if she offers to iron your clothes, don't - just leave. She will iron _everything,_ " George interrupted with an attempted smile. Emily closed her binder with a sympathetic look to her, offering a granola bar she kept in her pocket. "I'm just looking at his chart, I'll put it back when I'm finished."

"That's fine with me, just make sure Meredith finds it later." She placed a hand on his shoulder and squeezed. When he still didn't look up, she spoke again, "Hey, what does your dad say all the time?"

"O'Malleys are fighters," he mumbled before repeating it louder. "O'Malleys are fighters."

"Damn right. He is going to get through this," She smiled when he took her offered snack, holding onto it tightly. Nodding, he stood and placed the chart back where he found it and made his way to his father's room. Emily sorely hoped her words were to be true.

.

The door opened and she started awake, staring blearily at the outline. Mark was standing there, trying to close the door as softly as he could as light streamed into the dark on-call room.

"Mark?" she mumbled hoarsely and he glanced over once the door clicked close. Reaching blindly for the light on the nightstand, she flipped the switch as he dove onto the bed next to her.

"Sorry. Didn't know you were in here." Resting her hand on his back to make sure he was actually here, she rolled onto her side, crossing her arms as he turned his head to look at her.

"What're you doing here?"

"What are _you_ doing here?" he retorted, reaching for the switch and turning off the light. The room plunged into darkness.

"I just finished scrubbing in on a craniotomy with Shepherd. On his service for this week," she mumbled and he sighed, eyes closed. He turned onto his side to face her, scooting closer and she bent her arms, hands below her chin. He took one, sighing again.

"Are you okay?"

"Let's just stay in the quiet for a while," he whispered and dark eyes searched ever darker eyes. In the blackness of the room, they could see each other's silhouettes and that was enough. She used her free hand to touch his face, to feel his deep frown and then nodded.

"Okay."

.

When she woke up, he was still there. Nudging him awake, she smiled but wrinkled her nose at his morning breath.

"Morning," she murmured as he pushed himself up. "Oh, god, what time is it?"

"Almost midnight."

"What? Oh, god, my sleep schedule is completely screwed up. I thought I need sleep and then I go and only get two hours?" she exclaimed, rolling onto her back. He managed a hoarse chuckle, leaning over and kissing the spot before her ear. Eyes widening, she turned her head to stare at him. He seemed just as shocked at what she was.

"Sorry."

"No, it's… no, it's fine," she said and he smiled slightly. There was something tired about the edges and she mimicked the smile. "Why do you look so sad?"

"Just tired," he replied and she sighed, climbing over him and slipping on his shoes. Mark turned to watch her go and she spared him a glance. "Wanna go back to the Archfield? Get some sleep on a decent bed?"

"Uh, if you'll have me, sure," she accepted hesitantly and his smile grew, the edges grew sharper, clearer and he sat up. "I'll meet you in the lobby?" asked the woman and he nodded, scooting to the edge of the bed beside her.

"Okay." Tired, she took a hold of the side of his neck and brought his head to her, pressing a quick kiss to the side of his head.

"Ten minutes," she promised.

"Ten minutes," he agreed.

DAY TWO

When she woke up in the Archfield, it was to Mark's still asleep form and her clothes all on and she counted that as a success. Pulling the covers closer to her body, she groaned and squeezed her eyes shut, trying to get back to sleep.

"Moore, you awake?" he mumbled and she responded by nodding and squirming closer towards him for the warmth. It was so _cold_ and the rain was pattering the windows. "Why are your feet so _cold?_ "

"Because I generated warmth for my body and not my appendages," she murmured into his back and he twisted at the waist to look at her. Emily buried herself underneath the covers when he moved away, trying to soak up whatever warmth he would leave behind as he got up from the bed.

"Ugh, you know you kept yanking the blankets away, too?" he complained and she sat up, getting off the bed with the blankets still around her shoulders and body. It dragged behind her like a cape as he went for the phone.

"I'm a competitive sleeper," she said and he sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. Picking up the phone, he began ordering breakfast as she brushed her teeth, the blanket still all wrapped up and then waddled out and collapsing on one of the lounge.

"French toast okay with you?"

"Fine," she called back and he nodded before continuing to talk. When he finished speaking, he went to brush his teeth and she turned on the TV, surfing the channels. There was nothing interesting so she settled on a news network as Mark settled down beside her. "Why're you sad?" she asked again and he sighed, looking at her.

"Stop asking," he said shortly and she sighed, turning in her blanket burrito to look at him. "Share the blanket." Sighing again, she untangled the blanket and curled up against him, sharing it with him.

"Bossy," she mumbled under her breath as he cleared his throat. He sounded stuffy and she looked at him. "You're sick. The rain must be really hard on your body," she murmured, taking in his red-rimmed eyes. He had an arm along the back of the couch and over time it slid down to her shoulders.

"Just, don't ask, okay?" he finally said and she looked up at him.

"Okay."

.

Walking into the elevator with Mark, she sighed and wiped away the few raindrops that had managed to catch onto his sickly face.

"You look even worse than this morning," she murmured and he pulled her hand away.

"Moore, stop worrying."

"I can't. You're sick."

"Confunded by the rain," he managed to say, resisting a shiver. "Who's on my service today?"

"Alex. Be nice," she said as the elevator doors opened. Walking out, their shoes squeaked slightly and she took his hand instead, her other hand holding the umbrella they had used to get over here in relative dryness. As they approached the lobby, Alex intercepted them.

"Bone dry cappuccino." He presented a cup to the attending as she released his hand without gaining attention.

"At least something's dry around here. Does it ever stop raining in this hellhole?" Raising the cup to his lips, he scoffed when Alex said no. "Great. Good to know," Sipping, he swallowed painfully, lowering the cup before turning to the intern who had started walking away. "What the hell is this, Karev? Vanilla?"

"Mark - Alex, go, he's having a bad day." Putting herself between her friend and her attending, she placed her hand on his chest.

"Are you trying to poison me or are you just trying to make my day a little bit worse?" he growled, pushing against her hand. Alex walked back up to them as Addison let out a warning from where she stood behind the counter.

"Coffee cart must have screwed up." Alex lied, a smug look to his face. Shaking her head, Emily opened her bag to grab her wallet, trying to fish out a few quick dollars.

"You know, if you can't handle coffee, you can't handle plastics. Maybe you oughta head back to the gynie squad where life is all squishy and pink." He sent a venomous look to Addison before shoving the drink to Alex. Walking around her, Mark shoved his hands in his pockets as they shared looks. She tried to say something, her mouth moving but no words forming. When it was clear there was nothing to say, she walked after him.

"What is wrong with you? Why're you snapping at Addison like that?" she called after him and he turned to her, an annoyed and vengeful mask covering his face. "Sloan! Hey!"

"Why do you care?"

"I care because you're my friend," she retorted, crossing her arms. He ignored her and continued onward and she trudged after him, grabbing his arm. "Mark!"

"It's none of your business, okay?" he whipped around, a snarl twisting his lips. "Stop being so damn nosy! I asked you not to ask. Can't you just keep your word?" Recoiling, her hand sprung open and he ripped his arm away from her. "Leave me alone, Moore."

"Fine," she said coldly, pivoting around and walking away, her back stiff and jaw set. The hurt that pulsed in her lungs stole away any air as she ignored the feeling of her heart seizing so hard she thought it might burst.

DAY THREE

"Hey, Izzie. Thought you had a surgery-"

"It got cancelled. Insurance problem," the blonde replied before making her way down the hall.

"The check?"

"In the bank."

"Iz…" She paused, making the blonde turn around. A sad expression played with their faces before she glanced at her shoes. "Tell George I said hi?" A smile flitted across her face before she nodded. "Thanks. And I'm sorry about the surgery." She wasn't just sorry about that and Izzie knew but she chose to focus on that. Nodding again, the blonde went to the end of the hall, sitting beside a brunet. George looked up at her approach as Emily turned to walk the opposite way.

.

Standing beside the still man, she inspected him closely. He was still in his hospital clothes, staring hard at something behind the counter. His hands braced him up as he just kept staring. Not touching him, she gently closed the binder and stacked it on top of the other one he had. A nurse accepted them gratefully with a concerned glance at the attending and Emily turned back towards the man. His eyes reflected the torment inside him, the stormy look in his eyes causing her blood to chill. She wouldn't be the first one to speak. It was always him, he was the one suffering.

So she was silent until he looked up blearily. He blinked multiple times before coughing. It appeared he still had a cough from the rain before. Then he realized she was standing beside him and glared, "What are you doing here? Told you to leave me alone, didn't I?" When she tried to form a sentence, he returned to his stormy look and over-the-counter distant gazing.

"You did," she agreed, scanning the man. He looked miserable, his eyes betraying the pain and his posture revealing how little sleep he had gotten. "But I won't leave you alone like this. So you're going to have to deal with it. No matter how much you lash out at me, I will always come back to you. Somehow, it's always you." He was quiet, watching her.

"Moore-"

"I - I don't know what's happening to you this week but I want to help. I can't do that if you don't let me.". His lips twisted into a deep glower and he turned to her. The dangerous, poisonous look in his eyes made the need to run rise up but she squashed it down, standing her ground. Grabbing his wrists, she forced herself to stare into his eyes. "Friends do not leave their friends behind,"

.

Mark had to fight the anger that rose in him like a growing flame. It licked the insides of his body and set him on fire. _How could she? Today, we'd be having a baby. Instead, I'm here in this hellhole._ And his week was only getting better when he yelled at perhaps his only friend in Seattle. But here she was, coming back to him. No one had done that before. Derek's been there since the beginning but he had driven him away. No one had come back for him except for the girl with hazel eyes. The flames lowered to a few flickering embers. Her eyes were narrowed intuitively at him, brown hair pulled back from her face.

This morning they were eating french toast together. Now she was here, waiting on him to talk. She was an angel, he the taint that ruined her wings.

"You're not leaving anyone behind." He assured tightly, pushing off the counter and walking in the direction of the attendings lounge. "I'm fine, Moore. Seriously, get away from me."

He didn't turn back, afraid of the anger or even hurt that would be on her face. He didn't turn back, afraid of the flames grew again, higher until it scorched his throat at his lies, at his _I'm fine_. He didn't turn back, afraid that when he did, she would be gone. Or maybe, she'd be there. Mark didn't know which one he was more afraid of.

DAY FOUR

His throat was dry and his nose was constantly running. Karev tried to get in on a surgery but he had shunned him, even with the offered cappuccino. The drink didn't quite taste the same without the normally accompanied smile and cheerful laugh, but he had taken it anyway. Closing his eyes, he tried to imagine it in his mind, able to see the brunette perfectly as her lips curled into a grin. A loud bang and his eyes opened. The nurse had dropped a binder loudly against the counter. Scowling, he continued on with his day. His version was never going to be as good as the real thing.

DAY FIVE

"You would have made a terrible father, Mark. I did want a baby, I did. I just… I just didn't want one with you," Addison said, walking past Emily as she made her way out of the office. Her blood was cold.

He stirred his coffee as he stared at her apologetically. "Dr. Sloan."

"Moore, I - yes, hey." He sighed, reaching out for her. His eyes were rimmed with red and his voice was nasally. Her heart reached out for him but she chained it back when she reluctantly let him touch her. "I didn't want you to hear that."

"I didn't want to hear it either," she replied quietly, pulling away. Turning to exit, she paused, her fingers curling around the doorframe. Opening and closing her mouth, she wanted to say something but didn't, shrugging it off and walking away. The burning on her arm was spreading like a wildfire. Her stomach was in knots, sorely missing his smile and laughter. Now she knew why he was avoiding her like the plague and she didn't like how much it hurt he didn't trust her.

DAY SIX

She settled beside Callie as they waited patiently for someone to leave the room.

"How long has it been?"

"An hour." And so they waited, the quiet ticking of the clock the only thing keeping them company. A soft, muffled crying escaped the room and they ducked their heads. It wouldn't be long now. Emily glowered at the floor. _Mr. O'Malley was a nice man. Bad things shouldn't happen to good people._

When the door swung open, all of them raised their heads and she saw George, his jaw set. He walked past them, silently and with no tears. None of them said anything, letting him pass without a word.

 **A/N: Edited - September 9, 2018**


	19. Apologies

"Rumor has it you're headed to New York." Derek walked faster to catch up with him as Mark smiled. His tone was almost friendly.

"Where'd you hear that?" he asked, playing along. He had been planning to, but since the ominous silence on Moore and his' friendship, he decided to go on hold. Mark Sloan did not leave things _unfinished._

"Good news travels fast. Actually, I was gonna scrub in on a peripheral nerve reconstruction." That piqued his interest and he glanced over at his ex-best friend. "But since it's your last day-"

"It isn't and I'd love to," he replied smugly, spotting the brunette ahead of them in the office to his left. She met eyes with him mouthed words to him. He pretended not to see, turning back to Derek.

"What? I thought-" The raven-haired man sounded confused.

"Oh, I was going. But now I'm not. Rumor has it there's a race for Chief." That wasn't the only reason but Derek didn't need to know that.

"Where'd you hear that?"

"Good news travels fast. Especially when you have a chatty girlfriend." Her absence echoed in his core but he shook it off. It was fun to see Derek get riled up anyhow. "Anyways—" He patted him on the arm— "see you at the finish line." Spinning around, he left the neurosurgeon speechless.

.

"How many you got left?" Emily asked as she glanced down at her own charts to fill. Meredith sent her a sour look before counting.

"Three. So… are you and Sloan a thing? He never gives you bedsores," the blonde added grumpily, picking up her pen. Flushing, Emily shrugged. "And he doesn't give you errands."

"I don't really know, right now. We're not talking. Actually, he's not talking to me." She ducked her head to begin writing but felt Meredith's eyes on her.

"Is everything alright?" She asked as the door swung open. "I won't tell, promise," She added with a sympathetic tone. Shrugging, she shook her head.

"How are you and Derek?" She switched the topic and the blonde had a slightly silly smile at the name of her boyfriend as the door swung open.

"You told Sloan?" Turning around, she fixed a confused expression on her face. Emily looked up as well, meeting eyes with Derek. "Mark Sloan. You told him the Chief was stepping down, that I wanted the job."

"I didn't know that was a secret," Meredith said sincerely.

"He was leaving, Meredith. He was leaving town,"

"Okay, and now he's not?" she probed, confused. Emily bit her lip, drumming the pen against the table. Something about that hit her the wrong way. Mark was leaving? When was that decided? He had just decided without even telling her?

Was he really going to leave without even telling her? Derek's face was full of betrayal and Emily echoed his feelings but for a different reason.

"No, he's not. You gave him a reason to stay," the man snapped, opening the door and closing it with a slam. Standing up, the blonde opened the door, calling after him before returning to her seat.

"Mer, it isn't your fault," Emily mumbled, avoiding the woman's eyes. How could he just do that? "That was unfair,"

"I know," she acknowledged, continuing her charts. "So, about McSteamy?" Emily caved reluctantly.

"He didn't even tell me he was planning to leave. He didn't… it's like he doesn't trust me. How can - how can we be friends when he wouldn't even tell me that?" the brunette questioned hesitantly, twirling her pen. She was unable to write, unable to face what he did. He thought he could just leave her. Like everyone else did.

"I don't know," Meredith sighed, letting the pen drop and resting her fingers against her temple. "Why do you have that look on your face?"

"He was just planning to leave. Like everyone does," the woman whispered, glancing down into her lap. Meredith gave her a knowing look and there was something twitching her lips into a frown. "What is it?"

"You have abandonment issues," she stated factually and Emily sighed.

"I do."

"Me too. Come on, we need to finish these charts," the blonde said, changing the subject. Thankful, Emily looked at the words before her.

"I guess we do,"

.

Walking into the new clinic, she shoved her hands into her pockets as she looked at the new metal racks. Heading over to one of the tables, she, along with Alex and Cristina watched Olivia go over the floor plan. The door opened and she looked behind, meeting eyes with Mark. Looking away, she felt a bitter taste flood her mouth and she sipped her coffee to rinse it out.

.

His breath hitched when Addie ran into that O.R. to push in more anesthesia. He called after her but she ignored him, yelling at him for the weight. He swallowed, giving the estimate as she pushed in the propofol. From the scrub room, he could see her eyes flutter open and shut and his heart raced in his throat. It thudded hard as she began her way to them, stumbling into a tray and knocking it over. Slipping past Derek, he opened the door for her as she fell into his arms. Her arms relaxed against him as he pulled her back, murmuring into her ear.

"I got you. I got you, it's okay." She gasped for air as he strapped an oxygen mask to her. Breathing heavily, her hand grasped around his arms, clinging on as he stroked her hair. Helping her onto a gurney, he returned back to the scrub room as he reported the time periodically.

When he couldn't see what they were doing, he ascended up to the gallery. Her eyes were already drooping and he left her with a promise to come back, returning to the gallery of O.R. 1. He checked his watch; they were at twenty nine minutes. The Chief was talking to the microphone as the two attendings continued on the bowel. "Chief, they're at twenty-nine." Emily slipped past him, settling behind Yang, followed by Stevens.

"What's going on?" the blonde asked as Meredith started explaining. Mark watched Derek as he placed the N.G. tube down the patient's nose skillfully. He bit his lip, chewing it out of nervousness as the interns continued to chatter.

"The Chief figured the anesthesiologist didn't have time to drop an N.G. tube. So now they have to place one and decompress and repack her intestines and close." Mark ran a hand over his cap, walking back and forth before checking the stopwatch again. "And they're about to run out of air."

"Holy crap," Izzie breathed as Emily watched the two surgeons complete their tasks. The Chief talked calmly into the microphone, instructing the cardiothoracic surgeon.

"Preston, you'll need to milk the bowel to get out the excess fluid. Pack her and wrap her and get her ready for transport." The two shared looks, their breath fogging up the mask.

"How's George doing?" Emily asked distractedly, never taking her eyes off the table.

"Medically, he's fine. Emotionally? He's a little stunted if you ask me. You don't marry the rebound girl, am I right?" Izzie questioned, drifting her glance to the other three females. Mark held in a laugh at their conversation, fixing a mask on his face. Neurotoxin in a patient's body. Right.

"You don't marry anyone on a whim," Cristina commented.

"Well, he needs our support." Meredith muttered, following the surgeon's' movements, their movements growing slower.

"He doesn't need us, he's got his Vegas show-wife," Izzie remarked stingingly.

"Ouch, Iz. Come on, he's happy." Emily said with a smile as Mark checked his stopwatch again. His eyes darkened and he leaned towards the Chief.

"Chief, they're at thirty-two minutes. You gotta pull 'em out." Their replies were so breathless, Emily felt her heart leap up to her ears. Burke stumbled before collapsing as Derek walked around the table clumsily, crouching down to shake his colleague before falling onto his side as well. They all stood to attention, reaching towards the glass as neither of the surgeons moved. As if electricity ran through them, they sprang into action, running down the stairs and ordering for gurneys and oxygen masks. Scrubbing in, they grabbed scrub caps and tied their hair up, putting on gowns and gloves. Mark held back, tying Emily's gown for her as Dr. Webber began speaking. Her back was rigid against his fingers and she turned to stare at him, silently asking for him to speak. Looking away, he listened to the Chief speak.

"Okay, damage control. We still have to pack her and wrap her so that she's stable for transport. We work in shifts - one doctor at a time, no one stays in for more than twenty seconds." Nodding, the interns checked over each other to make sure they were properly secure as the Chief offered him first.

"I'm not going in there," he replied immediately. The others turned around disbelievingly as he continued.

"What?"

"It would be irresponsible for the remaining healthy attending to expose himself to the neurotoxin, a neurotoxin whose long term effects we're still unaware of. So I'm staying in here," They all looked forward again until Cristina volunteered to go first.

"I can swim three lengths of my parents' pool underwater."

"You're up, Dr. Yang. Let's get her masks. Sloan, give her the lap pads. You're gonna wet them and pack the cavity." Mark placed a mask and goggles on her face and passed her lap pads. Diving in, she dipped them in water before stuffing them into the body cavity. Running back towards them, she threw off her mask, breathing in the oxygen as she pressed the plastic mask against her face.

"Dr. Stevens, remove the drape and secure the plastic along her sides. It's gotta be tight." Izzie went next, holding onto the wrapping, trying to untangle it unsuccessfully. Again, Mark opened the mechanical door as the blonde ripped off her mask. He pointed to an empty oxygen tank for Izzie as Meredith stepped up.

"Okay, the seal needs to be as close to vacuum-tight as possible. It'll inflate, and then you'll know it's secure." Running in, she untangled the yellow plastic, wrapping it tightly, and waited for it puff up between her fingers. When it did so, she ran back in.

"Moore, you unhook her and get her ready for transport." Stepping up to Mark, she felt his warm fingers brush against her cheek as they settled the glasses on her nose and made sure her mask fit. Walking to the door, she felt someone's eyes on her. Turning to the attending, she nodded slightly.

"Moore," Mark spoke first. He conceded and his eyes showed that she knew. "Be careful," It was unnecessary but her heart warmed nonetheless as she took a deep breath before running into the O.R.

.

When Moore had stepped up, his heart raced faster and he had to say something. He felt as if she was running into Death's arms, although he knew - in reality- she wasn't. So he spoke first, wanting to savor the moment before she raced into the O.R. There were so many things he wanted to say, a lot of things, but he swallowed them and covered her mouth with a mask, made sure her glasses weren't askew and chose the best out of it. It was so fast, as quick as a the blink of an eye and she was back in his arms, breathing heavily into his chest as he pressed the oxygen mask into her mouth. Her arm wrapped around his waist, another over the hand that held the plastic mask as she looked up at him, her eyes full of relief.

The Chief congratulated the interns on their bravery before sending him a glare. He stared back until Webber swung open the door and left. Cristina and Meredith sent the brunette a knowing glance as Izzie cocked her head, following the other two females out. Pulling the mask away from her mouth, she took a step back.

"I'm okay," she whispered before putting the mask back to her face.

"That's good." He nodded.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she asked, "Why are you avoiding me?" She rephrased. He considered brushing it off. _Didn't think you wanted to know I was a dad of an imaginary kid. Figured it'd break your heart. Slipped my mind._ But she deserved more than that.

"I don't know." It wasn't the whole truth. "I just knew I didn't want to hurt you," There it was. Her shock was visible as she thought. "Why didn't you tell me about your thing?"

"My thing?" she repeated, letting her arm drop. She cradled the plastic mask in her hands as she breathed heavily.

"When Karev came back from that camping trip. About how he left you alone. Why didn't you tell me how you felt? I would've stayed with you - I would've done something."

"Because you're supposed to be the damaged one," she said, voice wavering and he uncrossed his arms, pulling her into a crushing hug. "I don't have anyone besides Alex. I don't have anyone and it feels like that's what it's supposed to be like. I just… Alex and I, we've been drinking buddies since day one. That's all. I just wanted someone."

"You have me now, jailbait," he murmured into her hair and her arms slithered around his waist, burying her face into his chest. "I'm sorry." He pressed a kiss to her hairline.

"Just promise me you'll tell me, whatever happens. Tell me you'll always tell me what's bothering you. No matter what." He pulled his head back, hand cupping her jaw and his thumb brushing over her lips.

"Yeah. I promise." She smiles slightly, pressing her ear against his chest to hear his heart.

"Thank you."

 **A/N: Edited - September 9, 2018**


	20. Angel

"Hey, Sloan." Her greeting was hesitant, as if she couldn't believe they were okay again. Her cheeks were dusted pink as she passed. Burke nearly snorted in amusement as Mark followed after her with his eyes subconsciously. Emily glanced over her shoulder and smiled before ducking her head and sitting at the nurses station.

"Infatuated with an intern? Are you the real Mark Sloan?" the man asked with a teasing tone. "Hey." He snapped his fingers in front of his colleague's face. Snapping out of his daze, Mark looked at Burke blearily. "Sloan."

"Yeah?"

"Stop staring at Dr. Moore."

"I was not!" Laughing, the cardiothoracic surgeon pressed the button again. "What-"

"You looked like a lost puppy." The man added as an afterthought.

"No I wasn't even - Okay, you know what? I hate you." When the elevator doors opened, Mark nearly tripped. His legs felt warm and gooey as did the rest of his body. Entering the elevator first, he spotted the Chief, his hair an unfamiliar black color. Slowing down, he stared at it intensely.

"What happened to your hair?" Burke asked bluntly, pressing the elevator button to close the doors. Addison cleared her throat, not lifting her eyes from the article she was reading.

"Leave him be,"

"He dyed it." The words slipped out of his mouth before he could stop them, the pure shock in his voice surprising even him.

"But why?" Derek asked before Addison whacked him in the arm.

"Leave him be," She hissed as he winced, whispering back at her.

"Okay, but why?" Burke cocked his head when Webber finally looked at him and Mark smirked, eyebrows knitting together, trying to figure it out.

"Men who have grey hair are noticed less than men who don't," he explained reluctantly as the attendings all shared looks.

"By who?" Four pairs of eyes fixed on Derek as he glanced back at Mark and Burke, trying to contain a smile. He raised his eyebrows and nodded slowly before eyeing the Chief. Mark scrunched up his face, trying to keep it neutral and failing.

"Well…"

"By the ladies?" A fit of laughter bubbled in Mark's chest before he could reel it back in but when the Chief sent him a dead look, he started to cough. Addison sent him a glare and he cleared his throat before Derek nodded.

"Looks good, Chief."

"Oh, very natural." Burke agreed as Mark pulled at his ears to hide the color of red that marred his skin. The redhead noted their teasing and pushed them back against the wall of the elevator, a chastising tone filling her voice.

"He is _alone,_ " she started lowly, "All alone. Do any of you even know what that's like?" she asked, meeting their gazes as their smiles faded. "Lives with Cristina," she addressed to Burke before turning to Derek, "dates the perfect twelve year old," she continued. Mark smirked at Derek and his eye twitched, like they were friends, "Man-whore,"

"Well, actually," Burke began with a impudent smile, "he's with-" Mark stomped on the cardiothoracic surgeon's foot, _hard._ "Ow! What was that for?"

"What was _that_ for?" The man whispered furiously as Derek furrowed his brow at the attending.

"The point is, his wife left him after twenty-five years of marriage. So if the man wants to dye his hair for the ladies, let him dye his hair for the ladies. Leave him be," she finished, glaring at Derek who over-exaggeratedly mouthed ' _alright'_. Whipping around, she exited the elevator followed by the Chief.

"You and who know?" Derek asked with a slight smile.

"He's adorable," Burke defended with a cheeky smile and Mark ducked his head. "You should have seen Sloan. Melted into a little puddle at the sight of her," he added with a faux simper.

"I'll believe it when I see it. Mark Sloan, no longer a man-whore?"

"I hate you, both of you. That is not true." Laughing, Burke elbowed him in the ribs even as Mark scowled. "You're both dead to me," he assured with a tight smile. The elevator doors opened again and the neurosurgeon left with another wiggle of his eyebrows. As soon as the doors closed, Mark stomped on Burke's foot again.

"Ow!"

.

Closing the book of Boardman's Neurosurgery, she sighed and saw Mark staring at her. Smiling, she headed over to him along with her book. The fact that he was still planning to leave without telling her lingered in her mind, having been pushed far back after their reconciliation.

"Hey," she said with a cock of her head. "Uh, about what happened. I just heard Meredith say something and… I just want to know-"

Her sentence was cut off by her pager and she stopped hopelessly, gazing at the device at her waist.

"Is it something important?" Gazing at him, she shook her head and bit her lip, inhaling slightly.

"No. It can wait," she said, gazing at her textbook. "Mark, can you put this in my locker?"

"I don't even know which one that is," he protested as she began to walk away, taking off her pager and clicking it to silence the beeping. "Moore, wait!"

"I'll text you the details," she called over her shoulder, waving a hand. "I gotta go to triage training!" Mark stared at the textbook, not having touched it since his years in residency.

It could wait. The important thing was he wasn't leaving.

.

"What happened?"

"John Doe in his mid-forties. He's got a broken arm, large scarring on his face and neck and a blocked airway from inhaling the smoke. There's a large lac on his head and I'm worried about head injuries. Crush injuries to the chest and legs. We had to intubate in the field," Emily reported as she hopped off the rig. B.P. has been stable ever since giving him a litre of fluid."

Dr. Webber nodded as she kept a hand on the patient's shoulder, squeezing the ambu bag. Suddenly there was a loud beep and her eyes darted to the monitor she had hooked up earlier.

"He's crashing. We've got to get him to an O.R. Page cardio and neuro, we need to find whatever's bleeding." The Chief grabbed his flashlight and shone it in his eyes as Emily began CPR. "His pupil's blown. Alright, charge to 250. Moore, the paddles." Pulling back, she placed the paddles against the man's chest.

"Clear!"

Nothing. He's in v-fib. Put one of epi and charge to 300."

"Clear!" The jolt of the body shook in her arms as the electricity surged through the man's body.

Still nothing. Rubbing the paddles together, she was about to place it again when the monitors began to beep.

"We have sinus tach. Alright, Moore, let's get him to the O.R." Nodding, she placed the paddles back near the machine and helped push the gurney towards the elevator.

.

"Someone find me a copy of Boardman's Neurosurgery!" the Chief called and Mark approached his boss, leaning in beside him.

"Moore has a copy of Boardman's Neurosurgery. I have it in my locker." Mark said, eyebrows knitting together. "Everything okay?"

"You know anything about making burr holes?" Richard asked, lowering the phone from his ears. Mark, who had scrubbed in multiple times with Derek, a renowned brain surgeon, said yes.

"Done it a couple times."

"Good. Don't go anywhere, and get me that copy." Nodding, he pulled away to grab Moore's copy, luckily enough the one she had left in his possession.

.

"It's Meredith?" she gasped, running to the doors. Through the window pane, she could see Derek sitting in the hall. Placing her hand against the glass, she closed her eyes and could almost see a pale, blue-skinned Meredith with tangled hair and a still chest. "No. It isn't. It's not her."

"Em, it is."

"You don't know that, George!" Tearing off her scrub cap, she walked away from the door, tilting her head back and dragging her hands over her face.

"How did this happen? We - she was fine when I left and-"

"She got knocked off the pier," Izzie said but Emily couldn't stop her pacing. "That's the word going around. That she drowned."

"We can't lose Meredith," Emily whispered, eyes meeting Izzie's. "We can't."

"We won't."

Staring through the glass, the three interns were all silent. Emily kept pacing, unable to say anything. She was still wearing her surgical gown and she couldn't place the feeling it gave her. It was almost comfort as she walked back and forth, trying to wrap her head around the fact that this _happened._ How did this happen?

There was nothing they could say nor do and for moments, Emily wanted to drown herself. Cristina reached them, a panicked mask across her face. "It's Meredith?" They said yes. "Are you sure? Did you see her? Because it could be-"

"It's Meredith," Alex confirmed, grabbing her arm. The woman looked as if she wanted to fight back before deciding against it. The man let go quickly as Cristina spotted the two attendings, Mark and Derek, sitting in the hall. Emily pressed herself against the door and she felt like crumbling.

"They said she… she drowned."

"Oh. _Oh._ " Izzie noted her speechlessness and took her in the arm in a comforting way.

"She will come through this." The blonde started, her eyes glassy as George muttered that she didn't know that quickly. "She will come through this."

"People die," George added as Izzie turned to the brunet.

"I know people die," the woman said in a hard voice. Emily looked down from where she leaned against the doorframe. "People die in front of us everyday. But I believe Meredith will survive this. I believe… I believe - I…" The blonde trailed away, breaking her gaze from the brunet and staring forward again. "I believe in the good. I believe that it's been a hell of a year and I believe that in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary, we will all be okay. I believe a lot of things. I believe that Denny is always with me." They all glanced up at her; this was the first time the blonde had spoken of her dead fiancé so calmly.

"And I believe that if I eat a tub of butter and no one sees me, the calories don't count. And I believe surgeons who prefer staples over stitches are just lazy." She turned to George as Emily rubbed her own arm. "And I believe," the blonde said softly, "that you are a man who made a terrible mistake marrying Callie and I believe that because I'm your best friend, I can tell you this and we'll be okay. I believe even though you made this mistake, you will be okay." His eyes were hard as he stared at his best friend. "I believe we survive, George. I believe that believing we survive is what makes us survive."

Cristina had a hand to her jaw, face wracked with worry as Izzie pulled her into a hug. Standing at the glass of the door, Emily raised a hand to touch the cold material and it was like the life was sucked out of every single one of them. As she stared at Derek's cold, shivering body, she knew that he had already given up.

.

"You're donating blood too?" Mark asked as he settled in the bed next to Emily. She looked up briefly before smiling.

"Yeah." She glanced at the needle in her arm, filling the tube full of blood as she squished the ball in her hand. "How's Meredith?" Her eyes narrowed as he hesitated to answer.

"Still down," he finally said honestly. A weight settled on her chest at his words but she nodded gratefully. "Moore, she'll pull through."

"You don't know that. I know how the body works, how someone dies. I _know_ the science." Her voice wanted to waver but she forced it to go flat. A nurse came to offer a cookie and juice as well as to remove the needle. "Thank you." Sitting up, she swung her legs to the side to face Sloan. He was already hooked up but stared up at her, sympathetic. "You're giving me a face,"

"What face?"

"The one where we tell someone that their loved one has died," was her blunt answer. "Don't give me that face." He dropped the mask, adopting a more somber look. "That isn't better," she muttered, unwrapping the cookie and tearing a bit off. Popping it into her mouth, she stood and moved to jump onto his bed, letting it bounce under her weight. He smiled before taking the juice in his free hand and opening it. "Hey! Orange is my favorite!"

"It's mine, too." He ripped open the wrapper and stuck in in the hole of aluminum, taking a sip before offering it to her. Chuckling weakly, she took it and took a long sip as well. "Refreshing?" She nodded. "Feel better?" She shrugged. Opening his free arm, he let her lie beside him, tucking her warm body against his. When her hand curled into a fist on his chest, he felt light-headed, wrapping a larger hand around hers. "Remember you had something to ask me before all of this?"

"I did. It's just we never seem to have time." He let go of her hand, stroking her chin. She sighed, relaxing against him. "It's not important, anyways."

"It is if you sound like that," he whispered and she tilted her head up at him.

"It's just-" Her sentence was cut off as her pager started beeping. "It's Meredith."

"You're right. Never enough time for just us," he said quietly. She crawled off the bed. The warm contentment of her by his side was enough as she swallowed the rest of her cookie and left him the remaining juice. His mind however, couldn't help but wonder if there was _more_ before his heart dashed those thoughts.

There were things that were more important. One of her best friends was dying.

There just wasn't enough time.

.

"So, she's okay?" Mark asked, crossing his arms and sitting beside Addison. As he watched Derek and Meredith talk, he couldn't help but ache for that easy familiarity they shared as the redhead beside him sighed.

"Yeah." The neurosurgeon's fingers danced over Meredith's wrists as they spoke. "We never had that. He never… felt that way about me." Mark was quiet for a moment, pondering over his words as a brunette approached the room hesitantly, knocking on the door. There was a book under her arm, Broadman's Neurosurgery, and he smiled sadly. He had given it to her earlier that night.

"I did."

"Can I come in?"

"Yes, of course," Derek said. Emily grinned, pulling up a chair on the same side of the bed. They talked for a moment, Meredith nodded, and Derek even laughed. His heart squeezed as she opened the book and began to read as Meredith settled into her bed even more. Emily was reading Meredith to sleep. Something about that was completely heart-seizing.

When Emily paused in her reading to glance out the window, they met eyes and Mark made himself promise that he'd go sixty days the moment Addison made the proposal. Just to practice when he finally managed to catch Moore's attention. He was in it for the long haul the moment she looked his way.

.

"Meredith, you're awake, finally," Emily breathed, upon seeing her wake. She herself had just woken up after falling asleep by her bedside. Meredith smiled tiredly at her before pressing a finger to her lips and glancing at Derek, who was clutching his girlfriend's hand and sleeping soundly on the other side of her. He had moved after there ended up not being enough space on Emily's side. "Right." Checking her phone, she winced but came closer. "It's like four AM."

"Are you and Sloan shacking up yet?" she asked hoarsely, clearing her throat. Burning a bright scarlet, Emily ducked her head. "So you do like him."

"Don't tell anyone." The admission was quiet. "Is that bad since he's a man-whore?" the brunette asked softly a moment later, pulling at her fingers. Meredith looked at her with sympathy and reached forward to grasp her hand.

"Maybe. I don't know," Meredith confessed, "I'm not good with matters of the heart." An ironic smile curved both of their lips as they shared a quiet chuckle. "Don't get your heart broken. I know you can't help who you fall in love with, but-"

"I don't love him," she quickly corrected, looking at the floor. "But everything is easier said than done, Mer."

"Grey," a masculine voice interrupted them and she whipped around to see Mark. "How ya feeling?" It was like his blue eyes were smoldering her, peeling layers of her off until she was nothing.

"Better." He sighed in relief, coming into the room and stopping beside Emily. She could feel his heat and looked up at him. He placed a hand on her head, brushing back hair from her face. "Are you taking her home?"

"She's had a hell of a day thanks to you."

"I never said being a dirty mistress was easy," she rasped and he scoffed with a smile.

"You worried the hell out of me," she said and she felt Mark's hand on her shoulder as Emily held onto Meredith's hand, bringing it to her chin. "Don't do it again."

"No promises." Checking her stats, Emily sighed and stood, leaning forward and hugging her carefully. "Get out of here. You need to sleep,"

"Okay. Make sure you get enough sleep, too."

"I will." The blonde waved weakly farewell as Emily and Mark exited the room, the textbook in Mark's hand after he scooped it up from the brunette. The plastics surgeon sighed, exhausted. He had come by to check on her before leaving for the Archfield, having made the last rounds of his shift. As they waited for the elevator, he turned to her.

"What did you want to ask?" he inquired and the elevator doors opened. She stepped in, rubbing at her eyes.

"All that matters now is that you're staying," she stated softly, an answer all together. The wind knocked out of him at her words and he was left sputtering. "I just don't understand why you didn't tell me. Even though we weren't talking, I thought you'd at least tell me if you were eve thinking about moving back to New York," she whispered. "Give me some time to prepare losing a friend, y'know?"

"Oh, jailbait," he breathed, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. She crashed into him and he simply embraced her in the elevator. "I didn't think. I was never gonna leave without at least trying to make up with you first." Her breath fluttered against his chest as he gently stroked her back. "And you wouldn't lose me."

"Yeah. Leave me with just Alex again, why don't you?" she retorted, slightly bitter and his lips pressed against her hairline. "Mark, you have to tell me."

"I will. I won't ever go unless I have your written consent," he teased and he felt her palm push him away.

"You're the worst," she declared as the doors opened. He trailed after her as they went to the locker room. "I hate you."

"You love me," he riposted, handing the textbook back to him. "I'll wait for you in the lobby, okay?" She nodded and he sighed, just taking her in. Taking her head into his hands, he tilted her head and kissed her forehead. "Don't take too long." When she raised her head again, there was a hint of a smile.

"Okay."

.

"Can you do it? Sixty days, no other women?" Emily asked teasingly as he got on the elevator. He rolled his eyes, brushing off the rain on his jacket. "I'm being serious," she added, catching his arm in her hand as the doors closed. A slight pull at the corners of her lips had her wearing a frown as he shrugged.

"I know I can," he said confidently and she smiled.

"That's good. So, about Colin Marlowe, I wish you good luck with that." She glanced up at the floors as he sighed. "Do you even really want Chief? Now?"

"Yeah, of course."

"So it's not something you want just 'cause Derek wants it?" she said and he nodded. "Just checking."

"I wanna be Chief someday. Maybe it'll be me, maybe it won't. Figure I'd try anyways. Won't be too crushed if I don't get it." She hummed in understanding and he looked at her. "I may have to remove orbital bone today. Wanna scrub in?"

"That's favouritism and no. I'm with Addison. You have Alex," the brunette said as they reached the O.R. floor. Said redhead was leaning against the O.R. nurses station, looking pretty as ever as Mark sent her a smile. Emily had to pull back the frown that was going to appear on her face as she nodded to her attending.

"Dr. Montgomery, do you need me to do anything?" she asked as cordially as she could. The redhead shook her head with a smile, "Are you sure?"

"Of course, Dr. Moore. Just monitor Mrs. Hicks for any bleeding and make sure the wound is patched up." Nodding, she turned around to hide her face. Mark was leaning against the counter and he was focused on Addison. Something vile crawled up Emily's throat as she walked away as fast as she could. She really needed to clear her head.

.

"Moore, let's go," the attending ordered as her pager blared. "Oh, damn it, Mark." She muttered under her breath as they raced to the O.R. where they were operating on the Jane Doe. Entering the scrub room, they tied on their masks and scrubbed in, being gowned by nurses as they entered the sterile room. The baby monitor was blaring a high-pitched beep.

Snapping on a pair of gloves, Addison sat in between her legs as Emily pulled on a pair of gloves as well. The patient was already prepped and Alex handed Emily the ultrasound wand. She squeezed some gel onto the stomach before moving it around, trying to find the right area. "That's good, Moore. Stop right there. Speculum," The tool was placed in her hand as the brunette readied the forceps. "Forceps." She raised her hand for the sutures and Emily threaded it quickly before handing it to the attending.

Glancing up, she looked at Mark at the head of the table, his eyes a dark color. He met her hazel gaze and it sent shudders down her spine as they waited. When the decels returned to normal, Addison pulled away, an angry mask covering her face. Standing, she took a few steps back.

"We're done here. Dr. Sloan, if I could speak to you when you're finished?"

"Fine."

Standing back, the attending glared at the patient as Emily kept her eyes on the ground. When the surgery was finally over - thank God for that _,_ the tension was as thick as fog - and the patient was closed, the two attendings stormed out of the O.R. after scrubbing out. Mark grabbed the chart as he left and he spared a final glance at Jane Doe. Alex and Emily shared a glance before following their attendings out of the room.

"You couldn't have waited one day?" Addison asked as Mark tore of his mask.

"She was forty percent vision compromised in her right eye. It would've been gone tomorrow."

"No, it wouldn't actually but there's a snazzy new Chief candidate marching around the hall today and you needed to be a hero." He looked away but she forced him to look at her, pointing at him, accusing. "That's what needed to happen today."

"The patient was fine, Addison. The baby's still in her uterus and she's not losing an eye." An ironic smile curled his lip as he continued, "Every surgery is risky. The patient chose this one." Addison glanced at them over Mark's shoulder, yelling at them to go check up on the patient. Karev put up his mask again, turning around and opening the door. He waited for Emily to follow but she stood frozen. Derek reached their little group, asking if there was anything wrong with Jane Doe.

"Em?" She turned away from the scene to see Alex. Shaking her head, she silently told him to go in. Shrugging, the other intern entered the room.

"Yeah, she can see, and Addison's got a problem with it." Derek crossed his arms as Addison shot back.

"He rushed her into surgery and she almost lost the baby. I had to _sew her cervix shut._ " She argued, slapping her palm with the side of her other open hand. The neurosurgeon met Emily's eyes and mouthed ' _go'_ but she shook her head minutely. Scrunching his brow, he returned back to the argument.

"The complications had nothing to do with the surgery."

"And why? Why do you think Mark moved so quickly, Derek?" Addison asked, turning to her ex-husband. "Do you think it's because a piece of the orbital bone was floating towards the brain?" Smiling a bit, Derek gazed at his ex-best friend.

"Well, I think it's because Mark wants a promotion," Nodding, Addison smiled triumphantly at Mark who fired back that Derek wasn't her husband any longer. That he had no right to voice his opinion because she wasn't his patient.

"Stay out of it!" He yelled, causing them all to stare at him, including the scrub nurses. Emily took a step forward before the commanding voice of the Chief came to reproach them. Dispersing, Derek slipped past Mark who stood frozen as Addison turned away, going the same way as the Chief.

"Mark?"

"What the hell did I just do?" he asked, turning around to face her.

"You saved her eye," she answered, a matter-of-factly and he rubbed his forehead. "You okay?" Taking a step closer, she slipped her hand into his limp one.

"This is killing me." A frown marred her features and she stepped closer, hesitantly invading his space and puzzled on what to do. When he raised his head, there was a war raging in his eyes and she sighed.

"Blueberry scones?" she suggested weakly. "I can show you where I got them last time." As if unknowing what to do, he took it and they made their way to the elevator as she pulled him closer in some act of comfort. Her blood burned at the contact but she ignored the sensation and the rampant thoughts and how much she wanted to push him against the wall and kiss him.

.

Mark didn't believe in God, or any god for that matter, but he did believe in angels in the form of people. When the brunette across from him took a bite of her scone, trying so hard to make him laugh and smile, he knew she was one of them. Her hair, tied up in a bun, still let slip some tendrils of hair that framed her face, her pink lips and hazel eyes. There were dimples in her cheeks, a small tiny scar near the corner of her eye. He wouldn't have noticed if he didn't stay up at night memorizing her face and voice. There were tiny imperfections that made his heart spudder to a halt because it made him realize that she was still human.

"You there, Sloan?" she teased and he smiled, taking the scone from his plate. In the sun, the light bounced off puddles and everything glittered off the fresh rain from hours before. They sat in the window seat of the café and he eagerly soaked up the sun as he took a bite. She had a faint blush on her cheeks as he nodded.

"Always."

"Good. Don't want you going anywhere," she said and he laughed, reaching over to rub away the melted chocolate from her lip. She bit that lower lip and he had to resist the urge to kiss away that smirk.

 **A/N: Edited - September 12, 2018**


	21. Qualified

Mark Sloan was allergic to coconuts and his middle name was Everett. Emily knew that off the top of her head. He was an affectionate man to his friends. He liked putting the jam first before the peanut butter on a sandwich and preferred orange juice as his favorite juice of choice. Anyone could know that. But she wondered if anyone truly knew his fidgets like she did. The little tidbits that made him so obviously Mark Sloan. She wondered if Addison knew how he held his scalpel; his middle finger more bent so the side of the blade rested on the flat part of his finger rather than the tip. Or how he really knew how to sing. His voice was pleasant to someone's ears as he sang the simplest melody. Or how he smiled - when he genuinely smiled, not that cocky smirk he gave to nurses - but one that reached his eyes and pulled at the corner of his lips. Or even how he liked scorching hot drinks and had the highest heat tolerance of anyone she had ever met. She knew all of that. _She did._ Emily knew that's why she qualified as a best friend.

Maybe it was because she knew his faults was why she didn't qualify for a girlfriend. It didn't matter, because she'd rather take him, faults and all, and to never touch, than to hold him in her arms and realize she didn't know a single thing about him.

.

Emily Moore was a dancer when she was in school. A ballerina, to be specific. He knew that. And her long, spindly fingers were from playing piano for so long. Mark also knew that. Her middle name was something she didn't like to talk about (It was London). He found it absolutely charming. Her favorite drink was brandy. Maybe a lot of people knew that because she had told them but he liked knowing things other didn't know. Like how she laughed at the most terrible, unfunny jokes alive or how she always smiled for the kids in the pediatric wing even when she was drop-dead tired after a forty-eight hour shift. Or how she was always a tomboy. He knew that she sometimes drew little cartoons for the specifically sick kids to make them laugh. He considered the possibility of anyone other than him knowing that the woman jiggled her leg restlessly when she was bored or that she had a two dimples on one cheek and one on the other, and didn't like it. Nor did he like thinking another person knowing when to stop her and take care of her because she was too selfless, to the point where she'd rather die than inconvenience someone. _There's always someone suffering worse_ , was one of her more poisonous sayings. He knew she was giving until there was nothing left to give and she'd still give more. But he… he knew all of that. _He did._ Mark knew that's why he qualified as a best friend.

He knew she was out of his league. It didn't matter, because he'd rather take her, in his life and in someone else's arms, than have her gone because he had sprung every thought he had about her on said brunette who was still an intern and had so much of her life ahead of her.

.

Mark Sloan made her insides coil and her skin to rise in goosebumps. It was never this bad until he told her that he was trying for sixty days - cold turkey. Every smile he gave seemed to be like adrenaline in her system and every hand he laid on her was like a scorching fire. When they were alone, it caused her tongue to twist and her breath to hitch at every double-meaning word he said. But whenever she saw him smile at Addison or share a laugh with her, it caused a foul taste to rise up in her throat and a heavy weight in her heart. So, whenever Alex offered to drink after shift, she never hesitated because she needed his blue eyes out of her head.

.

Emily Moore made his heart flutter uncharacteristically fast. She made his insides queasy and lightheaded. He didn't like how _essential_ she was to his life but he had to accept it because she was now everything. She was like the best parasite, the one who only stuck because they wanted to help you; a symbiotic relationship. Which was fine, because they were happy and he was finally getting the chance to fall in love with Addison even more. Until Emily always turned away from him when she saw Addison and she couldn't even meet his eyes. Until she began to hang out with Karev, began to say ' _I have plans with Alex'_ more times than she was willing to wait, not that he was counting. She was always… not smiling around Karev, but happy. Emily looked happy with Karev and he thought maybe they had found each other even when she had said they were just friends. Well, she was happy, he was happy. Simple math. That didn't mean it didn't hurt like hell when he imagined her body pressed up against someone else's or her charming smile directed at someone other than him.

.

Emily London Moore was born in June. Mark Everett Sloan was born in January. How fitting and utterly _annoying_ that their birthstones were of each other's eyes.

Emily was searching for the prince of her dreams. Mark was searching for the one who would stay.

He knew she was right in front of him; she deserved better and he knew she wouldn't love him back. She knew he was right in front of her; he would break her heart and he wouldn't love her back.

Mark thought she was extraordinary, out of this world. Emily thought he was astounding, ethereal.

He was the Han Solo to her Leia. She was the Hermione to his Ron. Then again, putting labels to what they were to each other felt wrong because they were undefinable.

.

"Hey, Alex. Set for drinks after shift?" Emily proposed as they left Ava's room, "Unless you're busy," she added with a tease and a glance at Ava.

"No, we're on for drinks still," he replied indifferently but a blush colored his cheeks. "Shut up,"

"I didn't say anything," She nudged him with her shoulder as they walked and he nudged her back.

"Hey, you okay?" He asked lightly but quietly, aware of the attending walking behind them. She shrugged, shoving her hands into her pockets. "Is it because of-"

"Yeah." She nodded, forcing herself to look forward. "Whatever."

"Drinks at seven."

"Drinks at seven."

.

"Why are we at this bar?" Emily asked as they settled at a booth. "What's wrong with Joe's?"

"We're here to look for hot guys." He flagged a waitress as she raised her eyebrows.

"I'm all for the rainbow, but-"

"Not for me, for you." The waitress took their orders for drinks and sashayed away, making sure Alex got a good view. "You need your mind off Sloan,"

"As I recall-" She held up a finger and peeled the shell of the nut, "drinking does that real well," He scoffed as the drinks arrived and he took a swig of beer- "And, his deal with Addison is none of my business," the brunette added.

"This is what I'm talking about." He said crossly as he gazed at the mass of people from their relatively quiet area. "No more talking about it." She tried protesting but he shushed her. "Okay, him." He pointed at a man with brown hair and strong jaw. He was drinking responsibly but a pretty blonde kissed him, "No… him?" A taller man with dark eyes and surrounded by friends.

Emily shook her head, scanning the bar area before noting a familiar man chatting to another younger woman. Smacking Alex with the back of her hand repeatedly, she turned to him. "Is that the Chief?" He followed her line of sight before it drifted to his right.

"Yeah, it is," the man confirmed, an impressed expression flitting across his face before spotting an even more familiar face. "Hide!" he hissed quickly, shoving her farther into the corner.

"Where do I go? Under the table?" she retorted before spotting the man. "Oh, shit." But it was too late and he was staring at her. Turning to Alex, she sent him a smile. "Tell me a joke to make me laugh."

"What?"

"Just do it, or tickle me. I have to laugh because I… I can't do this!" Looking frantically, he sneaked a hand around her waist and pressed against her skin, causing a genuine laugh. Then, getting in the mood, he kept swiping at her sides causing shrieks of laughter. When he finally stopped, she glanced at him, confused and out of breath, ribs hurting as she tried to inhale as much oxygen as she could. "Is he gone?"

"Yeah and he looked like he wanted to kill me. The things I do for my drinkin' buddy. You owe me another one." Sighing, she caught her breath and took a healthy swig of her brandy.

"I owe you for everything," she agreed and he smirked.

"You can start by getting me another beer."

.

 _:twenty-eight more days!:_

 _:arent you hyper?:_

 _:oh yeah cause then youll stop complaining about being horny:_

Mark smiled, could even imagine her rolling her eyes when his phone buzzed again.

: _btw, lots of cake in the conference room GET SOME ITS SO GOOD:_

 _:duly noted jailbait:_

 _._

"They're like this big." Mark gestured with his fists as he crouched down to grab the can of orange juice. "And it's a Candiru fish. Literally climbed up his pee." Emily laughed and he couldn't help but remember that she laughed like that with Karev as she leaned against him, his arms around her waist just weeks ago. The taste of bile in his mouth, he popped open the can and took a swig to get rid of it before his eyes flickered down to her lips and he wondered what it would taste like to just steal a kiss from the brunette with pretty eyes.

"That's disgusting," She popped a bite of cake into her mouth before pressing her lips into the fork as she pulled it out. "Want some?" she offered, "Vanilla buttercream and…" She paused thoughtfully. "White chocolate but I'm not sure. It's really good though," Taking the offered fork, he took a big piece and chewed on it thoughtfully. Chuckling, he agreed with a nod that it was fantastic before taking a finger and dipping it in the frosting, smearing it across her nose. Laughing, she shoved cake in her mouth as he retaliated with another stroke near her lip. Her tongue flicking out to catch the taste, she watched as he glanced down the hall. Addison's messy figure stumbled out of a room, followed by Alex Karev. A hard weight settled in his heart as a tentative hand touched his arm. Turning to Emily, he stared at her.

"It's not going to work out, Addison and I," he muttered hoarsely and she frowned, biting her lip.

"What do you mean?" she asked, letting the fork drop on her plate and scratching her head, ruffling her curls in the process. "Mark?" The brunette peered around his figure to see Alex and Addison bump into each other again. " _Oh_." Turning her gaze back to Mark, she didn't say anything.

"I've got to go scrub in," he said, voice like steel as he brushed past her.

"Mark, wait."

"See you later, Moore." Blinking, Emily whipped around to stare after him.

"Yeah," she murmured, "I have to study anyways."

.

"She doesn't want me," Mark muttered to Meredith, whose eyes were alight with amusement at his past attempt to pass at her. "Something's gotta help."

"Emily wants you," the blonde replied as she turned off the sink. Reeling back, he stared at her, "Besides, revenge sex is not the answer. If you're letting her go, let her go." He sighed heavily, staring distantly at the floor as her tone became softer. "Be an adult. And I'm not playing with you," she added as an afterthought, making him look at her. "I'm not joking around. Em's really… she's smitten with you. You've caused her a lot of heartache."

"Nah," he denied, standing straight. "She can't be." _She's way out of my league._

"She is. You aren't as blind as that, Mark. You need to get her before she's gone," the woman added with a smile as the attending spun around and flung open the door, running down the hall. Stopping by the nurse's station, he found her studying behind under the O.R. board as she flipped through her notes.

"Jailbait," he managed to say but it was so quiet he wasn't sure she heard. Of course, she did. Looking up, she paused the pencil in her hand. "How's the studying going?" Amused, she shrugged and he came over but with every step, something in his heart tightened, like he was being squeezed. She stacked her books up as he sat down beside her. There were the beginnings of eye bags and he sighed.

"I think I'm good but it never harmed anyone to study more. What's up?" He shrugged, at a loss of words. "Are you okay? With the Addison and Alex thing?"

"Fine," he whispered and they stared at each other for a moment. Their faces were mere inches apart and she never failed to hold his gaze. "Like I said months ago, it's better with you." A soft grin appeared on her face and his eyes scanned those eyes and those lips.

"It's better with you, too," she said warmly and he felt the truth in her words. He rested her jaw against his bent index finger, thumb brushing her jawline.

" _You've caused her a lot of heartache."_

"Mark," she breathed his name as he gathered his courage to kiss her. Leaning forward, he felt his heart beat so loud it was like the loudest rock n' roll concert ever except inside of him. He could feel her breath, but then…

Every nerve of him _rage_ at how she pulled away, as if she didn't want it. Shattered, he drew back, face hot with shame. Was Meredith lying? "No. You love Addison and this isn't a deal." Her eyes slid closed as she bit her lip. "I can't. I don't want you like this." Her breathing hitched and she stacked her books, getting up as quickly as she could.

"I don't lo-"

She cut him off, face hidden away as she began down the hall. "Goodnight, Dr. Sloan."

.

"Mark…" His mind was reeling from that encounter as he climbed the stairs. He could barely register Addison's voice but when he saw her, he paused at the plane, hands tucking into his pockets. "We need to, um… we should go get a drink, um, and maybe talk. Do you have some time?"

He could barely nod. She sighed as he stared at her. Once upon a time, she was the one he loved, maybe he still loved her a bit, but he couldn't help but see the breaking in those hazel eyes.

"I mean, uh, just something's always wrong with you and me…" He mulled over her words, still stunned silent. Glancing down, he knew her words to be right. And he was done trying to fix something that was never meant to have been there in the first place.

A piercing stare rested on his cheek and he looked away, to the quiet night of the hospital and saw her there, sitting at the computer. When he caught her, she didn't look away.

"You don't want to have a drink with me," he said, tearing his gaze away from her. Shaking his head, he stared into those blue eyes he once found the world in. "I'm not what you're looking for." She had the gall to act confused, eyes widening slightly and her head shaking slightly. He built the lie in his mouth, constructed it so it came out flat and even the minute she asked the question. There was only one way to end this, one way to say _you're not the one_ anymore. To fit in the stereotype had never been more in his favour and he wished it didn't.

"What… are you talking about?"

"I slept with someone," he said. "Couldn't hold out." Her eyes searched his, searched for the lie but he kept his stare dead forward. "Once a man-whore, always a man-whore, right?" Turning away, he walked up the stairs before she could have a chance to say anything. There was undoubtedly a light to his heart. He was free.

So why did he feel so goddamn terrible?

 **A/N: Edited - September 13, 2018**

 **Next: Emily turns to Meredith for advice as Cristina's wedding and the intern exam loom over their heads.**


	22. Promise

**A/N: This is by far my new favourite chapter I've rewritten. Lots of EmMark goodness.**

Emily knocked on the door, bursting in as soon as Izzie opened the entrance into Meredith's grand house. Toeing off her shoes, she ran up the stairs with a quick 'hello' to Izzie. The blonde looked bewildered at her friend's appearance but said nothing, only clutched her coffee and returned to the kitchen. She nearly crashed into Alex as he exited the bathroom and opened Meredith's door.

"Meredith, I need you." The blonde started, opening her eyes wider. She was clearly awake but Emily's presence seemed to have made her even more alert.

"What's up?" she asked with a yawn and she jumped into bed, bundling herself up.

"I'm in love with Mark Sloan," she confessed in a rush, her heart pounding against her ribs at the sentence. This was the first time she had said it aloud. The realization, Emily reflected last night, was always there, but when she had tore herself away from the chance to kiss him, she knew for sure. She loved him. She _loved_ him. The mere fact still took her breath away. "And he loves Addison."

Meredith was quiet for a moment, and then turned to her amongst her pillows. "Maybe he does, but not as much as he cares for you. How did you even come to this?"

"He tried to kiss me," she admitted.

"And why didn't you let him kiss you?"

"Because he loves Addison? Because… I don't want someone who's in love with someone else," she murmured and Meredith sighed, flopping her hands on top of the covers. "But I want him anyways."

"Well, if he wanted to kiss you, maybe he wants you."

"Or, maybe he's confused."

"Or, maybe you should stop making excuses," Meredith exclaimed. "Maybe you should stop selling yourself short. I don't even know how you've managed to stay single but you know, it figures that the moment some roguish debonair shows up, he's all over you." The blonde smiled and Emily groaned, sinking deeper into the covers.

"He's not all over me."

"He brings you coffee almost every morning." Emily didn't deny that. "It's weird but I can see you guys together," she added under her breath and the brunette closed her eyes. "Just talk to him. Communicate." Snorting, Emily pushed herself back up.

"I communicate just fine. It's him that needs to communicate."

"Well, from what I'm hearing, it sounds like both of you need to _communicate_ ," teased Meredith and Emily took one of the pillows she was leaning on and whacked her friend in the face.

.

"Freakin' stupid cotton-candy coloured bridesmaids." Turning around, she glared at Cristina before taking a mental snapshot of the pale pink skirts. Normally, she'd text Mark but with the terms they're on…

She sighed.

There was a ding from her phone and she took it from the couch nearby and flipped it open.

 _:just wondering where you are:_

Mark. The thought of him made her warm and soft and even _sad._ Something about him was so heartbreaking and addicting and sorrowful and….

And she loved him anyway.

 _:at the bridesmaid shop trying on dresses for the wedding:_

 _:youre a bridesmaid?:_

 _:im a bridesmaid:_

: _cant wait to see you:_

She didn't respond to that, staring at the messages hopelessly. Dropping the phone into her lap, she leaned farther into the cushions. Her phone vibrated.

 _:can we talk?:_

For a moment, her fingers hovered over the keypad and then she closed her phone with a snap, getting up and heading over to Izzie and Callie.

.

Mark checked his watch. _The intern exam would've ended a few minutes ago,_ he realized. An intern would arrive soon, assigned to his service. They'd know to find him in the scans room again. Since Burke won, he had extra time to figure out if the amputations were needed. His eyes wandered over the scans, not really seeing them when there was a light knock on the door. Glancing to his right, he saw Emily come in with a gentle smile.

"Hello, Dr. Sloan," she whispered, closing the door behind her.

'Dr. Moore," he returned, trying to imagine her in a dress. Not like her prom dress, but one more straight to the floor instead of expanding like an upside flower, simple, elegant. Absolutely radiant. "How was your exam?"

"I'm pretty sure I passed." Standing beside him, she shoved her hands into her lab coat pockets. His feelings weighed on his chest like a goddamn bowling ball until he was sure it'd crush his ribs, but still he forced a smile. "Bailey assigned me here so whaddya got?" He pointed at the scans, focusing on them as she frowned. "He's going to lose both hands?" she asked. He looked at her, his arms crossed before shrugging.

"No. Not until we go in, we won't know for sure," he informed before taking the scans and putting them into a large folder. "Listen…" he tried to say something again, and she turned towards him, a slight smile curving her lips.

"Look, Mark, I… we don't have to talk about it." She focused on the scans once more, her face heating up and he sighed. "You were just - _we_ were just tired. I was stressed for my intern exam and that's all. We're still friends, right?" she asked, almost nervous.

" _I can't. I don't want you like this."_ Those words echoed in his ears and he knew she was lying through her teeth. Swallowing, he shook his head.

"No, we're not _just_ friends," he said and she turned to look at him as he walked to the door. Her stare burned on his back as he opened the door. Leaving the room, he heard the door click shut and open once more as she followed behind him, quiet.

They needed to see their patient.

.

There was a ring of the doorbell and Emily got up from the kitchen table to get it. There was a strong tension in the air after Izzie's speech between the blonde and Callie. Standing there was Mark and she raised an eyebrow, opening the the two doors.

"Can we talk?" Biting her lip, the brunette debated on saying no but when her eyes met his, they begged for her to come with him. Nodding, she slipped her feet into her shoes and stepped outside. Closing the door behind her, she inhaled sharply. It was not quite freezing but cold enough for her hair to stand on end and her arms to wrap around herself. He immediately shed his leather jacket.

"Mark, wait-" Sighing, knowing it was useless, she let him drape it around his shoulders before jerking her head down the steps. The two of them stepped off the porch and she turned to him expectantly. "How'd you know I'd be here?"

"I didn't. It was a guess since I heard Grey talk about something happening at her house." Raising an eyebrow, Emily glanced at the door longingly, already missing the warmth within. "I just wanted to talk to you but you've been avoiding me."

"I had studying to do, plus I'm an intern. I'm always busy," she said, voice flat as a board. "Mark, what do you want? If it's to get nurses to actually work with you again, I can't do that. I think you slept with every nurse I'm actually friends with."

"I want you." Taking a step back, she nearly lost her grip on his jacket. She couldn't have heard that right. He didn't say that, he didn't feel that way, he-

"You've become everything in my life," he continued, "and it scares the shit out of me. You… what I feel for you scares me. Every part of me wants you. You're someone who I can't ever forget and don't want to forget and all I ever think about is you. It's always been you. Everything's better with you" He took a deep breath as she stood there, shocked. Her mouth felt like it was moving but she wasn't quite forming words. "And I think… I think that no one has ever come back to save me before. No one has ever come back for me like you have and I need you. I need _you_ and I can't live like this, where we don't talk."

"Mark-" The one word came out strangled as she squawked it out.

"I know. I know I just sprung this on you but I can't hold this back anymore. Addison and I, we're just friends. Not friends with benefits or any of that. I don't love her anymore. I don't love her." His eyes searched her slack-jawed face, waiting for any kind of sign of life but she was too - her heart was beating too fast for her to formulate a coherent sentence. "Ever since I met you, I think… I think you're the reason why. Because I don't love her. I'm falling in love with _you._ "

"You aren't 'falling in love' with me," she finally said after a long pause. She chose every word carefully, deliberated to not hurt his feelings and kept her sentences to a minimum. But Mark wanted her honest truth even if it shattered him. He wasn't afraid, not when it came to her. "You don't - It's not what you think."

"What do _you_ think?" he asked quietly and she looked up at him with those clear hazel eyes. They were somber, dejected and miserable.

"I think that you're confused. That you… are just lonely and I've been here since you came here and we are good friends. That's what I think. That we're best friends. That I care for you and you mistook it for love. That's what I think."

"That's it?" he whispered, lost. She nodded firmly to herself. Every lie had burned her tongue with its vile poison and she could feel the tight grip around her throat squeeze even harder.

"That's it." Pulling his jacket off her shoulders, she dropped it into his hand and walked back up the steps. As Mark let her words sink in, he tried to pick apart her wods, tried to understand. This wasn't like her. She… she felt it too. It couldn't be just him. So he stuck out on a limb and asked.

"What are you so afraid of, Em?" The wood stopped squeaking under her shoes and he knew she heard him. He heard her heave a sigh then descend back down the stairs. Her hand tapped on his shoulder and he turned around expectantly. Her face was flush from the cold as her breath rattled like broken window blinds. There was a sheen to her eyes and she sniffed, rubbing at her nose.

"My mom left. So did my dad. Don't know if they're dead or alive. My brother's halfway across the world and I don't know if he's coming back. My in-laws live in Boston. I had three serious relationships in my life." She forced a smile but it dug into her cheeks like lasers, unnaturally sharp. "One broke up with me because I just wasn't enough and that was fine." A lie. He knew her well enough to know when she was dishonest. "The second one was the guy I lost my virginity to. The last one was the reason I even went to med school. I got to where I was and then he left me.

I moved here all alone because I didn't want to give myself the chance to see him at New York Presbyterian. I'm still alone and… I never thought I'd be Cristina's bridesmaid or Alex's friend or find people here. I never thought that I'd have found someone like you."

"Em-"

"It terrifies me, feeling what I feel for you. You… terrify me. You want to know what I'm so afraid of? Everyone leaves." Her voice cracked like glass, eyes to the ground. Her whole body shook, hands trembling as she wrapped herself up in her arms. He once more cloaked her in his leather jacket and tucked her into his side. "I found you. You're my best friend, and somewhere along the way, you became more than that. I thought I would never find what I wanted again after my last boyfriend left me for dead."

"And, did you find it?" Mark asked, voice tinted with a pink shade of pure hope. Her arms wrapped around his waist and she shook her head. His heart immediately sunk.

"No, but I found what I needed," she whispered and it was like two pieces slid into place. She raised her head and he found himself staring into tear-filled eyes. Cupping her face with a hand, he wiped away stray tears before she moved her head back to his chest, listening to his heart.

"I found what I needed too," he whispered into her hair and she sniffed, burying her face into his shirt. _I love you,_ he thought fondly, lips pecking her hairline before drawing away. "I'd never leave you, you know? You're too hard to let go of."

"Promise?" she asked and he nodded, pressing their foreheads together. Her breath smelt of wine, well-aged and rich and her hair was the fragrance of spring.

"Promise."

"I think I get my intern exam results back soon," she said by way of invitation and he smiled when her head raised to stare up at him. Leaning down, his lips pressed against her forehead.

"We'll see together." Mark pulled away and she reached for his hand, desperate for him not to go. "I'm not leaving you. Burke has his bachelor's party and I have to get back soon. I told them I was checking up on a patient. But I'll text you and I'll call you. Okay?" He met her eyes, eyebrows raised and she smiled, pulling his jacket tighter around her shoulders. With a farewell wink, he walked back to his car.

.

"Mark!"

He looked up lazily from his charts to see her, stunning, magnificent, in a rich chocolate dress. She had a faint blush on her face as her eyes ran over his figure. He was already in a suit, pitch black, and a tie around his neck to bring out his eyes. Giggling, she took his hands and pulled him into the nearest on-call room. Something crinkled and in her hands was an envelope. Her exam results, he realized. Flipping on the light, he sat down on the bed to admire this woman.

"How do I look?" With a sweetheart neckline and a sash around her waist that tied into a bow by her hip, the silky brown fabric flowed down from her waist. Mark whistled and she laughed, teasingly twirling around herself. "Okay?"

"More than okay, jailbait," he whispered. "You are… the most beautiful thing I have ever seen."

"Now, you're just lying," she mumbled, rubbing the back of her neck. Her hair was up in a updo, pinned by a single hair stick but there were strands of hair framing her face. He stood up, taking her in his arms. His eyes searched hers and he bit his lip. Her lips were barely parted, glossy pink and plump as her breath fanned over his face like a fluttering breeze.

"I never lie," he murmured and she snorted, closing her eyes for a moment before brushing his nose with hers. In her heels, it was much easier to catch the faintness of his cologne and the scent of his body wash beneath. "The exam results, Em," he managed to say but it came out strangled as she tore herself out of his scent.

"Right." Tearing open her envelope, she felt her hands tremble in anticipation as she placed a hand on the paper. Taking a deep breath, she glanced at Mark. "If I don't pass?"

"You're still my best friend," he said and she nodded to herself before pulling open that sheet of paper. She gave herself three seconds before forcing her eyes open and unfolding the paper. She couldn't even comprehend the numbers and when her speechlessness caused Mark's worry to multiply by a sizable amount, the paper was ripped away from her hands. The paper fluttered to the floor and he scooped her up, the biggest smile on his face.

"You passed!"

"I passed!" she sputtered out and then there was laughter, bubbling in their chests and spilling out their mouths. Pulling back, she had the brightest smile he'd ever seen and her hand curled against his face before it wrapped around his neck and pulled him down.

Their lips met hard and fast. Her hands shot through his hair and his held her waist against his as he pushed against her mouth. She accommodated his move by letting him lead as his tongue pried her mouth open. Her soft moan made him pull back for air as one of her hands reached up to tug the stick out of her hair. The curls came tumbling down like a roaring waterfall.

"Mark," she breathed in a way that made him want her naked in his bed ASAP. Instead, he gorged himself on her taste that lingered in her mouth as he kissed her.

Never before had a kiss felt so right. Her hand found his cheek and his hand found her waist. For a moment, their harsh panting filled the room and then their lips reunited in such an intricate dance he knew he had to learn because this was something else.

This time, one hand fisted in her silky curls while the other held her close, every inch of his body against hers. The way her hips lurched when he tugged, the way she heaved for breath when they parted, eyes cloudy and misty, he knew he was a goner for this girl.

"I want you, all of you," he murmured, lips brushing against hers with every word. "Screw the wedding."

"Mark, I can't. I'm a bridesmaid, and even after - not now. Not when…" She trailed off and he understood. When there was a wedding for the woman they least expected to get married. When Yang needed her for whatever the aftermath was. Her friend needed her more than he did and he knew that. Still, he couldn't help but feel disappointed as her hazel eyes flickered up to meet his, shining burnished gold.

"Later," he said and she nodded, a hopeful smile playing on her lips.

"Are you willing to wait?" she asked, running a hand to down his suit. He nodded, cupping her neck.

"Yes." Her moon-like smile made him gooey inside and they embraced tightly. There was some unspoken agreement when they pulled back.

"We just never have the right timing."

"That'd make it boring, not fighting against the world," he said idly and she laughed, hand to his cheek. Her thumb brushed underneath his eye and he pecked her lips. "A congratulatory kiss. We're allowed those."

"And good morning kisses," she proposed and he laughed.

"Goodnight kisses."

"Just no hand-holding, sex, or kisses in front of the attendings."

"Sex in front of attendings? Risqué." She shot him a look and he nodded. "I know." Her hand roamed up his shoulder, dusting off some lint before coming back down to his chest.

"We're just the very best friends," she joked, adjusting his lapel and he sighed, searching her eyes. "And maybe, eventually, we'll get it right."

"Yeah. No leaving, no matter what happens."

"No leaving," agreed the brunette.

"Then, it's a deal," murmured Mark and Emily placed a hand on his shoulder, kissing him softly. It was quick, almost like a habit, and when she drew back, he raised his eyebrows.

"We seal deals with a kiss."

"Okay," he whispered before kissing her again.

.

"George?"

"You came back?" the brunet asked, surprised as he threw another item into a box.

"Uh, yeah. Cristina's off somewhere with Meredith and I thought I should find something to do until she's ready." Frowning at the box, Emily arched an eyebrow at her friend.

"I'm just doing some cleaning." There was something stiff about his words and when she saw the exam results on the bench, she picked it up and read it quickly. Closing her eyes, she tried to pretend she didn't read what she did but when her gaze found George's she knew she was right. "Are you doing your intern year again? Here?"

"It'd be humiliating and I can't. I'm sorry," he muttered.

"George," she pleaded, about to beg him to stay as the door opened. People poured into the locker room, the new interns. Looking up, they watched as a male complained about the smell.

"I'll definitely get that one. That's just my luck," she joked, turning back to the brunet. As the new interns spotted the older doctors, they quieted.

"Hi." Nodding their own greetings, they left, muttering excuses to check out the cafeteria. "They're not that bad, Em."

"Just you wait, that's only one group," the brunette replied, running a hand through her loose curls. She had redone her hair but now that that wedding was over, there wasn't a point. Placing a hand on his arm, she tried to smile but failed. "You _can_ do it again. I promise that none of us will tell the new interns. Please, will you just consider it?" the woman asked before George looked over her shoulder. Turning around, she saw a young woman with doe eyes looking nervously at them.

"Hey."

"Hi."

"We're the new interns," she explained.

"Clearly," Emily muttered dryly, earning a smack on the arm by George. Turning to him, she was glad that a slight smile was etched on his face.

"You both looked seasoned and wise. Got any advice?" she asked hopefully as George shook his head before taking out a clipboard.

"Learn how to do an appendectomy start to finish before your first day," he said. Emily went to her locker near George's, pulling out Mark's leather jacket. Sniffing it quietly, she inhaled what left of his scent before wrapping it around her shoulders and closing her locker. Shooting one last look at George, and with one last squeeze of his shoulder, she excused herself.

Opening the door to the exit, she left but let the door slowly click close, her ear near the slit. She heard the brunette wish George goodluck.

"My name is George."

"I'm Lexie. Lexie Grey." Blinking repeatedly, she tried to process those words as she walked away from the change room. A moment later, she heard the door open and close once again and she pulled the jacket sleeves on. It was large on her but comfortable in its scent when she heard a voice call her name.

"Excuse me?" Pausing, she turned around and saw Lexie at the end of the hall. "Dr…"

"Moore."

"Dr. Moore, where's the cafeteria?"

"It's on the first floor. Follow the signs, you'll find it." The younger woman nodded gratefully and Emily could almost see a bit of Meredith in her features. This _was_ her sister. Ah, but the brunette herself probably wanted to tell Meredith so Emily would keep her mouth shut. "See you in two weeks, Dr. Grey."

.

"Whatcha lookin' at?" Mark asked as he jumped onto the bed. Yelping, she held her laptop steady.

"Looking for plane tickets," she murmured, clicking through the cheapest Hawaii flights. "Burke chose to go to Europe but I'm tryna change it to something more relaxing for the 'honeymoon'. What do you think? Honolulu?" He hummed, tryna think. Her apartment bed was small but comfy as he scooted over her to grab the beer he left on her nightstand.

Draining it, he sighed and pecked the side of her head. Turning her head, Emily watched him get up and leave to put the bottle away.

"Oahu is good if you like the big city but Maui is a good balance between both. Yang will probably think it's too honeymoon-ey." She nodded, continuing to scroll down the page. "Are we going out tomorrow?" he asked when he returned, sitting on the edge of the bed and rubbing her calf near his legs.

"To where?"

"I dunno, to a place, as friends," he said with a shrug. She shot him a fond look and closed her laptop, placing it on the floor and crawling up the bed. Patting the space beside him, she waited for him to crawl up beside her before resting against him. Despite her fears, it was just so _easy_ to be with him.

Closing her eyes, she shrugged.

"I still haven't seen that many sights," he continued, an arm around her shoulders and playing with her hair as he took out his phone from his pocket and read emails on his blackberry. "Thoughts on a Mount Rainier day trip?" She muttered something incoherently under her breath and he smiled to himself. Carefully removing himself from the bed, he tucked her in and brushed hair away from her forehead, kissing her hairline. "We'll talk about it tomorrow," he whispered despite knowing she couldn't hear him and closed the door as soon as he turned off the lights.

Scooping up the leather jacket from her couch, he lay down on the couch, using it as a blanket, and quickly settled asleep, knowing she was just on the other side of the door.

.

"Have fun, okay?" Emily said as Meredith and Cristina lined up for their check-in. "Don't you dare get into a plane crash or drown or get run over." Mark rolled his eyes, shoving his hands into his pockets as the two women disappeared.

"So do I get you all to myself for two weeks?" he asked, ducking his head to whisper in her ear. Laughing, she shrugged. They made their way to the garage, bypassing people running to catch their flight and screaming children as Mark took out his car keys.

"Maybe. Maybe we can actually do that day trip you were talking about," she teased, wrapping a slender arm around his waist. Nudging her head with his, he grinned _._

"So you did hear me."

"What do you mean? I'm always listening," she deadpanned and he snorted, opening the door for her to the front seat. "Thank you."

"You were half asleep, jailbait," he muttered, closing the door and walking around to the driver's seat. She buckled in as did he and she sighed, looking out the window as he began to pull out. "What's on your mind?"

"You know, I needed to believe that that wedding could happen, and it didn't. Now Cristina is flying across the ocean. Where is Burke?" Mark's throat squeezed and he placed a hand on her knee.

"I don't know," he said and she nodded to herself. Pulling up at the red light, he kept his eyes on the light.

"I just needed a win for one of us. Denny dies, Meredith and Derek aren't on the best terms, Burke leaves his own wedding. George is acting weird with Izzie and Callie, and Alex… is Alex. Just… none of us have a win," she continued and he turned his head to her.

"You do, don't you?" asked the man and he leaned over the console to peck her lips. She stubbornly refused to kiss back until he was drawing away.

"It's not a win yet," she amended and he chuckled, kissing the corner of her mouth before returning his eyes to the road.

"It will be."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

 **A/N: Edited - September 18, 2018**

 **Next: New interns, Lexie Grey, and what Mark and Em did over the break as 'friends'.**


	23. Forbidden

"Then Mer and Cristina went on Cristina's honeymoon without me," Izzie said with a glance at the two best friends. Emily laid down on the bed beside Alex, reading up on some of the newest medical innovations.

"Girl-on-girl honeymoon."

"And then Alex took a roadtrip to see Ava without me."

"I did not go to see Ava. And her name's Rebecca. And I didn't go see her. I just drove in that direction." Letting her book drop onto her abdomen, Emily tilted her head back far enough to give her friend an incredulous look.

"Right," she sang, picking up her book again.

"And then Emily went to every tourist attraction in Seattle ever with Sloan. The Chihuly Garden and Glass, the Needle, Pike Place Market, every museum _ever_ , like every single day trip possible."

"And a boat tour," Emily added helpfully. Rolling onto her stomach, she placed her book on the bed to smile cheekily at Izzie.

"Oh, why is everyone so tingly and hurt? I mean, I'm the one who was left at the altar. I'm fine, by the way. I honeymooned in Hawaii and I snorkeled. Thank you, Em, by the way." Perking up, the brunette shrugged.

"No problem. Mark paid for most of it," she said, "and helped with changing stuff. I don't know. I'm glad you had fun, though."

Cristina groaned at that, slumping against the wall. "Great. Now I have to thank Sloan for giving me my honeymoon."

.

"How's it going so far?" Mark whispered in his ear with a slight smile. Her skin burned as she smiled back.

"In control. Good." She knew he was hovering and she turned to look at him in this elevator. Her interns all stared curiously at her and she rolled her eyes as the doors opened. Walking out first, she snapped her fingers when they didn't follow.

"I'll see you later," he murmured and she nodded in response. His hand touched her arm briefly before brushing past her. Tying her hair up, she shot stern looks at the interns.

"Okay." She assumed an aura that she hoped would make Bailey proud. The resident herself was organizing the E.R. staff. "We've got multiple MVCs coming in. I'm assuming you know the proper protocol. You are to ask questions, listen to me or the attending, and not get in our way of patient care. Not only do I not want to hear that one of my interns is the reason there was a time of death but you are here to learn. Got it?" They froze. "I am _waiting._ " They nodded jerkily, tying their trauma gowns clumsily.

"You are really kickin' the pups," Alex scoffed as she shrugged.

"And you aren't?" she quipped. "Alright, all four of you need to stay here and get gowned. What are your names?"

"Michael Kinney."

"Ethan Lawson."

"Liam Johnson."

Running their names over in her head, she turned to the last one, the only female.

"Charlotte Young," the redhead said and she nodded.

"Prep beds, get gowned. I want you to come meet the ambulances when you're done." Walking out to the ambulance bay, she pulled on a pair of gloves and brushed past some of the other interns with her friends. Bailey and Callie both accompanied them as the ambulances pulled in.

"You wait until we're done with this situation, write down your questions and we can answer them later," she added to her interns as they fidgeted with tying their gowns around their necks. "Alright, people. Let's go."

.

"Young, get over here! We need to staunch that bleed. Meredith, you got this?" she asked the blonde as her hands replaced the other's with gauze. Wheeling her to trauma room one, the brunette pulled out he ultrasound as Charlotte Young watched in awe. "I'll do the arm you do the ultrasound?"

"Sure."

"Interns, against the wall and writing questions," Emily said and they all filed in. "I'll call on you when I have something for you to do." Taking the pillows away from the sedated woman, she propped up the severed arm as the E.R. staff hooked her up to monitors before leaving. Meredith sent her a bemused glance before asking about her sister.

Bending over, she peered at the damage and began to gently slow the bleeding. The damage was severe but the cut was clean. There might be a chance to reattach it. Or at least, Emily hoped there was.

"Kinney, page plastics." The man nodded, going for the phone and taking out his pager book.

"Oh, you - you met Lexie?." George asked. Meredith hummed, asking why he didn't tell her. "I've kind of had a lot going on."

"This is trauma room one," Izzie announced, coming in. "And you can see, it's - there's a trauma. Hey, guys, do you need some help?" she asked, leaning in beside the fetal monitor. Emily smiled to herself, grabbing more gauze and surrounding the wound. "Please tell me you need some help."

"It's a little crowded in here already, Iz," Meredith whispered, taking a cloth and rubbing away the gel for the ultrasound. Emily straightened up, watching the blood stain the pillows. Pressing the white material softly against the wound, she glanced at the patient to make sure she was still unconscious.

The door from the other side of the room swung open and Emily turned around to see Mark. He groaned, rubbing out a crick in his neck as he pressed a kiss to her neck.

"Good morning," he whispered and she rolled her eyes to herself. The older surgeon slipped into work mode immediately as he asked for a summary of the injuries.

"Uh, Nancy Walters. Complete amputation."

"The baby looks fine, but she's having some contractions." Nancy began to wake up and Emily made sure her arm was covered up once more so she wouldn't freak out. The woman slowly drifted her gaze over her surroundings.

"Hi, Nancy. I'm Dr. Sloan. You mind if I take a look?" he asked as Izzie walked around the bed. She leaned into Emily's space as the brunette moved her head back in surprise and confusion.

"It's a clean cut," said Emily in a reminder that _she was still here_ , prompting Izzie to pull back. "I thought there would be a chance of reattachment?"

"I thought so, too. Hang antibiotics and put on a sterile, moist dressing. There's a good chance of recovery here. Grey, do we have an arm?"

"They're looking for it."

"My baby has no father. He's already down two arms. So he r-really needs me to have an arm," she mused aloud. Mark lifted the gauze once more before covering it. Emily sighed, reaching for more of the stuff to replace it. Blood was oozing slowly, but it was still enough to be worried about.

"Get me that arm," Mark ordered sympathetically.

"Does anything else hurt?" She asked the patient who chuckled.

"Besides having only one arm… not really."

"We're going to take really good care of you, okay?" Mark sighed, pulling off his rubber gloves and paused on his way out besides Emily. His nose brushed her ear and she paused in her work, biting her lip.

"Dr. Sloan," she whispered, resuming her work and he hummed huskily under his breath, turning away and leaving. Meredith arched an eyebrow at that and Emily sighed, knowing she wanted to say something.

"Interns, go somewhere else and explore. I page you, you come running," she instructed. They filed out dutifully and Emily faced her friend.

"What was _that_?"

"Nothing is happening."

"I saw something that definitely happened," Meredith sang. "You, you, and you, go run labs. George," Meredith tilted her head to Emily and the brunet had a slight, smug smile upon his face. The other three interns left as George pretended to busy himself. "I thought you said you guys were just friends."

"We are. Nothing happened."

"Something happened."

"Nope-"

"Yes," Nancy piped up, "and I have two arms. Are you and Dr. Sloan dating?" Emily sighed, resting her gloved hands on the side of the bed atop the pillow. Glancing down at their patient, she shrugged.

We're… thinging."

"Thinging?"

"A mutual understanding. We're not dating yet."

"Why not?" their patient intervened and the two of them glance down at her. "Sorry. It's just he's really hot."

"Because there are other things about _you know_." She raised her eyebrows expressively. Meredith nodded and Emily pulled off her gloves, fidgeting with the knot at the base of her neck. Meredith's lips pressed together and Nancy glanced between them.

"Yeah, I know."

.

"Oh, look at them," Emily murmured as the babys squirmed. Adjusting the grip on her bag, she made sure it didn't catch on her cream-colored coat. "So cute." Mark came up behind her, hands in his lab coat pockets. "Aren't they cute?"

"Yeah," he muttered and she turned to him. His eyes raked over her figure, tugging on the breast lapels and making sure they weren't pressed underneath her bag straps. "I told Derek i came to Seattle for him and it sounded completely unmanly."

"Aw, that's cute," she teased, hands running down the front of his shirt. Wiggling the pen clipped to his breast pocket, she sighed and brushed off invisible dust from his shoulder. "That's good."

"Yeah." He held her arms and her eyes met his. They silently asked for something and she leaned up to peck his lips. His eyes fluttered shut and she stayed there for awhile, just savoring in his smell and presence. A perfect goodnight kiss.

"I've got to go; get some sleep," she whispered and lowered herself back onto flat feet. "Goodnight, Mark."

His hands cupped her face and she pressed her forehead between his eyes. "'Night."

.

"Ooh… espresso machine. You better get it," Emily exclaimed as she bounced beside Mark. He had his eyes set on the device as Cristina brokered a deal. Accepting it, he removed Izzie's hand with a slight territorial glint in his eyes. "Yes! Come to us, baby!" They high-fived and she leaned up. "Congratulatory kiss," she said.

Leaning down, he glanced back and forth to make sure Derek was nowhere in sight before quickly pecking her lips. "Congratulatory kiss," he echoed before holding up a hand. "But high-five for the best friends." Slapping her hand against his again, she watched him go.

"So much better when it's two against one," she sighed as Bailey approached them and their black market dealings. Emily slid away subtly towards her interns, about to take them on rounds. Their pagers began to beep and she snapped her fingers. Her interns fell in and she started leading them to the pit.

"Let's go. Carnage trumps rounds."

.

Emily waited by the nurse's station, slowly pushing her phone in a circle around her pinched fingers as she spotted Meredith walking up to the station.

"Hey, Mer," she said and the blonde gave a smile back.

"Em. Whatcha up to?"

"Waiting for someone. You?" Meredith sighed, glancing around. Emily wondered if it was because she knew her well or if it was a lucky guess, but the brunette knew her friend was looking for Derek.

"Same here." Emily came over and stood beside her, offering a smile. "Are you waiting for Mark?"

"Yeah. We're going out for drinks, if you wanna come. We're going as friends," she added hastily upon seeing Meredith's apprehensive look.

"I don't get that."

"Yeah? And I don't get you waiting for the guy you broke up with," Emily said.

"That obvious?"

"Mark is, a, one of the biggest gossips, and b, my best friend. How wouldn't I know?" Meredith conceded to that. "Besides, I sleep at your house sometimes. I sleep on your couch after Izzie lets me in. I can hear him leave 'cause your staircase is the creakiest piece of work ever."

"Izzie lets you into my house?"

"Yeah." Emily shrugged. "Sometimes, your place has more food than mine."

"Is that why you randomly show up in the morning?"

"Maybe." Meredith chuckled as Mark strode up to them, the espresso machine box in his hands.

"Dr. Grey. I'm heading over to Joe's with your lovely friend here. You want to grab a drink with us?" Emily shared a look with Meredith before eyeing the man.

"Already asked her. She's waiting for someone." Mark paused, eyes flickering to the floor briefly as he trailed off.

"Yeah… Derek asked me to track you down. He's, uh, stuck with a patient. He's not gonna be able to meet you," he explained and Emily frowned. Meredith adjusted her grip on the bag as the hazel-eyed woman turned to stare up at him. "He sends his apologies."

"Oh, okay." The disappointment bit her tone greedily but still a smile found a way onto her face as Mark started backing away. Emily rolled her eyes at Meredith as Mark plastered a silly smile on his face.

"So, Joe's?"

"Leave her alone, Mark," she said and the plastics surgeon laughed. "I'll see you later, Mer."

"Have a good night." Nodding, the two best friends walked towards the entrance closest to Joe's.

"Derek wasn't really held up with a patient, was he?" Emily asked as soon as they hit the sidewalk. Mark shifted his grip on the box, pondered over his response for a few moments, and then responded.

"No."

.

"Mark, this is Really Old Guy. Really Old Guy, this is Mark, my best friend who I've been talking about."

"He's got a name."

"Yeah, well, I didn't pick the nickname," she said, biting into her apple. He sighed.

"I just wanted my good morning kiss," he complained and she shot him a look. "I didn't want to be dragged into some old guy's room."

"Mark, I'm tryna show you my life before you," she exclaimed and he sighed. As she bit into her apple again, he turned her just enough to face him, leaned down, kissed her lips and left. Gawking after him, she swallowed her apple and then turned to Really Old Guy.

"Did you see that? I mean, you didn't but did you hear it? I can't believe this." Pinching the apple between her teeth, she followed after him as she tied her hair up into a easy ponytail.

.

"Hey, Mark," she greeted, coming into the office. Mark turned around in the office chair and smiled despite himself. He had to admit, the words were starting to blur his vision. "What is that?"

"Hemiglossectomy." Reading the papers, she frowned thoughtfully and brushed her hand to move the first sheet and read the second and he watched her eyes dart across the pages.

"Have you even done one before?" Glancing at him, her eyebrows knit together as he shook his head guiltily. Taking the papers, he tapped them against the table to realign them before placing them beyond his mug of coffee.

"Did connect leg to elbow once," he said unhelpfully. She ran a hand through his hair, taking hold and shaking it gently. The presence of her hand calmed him and he looked helplessly at his emails. Typing out hemiglossectomy research papers, he watched the browser load. "I feel old." Her hand ran down the back of his head, prompting him to look up at her.

"You're not old. You're very young and energetic."

"Thanks." Her hand trailed down to his shoulder as she leaned against the table. "I want you to scrub in, if you'd like." Crossing her arms, she nodded.

"Sure." The door opened soon after and she glanced up. "Hey, Derek."

"Hey." Sitting down on the free office chair, the neurosurgeon's gaze flickered between the two. Mark raised his head from his hand, glancing at his friend as Emily looked around the room. There was a long awkward silence before she made up something about her interns and left.

"No sleeping with Noah Moore's little sister," Derek immediately said as soon as she was gone. Mark's head shot up and his eyes widened considerably. "You have, already, haven't you?"

"Of course not. She's his little sister."

"Yeah, and now she's forbidden. Keep your hands off of her," he warned with a smirk. Mark rolled his eyes but his mind was a whirlwind. Things just got more complicated. "She's our best friend's little sister and she doesn't need you baggage."

"Well, yeah, I know that." Except she had already held it for him, shouldered the weight with him. He wondered if she even wanted it or if she just did it because she felt something. He wouldn't tell Derek, Mark decided. No, he would _not._ "Don't worry. I have the nurses to sleep with."

"Oh. How many have you slept with already?"

"Not that many," he lied. Before the wedding, the list was way more than it should've been for the foremost plastics surgeon in the west coasts. The hemiglossectomy research results showed up and he sighed, staring at the tongues. "You ever feel old?"

"I'm young. I'm a fetus."

"Nah, I mean you ever feel like there's gonna be a time when new techniques pass you by?"

"I'm a genius," Derek said between spoonfuls of whatever crap he was eating. Mark couldn't tell if it was porridge or yogurt. It was _something_ like a mix between the two, "and a scholar."

"Shut up."

.

"Callie?" The brunette searched for the resident after that embarrassing event in the cafeteria. Izzie herself was probably embarrassed and Emily knew even she was still burning from the second-hand embarrassment herself. She walked around a corner before bumping into a shorter woman. "Oh! Dr. Grey. Lexie."

"Dr. Moore." She stepped back, eyes wide. "I was just… I'm sorry."

"Emily," she amended before noting the blood tests in her hands. "Did you need to take these up to the labs?" The intern nodded and she smiled. "I can take you up there. You're new, you can still get lost."

"Thank you, Dr. Moore."

They reached lab and found no line for once. Handing it to the woman behind the counter, she quirked an eyebrow. "Page Dr. Grey when they're done. _This_ Dr. Grey. 'L' not 'M'." Nodding, the woman took the samples as Emily turned back to Lexie. "You should probably be getting back to Cristina before she gets on your ass."

"You're right. Yeah, I have to go. It was nice talking to you!" She watched her go before remembering what she was even doing roaming the halls. Then, she thought about the cafeteria and sighed heavily.

 _Callie, right._ Choosing a direction, she made a loose floor plan and set off.

.

"Derek said you were forbidden and illegal," Mark said and she shot him a look.

"Derek isn't the boss of you," she teased and he sighed, flicking a tendril of hair off her shoulder. "So, not the right time?"

"He said you don't need my emotional baggage. You should, though." He sniffed haughtily and she laughed as she signed her name off in the chart and settled it on her pile. "It's vintage."

"Haha," she muttered sarcastically. "Well, mine is designer. Very valuable." He laughed, leaning over the counter as she looked up at him. The hospital was quiet, dark as the night and only the glow of the computer screen as well as a single lamp lit up her workspace.

"So, you don't mind me being moody and unreasonable?"

"No, because you are unreasonable when it comes to me," she said loftily. He smirked, pressing forward on his forearms. She stood up and his eyes followed her as she gravitated towards him. He straightened up, their faces mere centimetres apart.

"You're not wrong there, jailbait." Her eyes flickered from his lips to his eyes, a sliver of her tongue poking out between her lips before a coy smile curled her lips.

"But I'm forbidden, and illegal. So, you must stay five feet away at all times."

"That's unfair," he complained as she took her stacked charts. "Who am I supposed to hang out with?"

"What about the guy who just put up police tape around me?" she called as she walked away. His head dipped as she began filing away the charts on the metal rack. Returning to the desk, she turned off the computer and lamp. They plunged into darkness, and she reached a hand to feel his face. Her eyes closed.

A hand covered hers and she opened her eyes again as he took her hand and pressed a kiss to his palm. His lips stayed against her palm and she sighed, feeling her heart in her ears.

"I can't stay away from you," he whispered against her skin and she used her other hand to cup his face. "But, Derek-"

"I know." Her eyes closed and every fiber ached for his body against hers. "We can wait."

"We can wait," he echoed, bypassing her hand and aiming for her lips. They met quietly as she sighed softly into the kiss. Again, and again, they continued on in their own little bubble until they needed air and even then, she wanted more.

"Mark, I don't want to wait."

"I don't either, but I just got my best friend back."

"Yeah, I know you did. And I'm so happy for you, so that's why I will."

"You should go home before the police come. I broke the restraining order." She chuckled at his words. Her hands drew away from his face. In the darkness, she could only feel his breath and his heat. The smell of his cologne invaded her senses and she walked around the countertop. His gaze followed after her and she stopped before him. Even in the darkness, she could see the faint outline from the light in a hallway behind him. Brushing past him, she was about to turn the corner to go to the resident's lounge before pausing.

"You know I'd wait for you forever, right?" she asked, staring straight ahead.

"Yeah. And I'm never leaving you alone. Not if I can help it." That warm feeling surged up her chest and spread down to her toes and she looked down to her shoes, continuing forward. Her hand in her pockets, she turned the corner before he could see the stupidest smile on her face.

.

"Identical techniques?" Emily asked, nearly choking on her coffee as the nurses continued.

"We formed a club. Nurses United Against Mark Sloan," Olivia informed as Mark paused for a second.

"Are there any, uh, club activities?" Walking away, the nurses shared annoyed glances as Emily smacked him on the arm. "What?"

"I thought you stopped sleeping with nurses," she said.

"I did. Ever since you, I haven't touched a single woman." Touched, she hid her blush behind her coffee cup. Turning around, the two surgeons saw a certain neurosurgeon approaching and the two glanced at each other. Mark mouthed words to her and she slowly inched a professional distance away. She faced away, leaning on her elbow and sipping her coffee.

"Oh, man. You would not believe what just happened to me." Mark started and she tilted her head slightly to listen in on the conversation.

"There's, uh, a kid looking for you." Unable to help herself, Emily turned around.

"What?" A small child appeared from behind Derek, a hearing aid placed firmly in his hair as he stared up at Mark with wonder.

"Daddy?" The shock shared between them would have been enough for the rest of their lives as Mark gaped. Emily nearly spat out her coffee and she placed a fist in front of her mouth, choking. Mark sent her a glance but was unable to say anything with Derek gazing at them suspiciously.

"What?"

The boy started laughing as Derek pulled out a bill and handed it to the child, complimenting him on his acting skills. "I'll be getting you back for that." Mark warned as the neurosurgeon chuckled.

"Looking forward to it," the man countered, walking away. The boy stepped forward, pocketing his money as the two surgeons stared at him.

"You're not my father. But I am hoping you'll build me some ears."

.

"You're carrying your dead mommy's ashes in a bag? Happy Halloween,"

"Oh, shut up. Car or cubbie?"

"Cubbie until you know what to do with her. I just think carrying about dead mommy's ashes is bad juju."

"Bad juju?" Emily nodded. "See? This is the kind of help I need. Now I need to go to the chief about this favor for the pro bono surgery.."

"Good luck. And tell Mark I say hi." With a wink, the brunette left Meredith to her own devices.

.

"You're in a gentlemen's evening?" Emily asked, bemused as an intern brought her a danish. "Thank you, Liam but there's no need to. I had breakfast."

"I just wanted to, uh, _thank_ you for allowing me to practice intubating again yesterday" the brunet replied earnestly, wringing out his hands. Mark sent the intern a look before Emily smacked him.

"There is no need, Liam," she repeated, "but you're very sweet. You're here to learn. I was just doing my job. Now go do scut." Nodding, he scurried back to his friend and they both ran out of the older surgeons' sight.

"You're too nice to your interns," Mark chastised as she tore off a bit of the pastry and offered it to him. "Though, it does come with perks." Popping it into his mouth, he raised his eyebrows when it was surprisingly good.

"Indeed it does," she agreed, savoring its taste. "You know a gentlemen's evening sounds like you're gonna go to a strip club?"

"Yeah, well, it's the Chief so I highly doubt strippers will be involved."

"Ugh, but you have to go?" He nodded and she pouted playfully. "Your old best friend is stealing you back from me, your new best friend."

"Jealous?"

"Extremely, as I am neither a man, nor have I known you for more than two years." He smirked, exhaling through his nose as she bit into her danish. "It's really annoying."

"Oh, poor you," he simpered as Derek walked past them, spotting Mark and pausing. Emily shifted her danish and offered it to him. He frowned, studying the danish and ripping off a piece of the bakery goods. He threw it into his mouth and let out a delighted hum.

"Mm, good stuff. Where'd you get it?"

"My intern," she replied at the same time Mark said: "Her intern."

"Mark," Derek warned and the plastics surgeon widened his eyes. "Remember what I said."

"Police tape. Forbidden and illegal. I got it," he said, taking an over exaggerated step away. Emily glanced between him and Derek.

"Derek, why can't we talk?"

"I'm not saying you can't," he said. "I'm just saying Dr. Sloan can't go past professional mentor-student boundaries."

"So, I can't even be friends with her?" asked Mark to which Derek shook his head.

"I'm just saying you can't cross a specific border."

"Oh, we see." Emily shared a look with Mark who rolled his eyes. "Well, I better not do anything that'll annoy the friend police." With her danish in hand, she walked away from the two friends, thinking that despite it all, she knew Derek would find out eventually.

 **A/N: Edited - September 21, 2018**

 **Next: As a doctor's life hangs precariously in the balance, Mark Sloan is forced to re-evaluate how long he is willing to wait.**


	24. Crash Into Me

"I want to snap my neck and die," she groaned and Mark laughed against her neck to wake her up. "I'm so tired. That is the only reason I'm allowing you to cuddle." His arm draped over her waist, he ran his hand down her arm and eventually folded his fingers over the back of her hand and onto her palm. Her fingers bent over his as he brushed his lips over the vein of her neck. She sighed, squeezing his fingers and stretched her spine against his body.

"I should come cuddle when you're exhausted more often then," he teased and she smacked him with her shoulder. The frustration was radiating off of her and he frowned. "You good?"

"I'm _exhausted._ I just stood beside Derek for nine hours holding a retractor."

"Well, I bet you looked great doing it." Raising their joined hands, he twisted their hands to kiss her knuckles. "You have beautiful hands." She pulled the interlaced fingers towards her chest and he let her tug him closer. "Good hands for plastics." She yawned loudly and he found it absolutely adorable as her nose wrinkled.

"Mark, let me sleep," she whined and he chuckled. "I wanna sleep."

"Okay." He lied down and wrapped her in a hug as she wiggled closer. When they settled into a comfortable position, she relaxed easier. "We have that meeting with the carotid tumour patient tomorrow morning. Nick Hanscom."

"Can you wake me up then?" she mumbled almost incoherently and he pressed his nose into her hair. Eyes closing, he just basked in her presence.

"Yeah, of course."

.

"Page to the E.R., let's move people!" Bailey yelled as pagers began beeping loudly. They ran to the elevator, silent with excitement as the doors opened again to reveal the calm E.R. Emily spotted Callie answering the phone as the residents filed in beside each other, tying pale yellow trauma gowns around themselves. As the Latina put down the phone and met up with Bailey, Emily tied up her hair and grabbed a pair of gloves.

"Moore, the ambulance is low on supplies and there's a pileup on the freeway. Grab some supplies - gauze, tape, intubation tubes - and restock the rig and get out. The sooner the better," Callie ordered and the brunette nodded slightly, turning to gather the listed items. Grabbing packs and packs of plastic wrapped supplies, she returned to the ambulance bay to Cristina and Izzie arguing over cardio. She passed by Meredith, leaping into the rig as the paramedics entered the front.

"Where do you keep your gauze?" she inquired, not finding it in the normal spot most ambulances had it in.

"Ray is a leftie so he likes to keep it where it's easier. He likes to personalize the rig," one of the paramedics teased and she smiled slightly. "It's on the left instead of the right."

"Hey man, I like saving lives and it just makes it faster," the other paramedic riposted just as jokingly.

"If it makes you feel any better, I'm a leftie too." Emily smiled at their banter as a siren signalled another ambulance was incoming. "Found it, thanks. How 'bout your intubation tubes?" Ray turned around, a slight smile and his mouth opened to form words when Meredith's scream pierced the air.

" _Emily, move!_ "

Whipping around, she only saw her friends' terrified faces as the crushing sound of metal deafened her ears. Her world spun as her side crashed into the shelves on the ambulance, legs banging into the bench. A resonating _snap_ echoed in her core as she then collided with the ceiling as the rig kept flipping over.

Something dug into her somewhere but it felt numb as she tried to catch herself on something. Her fingers kept slipping and she felt something rub her skin the wrong way as her head slammed into the medical supply drawers.

Her vision went dark. Silence.

She couldn't feel a single thing as she pried her eyes open. Everything was so bright and she immediately squinted, the light too bright for her eyes.

Her ears rang. Her world was upside down as the sizzle of the engine and glass shattering filled the quiet. The ceiling - now floor - of the rig was coated in blood as her body slid down by the pull of gravity. Her head barely protruded between the paramedics as she saw her reflection in a piece of crushed metal. Blood coated the side of her face and probably her body too. Her face scraped against something sharp as she tried to raise her head. It felt heavier than normal and she let her head all back as softly as I could but with how sluggish she felt, trying to was easier said than done. She brushed her hands over the bloody steel and then her palms slowly slid down to press hard against the metal.

"Please, get me out of here," she mumbled to herself, eyes closing. "Get me out of here. Get me… get me…"

"Em, stay with me."

"Ray, Ray, can you hear me?" That was Callie. Emily shifted and her abdomen tore, slicing her insides apart like soft cheese. Her head hammered down on her eyes and she fought the growing urge to move, knowing it'd make it worse. Her eyelids bore down on her face and she tried to wiggle her fingers, finding everything numb.

 _Must be the adrenaline,_ she mused dazedly. _I want Mark… I want him._ _I'll never see him again. I should've told him. Told him I loved him. And now, it's too late. I'm too late._

 _._

There was a sound of more sirens to signal the fire department as someone - his voice more masculine - came closer. "How's it going in there, fellas?" he asked. She turned her head slightly to the sound, eyes still closed. The adrenaline was draining away and she could feel every single nerve of hers on fire. "Moore, you still with us?"

"Dr. Webber?" she muttered under her breath, completely out of it. "Is that you?"

"Run it down for me, best as you can."

"Hit my head, so… I'm thinking a concussion and… I couldn't really feel anything 'cause of the _shock,_ but now I think my leg is broken." Her side sear and spread up her chest, causing her breath to hitch. "Please get us out of here," she whispered, tears leaking from her closed eyes. A sob built up in her chest but she kept it contained barely.

"Yeah, if we're putting it to a vote," Ray agreed, "I think we better get out of here, fast."

"I'm afraid 'keep still' is the best we can do for now. Don't want to make things worse." The Chief promised pain meds as soon as possible when Stan turned to her boss.

"Sir?"

"Call me Richard."

Stan asked about his legs. Whether they were there or not. Cold dread seeped into skin as he confirmed he couldn't feel them. Emily moved her hand to the right, feeling his legs.

"Stan, can you feel that?"

"I can't feel anything."

"His-his ears are bleeding, Chief." She rasped, watching as Stan turned to face Webber again. "Dr. Webber." A jolt of pain shot up her body when something dug deeper into her abdomen and she raised her head, trying to focus her vision. Everything was a blur and her head fell back once more, turning to stare out Stan's side of the vehicle. "I need you to get him. I need to tell him. I should've told him."

"Can you get my wife too?" asked Stan, breathing becoming shallower. "She works here. She's an X-Ray tech." Webber agreed to both of their requests as Ray nudged them both with a weak hand.

"Don't you two die on me, you hear me? We have a con-connection now and I swear to God I'll be so pissed if you die on me."

"I'm doing my best, man," Stan retorted as the metal hinges creaked. Richard Webber straightened up and turned to Meredith, confusion written on his face.

"Get Stan's wife here now."

"But what do we - how - how do we-"

"We don't."

Meredith paused, watching the firemen study the site. They didn't seem as lost as she felt. "Okay. We have a whole hospital-"

"The moment we move him, he's gonna bleed out. All the medicine in the world won't save him. His wife has to get here soon if she wants to see her husband alive." Meredith searched the Chief's dark eyes and another question bit at his tongue.

"And what about Emily?"

"I don't know the extent of her injuries. I'm going to have to see if we can remove the back of the ambulance to extract her first. If she can barely keep conscious, it could mean a brain injury, an abdominal trauma, or worse. Grey, who's he?"

Meredith's eyes fell to the pavement before those blue eyes met his again.

"Mark Sloan."

"Then we can't tell him if he has surgery. Does she have family besides her brother?"

"No, sir." The Chief sighed, shaking his head to himself.

"Go. Get Stan's wife. And if you see Sloan, don't say a single word." Meredith nodded. "Not until we get her out of here." As the blonde resident left, the Chief walked around the ambulance to the back of the rig. One of the doors was still intact, while the other was on by one hinge. He followed the line of the door down until it ended.

For what felt like the millionth time today, Dr. Webber sighed.

"Moore."

"Tell me, sir," she called back faintly. With every word, her voice seemed to fade.

"The ambulance door is embedded in your abdomen. With every move, it might dig in more so it's important you don't move."

"Aren't we twinning?" Stan asked breathily but Emily didn't respond.

.

"Bailey dumped a white supremacist on me."

"I'm scrubbing in on a cookie craniotomy with Shepherd."

The two - Cristina and George - were trying to be hopelessly casual as they talked to Em, who heard them with half-interest, well, more like with half-life. "That's… fascinating."

"Okay, Em, you do not die." That was Cristina's hard voice, "You just passed your intern exam and you got all gooey gooey with McSteamy. Those were like your life goals so you don't die after that," she said it simply as if the ambulance door was not inside her friend's body but it gave Emily some comfort that Cristina cared.

"Em," George's quieter tone, "I seriously hope you don't die. I mean, it'd be kind of _shit_ , wouldn't it?"

"Yeah," she inhaled sharply, the metallic tang rising up her throat, "it would."

.

" _Keep your eyes open!_ " The words rung in her mind as Meredith's sharp words cut through it like a knife. "We're taking you guys out now and I seriously need you to keep your goddamn eyes open."

The pain had intensified into butcher knives, slicing at her side while her leg felt as if constantly poked with a molten poker. A vile poison crawled into her throat and she swallowed hard. The sleep she was in had no white light and she had no intention of trying to go there. So she fought.

"Let's do this." Stan's words were hard with determination and she reached a hand up to join their clasped ones, holding onto Ray and Stan as a fireman gave the order to begin cutting.

"Try to live, man." Ray breathed and she felt as if she were intruding as Stan gave a barely heard, strained, 'you too.' The crunching of metal deafened her ears and she felt an immediate crushing pain in her abdomen as if someone as heavy as an elephant were balancing on her. Then there was a loud noise, somewhere between a _twang_ and a snap. If Emily could define agony, it would be this exact moment. Screaming, her insides split open as her head cracked like a melon.

" _Stop, stop! It's Stan!"_

"Her breathing is becoming fainter and she's got bradypnea and… and Ray's got something in his back. It's in good. If we move him, he'll bleed out." Emily turned her head towards Stan, staring as intensely as she could at his chest, trying to see if his chest would rise and fall.

It was still.

The ugly sob she had caged within her for hours burst out and she tilted her head back. All she wanted was to see her brother, hear Meredith's laugh, see Cristina's scowl, and she wanted to eat Izzie's pancakes. She wanted to drink with Alex, to eat granola bars with George, she wanted to kiss Mark one last time. She wanted more.

.

As Meredith backed out of the ambulance, the needle full of blood in her hands, her eyes strayed over to Emily's still form. Her breathing was nearly snuffed out and the blonde had to bite her lip and look away to blink the burning in her eyes away. Her eyes raked across the surgeon's body and noted that somehow, the door was significantly closer.

"Meredith. Meredith," Emily whispered, eyes shut. "The door." The brunette swallowed. Now that the two were closer, Meredith could see where the skin split from the force of her head hitting metal. Dried and fresh blood marked her face in a sickly design as her hazel eyes met Meredith's blue ones.

A whole list of complications ran through her mind and she placed the back of her hand against the brow of her friend. It was red hot, sweat forming along her brow. "Chief, the door!" She yelled back as she shimmied out. Ray looked at her with concern before his eyes flickered to Emily. She stood, facing Dr. Webber as he inspected her forearms.

"What happened?"

"The door lost its final hinge. It's in her abdomen deep. It's definitely a massive abdominal injury."

"Then we've got to an O.R. for two of them."

"Izzie said all the O.R.s are full."

"Then we've got to pray." Meredith bit her lip, turning away. Tearing off her plastic gloves, she walked back in to the E.R. She couldn't deal with one of her friends dying today.

.

Mark's day had started well but it didn't end well. While his surgery with Hahn and Callie had gone well (with a bit of flirting, he really did need to stop it now that he had Em), Nick's carotid blew which caused a pandemonium of going back and forth between pages because he was an idiot to believe Karev could do something as simple as irrigation. Apparently, he couldn't. It was just an omen that the day was not a good one.

Emily hadn't been answering her phone all day and he hadn't even seen her which was weird. Normally she'd text him between whatever surgeries she had. Must be a back-to-back or long-haul surgery today.

Going into a doctor's lounge, he leaned back into the chair across from Callie who had just taken a seat. His friend stared at him, trying to find the right words and he shot her a look but it was obscured when Hahn came in afterwards, exhausted. The blonde, who resolutely disliked him, offered to go for drinks. He broke off the glare, opting to burn a hole into the floor as he massaged his forehead.

"She's saying she needs a friend." Callie chastised distantly.

"Sure," he agreed, staring at his phone. "Have you seen Em today?"

"Mark, about that-" Callie's sentence was cut off by the door opening. All three attendings looked to Meredith who poked her head in. A scrub cap on her head and a surgical gown tied around her waist, the resident came in.

"Emily just got out of surgery and she's in the ICU. The Chief said you could know now."

"What?" he asked, confused. "Why's she in the-"

"The ambulance crash." He stood, panic seizing his throat. "She was in the ambulance crash outside the pit."

"Is she okay? Is she going to be okay?" Mark turned to the ortho resident, the volume of his voice raising. "Did you know?"

"I know because I had to cast her leg. Broken tibia. Last I checked on her, she was fine."

He swallowed painfully through his cinched throat and looked at Meredith who nodded resolutely. It was like his whole world tilted, drenched in black and white. He couldn't help how numb his chest felt as he fought the urge to run up to the ICU. Staying calm would be easiest on everything.

"I can take you to her now."

"What is the full extent of her injuries?" he asked quietly when they stepped into the elevator. Meredith turned to him, studying his pale face before reciting it.

"Gastrointestinal perf, no other abdominal injuries. There was head lac but it was stitched up by the plastics attending and it shouldn't leave a scar."

"Who did it?"

"Dr. Lopez."

"He's good. He would've done a good job," Mark whispered. He needed to lean against something. Going against the elevator wall, he stared up at the numbers. He shouldn't have waited to tell her he loved her. He shouldn't have waited-

"Her tibia was fractured. Dr. Torres casted it and it wasn't too bad. She has a concussion and Derek is checking on her now to make sure there are no neural deficits."

"Good." The weight on his chest lightened but still he felt like he couldn't breathe. As soon as the doors opened, he stumbled out and looked around dazedly. He needed to see her. The ICU was quiet with the exception of the occasional clicking and beeping as Meredith walked to the end of the hall.

She opened the door quietly and his breath hitched at her appearance. The blankets covered her up to her chest and the lac on her head was stitched decently. Wouldn't leave a scar at least. He could see her casted leg and a few colorful bruises beginning to form on her arms.

Derek was leaning over, flashing a light in her eyes as he asked the standard questions. Meredith smiled as Mark walked in.

"What is your name?"

"Emily London Moore."

"Do you know who I am?"

"Yes, Derek. I do. And my brother is Noah. I'm a second year resident at Seattle Grace. The people in my class include Alex, Meredith, George, Izzie and Cristina." Derek hummed his laugh, pocketing the flashlight. At the two's entrance, the patient and the neurosurgeon turned. "Mark? Is that you?" Her head dropped down and she sighed. "I thought I'd never see you again."

"I heard you got yourself into a crash," he said. Walking deeper into the room, he pulled up a chair and sat beside her. Taking her hand, he pressed his forehead against her knuckles. Derek arched an eyebrow and the two surgeons glanced at the raven-haired man.

"What happened to forbidden and illegal?" Derek asked flatly. Emily turned to Mark, squeezing her hand.

"Derek," she whispered and he looked at her. "Derek, I'm sorry, I should've told you." With her free hand, she reached for the man's sleeve. "I know I should've told you but… Mark is my best friend." She paused to swallow, eyes squeezing shut at the light. Meredith dimmed it for her and she blinked gratefully at her friend. "And somewhere along the way, it… we weren't just friends and it was before you said I was off-limits. It was before everything. The wedding, the break, the crash. Everything. And, I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault," Derek seethed and Emily's eyes flickered from Derek to Mark.

"And it's not his fault either. Derek," she wheezed as a jolt of pain seized her temporarily, "don't be mad at Mark. I… he… he cares for me. And I care for him and I haven't been happier than when I'm with him in a _long_ time. Please, let us be. I'm not a little girl anymore." The neurosurgeon took her hand from his sleeve, running a thumb over her knuckles before smiling slightly.

"I know." There was a pause where Mark raised his blue eyes to meet his brother's twin set and there seemed to be some sort of understanding.

"I can't wait. Not when she almost died today, man. I… She is who I want and I know it's not what you wanted and that she's 'forbidden and little' but she's... I fell so hard, man."

That's sweet."

"Shut up."

"But, you haven't slept with her yet, have you?" Breaking out into a chuckle, Mark shook his head as he reached to brush hair away from her face whilst holding onto her other hand.

"No. We want to wait until we can be together."

"It was our deal," she added and a smile curved both their lips. Kissing her knuckles, he sighed.

"Then, it must be serious. I can't remember the last time Mark properly dated someone."

"Very funny."

"I'll let you rest. You'll be discharged and then you're off until Torres and I give you the go to come back." Making a sound of agreement, the neurosurgeon and Meredith left, leaving the two alone. Emily tilted her head towards Mark and he stood, leaning over the bed rails.

Pecking her lips twice, he closed his eyes.

"I can't lose you." She raised a tired, bruised arm to his face, prompting him silently to stay. Unlocking the bed rail and lowering it, he climbed onto the bed. Gently scooting over, she remained on her back as he cuddled into her side. Tossing an arm over her chest, he kissed her jaw.

"You won't lose me."

"I almost did, today. And I wouldn't have known. If I left surgery today, wanting to have dinner with you and finding out that you died instead, I would've - Em, you can break me," he murmured hoarsely. "I am so damn scared. I don't want to commit to you but I do at the same time, because you are it. You are my one."

"You don't know how glad I am to hear you say that. When I was lying there, waiting for death to come, all I could think about is how we didn't get what we wanted. Like we waited too long."

"I think we're done waiting, jailbait," he whispered, raising his lips to her temple. "I haven't asked this since high school, but… wanna be my girlfriend?" She chuckled before wincing and he made a mental note not to make her laugh.

"That was terrible."

"Well, how do you ask people out?" She hummed thoughtfully, and he hugged her closer.

"You say… 'Emily Moore, would you like to go on a date with me.'" Wrinkling his nose, he was about to deny it when his eyes met hers. She wanted this one thing. He wouldn't be one to deny her that.

"Emily Moore, would you like to go on a date with me?" Turning her head to him, she smiled.

"Of course." She kissed him on the lips fully and his hand cupped her jaw, eyebrows furrowing together as their lips met again and again. Their noses brushed as she pulled away and he sighed, kissing her between the eyebrows. Pulling the covers up, he turned off the lights and leaned into her.

"Let's get some sleep."

"Okay." Smiling, she pressed her face against his. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

 **A/N: Edited - September 21, 2018**

 **Next: Emily's recovery coincides with Addison's return.**


	25. Recovery

Emily's eyes opened slowly, the room in a warm glow from the light in the corner. Groaning, she rasped for some water. Meredith flinched awake causing a chain reaction for George who was leaning against Meredith. He snorted, pushing off his blanket and Alex blinked, rubbing at his eyes. He nudged Izzie in the chair next to him who in turn smacked Cristina and Emily was faced with five awake friends asking how she was.

"I'm fine." Her voice was scratchy and George quickly poured a glass of water for her and she smiled gratefully. "Thanks. Where's Mark?"

"He was here all night and the night before, and every night before that," Meredith informed. "Bailey sent him out with Derek because he's been camped here all week." There was a slight edge to her tone at the mention of the neurosurgeon. It was clear the wound of him kissing the scrub nurse was still fresh. "You ready? You're getting discharged today."

"Yeah. Get me out of here," Emily pleaded as her interns showed up for rounds. "Hey, guys." They chorused good mornings as Cristina plopped on the bed, reading the cards deftly.

"Hanh's got me police-taped away from her service. Oh, chocolate."

"Mark bought that for me. It's the gift shop stuff too. It's expensive. Hey! Get your hands off my chocolate!" Emily exclaimed to Cristina who paid her no mind as George lifted her shirt and checked her incision site. "You smell disgusting."

"Says you," George retorted, stretching it tentatively before letting the shirt fall back down. "Incision is free of infection, you should be good to go."

"That's good. I'll see you guys at five?" Izzie nodded as her interns spoke to the other residents' interns. Cristina turned back, nose wrinkling at how friendly they were being before snapping her fingers. Immediately, her interns stood to attention.

"Two, rounds."

"Emily Moore, 29, status seven days post-op after surgery for a gastrointestinal perforation. She suffered from a closed, complete fracture of the tibia-"

"Still suffering from a closed, complete fracture of said tibia," she interrupted and the intern flushed under her annoyed look. George patted her shoulder and she sighed, sinking into her bed. What she wouldn't give to get out of here.

"-which was fixed via a cast. She has a grade three concussion but no obvious neural deficits." Emily's eyes widened and she raised her head, glaring sharply at the intern. "I - I mean, _no_ neural deficits, and she should be discharged soon."

"Three."

"She'll be scheduled for checkups to test her bone strength and for her concussion. Once Dr. Torres and Dr. Shepherd give her the 'okay', she'll be allowed to return to work."

"How are your concussion symptoms? Any dizziness? Sensitivity to light?" Meredith asked as Dr. Bailey came in. The resident took the chart from the intern, flipping it over.

"Those are the questions I should be asking, Grey, while you five are all going to be late for rounds." Emily smiled slightly as they rushed out. Cristina stole the rest of her chocolate before leaving and the brunette on the bed groaned. She wanted that chocolate. Bailey took her hand and the resident smiled.

"How are you? Any nausea? Dizziness?"

"Not since yesterday afternoon. Can you call Mark?"

"How about sensitivity to light?"

"Haven't since my third day." Emily looked at the phone resting on the table above her feet along with flowers. "Dr. Bailey, can you please call Mark?"

"No."

"Why?"

"Because that man has been on your beck and call for the last week. He needed to see the outside of this hospital or he was gonna go crazy."

"I've been asleep most of the time. He could've left."

"That man is so whipped, he didn't." Bailey smirked as she closed the chart. "I want you out by five so rest up. If you need anything, page a nurse."

"Yes, Dr. Bailey." Tentatively sitting up, she dragged the blankets over her body and closed her eyes.

"Need anything before I go?"

"Advil, please."

"Advil, coming right up."

.

At four-fifty-seven, Bailey came in with her discharge forms. It was all done in two minutes flat, including her signature and a shortened list of instructions on what and what not to do. Check-ups, no strenuous activity but moving around is good. If the concussion symptoms get worse, rest, take more Advil and eat healthily.

Then, they waited patiently until Mark appeared around the corner already in his outdoor clothes with a wheelchair. Her things were transferred easily enough and when she sat in the wheelchair, she felt her leg muscles tense before releasing.

"Ready to go?" he asked quietly, leaning down and kissing her hair. She nodded, hand reaching up to brush against his before letting it drop into her lap. "Alright. Thanks, Bailey." The Chief Resident rubbed her shoulder and with a 'get well soon,' they were out and into the elevator. Pressing their floor button, Mark crouched beside her and brushed his lips against her temple.

"How was your day?"

He ignored her question, carefully studying her face as he tucked a curl behind her ear, "Are you okay?" She started, turning to face him before smiling.

"Of course." There was an edge to her voice and she frowned slightly, yawning. "I just want to go back. Tired is all." The doors opened and he stood, pushing her forward past the pit. She reached up a hand to stop him and he did so as she stared out the doors.

"Can we go out this way?" she asked and he frowned.

"Em, you need to go home."

"I need to go this way," she affirmed. Sighing, he changed the direction to go out to the ambulance bay. "Over there." Pointing at where she was just a week before, she stared at the concrete. "There is where I was." There was still a faint red mark on the concrete, blood that couldn't be washed away. The Chief had promised to fix that eventually. Emily wished it was sooner rather than later. "Stan was there." She pointed to where the man had died. "That's where he died."

"Em-"

"He died saving us." Her eyes misted over and she turned her head away. "We should've saved him."

"It wasn't your fault," he said quietly and she nodded. Resuming their way into the parking lot, she watched the scenery go by slowly. "Let's get you a warm bed and bath, okay?" Nodding to herself, her gaze fell to her lap.

"Okay." They reached the car and he carried her in to the front seat. Folding the wheelchair into the trunk, he got into the driver's seat. "Mark."

"Yeah?"

"Thank you." Leaning over, she kissed him against the lips. "Thank you." Pressing her face against his, she cleared her throat. "You gotta drive me home, you know?" Smiling slightly, he twisted the keys in the ignition.

.

Her third day off of work, she was required to come back for a checkup. As Mark wheeled her in, she touched his hand briefly.

"Ambulance bay, please." That was new. They never went through this way but then again, it was her first time back since the accident. So, instead, Mark turned and pushed her through to the bay, setting the brakes at the spot.

"Em. we've gotta go in."

"Wait. I just need a minute," she whispered, staring at the spot. "I just need a moment." Sighing, he stood beside her and stared at the slowly fading blood stain. After three minutes passed - Mark checked his watch every sixty seconds - Emily finally gave the 'okay' to leave.

The exam went as scheduled. Mark sat up next to her on the exam table, holding her hand. Callie took her cast in hand, testing its strength as she asked the standard questions.

"How's your leg feeling?"

"Better. Technically, I'm not supposed to be here since I'm on bedrest for the GI." Mark let go of her hand and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, tracing circles on her jacket. "Mark's having me on a light diet, you know, easy stuff for my system to digest." The blue-eyed man snorted.

"You're saying it like I'm poisoning you."

"You are." Emily widened her eyes at him, glowering up at him.

Callie chuckled, writing down notes. "And your concussion?"

"Symptoms are barely there."

"Last dizzy spell?"

"Three days ago." Callie wrote this down on her chart as well and Mark watched her do so as Emily tugged her wheelchair closer. "I think I'm fine. How much longer do I have to be stuck in this cast?"

"Six to eight weeks, depending on your recovery rate."

"Fantastic." Emily sighed, resting her head on Mark's shoulder. "Thanks, Callie."

"You have another check up in two weeks."

"Mark, can you make the appointment?" The brunette turned to the plastics surgeon and he nodded, helping her back in the wheelchair.

"Yeah. I'll make it tomorrow."

"Thanks." Mark bent over and kissed her temple before pushing her out of the room. Callie held open the door as they began to leave. "We need to go through the ambulance bay."

"Em-"

"Mark. It's - I need to." Sighing, he pushed through the E.R. and they stopped there for a whole ten minutes in silence. The night air was cold, biting at their faces as she pulled her hair away from her face, staring at the stain in the pavement.

.

"You know Derek went out with Rose?" Mark asked during the second week. Emily looked up from her laptop. Her leg was elevated and he touched her almost-healed scalp lac on her head. It was healing nicely. She turned to him tiredly, closing her laptop. He took it and set it aside. She leaned forward while he patted down her pillows for her to lie back down on. The lights switched off. He hugged her close, kissing her cheek before nestling into the juncture of her neck and shoulder.

"Why?"

"No idea."

"How's your skin flap?" she asked, drowsy. He sighed and his nose pressed against her jaw.

"Pulled the cells from fetus in utero. Should be ready in a month or so."

"Okay. Send me pics when you go tomorrow." Nodding, he promised he would before they settled into silence. She needed some sleep.

.

"Callie, can you take her to the ambulance bay?" Mark murmured to the ortho resident who nodded. "I needa go talk to the Chief about something."

"Uh, okay." As Mark watched her go the other way, he sighed heavily. Turning the other way, he went for the elevator and stepped inside. Once the doors opened again, he started forward, heading down to the O.R. to check the board. Webber was in O.R. 3 with an appendectomy and it was just finishing. Good.

"Chief, you've got to get that pavement fixed in the ambulance bay," Mark said just as Webber left the scrub room. "Every time Moore comes here, she… she's obsessed with the blood stain."

"Sloan-"

"It's getting out of control." Mark ran a hand through his hair as the Chief finally turned to him. "I can't just leave her like this." Webber finally stopped at the O.R. board, glancing at his head of plastics.

"I'll get it fixed as soon as I can, Mark."

"Make it sooner rather than later."

.

"Are those charts?"

"Yes."

"Who brought them?"

"Ethan. My intern," she explained. He handed her a glass of orange juice as she wrote down notes. "They've been rotating around the other residents. Drives them all crazy because they're not me."

"Well, yeah, there's only one of you," murmured Mark as he stole a kiss from her before leaving her to her devices. "Two more weeks until you can go back to work," he added, flopping onto the bed beside her. Her head twinged at the sudden jolt and she closed her eyes, setting the orange juice on the bedside table.

"Hopefully the sudden movement pain will go away by then." She opened her eyes. "You should get some sleep. You've been at work for a while."

"Sorry. You do okay without me?" She nodded, resuming her charts. Reading it over, she tried to sink into the medical terms but all she found was the aching hole that medicine used to fill. God, she wanted to get back to work.

.

Mark insisted she stay at home for another week until he determined himself that her bone was strong and healed. She argued that, because Callie removed the cast, she's technically allowed to return to work as soon as Derek gave her approval. Which he did five days later.

She only allowed it because she loved him, honestly. So she waited a week. A _whole_ week. He made up for it by teaching her different stitches.

Walking out the parking lot, she took a turn to the ambulance bay. The stain was still there, and she saw a figure, alone in standing there. Shifting her bag on her shoulder, she walked over to see… it was Stan's wife. Stan's widow.

"You're Sara, right?" she asked, spooking the woman out of her reverie. "Sorry."

"Yeah." The shorter woman turned to look at Emily, eyes rimmed red and tears sneaking out of the corners. "You're… you're the one who was trapped under with Stan and Ray. Sorry, I never got your name."

"Emily Moore." Sniffing, the woman extended a hand to shake. The brunette took it briefly before standing beside her, staring at the red stain. "Are you coming or going?" she asked, hazel eyes focused on it.

"Going. Just got off work and Ray's waiting back at home. He needs the help, ever since he got discharged and taking care of him keeps my mind off of Stan. Except… except I can't get him off my mind when that stain is still there."

"Same here," she replied. Sara wiped at her face, sniffing loudly. Together, the two woman continued to look at the stain as if it'd disappear under the joint intensity. It didn't, so Emily held out a hand. Moments later, Sara's palm fit against hers.

.

"Dr. Moore, you're back!" someone exclaimed and she blinked a few times, turning her head to see Charlotte bouncing her way over.

"Where are the others?"

"Over there." She pointed at the nearest nurse's station near the charts. They all sent her looks and she shook her head to herself. Absolutely hopeless.

"I see." Her nose twitched and she sniffed closer to her intern, smelling the tell-tale scent of beer. Catching Michael mid-yawn, she sighed. "Were you drinking last night?"

"Yes." Charlotte's voice was small as they began to walk towards the other three. "O'Malley had a party with Lexie Grey last night." Emily scrunched up her nose as they reached the chart stand, the three males talking about something.

"You so coded," Michael snorted as Liam flushed. Ignoring their antics, she ordered charts. "Welcome back, Dr. Moore,"

"Thank you." She nodded shortly. "I'm sure my absence was missed. Come on. We have rounds. Just 'cause it's my first day back doesn't mean we're going to be waiting around."

.

"Hey, stranger," she greeted, walking in and stopping behind him. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed his cheek, peering at his work. "Have you been here all morning?"

"Yeah. Coffee was gone within minutes." He craned his neck to completely face her and their faces were only millimetres apart as she kissed him. "I can't wait to see you at work, again."

Smiling, he kissed her again before turning to his work. "I can't wait to see you, period." He set down his tools and turned around so she stood between his legs. "You know, you didn't have to stop working?" He ripped off his gloves, scooting closer.

"I need to take you in, completely uninjured." She scoffed to herself as he stood up, running a hand through her curls. The scar on her head was barely there and he kissed her forehead. "No concussion symptoms?"

"Not since my last headache last week. Derek cleared me three days after that, and I am _fine._ " He ran his hands down her arms and she smiled up at him. "I promise, I'm taking it slow."

"No, you're not."

"Okay, I'm not," admitted the woman and he chuckled, tilting her chin up to kiss her. "You know," she said between kisses, "that you're supposed to be doing work."

"I am doing work," he murmured against her lips and she smiled, arms looping around his neck, "making up for all the time I didn't kiss you when I really wanted to."

"Oh, okay." She laughed as he kissed down her neck before pushing him away. "Okay, we have to do work otherwise we'll be fired."

"I mean, no."

"What do you mean, 'no'?" she asked as a knock on the door punctured his reply.

"Hey." Turning, the couple saw Addison Montgomery in the flesh.

"There she is." Mark stepped away from his girlfriend and sat down, turning back to his skin flap and pulling on a new pair of gloves. Emily cleared her throat, leaving with one last kiss on Mark's cheek.

"Just coming in to check on my patient's skin flap," Addison said as Mark squirted water over the petri dish. "I have so many questions about so many things that aren't about the skin flap. You haven't slept with her yet, have you?"

"Can't we just talk about the skin flap?"

"Mark, you're jumpier than I have ever seen you. Are you having sex or are you on some kind of cleanse?"

"I'm suffering from withdrawal," he finally admitted and Addison laughed, "but the wait will be so worth it."

"Why the wait? Is dine and dash no longer a thing for you?" Mark's nose wrinkled and, offended, he turned to Addison.

"Em and I are dating."

This time, Addison's laugh was a longer bout and Mark sighed, pausing in his work. "I'm sorry, you're _dating_? _"_ Trying to calm down, Addison sniffed and wiped an imaginary tear away. "You're dating." Mark opened his mouth and the redhead put out a hand. "Not that I don't like Emily. I love her, she's great. She's funny, smart - but, I can't believe you're actually dating someone."

"She's worth it. I know it." Addison's smile softened at the edges as she gazed at him. "She's all I ever think about sometimes. It's pathetic and it goes against everything I ever said in therapy."

"But, you never felt that way about me, did you? You felt the way Derek felt for Meredith but the way you feel for Emily…. It's different." Addison crossed her arms as Mark nodded to himself, gently lifting his skin flap up with his tiny tweezers. Determining it thick enough - he really outdid himself this time - he placed it carefully back into the petri dish.

"She… it's healing. The way I feel with her," Mark said before shaking himself out of his feely-feely mood. "Can we just talk about the skin flap?"

"Yeah, of course." But even still, Addison could not help the growing smile on her face.

.

After a rather uneventful day in ortho (the attending took all the good cases - curse him), Emily was walking down the hall when she saw a familiar face.

"Addison!"

"Emily?" The OB-GYN had hair shades darker but the face was still as timeless as always. Emily hadn't even noticed earlier with her embarrassment of getting caught kissing Mark. "How are you?"

"Great, I was just about to go to Joe's. Are you coming?"

"Yeah, I guess I'll see you there." Nodding, Emily was about to leave when her voice called after her. "Wait."

"Yeah?"

"You and Mark Sloan…"

"Yeah," she mumbled under her breath. "Is it okay with you?"

"Oh, totally. I am zen and completely fine because I have moved on." Emily arched an eyebrow dubiously and Addison crossed her arms with a slight smile. "Mark Sloan is not one for dating but he will for you. And I expected it because it's always different with you."

"What do you mean?"

"He said he loved me too but he still cheated on me. You and Mark… even when I worked here I knew I couldn't love him like you can. Like you do. And I'd never hold a place in his heart like you do. It's like you carved out your own place and made it home. I was just a visitor. You are a resident." The redhead had a look in her eyes that Emily couldn't decipher. There was something far away in those blue eyes as Addison blinked and returned her focus back to Emily. "I want you to know that I hope you two last because he deserves something good, and I'm sure you do, too."

"Thanks, Addison." Touched, she didn't know what else to say. She didn't exactly expect these words from the woman so she just stood there awkwardly, trying to find words. Emily cleared her throat before realizing, "He cheated on you?" _Will he cheat on me?_

"Remember the sixty-day celibacy pact? And before that, when we were still in NYC, I knew." Frowning, the brunette cocked her head.

"Dr. Montgomery, Mark never slept with anyone during those sixty days," she said and the older surgeon's eyebrows knit together in confusion. "He said it was over because you slept with Alex."

"He said he slept with someone. He couldn't even look me in the eyes for more than a minute." Addison hummed thoughtfully before letting out a 'ha'. "He lied. He lied because he was already in love with you. There was never a competition between you and me, and I'm at peace with that. I think... we're much happier where we are now that if we had gone down another road.

"Dr. Montgomery, should I-"

"You don't need to be worried about Mark cheating on you." Addison ran a hand through her hair, smiling. "He… he's holding out just so he can be with you for the first time. So, no. I don't think you needed to be worried about that because in his eyes, no one can hold a candle to you." Addison, with a final smile, continued on down the hall. Emily was left to her thoughts as she descended a flight of stairs, adjusting her coat around her neck. When she reached the landing, she saw Mark waiting for her.

"How was your first day back?" he said after a while, pressing the elevator button. She shrugged, looping her arm through his.

"Good, 'cept the attending took all the _good_ cases." The brunette scrunched up her nose and he laughed quietly, kissing the top of her head. "How was your skin flap? Did it fit?"

"Yeah. I was _God._ " Snorting, she watched the elevator doors open. Inside was Derek and three others. Meredith, Rose and Addison. Mouth unable to work, she merely smiled. They paused for a moment, taking in the situation before laughing breathlessly. Letting Mark go on first, she squeezed in between Meredith and Addison.

"Unbelievable," muttered the brunette as Mark let out an amused sigh. He leaned in to Derek and she heard his comment about taking the stairs, smacking him lightly. "Hey," she hissed. He glanced back at her with a half-smile and she glared back, leaning against the elevator wall. The rest of the elevator ride was full of uncomfortable silence when finally, Mark glanced around him.

The elevator doors finally opened and it was like breathing in a lungful of air. Derek exited, followed by Mark who couldn't keep the smile off his face. Meredith walked forward first at the same time as Rose and they crashed awkwardly together before both insisting that one of them go first.

"You go."

"No, you can go first."

"Oh, for the love of God let my girlfriend out," Mark said, the entertained expression yet to leave his face. Blushing, Emily walked between the two females which caused a settlement as Meredith left before Rose. "Get your women under control, Derek." The offhanded comment was tossed over his shoulder as Mark wrapped an arm around Emily's shoulders and they walked out the hospital before there could be some kind of argument.

.

"Would you ever cheat on me?" Emily asked, running a towel through her hair. Mark looked up from where he was eating their ordered pizza in her apartment. "I'm just wondering."

"What? Of course not."

"Okay."

"Why? Who gave you the idea?" Emily sat down at the couch, taking a slice and using her other hand to catch any stray drops.

"It's just… I just want to know because… when we were just best friends you slept with nurses like all the time. So I was just wondering." He sighed, leaning on his elbow. "I'm just wondering why you're waiting." Staring at her face, he used his thumb to wipe some sauce away from the corner of his mouth. She finished off her slice and wiped her hands on a stray napkin near the box.

"Why you," he said.

She nodded. "Why me?"

"Because you're everything to me. I… I feel afraid but not afraid of you. More like… like this is my first real chance and I don't want to mess it up with you because with you, it's real and the way I feel is nothing I ever felt before." Letting his arm drop, he rubbed her shoulder closest to the back of the couch as she sighed. "Why me?"

"You're my best friend. You're… Mark. I know everyone sees the guy who cheated with Derek's wife, or the man-candy, but I know you. I know you. I choose you because of who you are. Your kind of damage matches with my kind of damage and you're smart, you're funny. You're sensitive when you want to be. There are reasons to love you. I wish you knew that. I want you to know that."

Touched, he merely looked at the empty space between them. "Okay." Their fingers interlaced and Emily just regarded him through half-shut eyes. "You know, everything's better with you. You heal me, you make me whole."

"That's good that I feel the same way, then," she whispered and he opened his arms. She crawled into them for a long lasting hug as the pizza grew cold and their eyes grew tired.

 **A/N: Edited - September 30, 2018**

 **Next: With Callie's sexuality in question, an unexpected friendship begins to bloom.**


	26. I Want You

**A/N: A not-so-explicit scene at the very end. If it makes you uncomfortable, just skip it anyhow.**

"You know, if you are feeling horny, we could have sex tonight," Emily said idly as they did chart work. Mark raised his eyebrows and she smiled slightly. Her fingers ran through his hair as she closed the binder and nestled in beside him on the oncall bed.

"Really?" She nodded and he sighed. A frown crossed her face and she silently asked him to look at her. "It's just, my NYC shrink said I use sex as a way to mimic the feeling of being loved 'cause I have daddy and mommy issues."

"Oh. Well, I have abandonment issues so, honestly, it's probably not a good idea to have sex so early in our relationship," she said with a shrug. "The crippling anxiety of you possibly leaving me is there."

"I'm not leaving you, jailbait."

"Yeah, well, it hasn't gone well in the past."

"Ah, so we're a pair of fuckups." Humming, she tilted her head up to kiss him.

"Essentially," she whispered as her hand fidgeted with the edge of his scrub shirt.

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

"My last serious relationship was more than five years ago. I've been celibate since." He raised his eyebrows and she closed her eyes, resting on top of him. His hands sat on the small of her back. "It helps focus on the work. I've thought about it, though. The first few months after the relationship broke off. I thought about how I could hurt him back. Sleep with his best friend, sleep with his sister, sleep with anyone at a bar because I wanted to show him I could move on as fast as he could."

"He cheated on you?"

"Yeah. With medicine," she said listlessly and he kissed her forehead. "It just wasn't working out and I depended on him more than I should have. That's what really messed me up, falling back to square one and being alone." Her chin on his chest, her eyebrows knit together when his eyes narrowed.

"Wait, did you say sleep with his sister?"

"Too much of a dick move?"

"I just didn't know you were into girls," he said and she wrinkled her nose at his chest, tilting her head up to kiss the column of his throat.

"Well, I'm into _you_ now, so don't worry your pretty little head."

"Oh, I won't."

.

The rain pounded down on her as it splattered like thunder. She shivered, sucking in a quivering breath as her hair plastered to her head. She could barely see but there were was something warmer than the rain trailer her cheeks.

The blood stain was still there, and this time Sara was here too. The past few days Emily had left and came, the woman wasn't anywhere in sight, but this time she was. Sometimes they clashed. It was always the same spot.

"Sara, you should go inside," Emily managed to say between puffing breaths. Sara squeezed their joined hands and looked to the brunette beside her.

"I'll go if you go," she said with a barely concealed sniff. Emily wiped hair away from her face, trying to see clearly but found she couldn't. The rain blurred her vision - or was that her tears - and she merely stared at the slowly fading stain. It was there, ingrained in her memory. She just couldn't let it go. She needed it gone.

It felt like hours passed before the rain stopped over their head. It still thundered around the two women but when Emily looked around, she saw Mark holding an umbrella above their heads. "Come on, let's get you two inside. You're freezing." The two women glance at each other before they turned around. Mark followed after them, umbrella in hand.

.

"Dr. Torres, can we move the arthroplasty up an hour? Mark needs Kate for his surgery." The Latina snapped out of her daze to gaze at the resident where they stood before the O.R. board.

"Yeah, sure, whatever. Hey, Mark told me you're bi." Blinking, she turned her head slowly towards the orthopedic surgeon. The statement was so blunt it caught her off guard completely.

"I - uh, excuse me?"

"Do you like girls and guys?"

"Yes?"

"Okay, I need your help." Emily didn't like where that was going.

.

"How's Cristina?"

"In the morgue," Alex replied as he inserted money into the vending machine. "The Burke thing's got her messed up."

"I mean, can you blame her?" she asked quietly as the nurses pointedly ignored her boyfriend. It wasn't her problem especially since she had to convince nurses to work with him and was kinda sick and tired of them all complaining to _her_ as if she had _any_ control over what he did before when they were just friends. He walked after Rose and disappeared from her sight, past their hallway as Alex reached down and grabbed the bag of chips. "Are they still boycotting his surgeries?"

"Yeah. He's been trying to get people to talk to them for him. Maybe you should, all the nurses love you. Especially the Sapphics." Whipping around, she shoved him casually.

"No, because I did that before we were together and I'm sick of it," she remarked and Alex knuckled her head affectionately. "Is Ava staying with you at Mer's?"

"How'd you-"

"Izzie. Heard she was knocked up too. Great job. So?"

"Yeah, until I get enough for a security deposit. Whatever,"

"Yeah, whatever. You're just becoming a dad." Her smile grew at his red cheeks and she jabbed her elbow into his ribs. "I'm kind of proud 'cause you're taking responsibility."

"Thanks."

.

"He _forgot_ he had sex with me?"

"Am I allowed to sit here?" Emily asked as Alex left. "Great, he leaves without me. I even got him a box of apple juice. I - what's this?" She directed it to George who held out a blue and white form. "Sexual relations?"

"For the Chief."

"Uh…." she trailed off.

"Pen?" The brunet offered her a writing utensil and she looked up, shocked. "Come on, Em. Have you even slept with Sloan, yet?"

"No."

"Then, what's the problem?"

Again, Lexie repeated her statement causing people to look at her. "Lex, you alright?"

"Alex Karev forgot he slept with me."

"That's low, even for him." Emily agreed, offering the apple juice. "Will this make you feel better?" The younger Grey took it, opening the package with the plastic straw. "There, sip it, drink it in. Better?"

"Yeah, thanks."

"I need your-" George coughed awkwardly- "form." Smiling and shaking her head, she clicked the pen.

"Oh, shut up George," she grumbled, signing it quickly. "Have your stupid, stupid form."

.

"Okay, hold on to that tendon… good. Now, I can repair the rotator cuff easier." Callie said casually and Emily felt uncomfortable as she looked into the pair of magnifying lenses.

"Callie, remember when you said you needed my help?" she prompted and the woman made a noise of recognition.

"Right, okay. So, I am confused." She manoeuvred the instruments carefully, repairing the muscle as Emily nodded slightly. "Like, I don't know what is wrong with me, I don't know what I should do… I just don't understand. When Addison was here-" The woman's voice lowered- "she made some comments about Erica and I as - as a couple and now it's been awkward and I've been avoiding her and-"

"So? You being confused is part of the process," Emily said as Callie moved to the next muscle.

"See? You just proved my next point. You know exactly what's happening and what to do and I don't." Realization dawned on the brunette and she drew back and stared at the older woman incredulously.

"You - I - so, wait. You want me to-"

" _Emily,_ please _._ "

"Well, it's really sudden and I didn't even know you were going through this and I don't really know you so it's kind of awkward to ask."

"You're dating my friend."

"Don't use Mark as your leverage," Emily said and returned her gaze through the microscope. "You used Mark as your leverage," she sighed, moving the retractor slightly. "Whatever. Fine. All aboard." She could hear the smile in Callie's voice as she ordered her to take out the instruments.

.

Emily saw the mass congregation of nurses and looked over the balcony to see the Chief Resident and her boyfriend standing in front of them. Bailey was saying something as she leaned over, listening in.

"This man is a whore, has always been a whore." Mouth dropping open, she could barely contain her smile at his shocked expression. "But, I mean, that's not a secret. He's not keeping it hidden. You all knew who he was before you got involved with him. And now you want to be all, 'Woe is me, he doesn't call me back, he's dating other women.' He's _nasty,_ but he's a doctor here and a pretty good one. So let us all close _our_ knees and get back to _our_ jobs so he can get back to his jobs and help the people who really need it." She could clap for that speech if she could. Mark looked up and saw her, making a puppy-dog face and she shook her head in amusement. "Disperse."

As the nurses did as told, she descended the stairs and up to him as the Chief Resident sent an appraising glance over the two of them. They blushed as he wrapped an arm around her waist, sharing sheepish looks.

"Why am I not surprised you two found each other?" They didn't answer as Bailey continued, "Take him home. He's a mess."

"Of course, Dr. Bailey."

"Leave." They jumped, turning around and walking away as fast as they could. When they finally walked around a corner, they shared a look and began laughing. She rested her head on his shoulder, smiling as he kissed her.

"I think I saved a bunch of nurses from you."

"Mmm, maybe you did but I don't need them. I've got you." Despite his flimsy comment, she frowned at the dark glint in his eyes. Cupping his face, she frowned. He was an open book to read.

"Are you okay?"

"All my surgeries got cancelled, and it just felt like crap."

"Mark," she breathed, running a hand through his hair. "Mark, do you wanna talk or… I don't know. I'm asking as the best friend here."

"Later?" he asked and she nodded, extending a hand.

"Okay. Let's go home."

 _Home._ The word felt strangely right on her tongue despite living in a hotel room. She knew it was right.

.

 _Home._ How long had it been since his girlfriend actually went to her own apartment? There were clothes littered everywhere in his hotel room, both hers and his and her scent clung to everything. It made it home. He'd never really had a _home._ His house with his parents wasn't really a home, not without the people he loved under its roof. The flat with Derek during their residency was barely occupied by both of them at the same time. His condo in New York when he became an attending screamed single man. But now, in the most unlikely place did he find a home. A hotel, where most people used to have a place away from their own.

It scared him and excited him at the same time. She made him the happiest he'd ever been for a long while; she was a constant he needed. She was… she was. There was poetry in her smile and secrets in her eyes and he ached to find out every single one slowly as they grew together.

For the first time, Mark Sloan wanted to marry a girl, for real.

He swallowed as the elevator doors opened, trying to pulverize the fear and stoke the joy. After all, they were in a good place - _he_ was in a good place. But then he thought back to his ways, his… womanizing ways and thought of how Bailey came to his defence. He was like that, and she wasn't. They were two ends of a spectrum and maybe that's why it somehow worked. Why the power balance to destroy each other was equal in each other's hands.

What if he cheated? What if she broke his heart and decided he wasn't enough anymore?

A terrible balance.

"The most refined, professional, ladylike doctor in this hospital came to my defence tonight. The best she could come up with was, 'He's a whore.' I'm a whore," he admitted softly, turning to look at Derek. He stared straight ahead, thinking of what to say next before his head rotated to look at his best friend.

"I slept with her. The whole time I was thinking about Meredith." Mark felt his resolve melt slightly at the defeated tone of the neurosurgeon. "Who's the bigger whore?" His eyes flickered to the floor before facing forward again.

"I'm scared I love her."

"That's not something a whore would do." Derek remarked softly and he nodded slightly.

"Yeah." He sighed, shoving his hands into his pockets as the doors opened. "See you,"

"Bye."

The doors opened and he saw her waiting there, all pristine and in that cream-colored coat. Her hair was up in a bun and she had a slight smile.

"Hey, Mark," she said as Mark got off the elevator with a peck to her forehead. Turning to Derek, she offered a smile. "Goodnight, Derek."

"Night, you two," he replied as the doors closed. Mark sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose as they started the walk to his car.

"As your best friend talking, it's not healthy to keep it in." She looked up at him as they reached his car. The night was an inky black but the moon was yellow today instead of its usual pale white. It was warmer than a few days ago when it was pouring and the wind was gentle in their hair. "And as your girlfriend, I want you to be able to talk to me and because I adore you as both my boyfriend and my best friend."

He had nothing to say to that and he brushed hair swaying into her face behind her ear. Kissing her nose, he knew that she was right. "I adore you, too," he said before opening the door for her. The expression on her face was one of heavy doubt but she reluctantly allowed him to drive both of them home.

.

"You've been in there for thirty minutes," Emily said into the steamy air. She was turning away from Mark in the bathroom as she brushed her teeth. The mirrors were all fogged and she used her free palm to wipe away the moisture. When she noticed he was just standing there in the reflection, she rinsed her mouth and turned around, leaning against the marble countertop.

"Mark."

He turned his head and wiped the glass to look at her and she flushed heavily. They weren't the people to be together naked yet, and she didn't know where to look besides his eyes. When she didn't say anything, he resumed to leaning on the wall with his arms, letting the water run over his back as if washing away the day. If he stood there any longer and the drain was clogged, he'd probably drown.

She sighed and pushed off the counter, placing a hand on the knob.

"Mark, talk to me." When he didn't answer, she decided enough was enough. Gathering her last strands of courage, she undid the knot of her pajama pants and pushed them off her hips so they fell to the floor Underwear soon following, she pulled her shirt over her head. Her clothes in a pile on the ground, Emily swallowed and pushed apart the doors before stepping in. The heat of the shower slid over her skin and coated her as she tried to prevent her eyes from straying.

The pelting water stung but as she forced herself to stay in the hot stream longer, she found herself adjusting as she wrapped her arms around Mark's middle. Her cheek against his back, she closed her eyes.

"If you want me to go, all you need to do is say it," she whispered over the quiet hiss of the shower. His back rose and fell with each breath as he finally let out a heavy sigh, straightening up. Her hands fell away as he turned around, hair plastered to his face. She brushed it away, not knowing whether the shower was hotter or her face.

"Stay," he murmured, cupping her face and she nodded, fingers wrapping around his wrists. Their foreheads pressed together for a moment before he moved his head down to her shoulder. His hands slid to her waist, holding her close and her hands came around the nape of his neck, stroking the tiny tails of his hair. "I'm a whore."

"No, you're not." Her reply was instant, instinct. She believed in this, she really did. "Look at me. _Look_ at me." He raised his head and she smiled up at him. "You aren't if you're in this with me. If you are in this with me, then you're in a committed relationship and you don't let them define you. And, so what? So what if you are? Does that stop you from being the same man you are now?"

"Who I am now? Who is that?"

"You are… Mark. You are the man who I want to spend the rest of my life with. You are the best plastics surgeon I've ever seen. You are the man who will change the face of surgery with your facial reanimation. You are smart, and funny, and you make me laugh even when I don't want to. You being a whore doesn't change any of that for me because I know you. I know your heart." Her smile grew as his eyes softened. She brushed his face with her knuckles as her other hand fit itself to his cheek.

"And before my boyfriend, you are my best friend. And I love the best friend who buys me coffee every morning he can. I love the best friend who now holds me to sleep at night but used to stay on the phone with me until I fell asleep. I love the best friend who knows all my favourite things. Being a whore doesn't change that. Being a whore isn't even a bad thing because you're still a person; you're a person who goes beyond for his friends. I don't care what the nurses say. Because, Mark Sloan, I want you, and damn it if I'm gonna let a couple of nurses make you think you're less just because you have a lot of sex. I don't slut-shame. They shouldn't either because it's none of their business anyway."

At this point, Mark had fallen into a total silence and she frowned, hoping that her words didn't stun him into silence. She realized how close they were to each other, how bare and _naked_ she was, and she couldn't remember the last time she felt like this. So obviously shy.

"You're the most perfect woman," he managed to say and she opened her mouth to retort that no, no one is perfect, but before she could, his mouth smashed against hers. Arms around his neck, she deepened the kiss as she was scooped up into his arms and pinned against the wall.

.

Mark knew sex. That was just fact. He knew fast and hot and exhausting. He knew rough and hard and emptiness. He knew in and out, leave before morning, and ghosting.

But with her, it was… it was slow. It was warm, instead of hot, exhilarating instead of exhausting. As her fingers curled over his hand, her throat bared as a quiet sound escaped her throat, Emily crooned and praised and whispered under her breath.

It was soft, and tender, and fulfilling. There was a tension pulling in his chest, aching for more contact as her hand flew to his back, arching into his chest. He took in her face, pretty eyes shut and face shining with sweat, as her legs bent and she pulled him closer greedily.

Their movements were unsure, still trying to acquainted with each other, but each movement had a purpose, there was nothing wasted, as he pressed kiss after kiss against her throat and face and mouth. He was drunk off the sight of her in his bed and in his arms, brown hair a mess and cheeks rosy.

His hips rolled as he tasted mint on her tongue. The hand on his back trailed down his neck to cradle his jaw as she squeezed their joined hands. His head was light and his heart was in his throat and in his stomach all at once. As her abdomen tensed and her legs snuck around his waist, crossed at his back, she mumbled something about how close it was. Hoisting her closer, he heard her hitched breath in his ear as he bit down on the juncture between her neck and shoulder. He let go of her hand and it joined the other at the nape of his neck, holding him to her collarbones as he buried one hand into her hair and the other gripped her waist.

She gasped his name, arching so perfectly to fit him as he wrapped his arm around her waist and held her to him, trying to chase the feeling. Her hair spilled like a tumbling waterfall of molten chocolate and he groaned, biting her shoulder.

Their pants fill the air, and the haze of after-sex made both of them glow like gods. She sunk deeper into the bed, eyes finally prying open as he lazily pushed twice more before lying down beside her, fingers tracing absent circles on her taut abdomen. She turned her head towards him dazedly and he kissed her swollen lips

"Good?" he whispered against her mouth because he hadn't ever done this slow, this tender, this fulfilling, ever before. She nodded, dream-like, and winced when she moved a leg too quickly.

"Very good," she said quietly and he laughed against her mouth. Her leg slid between his as he gently nipped the shell of her ear. Smiling devilishly, Emily pushed him onto his back and rolled on top of him. She leaned over, her hair a curtain over one shoulder as she kissed him, sweet as nectar. "Then, we're good for round two?"

"Of course," he said with his trademark smirk. She matched it with one of her own as their hands joined together, fingers squeezing.

Mark Sloan knew sex, but he didn't know what lovemaking was until that very night.

 **A/N: Edited - September 30, 2018**

 **Next: When a familiar face shows up at Seattle Grace, Emily is forced to reconsider her position at Seattle Grace and what it means for her and Mark.**


	27. The Return

"Why can't you walk like a normal person?"

"Sex," Emily managed to say as she limped to the nurse's station.

"So you and Sloan finally did it?" Cristina asked, glancing over from the nurse's station's office chair. She had her legs propped up on the desk as Emily rubbed at her neck with a held back flinch. Her neck was completely marked with red and a slight purple and if her scrub shirt shifted too far to one side, one could see the bite marks along the planes of her shoulders.

"All weekend," Emily sighed helplessly. "I feel like we christened everything in that hotel room. Twice." Taking out the binders, she felt the muscle underneath her arm that ran near her ribs protest. "Ow."

"When was the last time you had sex?" Cristina smirked and Emily rolled her neck, trying to keep herself awake. "To be honest, I thought you were a virgin."

"Thanks." Emily glared at her friend who proceeded to poke at the styrofoam cup with her paperclips. "Cristina, what is going on?"

"Do you ever think Sloan's gonna cheat on you? He's done it before," she said, "so what's stopping him from doing it again with you? He says he's serious but what makes you take him seriously? Honestly, if I were you, I'd run fast and far away. No one wants sloppy seconds, especially after Mark Sloan's done with you, 'cause then you're just pining over someone who never wanted _you_ in the first place."

"Cristina-" Emily stopped before she could say anything. She swallowed a knot in her throat and took a deep breath. "You know, I hope you feel better about the Burke thing soon," she said instead, taking the binders and leaving.

.

"When was the last time you called a woman after having sex?"

"That's changed. Don't need to call the woman when she basically lives in my hotel room. I'm turning over a new leaf."

"What was wrong with the old leaf? So they called you a whore. You're a happy guy with Em."

.

"Are you okay?" he whispered, kissing her shoulder as she burrowed closer. His hands played with her hair as he pressed another kiss to the juncture of her neck and shoulder. "Em?"

"I don't want you to go," she said quietly into his bare chest. His legs caught on hers and he tugged her closer. His hand ran over her shoulder and hugged her close as Emily closed her eyes. The skin to skin contact burned and he sighed against her hair, trying to find a way to mould her closer to his body.

"I won't go." He knew it was one of her moods where she became insecure in herself. He simply held her as she let out a sharp breath against his chest. "We should take a shower, and then order some food, and then we can watch your favourite movies." Her arms wrapped around his middle. "Sound like a plan?"

"Okay." Tossing off the covers, he pulled her up and guided her to the bathroom, their naked bodies pressing together like two pieces that had found their right place on the puzzle.

.

Emily swirled the glass of red wine as Callie groaned, burying her face in a pillow. "Honestly, does Mark make you think of Erica that much? With her blonde hair and dazzling blue eyes. Her strong, strong hands…" A sly smile curved her lip as Callie threw the Archfield pillow at her. Yelping, she managed to move the glass of wine out of the way, taking the blow to her face. Pulling the pillow off, she smacked Callie's legs with it. The brunette let it stay on the woman's legs as she leaned back into the headboard. The Latina, meanwhile, head near the end of the bed, just poured herself more wine.

"Shut up about Erica Hahn. Both of you are exactly the same. You and Mark are _exactly_ the same." There was something about her complexion, cheeks dusted with rose and her pupils dilated that made Emily narrow her eyes.

"What is wrong with you?" Her raking gaze returned to the tanned woman's face and her mouth popped open. "You guys kissed."

"She kissed me."

"And?" she prompted, pushing the pillow down and sipping her wine. Licking her lips, she watched the woman struggle for words.

"It was different and new and I don't know what it means," she finally said, downing the rest of the scarlet liquid and pouring a hefty amount back into the glass.

"Did you… like it?"

"I don't know." There was a pause and the woman nodded, "Yes. I - yeah. I like kissing, kisses are good."

"Well, ask her to kiss you more. More's always good. Love is love." Emily shrugged as the lock clicked and the door opened, revealing Mark. "Hey!" He shrugged off his brown coat and leapt onto the bed, landing right next to Callie as he drank straight from the bottle. Scooting up beside his girlfriend, Mark shoved Callie's legs. The ortho resident sat up, pouting,

"We talking about Hahn and Torres?"

"Yeah."

"It's not as easy as it sounds. She only kissed me because of Mark."

"He does have his way around women," Emily agreed and Mark leaned over for a kiss which she happily gave. "You know, you could just ask. Ask what it meant for her." Mark poured the rest of the wine to Emily when she held out her glass for more before getting up to get another bottle.

"Or, you could make a deal to kiss her and then end up together somehow because even though you became best friends, the _chemistry_ was just so powerful," Mark called back and Emily rolled her eyes.

"That is a gross oversimplification of it," the brunette replied as he returned, a fresh bottle of wine in his hands.

"I hate you. Both of you, you sick, happy people."

"Oh, I hate me, too." Mark uncorked the bottle as he said this and Emily nodded along to his words before adding to it herself.

"Yeah, honestly, we're disgusting. Happiness is overrated. We should go back to being sad and pining."

"Okay, you both knew what I meant!"

Breaking into laughter, the couple leaned against each other as Callie took the bottle from Mark and glowered at them playfully. When she filled up her glass, the woman set the bottle near the floor and pouted.

"I'm grateful you two are together, it's just really annoying you two have it figured out."

"Absolutely."

"I know right."

Callie sighed, "I hate both of you."

The two at the head of the bed shared looks and Emily reached to hold onto the woman's free hand.

"But seriously, we're with you. No matter what." At that, Callie smiled slightly and squeezed their joined hands.

.

"Hey, Em!" Turning around, she looked up to see Mark with Sara. "I need to show you something."

"Why's Sara here?" she asked warily after saying a quick hello.

"Because I need to show you something."

"He wouldn't tell me what it was either," the woman said truthfully. "I'll see you around, Emily." The woman left and Emily watched him go for a moment before turning back to her boyfriend.

"You told her already? What is it?" Mark cupped her jaw and kissed her between the eyebrows. "Mark!" Emily sighed, putting away her charts and following after him. Pulling her lab coat tight around herself, she scowled.

They walked through the E.R. It was quiet, a few patients here and there as they were treated for minor injuries. She spotted one of her interns doing stitches. She did assigned them to the E.R earlier that day, so she was thankful they were doing okay. The doors slid open to the ambulance bay and she sighed, rolling her eyes.

"Mark, there aren't even any traumas. It's cold!"

"Look." She sighed and followed his gesture to the bloodstain.

Or, what was the bloodstain.

Emily felt her insides turn over when she saw that it wasn't there. Her eyes met fresh pavement. There was no stain.

All at once, she let out a jittery sigh and closed her eyes, trying to comprehend it.

"It's not there," she whispered and Mark held her to his side, pressing a kiss to the side of her head.

"It's gone, jailbait."

"It's gone. He's… Stan's gone." Her throat squeezed and she turned to bury her face into Mark's shirt. "Stan's gone." His hand pressed her head to his chest and she tried to calm her breathing. It was as if a huge weight lifted off her shoulders as she clutched onto him - not crying, but merely needing the support to stand. She didn't think her knees could take it if she were here on her own.

 _Stan's gone._

 _And I'm still here._

She felt like she could fly.

 _I am still alive._

.

Today was the first day Emily had left through this side of the hospital in weeks. The sound of the doors automatically opening didn't accompany her step and instead of grey walls, she saw the trees and benches. Mark held her hand as they walked out with Callie, and proceeded to watch as Callie went up to Dr. Hahn to make her move.

"Go, Callie. Making the first move." She paused to watch them for a moment beofre tearing her gaze away. Resting her head on Mark's shoulder, they began walking to his car when suddenly he stopped. "What is it?" She followed his gaze to the now kissing women. "I'm proud. Is that too weird to say?"

"No." His voice was soft and her gaze drifted up to him. His icy eyes stared back at her and something warm flickered in its depths. "Come on. Let's get to the car."

Continuing on their way to the parking lot, they were silent until they were nearly to the car. When he spoke up, it nearly spooked her but the warm timbre of his voice calmed her down.

"We should find a place to call our home." She knew the shock showed on her features but it melted under his smile. He turned her to face him and he rubbed her arms. "Not some hotel room but our _own_ place."

"Okay," she agreed. "Okay, as long as you're sure." She took his jaw in her hand, brushing his cheek with her thumb. He placed his hand on top of hers and sighed, pressing a kiss to her palm.

"Oh, I'm not," he said shakily. "I don't know if we should do this so early - we've only been dating for, like, three months." She smiled, twisting her hand to hold onto his and placing a hand on his shoulder. "But you were in an ambulance crash."

"Yeah, but I'm better now," she promised, leaning up and kissing his nose. "The stain is gone and… it's like I'm free." Smiling slightly, she added, "I don't want to rush you, but if you want to take a leap, I'll take it with you."

"Let's leap," he whispered, ensnaring her lips in a long kiss.

.

Snow had begun falling in Seattle in autumn. A sure fire sign of global warming, Emily had said to Mark that morning. As Emily ran to the coffee cart, she rubbed her hands and felt her teeth chatter throughout her order. The cups warmed her freezing hands as she paid for her order and dashed back towards where her friends were meeting without spilling the hot liquid. Swerving past nurses and orderlies, she spotted the congregation and ran up.

"Is it up?" she asked breathlessly, handing her boyfriend the second cup of coffee as Bailey shook her head. Mark held out his free arm and she stood in the v of his legs, leaning against him. He chuckled heartily, sneaking a kiss to her temple.

"Back up, you're sucking all my oxygen."

"I'm trying to see," Derek protested, looking at the screen.

"It's not up yet, there's nothing to see," Bailey snapped as Cristina bounced up and down impatiently. Hahn insisted that it was supposed to be up fifteen minutes ago as Emily looped a hand around Mark's shoulders. He leaned into her as well, sipping the coffee and checking his watch.

"It's 4:15."

"Hit the refresh button, you have to reload the page," Cristina said, reaching forward to touch the keyboard before being smacked away by Bailey.

"I'm hitting the refresh button every ten seconds. Just wait." Meredith approached them, asking the same question as Derek greeted the blonde. Alex walked up.

"Is it up yet?"

"No, wait!"

"I'm thinking we move up a slot. We pass Hopkins," Mark opined, leaning forward to read the computer screen. Derek disagreed as Hahn suggested that Mayo could surge forward and they could be three.

"Three? Pessimist."

"Realist. The rankings of teaching hospitals change based on any number of things."

"Three is top five. I can live with three."

"Just hit the refresh button,"

"Get - stay back. I'm doing this," Bailey snapped, slapping his hand away. Izzie finally arrived, out of breath. She nudged between Hahn and Alex, bending down to read the computer.

"Hey, is it up yet?"

"No!"

"Here, just hit the refresh-"

"I am hitting the refresh - okay, all of you, back up. Stop hovering, stop speculating." Emily wrinkled her nose, hitching up a leg atop of Mark's. He raised his eyebrows at the Chief Resident, rubbing the back of his neck with his free hand. "The rankings will go up when they go up. We have no control over when they're posted." Emily's gaze drifted over to the screen and there was a blue loading icon, swirling around and she stared intently, waiting for the list to show up. "When it is up, I will say, 'It is up.' Until then, back up, shut up and leave me alone so I can push the-"

"It's up." They all crowded around the screen, reading the list.

"Number one, Hopkins, number two, Mayo."

"Told ya."

"Three, Cleveland Clinic? "

"What?" Derek muttered as Emily leaned forward.

"Four, Mass Gen."

"What?" Mark echoed in her ear. Emily sighed when she didn't see their name in the top five.

"Wait, wait. We moved down to five?" Bailey clicked for the next five and shook her head slightly.

"No, we are not five." Another click of the mouse and there, next to number twelve was their name. Between the Brigham and Women's Hospital and Stanford Health-Care was Seattle Grace Hospital at number twelve.

"Can you live with twelve?" Emily breathed in Mark's ear as they took it in. The air was filled with disappointment and disapproval, and they began to disperse. Alex and Izzie walked away, talking about something and Mark, after a peck on the cheek, walked off with Derek.

Taking out her phone, she asked a nurse at the nearest nurse's station to page her interns, knowing they'd come running.

.

"Just wondering but what do you see in Dr. Sloan?" Emily raised her head from where she was watching Michael and Liam perform sutures. Charlotte was trying to intubate one of the dummies and she called out.

"Visualize the chords, then pull up."

"I'm trying!"

"Calm down. It won't help a patient if their doctor is panicking." The redhead nodded and the brunette resident turned to the intern. She looked a bit frazzled, charts in arms. "Why do you ask?"

"'Cause he's a complete ass to George, and I was just wondering how on Earth he got _you_ as a girlfriend, because in my opinion you're complete opposites and he's such an _ass_ while you, you're watching your interns intubate and sew and you're _teaching_ -"

"Lexie," Emily started patiently and the younger woman shut up, "you're rambling."

"Sorry."

"Mark is Prince Charming." Lexie snorted, covering her mouth with her fingers and Emily rolled her eyes. "And he's Han Solo. He's everything in between." Twirling her pen, she watched Michael finish his stitches. "Good, just space them more evenly apart." Turning back to Lexie, Emily continued, "You know, you don't have to give him a chance but he'll impress you anyways. He's an irreplaceable surgeon and he makes me laugh even when I don't want to. He… he gets my kind of silence and he's my best friend. He will always be my best friend."

"Even if he's a complete ass?"

"I've asked him to work on that before," she mumbled. "You should get back to work, Lex."

"Yeah, okay, thanks." The brunette offered a smile to the intern who was rushing away before turning her gaze to Charlotte who had managed to get the tube in.

.

"I was paged. More MVCs?" Emily asked as the ambulances rolled in. Bailey nodded and ran to one of the rigs as it slowed to a stop.

"Vincent Kenner, fifty eight. Unrestrained backseat passenger of the limo that took a nosedive. Laceration to the scalp and crush injuries-"

"You should probably get a neuro consult. I think he has a depressed skull fracture and abdominal bleeding, and definitely needs a cardio attending," a new voice interrupted and the paramedics opened the other door to reveal a man in camouflage, his arm stained with blood and his hand grasping a scalpel. His other hand was deep in the patient's chest, unmoving and plugging the wound. "I can feel the aortic tear, my hand's right on it."

"What the…"

"We didn't do it. He did!" the paramedic exclaimed as they began wheeling him into the hospital. His eyes were hard at the paramedic but the hazel color didn't go unnoticed by her.

"Noah?" At his name, the man's features softened and a flicker of recognition passed both of them.

"Emi," he breathed and she ran ahead of them, opening the door for them.

"You know how to make an entrance."

"Yeah, I do. I'd hug you but my hand…"

"Later." After hooking up the monitors, she asked for an ultrasound machine before paging cardio. Cristina came in and they shared a look as a small smile broke on the Asian's face. The peds surgeon shifted around the E.R. staff as Emily gave him a new pair of gloves, taking the scalpel from his hand.

"Big Moore. Welcome back to civilization,"

"Funny, Yang. Take a look at his abdomen but be careful, my hand's on his aortic tear." Cristina took the wand as soon as it came and Emily snipped his shirt away, covering him with blankets but leaving his chest bare for Cristina to look at. Using her stethoscope, she listened to his heart as Noah smiled slightly. "Let's get scans on his head injury." Cracking his neck, he sighed.

"What is it, No'?"

"He needs an O.R. Also, I'm very tired."

"Very mature," she drawled as Derek and Hahn entered. "Vincent Kenner, fifty-eight. Unrestrained backseat passenger of a limo that took a nosedive. Large scalp lac and muffled heart sounds," she reported as Derek went to the head of the patient. His eyes drifted over to Noah before widening.

"Noah?"

"That's a common reaction today. Hey, Derek." They were interrupted as the wife came in before being returned back to her bed by Izzie. Noah blinked for a moment before returning to watch an intern pull in a machine for the scans. "Well, am I right? Depressed skull fracture?" Derek manned it, watching as the scans came out and put it against the light.

"Compressed," he corrected, setting it down and shining the flashlight in the man's eyes as Hahn sidled in beside Emily and listened to his lungs.

"He's also got decreased breath sounds bilaterally. This guy's getting an express ticket to the O.R."

"Would've thought so seeing as my hand is kind of on his aortic tear?" Noah added and Hahn shot him a look. "Sorry, Noah Moore. I just got back from leave."

" _The_ Noah Moore?"

"Yeah, we don't have time for this right now. Let the Chief know we're coming up. Someone tell him I need privileges, scrubs, and maybe a coffee." Derek shot his old friend a look and Hahn eyed the brunet as Emily sighed, taking the clipboard and filling it in before handing it to Derek to sign.

"Yeah, well, I can get one of my interns to give you an espresso shot," Emily teased and Noah laughed.

"An intern! You really are grown up to be raising your own tiny surgeons." Rolling her eyes, she took back the clipboard before heading for the phone to book an O.R.

.

"Aortic clamp." Noah, now gowned and gloved asked for the tool which was placed in his hand as he worked on the heart. "It was nice operating with Derek again. Nostalgic, in a way. And it's our first time operating together, Emi."

"Yeah, it's pretty cool," she admitted, watching as he worked efficiently on the heart. "Damn, I've watched you do it before but I'll never get over how you do it so fast."

"Practice." She snorted, peering deeper into the cavity.

"I get it, you're old. Suction?" He nodded. Cristina entered, being gowned before coming in beside the Chief as Noah checked for more damage.

"I think that the number twelve ranking was a mistake. I think it was a clerical error, and I'm going to start making calls about it as soon as I get out of this surgery." Webber stated, looking at his fellow surgeons. Noah chuckled, glancing at his old mentor before returning to his work. "Would you like a spot, Moore? It'd be good publicity. The _mythical_ Noah Moore, the greatest innovator in peds surgery in a long time."

"That's a big inflation of my ego, sir. I actually needed to discuss that with my sister. Harper Avery-" Her eyes widened at the name- "had actually offered me a job the second I came back and asked if my sister would like to tag along."

"Harper Avery - _the_ Harper Avery?" Emily repeated, glancing at Cristina with wide eyes. "Me? In Boston? You're not joking?"

"Nope. So don't run away as soon as we're done."

"I won't," she promised teasingly.

"Prepare the Dacron graft, Yang. Emily, fill in for her. I hear you're interested in cardio, Yang, so I'm about to teach you how I repair an aortic tear." Hahn didn't protest, even watched in awe as Cristina pulled away to prepare the graft. Emily raised her hands away from the heart, passing the suction to a nurse to hold before sidling in beside the Chief.

"So, I've been observing teaching styles," Hahn began as Emily picked up the bovie. The cardiothoracic surgeon was working on the lungs while Noah worked on the heart. "Shepherd likes to teach by thinking out loud, Bailey is blunt and direct and doesn't over teach, and Sloan… Well, Sloan just likes to berate and humiliate and play favorites." The blonde stared at Emily who flushed, eyes on the cavity.

"I think if you really want to learn about teaching, you should talk to your students," Webber cut in before Noah could question the look. Emily was grateful for it as the surgeon flashed the younger woman a glance, "find out how they learn best. Yang?"

"Oh, that's not necessary, sir." The woman looked up startled from where she brought the graft to Noah.

"Are you serious about this or not, Dr. Hahn?"

The surgeon acquiesced, looking at Cristina expectantly. The black-haired woman cleared her throat, stating the socratic method was how she learned best.

"Well, that's the cornerstone of medical teaching. It's what we do in rounds,"

"Well, not everyone does it," Cristina shot back and Noah raised his eyebrows, clearly taken aback, "some people simply tell you what to do." At this, Hahn went on the defensive.

"Who? Are you talking about me?"

"It's okay, Dr. Yang. Dr. Hahn is eager to learn. You can be honest."

The next moments were pierced by the monitors beeping. Blood began to flood the field and Emily exchanged the bovie for suction. Noah immediately pulled back, looking at his work before his eyes darted down towards them. Emily asked for lap pads, suctioning as much blood as she could.

"He's crashing. Get me an aortic clamp," Noah ordered.

"I can't get a handle on this bleeding in his liver. We may just have to start doing damage control soon." Digging her hands in, she scooped out blood by the handful. "Hang another unit of O-Neg. What's his pressure?"

Emily's eyes darted to the monitor. "Ninety systolic." Webber continued to push around the organs to find the tear as Emily stuffed more lap pads in.

"I see a tear in the renal artery. Moore, are you familiar with the single-layer continuous closure?"

"I've only done it a few times, sir," she informed as Noah glanced around. "Never on organs." Webber chanced a glance at her brother before lowering his mask near her ear.

"Sloan taught you well. I know he did."

"Where is that blood?" barked Noah. A nurse hung another litre as Hahn glanced at the beeping monitors.

"B.P's still dropping."

"Okay, max out on levophed and keep pushing the blood," said Webber. "Get in there and stitch, Moore."

Breathing in, she envisioned Mark's hands teaching her how to do it on banana. Endless hours during her recovery suturing. Her eyes stared at the bleeding liver as gradually, the beeping faded away into background noise and the tools were placed firmly in her hands. Holding them, she swallowed and asked for more suction. Her eyes flickered up to the Chief who nodded before going to Noah, his eyes determined. _You can do it._

" _It's easy once you get the hang of it. Here, take the needle and make sure you don't mash it. The body may be tougher than it looks but it's still frail. You've got to find the perfect balance. Here, you're pressing too hard. Your forceps can completely destroy the muscle and skin if you aren't careful. They do it in general too, if they're really in a bind." He tilted his head thoughtfully. His hands covered hers as they began the stitch. "The organs - the liver, kidneys - are soft, delicate." She threaded the material through the soft peeled banana and he hummed in approval. "There you go. That's good. You've got a real knack for plastics, you know that?"_

Mark's lesson echoed in her mind, his voice calm. She remembered when she had gotten it down, the pride in her smile and his. But that was on a peeled banana. It was nothing like a real organ.

 _Yes, it is. You can do it. Just think about the banana. Just think,_ she repeated.

" _Don't overthink. You know it becomes second nature."_

So she blinked once, then threw the stitch. Then she began to stitch down the tear and it held shut. It was as if she were in a daze, her hands having a mind of their own as they continued to the end, tying the stitch closed.

"Good job." Her head snapped towards her brother and she could see the smile behind his mask.

"I've never seen a resident with such a delicate touch on a liver," the Chief remarked with a hint of pride. "Your stitches will barely leave a mark." Emily smiled in relief, hoping that no one would say anything about how she knew that stitch so well. Putting down the needle, she began to suction again when Han spoke up.

"That is what happens when the head of plastics decides to play favourites because she's his girlfriend," Hahn commented disdainfully but there was a grudging sort of regard in her blue eyes. Emily looked back down at the stitches, unaware of her brother's narrowed eyes as they continued on.

.

Burying her face into the crook of Noah's neck, Emily squeezed him as hard as she could. He smiled against her cheek, swinging her lightly around. When he set her down again, he pulled her back and smiled, exhausted. "You know, I'm not going back. I thought it'd be best if you heard it from me in person."

"What?"

"I'm not leaving again." Her eyes widened and she pulled back, going back onto flat feet. That thought never occurred to her. Noah was always the soldier. It never occurred to her that he might retire.

"What do you mean?"

"I start work in Boston next week. I'm taking the deal Harper Avery gave me."

"But you love the field!" she protested. "That other guy you came with, I heard he's going back on tour."

"But I've missed my family growing up. Will and Ollie, Theresa-" His voice softened at the name of his wife- "I saw them today at the airport and I realized that I've already missed both of them being born. I've missed so much and Theresa is still here. I have a chance to see them grow up. I don't want to miss it for anything. So, I'm retiring from the warfront even if Owen isn't."

"Really?" Her eyes stung and she broke out into a smile as he nodded, engulfing her in a hug again.

"Really. Are you going to come with me?" he asked, pulling back and she frowned. Her eyebrows furrowed together.

"To Mass Gen, right." She glanced down at her shoes, leaning against the nurse's station near the O.R. board. He pulled off his scrub cap as she said, "I… don't know. You can't expect me to decide already because there are factors to consider. I love Seattle. My friends are here and my teachers and this is already a great residency."

"Is Mark one of the factors?" he asked bluntly and she considered playing it off but in his eyes she could see he already figured it out.

"What?"

"When Hahn said the head of plastics teached his girlfriend I thought she was joking but you didn't deny anything. Emily, you know I love Mark like a brother but I also know how he is." She scowled, crossing her arms and looking away.

"He's different now. I promise, he hasn't hurt me or anything."

"Yet," he added grimly and she smacked him. "Ow!" With another wicked glare, she waited until he sighed. "I can't really deny you anything, can I? _Fine,_ but I'm giving him the talk. Where is he?"

"He might be in surgery but I'm not sure."

"I just don't want some other douchebag to fuck you up. Not like Atti-"

"Hey! There's the rule. The no speaking his name, rule." He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "No one's gonna hurt me like _him._ Not even Mark. They don't get that right anymore." Hugging her tightly, he kissed her hair.

"I know." After a moment, he continued, "You'll have to show me around Seattle. Maybe… maybe Mark can come too." She appreciated the effort. Ruffling her hair, he rested his chin atop her head. "I'm glad you found someone, even after all these years. I didn't want you to be alone after him. So I'm happy if you're happy with Mark." Her arms wrapped around his waist and the warmth of his arms was nostalgic of her childhood. "I love you."

"I love you too, Noah."

.

"You're dating my sister. That means I have to like you… even though I already like you. Not the point. But it means if you break her, I will break you. Got it?" Mark blinked before breaking out into a smile. It made Noah smile and they hugged, clapping each other on the back.

"Yeah." He agreed, "Y'know, it's good to see you. Great big brother speech."

"Thanks. I was struggling - kind of made it up on the spot."

"I could tell."

"But it's good to be home." He pulled back and stared straight into Mark's eyes, pinning him down. "Do you love my sister?"

"Yeah, I do." At this, Noah's smile softened at the edges and he nodded to himself. "She is everything."

"Good, 'cause she's _my_ everything and you manage to hurt her more than-" He broke off, face darkening. "I will not hesitate to murder your ass."

 **A/N: Edited - October 6, 2018**

 **Next: The Shepherd Method, Mark and Emily break up (for Callie), and our two ortho buddies build a man's bones.**


	28. The Decision

" _Personal relationships, personal loyalties and person favourites will no longer be a factor in our training program."_

"Be nice to Lexie," she sang as Mark put the chart away. He sighed, pecked her cheek and promised he'd try. "Oh, no kissing in the hospital."

"Why not?"

"Because you can't play favourites." He sighed, stealing a kiss from her lips and she wrinkled her nose against his face. "I adore you, though," she added and he kissed her again.

"I adore you too. Kisses outside the hospital, though?" The brunette sighed, nodding. "Did Noah make it back to Boston safely?"

"Yeah, about that… I need to talk to you about something. Can you page me when you're free?" He nodded, eyebrows knitting together and whispered a quick goodbye before leaving to find Lexie.

.

"You're asking me about sex with a female?" Emily drawled slowly as Callie ranted to her.

"Yeah, what was your first time like?"

"You know you could just talk about it. That's what I did with my first partner. I never had a _serious_ relationship with a girl but… but I mean, we were friends, we just wanted to try. We talked, a _lot_. Trust me, the communication is what made it work." The ortho resident nodded and left, leaving Emily to her thoughts.

.

"What are you gonna do with the trailer? Mark asked as they walked into the hospital. Derek glanced at him before letting out a short, 'No.' "Come on. Em and I need a place to live."

"'Cause there's a very real possibility she kicks me out in a week. I'm not letting go of the trailer." Laughing, he went to the elevator as Derek pushed the button. "If I know I'm staying for one more week, maybe you'll get it."

"Promise?"

"Ah, with Meredith, promises aren't possible." Smirking, Mark patted his friend on the back and left.

.

Emily read the newest addition of the medical journal, folding the corner to mark her page and looking up. "Morning, Alex." He grunted in response, sipping his coffee and she rolled her eyes, smacking him lightly. She continued on her way, spotting Derek and Meredith enter in, their hands holding and smiling at each other as if they were the only one in site. "Morning."

"Hey, did Bailey page you in early too?"

"No, but I've been on call since last night so I'm sure she'll page me sooner or later. Derek, have you seen Mark?"

"Nope." The neurosurgeon looked thoughtful. "Is that the journal you're reading?"

"Yep." She flashed the cover of his face on it causing them to both smile. "Do they airbrush your pictures?"

"I wouldn't know," he replied back and Emily shrugged, continuing on a different way as Meredith and Derek walked the opposite direction. She continued up a set of stairs and past an on-call room, glancing casually into the window before spotting her boyfriend. Going inside, she waved the magazine.

"Do you believe this?" they asked at the same time and she laughed. He raised the blankets and she crawled under them, a pleased smile on his face. "'The _Shepherd_ Method'. It should be the Grey method, Meredith was the one who started it." Disgruntled, she pouted playfully as he tucked her into his side.

"Good morning to you too," he whispered and she snuggled up against him, closing her copy and reading the one in his hands. They enjoyed a couple of minutes of silence together until Callie barged in.

"I've been looking everywhere for you." The Latina sat across from the two.

"Well, I had an early morning palatoplasty. You see this? 'The Shepherd Method'?"

"How was your date with Hahn?" Emily wanted to know as Mark continued reading and musing aloud. Callie glared at the plastics surgeon and Emily glanced at her boyfriend.

"Do you think they airbrushed his picture? The man does not have one damn pore."

"Mark, shut up."

"Could you focus? I need you right now," Callie snapped, taking the magazine away. "I need to talk." She heaved a sigh, eyes flickering down to Derek's face as she began, "Last night, Erica and I… we… we did it. Sort of."

"Congratulations," they cheered but Callie shook her head.

"No, no, no. It was not good at all. I choked,"

"Going down there?" Emily asked and Mark stared at her. "What? I want to know."

"I - I tried. But it felt so weird and clinical like gynie rotation." Emily raised her eyebrows at Mark and he widened his eyes imperceptibly. Understanding, she scooted off and he slid out from behind her. He got off the bed, going to his lab coat where it hung on a hook. "I tried. I left this morning before she got up. I couldn't even face her. What if - what if me and Erica are a mistake? Where are you going?" she added rapidly as Mark shook his head.

"I can't talk about this."

"Oh, come on! You love talking about this stuff." Emily rubbed the bridge of her nose and she laid back down, opening up her copy of the medical journal. "Girl on girl. It's hot."

"Mark liked two girls getting nasty and loving it. And he likes dirty talk and there's this thing he does in the shower, which I also love." Mark cleared his throat and she turned her head to smile cheekily. "It's hot." Mark came over, crouching and brushing her hair away from her forehead.

"You complete me," he said honestly before turning to Callie. "But, one girl talking about how much it sucked? Depressing and wrong. Just _wrong._ " Scrunching up his nose, he kissed Emily's forehead before leaving.

"Was it that bad?" Emily asked, mouth twitching into a smile. Callie groaned, burying her face in the journal and Emily flipped the page. "It's okay, Callie. You know, you either like it or you don't."

"Whatever. You've already gone through it."

"Well, you could try talking to Hahn about it. It's awkward but maybe you'll get it done eventually. I mean, that's what we did. Lots and lots of practice." Callie made a face, face contorting.

"I didn't need to know that."

Stifling a smile, she checked her pager when it began ringing. "Gotta go. Bailey's paging me. Update me when you can." With a wink, Emily rolled off the bed and left the room, medical journal rolled up and stuffed into her lab coat pocket.

.

"Callie wants me to dispense sex advice."

"That's terrible," Mark remarked and she rolled her eyes, walking around to the chair beside him.

"Is that a clinical trial?"

"Just a little research on cleft palates. I need you to read over my new facial reanimation paper. I want to put it into effect by next year."

"Uh-huh." Sitting down, she read the screen as he checked his emails on the computer. She draped her lab coat over the back of her chair as she asked, "Are you home tonight?"

"Yes. You?" She nodded and he smirked. "Perfect. Hey, remember you wanted to talk about this thing? Well, we're both free, aren't we?" She brightened and nodded.

"Okay, so, when Noah was here, he talked about this deal. Harper Avery invited me to work at Mass Gen." His smile was luminous and he leaned over to kiss her.

"That's great!"

"Yeah, but I don't know about it yet. Just wanted to talk to you about it first, y'know?" She sat up straight and he nodded, index finger and thumb tracing her jaw.

"Okay." He pulled her face towards him, kissing her chastely. She sighed against his lips when Callie walked in.

"Apparently, Erica loved it, the non-sex sex." She tossed her salad onto the table and Mark cleared his throat, tossing a glare to his friend. Emily bit her bottom lip, closing her eyes and pulling away. Leaning back into her chair, the brunette picked up some of the papers her boyfriend had printed on cleft palates."I think she might want more."

"Happens to me all the time with women. I barely remember it, their minds are blown." Emily narrowed her eyes and Mark smiled. " _Happened._ "

"I hope you remembered the last time we did it," she commented snippily, setting the stack of paper down and getting up. She gathered her lab coat in her arms and stopped behind Mark, placing a hand on his shoulder and kissing the spot in front of his ear. "See you."

"Bye," he called after her and she waved to Callie before leaving for the cafeteria where her friends were waiting.

.

Wrapping her arms up in the towel, she pushed open the door with her shoulder just as Mark caught her.

"Hey!" Starting, she smiled up at him behind her mask. "In the middle of a surgery?"

"Uh, yeah. Going to put the kidney in O.R. six. Do you need something?"

"Can we break up, real quick?" Mark asked and Emily started, panic flooding her gaze. He immediately understood and proceeded to reassure her.

"What? Why? Did I-"

"No! No, no, no. It's not you, it's Callie. She needs to know about the-" he lowered his voice- "the motherland and I'm the best around." She didn't like it. "Come on, it's Callie. She's like one of the only people who knows that I'm more than sex. She sees me like you do."

"Mark…" She looked off to the side and he cupped her neck. Their foreheads pressed together and he was careful for her not to need to scrub in again.

"I love you. I love you and it won't change because I'm helping out my friend." The admission left him breathless and her eyes widened. Despite his initial doubts, there were none now. He loved the woman in front of him. With his whole heart, he loved her. "I love you."

"You love me? This isn't some way to change my mind?" she echoed, holding his hand and he nodded. "Are you sure? Not some sick joke, right?"

"Definitely. I love you," he repeated and she broke out into a wide smile. The dimples he adored appeared even behind her mask. Although she wanted to hug him and kiss him and a million other things, she knew she had a surgery to get to.

"Well, I guess then it's _not_ okay." She wrinkled her nose at him and brushed past him. Walking down the hall, she glanced behind him to see him trailing after her, hopeful, eyes alight and asking for something- "And for the record, I love you too."

"No shit?" he said before he could stop himself. Amusement flickered in her eyes briefly and he reddened. Pausing at the door, she shouldered open the door.

"No shit." She nodded and took in his face, caving, "Fine. Only because Callie is my friend and _not_ because I love you." He'd never get tired of hearing those words or saying them.

"Okay, I'll see you later, _ex-girlfriend._ I love you," he emphasized it causing a little burst of giggles as she walked into the scrub room. Turning, he smiled to himself and felt like there was a little spring in his step as he almost _skipped_ down the hallway.

.

Mark sighed and kissed her sweaty forehead as she traced absent circles on his arm. "So, about Mass Gen?" he prompted and she sighed.

"I want to work there, but I don't know. You know it feels like I just found my place."

"Do you have a deadline?"

"Noah didn't say," she admitted as she ran her palm down his arm to hold his hand. "I just want to stay with you."

"Em-"

"Mark, we've just gotten happy. And we're looking for an apartment, and I love you. And… I don't want to mess that up." Her nose brushed against his and he took her chin between his fingers. "I love you."

"I love you, too. And I want you to be the best." She frowned, pulling her face away. She turned around onto her side and he spooned her back, kissing the plane of her shoulder. "I'm sorry you have to make that choice."

"I don't have to make that choice yet," she whispered and he inhaled her in. "There's always tomorrow." Kissing the spot behind her ear, he sighed. She was comfortable. If she wanted to put it off because she could, then it was fine by him. "Goodnight, Mark."

"Goodnight."

.

"So we have to get this man to walk? With his injuries?"

"I'm sure Torres can make something up."

"Mark," she started, about to chastise him. He kissed her hard against the lips and she tossed an arm around his neck, deepening the kiss.

"Major Hunt can kiss my ass," he muttered and she rolled her eyes, kissing him twice more. "Please, just let me prove him wrong." Laughing, she nodded and they walked into the office where Callie was sitting.

"Fine."

Breathing in, she walked towards the computer where Callie was already bringing up the 3-D bone pictures. "Can you build the man legs, Torres?" Meredith and Cristina came in followed by an unknown blonde as Emily bent down to look at the pictures. Immediately her head began clicking, trying to put the pieces together.

" _Damn,_ and his femur is impaling himself?" The two flanked the sitting orthopedic surgeon by sitting on the desk.

"Yeah. The right femur's toast." Callie informed, clicking to zoom in.

"So is the hip and half the pelvis."

"But if I put some pins here-"

"-and a plate there." Emily pointed at one of the fragments, "I see where you're going."

"There are some viable bone fragments. We're not starting on nothing. Moore, you've got the vision down so we can work something out. What do you think?" The woman glanced at Mark who looked thoughtful.

"I think it's wide," the unknown blonde said as Cristina turned to shut her up. Straightening, Emily looked at her.

"It's her first day. Could you not be so-"

"No, she's an intern. She needs to learn her place," Cristina said with a glance at both of them.

"Cristina…" Emily glared at her as Mark said it would be a lot of hardware, that what the man needed was a whole new leg. Callie's eyes lit with inspiration as she looked at the screen again. The woman remarked that maybe she could do that and took out a notepad.

"Yeah, I mean, it's kind of a puzzle. I just need to figure out what equipment I need and - and how to pull it off."

"Like Lincoln Logs,"

"It's a little more high-tech than that,"

"It's exactly like Lincoln Logs," Callie rambled, now inspired. "Okay, I need you guys to grab every piece of titanium we've got in the hospital." Nodding, the residents and the single intern began to head out. Mark leaned over to kiss her cheek as she left and she smiled, catching up with Cristina who stayed back. The brunette shoved her hands in her lab coat pockets, glancing at her friend.

"What is your deal with the intern?" Emily asked under her breath as the woman shrugged her off.

"She's some girl who went backpacking over Europe with Meredith. She's never mentioned her before so how important could she be?"

"I don't know. They're acting like sisters." She gazed ahead where the two blondes were chatting animatedly. "Jealous?"

"Whatever, Moore." Chuckling, she began searching for the titanium Callie needed.

.

"Little Grey, Torres is, uh, trying to set a world record for most titanium rods used in one patient. You in?"

"Little Grey?" Meredith repeated, arching an eyebrow.

"Little Grey. Big Grey. That's how I tell you two apart," Mark said as if it were obvious and Meredith scoffed.

"Do you call Em Little Moore and Noah Big Moore, then?" she teased. "I'm sure that he loves people calling him _big._ " Mark's face contorted in disgust and he began to walk away. Meredith's smile faded as Lexie nodded. Right. _Possible secret cutter sister._

"I'm in. I'll just be a minute." Walking after Mark, Meredith couldn't help her smile when the thought of teasing her friend's boyfriend came into her nefarious mind.

"You know, Derek told me once that he called Emily forbidden and little," she began. Mark groaned, sending her a look. "So, I was just wondering-"

"Grey." She respectfully shut up but her shit-eating grin caused him to scowl. "I do not call the Moore siblings Big and Little. That is just _creepy_ and _wrong._ "

"Well, you like it's so wrong it's right. Why else would you take the Forbidden Fruit?" Meredith continued and Mark glowered at his best friend's girlfriend. She winked and laughed, walking ahead as he stopped at the elevator.

He hadn't realized being friends with Emily's friends meant being in a certain layer of unending Hell.

.

"Charlotte, watch that vein over there," Emily murmured as they inserted a titanium rod into the man's leg. "Good, okay. Callie, I'm inserting the plate near his hip now." Reaching for the metal, she accidentally bumped into Charlotte's forearm and the woman immediately flinched, dropping her instruments.

"Ow!"

"What happened?" Derek immediately asked and Emily gazed at her intern in shock before looking at the Meredith. The notion of Lexie being a secret cutter did not go unremembered.

"Are you alright?"

"Of c-course," the redhead stammered, picking up the tools with shaking fingers. Shaking her head, she gestured for her to step back.

"Take a step back. If you're injured then you don't operate. You tell your resident. Kinney, take Charlotte's place." Michael stepped forward with the suction and Emily shook her head again in disbelief, readjusting the metal against the man's fractured hip bone. She could think about it _after_ the surgery. So they continued on.

When the Chief came in to check on them and found that Lexie's pulley stitch was nearly flawless, Emily shared an uneasy glance with Cristina. The woman didn't teach her interns the pulley stitch. Emily was the only one out of the six of them who actually taught so how in the hell did they know? "You taught Lex the pulley stitch?"

"Of course not. I haven't seen them practicing at all except…" The asian woman paused, realization dawning on her. The rapid beeping of the monitors interrupted whatever revelation she was about to uncover as they immediately stopped their work.

"He's crashing. V-Fib."

"Starting C.P.R. Push one of epi and charge the paddles to three-sixty."

"Clear!" Callie and Emily looked at their handiwork, praying that the man would come back as the defibrillator paddles whined again with electricity. "Clear!"

"Push another of epi and charge again."

"Clear!" They waited for a few tense moments. In her mind, Emily imagined the monitor would start beeping again and that they would achieve a sinus rhythm. That wasn't reality as the monitor emitted an ominous tone, flat and cold. Breathing in, she pulled the top string of her mask over her head before bunching it in her hands and ripping it off.

"Time of death: nineteen twenty two." They exhaled deeply.

"I built his bones," Callie whispered, voice cracking.

"You tried. We all tried."

"No, I didn't try. I did it. I did my part; I built his bones. I built his bones from scratch, and you…" Her glare swept across them, anger like fire behind her brown orbs. "All of you, you were suppose to keep him alive. That is all you people had to do. You just had to…" Emily inhaled a quivering breath, covering her teeth with her lips and looking away. Cristina looked to the floor as the other surgeons shared uneasy glances. "You just had to keep him safe and - and breathing and living until I made his bones. I made… I made his bones…" Her voice was raspy and her face was red as she cried. "Until… until I made his bones. I made his bones." Callie's eyes were scrunched tight as she repeated the statement like a mantra.

"You guys go," Emily said after a moment. She swallowed as Mark made his way to stand behind Callie, his hands on her shoulders.

"We'll stay behind and help Dr. Torres clean up. Call the morgue."

"Go, we've got this."

"Everyone, clear out." Hunt ordered and they complied, going into the scrub room. Emily took off her gown and gloves, beginning to take away the blue fabric that covered his face. Mark wrapped the woman in a hug and she sent her boyfriend a gentle look. Extubating the patient, she wrapped the tape around the tube and took off the wires leading into his body as Callie continued to cry into Mark's chest. Cristina unhooked the I.V. bags and turned off the monitors and began pushing the instrument trays to the side walls as they cleaned up the O.R. in silence.

"Cristina, when I bumped into Charlotte, what was that all about?" Emily asked as they went into the scrub room. They had finished cleaning up and waited for Mark to take Callie out before going in themselves.

"I just need to know for sure. Lexie had bandages on her arms… why didn't I think about it before?"

" _What?_ Think about what before?" The woman stormed out of the scrub room after drying her hands. "Cristina!" she called after her friend, throwing the towel into the container for them and chasing after her but she was nowhere to be seen.

 **A/N: Edited - October 7, 2018**

 **Many of you may protest that Emily and Mark are both too casual about him sleeping with Callie. The answer is simple: they know each other. Mark knows that Emily would do anything to relieve someone of their burden and Emily knows that Mark is the right person to help. Although it's a great difficulty for her to tolerate that Mark slept with another woman, she appreciates that he asked her first. (The 'I love you' softened the blow too, I suppose.)**

 **Next: The Mass Gen offer, and an appendectomy.**


	29. Family

_When I was a kid, I was big into mythology. The tales of Gods and Goddesses, heroes and villains, love and hope. There's a certain tragedy to every story. I mean, the guy gets the girl and then she dies and he loses her again for looking back when taking her out of the underworld. The prophecy is fulfilled but you killed your dad. You cheat death and you're punished by the Gods. You push that boulder again and again, up that stupid hill only to see it roll down again. It makes you think, how stupid it all is. To argue, to fight, to try to escape the inescapable.. But maybe that's what makes us human._

 _-Emily Moore_

* * *

"I have a deadline now?" Emily asked over the phone as Noah let out a sound of agreement.

" _Yeah. Harper doesn't know if he should save that spot for you anymore. Maybe by the end of the week?_ " The sister sighed heavily and she paced back and forth.

"I'll try." Pulling the phone away from her ear, she hung up and tossed her phone onto the bed.

.

"Noah gave me a deadline by the end of the week," Emily informed tentatively as they entered the elevator. Mark paused.

"Are you going?"

"It's something we should talk about for real now. I don't want to move without you," she answered honestly, taking a gentle hold of his fingers. They got on the elevator and she jabbed the button for the ground floor. "But I'm not sure. I don't want to leave Seattle and my friends."

"I think you should." He was adamant. "I can find work anywhere and you're a great person. They'll love you." She looked away, tracing patterns in the floor with her shoe.

"I know… but Derek and Callie are here. They're your best friends and… Alex, and Meredith, and George? The others? How can I just leave them?" She frowned as he gazed at her.

"Look, I get it. They're your best friends but you can always talk to them. You aren't seriously considering not going because of your friends?" he asked, incredulous. "This is _Mass Gen_ we're talking about," he told her softly and she scowled as the elevator doors opened. "Do you want to go?"

"Yeah, but-"

"Then it's easy. We go," he said it simply and she felt irritated that he didn't see it how she saw it. They grabbed a pair of latex gloves each and continued onward towards the trauma room.

"It isn't that simple," she replied, keeping her voice level with effort. "There are more things to consider. We don't know for sure that this job you'll get will be as good as the one here. Besides, your family is here."

"So?" he played it off, "I can always make new friends."

"Not ones like Callie and Derek." She argued and he was about to reply when they finally reached the room. "We'll talk about this later." They met up with Derek and the brunette sent a pointed glare in Derek's direction when he heard her words. They got a brief patient history as Emily immediately went to the little girl in the room. "Hey, what's your name?"

"Ivy,"

"Okay, I'm Emily. Stick close to me, okay?" She nodded as her father began screaming for his daughter.

"He's still asleep," Derek realized as they began to restrain him.

"Mr. Soltanoff, calm down!" Emily cried out, pulling his daughter close to her. George pushed against his shoulders but the man kept struggling.

"Dad, I'm right here!" she screamed as the man struggled, swinging wildly. Mark got knocked off balance ducking and it ended up socking Callie in the nose. Making sure the girl stayed put, she crouched in front of the resident.

"Callie, Callie! I got her." Helping her friend up, she took her to a separate room nearby. "Here, take it." Offering the ice pack, she was glad when Callie responded, placing the blue, cold package on her face. Getting a piece of gauze and tape, she applied it to under her nostrils to stop the flow before preparing an anesthetic after slapping on a pair of gloves.

"How is she?" Mark asked, coming in.

"Complaining so I'm assuming she's fine," Emily snorted as Mark took the needle from her. "I can do it myself. I know how to set a broken nose." Her words were clipped. It was clear their spat before wasn't forgotten.

"I can't believe this is happening,"

"It wasn't a great nose anyway." Mark said in some weird act of comfort.

"It was a nice nose!" Callie took off the ice pack, tears making her eyes red as her breath hitched. Mark took off the gauze and used a tool to lift her nostril and inserted the needle into the nose.

"Little pinch."

"Ow! Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!"

"It was a gorgeous nose and it will be again in two weeks," Emily informed, letting the woman squeeze the life out of her hand.

"Really?"

"Three weeks, four tops," Mark said with a smile.

"I hate you."

"You love me. Oh, come on. That didn't hurt." He took out the needle and placed it on the tray as Emily looked at the break.

"Shove off, Mark. I can do it."

"Yeah, well maybe if I was having a good year it would feel like just a little pinch. But it hurts a lot, Mark. It hurts a lot. Ow."

"Maybe we should use conscious sedation instead of local. It'll be a whole new day when you wake up and your nose will be fixed," Emily suggested, tucking a stray hair behind the Latina's ear.

"Well, at least I have the both of you. You'll still be my friends and get insanely drunk with me whenever I want?"

"Of course." Emily promised.

"Anytime. You know, once your face heals."

"I love you, I hate you. Get out." Scoffing, Callie placed the ice pack back on her nose and Mark left.

"You got the break?"

" _Yes._ " Emily stared at him and he kissed her forehead, leaving. "Stupid idiot. I don't know why I love him," she muttered as the anesthetic did its work. "Okay, Callie. I'm going to set your nose. It's gonna hurt even with the numbing agent." She placed her fingertips against the woman's nose tentatively. She winced but didn't say anything, "Three, two, one!" She gently pushed the bone back into place, readjusting it a few times and ignoring Callie's flinches before pulling back.

"Are you done?"

"Yeah, it's straight." Putting a patch to make sure it would stay still, she added extra gauze and tape. She tore off her gloves. "I'm gonna take you to the clinic. Make sure you sleep a lot. Get some good drugs." Helping her friend off the table, she patted her shoulder. "Come on. Let's go."

.

"Ivy, are you alright?"

"Yeah."

"Have you been sleeping?"

"You aren't the first doctor to ask me that," the girl said quietly as they wheeled her father back in.

"Can I sit with you then?" she offered and Ivy nodded. Settling on the bed next to her, she dug her palms into her knees. The doctors began requesting to do and E.E.G. as Mark asked how often her father sleepwalked. He insisted he took his meds, that he just forgot tonight as she got off the bed.

"No, you didn't. You took them while I was brushing my teeth like you always do and then you put me to bed like you always do, and then you woke up screaming like you always do."

"Ivy…"

"I try to stay awake at night because usually I can talk you back to bed." The exhaustion leaked into her voice and Emily felt a pang of sympathy for her. She began crying as her father rubbed her shoulder. "But tonight, I must have fallen asleep."

"Honey, why didn't you tell me?"

"You said these dreams were caused by stress, and _I'm_ your stress." The heartbreak in her words made Emily's heart desire to reach out towards the little girl. Her eyes softened and she bit her lip, wanting to wrap her in a hug.

"Sweetheart-"

"You take such good care of me during the day." Her voice shook, punctuated by shakes of her shoulder and sniffles. "I thought the least I could do was take care of you at night." Mark leaned down, eyes kind.

"But we're saying the nightmares were caused by the epilepsy, not the stress. And if the test confirms the epilepsy, you understand what that would mean?"

"This wasn't my fault?"

"That it wasn't your fault." Mark affirmed. Ivy began sobbing, pressing her face into her father's hand as he confirmed they could get the E.E.G. Nodding, Emily stood with a promise to come back. Her hand rested for a moment on the girl's shoulder before leaving after Mark.

.

"Hey, they take your dad up to surgery already?" Emily asked, returning to the room of Mr. Soltanoff. His daughter started at her voice before nodding. "Do you want to wait in the sitting area? I'll come with you." The tiny brunette hopped off the bed, turning off the TV and following the surgeon to the sitting area.

"Can I have a coffee?" The question was hesitant and Emily frowned.

"You're only thirteen,"

"I like the taste." She suspected there was more to that but stood and grabbed the smallest cup and filled it with coffee. She didn't know how she liked it but added sugar and cream just in case before returning to her.

"Here." Frowning, she tucked a strand of hair behind Ivy's ear. "You could have a nap. Your dad won't be out for another maybe one and a half hour." Emily laid a tentative arm around her shoulders and let the girl lean into her. Ivy rubbed at her eyes, sipping the coffee occasionally as they continued on in silence for another thirty minutes.

"Your dad won't be out for another hour," Mark reported as he sat on the table across from them. "Thirteen and already hitting the hard stuff?" At her silence, he glanced at Emily, "You know, when I was little, my parents weren't very interested in having kids of their own. They had friends, they had lives. They weren't around very much at night." Emily's interest piqued. Mark didn't talk about his parents often. She didn't want to push him but that didn't stop her from being curious. "And before I went to bed, I'd turn on all the TV's… every light in the house, even the closets. Still couldn't sleep. It's hard to sleep when you don't feel safe in your own house, isn't it?" Emily's head cocked and her other arm gently guided Ivy's head to her. She nodded, whispering a 'yeah,' and handing the cup of coffee to Mark.

"You can sleep now, Ivy."

"No."

"We don't take no for an answer," Emily said quietly, looking at Mark. "We won't leave, you're safe with us. We'll be here. Come on, close your eyes." Her other hand stroked her hair, down her cheek before letting it fall into her own lap as Mark stared at her. "Go throw the coffee away, I'll stay here with her."

He did so, standing up and taking the coffee and throwing it away in the garbage can a few metres away. Her head turned to the girl sleeping against her shoulder and her heavy breathing, signalling she was asleep. A warm feeling spread across her chest as she stroked the girl's hair absently, stilling when she shifted. Her ribs were pressed against the wooden armrests which dug into her side uncomfortably causing the thirteen year old to squirm in her sleep. Uncertain, Emily looked at Mark who was sitting in front of them again. He took her immediately into his arms and transferred her into Emily's lap. Ivy's head rested against her collarbone as she burrowed into her neck. It was fast and smooth as Mark's hand was placed on Ivy's shoulder.

"She's sleeping now." Her voice was barely a whisper as she gazed at the sleeping child in her lap.

"That's good." Mark's voice was equally soft. "You'd be a good mom, really."

"You'd be a fantastic father," she told him and his blue eyes widened. "I'm not lying." He knew she wasn't. "We…" She paused. "We'd have beautiful children." This time, he knew his jaw must've detached from his face and she flushed, looking away. For some reason, his chest felt considerably light and the thought didn't scare him. In fact, the thought of children made his heart pound against his ribcage in what could've been fear and what could've been hope. "I'm sorry about your parents." He sighed.

"So am I." They shared a secret look and they lapsed into a silence again. After twenty minutes had passed, Emily felt her bladder becoming full and shifted uncomfortably. Ivy stirred, yawning but not particularly startled on where she was. She looked up at Emily, rubbing at her eyes. "I can take her," Nodding, she nudged the girl gently.

"Ivy, Dr. Sloan's going to sit with you while you sleep. I'm going to go to the bathroom then I'll be right back." Ivy nodded and Mark picked her up again, allowing Emily to stand and walked to the bathroom but not before glancing over her shoulder. Mark was now in her chair, Ivy seated in his lap and curled up as she tried to fall back asleep. The image melted her heart and stayed in her mind as she went to the bathroom. Once she was done rinsing her hands, she felt her pager vibrate and took it out. Nothing important that she couldn't have her interns do. Stopping by a nurse's station, she asked the nurse to pager her interns before heading back to Mark.

"Sh…" He pressed his index finger to his lips and she smiled fondly, sitting down beside him and kissing his cheek. "I just got her to sleep again." Nodding, she crossed a leg over her other and leaned on him.

"Kids, huh?" she asked quietly, not looking up at him. "You want them?"

"Yeah. It'd be nice," he sighed and a small smile appeared on both of their faces as her pager began buzzing consistently.

"What the-" she muttered under her breath, checking the message. Her eyes widened and she stood. "I've got to go. Something happened." Mark nodded, standing up with Ivy in his arms.

"I'll take her to her room. I'll see you at home and then we'll talk about Mass Gen," he reminded before heading off to Mr. Soltanoff's room. Emily nodded, walking to the grand staircase.

"What the hell happened?"

"Our interns performed a surgery is what happened," George said dully and she felt her mouth drop open.

" _What?_ "

That's what Cristina meant yesterday. Why Charlotte's arms were in pain. Why they were AWOL. They were practicing on themselves.

Her interns were so dead.

.

"Dr. Grey, present." Cristina's voice was cold and sharp. Many interns visibly swallowed nervously as Lexie began.

"Sadie Harris, thirty, three hours status post-appendectomy complicated by severe hemorrhaging."

"Death, what is this?" Meredith ignored the woman on the bed, turning to gaze at a tall, black intern.

"Dr. Spalding."

"Vitals stable, triple antibiotic coverage. She should fully recover within two weeks."

" _And?"_

"And… We, your surgeons-" Lexie stepped forward with a sigh. Her face was full of shame as she said what they had instructed them all to memorize- "made mistakes that compromised your care. Mistakes that reflect poorly on this hospital and that won't happen again."

"Every intern here is on probation. None of you will see the inside of an O.R. until further notice," Emily informed icily. "You complain, you don't do a chart, you be so much as a second late for rounds, you are done." Her gaze drifted to her interns and they looked away. Narrowing her eyes, she said no more. She had her own choice words for them.

"You've lost the Chief's respect, which, believe me, is not an easy thing to get back."

"And speaking for myself, you've lost my respect, and you probably won't ever get that back." Alex's gaze hardened when an intern turned to his friend to say something. "What did you say?"

"You seem to still respect Izzie Stevens and she killed a patient." In an instant the man was pushed against the wall as Alex spat words in his face. The interns gasped as the intern's face became wrought with arrogance.

"She was trying to save a man's life and you almost killed a friend for fun. It's different."

"You may leave." The interns filed out of the room, past Izzie who stood stock-still in shock. Shaking her head, she snapped her fingers. Charlotte, Ethan, Michael, and Liam all froze and she gestured sharply to go down the hall with her. Opening an exam room, she walked behind a table and had them stand in a line before her.

"I want to understand," she began quietly. "I want to understand what could have prompted you to perform an appendectomy by yourselves in _outpatient_ _surgery_." Charlotte looked like she was about to burst into tears and Emily raised a finger. " _No._ You do not get to cry. You do not get to show regret or guilt because you willingly put a fellow intern in danger today. And that's on me. It reflects poorly on me. And do you know what would have happened if she died? _That would've been on me too._ Because I failed to supervise you even when I thought I didn't. I failed to teach you when I thought I was a good teacher."

"Dr. Moore-" Liam tried to start but she cut him off.

"Shut up. None of you get to talk to me like I am more than your boss. You decided to cut those ties when you decided to do something so _stupid,_ so _thoughtless_ , because you wanted to do a fancy surgery." Pinning each of them with a glare, she couldn't bear to feel anything but the raw fire of rage. "Why? Did I not teach you enough? Was I neglectful?"

They were quiet and she barked out, "You can talk now."

"We just wanted to do a solo surgery. We just wanted… to do a surgery." Ethan bowed his head and she scowled.

"I am your resident and we are _fighting_ tooth-and-nail to get our own solo surgery. What makes you think any of you are qualified? And to do it in the middle of the night? What would've happened had she died? If you couldn't have found help? How would you hid the fact that you killed an intern?

"Not only would you all lose your licenses, _I_ could've lost _my_ license."

"Dr. Moore, we're sorry-"

"No speaking." She clenched her jaw, turning away and pacing. Pinching the bridge of her nose, she growled, "I can't even look at any of you. From now on, you follow every single order. You know what I want before I even say it. You don't brown-nose, you don't try to be friendly. I am your teacher only. Dismissed."

They glanced at each other before filing out. Leaning against the table, she gave herself five seconds of silence before she began to walk to the resident's lounge, a jerking movement to her actions as she tossed her bag out of her cubby and sat down, burying her face in her hands.

.

"I'm not saying I don't want to go to Mass Gen. I'm just... I'm saying that I love it here, in this residency. I love the people and my teachers and where we are right now." Emily told him, throwing her dirty clothes into a bag. Her damp hair was wrapped up in a towel as she tied her robe around her waist. Going over to one of the cabinets, she took out a clean set of pajamas as Mark left the bathroom as well. "Mark, it's been a bad day. Can we just… not talk about it?"

"No, we can't because you have a deadline." He put on a pair of boxers before untying the towel from around his waist and drying his hair and chest. "You'll love it there. You'll see Noah more often. Shriner's already offered me a job at their hospital. Emily, this could really boost your career."

"But it'll hinder yours," she protested, untying her robe and putting on a loose t-shirt, "Shriner's has got nothing on Seattle Grace and you're getting a demotion going there."

"I'd spend less time at work and more time at home then."

"Mark _,_ you'll hate me if we go there. You'd be unhappy and I can't do that to you. _I know you._ "

"And I know you too. You won't go because of some stupid reason that your friends are here. It's pathetic!" he yelled and she stared at him, frozen. It was the first time he had ever raised his voice against her. A spark crackled between them and the words slipped out of her mouth before she could stop them.

"Like you haven't done that?" she snapped coldly. The air froze and their gazes turned icy with frost. Emily laughed softly and bitterly, unbelieving that they've gone to this point. "You _sold your practice_ for Derek. You came here, to a second-rate job for your _best friend._ " She put on her underwear and hung the robe on the bathroom door before unravelling the towel from her hair. "So you're saying that's any different?" Putting on pants quickly, she watched as Mark's eyes pinned her down.

"It is! I've known him for most of my life. You've known them for, what, two years?" She faltered, at a loss of words at his harsh tone "It is _different._ " His voice shook her and she flinched. Shaking her head, she pulled back the comforter to prepare for a night's rest that was unlikely to happen. It seemed they had come to a pause, a cease fire when her phone began to ring. It was Noah. "Tell him you're going." She picked it up and declined the call. "Why aren't you boosting your career?" It was a soft question, genuinely asked and she looked away.

"My interns cut open their friend today. I can barely supervise them so what makes you think I can go to a top-five hospital and survive? Mark, I won't make it."

"Is that what you think or what you know?" She didn't answer him. Instead, she tossed her phone back on the nightstand and sat on the bed. "Em…"

"There are expectations for me out there." The temperature in the room dropped a few degrees, the couple seeming to have passed their argument. "Noah Moore's sister. He's one of the greatest surgeons out there. Here, it isn't that bad but in Boston, I'm just compared to the best peds surgeon in a long time. He was invited to the Harper Avery's five times. He won twice in a row which is _unheard_ of. Then they're gonna see me and think I'm a failure."

"You are anything but a failure," he immediately said, coming around to sit beside her. She glanced up warily. "Tell me what I can do to help you. I love you, y'know?" He hugged her tightly and her fingers dug into his back as she returned the embrace.

"I need you. All I need is you to have my back," she whispered hoarsely and he nodded, pressing a kiss behind her ear.

"Okay," was his only response. They stayed like that for a long time, both unsure. This wasn't what either of them had planned and Emily knew it. Every plan she had made was ripped apart as Mark pulled away. The cold air immediately registered in her mind and she looked up at him as he stood, taking her phone. "Go sleep. I'll pack everything for you." The tone of finality gave her no room to argue as she shimmied back under the covers. He pulled them to her chest and kissed her one last time. Both their eyes were glossy and full of uncertainty. Mark didn't want this. She knew she sure as hell didn't want to go to Boston without him. But it was the best way without hurting them both in the future.

The future. It was so uncertain. At one point, she thought she could see herself with a family; with children that bore Mark's eyes and her hair. Now, all she could see was nothing. As he left the bedroom, she felt the world tilt. Nothing felt right, everything was different and she had the sense that this was not how it was supposed to go.

 **A/N: Edited - October 7, 2018**

 **Next: Arrival in Boston, Taylor Jacks, and Harper Avery.**


	30. Mass Gen

_We're all susceptible to it, the dread and anxiety of not knowing what's coming. It's pointless in the end, because all the worrying and the making of plans for things that could or could not happen, it only makes things worse. So walk your dog or take a nap. Just whatever you do, stop worrying. Because the only cure for paranoia is to be here, just as you are._

 _-Meredith Grey_

* * *

"Mr. Avery, it's an honor to meet you." Emily pulled her luggage behind her as Mark held her other hand. They saw the older man waiting for them near her airplane gate. He smiled and held out a hand to shake.

She grasped his hand firmly before drawing back. "Emily Moore, I presume. And Mark Sloan, a pleasant surprise." He nodded to Mark. "I'll assume you've said goodbye to your friends." Mark offered a hand to shake and they shook as well.

"Yes, sir." She nodded back and shared a look with Mark. "Well, this is goodbye."

"Until you come back."

"Yeah. I guess so." She looked at their joined hands and reinforced the bond, holding onto his hand tighter. Pressing their foreheads together, she whispered, "I love you,"

"I love you, too." He kissed her gently. Although it lacked passion it didn't lack emotion and tears beaded at the corner of her eyes when she pulled back. "Stay safe." She nodded and began walking to the gate with Harper Avery. She glanced once over her shoulder and a small bittersweet smile played over her lips before she disappeared. Fear squeezed her heart as she stepped further into the unknown.

.

Emily walked up the tunnel from the airplane feeling awful and terrified. Her heart weighed down in her chest and every step felt like a mile. All she wanted was Mark's arms in bed yet she's the reason she was travelling kilometres away from him. They had arrived in Boston just a few minutes ago and they had to pick up her luggage before going to the hospital. They went to the conveyor belt in silence where the machinery was just beginning to move. The whole plane ride was awkward. Harper Avery asked if she wanted anything but she repeatedly said no and any attempt at conversation faltered from both sides.

"He's a good man. I'm glad you're making it work with him," he suddenly said and Emily started as luggage began sliding out. Glancing at him, she frowned slightly. "Mark Sloan," he clarified, "I knew him when he was working under John Seever. Smart, if a bit cocky but has a good heart."

"Uh, thank you, sir?" She was unsure of her answer when she found the black luggage that belonged to her. Hauling it off the conveyor belt, she turned to Harper Avery. "Let's go."

"Of course." He lead the way and she followed half a step behind "At Mass Gen, it's rather competitive. The tech is more futuristic than many hospitals are equipped with. You'll be having weekly rotations along with sim time."

"Sim time, sir?" Already, it sounded daunting.

"We're the leaders in medicinal simulations and all our residents spend time in the simulations with a variety of situations." They reached the point where the pre-booked drivers were searching for their patrons and they walked past all of them. "Are you interested in research?"

"Not particularly, sir," she admitted with a slight smile. It came easily and the older surgeon smiled as well. "But I heard that - that Mass Gen offers six research fellowships with salary support."

"That's true but not all residents are interested. In fact, many enjoy the fellowship as it means less residents to compete with and more surgery for themselves." They finally found a blond man with bright blue eyes waiting for them. His hands were shoved in his pockets and a big smile made his face light up. Something familiar about him made her narrow her eyes.

"If it isn't Moore the younger in the flesh," he commented and immediately she realized who it was.

"Taylor Jacks, you're out too?"

"What, Noah didn't tell you?" He opened his arms and she hugged him tightly. His chuckle reverberated in his chest and his arms were warm with genuine happiness. The fact that he was something familiar in an unfamiliar environment made her heart beat faster. She hadn't even realized she would miss him when they barely knew each other. "I'm finishing my trauma fellowship at Mass Gen."

"That's fantastic! I - we - I don't know what to say," she confessed and Harper Avery smiled.

"Well, you'll have loads to say once you see the hospital."

.

"So this is your room. I hope you don't mind that it's next to Will and Ollie's." Noah opened the door to reveal an adequate sized guest room. The bed was generously big and a closet and drawers were available for her clothes. There was a nightstand near an electrical outlet beside the bed and a full-length mirror near the door.

"Of course I don't. After that two-hour tour, any bed is heaven." She crawled onto the bed and dropped into the plushness of the mattress as Noah laughed.

"It's going to be nice living with you again, Emi," he said sincerely, bringing her luggage into the room and laying it down. Unzipping it for his younger sister, he opened the flap so it was ready for her to unpack before returning to the door. "Dinner's in a few hours so you can have a nap if you want and if you need me, just call."

"Alright," she mumbled and he closed the door almost the whole way. Letting her eyes close for a few minutes, the brunette relished in the few moments of silence before her phone started ringing. Groaning, she pushed herself up and stumbled in the direction of her carry-on bag, digging through the contents until it bumped into a rectangular metal object that was vibrating. Taking it out, she answered without looking at the caller ID.

"Hello?"

" _Hey. Do you have time to Skype?"_ Mark. She sighed, already missing his voice but nodded, taking out her laptop from its bag and plopping onto the bed. Surrounding herself in pillows, she felt her heart ache lessen.

"Yeah. Get online, I'll call you," she promised and hung up, tossing the phone onto the bed next to her and opening her laptop. Immediately, the screen lit up and she looked at the nightstand for the wifi password. Finding it quickly, she entered it and logged into Skype. Mark's name appeared at the top and his profile picture - one of them together - made her smile. Clicking his name, her finger moved the cursor to the call button and pressed it. It rang twice before he picked up.

"Hey, princess." She smiled when she saw him, a bustle of activity behind him. Obviously he was at work, with his scrub cap on. "I'm about to scrub in and I thought you'd wanna watch." His smile made her pains melt away as she sighed.

"Oh, really?" She mused, tucking the blankets up her chest as he nodded. "Maybe. What're you doing?"

"Hypopharynx reconstruction," he said as someone passed him a coffee. "Thanks, Grey."

"No problem, Dr. Sloan," a voice off-screen cheerfully replied. "Oh, are you speaking to Dr. Moore? Can I say hi?"

"Lexie?" Emily asked, amused and Mark tilted the screen so she could see the younger Grey. "How are you?"

"Good! Still banned from the O.R. but doing good." Mark shot her a look and she flushed, "And I have to prep her for surgery, right. See you, Dr. Moore! Miss you!" The brunette darted out of sight and Mark made sure she was gone before he returned to her.

"Of course you do the coolest surgery when I'm not around," she remarked as her door creaked open. Looking up, she saw a toddler push against the door, his brown hair fluffy and hazel eyes wide with joy.

"O'Malley's getting your interns and I'm stuck with Grey's crazy sister for the surgery. Why couldn't I have a properly trained one?" he complained and she chuckled.

"Shush. They're probably scared to death at the thought of you," she teased and he nodded along, laughing.

"Auntie Em!" Will cheered as the door swung completely open. He walked in, helping his more unstable brother, Ollie, by taking him by the hand. Taking the laptop off her lap, she made sure Mark could see as she picked up Ollie and settled him beside her before reaching down and picking up Will.

"Hey, big guy!" she gasped, kissing her nephew on the cheek before turning to his younger brother. He opened his arms for attention and she settled Will between her legs, taking Ollie in her arms.

"You're surrounded by babies," Mark commented and they turned to the sound of his voice. "You're all big and strong. Last time I saw you, you were this small," he joked, using his thumb and index finger to demonstrate.

"No!" Will protested and reached to slap Mark's face. Emily swerved around Ollie to make sure Will didn't damage her laptop, "Never!"

"Must've been mistaken then," he said, pulling his ear and she grinned at her boyfriend's antics. The conversation of having a family didn't go unremembered between the two of them as he looked up. "Listen, Em, I've got surgery and I know you want to watch so…"

"Guys, can you go find your dad and play? Uncle Mark and I have some business to take care of."

"Okay! We play after dinner!" Will said brightly and she set them down on the floor again and waited them to leave before turning to her boyfriend who had a nurse hold onto the laptop as he scrubbed in.

.

"First day, you ready?"

"Yeah." She breathed deeply, adjusting her bag and Noah kissed her temple. "I can do this right?"

"'Course you can. You'll make tons of new friends," he ruffled her hair affectionately as someone ran up to him. "Dr. Jones, you've got the pre-ops ready I presume."

"Yes, sir," the man reported dutifully, "But the Hendersons want to speak to you before you operate."

"Alright, thank you. Can you show my sister where the resident's lounge is?" Then did this 'Dr. Jones' turn his stare towards her and she smiled. Nodding, the man threw a hand in a gesture to follow him. "Thanks again, you can scrub in." Pumping the arm holding a binder in a symbol of farewell, Noah turned away and Emily glanced casually at Dr. Jones.

"I'm Dr. Thomas Jones, second year," he introduced, offering a hand to shake and she took it firmly with a smile. He took her through a maze of turns that she had experienced the day before but still felt loss when finally they reached a room with benches and lockers for the residents. People filed in and out as he pushed open the door and showed her an empty spot. "This is my locker and you've been assigned next to me, no coincidence I believe."

"Emily Moore, by the way. I don't think we've met." She opened the locker and found a set of blue scrubs and her new lab coat. Taking them out, she felt a flash of nostalgia at the familiar pale color. "So, what service am I on?"

"Plastics, from what they've told me although Dr. Avery might switch that around." He seemed friendly enough. His smile was big and genuinely kind as he gave her a pager and a book of page-numbers. Putting them on her stack of clothes, she managed to slip out the pale blue scrubs. Nodding, she began changing into the blue scrubs as Dr. Jones turned around to give her some semblance of privacy.

"Is there anyone else for me to meet?"

"You'll meet them," he assured and she nodded although he couldn't see. When she was finished, she put on the new lab coat, seeing instead of _Seattle Grace, Massachusetts General_ was in its place. "Come on." Smiling at her decidedly new friend, she followed him out after locking her stuff inside her new locker and saw a tall woman with an angular face watch them. They began approaching her and she started stacking binders. "She's the Chief Resident. Dr. Bakely."

"Seems nice?" she offered as some sort of relief and he laughed, grateful. "Dr. Bakely, Dr. Moore."

"I know who you are. You look too much like your brilliant doctor of a brother to be anyone else." Unsure of whether to be flattered or insulted by her tone, she said nothing. "Dr. Avery is waiting for you in the I.C.U. Jones, you're her personal guide for the day. Go." Blinking, she stood still until Thomas grasped her arm and pulled her away.

"She's always like that, don't worry. Come on, I.C.U's this way." Again, he led her to the elevators where they took a short ride before the doors opened to the quietest floor yet. The quiet clicking wasn't strange to her as they walked down the hall, looking for the man. Finally, they saw him standing next to the bed of a woman hooked up machinery while a man cried near her. They knocked gently and he looked up, taking the clipboard away and walking out of the room.

"We've got a transplant on our hands." Already, the day was looking up.

.

After seven days of work, Emily already felt nearly at home. Thomas Jones, or more fondly 'Tom' by her, was proving to be a great companion and he introduced her to his circle of friends. There were three of them. Ella Morgan - his girlfriend, which he stated rather proudly - Davin Olson, and Matthew Kenner. They were all friendly, to a point, and each different yet reminded her of her friends back in Seattle. Ella was interested in neuro, Davin in urology and Matthew in cardio. In a way, Ella reminded her of Derek, open and smart, if a bit arrogant like Mark. She was sure Davin would be fantastic friends with Cristina and Matthew with Meredith and George.

Of course, her first week was amazing. She learned from one of the most famous surgeons in the world and worked with her brother and Taylor. Already, she felt two times better than the surgeon who had first walked through the door. She barely stopped moving, always going to collect labs or talking to patients or in surgery. Soon, she established a position in the ranks of the other residents. Her natural talent for plastics and her fervent interest in ortho put her as one of the top of the top. Emily didn't know why she was so scared in the first place when she realized everyone here was just as normal as she.

Tonight was the first day back at Noah's house after days after days of sleeping in the on-call rooms. Emily hadn't spoken to any of her friends and decided to do that as she walked to her room. It was around five and Theresa was in the kitchen, greeting her with a kiss on the cheek.

"Good week?" Her sister-in-law guessed, green eyes keen. It was a breezy Saturday when Emily pulled herself into the three-story house. The pediatrician pulled her hair into a knot as Emily nodded. "God, when's the last time you had a decent meal? Go shower and rest, I'll whip something up."

"I love you," she groaned, dragging herself past the kitchen where Theresa disappeared into and up the stairs. Going into her bedroom, she took off her jacket and put her phone on the nightstand, settling her purse near her empty luggage. Sighing, she yawned and began preparing her clothes. She had done so many back-to-back surgeries due to many of the residents on a research fellowship. Her rotations had got her on so many different experiences. General to cardio to neuro to plastics to ortho. She had loved the last two the most. The head of plastics, Dr. Austen had known of her work with her boyfriend and Callie and made sure she scrubbed in on some of the best surgeries, even first-assisting on one or two.

Once she found a full set of pajamas, she went to the shower and turned it on, taking a steamy shower that reminded her achingly of Mark. Being so busy, she barely had time to think of him but now it hit her like a truck. Sighing, she washed up and got out, wrapping herself in fluffy towels and going back to her room to change. She took out her phone and found some voicemails from her friends. Making a mental to-do list in her head, she put on her clothes and wrapped up her hair in a towel before pulling back the covers of her bed and sliding in. She sighed as the weight finally lifted from her feet.

Unlocking her phone, she felt heat in her blood as she looked at the picture of Mark and her as her background. It was ashamedly a selfie of them. His arm wrapped around her shoulders bringing her closer to him and their heads touching as she leaned towards him. The background was grey and their hair was messy after hours in surgery. The memory was fond, it was one of the first times she had first-assisted with him.

Remembering why she had unlocked her phone in the first place, she opened the phone app. Emily read the list of people who had left messages; at least one from each of her resident friends, one from Bailey, Callie, and Derek and three from Mark. Deciding to save the best for last, she clicked Cristina's name and put the receiver near her ear.

" _Hey, Em. I hope you know that I'm still angry at you because you work with Harper Avery every day and your brother. Seriously, you're so lucky I could strangle you and you'd turn out fine. Anyway, hope you're having fun or something and aren't kicked out yet. God, I hate you so much right now."_ Laughing quietly, she smiled at Cristina's tone before clicking on George's name.

" _Hi. How's Boston and learning from Harper Avery? Is it fun? Have you made friends? I hope you did. Nothing's really changed here except I think Izzie's been acting weird. I saw her talking to herself earlier and she's not been to the clinic in a while. I tried asking Alex about it but he just snapped at me and she's not saying anything either. I hope she'll tell me soon except she's gonna keep saying she's fine. I expect you're doing well and are staying busy, which is good. We miss you here but everyone's happy for you, except Cristina but that's expected. The Chief said I'll take over your interns except they're really beaten up over you leaving. Michael's been way too quiet. Whatever. Anyways, talk to you soon, George."_

" _So, Sadie's still here and a prisoner from Death Row came in. He had something stabbed in his spine and Derek's been... Anyway, it's like all his sympathy is gone for him. I get that he's a serial killer but he's behind bars and he's actually kind of funny. Cristina and I are still fighting, if you wanted to know and nothing else really. Mark's been actually not that bad. I can tell he misses you a lot but he doesn't get as snippy as I thought he'd be. I heard from George that this woman with a calcium-leaching tumor and her 'amazing' guy caused Mark to snap at people for the whole day. Says how much he loves you. Anyway, I have to keep this short. Talk to you soon, bye."_ Meredith's message made her smile at how she had expected her boyfriend would be reduced to a petulant child in her absence. Saving that voicemail, she went onto the next message from Alex.

" _I hate myself. I kinda miss you because I really need someone to drink with and you aren't around. Hope you're good or whatever. I got the solo surgery although I bet you do ten a day anyhow and Izzie told me she's seeing Denny. I mean, is that weird? Seeing your dead fiancé? I saw my grandmother after she died but it was all about not playing with the parts. Pretty sure it isn't the same 'cause she literally told me she had sex with him but it's all a good fantasy, right? I don't get you chicks."_ He sighed audibly and Emily smiled, " _Call me back so we can set a meet-up date. Bye."_

The next message was from Izzie. Expecting the blonde's cheerful voice and getting a younger voice instead, she started. " _Hey. I know you were expecting Izzie but I'm not scrubbing in with her since we're on probation but she asked me to call you,"_ Lexie explained. " _So, hi! We miss you a lot here and Dr. Sloan's even meaner than normal so I hope you visit soon and have sex with him so he's less mean."_ Laughing at Lexie's desperate tone, she stifled them to listen on. " _Oh. Here, Dr. Stevens."_

" _Hi, Em,"_ Izzie greeted cheerfully. " _It's been a few days since you've left and Lexie's right. Dr. Sloan's been a pain in the ass. Uhm, nothing's changed around here except that. Alex has been amazing and he baked me a cake for my birthday. But I bet you're all busy with famous surgeons anyway. It's a three hour difference so I don't know if you're either sleeping or in surgery but goodnight for me. Call soon."_

" _Moore,"_ Bailey's sharp voice penetrated her ears, " _make sure you don't get in trouble. I want you returned in one piece when you visit when you have the time. If you visit and miss something important, Lord help me, I will kick your ass back to Boston. I taught you right but you aren't here anymore so make sure you learn right over there. See you soon."_

" _Oh, god, help me. Meredith's friend is making me all hot and confused and I need you here except you aren't. You are in Boston and Mark is trying to help except he's just as horny as I am and staring at Joe didn't work. Please, tell me you're visiting soon? Call me back!"_

" _I bet a ton of us have told you that Mark's been a pain. And he has but it isn't anything major,"_ Derek assured and she nodded along, opening up her laptop to find her new schedule. After a whole week of working, she had work from Wednesday to Sunday. Mostly on plastics and ortho so it should be fun and she could take a flight back to visit from tomorrow to Tuesday. " _It's been a tough day. My mother's coming into town and Mark's eager for you to meet her. I think he really loves you and it's kind of weird but I'm happy. For once, he's found his place. If you have a few days off, you should visit and we could organize a surprise for him. I don't know, wishful thinking since you're in one of the largest teaching hospitals ever. Anyway, I'll see you. Bye."_

Then, it was Mark's. Breathing, she prepared herself to savor his voice. " _Hey. Everything reminds me of you. Room's lonely. I love you."_

" _I really want to go to Denver. There's this girl with a calcium-leaching tumor and she gave up a guy because he was moving to Denver and she didn't want to break her bones. Now, she's going to Denver. And I want to go to Denver too. Because I miss you and it's pathetic. I miss you."_

" _I found a place across from Callie's. It's nice, spacey and I'm moving in. I took your stuff with me and I texted you the address-"_ So that's what his mysterious text was about. " _-so whenever you visit you'll have a home. I love you and I miss you. Bye."_ She could imagine his blue eyes and strong jaw and sculpted face in front of her, mouth curved into a smile and hair wet from a shower.

"Em! Food's ready!" Theresa called and she was brought out of her stupor, the image of Mark disappearing as she got off the bed, untangling her hair from the towel and leaving her room but not before looking at the background picture of her and Mark one last time.

 **A/N: Edited - October 7, 2018**

 **Next: Mrs. Shepherd and Jackson Avery.**


	31. Mrs Shepherd

_Mrs. Shepherd's coming… to Seattle?_

 _-Mark Sloan_

* * *

"Dr. Avery, you don't need to. It's three in the morning."

" _I insist. Jackson will pick you up. I don't want something bad to happen to you,_ " the man insisted over the phone and Emily nodded, holding onto her duffel bag as she left the customs. " _It's nice for someone to fill in the spot I held for my grandson for two years. You'd like him, I think. Have a safe visit, Emily. I hear Dr. Austen wants you to fly solo on a z-plasty on Thursday. He says you're one of the best in plastics he's seen in awhile_."

"I've had a great teacher, sir. Did - did Dr. Olivier say anything?" she asked hopefully in referral to the orthopedic surgeon. She admired the man greatly and hoped he would say something as well. Harper Avery paused a bit, not willing to disappoint.

" _No_." She sighed audibly. " _But you're just as talented as a fourth year. Have you considered it your specialty in the future?_ "

"Yeah and plastics. Not sure yet." She passed the officer who stamped her passport. "I'm out of customs; What does your grandson look like?" She scanned the people holding signs. Walking past them, Emily spotted family members waiting for their relatives and single women and men waiting for a passenger.

" _Handsome boy_."

"That isn't specific, sir," she teased and he laughed on the other end. She stopped, looked around to see a man with green eyes staring at her. His hands were shoved in his jean pockets as he seemed to be wondering if she was the right person or not. Walking over, she decided to take her chances. "Jackson Avery?" she guessed and he nodded, holding out a hand.

" _I'm assuming you found him, then_ ," said Harper and Emily nodded before remembering he couldn't see her. Shaking Jackson's hand, she confirmed it. " _Then, I'll see you in three days, Emily._ "

"'Course. See you then, bye." Hanging up, she slipped her phone into her bag.

"So, I'm your designated driver, apparently by my grandpa. Where to?" Showing him the address on her phone, he nodded. "Yeah, sure. Let's go, the car's this way." Leading the way, they made conversation, a laugh frequent between them. "I think my grandpa really likes you. The way he talks about you, it's like you're his granddaughter."

"Nah. I strung him along with the residency thing. I'm pretty sure he just wants to make sure I stay," she joked. At this point, he was carrying her duffel bag as they reached the garage. Following Jackson to a car, she sat in shotgun as he put her stuff in the trunk. "How do I know you aren't a serial killer?"

"Well-" He went into the car and inserted the keys, igniting the engine and strapping on his seatbelt- "name is Jackson Avery, I do my residency at Mercy West and my mother is Catherine Avery, originally Fox. There, if you do escape then you can pinpoint me out if I do try to murder you." Chortling, she buckled in as he began to back up. "So, how's my spot in Mass Gen?"

"It's pretty amazing. Tiring, competitive, but amazing. The opportunities there are limitless and I'm performing a z-plasty solo when I get back."

"Plastics, huh?" he questioned and she nodded as they began travelling to her destination.

"Yeah. Mark is a pretty heavy influence," the other informed. Jackson took his eyes off the road for a second to give wide eyes at Emily. "Yeah, Mark Sloan. He's my boyfriend."

"Ah, that's cool. Well, I'm into cardio."

"Just like Cristina," she remarked quietly. At Jackson's question of what she said, she answered with a quick 'nothing'. "I like ortho too. Bones. There's a whole lot of things that you can do."

"That's cool. Is it tough there? The reason I didn't go was because… Harper Avery… me…"

"Yeah, I get that." She watched the cars they passed, "But it's been fantastic. I rarely get compared to my face. If there are expectations besides the regular resident, I haven't heard of them." Jackson looked conflicted before switching the topic, clearly uncomfortable.

"So, what's this address?" he asked as they pulled up to the side. She showed it to him again and a thoughtful look flitted across his face. "It's right across the street from Seattle Grace."

"Yeah, Mark lives here. I'm going to surprise him at work." Her gaze drifted over the time on the dashboard. "I'm sorry your grandpa dragged you out here so early," she apologized with a smile. He shrugged. They drove for another few minutes before he pulled up to the building. He took his keys, exiting the car and taking out her duffel bag as soon as he unlocked the trunk.

"You all set?" She got out and walked around. Jackson handed her her stuff and walked her to the entry after closing the back.

"Thanks for driving me, Jackson. See you?" He nodded with a smile before announcing that he'd go to hospital then. "Have a safe drive," she said in farewell and he drove off. Entering the building, she used the elevator to go up after being buzzed in by Callie. Taking the elevator, she was met with her friend and entered the apartment.

"Hey, Callie!" She shifted her bag, hugging the woman tightly with one arm. "It's so good to see you. One week and I already miss you guys."

"Yeah, come in! Cristina's not up yet but she should be."

"And Mark?"

"Probably asleep. We were up late moving the stuff in." She pointed at the blue door across the hall. "He's just across the hall so he isn't far. We have to be careful about this surprise." Nodding, Emily dropped off her bag on the couch. "We asked the Chief for privileges and he's glad you're back even if he doesn't show it."

"Cool," she breathed, unzipping her bag. Taking out her clothes, she looked around. "So, can I crash for a few hours?"

"Definitely. I'll wake you up when it's time."

.

Mark woke up. It was simple. Depressingly simple. There was no kiss or a laugh or smile. He just opened his eyes and his brain decided that, yes, it was time to wake up. He turned over, hand hoping to land on something other than the cold emptiness of the bed. As always, he was disappointed and he got up, feeling lonely as ever. Once he managed to scrap the energy to get up, he poured himself coffee that didn't quite taste right without a dimpled smile and changed into an outfit deemed normal to go out.

Once he did, he went out to the hospital, changed into scrubs and looked for his charts before Callie paged him. "So, this guy had lengthening surgery on his legs and I need you to help on the surgery."

"Yeah, sure. Look, Em said her plane would be arriving at four. Could I pick her up before?" Callie shook her head, hiding a huge grin that was fighting to appear. "Damn it. It has to be today?"

"Otherwise he'll lose his legs."

"Fine." He whipped around and walked around the corner. Callie allowed the grin to appear, turning to where Emily was hiding near George, chatting animatedly.

"Plan is set in motion. I'll have you scrub in," Callie whispered excitedly, walking quickly away. George furrowed his brow in confusion.

"Mark doesn't know I'm here. It's a surprise," she explained quietly as Meredith walked by, wearing an alarmingly high ponytail. "Mer!" the brunette hissed, "What is with your hair?" The blonde paused, looking around.

"Em! You're back!" Smiling, she nodded before gesturing the ponytail. "Derek's mother is here." Of course. "I'm dying."

"You'll be fine," she soothed. "It's just one day. Are you still fighting with Cristina?"

"I apologized," Meredith checked her watch as Emily frowned. "I've got to go have lunch with Mrs. Shepherd." Nodding, they bid farewell as Emily leaned on the counter beside George.

"This morning Cristina just said hi. Which is the best she can do, I suppose, with my working at Mass Gen while she's here. They're _brilliant_ over there, did you know?" she asked George who nodded with a smile.

"Yeah, I knew the first three times," he teased and she flushed. "Izzie spent the night making Mer's homey in case Derek brought his mom home. She was clutching onto that tequila like a life-vest." Emily laughed, nudging him with her elbow.

"I'm sure she was. Come on, let's go watch Mer eat her lunch," Emily whispered nefariously and he grinned, following the blonde subtly and waiting in line for a salad. After they paid for their meal, they sat down at the table where she was enthusiastically greeted by Izzie with a hug.

"Where are they?"

"Over there." Izzie pointed to where Meredith and Derek were sitting with an older woman. She looked like she really needed to pee. "Anyway, I think it's nice. Your date."

"You're going on a date?" Emily repeated, "With who? Owen Hunt?" she guessed. Izzie nodded, grinning as she watched the woman eat.

"Yep. Don't you think her and the pig murderer would make a good couple?"

"Now that I think about it…"

"What are you gonna do on your date?" the blonde persisted as George watched their friend eat with Derek's mother, his own food untouched. "What are you gonna talk about?"

"Why do you care?" Cristina riposted, genuinely confused as Izzie explained how one only got to do a first date once and what questions to ask. "I know how to go on a date."

"Why is Meredith eating pot roast?" George asked before a confrontation could occur, raising his head to see better. They turned and peered at her, confused. Emily frowned slightly, chewing on a tomato thoughtfully.

"It's a show lunch for the mommy. She's freaking out. That ponytail? It's gonna blow," Cristina commented distastefully as Meredith agreed to something one of them said before making a stumbling excuse to leave. As she did, the green-eyed resident sent them a glare to not say anything and left the cafeteria. "Told ya."

"It's not Mer's fault she isn't parent material," George protested, finally starting his lunch. "Sloan, twelve o'clock." They all glanced near the soda machines and Emily ducked her head, eating more of her salad. "He's talking to Mrs. Shepherd, you're good."

"Why're you hiding from your boyfriend? Going to break up with your lover?" Cristina teased. "He's been mopey for a week. He's just starting to get better and you're back to break his heart."

"Excuse you," Emily said, tone jokingly sharp, "I'm actually here to surprise him. None of you say anything."

"See? Romantic… sexy. Everything a first date should be," said Izzie with a meaningful look at Cristina. Letting out a frustrated noise, the asian woman dropped her fork and took her tray, leaving the table. "What?"

"Iz, tone down on the romantics." warned the other two and the blonde huffed, glancing over at where Mark was talking to Mrs. Shepherd.

"I think it's nice, being in love. You've got to appreciate it while it's there." Izzie explicated, watching as the head of plastics left the cafeteria, presumably for the surgery.

"Go. Surgery was scheduled for one-forty-five. It's one now. You've got to prep him for surgery if you wanna surprise Sloan on time," George urged with a glance of the clock. Nodding, she gave her friends one last tight hug each and left the cafeteria as well, making sure she wasn't in Mark's field of sight.

.

She scrubbed in ten minutes early so she didn't bump into him. Going in just as Callie entered, she shared a look. Most of her features were hidden behind her mask and scrub cap and the only way for Mark to recognize her was if he actually saw her eyes or heard her voice, which he wouldn't until Callie made it painfully obvious. The tanned woman had a big smile before gesturing for Emily to go in and not a moment too soon as Mark entered.

Being gowned and gloved, she assumed her position where Mark would need her as the first assist. The patient, Mr. Rubin, was not yet asleep as they transferred him to the table. He gazed around him, somewhat afraid as they bared his legs. She winced at the yellow and red that marred his skin, telltale signs of infection. It was clear why Callie always refused patients who wanted this procedure.

"Is there hope at all?" he asked and Emily looked at him, blinking and unsure if she should speak. "I know - I know the doctors said that they'd have to take it out but were they lying to scare me? So I don't get my two inches?" She frowned, shaking her head.

"Mr. Rubin, the infection has gone deep into the bone. I'm sure Dr. Torres already mentioned that, so we're going to have to take it out if you want your legs at all. We're going to put you under now," she added with a glance at the anesthesiologist who nodded. "So, have a nice nap and you'll wake up in your bed." He nodded grumpily, closing his eyes as the doctor administered the drugs. "Count backwards from ten." There was whoosh as the door opened for the two lead surgeons. Glancing back, she met eyes with Callie who came in after Mark. She shook her head slightly and Emily turned back forward as Mark, now gowned and gloved stood beside her.

"Let's retract the wound so we can take this crap out," Mark muttered and she placed the tool in his hands. Opening the incision further, he began unscrewing pieces of metal from the leg. "It's like pudding in here."

"This is exactly why I don't do this procedure," Callie admonished. "I mean, you're living with broken legs for months. You're in excruciating pain. God, all for a few inches." Mark leaned in front of her to place the screws in the metal tray she held for him. As he drew back, he was dangerously close to her face and froze a split second. "Mark?"

.

This was just a regular surgery. While the man's skin and muscles were pudding and he detached pieces bit by bit, he was expecting anything to go wrong. Medically.

He didn't expect to smell something so familiar it overcame the scent of infection. It was floral and soft and something that was always linked to Emily. His girlfriend who was on a plane, not in his O.R. But he took his chances and glanced up as he drew back. The woman next to him was putting the metal tray back and he shook his head minutely. It wasn't her. "Mark?"

"Nothing." it all happened in a split second. Something flickered behind Callie as his best friend and the woman shared a look. "What were we saying?" She detached a large frame from the leg and placed it in the tray.

"Why people do this surgery."

He nodded, cocking his head and starting on the next piece of framework. "Pain and agony for a little bit of pleasure. I get it."

"If it's that bad, why'd you let her go?" Another clank of metal as they removed another part of the brace - if you could call it that. "You could've just let her stay and sle- done _it_."

"Because it would've been wrong to keep her here. Besides, it won't feel bad when I'm doing _it._ " Callie scoffed. "It's been a week and I still know it's gonna be good. No, mindblowing. And maybe if you weren't so scared of getting burned-" he stared at her steadily- "you'd feel the same." Mark glanced at his assistant again as she held out the metal tray for Callie.

"You know, I used to walk tall around here." His best friend's voice wavered, looking down, "I used to walk tall. Then… came George." Then did she looked at him and he felt a flash of sympathy. "He took off at least an inch. Then Erica went and left me. That shaved off a few more. I got shorter. All that humiliation it makes you shorter. So, yeah, I am scared of getting hurt because one more personal disaster right now would cut me off at the knees." She let another piece of metal drop. The woman beside him held her gaze, something akin to a message passed between them and Callie's eyes crinkled at the edge, showing a smile. "You're lucky to have her. She doesn't ask for much and she loves you. You're still standing tall, Mark."

"I've been humiliated. You know, being Addison's mister set me near my knees when I first came here. I already started with a disadvantage. So I slept with nurses, to give me a few prosthetic inches. Didn't work. Didn't fit. People still hated me when I first came to Seattle," he said dryly and Callie still didn't look away from the person next to her. Glancing at her as well, he remembered seeing that face many times before. Laughing and smiling behind a mask as they operated together. Blinking, he stared harder but she turned away. "You know I just started feeling tall again. Because of Derek, and you, and Emily."

"She built you up. When I met you, you were tall. Not as tall as you are now, but tall, because she was your best friend. She gave what they took from you. What you sawed off yourself." Then did Callie looked at him and swallowed with difficulty. "If she were single, I'd be in love with her too."

"Yeah," he said quietly and they continued on in silence. They finished with one leg and turned to the next when Mark felt the bittersweetness of her arrival hit him once he glanced at the clock. _4:00._ And he was almost done… perhaps two more pieces left. If they had scheduled the surgery earlier… "She's here. In Seattle, she's home."

"She is," Callie affirmed but something told him she wasn't talking about arriving at the airport. Taking out the black metal, he sighed. "Mark,"

"What?"

"I wanted to surprise you but then everything turned depressing," a new voice interrupted and his eyes widened. He met the hazel eyes that were so familiar and let out a disbelieving laugh. "Hey, Mark."

"Em… You've been under my nose this whole time, literally." he teased at her height and she smiled. "You have got to give me further notice."

"That ruins the surprise," she riposted as Callie finally detached the final piece. The Latina glanced between the two and chuckled. Emily's eyes widened as she gazed at their word, frowning at how the pieces didn't fit together. "Callie," she began, "the bones don't fit."

"Damn," the ortho surgeon realized with a frown. She glanced at the nurse who began to take out the bone saw, "you're right. Uh, okay. Mark, you can scrub out now. I just need Em's help to shave off some bone. You up for it?"

"Always."

Mark stepped back, feeling lighter as Emily sidestepped into his place and asked for an instrument. It was just a week and she was already a much better surgeon. More observant, in control. He'd be happy for that if it didn't mean she had to leave again. But for now, he'd have to relish his moments with her while he still could.

When he scrubbed out, he pulled off his scrub cap and put on his lab coat to meet Mrs. Shepherd in the lobby. "Mark Sloan, where is the girl that you talk about so much?"

"She's in surgery." He pulled at his ear guiltily as she frowned in disappointment. "You'll like her. I promise." Mrs. Shepherd smiled then, reaching out and rubbing his shoulder. Mark grinned at the motherly action.

"You're overcoming your low expectations, Mark. Since you were a little boy, you've always had these very low expectations. You've raised them. How old is she?"

"Thirty."

"Good." An approving nod, "You've got the maturity of a horny fifteen-year old. You need young." He glanced down between his hands and nodded.

"Mmhm." That caused a laugh between the two of them.

"Will I see her tonight?" He started, glancing at his phone to check the time; it was five-thirty. "Mark Sloan. Have you been hiding her away?"

"No! No, no. I didn't even know she was here until we were in surgery," Mark protested and Mrs. Shepherd gave him a look as if wondering if he were telling the truth or not. "I promise. When she gets out of surgery, you'll love her."

.

Emily left surgery happy and hyped to see Mark. Spotting a woman speaking to Meredith, she waited until they finished speaking to approach her friend. "You took down the ponytail."

"Yeah and I may have potentially scared off Derek's mother," she replied. "How'd the surgery go?"

"Good. I'm actually looking for Mark now." Izzie came over, looking somewhat disappointed. "Have you seen him?"

"No. Mer, what did you say to her? Honestly, the smile was working!" the taller blonde reprimanded.

"No, it wasn't. And one thing I'm not is a liar," Meredith defended. "Oh, look." There was a change in the conversation and the blonde tapped the brunette on the shoulder. "He's over there."

"Thanks, Mer." Giving her a one-armed hug and another hug to Izzie, she practically skipped over to him. Tapping him on the shoulder, he turned around and immediately her arms wrapped around his neck. Kissing him was so familiar as his arms enfolded her in a warm hug. Feeling light-headed, she pulled back for a fraction of a second to breathe before his lips met hers again.

"We," he started to say but it every word was split between another kiss, "should go home." Then did she pause and smile against his mouth. "I can show you how much I've missed you."

"So can I." She smirked and broke away. "I'll meet you in the lobby."

"Yeah." Nearly skipping away, she changed into the outside clothes she came in with, spotting George. He was packing his stuff to turn in for the night and she offered a smile.

"Hey, Em," the man greeted first and she smiled at the familiar tone. "You want a granola bar?" He shoved his hand in his bag and it resurfaced with a shiny, silver-wrapped bar. A nostalgic glimmer in both their eyes, she took it.

"That'll always be our thing, right?" she asked and he nodded with a soft 'of course'. Sitting down beside him, she rested her head on his shoulder. "Everything's different," she said, not unkindly. "Boston's different. I miss you guys a lot."

"I know," he replied, resting his head against hers. Their hands clasped together and she breathed heavily. "We miss you too."

"But the world keeps on turning,"

"It does," he agreed and they stayed like that for a while. It didn't matter that Mark was waiting for her or that she had a flight to catch in a few days. What mattered now was the moment with one of her closest friends. Her gaze flitted across the row of cubbies, landing on her own. It was haunting, as if waiting - calling - for her to come back. But for now, it was inhabited by her bag.

It would surely gather dust with no one to fill it. Raising her head, she wrapped an arm around George's waist and they hugged, not wanting to let go. "I'll see you."

"Yeah. You know you're like my sister, right? You can tell me anything." Something in his words was like a premonition of the distant future. Holding back a frown, she pressed her lips in a firm line and nodded.

"And you're like my brother, George. You guys-" her gaze raked over the cubbies again- "are my family. That doesn't change."

"I know." He nodded and she got up, grabbing her bag.

"See you, George."

"Bye." She left, travelling down a flight of stairs and to the elevator where Mark would wait for her. Surprisingly, he wasn't there and she waited near the elevator for Mark to come out. Releasing her hair from its haphazard bun and shaking out her brown curls, she waited patiently for him.

After a few minutes, there was a ding and the elevator doors opened. Callie and Mark were inside and as Mark left, he paused and turned around. "All you can do is be brave enough to get out there. You fought, you loved, you lost. Walk tall, Torres." Getting out of the way of the elevator doors, Emily smiled at Callie before she disappeared. Walking to where he parked the car, Mark laid an arm around her shoulders. Leaning into him, she sighed.

"I'm glad she's keeping you company while I'm not here," she admitted with a smile. He rested his head on hers, kissing her hair. "So, do you want me to meet Mrs. Shepherd?"

"Not really. All I want is a hot shower and you," he murmured and she blew out a puff of air. The cold air stung her cheeks refreshingly and she rubbed her hands together, missing the Seattle wind.

"Mark!" They paused, turning around to see the same woman that talked to Meredith approach them with Derek. "Aren't you going to introduce me?"

"Uh," he started, glancing at Emily, "Mrs. Shepherd, this is Emily. Emily, this is Mrs. Shepherd." Offering a hand to shake (she seemed to be doing that a lot lately), she gave the older woman a smile.

"It's nice to finally meet you," said the younger woman genuinely, drawing back. Carolyn turned to Derek to say something and he nodded albeit reluctantly. Sensing that the woman wanted to speak alone, she turned to Mark. "Wait by the road. I'll be there in a sec," she whispered and they kissed briefly before he nodded and walked away, eyes lingering. Immediately, Derek's mom set her hands on the surgeon's shoulders.

"Do you have a criminal record?" Her eyes were searching as she started. Blinking, she processed the question before answering.

"No, ma'am."

"How many sexual partners? Be honest, I won't judge."

"Definitely less than Mark," she said bluntly before realizing what she had said, "But, uh, three serious ones, not including." Carolyn Shepherd narrowed her eyes before drawing away. "Ma'am?"

"You're a good woman. I can see that. Good for Mark." It was like she was granting her a seal of approval and Emily was unsure how to respond so she just nodded. "Don't mess it up."

"O-of course, ma'am." she promised and the woman turned around and started walking towards the hospital again, leaving Emily alone.

.

"I like the new shower," Emily mumbled drowsily as Mark kissed her neck. They spooned in their bed, warm and cozy as his hand on top of hers slowly traced circles at her stomach. Smiling, he traced a trail of kisses up her neck to her jaw and then to her hair where he inhaled the scent of the fresh flowers. "And the bed."

"Yeah?" he murmured as she snuggled closer to her pillow, raising their joined hands in the process. It pulled him closer towards her as he whispered that he loved her.

"I love you, too." she replied and he reached for the light before falling asleep with the woman he loved in his arms.

 **A/N: Edited - October 7, 2018**

 **Next:** **Meeting fellow residents, Mark and Derek get into a fight and Emily finds a friend in Tom.**


	32. We Aren't All Alone In The Dark

_Yet once we face our fears and turn to each other for help, night time isn't so scary because we realize we aren't all alone in the dark._

 _-Meredith Grey_

* * *

"Dr. Moore." She raised her head from where she was finishing off a chart and saw Tom smiling at her jokingly. "How was your visit?"

"It was good," the brunette replied, flushing at the thought of how much although fantastic, _inappropriate_ sex they had had during her stay. It was her second day back after working the overnight shift for the N.I.C.U. "How were your days off?"

"Eh." he shrugged with a smile. "Spent time with Ella and the others. Whose service you on?"

"Ortho; Dr. Olivier. You're on plastics?"

"Yep. With Austen," he groaned. "I so wanted peds this week." He sighed and she gave him a sympathetic smile. "Well, we better go before Bakely's on our ass." Agreeing, she began stacking the charts how the ortho attending liked it and began walking to the first room on the list. When she approached, she heard an angry conversation not in English but in another language she didn't understand.

"Dr. Moore, you're early." She looked forward and saw the man she was waiting for. Dr. Olivier was a doctor around fifty years with salt-and-pepper hair and keen blue eyes. His accent always set him apart from the other staff. That fantastic French accent. "Are they arguing again?" he asked with a sigh.

"Excuse me?" She followed him in and it broke the arguing. In the bed was a man, an angry expression upon his face that was echoed in the standing man's. Offering the chart to the attending, she tried to figure out their relationship as Dr. Olivier turned to her expectantly. "Carlos Sanchez, sixty-four, in for a hip and knee replacement after complaining of severe pain on his left leg." She reported, having memorized all of them to impress the attending. Dr. Olivier nodded, opening the binder.

"Fernando, you may stay if you wish to."

"I was just leaving," the standing man snapped, shoving past the doctors and storming out of the room. Carlos Sanchez stared after him, a tinge of sadness in his gaze.

"Mr. Sanchez," Emily prompted softly, causing the man to look at him. Dr. Olivier's lips quirked downwards and she couldn't help but stare out the door where his brother no longer stood. "Do you have any other family we could call?" she asked, returning to the patient. Mr. Sanchez shook his head and a mask of sympathy schooled her features. Something about 'Fernando' felt off to her but she ignored it as Dr. Olivier told her to prep him for surgery.

.

Tom picked up a fry from her tray and she scrunched up her nose at him, scowling. "I'm not blind."

"But you're nice," he retorted as Ella sat down beside the brunet. "Hey, Els," he greeted warmly, pecking the woman on the mouth before returning to his own lunch. "Where's Davin? Aren't you on that-"

"Penis case?" the blonde supplied, stabbing her lettuce with her fork. Emily snorted, picking up an apple slice. "He's running labs but I seriously need to get away from the testosterone. You're my only hope, Em!" she said dramatically, leaning towards the brunette and away from her boyfriend who reeled back in mock-offense.

"I'm sure Tom can ward off the hormones. He's very feminine," the brunette snorted, chuckling. Soon, another man came over to the table, settling in the chair between Tom and Emily. "Hey, Matt."

"Hi." He flushed a trademark red at her greeting. "How's your day going?" Cracking open the cup of yogurt, she shrugged. "Oh." He sounded slightly disappointed as Ella made a crack remark, making his skin redden even more.

"Leave him alone, Ella," Emily chastised playfully and the blond man flashed her a grateful glance. "Hey." She leaned forward, remembering that the blonde had been on ortho the week before. "You know about Mr. Sanchez?"

"The man needing a hip replacement?" She nodded, "Yeah, I admitted him on my last day. Olivier wanted to take a look at it; why?"

"His brother-"

"Fernando?" all of them chorused and she blinked repeatedly.

"We all know him," Matthew added, a strange look on his face.

"What?"

"He's a recovering addict. We all treated him at least once," Tom explained, "Relapsed too many times to count. It's almost ritual." She frowned thoughtfully. Ella made a face and she turned around to see a ginger man, his blue eyes glimmering at them. "Welcome to the cult."

"Glad to be here," Davin retorted, settling his tray down. "Labs should be up in an hour, they'll page you," he informed Ella who grumbled with a roll of her eyes. "You see a penis often enough. _More_ than enough," he corrected with a pointed look at Tom. The brunet smirked as Davin settled down beside Matthew. "How's the newbie doing?"

"Newbie's doing fine," Matthew said, chewing on his sandwich.

"Not you, Matt."

"I wasn't talking about me." Emily smiled at the banter, reminiscent of her friends back in Seattle. Matthew huffed, green eyes narrowed at his best friend who shrugged.

"Newbie's doing fine," she echoed Matthew. "Don't have to be so tart all the time," she sniffed in a faux-haughty manner as Ella snorted, removing the water bottle from her lips as she began rubbing the bridge of her nose.

"Water went up my nose," she said with a cough, swallowing. Tom immediately began rubbing his girlfriend's back, unsure of what to do. Emily sent an apologetic look her way as Davin rolled his eyes.

"Yes I do. It's my defining characteristic," the ginger replied as her pager went off. Emily looked at the device near her hip to see Dr. Olivier paging her.

"I've gotta go. Don't die," she said with a pointed finger to Ella who was calming down. Matthew chuckled quietly as she picked up her tray. "It'd be a humiliating way to go."

.

"What happened?"

"We've got a situation," the French surgeon sighed, "walk with me." They began striding down the hall quickly, brushing past nurses and orderlies. They went into an elevator as finally, the blue-eyed man turning to his student. "It appears Fernando has gotten into trouble."

"Fernando," she repeated. "Mr. Sanchez's brother. What happened?" Grabbing a trauma gown, he passed her one before snapping on a pair of latex gloves. She shoved her arms through it hastily before barely managing to grab a pair of gloves as well as she followed after the attending. He ran into the E.R., diving into the bustling crowd and into trauma room three. Emily followed after him, eyes widening at the sight on the table. The man on the table didn't even look at all like the man earlier that morning.

Skin was burned away on his neck, face and chest. They all oozed blood as E.R. staff bustled around the man, hooking him up to monitors. Coming closer, she raked her gaze over the body, freezing when she spotted the legs. They were obviously amputated by a trained doctor and would heal for a prosthetic easily.

"Driving while high. Slammed right into another car with a kid in it," a man explained with disgust and she looked over her shoulder to see her brother wheeling in a small girl, crying for her dad. Feeling any sympathy evaporate into the air, she read the x-rays taken on the screen. _Clavicle fracture and damage to the left radius and ulna. His fingers have extensive damage. I'd fix them by ex vivo,_ she mused, trying not to touch the scarred skin. Finally, another doctor came into the room, face wet with sweat.

"The mom's in critical condition. We need an ortho consult on her," Taylor reported to Olivier who nodded. "Somehow, this bastard didn't receive any spinal damage. He just lost his legs." So that's who did it. At Emily's confused look, he answered, "I was there on the scene. He was trapped between the cars."

"Can you handle the bone repairs, Moore?" Dr. Olivier asked. Momentarily stunned, she blinked. It would be the first time she operated without any assistance from the attending. It was a pause before she found her voice and when she blinked again, he was gone. Taylor had answered for her as they raised the rails.

"Let's get him to the O.R. people!" the trauma surgeon yelled and she kicked open the door, pulling along the bed. Holding the elevator, she waited until they were all in before taking out the scrub cap she kept in her back pocket. Tying her hair up, she glanced at Taylor. His blond hair was tucked underneath his own scrub cap - one with x-ray pictures of broken bones on a black background, tiny white inscriptions explaining what each picture was. "Ready for this?"

"Hopefully." With a weak smile, she held onto the rails tighter as the elevator doors opened. Swallowing, she surged onward.

.

When Emily sat down in the chair normally Dr. Olivier sat, aligned with Fernando Sanchez's body, she felt awkward. The other surgeons, older residents and attendings, seemed to be watching her like hawks but the calm presence of Taylor took the edge off.

"Okay. Scalpel." The blade was pressed firmly into her hand and she opened up the arm to see the mess of bones. Glancing at the other arm, she tried to estimate in her head how long it'd take. She had to align the shards of bone so they repaired properly and even then, the risk of infection was high.

She could do this. That's why she was here. To learn to take the lead. She had seen Dr. Olivier do this before. She could do this. _I can do this. I can do this. I can do this._ The surgery began.

Taylor's constant friendly talk helped ease the passing of time as she informed them that she was going to expose his clavicle. As she did so, somebody bumped into her and the body jostled. Sending a glare to the person who bumped into her, some arrogant third-year, she began to scour for damage. The monitors began to beep and she raked her gaze up to watch his pressure drop before her eyes.

"What the hell?" She dug her fingers in, following the line of the bone until it touched something pulsating, warm. "Someone page cardio."

"What happened?" Taylor asked, raising his hands to scoot over. Across from Emily, he grabbed suction and tried to clear the flooding field as she asked for a clamp.

"The clavicle punctured the heart." Tools were wordlessly placed into her hands and she tried to fix the hole, unable to see. "I need better visualisation."

"Lap pads, come on." The blond stuffed it into the cavity as she heard the door swoosh open.

"What happened?"

"Clavicle punctured the heart. We need to remove it before he bleeds out." The cardio attending nodded, taking Taylor's place to see where she was at. "What do I do?"

"Okay. You're going to listen to me step-by-step. One mistake, this patient is dead. Got it?" She nodded, not taking her eyes off the heart as it continued to pump blood. With every pulse, more blood gushed out. The beeping rung in her ears and she could barely hear the cardio attending's instructions. Still, her hands operated on their own as they carefully removed the bone fragment, stitching the hole closed. Vitals stabilized.

She straightened up and sighed, the tension leaving her body.

When she walked out of that surgery six hours later, the patient alive and stable, she never saw that resident again.

.

As soon as she was out of surgery, she saw Dr. Olivier coming out of another. He ripped off his scrub cap, revealing his frustrated scowl. "Did he live?" he asked pointedly and she nodded. "Fuck."

"I'm assuming the mom didn't," she said and he was quiet. "What now?"

"Now, we tell Carlos what his bastard of a brother did." Nodding grimly, she followed her mentor into the elevator and up to the ortho wing where Carlos Sanchez was being prepared for surgery. Before he went in, Dr. Olivier looked over at her, blue eyes sharp. She stared steadily back before looking away.

"You're an amazing surgeon," he told her grudgingly and she looked up, startled. She didn't think so. "I was paged when the clavicle punctured the aorta." _Really? I didn't hear it._ She thought dazedly as he offered a small smile.

"Sir?"

"You had it. You're good under pressure. You think quick and you think ahead." She didn't know where he was going with this. "You flew solo today, even when things did not go as planned. And I'm… proud." He nodded once, resuming his hard front and going into the room. Sighing, she rested her head against the wall and closed her eyes. It was so worth it being here.

.

Time passed and she wondered if it she were living in a different world. Seattle seemed like years away and she felt every part of her ache. Everything was so deep-down-to-her-bones tired.

" _I miss you. I miss you so much because I am horny and alone and I hate you. You're my best friend and normally I'd have things to talk about with you, and I do. But it's so much easier when I can see you."_

"Hey, Emily. We have to scrub in." She turned off her phone and tried to stop the aching in her heart as she turned on the sink. Tom came in beside her. He tied on his mask, stepping on the pedal to turn on the sink. "Who was that?"

"Mark." He hummed with an easy smile. "I miss him."

"I don't think it can be easy, being away from the one you love," Tom said and she smiled. Beginning to scrub in, she glanced at the brunet. "Wanna go out for drinks later with the gang?"

"I don't want to ruin the fun," she said and he snorted.

"You won't. You're one of us." At this, Emily felt the smile dig hard into her cheeks. "Come for drinks after work. I'm not taking no for an answer," he warned, raising his hands and drying them with a towel. Heading into the O.R., he winked at her through the glass and she chuckled. A warmth spread down to her toes as she turned off the sink, walking into the O.R. Inside, Noah and Dr. Olivier were already preparing for surgery. Tom smiled at her from behind his mask and she grinned, knowing.

"Drinks later," he whispered, leaning over the kid and she snickered, drawing back. Noah sent them an amused look before holding out a hand.

"Ten blade."

.

" _You know what, maybe I could get used to this,"_ Mark said and she groaned quietly, squeezing her eyes tighter. " _Remember this? Before I moved to Seattle? I would stay on the phone all night just to hear you sleep."_

"Which is kinda creepy now that you say it like that," she mumbled and he lowered his voice when she yawned. Tom was sleeping on the top bunk in the on-call room after a midnight trauma case resulting in an unexpected surgery after their thirty-six hour shift. Letting go of her phone, she placed it on the bed and turned so her mouth was near the speaker.

" _Shut up. It was very romantic."_

'You were in love with Addison back then," she sang and he groaned. "But I agree. Very romantic."

" _Yeah, so when Derek filled the whole bedroom with rose petals and a huge stuffed bear and candles, is that romantic?"_

"Why would he do that?"

" _He's planning to propose to Grey._ " Her eye shot open and she barely contained her voice as she tried to get her mouth to work. Sitting up, she grasped her phone and managed to ramble, stringing a few words into an incoherent sentence before saying one that was just understandable.

"He is? That's fantastic!"

" _Except I wasn't supposed to tell you so lie back down because I know you're sitting up. You need to sleep."_ Lying back down with a pout, she put her phone next to her mouth once more. " _Would you like that kind of thing? Rose petals, and bouquets…_ "

He trailed off and she prompted, "And?"

" _And a proposal. Eventually. Not now,"_ he rambled and she chuckled quietly. " _We just got together, and all."_

"Mark, I want your proposal and the rose petals and the bouquets," she murmured. "I want everything with you. "

" _When do you think your next visit will be?"_ he asked and she tried to run her schedule through her head. Flopping onto her stomach, she smirked. She had a perfect slot starting in a few hours and it lasted an entire seven days, if she skipped the two sim days she had booked earlier. So she had some breathing room if she wanted to return later than what was booked. Was it worth it?

 _Obviously_. She _could sneak down_ again. The thought made her more awake than she had been in hours.

"Next week, maybe?" she lied. "Maybe the week after. I have to study up on these surgeries and I wanna catch up on my sim time. You know they have these big labs that simulate actual cases. It's amazing." He laughed over the other end.

" _Yes, I know."_ He waited for a response and when only soft breathing replied, he sighed. " _Goodnight, jailbait._ " There was no response yet he didn't hang up. He just wanted to hear her and pretend she was still with him.

.

Throwing together a quick duffel bag full of clothes, she told her brother where she was going, kissed her nephews goodbye and hugged her sister-in-law. "See you. Text you when I land safe," she promised and boarded the first plane to Seattle. Landing six hours later, she felt excitement spark in her veins as she told the taxi to drive to Mark's apartment. Letting herself in using the spare key, she dumped her duffel bag and immediately felt her stomach grumble in protest. There was a faint smell of Chinese takeout? Something of the sort, and Emily hadn't eaten since she'd gotten on the plane.

Still, she didn't crave Chinese as much as she craved a burger. Taking a quick shower and brushing her teeth, she changed into a pair of clean clothes and tossed her hair up into a ponytail before heading out. Descending down the steps, she exited the building and walked the short way to Joe's down the street.

"Joe, what can I do for a burg - Oh." Stopping short, she felt herself burn up as the people in the bar turned to look at her. "Hi. Addison? Hey!" Another man walked up and she felt her smile grow. "Derek!"

"Emily - I haven't even seen you around." The redhead stood up and they embraced awkwardly. "Are you - are you looking for Mark?"

"Is he around?" she asked, confused. "I just got off a plane so I - I didn't know he was here?" Addison pulled back and Emily smiled slightly. "I work at Mass Gen now."

"Yeah. Her brother invited her to work in Boston," Derek supplied and Addison arched her eyebrows. Derek grasped her arm, an easy smile on his face. "Yeah. She's a big shot. Oh, this is Naomi and Sam, old friends." The two at the bar waved their hands. "This is Emily Moore."

"You're Noah's sister?" the man, Sam, exclaimed and Emily narrowed her eyes, heading for the bar as Joe leaned forward.

"Burger?"

"Yes, please," she sighed, sitting on a stool. Leaning forward, she fiddled with the basket that held bar nuts as Addison and Derek sat at a table nearby.

"So you're Noah Moore's little sister?"

"Every time. It's a head turner, _every_ time," Emily sighed as a burger was placed before her, hot and fresh and smelling absolutely scrumptious. Squirting ketchup over her fries, she reached for the pepper when someone tugged her off the stool. Yelping, she grasped the arms and felt the familiar leather smooth under her palms. She knew only one man who wore a black leather jacket and the smell of aftershave that accompanied this new person made her sure. "Mark! Let me down!"

She was spun around and was crushed in a hug. Her arms looped around his neck and one hand buried in his hair, tugging him down. Their lips met deeply and her eyes closed as he pushed her back until she was leaning against the bar counter. One hand cupped her face as he pulled back to breathe.

"I missed you," she murmured and he kissed her again, softer this time. The ground solidified under their feet and he laughed shakily.

"And you lied to me. I wasn't expecting you," he whispered, raking his fingers over her scalp. "I would have prepared something. Looked better. You know, bouquets and teddy bears and-"

"If you proposed to me now, I would say yes" she sang teasingly and he groaned, forehead against hers. "You can get me bouquets and teddy bears and a ring later," she added quietly, wide smile fading to a softer one. Her cheeks ached and the comfort flooded her veins. His arms were her blanket of security.

"Wait, _what_?" Sam made them turn away from each other to see the other four still in the room. "Since when did Mark have a functional relationship?"

"I'm coming to grips with it myself," Derek said as his pager blared. "Damn. Addie, we have to go. It's Jen." Emily sent a confused look at Mark who shook his head. Not now.

"I'm still hungry," she reminded when the two surgeons left. Mark chuckled, sitting next to her at the bar as she dug into her burger. Leaning on his arm, he stared at her eating and she eyed him. "Do I have something on my face?" He reached to brush back drying wispy hair from her face. His fingers curled against her face as Sam and Naomi, on the other side of Emily, whispered to each other.

"No." His blue eyes glowed softly and she leaned over to kiss him. "I've missed you." She smiled against his lips, kissing him again.

"I've missed you, too."

.

Walking up to the main nurse's station near the staircase, Emily pulled her hair out from under her hoodie and fidgeted with her phone. Lexie passed by, engrossed in her chart, and Emily smiled in greeting when the younger surgeon glanced up to make sure she didn't bump into anyone.

"Hey, Emily," she said before continuing on. Emily turned to try and find Mark when he appeared before her, coffee cups in his hands. Extending one to her, she smiled. Behind him, she saw Addison's and Callie's offended expressions and then frowned playfully.

"Hi. Weird seeing you here," she joked and he sighed helplessly, beaming down at her. There was a prominent red mark along her neck and he kissed that spot as she sipped her coffee, rolling her eyes.

"It's impressive that you can even walk after the last two days." Wrinkling her nose, she lowered her voice in her response.

"Well, it's tradition where we christen everything," she said and he chuckled, kissing her forehead. Looping an arm around his neck, she pecked his lips thrice before pulling back and sipping her coffee. "And we better finish before my flight tonight."

"You have work tomorrow?"

"I don't have work at all this week. I have sim time and it's like a study week to prepare for a spinal osteomyelitis surgery." He arched an eyebrow in surprise.

"I've done a few in my time. I could be your study buddy."

She laughed and pecked his cheek, pulling away. "Sounds like a great plan. Tonight, then?" Kissing her mouth, he nodded.

"It's a date."

.

"Alex!" she called and he turned to her, face lighting up with pleasant surprise.

"Em! Hey." He engulfed her in a hug and she smiled into his neck, squeezing tight. "You've been busy."

"Busting my ass," she agreed as they began walking to the elevators. They entered and the smile never left her face. "How's life here?"

"Eh. Whatever." Rolling her eyes playfully, she stepped onto the elevator with Alex and jabbed the button for the floor with the cafeteria. "Wanna catch lunch with Mer and Iz?"

"Yeah. Sure." The doors opened and she walked the path she'd walked a hundred times, spotting the long line and two blondes sitting at a table. With a skip in her step, she headed over and surprised them with hugs before sitting down. It was just like weeks ago when she was stealing fries from Meredith's plate or sharing a drink with Izzie. Except it was very different.

She could see it in their eyes. There was something different. There were secrets that they hid. And Emily wondered what they were, and why they needed to be hidden between family.

.

Mark approached Derek on the catwalk, scratching his head and pulling his ear. Emily always said that's what he did when he was nervous. Shoving his hands in his pockets, he took a deep breath and stood an appropriate distance away.

"I need your help. To plan something 'cause I want to find a way to propose. And I know it's only been a few months but I want to plan ahead because I know she's it and I want her, you know? She's the first person I look for in a room, which, to be honest, sounds disgusting and cliché." Derek was quiet for a moment, blue eyes a storm as they gazed over the hospital. Those words, Rob Harmon's words echoed in his head.

" _You killed her. You're a murderer. A murderer. Where's my wife? I want my wife. I want my wife…"_

"And the first thought every morning, before I even realize I'm awake, is ' _Where is she?'_ you know? You ever feel that with Meredith or is that just me being codependent?"

Derek's eyes closed. The volcano within him erupted and he pushed off the rail, staring at the surgeon before him. As the magma stuck to his insides, heat coiling in his gut, he reeled back a fist and swung. Mark cradled his cheek, turning at the force and walking back towards his friend.

"I didn't deserve that! What was that for?"

Derek answered with another punch.

.

Emily looked up when she heard the sound of grunting and fighting.

 _No. No way._

Other staff were looking up, curious and confused as she ran through the halls. Exclaiming 'excuse me's and 'pardon's she took the stairs two at a time and landed on the floor of the catwalk. Already, a crowd was forming and she clenched her jaw. She could hear the sounds of a struggle, the sound of fist meeting cheek and she tried to peer over the taller shoulders of staff.

Pushing through the crowd, she didn't bother with pleasantries as the scene was revealed before her. Mark beating the shit out of Derek as Hunt stormed up to him and began to pull her boyfriend off his best friend. Running forward, she ran to Hunt as he wrenched him away from Derek. Meredith ran past her, taking Derek and walking away as Mark collapsed to a knee.

"Hey, hey." Blood dripped from his split lip which he wiped away. Staring after Derek, she spotted Mark's shoe scattered carelessly across the tile of the catwalk. Alex kicked it towards her and she blinked gratefully to him as he went to go to Addison behind her. Mark sat down and she helped him put on his shoe. Groaning, he pushed himself up before checking his nose to see if it was bleeding. He sniffed painfully, face scrunching up.

He leaned against the rail and Hunt patted him on the back as she scanned his injuries. His hand looked battered. Nothing too serious, she hoped, regarding the hand. Mark Sloan wasn't Mark Sloan without surgery. A cut sliced near his eyebrow, bruises and cuts smattered across his face. One especially violently red colored his split lip.

She wrapped an arm around his abdomen, helping him limp away to an exam room. Callie spotted them and followed them, a flurry of questions pelting them as she opened the door and ordered him to sit down.

"What happened?" asked the ortho resident.

"He got into a fight."

"Why?"

Emily didn't have an answer for that. "What did you do?" she whispered instead as he sunk into his seat, groaning. She aided him in taking off his lab coat while Callie got an ice pack and bandages. "I wanted you to stay out of trouble." Emily went to a drawer and took out a brace, taking off the ice pack. "Thanks, Callie. We're good here."

"Sorry I couldn't keep him out of trouble." Emily shrugged half-heartedly.

"Next time." Callie smiled and left them alone as Emily ripped off the straps, sliding it onto his injured arm. His knuckles were already turning purplish, skin split.

"What did you do?" asked Emily again as she velcroed it tight. Quickly determining it as not broken but swollen and perhaps sprained, she knew he'd have to stay off for a few days. She placed the ice pack on his knuckles, taking his other hand and making sure he held it in place. He winced and she told him to stay still.

"I was talking about man stuff," he said and she narrowed his eyes. "He threw the first punch." Cleaning out the blood, she pecked his forehead when he winced every time she swabbed out blood. As she went for the butterfly strips, he pulled his head back. She rolled her eyes, glowering at him. "I can do it."

"No, you can't. Your hand is injured and I know how to make sure that you'll come out looking even better." He smirked but it disappeared when it pulled on his lip. Pulling his head towards her again, she taped his cuts shut before placing an extra patch over the three butterfly strips. The bruise on his cheek was blooming red and white and she sighed. "I love you."

"Good." She smiled wistfully, tilting his chin up and kissing the corner of his mouth. "Sorry."

"Don't apologize to me. Apologize to Derek."

"What? He threw the first punch!" She gave him a flat expression and he sighed. "I love you, too." She ran a hand through his hair and his blue eyes turned up to her as she stepped between his legs. His chin rested on her chest, eyes wide and round and she smiled helplessly. He was like a lost puppy and her heart was so full for him.

"I'm going to take you home, and you're going to rest that hand. If not for the fact that if you don't, it could cause permanent damage and potentially ruin your hand, then for me." He nodded, head stretching up and she ran her fingers down his face to his neck. "Promise?"

He kissed her slowly and her eyes closed as he whispered, "Promise."

.

Emily frowned dolefully as she hitched her duffel bag higher up on her shoulder. Three extra days she had stayed and now she had to go back if she wanted to catch up on her sim time. With her notes in hand, she tried to focus on the words before her to study for the surgery but she found it difficult when she was leaving home.

"Hey, jailbait."

Looking up, she reached out a hand and smiled immediately upon seeing her boyfriend. As soon as her fingers wrapped around his hand, he flinched away.

"Hand!" His leg even rose from the strength of his reaction and she laughed despite herself.

"Sorry!"

He blew air through his mouth, shaking out his hand gingerly and she placed a feather soft kiss on his tender knuckles, grasping his wrists firmly. Mark's soft eyes landed on hers and he sighed.

"You've got to go."

"I've got to go," she affirmed and he sighed heavily, head drooping. "Worst time, too. Derek's being filed a lawsuit and your hand…"

"And Callie and her lesbian problems which I now have to deal with _alone_ ," he added. She frowned half-heartedly at how he refused to deal with how his best friend was suffering. "It's okay. Everything will work out."

"Whatever you say." She adjusted her duffel bag and his eyes flickered down to where she fiddled with the string of the YSL coat. "I probably won't be able to get out for a while. You'll call me, right?"

"I will."

"Goodbye kiss?" she asked weakly and he nodded, pressing their foreheads together. Sharing one, two, four, six kisses, she pulled away and held his uninjured hand. "Talk to Callie. And Derek. Please talk to Derek."

He didn't answer.

"Mark, I'm asking for anything. A nod, a response. He is your best friend." When it was clear he wouldn't say anything, react _at all_ besides look at her, she gave up and sighed in defeat. Pulling her hand away, she began to turn away.

"Em, wait-"

"I'll call when I land."

.

"Em, hey,"

"Noah, what's up?" she asked with a tired smile. Ella waved at her excitedly from the entrance of the hospital. Emily sent her a smile that said 'wait' and turned to her brother.

"Em, we're going for drinks!" Davin exclaimed as he walked past with Matthew.

"I know, just wait!" she replied as Noah let out his own amused greetings. "What's up?"

"I was gonna ask you to babysit the boys." He said sheepishly and she rolled her eyes with a groan. "Seriously, I didn't expect you to have plans."

"Because I have no friends?" she asked sarcastically and he nodded. Pushing his shoulder playfully, the brunette acquiesced. "I'll be home by whatever. What time do you need me by?" He informed that it was by ten. "That's five hours away," she complained playfully.

"It's still enough time for dinner," he soothed, patting her head.

She pouted. "Where are you going anyway? You're going with Theresa right?"

He flushed, nudging her towards the entrance where all her friends were talking excitedly about their day. Getting the idea, she laughed and continued onward towards her friends. They greeted her as they walked towards the bar near the hospital. As they talked and laughed, she couldn't help but feel out of place because of what lingered in her mind. She counted how many missed calls from Mark dotted her phone history, not because she was ignoring him but because of what she was doing.

Tom frowned at her when she fell behind. The brunet asked silently with his eyes for her to explain.

"Stuff happened in Seattle," she said quietly and he wrapped her in a quick side hug.

"You and the mister doing okay?"

"Fine. It's not him." He nodded and his arm fell away. He tugged her ahead to catch up with their friends but she couldn't bring herself to smile.

.

" _Please, call Derek. He's outside, out in the wilderness and out in the cold. Just… call. Ask Noah too, if that'll help. We need him back in civilization. Thanks, Em. Really."_

Emily ended Meredith's voicemail, dialing a number she hadn't dialed in a long while.

"Derek, I get up in the morning and I worry. I wonder who's taking care of you in the woods. I know Jen died. I know you fought Mark to take out his anger and he didn't know. But you are supposed to be Derek Shepherd. And Derek Shepherd doesn't quit. So please, call Meredith. Or, call me back. I need to know you're okay. Bye."

 **A/N: Edited - October 13, 2018**

 **Next: There are things distance does to people.**


	33. Shadows

**A/N: Apologies if you find this in lower quality. I hate writing them not getting along.**

* * *

 _Every surgeon I know has a shadow. A dark cloud of fear and doubt that follows even the best of us into the OR. We pretend the shadow isn't there hoping that if we save more lives, master harder techniques, run faster and farther it will get tired and give up the chase but like they say... you can't outrun your shadow._

 _-Meredith Grey_

* * *

" _I forgive you. I forgive you for not calling Derek or asking about him."_ Emily's voicemail rang in his ear. " _I forgive you, because I love you. But you do not know the whole story and you should talk to him. I love you. I'll try to talk to you soon. Bye."_

.

" _I performed my face transplant today. You shoulda been there. And I didn't talk to Derek. I know Big Grey did. And I don't want to talk to him. I'm sorry."_

Emily responded simply, "You talk to him because he is your best friend. Also, it's petty and I will stay in Boston until you do." Hanging up, she sighed. Walking to the resident's lounge, she threw her phone into her cubby as she began to pack her bag to go home after a long surgery. As she shrugged on her cream-colored coat, her phone rang once more. Taking it, she frowned at the caller ID.

"Alex? What's up?"

" _Izzie has stage four metastatic melanoma that's spread to her brain and liver. Em, it's bad. It's so bad."_

Her world dropped beneath her feet.

.

It seemed as if life were moving too fast for her to comprehend. Izzie was getting cancer, Cristina was with Owen and then they broke up, and Derek was back at work, operated on Izzie and it was a success.

" _I'm engaged,_ " Meredith had informed in one of their phone calls.

Noah was teaching residents and interviewing prospective fellows, Taylor was finishing up his fellowship and Tom explained his intents to propose to Ella.

Something about her and Tom just clicked in the best way. So she had agreed to help him plan it.

"You should do something big, romantic. Ella's a romantic," she suggested and he agreed.

"Maybe singing a song? Guitar?" She hummed thoughtfully at that. "I know guitar."

"Could you teach me? I could be like your band while you sing," she joked and he laughed, bumping her with his elbow.

"Definitely. And you'll have to tell me some songs," he returned and she agreed as they brought their lunches to the table. "Band outside her window?"

"Nah. Too cheesy. She's not a _cheesy_ romantic. That means no big rose bundles and big proposal like a flash mob. Also, no chocolates." Tom nodded. The woman was lactose intolerant. "Maybe something along the water on sunset. Go to one of the beaches, scan out a spot."

"Yeah! That's a good idea." He scribbled it down on a notepad, adding to the long list of ideas they had. "What about-"

"Shush!" she whispered and he stuffed the notepad in his pocket, schooling his face into painfully casual as her phone rang. It was Izzie calling her and she answered as Ella approached them with her own tray of food. She looked mildly suspicious as Emily pressed the answer button.

" _Hey, Em!"_ the woman greeted cheerfully. The background was rumbling slightly and Emily tried to figure out where she was. " _I'm off to my first round of I.L.-2. Alex, say hi."_

" _Hi,"_ greeted the man shortly. " _Whatcha up to?"_

"Nothing much, waiting for the page for a donor heart," she replied with a smile. "How about you?"

" _Just doing some reading."_

"And, what're you reading, Iz?" she asked teasingly.

" _Seattle Metropolitan Bride & Groom_." Tom leaned to slurp near the speaker before taking her juicebox.

"Tom!" she scolded as Ella laughed, breaking her conversation with Matthew and Davin momentarily. The two men had joined them while she spoke to her Seattle friends.

" _Oh, what was that?"_ the blonde on the other side inquired, a tint of disgust in her tone, and Tom poked his head towards the speaker, nearly yelling in Emily's ear to make sure Izzie on the other end heard.

"Thomas Jones, also known as the pain in her ass," he joked, winking at Emily who narrowed her eyes at him.

"Stop taking my food!" she persisted and he groaned dramatically, popping the grape in his mouth. "Sorry, Iz. He tends to be a bit of a food kleptomaniac. Anyway, here are my Boston friends." She turned her phone so the speaker faced them. They all paused at her words. "Say hi to my Boston friends." They all chorused their greetings and she flipped around her phone again, pressing it to her ear. "Continue chattering, citizens,"

"Dictator," Davin retorted before returning to his conversation that now had turned into some kind of debate over sutures or staples. Emily sent him a playfully wicked glare and spilled some grapes into her mouth. Izzie managed to stifle her giggles as the brunette finally returned her focus to her friend.

"Why're you even looking at that magazine, Iz?"

" _Didn't you hear? Derek and Meredith got engaged. Damn, I thought Mer would tell you for sure."_

"I did. I just didn't know you were planning it. So, how are Derek and Mark? Are they talking yet?"

" _Yeah, no they aren't."_ The blonde seemed sad about that. " _It has been living_ hell _for some of the staff_. _"_ Emily groaned with a roll of her eyes. Tom once again stole another grape and she relinquished the plastic container in favor for her salad. " _Lexie's caught in the middle today and she's stress-eating and it's been terrible."_

"Should I call?"

" _Definitely. Sloan's been more of an ass than usual,"_ said Alex and she snorted.

"Well, that could be because I threatened not to come home if he didn't apologize. He's battling his pride," she informed quietly with a sigh. "And I haven't called him. Like, at all. And I've been so busy, I- I'll try today but I have to get a heart for one of my patients." She couldn't even remember the last time she spoke to Mark that wasn't in a voicemail.

" _Well, we're here,"_ Alex said. " _We've gotta go."_

" _Technically, we don't,"_ Izzie protested just as Emily's pager beeped. She had to catch that helicopter to harvest the heart. Clicking it to silence the beeping, she stood. Tom continued to steal bites of her salad.

"But, now I have to. Sorry, gotta get that heart." Emily pushed her tray towards Tom, relinquishing the meal. "I'll try to call soon. Lots of love." Taking her Mass Gen jacket and folding it over her arm, she left the cafeteria in haste. Her friends said their goodbyes as well, Tom pumping his fist victoriously and digging into her meal that she had given him.

" _Bye, Em!"_ The couple chorused and she hung up as she ran to the elevator, pocketing her phone and pulling on her thick jacket. The elevator zoomed up to the helipad as she fiddled with the hair ties on her wrist, trying to think of something to say to her boyfriend when she got the chance.

If she got the chance.

.

"How was surgery?"

"It was good. How 'bout yours?" she inquired back as Tom pulled off his scrub cap. Smoothing out his hair, he yawned. "Are you off tonight?"

"Yeah, you?" she said yes and he grinned. "Fantastic!" Sometimes he was such a kid. Rolling her eyes, she arrived at the nurse's station and opened her patient's chart. "So, we should get drinks because I need more ideas."

"Why can't we just go back to your place?"

"Because Ella'll be there, doofus!" he retorted and she groaned. "She wasn't on call today and she's been so grumpy lately."

"You know, I think you should just have sex with her," she told him frankly. "She's getting suspicious of you cheating on her. So please, get some game so we can plan more nefariously in peace."

.

After finally getting off shift, she got a call from George. " _Hello?"_

" _God, today was invigorating,"_ he said after a quick greeting. Then he went off, spewing about how his surgery on a suicidal patient was amazing, similar to how she gushed about Mass Gen. Giving him her time gladly, she sat down on a bench outside the hospital as he spoke about what Hunt said, saying how he's always ten steps ahead. How he was wired to do this. " _Trauma is my passion, Em, I think it is."_

"That's good, George," she said after he finished and she was sure he could hear her smile. "I'm really happy for you; I just wish I was there to see it."

" _You will be,"_ he said confidently, " _I know it. You know how? Because you're Emily and you'll be there."_

"I can't promise anything," she sighed, gazing at the Boston scenery. "I miss you a lot. I want to come home,"

" _I know,"_ he replied and they were quiet for a long time until George said something.

"What?"

" _Make sure you come to the wedding. You're gonna be a bridesmaid or something and then we'll party. To us."_

"To us," she echoed, kissing her phone so George could hear. "And how far we've come."

" _And how far we've come,_ " he agreed over the line. " _I've gotta go check on my patient. Bye."_ He was quiet for a moment and she whispered a soft goodbye. " _Bye, Em."_

"Goodbye."

.

Izzie emailed pictures of Meredith and Derek's wedding outfits. They looked so amazingly good-looking that Emily nearly had a heart attack. And in the Lord's name, Emily was head over heels in love with Meredith's dress.

"You should definitely wear something like this." She showed Tom the picture and he agreed. They were babysitting her nephews as he strummed the guitar. Setting down her laptop, she shuffled through the sheets of music he printed for her. Ollie ran by and she scooped him up, peppering his cheeks with kisses. "Hey, bugaboo."

He slapped her cheeks back with a giggle and she settled him in her lap, bouncing her leg up and down for his amusement before reading the notes Tom had taught her. It had been hard to keep the secret from Ella who had grown suspicious of their secret meetings but it was going to be worth it. "Will! Are you done eating?" he yelled over his shoulder as Will shouted back.

"Yes, Tommy!"

"Okay, okay. Ready for dessert?" He stood up, placing the guitar back on the couch and ruffling Ollie's hair as he passed. Emily grinned at how good he was with his mentor's kids, returning her attention to Ollie. He gazed at her with big green eyes, pleading for more attention.

"Hey, baby," she cooed, lifting him high in the air. He squealed in delight before she plunged him back in the safety of her arms, cuddling him close to her chest. He rested on her sternum, eyes closing from tiredness. Smiling fondly, she got up and placed the music sheets on the table. "Tom, I'm taking Ollie to his room. He's tuckered out."

"Sure. After I get Will to brush his teeth, I'll read him his story and then we're good to go for the rest of the night."

She agreed to the plan and they proceeded to tuck the two boys back into their beds, kissing them goodnight and making sure they were comfortable. When they returned to the living room, she sat on the loveseat while he sat on the couch. Picking up the guitar, he strummed softly while singing the first few lines of the song. She listened quietly, following along in the music sheets and when he stopped, she looked up. He offered her the guitar and she took it tentatively, feeling awkward.

"I don't know all of it."

"Then I'll help. Come on," he urged and she grinned, gliding her fingers across the strings as she nodded.

She sang and although she stumbled a few times, he helped her through it all and when they finished with the last chord, something pushed up her lungs, lifting her lips into a huge smile. Tom smiled proudly, ruffling her hair. She placed the guitar on the table and cracked her knuckles. Leaning against Tom, she closed her eyes just as her phone rang. Tom moved and she groaned, sinking deeper into the couch.

"Em, it's Mark." Her eyes opened. It was like a dark shadow looming over her as she was passed her phone. Tom, obviously sensing her change of mood, frowned and placed a hand on her knee. "Do you want me to stay?" he asked quietly and she nodded. Taking her hand, she answered.

"Hi, Mark," she whispered softly and her voice cracked, whether from exhaustion or from a different kind of tired, she didn't know.

" _Hey. I'm surprised I caught you,"_ he mumbled back, obviously exhausted but not wanting to give up on a chance to catch her. " _How're you?"_

"I'm good." Mark was quiet for a moment and Emily swallowed audibly. "I didn't mean it. Staying in Boston. I wouldn't break up with you over this."

" _I know."_

"And I'm sorry I haven't called," she said. "I've been busy."

" _I know._ _It's okay,_ " he lied and she knew it. It wasn't okay that they barely talked anymore. There was a silence with just their breaths into the microphone when he suddenly cut in. " _Em…"_

"I don't want us to live like this."

" _It's hard. But we can make it, you know? And I'm... I'm okay with Derek, again."_ She smiled slightly as he continued, " _I_ _'ve been on a few good surgeries. There was this girl that fell out of a tree and broke all her limbs."_

"Cool."

" _Are you okay?"_

"I miss you," she whispered. Tom gave her a stricken look and she shook her head. He squeezed her hand once more and stood, leaving to go tend to her nephews. "I miss you and I feel half-empty without you. Like, a part of me is gone without you."

 _"You know_ , _I_ _wish we were the type of people who weren't like this. I wish we were the type of people who didn't... who weren't-_ " He was having trouble. She got that, she knew what he meant. _"This is only temporary, though."_ When she didn't respond, he persisted, " _It is, right?"_

"Yeah. Yeah, I don't know if I'll ever get used to this long distance thing. And for what it's worth, I wish we weren't so fucked up too," she said because that's what he truly said. She could read his sentences, find their real meaning. He wished they weren't damaged, but then, would they have found each other as they have? "But remember? Fighting against the world?"

 _"Yeah, I_ _do_ ," he said and at last, she could hear some of the old Mark in his voice. Lighter, more energetic. _"We can make this work. It'll work."_ She smiled at his hopeful tone and found that her cheeks stretched in such a way that it felt like she hadn't smiled in days. " _Will you be off for the wedding? 'Cause then we can go together."_

"You know I'll do my best to try." She kissed the speaker and heard him sigh. "Goodnight, Mark." she whispered. "I adore you."

" _I adore you_ , _too."_ He hung up first and she turned the screen off of her phone, placing it on the table in front of her. Pinching the bridge of her nose, she tilted back and closed her eyes. There was the sound of footsteps and she opened her eyes to see Tom's face above her as he stood behind the couch.

"I'm going to make you some hot chocolate."

"Tom."

"Yeah?" He paused at the doorway, looking back.

"I don't think hot chocolate can fix this." He nodded, returning to his perch beside her on the couch. He offered a slight smile then picked up the guitar and extended it to her.

"Got to get it perfect for the wedding, right?" he asked and she nodded. "It'll work out. You two, it'll work. You just have to get used to it, you know?" She nodded once more. "Come on. From the top…"

Tom and Emily clicked. And although Mark got her kind of silence, Tom knew how to keep her out of it.

 **A/N: Edited October 13, 2018**

 **Next: The wedding.**


	34. The Perfect Day

_You never know the biggest day of your life is the biggest day. Not until it's happening. You don't recognize the biggest day of your life, not until you're right in the middle of it. The day you commit to something or someone. The day you get your heart broken. The day you meet your soulmate. The day you realize there's not enough time, because you wanna live forever. Those are the biggest days. The perfect days._

 _-Izzie Stevens_

* * *

She got out the gate with a sigh. Noah and Theresa stood beside her, smiling tiredly. "Come on, let's get to the Archfield, sweetheart," her brother told his wife and she agreed as they began to make their way to the conveyor belt where there luggage was being pushed out. "Emily, you're staying at Mark's right?"

"Yep. You guys have fun and have lots of sex. I'll see you at the wedding," she teased and they both flared a bright red as Theresa swatted at her sister-in-law. "What?"

"Like that's what you _aren't_ going to do? Good joke. Weddings, romance, equals-" Theresa's voice lowered so her brother wouldn't hear. He turned away anyway, making a face- "lots and lots of really good sex." Emily laughed as she spotted her bag and hauled it off.

Noah grimaced as he hauled Theresa and his luggage. "I'm just glad Tom is babysitting the kids with Taylor. They'll break them before we come back."

"That's probably true," Theresa agreed with a laugh just as Emily's phone rang. At the caller ID, the brunette rolled her eyes.

"Hey, Dr. Avery. Yes, I've landed safely, before you ask."

" _Good! Is Jackson there to pick you up?_ " She looked around as they continued wheeling their way through the airport. Noah and Theresa were up ahead, chatting and sharing occasional kisses when they finally got through the customs gate. " _He should be. I arranged specifically-"_

"Dr. Avery, I don't need you to do that!" She laughed when she finally spotted Jackson. "Found him, sir. I seriously hate you for that."

" _No, you don't. It's way cheaper,_ " Harper snorted and she stifled a chuckle as she bid farewell to her brother and sister-in-law. " _I presume I can hang up now. I have a liver transplant to get to._ " She grinned at the surgeon's faux-annoyed tone.

"Yes, Dr. Avery. Goodbye and good luck." He hung up as she strolled up to Jackson with a bright smile. The younger Avery hugged her.

"It's been a while."

"Yes, it has," she agreed and they walked to the car. "I'm not expected for another hours. Wanna catch a coffee?"

"Sure. I know a great place." It seemed she had found another friend in Jackson Avery, a person she had least expected to meet, and to know.

.

There was a massive crash.

That was the first thing she could comprehend. As she walked home, there was a huge crash. A car was crushed by a semi and immediately people screamed. Then, the car jackknifed across four lanes of traffic, ending with a slam into the coffee shop she and Jackson were just at. He had long since gone and for that she was grateful. She ordered the person behind her to call for an ambulance as she sprinted towards the scene. The SUV was smoking as she yanked the door open, climbing onboard. Counting eight young people, she heard the ambulances wailing in the background. Taking the pulse of the man in the driver's seat, she took his vitals by the watch on her wrist.

"I'm a doctor. I need you all to stay still or you might injure yourself. What's your name?" she directed this to the man in the driver's seat. Clicking the seat belt to release it, she palpated his abdomen. Feeling nothing hard, she inspected his chest and asked where it hurts.

"My chest," he moaned. Determining it as a chest contusion, she asked how old he was and his name. "David Simmons. We were suppose - suppose to graduate today. I'm twenty-two. Is Jordan all right?" he asked, stuttering.

"Jordan?"

"He sat beside me. Jordan?" Paramedics swarmed the area as she barked at one of them to hand her a c-collar. Wrapping it around his neck to stabilize him, she slid him onto the backboard. "He's got possible cardiac contusions but otherwise he seems stable," she reported before moving on to the shotgun spot. Paramedics checked the back, evacuating and evaluating the other students as she pressed her fingers to Jordan's neck and finding a pulse. The firemen busted open the door. "He's alive," she told the paramedics as she backed out. David was being wheeled into the ambulance and she hopped in after them, grabbing the doors. "Let's move!" Slamming the doors shut, she turned back to David who groaned in pain.

"Dana? Is she okay? And Becca. She's valedictorian for our class."

"We'll see when we get there," she soothed, "David, you are going to make it to grad."

"I'm the first one," he wheezed, "in my family to go to college. This is for them." Nodding, she prodded his chest as he began coding. "Move faster, people. He's coding!" Grabbing the paddles she had placed beside her, she charged them and, as the electricity whined between the paddles, pressed them to David's chest.

.

"David Simons, twenty-two. He was the driver," she announced, hopping off the rig as the paramedic helped her open the second door. "Sustained chest contusion, possible cardiac contusion, otherwise vital signs are stable. He coded once in the field. Shocked him once and was brought back. He has shortness of breath and his left lung sounds weaker than the right."

"How'd it happen?"

"The SUV jackknifed four lanes of traffic. There are seven more behind us." She explained breathlessly, handing the chart she had written hastily to Callie.

"Okay, take him to bay one until the trauma room is ready." She pointed and George nodded, helping the brunette push the stretcher to the bed where they lifted on her count. "One, two, three, lift."

She hastily tied her hair up into a ponytail. An intern handed her a trauma gown as more ambulances wheeled in. Throwing her duffel bag towards the intern, she snatched the billowing, yellow gown and tied it quickly around her waist. David was moved to trauma room three when George got him back from V-Tach while another blonde, she vaguely remembered as Becca, was moved to one. A dark haired man was being wheeled into trauma room two and she looked around. The influx seemed to have paused and she sighed. Maybe it'll give her time to grab a snack.

Heading for the vending machines near the elevator, she fished out a couple of coins to buy a granola bar. She glanced at Callie who was on the phone arguing when a new arrival came in through the doors. Stuffing her change back into her pocket, she grabbed a trauma gown and slapped on a pair of gloves.

"Pete Wellock, twenty-two, has a severe chest wound. Shortness of breath and he says his chest feels full." Grabbing the chart, she read it over as they wheeled him to bay four. "One, two, three, lift." George joined her with a crash cart as she listened for decreased breath sounds. The man on the bed moaned before promptly passing out. Hooking him up to heart monitors, she looked at the numbers. A bit too low for her liking.

"We need an x-ray." Turning around, she tried to find someone who could put him in line. "Grey!" Lexie perked up and she continued, "Check on x-ray and put me on the list." The intern nodded, rushing off to the nearest free phone.

"His stats are dropping."

George's words were punctured with blood that gushed out of Pete's chest wound. Vitals were plummeting as the monitors began beeping. Grabbing gauze, she pressed it against the wound as blood spilled near her shoes. George teared open new packages, handing more to her. The blood was staining through the dressing.

"Okay, x-ray's really backed up, but… hey. That - that's Pete." Emily's head snapped up at the new voice. Lexie was staring at the man's red shoes.

"What?" George asked as Emily pulled away for a split second so George could take her place.

"David's friend - Pete. The - the red sneakers."

"Could you get over here and help me?" George snapped as Lexie bumped into her. "Lexie, I need some more hands over here." Lexie froze for a split second, staring at Emily before turning around to help George. "He's bleeding through the dressing on the chest wound." Glancing at the monitors, Emily came to the other side of the bed. Taking the stethoscope from the E.R. nurse, she listened to his heart. Pericardial effusion. They needed a syringe.

"Pulse is two-twenty," Lexie reported as George looked at her.

"Pericardial effusion. We need a spinal needle and a syringe," George was passed the needle from the nurse as Emily lowered the bed. "Going in through the wound. Okay, I'm gonna need another syringe, now." Passing it to George, she kept her eyes on the monitors.

"There's too much blood."

"Okay, just keep the syringes coming." George detached the syringe and Emily placed a 60 cc this time in his extended hand just as the monitors flatlined.

"Asystole. We need a cardio board. Keep holding pressure, Grey," Emily ordered. "On my count, one, two, three." With that Pete was rolled onto his side and she slid the board underneath. George started compressions as Lexie asked for more gauze.

"George."

"I _am not_ losing another one," he snapped, continuing CPR. Emily clenched her jaw, taking a step back. Her sneakers were stained with blood and she wiggled her toes, shaking her head to the E.R. nurse. The woman wrote down in the chart as they waited.

"Dr. Grey," Emily murmured. Lexie looked up and the brunette shook her head once more. "Go. I'll take care of it."

Emily waited for a long time with occasional checks of her watch. "George, there are other patients who need us."

"Then, go. I am not losing him."

"George, you know he's gone." The brunet paused in his compressions and the monitor resumed flatline. Emily walked around, gently pulling him back. He shrugged her off, tearing off his gloves and heading for a trauma room as she checked her watch.

"Time of death: 10:13." Nodding, the E.R. nurse wrote that down as well as Emily tore off her gloves. She turned off the monitor, unhooking the leads and pulling the cardio board out from under him. "Let's clean this up, prep the bed in case more traumas come in. Then we can get him in a bag, get him to the morgue for his family." The nurse nodded once more, leaving to gather more staff to clean up the bay as Emily took a step back.

Her shoes squelched. Her sneakers, once a proud white, were now a splattered red and she could feel the thinness of its fabric. She'd have to toss these out the moment she had the chance to.

Tearing off her dirtied trauma gown, she grabbed a new one and tied it around her waist, heading for the nearest trauma room just as Mark passed her. Neither acknowledged the other, too intent on doing their jobs they were.

Her heart squeezed in her throat when she entered. On the bed was the waitress who had served her and Jackson in the coffee shop. She had flirted with Jackson, gave him her number.

Now she lay on the bed, still, with no pulse.

Hunt was beside the bed, checking his watch. "Time of death: 10:18." Emily's eyes squeezed shut for a moment before leaving. She'd rather help pack Pete for the morgue then to see more people from the coffee shop in here. People she had seen earlier in passing because she wanted to get a coffee and Jackson happened to choose that shop.

What a wedding day.

.

When the E.R.'s chaotic storm finally ended, she found herself with only an hour and a half left until the wedding. Going to the resident's room, she found that the intern had stuffed her bag in her old cubby. Slinging it onto her shoulder, she managed to push herself to the apartment where she used her set of keys to open the door.

"Hello?" she called hesitantly before realizing that it was all very pristine. Mark either was gone or he wasn't here yet. Taking advantage of that, she immediately shed her clothes and jumped into the shower. The hot water seemed to rejuvenate her and make her excited for the wedding. Getting out reluctantly, she opened the door with a towel wrapped under her armpits, wet hair stringy around her face when the door clicked open.

Only two choices. Either Callie or Mark. Both weren't strangers so she left the bathroom and across the bedroom to peek outside. Her boyfriend was standing in the middle of the room, looking around. Mischief on her mind, she let the towel pool around her ankles and opened the door with a slight creak. Mark whipped around and spotted her, stark naked with a sly smile.

"This is a nice surprise to come home to."

She bit her lip, sashaying over. Throwing his keys to the couch, he came closer until she leapt into his arms, kissing him hard against his lips. Her bare legs wrapped around his waist as he stumbled in the direction of their bedroom. "We," he breathed, pulling back for a second, "have to get to the wedding."

Making a frustrated sound, she held onto him as he laid her down on the bed. "Do we have to?" She tossed one arm around his neck as he kissed down her neck and across her collarbones. Her free hand pushed his jacket off his shoulders and he sobered up, returning to her face.

"Stevens is getting married, so yes." Perking up, she frowned thoughtfully and he clambered off of her. She sat up as he pulled off his shirt and pants to shower.

"Izzie? And _Alex?_ I thought it was Meredith and Derek's?"

"Nope. Stevens has another tumor so y'know, we've got to give them as much as we can to be happy."

"What? Where?"

"A small one in her other temporal lobe." She closed her eyes, lips pressing together. "I'm sorry. I know she's your friend." He leaned over to kiss her and she hugged his neck, burying her face into the crook.

"Come on." Scooping her up, he kissed her softly. "Let's cheer you up for the wedding. Weddings are happy times," he added and she sniffed. "Come on."

.

"Don't look."

"I'm not!" Mark yelled through the door as she inspected herself in the mirror for any imperfections. It was slightly wrinkled from hours folded up but still looked brilliant. It was a purple dress, the one Izzie had sent her along with the wedding invites. Emily couldn't believe she had managed a fitting during one of her quick visits but it somehow fitted her miraculously. Smoothing out the fabric, she let her hair flow down.

"Okay, I'm coming out now," she announced, opening the door. Mark was facing the other way near the kitchen countertop and she smiled, exiting the room. "You can look, now."

He turned around and she felt her own heart stop. In a grey suit and a dark blue to bring out his eyes, Emily knew she might have ascended to heaven.

Mark's eyes widened and she smiled despite herself. "You're an angel," he whispered and she chuckled. "I am not going to survive our wedding day."

"You'll have time to get used to me in dresses," she sighed, looping her arms around his neck. "I'll have fittings and all that and you'll see me in wedding dresses." He hummed, kissing her mouth before drawing away.

"I've got you something." Leading her to the couch, she spotted a dark velvet box hidden underneath the coffee table. Sitting down, Mark took it out.

"What's this?" she asked, hand on his shoulder. She watched as he opened the box. Inside laid a sterling silver necklace with two silver rings linked together. One of them was more feminine, with slender elegant grooves and shining with tiny jewels. The other was more masculine, with a broad band, polished look and lack of jewels that garnished the partner ring. Attached to the rings was a silver chain that made it into a necklace. Together, it formed an infinity symbol. "Mark?"

"I love you," he whispered, taking it out with a silent plea to stay. Turning to her, he searched her gaze with those blues that she loved. "We'll never have enough time and I need you to know that I love you. That I'll always love you." Pressing her forehead against his, she let her eyes slid close as he clasped the necklace around her neck.

"I love you, too." She felt his fingers on her jaw, tilting her head up and they sealed the promise with a kiss.

.

Since it would be terrible there to be one bridesmaid on one side and two on the other, and to save Izzie's sanity who was obsessed with the roles of each person, Emily was demoted to flower girl to save face. She didn't mind, if it was Izzie's wedding. But then Alex came, argued he wanted her on his side. Emily was completely, overtly flattered.

Throwing purple petals down onto the white carpet from a lovely woven, decorated basket, she smiled to the guests, breath stolen at how beautiful the church was decorated. The candles were warm, lighting up the church and all the flowers made her think she was in some sort of dream. This was something out of a dream.

As she reached the steps, she found the bouquet at the bottom of her basket. Her necklace gleaming off her sternum, she walked off to the side, setting down the basket and grabbing the bouquet as Meredith and Cristina made their way down the aisle. Standing on the lowest step, she smiled up at Alex who was red, nervous, excited.

Then she looked out to the crowd and saw Mark there. He gazed at her, defenseless and she beamed like the moon, hazel eyes softening.

The wedding was perfect. Emily could only hope that hers would be like that someday.

Hers with Mark.

The thought made her heart constrict and she touched the rings resting on her sternum, admiring their design. Mark was opening a bottle of wine as she waited on the bed, wearing nothing but a bathrobe but she refused to take off her necklace. The one Mark had given her as the symbol of their love. At the wedding, Emily couldn't help but feel jealous of Alex and Izzie momentarily, for their wedding, their union. But the feeling had faded when they had reached the reception and she could barely contain her joy as she watched the two of them whisper to each other, dance, eat together.

"Hey, you ready?" She looked up from her reverie, letting the rings fall against her skin. There he was, standing handsome and naked. A bottle of wine and two glasses hung from his hands and his smile was crooked as she shed herself from the fluffy garment. Unclasping the necklace reluctantly, and putting it on the bedside table, she spared it one last glance as the mattress dipped underneath her boyfriend's weight. He set the wine and glasses on the floor before crawling atop of her.

"Yeah," she murmured, leaning forward until their faces were millimetres apart. "I love you, y'know that?"

"'Course," he mumbled, kissing her softly on the mouth and stroking her cheek. "And I love you." A mischievous glint came to his eyes and she smiled against his mouth. Letting him pin her down, she kissing his cheek. "Let me show you." His voice rumbled deep in his chest and her legs bracketed his hips as they lost themselves in the sheets.

.

Safe to say, when she came to Seattle Grace the next day, her hips were still bruised and she was sure everyone was staring at her neck. "Hey, George!" she called out to the brunet who stopped. He smiled and welcomed her with a hug before continuing on their way. "What're you doing today?"

"I, uh, don't know actually. I'm not on trauma today for once," he informed, puzzled. They crossed the catwalk when George spotted the silver necklace around her neck. "Hey, what's that? Never seen it before."

"I just got it yesterday."

"For the wedding?"

"From Mark." There was a silence and she filled the void with an explanation. "A 'you know I love you and you love me' kind of thing."

"Ah." Then they finally crossed the bridge and spotted the head of trauma speaking to Cristina. "Why're you here anyway?" She wiggled her eyebrows comically and he covered his eyes with a groan. "Disgusting!"

"And surgery. We can't have it _all day_ if you know what-"

"Just shut up now. Go find Izzie or something but please," he begged and she giggled, "spare my ears." Squeezing his arm fondly, she sent him a smile.

"It's good to see you too, George."

.

"Did you know Bailey's applied for a peds fellowship?" Lexie told her as Emily watched her do her charts. They stood at the nurse's station where the intern was finishing up a post-op chart. "Now, the Chief and Robbins are battling it out."

"And where'd you hear this?" the older asked, amused. She was waiting to see Derek so she could go up to see Izzie. "Were you snooping?"

"No. They're just very public." The younger Grey smiled brilliantly and she rolled her eyes. "Anyway, how's Boston?"

"It's alright. Like I always say." This time, Emily smiled back and she leafed through a finished chart lazily. "Ooh, a palatoplasty. Mark, obviously." She read it, taking in his handwriting and signature at the bottom. Running a hand over the smooth surface, she sighed. Then, she felt a gaze burning into her skull. Looking up, she caught Lexie. "What?"

Her face was bright red when she replied, "Nothing."

"Lexie."

"I'm serious."

"Alexandra Caroline Gr-" Her mouth was covered by a rough hand before she could finish and her hands automatically wrapped around the arm that confined her. Whipping around, she pushed Mark against his shoulder. "Hey!"

"Hey," he greeted easily, kissing her forehead. Seeing the silver necklace, he smiled even wider. "I never see you in these."

"Got them in Boston," she spun around, showing off her maroon jacket and jeans. The white tassels flew in her face as she did so. "Like it?" Lexie excused herself quietly, going over to where a certain neurosurgeon stood, watching them with piqued interest.

"Love it," he assured. "Listen. With Meredith and Derek hooking up, Stevens and Karev, I was thinking-" A confused notion flickered through her mind but she batted it away. Was he going to low-key propose? "-maybe you'd want to take a vacation too?" Disappointed, she probably had let it show on her face because he was quick to amend it. "Not like a honeymoon. Kind of, but just a you-and-me kind of thing. We haven't had time off together. So…" he trailed off when she didn't say anything. Cupping her jaw, he smiled. "Just think about it. We need to take some time off, really."

Walking away, he disappeared from sight. When she was sure he was gone, she bent her knees, curling into a small ball. Her heels rose as she grasped on the nurse's station and nearly screamed. Instead, she let out a low, frustrated groan. Derek cleared his throat and she straightened up, flushing. Turning around, she narrowed her eyes.

"How much did you hear?"

"You mean the part where it sounded like he was going to propose or the part where he wanted to go on a vacation instead?" he offered and Lexie offered a sympathetic smile with trying to hide her laugh. "Unfortunately both."

"Stupid, asinine, idiotic, son of a-"

"Those are all synonyms," Lexie corrected and Emily shot her a look, hand raising to touch the two rings resting on her sternum. "He gave you _that_ and he didn't propose? He is stupid." Derek made a humming sound, closing the chart that Lexie gave him and sighed.

"I'll try to knock some sense into him. But I'll try to be extremely subtle."

"But Mark's dense," Lexie opined, causing them all to laugh as Derek left after his best friend. "Like-" She rapped her knuckles against the hard counter- " _dense._ "

"You know, I even said if he proposed, I'd say yes," growled Emily, still smarting from the disappointment. "You'd think he'd _propose!_ " the brunette yelled after the neurosurgeon who turned around with a smirk. "Come on, Lex. Let's go find something to do so I don't have to think about what just happened _ever_ again."

.

Knocking on the door, she opened it hesitantly. On the bed, was a blonde - or what used to be a blonde. Her head was bald but her eyes were still bright and lively, even if a bit tired. "Well, if it isn't Izzie Karev," she greeted, walking in slowly. Then, more serious: "How are you, Iz?"

"Tired. I just had a round of I.L.-2," the woman said. The healthier surgeon sat on the edge of the bed, taking Izzie's hand in hers. She smiled, chuckling slightly. "Isobel Karev. I don't think anyone's called me that yet."

"I'm unique." They shared another small laugh before lapsing into a somber silence. "Iz… how bad is it?"

"I have a tumor. Small one, causing hallucinations."

"I know."

Her brown eyes drifted away from Emily's hazel ones and she frowned. "I can talk to dead people and right now - right now I am seeing golden bells and white flowers circling your head. Where your eyes are, I see purple flowers. Hi, Denny." Even though she knew she wouldn't see him, Emily turned around and looked over her shoulder. Nothing was there.

"Denny, leave Iz alone."

"He says hi."

"And I say go away," she repeated firmly, facing her sick friend again. "Is there a treatment plan?"

"Yeah. Derek wants to remove my hippocampus and I don't know. There's a chance I won't be able to remember who I am but on the other hand…"

"It'll kill you." Izzie nodded. "Can you shrink it with I.L.-2?" There was a slight pause where Emily held her breath.

"Yeah, but this could burst in a minute-" She pointed at her head- "or a second. What do you think I should do?" asked Izzie and Emily felt cornered. They both were risky. Either wait for the I.L.-2 to shrink the tumor or remove it now. Both ended in possible death. "What if it were Mark?" she rephrased and then did Emily feel her back was flat against the wall, a sword against her chest. Thinking for a few moments, she let out a breath she didn't know she was holding.

"Derek is a talented surgeon who has done this so many times. I trust him with Mark so I'd ask him to have the surgery. Think about it this way: do you want to live for a few more days or months if you're lucky, knowing you could die any minute? Or, do you want to take the risk of surgery and be cured forever?" Izzie pressed against the pillows, drawing her hand away from Emily's and she felt her stomach flip uncomfortably as the blonde's eyes closed. "You know the answer. You just have to have the courage to say it."

.

Leaving the on-call room five minutes after Mark had, she made her way to the resident's lounge. It was around four-thirty, and Noah and Theresa were still at the Space Needle having some romantic lunch while she was here. "George?" The brunet turned around, his thoughtful expression morphing into one of friendliness. "What're you doing?"

"I was just about to, uh, go to the U.S Army Recruit Centre. But, I need to know if this is the right thing." he admitted and, shocked, she sat down beside him. An arm rubbed up and down his back as he looked at the pamphlet he must have gotten from someone. Somewhere…

"You know what's the right thing," she found herself saying. "As a trauma surgeon in the field. Look how far you've come, Georgie," she said, fighting a large smile as he chuckled. Then, the smile faded. "You're leaving Seattle," the brunette realized.

"Yeah." Nodding, she entwined his fingers with hers in silence. "Do you think I can do it?"

The answer was immediate: "Of course." She thought of her next words for a moment. "I've seen you and _I know_ you'll be brilliant." Her voice faded at the end of her sentence and a few stray tears leaked from her eyes. Twisting around, she hugged him tightly and laughed shakily. "I'm _really proud,_ George."

"I know."

"Can I come?" she asked quietly, not pulling away as he nodded against her shoulder. "Thank you. Thank you, my God. I'm so proud." Finally backing out, she wiped at her eyes. "Sorry."

"I'm not even gone yet," he teased, helping her out and tending to her red eyes with cold fingers. Pushing himself up, he offered a hand which she took. "Come on, before you start crying again." Tugging her along to where her bag was, he pulled it out and passed it to her before leading her through the hospital and towards the parking lot. "Then, we have to meet Izzie post-op. So let's go!"

"Okay, okay! I'm coming!"

 **A/N: Edited - October 14, 2018**

 **Next: Surprises in the most unexpected of times.**


	35. A Light in the Dark

_According to Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, when we're dying or have suffered a catastrophic loss, we all move through five distinct stages of grief. We go into denial because the loss is so unthinkable we can't imagine it's true. We become angry with everyone, angry with survivors, angry with ourselves. Then we bargain. We beg. We plead. We offer everything we have, we offer our souls in exchange for just one more day. When the bargaining has failed and the anger is too hard to maintain, we fall into depression, despair, until finally we have to accept that we've done everything we can. We let go. We let go and move into acceptance._

 _-Meredith Grey_

* * *

 **Day One**

Something wilted in her when Alex called her just a day after she left Seattle. She was just lounging on the couch with her nephews, the picture of a perfect aunt. Tom was making them a snack as they planned out the next few days. They'd scout the beach, build up their strength to haul all the equipment they needed for the proposal. They had a basic plan, one that screeched to a halt when she heard the three words she never thought she'd hear so soon.

" _Em, O'Malley died."_

Her heart stopped for a split second as Ollie squirmed in her arms, begging for attention that wasn't there. Her throat tightened and her vocals failed her as she felt numb. Everything around her, the bright colors, the atmosphere, became muted and grey.

Ollie didn't know better. He frowned at his aunt's expression, tugging uselessly at her top to no avail. She ignored him blankly as there was a silence on the other end.

"Hey, monsters," Tom greeted but it was muffled as Emily's grip on her phone loosened. Ollie scrambled off his aunt and joined his brother as they crowded around the freshly sliced fruits.

"What?" she whispered hoarsely and Alex sounded just as broken as her but for a completely different reason. One she didn't want to find out about because it was surely about Izzie. "What the hell did you just say?" By now, Tom looked at her in concern and sat beside her, rubbing her arm. Tears beaded in her eyes and she took a shaky breath.

" _George is dead. Em, I'm sorry._ " She felt her lip tremble and she looked heavenward at the ceiling, wondering how it happened. Closing her eyes and tilting her head down so the kids wouldn't see her face, she turned slightly to Tom.

"I'm going to my room," she whispered, standing up and wiping at her eyes. Jabbing a thumb behind her towards the hallway, she didn't hear his response. Entering her room, she slammed it with a close and flopped on the bed. "Alex?" He made a sound, a hoarse, throaty one that sounded like he had been crying too.

" _Mer's going to update - I don't even-"_ He cut himself off as there was a loud smack on the microphone and Mer's higher voice came to her ears.

" _He pushed a girl out of the way. She didn't see it coming,"_ Meredith explained softly, and Emily hugged her pillow. " _We're performing the transplant now."_

"And he's dead," she whispered flatly. Tendrils of rage wrapped around her throat, causing her voice to falter. She wanted to scream, to rip the bedposts, to feel the pain that would stem from her knuckles if she just punched the wall now but she refrained because it would surely scare her brother's kids.

" _He's dead,"_ Meredith affirmed and Emily hung up, letting her arm fall limp against the bed. After a while, Tom came in, the light streaming into her dark bedroom. He didn't say anything, only hugged her close as she leaned into his warmth. There were no tears, just him rubbing her back as she clutched onto his shirt.

"It'll be okay," he murmured but somehow she didn't believe that. Detaching herself from him, she picked up her phone again. Scrolling through her contacts, she found George's contact. The picture was of him and her after the wedding. They had been sitting next to each other at the reception when a photographer came up to them and just took a shot. They were turned towards each other, mouths open in a frozen laugh. His hand rested on her arm that was leaning against the back of the chair he sat on. She remembered vaguely what they were talking about. Something about how she would ask her brother to refer him for Mass Gen, and he thanked her before breaking out into laughs. Calling his cell, it went straight to voicemail after two rings.

" _Hey, this is Dr. George O'Malley. If you're a patient, I'll get back to you as soon as possible. Just leave a message, thanks."_ His voice was so cheerful, _young,_ nothing like what he probably would've experienced when a bus ran him over. When a bus killed him. When he _died._

Tom kissed her hair, pressing closer as Emily turned to bury her face in his shoulder. Tears stung her eyes and she grabbed for something desperately, holding on for dear life because George couldn't be dead. He couldn't be dead. "What happened?" Tom whispered faintly and she sighed.

Her breath hitched. Raising her head, she looked directly into Tom's eyes. "George died." He didn't question who or how. The brunet simply held his best friend closer as Emily felt her heart shatter into pieces.

.

"Tell me what happened," Emily whispered, dark into the night. Mark was quiet, unwilling to cause her pain. " _Tell me_ what _happened._ "

" _Em…"_

"Mark. If you love me, you'll tell me," she gritted through her teeth and Mark sighed. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I just need to know. I need to know because he was my _best_ friend. He was my friend, before you. And I know he always had Izzie, but I knew him. And he had me. I just need to know what killed my friend."

" _He came into the E.R, with massive facial burns and scarring, and I was charged with saving the left forearm, damaged by avulsion, and as long as he didn't get acidotic or hypothermic, I thought I had a good chance. The nerves weren't severed, I just had to reconnect the vessels. He had a skull fracture, an open-book pelvic fracture, and an epidural bleed amongst his crush injuries."_

"Okay, and then what?"

" _Shepherd fixed the epidural bleed, Torres placed an internal fixator, Big Grey and Hunt worked on the internal injuries. He was taken to the I.C.U."_ He sighed over the line and she placed her knuckles in her mouth, biting down and trying to stop the tears that escaped her eyes and left to flood her pillow. She lay on the edge of the bed, the blankets near her legs as she stayed on the phone, trying to sleep but knowing she couldn't.

" _His post-op CT showed a rebleed. He was taken back to the O.R. His brain was swelling, he bled into his brain stem. He coded, he couldn't be brought back. Derek did everything he could but his I.C.P rose too high, he was brain dead. He donated his organs. Em, I-_ "

"Goodnight, Mark." She ended the call, acid crawling up her mouth as she began to sob into her pillow. She screamed, a banshee-like wail tearing its way through her mouth and her door opened. Noah didn't ask, merely slipped onto her bed and held her. She fought against him. Everything felt hot and stuffy and she couldn't _breathe._

She needed to breathe and she didn't know how to in a world without George O'Malley.

 **Day Three**

Tom pulled her aside the track. Emily, out of breath and sweaty, ripped her arm from his grip.

"I can't, Tom, okay?" she snapped and was about to run another few laps but he held on harder. "What?"

"Our shift starts in an hour, Em," he told her softly and her scowl lessened. He was only looking out for her. "I just thought you should know."

"Yeah," she murmured, "Thanks." He kissed her sweaty brow before pulling back. "Just, go ahead. I'll catch up." With a reluctant squeeze on her shoulder, he went back inside the gym to get his stuff. Bringing out her phone, she saw the missed calls from everyone in Seattle, numerous texts she didn't have the heart to open. The only email she had forced herself to click was the one that was titled _George's Funeral_ , a personal one written by Meredith. For a few moments before, she had just contemplated whether she should open it or not before deciding that she should. It wouldn't do justice for George, nothing ever would, but at least she would have a chance to just say goodbye.

 _Goodbye._

The last moments they had together was about the army. She should've told him no, he shouldn't join, but how could she deny his dreams? His last words: _See you around._ Those were the last words she'd ever hear from him. Her last words: _Save lives out there._ She wished he didn't take her words so literally. She wished she had more time. She wished…

He wasn't dead. Until she saw his body, he wasn't dead. He was still alive, and smiling, and happy, because he was George and George didn't die. George couldn't die.

She finally began to walk back towards the gym, throat burning and muscles aching. If only their last few moments weren't promises of seeing eachother again. Then, maybe it wouldn't feel like the world was raining down on her.

 **Day Seven**

She was wearing the black pants and jacket. After so much pushing, Theresa persuaded her to wear the her clothes. In the end, Emily was thankful. She had nothing else to wear. Emily arrived with Mark, arm looped in his. He complimented her on her choice of clothes and how the necklace he gave her stood out. She thanked him. The conversation died after that.

He went to stand near the Chief, she stood near the back with Meredith. There were interns there too, all red-eyed. _Former interns,_ she corrected in her head as a redhead woman kept trying to stifle her sobs. Glaring at her, she leaned in beside Meredith. The blonde looked at her and half-smiled but it fitted terribly on her face. "That's the girl George saved."

In an instant, Emily hated her. "She needs to shut up."

The priest continued on, spouting things she didn't really care for nor try to understand. Izzie broke away from their chain and without a moment of hesitation, the rest followed after her. There they found her, sitting on some old man's grave, laughing.

"You're laughing?"

"She's laughing."

"George - George is dead. He's dead. They're about to put him in the ground and the priest is doing classic rock lyrics and that girl, that redhead is crying harder than his mother, and she never even met him. It's just…"

"You are far more twisted than I realized."

"And you got married on a post-it!" Izzie exclaimed, pointing to Meredith who broke out into a laugh. Alex followed suit and Emily snorted, trying to contain her smile.

"I got married on a post-it. I did."

"You guys got married for real." Emily snickered at that, feeling annoyingly light. Something about this felt so _liberating_ and _wrong_ but she couldn't help herself.

"And I got cancer! What?"

"And you moved to Boston!" Cristina announced to Emily causing them to laugh even harder.

"Dude, O'Malley got hit by a bus!" Her insides ached from laughing so hard as she held onto Meredith for support. But then, realization hit them as they realized what Alex said. Their laughs faded as the redhead walked past, causing another short-lived burst of laughter but it faded even quicker and Emily held Meredith's hand, squeezing it. The two women looked at each other, hazel meeting blue.

"We're twisted," Izzie sighed after a long round of silence. "We're so messed up."

Emily couldn't help but agree.

.

Her eyes were bloodshot but at least she was done crying. She was done being sad and crying all the time. She just felt tired.

Heading inside the resident's room, she paused at the doorway when she saw Meredith sit beside Lexie. The brunette was crying, sobbing into her sister's shoulder and Meredith wrapped her in a hug. Emily looked to her shoes before turning around. Heading to the lobby, she held her purse in her hand as she walked in a daze.

"Hey, hey, hey." Someone took her by the arms and she looked up, blinking. "How are you feeling? Wanna go home?"

"No." She tried to pull away but he was insistent. "Mark."

"Have you eaten?"

"No."

"Can you eat?" Her hazel eyes met his, murky against clear. He nearly started at how dull she appeared. "Do you want to eat?" Her face crumpled and though she didn't cry, he brought her into his arms. Every part of her cracked and it was like he was the glue holding her together as his hands rubbed down her arms and onto her back. She squeezed his waist tightly and he frowned. "Have you been working out?"

"Mark-"

"No, seriously. You feel harder," he murmured and she pulled her face away, looking vaguely insulted before breaking out into a shaky laugh. Smiling, he brought her towards him again, hugging her until she felt like she could stay in one piece on her own.

 **Day Ten**

"I heard that you lost someone recently," Harper commented as he removed the liver lobe. Emily sighed, suctioning the blood before beginning to stitch it closed. "Is there anything I can do-"

"No, not really." She gave him a look that silenced all conversation. "I don't need anything right now."

"Dr. Moore,"

"Dr. Avery," Emily returned, voice flat. "I am fine. You don't need to worry, I am still able to work." She sighed. Harper Avery gave her a doubtful glance, placing the liver in ice and letting the nurse cover it with a towel and transferring it to the next O.R. "I just need to work. It's how I cope."

"Dr. Moore, you may close before joining me in O.R. two," the general surgeon announced and she nodded, extending her hand for the suture.

"Thank you, Dr. Avery. 5-0 vicryl, please."

 **Day Fifteen**

Although Emily was a doctor, she wasn't all too familiar with the tiles of a bathroom. As a kid, she never really got sick and the worst, if she ever did, was just a cold. Noah knew that. So when he woke up to the sound of loud retching and the bathroom light on, the natural instinct was to get up and investigate. Theresa made a groaning sound when he moved too sharply but otherwise stayed asleep. He tiptoed past the room his sons were sleeping in and reached Emily's room. As expected, the door was open with only a lamp on. There was also a pair of men's pants and he raised an eyebrow. Opening the bathroom door, he blinked at the bright lights.

"God fucking dammit," his sister groaned, head resting against the cold wall. Once his eyes adjusted, he found Tom sitting next to her, holding her hair back. He looked up at the attending sheepishly as Emily wiped her mouth with a towel. He was wearing boxers and a white tee.

"What the fuck?" Noah asked bluntly. Emily lunged forward again, hands clutching onto the rim of the toilet as she threw up again. "You guys just went to the gym, right?" he added warily as Tom nodded, stroking his sister's back. Noah nearly smiled at the gesture.

"Yeah, I think she just pushed herself too far," the brunet assured and Emily collapsed against him, thoroughly exhausted. The passed-out brunette was light as Tom wiped her mouth before using a different towel to wipe away the sweat. Picking her up, he stopped beside Noah. "I think George's death is hitting her harder than she let on." Noah bit his lip. He liked George. It was two years ago, Thanksgiving, when he spotted the dorky brunet. It was such a waste for him to be gone.

"Go. If you don't go to work tomorrow, I'll excuse it."

"Thank you, sir."

"It's Noah, now."

"Sorry," the brunet apologized before making his way across the hall. Noah sighed, picking up the dirty towels and flushing the toilet. If his sister was going to work herself to death, then he'd be there to pick up the mess.

 **Day Twenty**

"Em, you should really go home. You look…" Matthew urged as Emily rubbed the dark circles around her eyes. Letting the bathroom door close behind her, she began walking down the hallway. Her friend kept pace with her as she sighed. She just had a forty-eight hour shift plus a surprise trauma to add another eight hours. Her throat burned from the taste of acid that she forced herself to swallow.

"I'm fine," she mumbled. "I'll just crash in an on-call room."

"Go home."

"Matthew-"

"Em, go," he said firmly, "For your sake. You look sick to your stomach."

"I feel sick to my stomach. It's been going on for a few days," she muttered as he helped her walk to the resident's lounge. Her arm wrapped around his shoulders, she managed to get there before sliding onto the bench with an exhausted sigh.

"Do you want me to call anyone? Dr. Moore? Tom?" She yawned, checking the time. It was almost tomorrow. Tom was probably in the N.I.C.U for her brother who was sleeping after a whole day of surgery.

"If you can get Tom," the brunette mumbled, hand to her temple as she wracked her brain to find out why she was so nauseous. Matthew nodded, green eyes kind as he took out his phone to text Tom.

"Come on," he whispered and he sat beside his brunette friend, looking at her pallor. "Is it just nausea?"

"No." She closed her eyes and rested her head on his shoulder. Her chest felt hot and stuffy and everything she use to love to eat felt gross in her mouth. She told him so and he managed to stifle a chuckle. "What?" she complained as he used his foot to nudge a receptacle closer to her feet just in case. Good timing too because she swung down and barfed into it.

"You just might be sick."

"I don't get sick," she snorted as his pager blared. It caused her head to pulse painfully and he quickly silenced it.

"You are. Now, stay here until Tom gets here."

"No need to wait. What's wrong, Em?" Matthew stood, only to be replaced by Tom's slightly smaller form. "Oh, more vomit."

"Probably because I swallowed it all during surgery," she growled and he chuckled. "Goddamn, I've never felt worse in my whole life. Except for that ambulance crash, that was awful."

"Ambulance… crash?"

"Another time. Ugh." She buried the heels of her hands into her eyes, hair a mess around her.

"Maybe you should relax on the running," he tried to suggest softly and she groaned, "'cause it's taking its toll."

"I know. Anyway-" She tried to smile but her mouth was numb and he snorted at her attempt- "I needa drive home."

"Can do. I'll be right back and you'd better be changed by then." Nodding numbly, she reached forward for her shirt.

 **Day Twenty Two**

"Have a nice day, okay? Don't strain yourself," Theresa warned as she gathered her things. "Will, get your shoes on."

"Okay." The four-year old pouted and grabbed his Velcro shoes and plopped down. Ollie was still at the kitchen finishing up his breakfast. They were off to preschool and daycare. "Soup's in the fridge, you just have to heat it up."

"Thanks, Theresa," she mumbled and wrapped the hot pack closer to her chest. It was her second day staying home and her stomach hadn't settled for a single moment. Now, her chest ached and although she ached to do _something, anything,_ she knew she couldn't. All she could do was watch TV, surf the internet and die internally. Everyone else was on shift and her sister-in-law was now going to work. Her phone beside her, she just watched the characters on the TV dully.

"There's a pregnancy test in the bathroom." Emily looked up sharply, glaring at the older woman. "Don't give me that face. I've been through it twice and I know the signs. And Em," she sighed, "just try."

"There are false negatives _and_ positives. There's no way."

"Your boobs are sore, you're basically a walking sauna and you can't keep anything down." The green-eyed woman moved to crouch in front of her. "I know you think this is grief, or you overworking yourself, but I don't. It's just a suggestion, okay? Get well soon." Leaning forward, the older kissed the younger on the forehead before standing up.

"Thanks,"

"Anytime." The brunette disappeared into the kitchen and reappeared with her son as she fumbled with her keys. "I'll call you at lunch, alright?"

"Yeah, okay."

 **Day Twenty Three**

She never got around using it until now. Yesterday, she basically camped on the couch and managed to only haul herself out of her cocoon for the bathroom and to eat. Now that she was feeling better, she managed to walk between her bedroom and the kitchen. She even managed a few stretches before her body screamed for her to stop. Deciding to tend to her bladder, she got to the bathroom, pulled down her garments and boom. There it was, staring right back at her.

At first, she didn't believe it. Then she remembered the date. It was supposed to be _today._ God, Theresa was right. The spotting in her pants just confirmed it. So she yanked open the cabinet door, grabbed the stupid little plastic stick and peed on it. Wrapping it in toilet paper, she dried off any excess… _liquid_ and washed her hands.

Going to her room, she fetched her phone and then came back to the bathroom, pulling down the toilet cover to sit on it. Calling Theresa, she waited until her sister picked up.

" _This is Dr. Theresa Moore's Office. How many I help you?"_ a young voice asked and Emily frowned.

"Can you forward me to Dr. Moore? Tell her it's Emily."

" _Of course. She's with a patient right now but if it's emergent I could-"_

"No, no. Just tell her to call me back. Thanks." Hanging up, she looked at the clock. One more minute to go. What would she do first? Completely believe that it was real? Maybe she'd take a blood test. Then what? Would she tell anyone? Meredith… or Tom… or George. Yes, she'd definitely tell George. Opening her phone, she opened her contacts and scrolled down before her thumb paused over his name.

Right.

He was dead. _Dead._ God fucking damn it, how could she forget?

Pressing her forehead into the heel of her hand, she sighed softly and cursed the tears stinging her eyes. Letting a few tears slip past her cheeks, she wiped them away with a sigh and a groan.

Taking a deep breath, she looked down at the time. A minute had passed. Reaching forward towards the countertop connected to the sink, she gingerly took the white test. Looking at the little screen, she let her arm fall limp beside her.

When Theresa came home that night, the first thing Emily did was engulf her in a hug and ask for a blood test to confirm a pregnancy.

 **Day Twenty Four**

Emily walked up to Tom, a slight smile on her face. He was talking to Ella but the blonde looked at her over her boyfriend's shoulder. Pressing her index finger to her lips, she continued sneaking up to her best friend. Grinning, Ella hid a smile behind her fist as she jumped on Tom.

"Ah!" he screamed and his hands wrapped around her thighs that clutched his waist tightly in an attempt to force him to carry her. "Who are you?"

"Guess," she whispered in his ear as Ella nearly collapsed in laughter. She wrapped her arms around his neck as he dropped her to the ground. Landing soundly, she burst into laughter. This was the lightest she's felt in weeks. "Hey,"

"Not funny," he panted and she sighed. Fun's over. "What's up?"

"I want to talk to you about…" Her voice lowered. "Operation Beach." Ella quirked an eyebrow at them and scrunched up her nose at their whispers.

"I'm still here-"

"We know, darling." Tom pecked her on the mouth to satisfy the blonde. "But we have secret drug dealings to work out so I seriously need you to leave if you don't want to be considered an accomplice." Ella gave an exaggerated sigh and glanced at them skeptically.

"Fine. I have a cookie craniotomy to get to anyway." She huffed and kissed him one more time before leaving. Tugging him towards the on-call room, Emily shoved him in first before entering and locking the door. Pacing back and forth, she tried to gather her thoughts before looking up.

"What is it?" He turned back to her again and for a moment, her heart seemed to miss a beat. With his messy hair, it reminded her of George and the friendly light in his brown eyes was too similar. Her breath caught in her throat and tears sprung into her eyes. Breathening shortening until she was borderline hyperventilating. "Hey, you okay? Hey, hey, hey," he murmured and engulfed her in a hug.

"George died." Her breath hitched and she buried her face in his shoulder. "I found out I was pregnant yesterday and the first thing I wanted to do was tell George. I wanted to tell George that I was having a baby but instead I remembered he was dead." He kissed her hair, stroking her back as they sat on a bed. Hugging her tightly, he just kissed her cheek and didn't say anything. Her shoulders shook as he pulled back. Wiping the tears from her cheeks, he managed a smile.

"Wait a minute, you're pregnant?"

 **Day Thirty**

"You shouldn't be doing this much exercise, Em," Tom said as he placed the weight back in its place. "You know that right?" The gym was empty except for them as she got off the bench press.

"But I want your proposal to be perfect," she complained.

"Shut up and help me write my speech," he snorted, sitting on the bench and taking a swig of water. His shirt was drenched in sweat as he took out a notepad from her bag and a pen. Brushing the paper with his left hand, he readjusted his grip. He sighed as he began to write. Pen smudged on the knuckle of his pinkie and she chuckled. Sitting beside him, she peered at the crossed out words and jagged letters.

"You'll be fine," she soothed and he groaned.

"I just want it to be almost perfect. Not perfect. But close to that. Just close enough. Just enough to show her that I love her more than anything," he murmured, crossing out another start and flipping to a new page. Emily sighed, "Help me!"

"Okay, okay." She laughed and sat cross-legged as he thought out loud. "Ella… Ella Morgan, you are…"

"Everything. Tell her she's everything," Emily said as she fished her phone out of her bag. Ringing up Mark, she lay down on the bench as he continued scribbling. When it went to her boyfriend's voicemail, she sighed and let her hands drop.

 **Day Thirty Four**

"Hey, Noah," she greeted and the peds surgeon turned around. He was halfway through his shift when she approached him in the N.I.C.U. Emily had just finished hers and was off to the beach to help Tom set up. "Can we talk?" she added with a whisper. She was just beginning her fifth week and she knew Theresa was having a hard time keeping the secret around her husband.

"Uh, sure." He closed the chart and put it back in his place before following his sister. "What's wrong?"

"Why do you think something's wrong?" she asked and he shrugged.

"Because of… George," he said it tentatively and she nodded. "I just want to help y'know, but you don't make it easy."

"Sorry," she apologized, "But I'm better. I swear, I am. That's why I'm about to tell you something deeply personal. And I know it's true because Theresa ran a blood test so it's pretty much confirmed that I'm pregnant." She fiddled with her fingers when there was a silence on the other end. Then, she was suddenly thrown over his shoulder and she yelped. Realizing the sound she made, she clamped a hand over her mouth as Noah twirled around.

"What?" he exclaimed and she managed to stifle her laughs. "Did you tell Mark yet?"

"No, not yet," she admitted truthfully as he set her back down. "I can't quite catch him and I don't think it's something I should say over the voicemail."

"Damn, me over the dad. I feel flattered." He grinned and she smacked him. "Seriously."

"Whatever. I've got to go, okay?" She didn't wait for an answer before speeding down the hallway. Noah shook his head disbelievingly and returned to his work.

 _His little sister, a mom._ Unbelievable.

 **Day Thirty Seven**

She wore a peach colored, loose-fit tank top and white shorts. According to Google, the sunset would be in about fifteen minutes. So she picked up Ella and drove to the beach. "Can I take off the blindfold?"

"No!"

"Why?"

"Just no," she said and continued driving. Finally, she parked and helped Ella out of the car with a quick, "Watch your head."

"This is borderline kidnapping."

"It was consensual."

"Give me my phone."

"No." The sand slipped between her toes as she walked down the beach. The sun was just starting to sink as she led the blonde towards the trail of candles. "Okay, stop right here. Ready?"

"No." The answer was clipped and impatient. "Seriously, why the hell is there sand in my new runners…." the woman trailed off as Emily removed the blindfold. "What is this?"

"Follow the light," she whispered before dashing back to her car. Glancing back quickly, she realized Ella was doing as she asked. Opening her trunk, she grabbed the guitar before sprinting to the jut that held speakers. Only fifteen seconds. She only had fifteen seconds to reach the spot. Now she was glad she worked out so much more because when she sat down on her spot with five seconds to spare, she didn't feel the slightest bit winded. Plugging the guitar in, she tuned it softly as Tom gave her the thumbs up.

There Ella was, the sunset casting them in gold as she adjusting the mic stand in front of her. "What is this?" She heard Tom's girlfriend ask.

She took it as their queue as Tom began speaking. Clearing her throat softly, she began strumming the first few chords of _In My Veins_. Singing the first verse, she felt her heart stop at how perfect this all was. The light was dying when he got down on one knee and pulled out a ring. Heat seared her blood, travelling through her entire body when she stopped, hands clasped over her mouth. She had completely forgot what she was doing and she beamed as the sun dipped below the water.

Then they kissed and he swung her around in a hug. That could only mean one thing.

They did it. But even more than that, they had made perfection.

 **Day Forty**

Picking up her phone again, she sighed as it went to voicemail. "Mark, call me back. I really need to talk to you." Ending it again, she rested a hand on her abdomen and imagined it swollen with their kid. Sighing, she called again.

 **A/N: Edited - October 16, 2018**

 **Next:** **A building collapse takes one of Mass Gen's own.**


	36. The Building Collapse

_When it finally reveals itself, the future is never the way we imagined it._

 _-Meredith Grey_

* * *

The wedding was relatively small. Despite Ella's romantic attitude, she was notoriously private in making sure no one except close and trusted family members and friends saw her in a poofy white dress she secretly loved. Then, the wedding dress was packed in a box and tucked away in their new home together near the hospital. Another bunch of interns came around and Taylor graduated from his fellowship with flying colors.

"I'm thinkin' of hanging around you for awhile," he said jokingly when she had scrubbed in on a trauma with him. "You're like a miracle worker right now. Saving lives left and right, do you ever sleep?"

"Nope. All I do is fix people." She shrugged and he smiled. Nudging her playfully, he felt a flicker of relief when she smiled back.

.

The alarm rang and she woke with a start, an immediate yawn coming out of her mouth. "What time is it?" she snapped, slapping the person beside her. Who had she stumbled into her bed with? She recognized the wallpaper of the room she stayed in at Noah's and the door was half open, revealing Theresa in the bathroom. Sitting up, she ran her hand along the wall for the light switch and flicked it on.

"What!" the someone beside her yelled and sat up with a start. Taylor's blue eyes were wide with fright as he glanced around her rapidly.

"Hey," she mumbled and there was a pause before he responded back. His face was covered in sweat and she frowned, pulling her sleeve up so her fingers could grasp it and wiping the sleeve across his head. Scrunching up her nose, she got up to the door, feeling her muscles ache. Then, did everything come back to her. After shift, they had a race on who could run around Boston faster.

Safe to say, it was the worst idea ever. Although, she had won, of course despite the multiple trips to the bathroom. Speaking of, she darted out of the room and nearly into Theresa on her way to the bathroom as she keened and promptly emptied water and acid into the toilet bowl. Her sister-in-law held her hair back until she was finished before she leaned back and sat down, head resting against the cold tiles.

"Rough day?"

"Rough everything," she said as the green-eyed woman leaned down with a towel to wipe around her mouth. "Thanks."

"You should really tone it down."

"Can't refuse a good challenge. God, I didn't think I was going to be this sore." She groaned as Taylor came out, stumbling like a zombie towards the living room.

"You're _pregnant,_ Em. You're going to be tired, you're going to be sore. Running around Boston does that to you," Theresa mused, sitting down beside her. "Come on, get in the shower. I'll whip you up something to eat before you get to work." The woman pushed her sister towards the shower before getting up and taking out a towel for her. "Make sure you get behind the ears," she added teasingly. Emily shot her a glare as she stripped, stepping into the tub and pulling the curtain around.

"Yeah, yeah." She grumbled but felt relief when the searing water washed away any pain. It reminded her of Mark and the parts of her that ached for him hollowed out her insides. She needed him to call her.

.

Meredith knew things. Well, everyone knew things. But she had a terrible childhood so it made her susceptible of knowing when people weren't stable. Like now. Lexie was off doing some paperwork for Thatcher while Mark was keeping her busy and she was here, waiting for Bailey to come and take her to surgery. Ever since Emily had up and left, he had taken to Little Grey like a big brother.

Big brother to her stupid little sister she loved with stupid puppy eyes. _Little sister._ Lexie was her little sister. And as much as Meredith was scared to love her, she did. That's why she was doing this. It was something Emily would've done. Emily probably would've asked to be tested even though Thatcher was Lexie's dad. But she was different now. Less stable. The last time they had spoken, she realized that the brunette sounded better but still off. Still healing.

For God's sake, she was Emily. She loved with her whole heart and never held back and that meant when George died, she could barely hold it together. Meredith knew that. And now he was gone. There was bound to be a few cracks without anyone who knew George to help her. She'd fill in the cracks with glue that hadn't set and tape that'd fray. Meredith knew that Emily wouldn't fix it until someone made her fix it.

Sometimes, she hated that her friend was in Boston. Sometimes, she hated the distance because she could feel Emily drifting away again. Something bad was coming and she knew it. Now, they had to just wait for it to play out.

.

Three days after her Boston marathon, Emily was paged to the E.R. The T.V. was on and there was a startling calm to it. Many of the beds were prepped with trauma kits as a black jacket was shoved into her hands. Her Mass Gen jacket. Confused, she unfolded it. Putting it on, she joined the line of other doctors waiting beside her. It consisted of Tom, Taylor, Matthew and Noah. She frowned slightly, tucking the necklace under her shirt.

"What's happening?" Tom asked as Noah broke line, a commanding aura around him. He scanned them, watching as the T.V. switched to the news.

"We are deployed as the triage team from this hospital. A building collapsed with an estimated a thirty casualties so far. Now, I need you all to assess, tag and move on to the next one or go to triage and do what you can. Search and Rescue are continuously bringing out new ones and I need you all on your A game." He held his hands behind his back, pinning them with a stare again. "Be careful, be cautious, be smart. Quick and dirty, no muss, no fuss. Understood?"

"Yes," they chanted back and he nodded. Turning around, he grabbed a trauma kit and they followed suit, loading into the ambulance. The doors swung shut as Emily huddled in between Tom and Taylor. Noah and Matthew sat on the other side, swaying as the sirens wailed. They dodged between traffic and sped through the highway as they drove as fast as they could to the site. Noah brought out some black devices, hooking one on his jacket.

"Radios. Use 'em when you need to, always answer and tell us where you are. You report back to me when I tell you to."

"Yes, sir." Emily grabbed the radio and hooked it to her jacket when the ambulance stuttered to a stop. Opening the door, Taylor jumped off the rig first, his green trauma kit swaying from the momentum. Landing beside him, she used his shoulder to steady herself before glancing up. Her eyes widened as Tom came beside her.

"Holy shit." Swallowing, she nodded in agreement.

"Yeah."

In front of her, a grey building was swallowed in dust and ash, steel beams and glass panes shattered. It was three stories tall, an apartment building. Tenants streamed out, scared and hurt. There were tents and rolled tarps for color-coded triage. There was a loud crash and a large flare of fire ignited before dying off again. Dust and smoke poured out the broken windows as people screamed. The thundering rain nearly drowned them all out as Emily ducked on instinct, raising her arms as glass shattered.

"Let's move, people!" Noah yelled and immediately made his way to the red zone, stopping beside a small child. Nodding, she grabbed Tom's hand and he pulled her along. Taylor went off to talk to the Search and Rescue leader while Matthew went with the trauma surgeon.

"Come on," she urged to Tom. They ran to where people were coming out of the building. Their sneakers slapped against the pavement as the sudden stream of people ended with a woman, her auburn hair getting soaked in the rain but her skin covered in dust.

He darted ahead, taking a hold of the middle-aged woman. She was coughing but seemed relatively unscathed. "Are you alright, ma'am? I'm a doctor."

"My daughter, she's with her father and brother. We were just having lunch-" She broke off into a fit of coughs and Tom turned back. "She's hurt. I have to find them!" She lurched against him, trying to struggle back towards the building that made no movement.

"Ma'am. I'll go find them," she promised, sharing a look with Tom that told him she wasn't going to go in yet. Pulling up her hood to preserve heat, she came closer to the woman. "What's her name?"

"R-Rebecca. She's wearing a blue t-shirt with a unicorn. She loves unicorns. And Hunter, he's wearing his pajamas still." Nodding, she held onto the woman's hands. "Find them. Please." Looking at Tom, she drifted her gaze to triage and he nodded. When he took her away, she ran to the yellow and red sections. She'd had to go in when Search and Rescue cleared the first floor no matter how much it ached to see the woman so heart-broken. _George would thrive in this situation,_ she mused painfully as she spotted a man gasping for breath. He was under the yellow zone and no one seemed to notice. _At least he's covered,_ she thought dryly. He coughed once, twice, before she reached him.

"Sir, what's wrong?" she asked, taking out her stethoscope and unzipping her trauma kit. Listening around his heart, she heard a weak, thready pulse and weaker breath sounds. Pulling it off and around her neck again, she was about to lift his chest when he coughed so violently, blood spilled over his lips.

"My head… it's so…" His eyes rolled back into his head. Gesturing for one of the other doctors to help her on scene, she took out an ultrasound from her bag.

"Cut open his shirt." The other doctor took a pair of scissors, snipping away his shirt. Squirting out some gel, she rubbed it around the heart to find the right spot. Looking at the small screen, she determined it as cardiac tamponade.

Shuffling through her bag, she found the biggest needle she had and handed the screen and wand towards the other doctor. He looked at her nervously but did as she gestured for him to do. His hand shaked and she glared up at him, the needle barely pressing into the man's chest.

"Get your act together. If I don't get this right, he will die," she snapped and he nodded nervously. Taking the needle, she used her fingers to find the fifth intercostal space and pressed the tip in slowly. "Show me the screen," she said and he did so. Pushing in further, she was careful to not puncture the heart as the needle filled with blood. The cavity clearer, the man woke up and she covered the syringe so he wouldn't see. Pressing gauze to the little needle mark, she smiled at him.

"What happened?" he mumbled drearily and she smiled.

"Welcome back, sir." Taking back the ultrasound, she told the man across from her to help him get to the paramedics as her radio buzzed. Grabbing her trauma kit, she answered.

" _Where are you, Em?_ " Tom's voice crackled over the feed.

"Red zone. Meet you at the blue zone," she told him as a large burst of Search and Rescue workers came through with a bunch of people.

"It was a party in one loft," one of them told the paramedics who swooped in. They were all either unconscious or dead, impaled and bloody. "The lights fell down and crushed all of them. They need a hospital now." Matthew suddenly appeared beside her, taking vitals of the first casualty before clicking his radio.

"I'm going back to the hospital," he announced before letting go. "Em, you coming?"

"Can't have all of us leave," she teased quickly and he grinned, pushing the gurney away towards the rows of ambulances. Watching them go, she felt a quick tug at her jacket. Glancing down, she saw a girl with a blue shirt, a unicorn smack in the middle. Looking around, she spotted Tom coming towards her. "Are you Rebecca?"

"My daddy's hurt!" she said after a confirming nod. "I need to show you. I think he might die!" She was only around nine. "I need you to go inside. The other people won't listen. Hunter is staying with him!"

"Rebecca - I - I can't go in there. It's not safe for me to go inside. But I found your mommy-"

"No! Daddy's shoulder looks weird and he keeps saying that he'll see me later. But he's lying. I can tell because when I went to go find you I heard him praying." A conflicted look passed their faces and Tom looked more determined that ever to barge in. "Daddy only prays when something bad is going to happen."

"We have to go, Em. Dr. Moore," he spoke into the radio, "we need permission to go in."

" _Taylor, what floors are safe?_ " her brother asked as Emily leaned down.

"What floor are they on?" Rebecca held up three fingers. "They're on the third floor." Noticing the girl whimpering, she frowned. Crouching down, she noted the way she clutched her wrist. "Are you hurt? Does your wrist hurt? Hey!" she yelled at a resident from Brigham's who ran over. "Can you check out her wrist?"

"'Course. Come here, sweetheart. We need to get you warm and dry," the resident gestured but Rebecca fought against it.

"I need to show them where daddy is!"

" _Third floor is more unstable. They're going through the roof."_ Taylor's reply crackled through and Em groaned. Turning back to the Brigham resident, she found Rebecca gone.

"Where is she?" The resident turned around, adjusting the pack around his shoulder. He glanced around and shrugged.

"I thought she was just behind me!"

"You have to got to be joking me. Come on, Tom." She threw a hand towards the entrance and dove into the building. He grinned and followed in after her.

" _Emily, report! You better have not gone in there,"_ Noah warned. " _Em!"_ Immediately, she was faced with clouds of ash and dust. Raising her hand, she sealed her mouth shut and held her breath, wafting away the smokey air. A lot of tables were overturned in the lobby, wires where lights were supposed to be and the wooden floors were scratched. Blood stained the floor and walls but no bodies were in sight as she scanned the area. A flash of blue darted up the stairs and Tom tugged her in that direction.

" _Emily, report!"_ This time, Taylor barked out the order, worry weaving his tone.

"I am not leaving a kid to die," Tom grunted out in response as he threw a beam out of the way to get to the staircase when a shadow was casted across the wall. Climbing up, she rounded the corner, spotting a man carrying a child. His head was red with blood as he stumbled, falling down the last five steps. Backing down the steps, she caught the child as he fell, crashing into the wall. Tom immediately took the kid from her, allowing her to inspect the dad.

"Sir, can you hear me?" she said, tilting his head up at her so she could inspect the head lac. Taking out a flashlight from her pocket, she watched his pupils dilate. Responsive. Good.

"Rebecca…" he moaned and she looked up at the top of the flight of stairs. Rebecca was there, clutching her arm. Emily gestured for the young girl to descend before inspecting the father's shoulder.

"Tom, how's Hunter?"

"Good. He can stand, a little bit tired. The dad?"

"Pupils responsive but he has a scalp lac that looks pretty deep and - take a breath for me, sir," she instructed and he did so, "-breath sounds are weak. We need to get him out now. Help me pop his shoulder in. Rebecca, come here." she addressed it to the girl as she descended the stairs. Tom looked up, telling Hunter to stay put. The young boy looked close to tears as the male surgeon carried his sister towards him. He whimpered at the man's cold hands but shushed when he saw Rebecca.

"Rebecca, we've got to get out before the whole place crumbles," he said urgently, wincing as a few pieces of concrete dusted upon them. "Go with your brother. Can I trust you guys to get out? No playing," he said sternly and she nodded shakily. Putting her down, he brushed a few hairs back. "Find a doctor, get your wrist looked at. You're very brave," he whispered and she hugged him before running after her brother.

"You're good at peds," she joked and he grinned as he helped lift the kids' father down to the main floor. "Thinking of claiming it?

"I don't know," he teased as they laid him down on the floor. "Can I set the shoulder? Haven't done one in a while."

"Yeah. I'm going to start checking out his chest. Come here." She scooted around so he could take her place. Sitting the man up, Tom counted to three before jerking it back into place. Immediately the man screamed and there was a loud bang. Looking up, the two surgeons felt dust from the ceiling against their faces. Little crumbling remnants of the ceiling scattered over their faces. Their skin was coated with grey as there was the building rumbled. It felt gross on her skin when rain dripped down her face and down her hair, causing the dust to turn into a thick mixture, streaming into her mouth and eyes.

" _Get out of there! Now! What the hell did your guys do..."_ Noah's voice faded over the radios as Tom and Emily shared a look. Hoisting her bag onto her shoulder, her grip on the father tightened. They were about to move when the ceiling crumbled. A large slab slammed in front of them, blocking their exit.

A web of cracks spread throughout the structure. The concrete was coming closer to their heads as they dropped to the ground. Covering their patient, the two surgeons used their free hand to cover their necks. Dust plumed upwards from the floor, sneaking into their lungs and drying them out. Lights flickered and there was a small whine of electricity. Everything seemed quiet when there was another crack of concrete. Glancing at the support beams near the stairs, she saw them slowly bend from the weight when finally with a _twang,_ they snapped and the concrete broke.

The crack spread across the floor like veins as the floor fell from under her. And for a moment, she was weightless. Then, gravity slammed her to the ground and she watched in slow motion as the ground fell beside her. Tom hit a cabinet, flipping him onto a table as his back landed on the table with a loud crack echoing in her ears before rolling off and under the shadow of an impending slab of concrete.

It was the last thing she saw before the darkness. For a moment, she thought the black minutes of peace was her ascending to whatever afterlife there was. Then:

" _Come in. Come in! Emily? Get Search and Rescue in there!"_

" _Noah, I'm going to go in."_

" _No! That building's still not stable._ " The conversation went back and forth as Emily blinked open her eyes. Her body ached as she pushed herself up. The dad was obviously dead, the way his head was at a certain angle and his eyes blank said everything. Glancing for the man she had come in with, she spotted a pair of legs underneath a chunk of concrete. Panic and horror immediately seizing her body, she got up and ran towards him, not caring of anything else as she hauled the large piece of the ceiling off. Tom was slack-jawed and ashen, his eyes open as he searched for a familiar face. Spotting her, he tried to say something but he couldn't breathe.

"Crap, crap, crap! Tom, you do not die on me," she hissed, searching around her for their trauma kits. Taking the stethoscope, she ripped open his jacket and pushed up his shirt, haphazardly listening to his breath sounds and heart. "Okay, okay, okay. You - you have a collapsed lung." She ripped open the trauma kit, finding a needle and stabbing it into an intercostal space. Taking out, air immediately hissed through the opening and she sighed as he breathed easier. "I need to take off your shirt," she told him and she pulled his shirt back down, grabbing a pair of scissors from the kit and snipping away.

Colors ranging from sickly purple to vibrant red varied on his chest and his fingers twitched as she felt his rough abdomen. Internal bleeding. He shivered and she swallowed painfully, speaking to her radio.

"I'm okay, Noah, but Tom sustained massive injuries to the abdomen. We fell through the basement and he's going to die if we aren't fast enough," she said as she listened to his weak heart again. He was already dying. She knew it. "We need, we need to get him to the hospital." Letting go of the button, she tried tugging his arm. "Can you move your legs?" The two of them glanced down to his feet. They didn't move. "Tom, this isn't the time for games. Can you _move_ your _legs?_ "

"Em…" he managed to gasp out and she grabbed his hand, fingers brushing over the wedding band he refused to take off. She would always tease him about it. His hands were like ice, colder than hers that were freezing from the rain. Death had already touched him. He gasped painfully, coughing and sputtering. "God… I'm so sorry. I didn't… if I… I can't feel my legs." Blood poured out of his lips and she hid her tears, brushing a few wet strands back from his face.

"Shh." The brunette crouched over him, pressing a finger to his lips. "Save your strength," she whispered against his hand as cramps pressed against her abdomen. Keening over, she felt something warm and wet trail down her legs. Glancing down, she watched as dark red stained her scrubs. Looking back up at Tom, she saw his wide eyes and she knew that he knew.

"Your baby," he gasped, every breath a challenge, "Your baby, they're dying. It's my fault, I'm sorry."

"Sh… It's not. Don't worry. It's okay."

"Don't say… that…" He looked away but she cupped his cheek and turned him towards her.

"I love you. You're my best friend, you can't die." Her voice broke and tears traced her cheeks, clearing a path on the dust that rested on her skin. Hot and racing, they fell onto his jacket as she covered him up with his jacket again to keep him warm. He was so _cold._ His skin was pale, the blue veins tracing up and down under his thin skin.

"Tell Ella that - that I love her and that I'm sorry," he stuttered, knuckles brushing against her cheek as she held onto it. "You've be-been the greatest," he breathed, trying to finish his sentence, " _best friend_ someone could ever have. The… the best sister."

"Tom, no," she whispered, gripping his hand as if she could squeeze life back into him. He held on as hard as he could until slowly, his fingers uncurled and the muscles went lax. Opening her eyes, she saw his eyes drift off, focusing on nothing.

Knives stabbed her abdomen, paralyzing her for a few moments before she managed to press her fingers near his carotid and found no pulse. Getting her weight from her feet straight onto her knees, she leaned forward and began C.P.R, ignoring the feel of more blood staining and trailing her legs as a large clot pressed against her thigh. Pressure was building up in her body as she continued to press against his chest.

"No! No, no, no. You can't leave. Not now. Come on. _Tom!_ " Her voice rose with desperation as she pushed harder against his chest. There was a hard _crack._ She had cracked a rib. She had cracked _his rib._ Behind her, there was a scratch of concrete against floor and a slight rustle of dust as Search and Rescue came over the edge.

"Emily, we've got to get you out of here." It was Noah. Although his voice twisted in rage, it faded away when he saw what she was doing. Search and Rescue workers landed down beside her, attached to ropes. She didn't turn around towards him, simply continuing the resuscitation until arms wrapped around her to pull her away.

"No! We can still save him!" she screamed in vain as they pulled her away. She struggled but the pain building up in her abdomen was too much and she fell limp against the man's restraining arms. "We can still save him. Please, don't leave him there! Don't leave him here!" Fire burned on her face and she could barely breathe let alone live with the agony festering like a parasite in her stomach.

Her shuddering breaths made Noah's heart break as she finally fell to her knees. They took her out and exited the building as her shoulders shook in silent sobs. A new pair of arms wrapped around her and she clawed at the throat of her brother who had the mask of a soldier. His eyes glistened as she smashed her face into his chest, screaming until her voice turned sore.

" _Tom, no - he isn't dead!_ "

She managed to break away and began running towards the building but stumbled and fell to her knees. Rain pelted on her like bullets, and parts of her she never knew existed pulsed in torment. The pain was unbearable. Noah knelt beside her, taking her into his arms and held on for dear life as his eyes stung. Blinking, the tears became nestled in her hair as she wailed like a banshee. The sky was dark and grey with grief as if some higher power were mourning. For a moment, Emily thought they shouldn't be, for an angel had returned to their ranks.

Then she realized perhaps, they were mourning for her. For in an instant, she had lost everything.

 **A/N: Edited - October 16, 2018**

 **Next: The week after.**


	37. Aftermath

_The dictionary defines grief as keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret._

 _-Meredith Grey_

* * *

 **Day One**

Perhaps it was the icy rain or what she knew was coming or even the soldier's blood in her veins, but she felt herself harden like stone, unfeeling and numb. No one spoke to her as they formed a line. The Chief of the fire department stood at the front of the line as officers saluted, standing still as statues.

She watched as they brought out his body. He didn't look any different, just paler and grey. They covered his chest with his jacket and crossed his hands on his abdomen. And when he reached her where she stood at the ambulance, she half-expected him to wake up with a smile. But he didn't and they loaded him into the ambulance. Climbing into the ambulance, she clenched her jaw, feeling her blood-soaked scrubs unstick and re-stick to her skin. The ambulance ride was quiet as all she could see was his pale face and golden ring.

"I love you." Her voice faded out, holding his cold hand and closing her eyes, unable to look at him any longer. "Take care of my kid, okay? Promise." She didn't receive an answer although she expected one. She let his hand drop. Digging her face into her hands, sobs wracked her body

.

When the ambulance rolled to a stop, she didn't move. Not even when the paramedics opened the doors and urged her to come out. "Dr. Moore, come on. You need to go to the-"

"Clinic. I know," she whispered softly and stood almost on robot. The pain had now lessened to a dull throb and when she brushed her fingers against the fabric, she cringed. Bringing them up, she saw the red smudges against her skin as the paramedic held up a hand for her. Using the non-bloodied hand, she clasped it in his and exited the ambulance.

"Will you be good from here on?" he asked uncertainty laced in his voice after he helped her to the hallway that led to the clinic. She stared up at him and found that he was a mix of afraid and sympathetic as she nodded.

"Yeah," she said after a moment and he rubbed her arm before turning around and walking away. Making sure he was gone, she continued on towards the clinic where the nurse behind her looked up.

"I'll get you to your room," she murmured. Clearly she knew already. Nodding numbly, Emily just followed. "Is there anyone we can call?"

"To- Taylor," she corrected, clawed into pieces as the woman nodded. "And my brother, please. Please get my brother."

"Of course."

.

"Slowly," Noah murmured as he held her hand. Taylor held onto her other one as she slid down into the wheelchair. Although it wasn't necessary, Noah had insisted for maximum comfort and she didn't bother to argue. She had no energy to so she had simply obeyed his instructions to bath and change. "Better?"

She nodded, trance-like.

"Then we have to go tell Ella," Noah murmured, taking up the position to push the wheelchair as Taylor nodded. He crouched in front of his friend, wincing at how empty her hazel eyes were. The life and energy that used to inhabit those two gems were now diminished, giving no sign that they were ever there in the first place.

"I'll be right back, okay? I just have to go tell the Chief what happened." Another nod. He leaned over and kissed her on the forehead before standing up. "Update me on anything," he muttered to the elder Moore and he nodded.

"Of course."

Pushing the wheelchair past the blond, the siblings continued to the main lobby where Ella was pacing back and forth in her outdoor clothes. When the wife-now-widow heard the rolling of wheels, she looked up in relief.

"Thank god you're here, Dr. Moore. I can't seem to reach Tom anywhere," the woman exclaimed as she recalled again. "It just goes straight to voicemail, I can't - Em? What happened?" Then did the surgeon realize her friend was in a wheelchair. Emily raised her head, staring blankly at Ella as Noah asked her to sit down. Everything was muffled and blurry, tears unknowingly spilling over her cheeks as the head of peds sat beside his younger co-worker.

"Ella, this is going to be hard for you," he began, "I know, it will be. There's been an incident." Those were the first words they taught you to say to an unsuspecting family member. Then, an explanation. "Tom went to the scene of the building collapse." Noah wouldn't shine a bad light on him in the wake of his death, Emily knew that. He would exclude the part where they went against his orders. Where she killed him. "The ceiling collapsed and-"

"What?" Ella's voice was high-pitched with fear, denial, anger. "Why was he in the building? I thought you guys were only there for triage."

"We were, but-" Noah glanced at his sister and Ella followed his gaze. The wheelchair bound surgeon had yet to say anything or even look up.

"What happened, Em? Where is my husband?"

She inhaled shakily, finally looking up at the widow. Everything played behind her eyes - the pain, how still he was under her touch. How dark the sky was as if heaven itself was mourning. But heaven didn't exist. No god would do this. No god was this cruel.

"Tom is dead."

 **Day Two**

She thought it was a nightmare. One that was very long, one that would be a relief to wake up from but when Harper Avery went to her to ask if Tom was an organ donor, she knew it was real. Why else would the surgeon be standing in her room?

"I'd ask the family but they couldn't decide. And Dr. Morgan… as you know-" _is nowhere to be found,_ Emily finished dully. Her laptop was open to the building collapse on the news. Looking at the surgeon, she shrugged.

"Donate his organs," she decided simply and he gave her time to reconsider. "I'm sure," she repeated firmly but softly. Her eyes drifted back to the laptop screen.

 **Building Collapse in Downtown Boston: 20+ Casualties**

 _Massachusetts General loses one of their own in a devastating incident. Click_ _ **here**_ _for more_

.

Before dinner, she heard Noah lock himself in the bathroom. For a while, she ignored it until thirty minutes later he had yet to come out. Excusing herself from the dinner table and her untouched meal, she put her plate on the counter and stood in front of the door.

"Noah," she said, voice hoarse from disuse. She had barely spoken five words since Harper came in. When there was no response, she knocked. "Open the damn door." Banging her fist against the wood, she winced when her abdomen ached. Placing a hand against the flat of her stomach, she sighed. "Noah!"

Finally, the door clicked and unlocked. Noah's red, swollen eyes were telltale signs of his crying. He didn't even bother to hide the tears as he let her in and locked the door behind her. Putting down the toilet seat lid, she sat on it as he leaned against the wall and sunk down. "Tom died." His voice cracked and he wiped at his tears angrily. "He died and it's my fault," he gasped and his shoulders shook as he hiccuped, trying to stop his tears.

"No." The word came out almost automatically. "Of course it isn't. It's just the way the universe is." His head snapped up, pinning her with an identical hazel stare.

"I miss him all the time," he murmured, "He hasn't even been gone a day and I miss him."

Emily was quiet. She couldn't speak as the crevasse carved into her soul widened at how small and defeated her brother looked.

"How am I supposed to tell my sons that he's dead?" His breath hitched sharply and Emily shrugged, tears coming to her eyes. Her brother was usually so strong - she couldn't remember the last time she saw her brother cry. Resting her thumb against her temple, she pressed the side of her index finger across the span of her brow. Throat closing up, she stayed silent. "You had a miscarriage,"

"I know."

"I love you, Emi."

"I know."

 **Day Three**

She saw Tom again, dressed in a dashing suit. It covered the transplant wounds that they had performed. She was wearing the same thing she wore to George's funeral, the silver necklace bright against the dark, somber aura in the cemetery. She watched the priest spout prayers or something like that like they did at George's funeral. It never meant anything. Not to her.

Today would be her first day back at the hospital. After all this was done, she'd drive to Mass Gen and work.

But first, she had to pick up the guitar and get on that stage. Ella was crying and leaning on her sister. When the blonde looked at her, she saw so much grief that nearly made her voice shake. But she also saw hate too. There was no explanation on how he died and Ella hadn't wanted one. Those three words were simple enough to ring true. So she opted to swallow and move on, eyes flickering from Matthew to Davin to his mom. She hadn't met her before but she immediately saw Tom in her. In her eyes and face and posture.

Her eyes flickered over the back row, people she didn't know staring back at her as they wiped their eyes. For a moment, she felt her heart stop as a brunet man stared back at her, an easy smile lighting up his brown eyes. She blinked and he was gone.

.

"You don't need to be back so soon," Davin murmured in an uncharacteristic tone of kindness. Matthew nodded from beside her as she shoved her bag in her cubby. His hand rested on her shoulder and she shook it off angrily. "Come on, Emily-"

"I'm fine. I want to work and I want to do it in peace, alright?" she snapped sharply and they backed off, sharing concerned looks as she stormed off towards the charts. Doing quick rounds, she noticed many people looking at her and whispering. Dr. Austen looked somber, not even bothering to ask if she was fine.

She wasn't.

After finishing up her plastics rounds, she continued to monitor a burn patient. As she wrote down the drugs she had just given the patient, she felt a nurse's eyes land on her again for what seemed to be like the hundredth time. "May I help you?" she asked, tone clipped. Raising her head, she stared at the woman point-blank, mouth itching to twist into a snarl.

"No, ma'am," she squeaked and averted her eyes. Turning back to her work, she wrote down _silver sulfadiazine_ and the amount before looking up. Catching the woman again, she closed the chart with a jerking movement. She nearly tore the cover off the binder in anger.

"What the hell is your problem?"

"I just… I miss Dr. Jones." The nurse blinked, tears leaking from her eyes, "If it's this hard for me, then it must be terrible for you. I'm so sorry. You must be incredibly brave to be back so soon."

"Life's hard," she snapped, putting the chart in the stand with a slam. The anger was sudden, swallowing her with rage, white and hot and blinding. "We just have to deal with it. And if you can't pull yourself together, then don't come to work. These patients need the best of care and if they can't get it here, then that'll fall on _me._ Understood?"

"Of course, Dr. Moore. I was just… trying to offer my condolences."

"I know." Finding her throat dry, she swallowed. Blinking, all she could do was apologize. "I'm - I'm sorry." She walked away, hand rubbing the bridge of her nose as she tried to understand why. She shook her head as she rounded the corner and leaned against the wall with one shoulder. Lightly tapping her head against the wall, she could feel the memory's rain kiss her skin as dust crawled into her mouth.

 _._

Later that day, she found out from Noah that he called and emailed her friends and Mark about what happened. But he said, "I didn't tell him about the miscarriage. You should."

She didn't eat dinner that night. Everything tasted like blood and ash.

.

She woke up with a start. The crumbling of the building still resonated in her ears. Face damp with sweat, she got up and crossed the hall into the bathroom. Turning on the light, she splashed icy water into her face before looking at herself in the mirror. Droplets clung to her skin and eyelashes as she looked at her reflection. Her hair was mussed and tangled but was still the same rich color. Dr. Austen always said she reminded him of Tom. When inquired of why, he explained that she had Tom's smile and he had her hair. Dr. Bakely snidely called them the Wonder Twins.

A part of her resolved to never smile again in front of her mirror, lest she be reminded of him again. The other part of her felt heavy, sagging as she opened the drawer where she knew scissors lay. Pinching strands of hair between her fingers, she took a deep breath and cut.

 **Day Four**

"Hey, Ella." The blonde looked at the O.R. board as Emily tugged her scrub cap off, revealing her short tendrils. It was the first time the widow had stepped in the hospital after his death. The prominent name was Emily's, taking up an O.R. for multiple surgeries in a row.

Ella turned to stare at her disbelievingly before walking down the hall. Narrowing her eyes, Emily glanced at her next surgery. Above-the-knee amputation. When she looked down the hall again, Ella was gone and Emily only clenched her jaw and stared resolutely at the board. She didn't have the strength to chase after a lost cause. Turning towards the O.R., she only focused on a patient's life she was saving as she kept moving. There were lives she could save.

 **Day Five**

"Your sister is a prodigy."

"I know," Noah mumbled as Taylor rubbed his friend's shoulder. "She won't see the shrink." They watched as she whirred the bone saw through the gallery glass. Only in the O.R. did it seem like she was in peace, normal. Everywhere else, she merely glided around like a ghost, never stopping to even chat for a while. Ella, who had her first day back, was caught screaming at his sister before being stopped by Dr. Olivier. Emily had said it was nothing.

But it was something. Everyone knew it. She needed someone to blame.

 **Day Six**

The MVC patient they had ended up having to have his legs amputated.

Taylor had stepped out because he was paged to the O.R. next door and that meant Ella had free reign to completely disrespect Emily's orders even though she was charged with amputating the legs.

"You knew I was right," Emily snapped as she brought the chart to the nurse's station. Ripping off the mask from her neck, she waited until Ella turned to look at her.

"My way would've saved his legs."

"He can live without his legs. He can't live without a heartbeat," she said coldly, opening up the chart and writing down her name. "Honestly, what's up with you?" When there was no answer, she shook her head. "You know what? Save it. Maybe you shouldn't be back at work if you can't respect orders." Turning around, she took a few steps before being stopped.

"Can _you_?" Emily froze. "You're a hypocritical bitch, you know that?" The brunette swallowed, trying to stop the simmering in her bones. "And you know what? I'll tell you what's up with me. My husband died. That's _what's up_ with me. My husband died when he went to a building collapse for _triage._ And then someone tells me he's dead. He's dead because he went inside the building."

Emily's voice shook as she spat out, "And?"

"I don't know what happened there that day and I don't want to know, but Tom died. Can't you get it through your _thick head?_ How does it not phase you? How - how is this not _what's up_ with you? Because your best friend died. My husband died. We lost someone."

"Everyone copes differently-" she started but was cut off.

"Except you aren't coping!" Ella snapped bluntly. "You work and you save lives you can't save, and I would say that's coping except you don't talk about it. You bottle it up and you won't tell anyone that you had a miscarriage and that _you killed him."_ There were numerous gasps around them and Emily walked closer to her former friend, trying to quiet her voice. "You won't let yourself feel guilty because all you want to do is look like a saint."

"You don't think I blame myself? That I wish I'd done-" she broke off as her voice cracked, "I'd give anything to turn back time. I loved him."

"Are you sure?" Offended, Emily arched a brow as Ella spat the question at her. It landed on her skin like venom, sinking deep into her flesh.

"I've got the dead Tom thing handled. Have you? You know you've lived up to the expectations. The sad _, sad_ widow. But people are still waiting on me, Ella. To become a mess and blow up and scream because Tom died." The words just came pouring out. There was no anchor for her anymore. "I know a bomb is supposed to be ticking, waiting to blow up. I _know_ that people are whispering. 'Isn't that the girl who watched Tom died?' 'Bet she's gonna go crazy soon.'" There was a silence then. "You know, I envy you. I envy you because you didn't see him. You didn't feel his heart stop or see how pale he was or watch as he died. I envy you. And I wish I were someone else, and I wish I was better, but I am not. If I were better, maybe I could have saved his life, but I didn't. But you know what? I'm fine. I'm - I'm great. I'm okay."

"Those don't sound like words anymore," Ella said and Emily looked away. Her eyes were empty and they made anyone who looked into them flinch. "I'm sorry."

"Are you? Because I think you needed a reason to say it. And I'm glad you did." Her eyes drifted back to Ella's. The blonde flinched and Emily brushed hair back from her face. "All I see is Tom in this hospital. Everywhere. I see him in the cafeteria and in on-call rooms and in the sim lab. So if it makes you feel better, I'll be handing in my letter of resignation tonight. I loved your husband and you were my friend. And if it makes you feel better, I quit."

 **Day Seven**

"Goodbye, Harper," Emily whispered, unshed tears in her eyes. He hugged her tightly and she hugged him back. "I thought I could do it but I can't and I feel like such a coward."

"You're not," assured the other, pulling back. "I just can't believe you're bring my new trauma attending with you," he joked and she managed a forced chuckle.

"Sorry 'bout that," she glanced back at where Taylor was, standing with a huge smile that hid how concerned he was for her. "I have to catch a flight."

"You do. Ah," the man clicked his tongue and brought her into a hug again, "I'll miss you, you devil."

"I'll miss you too, sir," she whispered fondly in his ear and he pulled back. Ruffling her hair, he brought out his scrub cap. Always had to be a surgery.

"Come on, Em. We have to go before two." Taylor called, coming over and shaking Harper Avery's hand. "Goodbye, sir. It's been an honor."

"You take care of her."

"Yes, sir."

.

"Matthew, Davin, I-" Emily struggled for words. They answered for her, pulling her into a three-way hug. "I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to apologize for," Matthew murmured fiercely, hugging her harder. "Come back when it hurts a little less, okay?"

"I will," she promised emptily, unsure if it'd ever hurt less. "Thank you."

.

"And you're sure Dr. Webber already gave you a position?" Emily asked.

"Yes. With the merger happening and the overflow of the E.R. from Mercy West, he said he'd be glad for the extra pair of hands. He's glad you're back, I think."

"I'm not 'back'. I don't have a choice," she murmured, glancing outside the plane window where the black road stretched for years. "He heard the news at Boston, or Noah told him, I don't know. He said I have to see a shrink if I come back."

"Of course you do." He held her hand as the plane began moving. "You have to get past this." He kissed her temple and she nodded. Her hazel eyes, although still empty, had the tiniest flicker of life as she leaned on his shoulder. That was a swell of hope to him and he rested his temple on her head. "I know you will."

"Yeah," she said after a long pause. Looking out the window again, she placed a hand over the pane and felt the cold surface against her palm. "I know." And she never said anything else after that, Taylor watched her periodically, heart hurting to see how her hazel eyes drifted and how still she sat. She could never sit still before, always pulling at her fingers or moving her head or stretching her legs. Now, she was doll-like, staring out the window.

"Do you want something to eat?" He reached out to touch her shoulder and she jolted away, eyes not focusing on him. They saw right through him as he drew his hand back. When they finally centered on him, he felt like something wilted inside him. The look in her eyes, as if reliving the horror she had experienced just a week ago, was something he saw on the battlefield and it never failed to make him feel weak and frostbitten.

"No," she finally said quietly before turning back to the window. He never felt as hopeless as then. Even after an episode or on the battlefield. He always knew what to do. But not now, when this brunette he had known to be so lively seemed to have her soul stolen from her by some unknown force. "Thank you for asking."

"No problem," he muttered, tapping on the screen in front of him to see how many hours there were left. Four hours. Crap. "Well, do you want to watch a movie?" No response. "A show? Music?" He offered again but there was nothing. Music often brought him a sense of peace after an episode. Emily would have to figure out what would bring her out of hers. But for now, jolting her out of it could only cause more trauma. Hopefully that shrink would-

"I don't need to see Dr. Wyatt," Emily murmured to him as if reading his mind. He barely heard her but shook his head anyway. Dr. Wyatt must be the shrink.

"You have to." She didn't respond but allowed him to drag her towards him and hug her for a very long time until she fell asleep for the rest of the plane ride.

.

When the plane finally landed, she jolted out of her daze again. Like she was programmed, she got up and was out of the airport in forty-five minutes flat. Breathing in, she rubbed the back of her neck.

"So this is Seattle."

"Yeah," she mumbled. He smiled, offering her a bite of the muffin he had bought on the plane. She pinched a piece, chewed and swallowed, despite it tasting numb in her mouth. He was trying to help. She knew that. The least she could do was humour him. "What're we doing first?"

"First, we're getting some sleep. You've been working for overtime. You need some sleep." To emphasize his point, she yawned. "Come on, let's go to the Archfield."

"Alright." She nodded numbly. Tomorrow she would face it. She would face Dr. Wyatt and Meredith and Alex. She would face Mark and the Chief and the Mercy Westers, god forbid. Tomorrow, she would try and find her place. She would try because Tom would want her to. She would try because she needed to if she ever wanted to be whole again.

 **A/N: Edited - October 19, 2018**

 **Next: Emily's first day back along with the Mercy Westers.**


	38. Mercy West

_The length of your recovery is determined by the extent of your injuries and is not always successful. No matter how hard we work at it, some wounds might never fully heal. You might have to adjust to a whole new way of living. Things may have changed too radically to ever go back to what they were. You might not even recognize yourself. It's like you haven't recovered anything at all. You're a whole new person with a whole new life._

 _-Meredith Grey_

* * *

She was at the hospital early but no one knew. No one but Taylor and Dr. Wyatt. She sat in the woman's office, staring at the fish tank. The woman, skin lined with wrinkles and two blue eyes staring intuitively at her, looked proper. Her pen tapped the notebook in her lap as Emily's eyes darted to find those two blue eyes staring at her.

"What do I say?

"Whatever you want. Everything is confidential." the woman immediately replied and Emily looked around the room. The purple-flowered plant to the left behind the couch was brilliant and blooming; the wooden table in front of her had a box of tissues and some hand cream. There was just the tapping of Dr. Wyatt's pen and the bubbling of the fish tank.

"The Mercy Westers are coming in today," she finally said, glancing at the clock. "Do you think they're good residents?"

"I think they'll be different." The woman supplied. "Good doctors, but different people. The way you run things here is different from there. Similar to how Boston changed you." She noted the allusion. "Do you want to talk about Boston?"

"Not really," she replied sharply and Dr. Wyatt wrote some things down with an arched brow.

"What about Tom?" Her doctor probed and she looked up sharply.

"No."

"Okay, then. What about a more familiar topic for now? Let's get to know each other."

"This is depressingly one-sided," Emily said.

Dr. Wyatt shook her head, pressing the notebook to her chest. "You're dating Mark Sloan, right?" Glancing at the clock again, the brunette noted they had only ten minutes left.

"Yeah." Another uncomfortable topic. This woman knew all her weak points to cause her to submit. "We haven't talked in awhile. I've been-" she exhaled deeply- "ignoring his calls. I know he knows that I lost Tom but I haven't gone to seen him because…" _the miscarriage._

"Because?" the woman prompted and Emily traced the pattern on the tissue box with her eyes.

"We drifted apart. Y'know, long distance relationship, the strain." Dr. Wyatt raised an eyebrow, sensing there was more to it.

"Is that it?"

"Yeah."

"Are you sure?"

"Why - what did Noah tell you?" she asked defensively, crossing her legs. The psychiatrist made a humming sound and Emily glared at her. Running a hand frustratedly through her short hair, she proposed, "Let's not talk about my personal relationships."

"For now. Your file says you came in here because of a traumatic experience and we have to get to the root of that problem so we technically do have to talk about your personal relationships," the woman elaborated upon Emily's glower. "This first meeting is only for me to get to know you. I want to know how you are, physically and mentally."

"Uh-huh," she felt a shiver run down her spine.

"You're surprisingly uncooperative. You're known to be rather kind, I've heard." She hummed her agreement.

"Was Meredith like this too?"

"Uncooperative?"

"Yeah."

"It helped her in the end. So why don't you tell me how you were before the incident?" Emily realized she had to give her therapist somewhere to start.

"I wasn't the happiest. George's death had just hit me hard. I was just coming to terms with it because-" because she found out she was pregnant and that maybe everything would be okay. But it wasn't. He died. "Anyway, I took up running and I worked a lot. I barely was at home but Tom was my company."

"That's not healthy," Dr. Wyatt said, ignoring the part about Tom. Secretly, Emily was relieved.

"Yeah, I know. It probably also said on my chart that I refused to see the shrink at Boston. I only came here because I have to. The Chief said I had to if I wanted the job."

"I see."

"Yeah. Sucks,"

"Unfortunately, sometimes life deals you a hand you aren't always pleased with," Dr. Wyatt replied and she nodded. "So you said you ran?"

"Yeah. Normally when I was off work."

"I see. Isn't that sometimes unhealthy?"

"Never killed anyone."

"What if you were pregnant?" Emily froze and Dr. Wyatt wrote something down. Glancing at the time, she realized they were five minutes over. Getting up, she grabbed her lab coat and walked to the door, hand on the silver door handle.

"I have to get to work." Twisting it, she was about to leave when Dr. Wyatt stood.

"Your next appointment is Thursday afternoon."

"I'm not sure I'll be there," Emily shot back as she left, slamming the door closed.

.

Emily stopped in front of the resident's lounge, just outside and to the right as streams of orange-clothed residents passed by her. She stayed between the window and the frame, not wanting to be seen. Finally, the last resident entered and she peeked inside. They were like invaders. Parasites. Every nasty thing in biology she ever learned.

She spotted her cubby and still found it empty with relief. Adjusting her bag, she listened in. The brunette just needed a moment to compose herself. She'd go in in a minute.

"Did you hear the Chief hired someone from Mass Gen back for our year?" a feminine voice inquired to another. "They'll be arriving soon. I so want to meet them." Checking her watch, she knew her minute was up. She turned the corner to go in but froze when another, more confident voice continued.

"You'd think they stay after that building collapse. I heard that they lost like three of their own staff. Jackson, wouldn't you know?"

"Me?" She knew that voice. Crap, Jackson was Mercy West. How could she forget? "Nah." She knew he was uncomfortable. "Nope." But at least he was honest. No one knew she was here except the ones she had spoken to. The Chief had regarded her sadly when she came into his office in the wee hours in the morning. First he had offered his condolences. She said she wanted to work. She signed some paperwork and then she was off to Wyatt's.

"And you call yourself an Avery," a masculine voice teased to the laughter of the other two females. "Hey, April." There was a corresponding 'yeah?'. "Who told you that the Chief got someone from Mass Gen?"

"Because there's also a new trauma attending from Boston. He was talking to Dr. Shepherd about a new resident." _I'm gonna be late for rounds,_ Emily sighed internally. Gathering her last strands of courage, she exhaled. Swinging around the corner, she ducked her head and made a beeline for her old cubby which coincidentally, was right beside Jackson's. Taking out her… well, old scrubs, she quickly began changing. Pulling her shirt off her head, she poked her arms through the thinner blue fabric.

"I've never seen her before," she heard Jackson's friend mumbled, "but she got blue scrubs. You think it's one of _them?_ " She nearly snorted at that, changing her pants next.

"Then wouldn't she have come in with the rest?" the first girl pointed out, coming closer. When she was done changing, Emily shoved her bag into the cubby and grabbed her lab coat, running a finger over the stitching. "Hello?" Realizing they were talking to her, she turned around, pushing her notepad and pens into her pockets.

"Emily?" Jackson gaped and she shot him a glance, a half-smile curling her lips. "What the-"

"I came back." she said. "First day, actually."

"You're the Mass Gen hire?" A brunette pushed her way forward, doe-eyed and clutching a red notebook. "I'm April Kepner." They chorused their greetings at her. Charles Percy, Reed Adamson, looking impressed and annoyed respectively. Glancing at the row of cubbies, she frowned when she spotted stuff in George's.

"Yeah, yeah, it was nice to meet you but… who put their stuff in this cubby?" she asked, pushing past them and stopping beside it.

"Not again," Reed managed to mutter and Emily's hollow eyes found hers. "We were told to find a cubby."

"We don't put our bags in this cubby for a reason. Take it out." Identifying Reed as the one who talked about the building collapse, she narrowed her eyes at her. "And as someone who is both new to this hospital and for some reason, thinks they're entitled when they aren't _,_ I think you should listen." Reed and April shared looks before the petite woman reached for her bags and transferred them to another empty cubby. "Thanks. See you in rounds."

.

Down in the E.R., it was hectic. Taylor was just getting himself situated in the environment when she stopped beside him. "Where do you need me?"

"Anywhere at this point. Overflow from Mercy West has all of us on our toes. It's a good day to be back," he added sarcastically and she rolled her eyes, meeting up with Hunt.

"Dr. Hunt, do you need me anywhere?"

"We're down a pair of hands. Grey's still recovering so you'll rotate zones. Help when you can, where you can." Briefly confused, she glanced around. Cristina and Jackson were in the E.R. while Lexie led April somewhere else. Reed was nowhere to be seen.

"Meredith?" The ginger man spared her a glance as he signed the chart.

"You didn't hear… I assumed-"

"Is she alright?" she asked, afraid she'd lost another person.

"Liver transplant. Spare a few minutes there before coming back down. You're one of the best we've got." Relief washed through her as he put away the chart. "We've got zones that the Mercy Westers are putting up."

"Alright, sir." She nodded, already assessing the injuries rolling in past them as Owen took up the first gurney. He spared her a final glance that was full of sympathy.

"Good to have you back,"

With a roll of her eyes, she ran beside him and surged ahead. "Good to be back, sir," she offered in response before going to the elevator. Going to the nurse's station, she got Meredith's room number and came in as a whirlwind of breathlessness and quick questions of what happened.

"Daddy issues. Lexie gave me a big speech about dance recitals and fifth grade graduations so I was basically inclined to save his stupid alcoholic liver," the blonde explained half-heartedly. "Are you alright? I know-"

"Yeah, of course. I'm getting through it." She ran a hand through her short curls. "Are you okay? Incision is good?"

"As good as expected," Meredith rasped. Pouring her some water, she gave it to the woman. "Ah, thanks."

"No problem." Heaving a sigh, she returned back to the door reluctantly, "I've got to do rotation on zones with these Mercy Westers." She wanted to stay with Meredith instead, but she couldn't just ignore her duty. "I'll report back though, okay?"

"You better!" the bed-bound surgeon called as Emily left the room.

.

"Sir, how did you get these burns?" she asked as she turned to the nurse. "Page plastics,"

"Right away, doctor."

"I was kind of setting a prank on my roommate?" he joked and she shook her head in amusement, tending to the burns on his face. "It blew up in my face. Literally - ow!" She had just smeared cream over his burnt face.

"Sorry," she apologized, applying gauze to his face carefully. "We'll get the plastics guy to take a look and then we'll see from there. You're lucky, y'know," she added, examining his hands, "you only have second-degree burns. Your arms might have to have some skin grafts but otherwise, you'll be fine. Now, we wait."

"That's good. Good," he wheezed, lying down against the pillows and she smiled. Turning around on her swivel seat and was met with lips on hers. The force took her by surprise and her head was cupped by another large hand. Recognizing the face in front of her as Mark's, she felt her eyes flutter close.

"You cut your hair," he whispered against her lips. She laughed shakily and wrapped her arms around his neck. The feel of him, his presence, calmed her heart and her mind. He buried his face in her neck and kissed her jaw.

"The first thing you say when I come back," she murmured, the feel of him so achingly familiar that she forgot everything. His smell invaded her senses and he lifted her out of her seat. Pulling back, she kissed him again.

"Yeah because you know everything else," he grumbled, pecking her mouth. "You shaved."

"Like it?" She wrinkled her nose and decided that she did but not as much as him with a stubble. That was her life.

"Not as much as you when you didn't shave. I loved it." Mr. Monroe, the man on the bed, cleared his throat and they broke apart, Mark setting her on the ground and they whirled around. "Yes, that consult. Right."

"Nah, I'm totally cool with the makeout session. Ow,"

"Shut up. You're hurt and he'll fix you up," she retorted and he groaned. "I'll see you soon, okay?" She rubbed his shoulder briefly, kissed Mark one last time before going to the next zone where Lexie was.

.

After a full day of patients and diagnosing and snagging at least one surgery, she dragged herself into the resident's lounge to change quickly before going to Joe's. There were so many people welcoming her back and asking if she was okay. Lexie had been following her as an 'assistant' but she knew better. Dr. Webber was keeping an eye on her just in case. But she welcomed the brunette's company, had missed it back in Boston and they caught up, avoiding the topic of Tom and the incident. She was tired but when she finally saw the door to her haven, she found herself under the crushing weight of death again. She didn't even tell Mark, it wasn't the time. She just came home, how could she?

Plus, her appointment with Dr. Wyatt was emotionally draining. The exhausted brunette wanted to make at least some progress before telling her boyfriend that she was basically messed up and that they were going to have a kid before _it_ happened.

Reaching the room, she came in to see Alex sitting down on the bench. "Hey, Alex." There was no response and she frowned. Grabbing her bag out of the cubby, she changed as quickly as she could into her sweats before walking over to Alex. "Alex?" Tears streamed down his face as he stared at the crisply folded piece of paper in front of him. Inside was neat black writing that she recognized as Izzie's. Peering over, she read it.

 _Dear Alex,_

 _I'm sorry. I had to leave. I couldn't stay here knowing that these Mercy West people were taking over the hospital I love and the people I love are slowly dying one by one. I couldn't stay here knowing that everything doesn't trust me with patients and that you said something to the Chief that got me fired. I basically killed someone today, Alex. So I'm leaving. For the patients' safety and this hospital's reputation. I'm sorry it came this way, I never wanted it like this._

 _With love,_

 _Izzie_

Icy shock settled in her veins and Emily glanced at Alex. "Izzie left me," he said hoarsely as if he couldn't believe it. "I don't know whether she's coming back."

"Alex…" She rubbed circles with the flat of her hand on his shoulder blade and leaned towards him. The man laughed bitterly, flapping the sheet of paper and looking at his friend with no light or mirth.

"She just left." Turning towards her, he looked at the space between them. Hugging him tightly she rubbed his back. His arms didn't move, just clutched onto that piece of paper that changed his life forever. "I don't - I don't know what - what do I even do?"

"Come on, let's go see Mer." He stood as if running on instructions like a robot and pulled on his scrub top over his muscle shirt. Urging him up, she held his hand with a strong grip as she led the way to Meredith's room.

.

When Emily finally got to the apartment across the street, she was hand-in-hand with Mark who was tugging along her luggage she picked up from the Archfield. They reached the apartment door and she offered to unlock it.

"Hey," her boyfriend prompted and she looked up from where she was fishing out her spare keys from her bag. "Noah told me what happened and I… I need to know if I can help. If you need to tell me anything or… or you want to just stay here and not work, I can arrange something-" Holding up a hand, she successfully got her keys out.

"I'm already seeing Dr. Wyatt. The shrink," she clarified and he nodded, "and working is the only thing keeping me sane at this point. Tom," her breath was drawn away at his name, "Tom's gone. I know that. Just - I - I'll tell you whatever I can," he just looked so happy to see she was okay. But she wasn't. She felt broken.

"Okay," he whispered, pressing a kiss to her temple as she unlocked the door. "I'm glad you're home, permanently."

"I am too," she breathed, looking around the place. It was still the same, a few knick knacks moved to others but otherwise, the same. Turning around, she helped him haul her stuff towards their room and before she could do anything else, settled on the bed and immediately blacked out.

 **A/N: Edited October 19, 2018**

 **Next: I saw what I saw.**


	39. I Saw What I Saw

_But for so many of us, sleep seems out of our grasp._

 _-Meredith Grey_

* * *

April Kepner was gone within the hour. She had just seen the brunette disappear from the doorway and had just part ways with Taylor who had ended the day with messy hair and blood-splattered skin. He had explained that he spent the day bolstering Lexie Grey's confidence when a hard case came in. "Lexie? You're interested in her?" It had brought a genuine smile to her face when Taylor blushed. "Isn't that cute?"

"Shut up."

"No, seriously. I think it'd be really cute," she insisted and he shoved her away with a snort.

"Don't you have an appointment with Dr. Wyatt tomorrow morning?" Immediately, the mood became somber. He had chosen the wrong topic to switch to. Looking down at her shoes, she nodded. "Then go get some sleep. In your own bed. You've been at the hospital for the whole week."

"Okay." It was unsettling how swiftly the woman's smile faded from her face and how her posture seemed to sag. Taylor couldn't bare to see it. Her eyes flickered up to meet his and he put on a smile, throwing his head in the direction of the resident's lounge. Walking past him, she had this resigned mask that schooled her features into one of neutral anger. Her mouth twitched into a frown and her eyebrows knitted together as she shoved her hands in her pockets.

.

 _Rebecca and Hunter screamed as Tom huddled around them. His eyes peeked over his shoulder as Emily told him to go. He shook his head, sending the children on their way before turning around and helping her carry the man._

 _The metal groaned and concrete cracked as spider webs of cracks spread across the floor, faster and faster. The ground split between her hands and there was a loud crumbling crash as stone and dust rained on her face. The floor tore apart underneath her and she found herself floating in the air. Suspended, she was transported to a black realm as bodies fell all around her. Crawling to the nearest two, she felt her heart slam to a stop when they were both Tom. All of them were Tom. Curling into a ball, she closed her eyes and tried to block it out as the cacophony of metal and rock_

 _Something slammed into her side and she spat out blood. She was so_ tired. _Everything was slower as Tom slowly disintegrated until nothing was left and she collapsed, lying on the cold floor._ He was gone again, _was the only thought echoing in her mind. Emily couldn't take the loss again. Not when the facade she had put up was slowly cracking…_

 _But something wouldn't let her die. The earth seemed to quake, shaking with unmatched strength until-_

"Emily!" She woke up with a start, slapping off whoever was shaking her. Her face drenched in sweat, she opened her eyes and saw Mark nursing a red mark on his face. He was in his scrubs, all ready for work. She realized then that she was in an on-call room. She had crashed here last night.

Groaning, she realized what had happened. She wanted to prevent Mark from waking up and had resorted to sleeping on the bed she was in now. Except obviously it didn't work and he found her. "What?"

"Are you okay?" he asked in concern, removing the hand he had pressed to his cheek. With guilt, she saw the red slap mark she had given him. "You seemed to be having a bad dream." She sat up and he rubbed a thumb over her cheek, collecting tears she didn't know were there until he did so, "and you're crying." The stinging sensation had yet to leave her eyes as she rubbed them. Sniffing, she rubbed the crick in her neck.

"Yeah." Her voice shook. "I'm okay. It was just bad memories." Getting up, she grabbed her lab coat as Mark kissed her temple, following after her. "I'm going to shower, okay?"

"Yeah. I love you." The other didn't reply as she left; either she didn't hear him or she didn't have enough energy to respond.

.

Taylor rested his head against the wall, eyes lingering on Lexie as she closed her eyes for a moment. It was a bad day for her and he frowned. He had suggested a different case, even offered Emily to take her place for Sloan but the woman refused. Hunt paced up and down between the chairs before returning to where Derek and Mark stood. Emily's knees were bent, her arms resting on them and her hands clasped between them as they waited for the Chief to come out. She sat on the other side of the door, the one closer to her friends as Reed spoke first.

"Someone's getting fired." The comment was said in a frank manner, as if the truth but the tone it held suggested it would be one of the Seattle Grace people. April shook her head slightly, gazing at the floor in front of her.

"Stop it."

"She wasn't even my patient," Charles remarked and Cristina raised her head from where it rested against her first.

"What?"

"Nothing," he snorted, glaring back at her as the two held a stare down. Breathing deeply, Emily leaned back against the wall. Lexie sent her a worried glance and she shook her head. The older brunette glanced up at Taylor who was sitting near the end of the hall with the other attendings.

"How long is this gonna take?" complained Alex and Emily shot him a look before glancing at the pocket that held his phone. He nodded; Izzie called him today. He had no time to lose. But Jackson didn't know the full story and the beginnings of a smirk showed, sending a smart-ass remark without missing a beat.

"Why, you need to make a phone call?" His friend beside him snickered, concealing his smile by looking down but they all heard it in the silence of the night. There was a long pause where no one moved. Emily caught Jackson's gaze. Before she could say anything, Alex lunged forward. He was on the man in two seconds, holding him down as Taylor sprung up, trying to wrench him , Mark, and Hunt tried to rip them apart. Emily pushed past everyone, standing between the two and trying to shove them apart. Mark saw what she was doing and pushed a hand against Charlie - who had stood up to defend his friend - and Alex, keeping them an arm's distance apart.

It was chaos. Cristina and Reed barking at each other while April exchanged blows with Lexie. Derek wrapped his arms around Alex, successfully holding him to the wall while Mark and Hunt held onto Jackson. They kept lunging at each other but they were barred by the attendings. Emily felt her head pulse at the commotion, pushing the two fighters away again as the Chief left the office. Twisting Jackson's arm around to keep him from fighting she shoved him into the chairs as Dr. Webber exited the conference room.

"That's enough!" When they didn't obey, he yelled again, "I said that's enough! What happened tonight - what happened to that patient, was inexcusable. And we're gonna be here till I find out who's responsible for it." By now, everyone was subdued and no one could look each other in the eye except the ones who were mediators. Emily let go of Jackson's wrist and he shook it out with a half-hearted glare. "So until then, you will sit down, you will shut up and you'll wait to be called." They did so. Jackson rolled his shoulder while Alex pulled his shirt down. "Hunt, Jacks." They were both red-faced as Taylor and Owen brushed past them all to follow the Chief. The blond man rested a hand on Lexie's shoulder briefly before she sat down as Cristina stood up to share brief words with her boyfriend.

Deciding to stand beside Mark, she followed him down the hall and he wrapped arms around her shoulders, clasping them to hold her tightly. She rested her ear against his chest, feeling the beats of her heart and his, slim arms slithering around his waist. "Someone's going to go down for this,"

"I know," he murmured, kissing her hair. She pulled back, resorting to just leaning against the nurse's station as Mark continued pain back and forth, replaying the night in his head. Glancing down the hall, Emily spotted Adamson staring and the two didn't break away until the Mercy Wester broke it off. Emily sighed, slouching against the counter as Mark came to stood beside her, holding her hand.

An unsettling silence befell them all.

.

"We were flooded with a mass casualty. There was a hotel fire. Half a dozen burn victims, a fireman with multiple traumas and a man with a penetrating chest wound," Taylor recited as he shared uneasy looks between the three figureheads in front of him. The blond looked at his clasped hands uncomfortably when he was done. The lightning cracked and flashed behind the him as the rain pelted the windows.

"What doctors were working?"

Yang, Grey, Karev, Adamson, that big kid whose name I don't know, uh, Kepner, Avery, Moore, and Torres."

.

"I was on-call that night. Dr. Jacks was with Evan Lang and Dr. Robbins. Dr. Sloan was also on that case." She grimaced. She had yet to properly meet the woman who had captured Callie's heart. "After Dr. Grey debrided and wrapped the wound, I checked up on the mom because a few cases were still going coming. Then, I left Mrs. Becker because her vitals were stable to take on the new burn patient who I took to the O.R. immediately after examining him."

"And you flew solo?"

"Yes, sir. The patient came out alive, and stable."

.

Emily laid beside Alex, squishing the red ball between her fingers as the nurse tied the tourniquet around her bicep. Her friend was on the phone with Izzie's mom as she waited patiently for him to tell her what happened. Jackson and Charles were on the other side of the room, talking and she eavesdropped without meaning to. The nurse helping told her to lie down and she did so, still hearing them clearly.

"I lost a patient."

"That's bad, dude. How'd he die?"

"No, I lost her. Parked her in a hallway, went to get her labs, couldn't find the hallway. Of course, no one would help me."

"Yeah, don't even ask for help. These Seattle Grace people are kinda douchey." Her head snapped up. She glared at Jackson's back as the nurse poured an disinfectant onto a patch of gauze. She knew Jackson. They hadn't talked much but still, he knew her and she knew him.

"No need to keep your voice down," she called frigidly. Glancing back, Jackson spotted her and Alex, a guilty look on his face. Rolling her eyes, she looked away and watched the nurse work.

"Case in point," Charles remarked and Jackson popped a chip in his mouth.

"Moore's nice if you get to know her but I agree. Karev's a douche."

"Nice, huh." He sounded skeptical but Jackson pursued his point.

"She is." Their pagers began beeping and Emily checked it, stopping the nurse from her work.

"Sorry, mass casualty in the E.R." The brunette explained, getting up and placing the red plastic ball back on the tray. Jackson and Alex got up as well and she walked faster, shoving past Jackson meaningfully as they reached the elevator. The whole ride was silent, awkward as Alex glowered at nothing and Emily waited by the elevator door, finger tapping against the shiny surface.

Then, the doors opened and they parted ways.

.

Emily tied up her hair when she reached the E.R. Spotting Mark enter a trauma room, she looked at the mom. She seemed perfectly fine as she passed. Reed was just finishing with her boy as Lexie went for the room Mark had gone into. Glancing over, she saw Taylor pulling Lexie aside and wiping something underneath her nose. They talked for a while before Emily pulled her focus away and back to the mother. Smiling, she looked at her vitals. "Has a doctor seen you yet?"

"Yeah." The woman smiled, looking around for her doctor. "Dr. Kepner was her name, I think. She said it was all good. And her-" she pointed at Reed- "she said my baby was all right." Mrs. Becker's chart looked normal. Nodding, she put it back down.

"All right. Just tell anyone if you're experiencing any pain, okay?" Agreeing, the woman kissed her boy's hair. Emily noted how easy and fond the gesture was and wondered _what if_ for a split moment before continuing on. There were more people to save. Pulling the partition around, she turned around and helped another patient onward as the paramedics wheeled them in.

"Carter Hinton, thirty-three, jumped out the third floor window to escape the fire. Major burns to the chest, arms and torso and a left tib-fib fracture. Chest contusions and coded twice in the field."

"Bed four." The dark-skinned man was shivering as they rolled him into the space. "Lift on my count. One, two, three. Good. Okay, I'm Dr. Moore and I'll be helping you feel better, alright?" He nodded shakily with tears as she pulled back the gauze. He screamed and Emily grimaced, pulling it off as gently as she could. He whimpered when she began wrapping it again and checked his chest and other arm. HIs arms were deep second-degree while his chest was a third. With a slight shake of her head, she raised the bed rails and asked for some help before pulling the bed along towards the elevator.

"Page plastics, cardio and ortho, he needs an O.R. now."

.

"So you didn't see Dr. Karev perform a chest tube."

"No, I didn't. I was just finishing up the surgery when I went down back to the E.R. My patient was stable so I knew I could leave when I saw all the residents in the trauma room."

"So you were never there."

"Not until time of death. I checked her chart once and she said that Dr. Kepner had performed her initial exam before we parted ways."

"Dr. Kepner?" Nodding, Emily met eyes with the Chief.

"Yes, sir."

.

"Somebody call it." She came into the trauma room as Derek looked around for an answer. "Whose patient is this? Whose patient is she?" Her eyes narrowed at the blood streaming from Mrs. Becker's nostrils and neck. There was so much blood, more in the bed and on the floor instead of her body. The monitors emitted a flat tone and Cristina switched it off as April backed away. Emily glanced at Alex, his face sweaty before looking at the floor. "Time of death is 12:45 AM."

.

"Come on," Mark prompted and she looked down beside her. The man was looking at her, fingers tracing absent shapes on her side. The pillow she was hugging had warmed by now, losing its cold touch minutes ago. "You've been awake all night."

"No, I haven't," she denied. His hand skimmed to her bare thigh, resting there and warming up her skin. He just stared but she didn't give up. "I was just… thirsty. I need to get a drink."

"Uh huh," he drawled, pushing himself up. Scooting closer towards her, he positioned himself so she could lie down against him. His toned arms rested on her shoulders for a second as he kissed her neck before wrapping around her neck in a hug. Her legs tangled with his as she reached up to hold onto his arms, turning slightly so she could kiss him fully. "Tell me what happened," he murmured, his forehead meeting hers as she closed her eyes.

Blatantly lying, she responded with a quick, "Nothing," and he sighed against her cheek when she turned back around. "Go to sleep. You have surgeries tomorrow."

"I will if you will," he promised and she acquiesced. The moonlight bathed their skins in silver as they broke apart for a few seconds to situate themselves in a more comfortable sleeping position. Resting on her left side, she stared at the wall as he shifted closer, leg slipping between hers. Her back pressed against his bare chest as he kissed her neck and rubbed the plane of her shoulder back and forth.

"I love you, Mark." Her voice cracked and he kissed her jaw before holding her tighter.

"I'm not letting go, jailbait." She smiled for the first time in weeks when she heard that. "I promise."

 **A/N: Edited - October 19, 2018**

 **Next: Arizona Robbins and a camping trip.**


	40. Camping

_The trick with any kind of wound or disease, is to dig down and find the real source of the injury. And once you've found it… try like hell to heal that sucker._

 _-Meredith Grey_

* * *

"Arizona Robbins, peds." Emily raised her eyes to look at the perky blonde. "You're on my service today." She raised her eyebrows, gaze switching between Callie and Arizona. The ortho attending pressed her fingers into her cheeks and immediately Emily smiled, understanding the gesture. The ortho surgeon gave a thumbs up as they began walking to the elevator.

"Uh, yeah, I am."

"Great! Callie's told me so much about you and I know we're gonna be awesome friends." Arizona beamed and Emily followed after her as Callie patted her student on the back. "I'm an awesome friend."

"Oh, yay," she cheered in fake enthusiasm as they boarded the elevator without the Latina. When the elevator doors finally closed, Emily jabbed her finger on the fourth floor button for the peds wing. Standing by the buttons silently, she crossed her arms and leaned against the wall as Arizona shot her glances.

"Y'know, when my brother died, I ate donuts. They made me feel better - didn't exactly fill a hole inside me that my brother left but it helped." She looked up at the perky blonde. The brunette couldn't bear to imagine what losing Noah would feel like. "A lot of people are telling you to take time off," she continued knowingly. Emily looked away again, focusing on the orange light on the second level. They just passed it when it dinged. "Callie's worried about you and it's for a good reason. I get that. You lost your best friend if what Callie says is true. And I know that most would break down. They'd just be gone. They'd be crying. But there're always gonna be those people like you." She had two pure blue eyes that smiled at her. "People who put on a brave face and just work because that's what they do."

"It's not a brave face."

"If it gets you through this, then do it," she added as if Emily never spoke. "Whatever will keep you going. But don't lie to seem stronger. I know from experience." She nodded along to her own words. "You're stronger when you stop dismissing your problems and face them head on."

"The first step is to admit you have a problem." Arizona nodded, a smile on her face again. "I know that. It's just hard and if I can't even talk to my boyfriend about them, how can I even talk my shrink - who I'm being forced to go to - about them?"

"You're just being stubborn." It was annoying how happy she was. "But people are just trying to help. And if you stop being strong for just one second, you'd realize that too."

"Are you suggesting I'm supposed to turn to you?" the brunette snorted, crossing her arms.

"If you want to." Her smile softened and Emily's heart wilted at how solemn it seemed. "But there are others around here, in this hospital. You just have to look for them. A lot of people care about you, Dr. Moore." Her smile faltered completely and she looked down at the floor for a second before flickering back up to Emily's hazel eyes, "Some day, you'll crack, just like I did and you can be damn sure that people'll be there to put you together again. Dr. Sloan loves you, a lot. I don't know him very well, but you should trust him." Arizona's smile widened into a full, bright grin that caused dimples and light and sunshine. The doors opened to reveal Alex waiting for them. "Come on, we have rounds." she prompted as if their elevator conversation never happened at all.

.

"How was your day today?" Emily asked, a slight smile on her face as she entered Dr. Wyatt's office. The psychiatrist turned around, surprised.

"I didn't think you'd show," her doctor said bluntly.

"I didn't think I would either," she confessed, dropping the act and settling on the couch. The older woman turned around in her chair, her notebook at the ready. "But today I was on peds." She pulled at her fingers, crossing one leg over the other as she looked down at her task. "It was fun - Arizona makes it fun. She plays games with the kids and it's fun." Dr. Wyatt raised an eyebrow. "I don't even remember the last time I've had that much fun. And it made me happy. I haven't felt happy in a long while."

"Since before the building collapse, I assume."

"Yeah." She nodded.

"Can we talk about Tom, then?" Another nod, more hesitant than the first. "What was he like?"

"He was a funny and friendly guy. Everyone liked him, especially the kids. That's why he loved specialty. Big surgeries on little people, plus kids are pretty adorable most of the time."

"Then are you willing to share what your friendship was like?"

"Honest, fun," the brunette murmured. "We trusted each other a lot and tried so many new things. I remember actually—" a genuine laugh burst from her chest— "there was this time he decided to camp. We had a few days off so he wanted to camp, the five of us."

"And?"

"It was actually so much fun and, uh, it's where Tom revealed my nickname he gave me for the first week I was in Boston. He used to call me Ravioli."

"Ravioli?"

"Yeah, because I'm half-Italian."

"Can we talk about it? The camping trip." She debated on whether or not before deciding that, yes, they could. Although it hurt, it made her want to relive it. It was one of the best moments of her life.

"Yeah. During that trip, I realized I wanted him to be in my life forever. You just meet these people and you realize that they're going to be important. That they'll be one of those people who'll always leave a mark that can never heal."

.

"Why do we have to hike? That's what I don't understand," Matthew grumbled as he trod beside Emily. He stabbed the walking stick into the ground to help him along as they tried to reach the site. "Why couldn't we just drive to the campsite?"

"Where's the fun in that, Matt?" Davin jested a few paces ahead of them. His ginger hair glowed brilliantly in the sun as they continued up the hill. Up a few metres was Ella and Tom, exchanging kisses every once and awhile.

"I'm ruining my shoes,"

"That's why you choose hiking boots instead of just sneakers."

"I'm sorry," Matthew snapped, his foot smushing against mud, "that this is my first time hiking." Emily rubbed his shoulder comfortingly as Tom turned around. Davin had a slight smirk on his face as he shot a wisecrack at his best friend.

"It's just common sense, really."

"Davin-" Matthew began to say, his face turning slightly red as Emily kicked a rock.

"We're almost there. Just past this hill," Tom cut in. He hefted the camping bag he had up before holding out his hand for Ella. Taking it, the blonde pulled her boyfriend up the hill as Davin groaned. Ducking his head, he climbed up after them. They climbed up a few rocks as Matthew shoved his stuff up before climbing. Reaching down, he offered a hand. Taking it, she pushed up against the hard rock and huffed a quick thanks.

"No problem. If Tom wants to kill us, he'll have to try a hell of a lot harder." Laughing, they continued onwards, the only sound being the rustling of leaves and the rhythmic thump of his walking stick.

"Right. Like my legs aren't burning right now. I think I'm going to pass out."

"Shit, here have some water."

Finally, the ascending degree lessened and they reached the flat at the top. The sun was barely beginning to set as Emily shed off her camping pack, feeling her back sing at the relief. Tom had done the same, eating a ration as he walked to the edge of the cliff. The stable overhang was the perfect place to watch the sun set. Settling down, he crossed his legs and just watched as Ella sat on a stump farther away. Her fear of heights didn't make her a big fan and she called out a worried warning. The others broke out snacks for dinner instead, not worrying about the dangerous duo.

"Be careful! I don't want to have to go down to find you!"

Tom waved it off as Emily took out a pre-washed apple, biting into it. The flavors exploded into her mouth that had been washed with too much water to recognize flavor. Sighing, a little bit of juice dribbled down her chin and she wiped at it as she sat beside him. Eating it quickly, she nibbled on the peel. The sun's dying rays warmed her skin as well as the rock's smooth surface. Dangling her legs over the edge, she swung them as the sun began to set.

"Everything's so beautiful," she breathed. And it was. The trees were at their highest and most vibrant green. Everything was bathed in gold as violet tones stained the sky and Emily swore she had never seen anything so _amazing,_ so _perfect._ There was even a lake in the distance, sparkling under the sun. It was the most brilliant shade of blue she'd ever seen. Neither of them talked, not wanting to disturb the peace. They just watched as the sun set, disappearing across the horizon.

"Wow," Matthew whispered when only a few traces of orange and lilac still crossed the sky. The stars were just coming out when Ella stood, knees making clicking noises from the sudden movement.

"Yeah," Tom sighed, getting up. "I guess it's time to set up camp."

"You mean we're here?" Emily asked excitedly, jumping up and running to her camping bag. The brunet nodded with a laugh as Davin scraped together some flint and sticks and stones, starting a small fire.

"Yep." Ella grinned although it was strained from exhaustion. She was already unrolling her tent that she'd share with Tom as he took out their sleeping bags. "Come on, Tom," she addressed her boyfriend who was still standing on the edge. He watched the stars but snapped out of his daze when she called his name. "I need some help,"

"Of course."

There were only three tents between the five of them. Emily and Matthew both struggled putting up theirs while Davin had his up with practiced precision. "Not everyone's a camp God, Davin," Matthew snorted as he finally managed to get the pole up right. Immediately, it looked more like a tent than a lump of tarp. Emily crawled in, straightening out their sleeping bags for maximum space.

"Well, not everyone's a cardio God so I guess we're even," the ginger had replied as he hung up their food. Pulling the rope harder, he made sure animals couldn't reach it before tying it around the trunk of a tree. "Emily, you need some help over there?" He called as Emily tumbled out of the tent.

"I meant to do that."

Matthew was just pulling down the pegs as she stood up and dusted herself off. The man laughed and she shot him a look to shut up. Grabbing her tent mate's pack, she carried it over to their blue home before doing the same for hers.

"Yeah. I also mean to just roll around in my tent before falling on my face in the dirt," Davin replied snippily, ducking into his tent briefly before reappearing with a flashlight. Shining it on their tent, he shook his head at Matthew's work. "You're doing it all wrong, Matt!"

"Well, I think it's pretty good for a first go." Tom and Ella just watched them with amusement as they took turns using a stick to poke at the fire. "I'd like to see you do better."

"Fine. Your first try was better than mine," Davin conceded before a smirk appeared, "but that might be because I was thirteen when I did it."

"Seriously?" Emily asked with a smile. She joined the couple by the fire, warming her hands.

"Fuck off, Davin. And I call you my best friend."

"I wouldn't be your best friend if you knew how to take care of yourself. Who knows how many times I've saved your ass."

"Do you want to die?"

"Calm down, children,"

"Shove off, Tom," they both snapped but sat together beside Emily. They ribbed each other once in awhile, sharing a smile when Ella rolled her eyes.

"That's quite rude," Tom sniffed in fake offence, stoking the fire as embers flicked a few feet away. "As the man who led you out here, I can easily leave you here so you can never return to civilization ever again. You'll probably rot out here, wasting away as the forest men of the Boston wilds."

"That'd be terrible," gasped Emily in faux horror. Tom held out a finger, waiting for silence.

"But, I'll forgive you if you'll tell a good ghost story."

Davin and Matthew looked at each other before smiling. "Deal."

.

Emily woke up with a start. It was still dark out, only a few stray rays of the moon catching between the leaves. But there was still that faint rustle, that shift of leaves that caught her ear because the night was completely and totally silent. So she got up, despite how goddamn cold it was out and wrapped herself in her thick jacket. Her YSL was back home, too precious to be brought out here. Her socks were still on so she just slipped on her boots and walked outside.

The moon was bright, perfectly round as it rested on the edge of the trees. It reflected on the lake in the distance, waves she could see from even there gently rippling the surface. Stars littered the sky, most silver, the rare blue or red one here and there. But that wasn't why she came out here. As beautiful, as serene and tranquil this was, it wasn't why she got up. So she looked around, searching for the person she knew must be awake. Ella rarely woke up when she was in the middle of her slumber, Matthew was beside her in the tent and Davin's snoring - well, that just spoke for itself.

So she found herself sitting on the flat piece of rock she was sitting on just hours before as Tom drew his knees to his chest. He was wearing a thick jacket, the fur rim of his hood hiding his face. There wasn't another single noise except for their quiet breaths against the cold, frigid air. She crossed her legs and placed her hands in her lap, waiting.

"What's up?" she finally said and he gazed at her, a mixture of surprise and exhaustion behind those clear brown eyes.

"Nothing, I'm just really tired," he said in a way that didn't suggest lack of sleep. He offered no other explanation but she wrapped an arm around his neck and gently pushed his head towards her. He shifted so he lied down on the cooled rock. Despite the deadly edge to his left, he lounged and stretched as if he were at home. His head rested on her lap and she straightened her legs, letting them overhang again like earlier that day.

"Tom, you can tell me," she murmured, eyes flickering from his gaze to the moonlight. There was a conflicted look on his face as he stayed silent. "I'm your best friend, am I not?" She meant it as teasing but it made him seem more sure and he sat up, facing her.

"Guess so." Sighing, he looked up at her, "That actually leads to my point. I've been thinking..."

"About?" she prompted.

"About the future. About me, about you, about all of us."

"Woah, there, cowboy. Let's not get philosophical," she teased but his lips didn't twitch into his smile. Falling silent, she waited for him to continue.

"I'm serious. I… I love Ella. I do. I feel like she's the love of my life, y'know?" She did. It was how she felt about Mark. Touching the silver necklace underneath her thick layers, she smiled softly. "I can imagine all five of us eighty years from now, still trying to pick up a scalpel. That's the one thing I know. We're surgical junkies. We'd never give _this_ up."

"And what you don't know?" she prompted.

"I don't know if Ella will still be with me. I don't even know if we'll be married or if we're going to have kids or if… we'll be separated. I don't even know if she'll be alive. I don't know if you'll be alive, if I'll be alive." The thought made Tom look hopeless and Emily rubbed his arm sympathetically. "I've always planned my life out. Get a spot in the residency, meet a nice girl, get married, maybe have a few kids. I never counted on meeting Ravioli."

"Ravioli?"

"You. You are Ravioli." At her offended look, he shrugged. "I like ravioli and you're half-Italian.

"What's wrong with my name?"

"Nothing. It's just what I used to call you in your first week of Boston behind your back. The others never knew your name," he explained at her confusion. Shaking himself, he pulled back his hood. The wind was getting warmer, preparing for morning. "Whatever. Let me get back to my point." Giggling, she nodded and waited for him to remember as he recollected his thoughts. "I just never counted on you, okay?"

"I don't follow. I mean, I do kind of, but I don't."

"The point is, you're the sister I never knew I wanted and I want you to be in my life eighty years from now." Her eyes widened. Here a man was, one she loved dearly not unlike how she loved her brother, wanting to be her best friend throughout her entire life. Not many people were like that. They came and go, knowing their place in another's life but this guy, this stupid guy wanted a lifetime of her. He just wanted his best friend. His _sister._ "I want to stitch you into my plans. Ella is the love of my life but you are my soulmate and I want to stitch you in. If you'll let me."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously. You're like… a force of nature that has been the one constant in my life. Even when Ella's going through her moods or I've had a hard day, you're always just _there._ You know how I feel, what my next moves are, it's like you're me but with a vagina." Again, she laughed and nudged him with her shoulder. He beamed, his own laughs loud and hearty. She was sure anyone by the lake could hear it.

"And you're like another brother. _My brother,_ " She assured quietly, holding onto his hand. It was warm compared to the cold air. "I love you, Tom. You know that, right? You never have to ask me if you can stitch me into your life plan."

"It's nice to get it out," he breathed before puffing out a gust of air. Wrapping an arm around her shoulders, he brought her closer and kissed her temple. "And yeah, I know 'cause I love you too. Besides, I can't exactly love you and not have you as my best man."

"Who else could do the job?"

"True." They glanced at each other before bursting into laughs. They laughed at the complete outrageousness of it. Here they were losing sleep because their best friend was having too much trouble _admitting_ that they were brother and sister.

She laughed harder at the thought of her in a suit beside him and the image of them still bickering and joking in a care home.

Then he laughed just as hard. Laughed that she was open to it, laughed because he was so damn grateful he had met her. That they'd taken this camping trip, that she was _his_ best man.

"You know, if you died, it'd probably kill me too," she finally said after her laughs faded. Tom snorted, hugging her tightly as the moon slowly sank, finally ready to disappear.

"Then you're lucky. I'm not planning on going anywhere any time soon."

.

"It's more ironic when I think about it," Emily finished. "He just left too soon. Way too soon." Dr. Wyatt leaned forward, thinking as her blue eyes peered at her patient.

"So you and Tom were like brother and sister. Didn't Ella mind?" Immediately, the smile failed to reappear. The only memory resonating in her mind was that of when she yelled at the blonde. Six days after her husband died, Emily yelled at her. God… now she felt like a piece of shit.

"Uh, no. She didn't. She knew where she stood and she was secure. Her and Tom had already been together ever since their last year of med so she didn't mind."

"Sounds like a rare kind of woman," her doctor remarked and Emily nodded, not really hearing it.

"Yeah. She is."

"But I hardly believe she's the same as she was then. Her husband died and I'm sure she has to place blame somewhere. Just as you are."

"She's blaming me, just as I do," she scoffed, "I did have a phobia for tall ass buildings for a while." She remembered how she didn't go near any skyscrapers or work complexes for a week. "Who could I blame? The builders? It was a structurally sound building. The only person I can really blame is the person who decided that fixing the base wasn't important. And that's the landlord who is dead." She had learned of that upon arriving at the hospital. He was D.O.A. "And me."

"Why do you blame yourself?" Dr. Wyatt asked, probing. Emily didn't reply, crossing her arms and looking into the fishtank. Her doctor closed her notebook before sighing, "Why does there even have to be blame at all?"

"I never meant for it to happen. I wanted to go into the building."

"But he could have chosen not to," Dr. Wyatt said.

"But-"

"No matter what happened, Tom would have stood up against you if he disagreed. You know that." Emily faltered, staring at her hands in her lap.

"I just want to be okay again," she whispered and Dr. Wyatt put her notebook on her desk before leaning forward again.

"Emily, you won't be okay. That's the thing about grief." Her doctor appeared sympathetic, sad even and Emily looked at her, straight in the eye. Her eyes were glassy as Dr. Wyatt continued, "It'll never be okay. One day, maybe it'll hurt a little bit less. Maybe it won't. But one thing it will never be is okay."

"I thought I was fine," Emily avowed, "because everyone turned to me after Tom died. They gave me space but they still turned to me. Because I was good under pressure. I _am_ good when chaos is around me. So I had to be the support system. I was the one who carried a team. You know nurse quiet, after the building collapse. Some people quit."

"But you can't help everyone. Not when you aren't stable. And you are not fine."

"I'm not," she agreed. "You know, I was just angry all the time even though I wanted to help. I'd give _anything_ to bring him back."

"Even your life for his?"

"Yeah."

"That's stupid," her doctor said frankly, "Fate just happened to cut his life short. You couldn't have changed it-"

"But I could've. If I didn't go in-" she sighed, rubbing the bridge of her nose. "I feel like I have to live up to Tom's name, make him proud in heaven in some way. Make it up to him."

"Make what up to him?" Her psychiatrist pressed and Emily shrugged. "You feel like you owe something to Tom."

"I do. I… don't know what I owe him but I know he wouldn't be proud of me for yelling at his wife. For us hating each other."

"You yelled at Ella?"

"I did."

"And why was that?"

Guiltily, she explained, "Because I came back to work sooner than her. Despite…" she broke off that sentence, "Because I was already doing surgeries and working and not grieving."

"But that's what she thought," the woman remarked. "I'm sure she wasn't right."

"She was, in a way. I didn't let myself feel it. I was - I am angry, all the time."

"Are you, though? For what?" Dr. Wyatt asked and Emily uncrossed and recrossed her legs. She contemplated her answer, thinking carefully.

"I am, still. I just couldn't save him. I guess I'm tired too. Tired of keeping secrets, tired of people asking if I'm okay. I'm tired of being angry, all the time. Hating myself is so exhausting and I wish I could stop but it's like my head keeps saying things and I can't block it oout." She rubbed at her eyes, "I can't sleep." Swallowing, she continued on, "I dream of Tom all the time. He always - I relive his death. He haunts me."

"You need to let go."

"Easier said than done," Emily whispered. Dr. Wyatt asked about the secrets again and the brunette shook her head. "I can't tell." She knew the woman was waiting for an explanation. "Because if I did it'd break everything. What happened in that building - only two people know and one of them is dead. The other one is sitting here, and I don't want to talk anymore."

"But perhaps another time." Dr. Wyatt knew when not to push and the surgeon was close to breaking down and closing off.

"Perhaps another time."

 **A/N: Edited - October 20, 2018**

 **Next:** **Ella's in Seattle with a box, Isaac's spinal cord tumor and Emily reads through his letters.**


	41. The Box

_Grief comes in its own time for everyone, in its own way._

 _-Miranda Bailey_

* * *

When Emily had left Boston, she had never looked back. She thought of them often, sure, but she never made a single move to contact them. There was no telling how they were and she didn't ever bother to ask because it only brought up memories. Plagued memories that hurt too much now.

But Dr. Wyatt was helping, she'd give her that. It had been another week of therapy and they had just discussed Boston after a lot of pushing. What her relationship with the attendings were, how good she was, how her brother was doing. The edge didn't dull but talking was easier. Living was easier. So she got careless. She left the psychiatrist's office and right into Alex.

"Dude, you're seeing a shrink?" he quipped first but then realized that she had a good session. _She's broken,_ he realized quietly. There were only so many women in his life that cared about him. He wasn't going to let his smart mouth drive away one of them. "And it works."

"Yeah, it does I guess," she mumbled, rubbing the back of her neck as he sighed. "We haven't had a drink in a while." It was a quiet proposal, one made out of pure nostalgia. To the pre-Boston days. Back when their biggest problem was if being a good doctor and stupid romance. Back when they were much younger - when they weren't married and full of self hatred.

"We haven't," he agreed and they were off to drinks with Joe's. Then they sat at the bar, Joe serving them their regulars. Her brandy ran down her throat smoothly and she relished the feel of it. The last drink she had was… was so long ago. She had been pregnant so she couldn't drink. "You okay?"

The brunette realized he asked her something before but didn't hear it as she nursed her drink. Taking another sip, she set it down and cradled the glass. She could just barely see her reflection in the amber liquid. "No," she said truthfully and tilted her head to look at her friend. He took a swig of his beer and asked for another, a storm brewing on his face. "I take it Izzie didn't call back."

"Yeah," he snorted, finishing his first beer and beginning the second. "She's a crappy wife," Emily didn't say anything against or for the point, only finished her brandy and slamming the glass on the bar.

"You never talked about what happened," Alex suddenly said bluntly. He was holding his liquor well - two beers wasn't even that much - when he asked and she glanced at him.

"For good reason."

"You aren't the same person I remember."

"I think so, too."

"So this Tom guy." She was surprised he remembered his name. Then again, he probably heard the gossip of the hospital. "You really liked him?"

"Yeah," she whispered, thanking Joe quietly when he poured her another drink. "And he's gone."

"Like Izzie," he pointed out and she agreed. Not exactly, but the marks are the same.

"Two birds of a feather,"

"Life's crap, but that's nothing new."

"Cheers to that." Their glasses clinked and alcohol filled empty stomachs and shattered hearts.

.

Ella walked up to the reception, asking the nurse as politely as possible, "I'm looking for Dr. Moore. Is she on call right now?" Adjusting her grip on the box, she waited patiently.

"Um…" the nurse seemed nervous at the mention of the brunette doctor. She searched up the name on the computer, waiting for the system to load as said doctor came around the corner. She was with Mark as he told her about a surgery he had performed earlier on a trauma patient.

"That's really cool," she told him truthfully and it was but it lacked the enthusiasm she normally harbored for such tales. He sighed, kissing her temple and wrapping an arm around her shoulders. Holding onto the hand that rested on her shoulder, she apologized.

"It's okay," he lied although it wasn't. They both knew it wasn't. The life seemed to be suck out of her and her eyes didn't glimmer with life like they once did. He felt guilty for it. He was the one who pushed her to Boston. He told her that it'd be okay. She didn't even want to go. So he was being patient.

"No, it's not," she sighed. Her sleep was being robbed by nightmares and she rubbed at the bags under her eyes. At this point, she'd wish somebody would just sedate her. "But thanks for trying." They continued for a few more paces before his pager blared.

"Damn, I'll see you later, okay?" He kissed her forehead and she nodded. "I love you," Brushing a short curl behind her ear, he just took in her face as she attempted a smile.

"I know." A conflicted look passed his face and her hand rose to press against her abdomen. He didn't see it as he rushed away, disappearing around the corner they came. _I can't tell him,_ she thought with fear, _it'd break him. He's trying so hard for me._

"Emily," a voice called for her and she looked to the source. She recognized the straight flaxen hair and brown eyes before approaching the blonde. "Hey." There was a box in Ella's arms. A guitar's strings stuck out.

"Hi, Ella," she replied awkwardly and gestured to the waiting room where they could talk. "Do you want to, uh, sit down?"

"Uhm, no. I'm just here to - to drop this off." The widow's voice was thick with tears as she gazed down at the contents. "There's stuff for you but I couldn't - I'm sorry. Here, just take it." The woman was trying hard to be civil. Staring at her former friend wasn't easy.

"It's been hard," she said, taking the box and setting it by her feet. "I've been to therapy, actually. It helps," she offered as an olive branch and Ella stepped back, nodding. She wiped at her tears and looked at the woman. She appeared the same except her hair was shorter. But her eyes were void of any life. Ella took in a quivering breath.

"I know. I - your brother hired one for me. He's been very kind. It's been difficult for all of us, I think."

"Yeah." Emily looked down at the box, recognizing some of Tom's stuff in there. The guitar was his, goddamn it. "So this is his stuff?"

"We went through it a few days back - the family and me. It was hard. There were a bunch of letters, a whole lot of memories-" Ella broke off to stop her voice from cracking. "But there was something for you. I know you'd want to read it."

"Thank you," she whispered, picking up the box again.

"It helped me. It gave me some closure, I guess. I - I still love him, but he's gone. I'm at peace with that. And I'm trying to forgive you too."

"Thanks," she muttered and Ella sent her a curious glance.

"Did you tell Mark about the baby?" she inquired. Emily's panicked face silenced her and the brunette flushed.

"I didn't tell anyone. Not even my therapist."

"You should." The blonde's hand reached out before the blonde realized what she was doing and it dropped back to her side.

"You think I don't know that?" Emily snapped and Ella nodded with a flinch. Realizing what she did and having horrible flashbacks to their last conversation, she sighed and rubbed the bridge of her nose, "I'm sorry. It's just… I'm not ready to talk about the building collapse yet."

"But, you should," Ella pushed and Emily's arms shook. From anger or from holding that box for so long, she didn't know. "It'll help and maybe Tom'll finally be put to rest."

"Maybe," she said although she didn't exactly agree. Her jaw set stiff, she adjusted her grip on her box. "Well, I've got to go. Work, y'know. Thanks for stopping by." She gave a tight smile and whipped around, walking to the resident's lounge and stalking to her cubby. Ripping out her bag, she let it drop to the ground before shoving the box into her cubby. Stuffing her bag over it, she sat on the bench and tried to breathed out her anger.

It didn't exactly work. Feeling her pager vibrate, she wiped at the angry tears away and stood, looking at it. Bailey was paging her. Of course, she was on her former resident's service today. Leaving the room, she felt her focus shake and ended up losing on the chance to scrub in on a laparotomy.

"Your focus is off, Moore," she snapped as they wheeled him in. She nodded, refusing to look at the shorter woman. "Hey—" Her tone turned soft— "if you need to take a break-"

"I don't," she cut in, "I'm fine, I just need a moment. I-"

"You're not scrubbing in, not today. Go handle my pre-ops." She was about to argue when Dr. Bailey held up a hand, "No - no. No arguing."

"Whatever," she growled, storming out of the scrub room and up to the general wing where she gathered the charts and fixed a strained smile on her face.

.

The next two weeks passed with little change. The box in her cubby never shifted, gathering dust as she continued to go to Dr. Wyatt. She didn't tell her therapist that she had received the box from her best friend's wife but her friends knew, urged her to tell her.

"Dude, tell your shrink. You're only going to get worse," said Alex as they left for rounds.

"Whatever." She waved it off. It worked for a whole fortnight until one day, Dr. Wyatt set down her notebook in the middle of a session and leveled her with a stare.

"You're hiding something. Don't lie." her doctor held up a hand and Emily closed her mouth. "You are." She didn't deny it as Dr. Wyatt pressed forward, "What is it? You've been off for a few weeks now." Emily glanced up at her doctor in surprise. She didn't think she was that obvious. Unless somebody tipped her doctor off.

"Who told you? Alex? Meredith?"

"No one. Now, tell me what's troubling you." Feeling cornered, she decided to confront her friends later and sighed.

"Ella came a few weeks back. She handed me some of Tom's old stuff. Said it would give me closure but…"

"But I'm assuming you haven't touched it yet."

"No." Dr. Wyatt leaned back, nodding. "I know I should. But I'm scared,"

"Overcome your fear. Do it and don't look back. I know your friends are there to help you." She must've seen the look on the short-haired woman's face because the psychiatrist's mouth twitched into a smile. "Go home. Take the day off. Read what he left you. That's your homework and what I'm prescribing you."

"I'll try,"

"Don't try. Just do it," Dr. Wyatt urged and Emily stood, walking to the door. Her hand rested on the knob and she looked at the fish tank, its bright colors contrasting against her dark world. In a last attempt to make her patient at least somewhat brighter, the woman stood to gather her things. "It was Alex, by the way." And then, somehow, some way, a small smile flitted across Emily's face before she disappeared.

.

 _To whomever it may concern,_

 _I swear to God this is going to be like my will kind of. In this box is what I want the people I love to see after I pass. It's basically full of stuff that I want them to use to give some comfort and peace in the wake of my death or something. But I seriously doubt I'm going anywhere any time soon._

 _Anyway, I've decided that I'll just stack stuff that means a lot to me in here. This includes my journal, my guitar and a few other knick knacks you guys'll appreciate._

 _So… yeah. I've also written letters to the people I care about and among other things. I want you to read my writing while it's still legible, as loose as that term is. Each envelope has a name and they're all sincere and from the heart. Know that I'll never stop loving any one of you, even when we're worlds apart._

 _With all the love in the world,_

 _Tom_

Emily didn't realize she was crying until they blotted the surface of the paper. The ink smeared, but it had already in so many places when Ella had held it before. She cuddled up on the couch, her eyes raking over his signature over and over again. Placing it tenderly on the spot beside her, she moved the blanket she had wrapped tightly around her to dig into the box. The first thing to reach her fingers was a smooth something. Digging it out, she realized it was a notebook. Opening it up, she nearly broke down at the smudges on some of the letters. The pen ink dragged off to the right where he pressed the knuckle of his left pinkie over accidentally.

Flipping to the first entry, she pulled her knees up to her chest and snuggled deeper into the pillow. Sniffing loudly, although it didn't matter as she was alone, she tried to calm herself as she began to read.

 _This is my first entry because there's nothing to do in between doing charts and getting no surgeries. Being an intern has been a crazy busy job but it's real. These are real patients that I'm treating. Man, this is insane and I know I'm rambling but I don't really know anyone else well enough to do it without annoying them other than Ella. But she's sleeping somewhere in the hospital._

 _Guess you'll be my sole companion for now, huh, journal? Ugh, I'm crazy. Write in you soon, I hope. Maybe I'd have scrubbed in on a surgery by then. Thomas Jones, an intern, signing out._

That's how Mark found her. When he unlocked the door, he found his girlfriend asleep with the book clutched in her hands and a blanket around her body. She didn't appear to be having a nightmare, in fact, she was the most peaceful he'd ever seen her. Smiling, he picked her up easily and transported her to their bed. Detaching the book from her grasp, he settled it on the bedside table and kissed her cheek before going to the living room to clean up the box she had brought home.

 _Tom._ He had read it without meaning to. The sharpie on the side of the box was faded but he did anyway. _This is his stuff,_ he concluded sadly. His gaze raked over the guitar she had propped in the corner, an envelope, a CD and a few other knick knacks filling up the cardboard box. Not wanting to pry despite his urges, he picked it up and put it down beside the guitar before going to the bathroom to shower.

.

The next day, Emily woke up fully rested for once. Mark was beside her, sleeping peacefully. She took a moment to take in his serene expression, the slight part of his lips and the way he slept on his pillow. He was on his stomach, arms stuffed underneath the pillow his head rested on. Smiling, she covered his back with the blanket and she glanced at the analog clock. It displayed a bright three. Her shift started in two hours but she decided to get up anyways. She pushed the covers off of her and goosebumps rose from her skin immediately. Feeling shivers crawl up her spine, she stretched and pulled at her jumper that had ridden up her stomach. Looking at her bedside table, she spotted the familiar black notebook and everything came flooding back. She had just gotten to the part right before she came. Noah was becoming a close teacher… Ella and him were progressing and he was finally finding his place in peds.

Sighing, she rubbed her eyes and suddenly felt tired again like she hadn't slept in a million years. She forced herself to get up and into the bathroom to prepare for the day.

.

God, she couldn't take any more death. The rumor couldn't be true. He was so kind, so patient with all of them and now he had a spinal tumor. Clutching the notebook, she booked it to M.R.I. and found everyone gathered in there. Standing beside Lexie, she glanced into the machine. There was Isaac, lying still as a dead man. Which he probably was and will be in months, weeks even.

"Damn, I thought it was a rumor. Let me see the scans," she ordered and Lexie passed her the waxy black sheets. "Crap, five levels of the spine," she murmured as the new scans popped up.

They crowded around the computers. Owen slid in beside her to look as Arizona said something about how hard it was going to be and Mark said something about why he went into plastics. Callie and Owen both exclaimed at the difficulty of the tumor before the Chief interrupted them and ordered them to go to their surgeries. Sighing, they departed, worry and tension hanging over the surgeons as Emily walked after Arizona.

"I'm on your service today," she informed the blonde who chewed her lip thoughtfully. "Is there anything you want me to do because I want to do?"

"Uh, yeah, actually," the blonde turned towards her resident for the day with a hopeful smile. "Come on, I think this'll help you too." Together, they made their way up to the peds wing where Arizona led her to the second room. A child was lying on the bed but raised his head when the doctors came in. "Hey, Jason! How're you doing today?"

The boy gave a thumbs up and smiled. His dark skin managed to hide the dark circles around his eyes but Emily still saw them as she opened up the chart. "Jason Hollings, thirteen, on the list for a lung transplant. Dang, kid, what'd you do? Smoke?" she joked and he tried not to laugh but his smile grew.

"Jason here wants to be a musician. Isn't that right?" Jason gave another thumbs up and Arizona handed him a notepad and a pen. "Well, Dr. Moore is going to be helping you with that, okay? She's going to be your bandmate."

"Yeah, wouldn't that be fun?" Emily agreed, slipping Tom's notebook into her pocket. "Let me just talk to Dr. Robbins first real quick, okay?" Without waiting for an answer, she followed the blonde outside. "Why?"

"He can entertain himself. He has a musical app on his computer that he uses from time to time. Just listen when he wants to show you stuff. Do whatever you need to do, you look like you need the time."

"Thank you, Arizona," Emily whispered, truly grateful. The blonde hugged her before letting the brunette slip back into the room. Making sure her patient could reach his laptop comfortably, she settled in a chair in the corner. "Just tap twice on the snare if you want my attention, okay?" He tapped on the snare and she chuckled. "Okay." Crossing her leg over the other, she opened the book to the page where she last left off.

 _So… today I met this lady. Except she wasn't really just a lady. She was Dr. Moore's sister which makes her pretty awesome. She seems cool and really talented and we're already becoming fast friends. At first, I wanted to just ditch her because Dr. Moore had a bowel resection but out of good manners, I stuck it out._

 _I actually got to hang out the whole day with her. I never knew there was going to be someone I clicked with more than her but she has the same humor as me and we love the same things. I admit, I still love Drake and Josh. I know, embarrassing, but you'd love her, journal. I literally did the truther/liar thing with her and we ended up looking weird in front of all the attendings. Dr. Olivier didn't seem amused but whatever. You'd like her, journal. If only you were a person too…_ and on she read and read, half-listening as Jason made beats on the drum set while accompanying it with some guitar chords.

.

She spent the whole day with Jason and Arizona let her spend the next day with him before and after her session with Dr. Wyatt. His mom had dropped by with food before leaving with a goodbye kiss. It wasn't like she didn't care about her son, it was just that she was a busy, working parent. Then, his dad came and asked how his day went. They had a back and forth conversation as Jason wrote down his replies on sheets and sheets of paper.

"Hey, Jason," she said as he raised his eyes from the tablet. He was currently recreating _In My Veins_ with his own mix after straying across it on YouTube. "I'm just gonna be gone for an hour or so. I have to go do something." He looked thoughtful, writing down his reply.

 _Okay. I'm almost done this tune but I need a singer._ Rolling her eyes, she ignored his wink. Ever since Arizona had dropped the hint that Emily knew how to sing, Jason had been egging her on. It was a fun teasing really, but one that ached because singing linked to Tom. In fact, the entry she was on was one that brought painful memories. So when she sat on Dr. Wyatt's couch, she just opened the journal and read it aloud.

"He taught you a lot of things, it seems," Dr. Wyatt commented softly and Emily nodded. "Do you still play?"

"No. Not since his death," she informed. "The first song he taught me is actually the one Jason is remaking right now. Jason, uh, he's this kid in the peds ward. Waiting for a lung transplant that should be any day now."

"Have you tried?" the woman pried and Emily shook her head, "Do something the both of you loved to keep alive his memory. The journals - they're a good step towards it."

"Okay," she murmured unwillingly. Her heart ached as she gazed back down at his loopy scrawl.

"You're healing now, Emily. I know it hurts." She could still hear his voice in her head as she read his entries, could even imagine his hand whispering over the sheets of paper. "I know you want to quit. But don't. Finish his story. Finish this chapter of _your_ story and then you can move on."

.

She was paged to the skills lab. Of course, she had to be _that_ person who was late. Jackson sent her a glance as if to ask _where were you_ but she shook her head and took a seat beside him.

"Glad you finally joined us, Dr. Moore." Derek greeted with a strained smile. "As I was saying. Microsurgery is about precision. The microscope changes your perspective radically. The hand-eye coordination required can be learned, but right now, I need naturals."

"Where were you?" Jackson hissed under his breath and she sent him a look to shut up as Derek proceeded to explain what to do. Taking a bill, he placed it under the styrofoam cup.

"Each one of you will get the chance to guide this pen through the hole in the cup." Taking a red pen, he steadied it and looked through the microscope as they watched. "The person who makes a mark closest to the president's nose—" He lowered the utensil and the residents watched as he made a perfect red dot on the nose— "and doesn't hit the side of the cup gets to scrub in. Who wants to go first?" Everyone raised their hand except her. Steve went up first and Cristina took his chair. He readied the cup over the money and picked up the red pen, lowering it carefully but completely missing the cup.

Cristina yawned and clapped sarcastically as he asked for a do over. Derek denied the request as she looked bored, "Way to go, Two."

"Why do I have to be here? I don't even want to scrub in," she muttered under her breath as Reed went up. Despite her best efforts, the brunette hit the side of the cup and another resident went up. Jackson nudged her lightly with his shoulder.

"Cheer up,"

"Oh, no. It's not like I have raging PTSD," she said dryly as Derek continued to encourage the residents to come up. But slowly, the neurosurgeon was losing patience. Many tried, none succeeded as Cristina continued her disdainful remarks.

"How did you get into this program?" she asked in disbelief as another went up. He just dropped the pen. Emily hid her face in her hands; they were all doing it wrong. Jackson chuckled as Cristina yawned and stretched. Jackson went up next, his face a mask of determination. Grabbing the bill, he placed it centre under the cup as she could see in the camera. _At least he's standing correctly,_ she mused. _He'll probably be one of the best. The closest._

And she was right. He nearly got him right on the nose as Cristina went up, confidence oozing from her very being. When Jackson returned to her seat, she nudged him. "Not too shabby," she mumbled as Cristina prepared the money. "She's standing way too close," Emily murmured and Jackson just watched as she hit the side of the cup.

"Okay. Dr. Moore, come on up."

"Dr. Shepherd, do I have to?"

"Yes."

"It's not like I even want to operate-"

"You are going to try." Still, Emily didn't move. "Dr. Moore, you are going to try." The doors swung open and Derek turned to smile at Mark, looking slightly disgruntled. "And if I can't convince you, he will."

Letting her foot drop from its crossed position with a loud slap, she sighed. "You had to bring Mark."

"I know he's good at convincing you to do things when other people can't." Getting up, she took the money reluctantly. Walking up to Mark, she glared at him and he smiled despite it. It was the most 'Emily' she had looked since her return and he was all for it. Grasping her arms, he pecked her lips.

"I'm throwing that YSL in the trash when we get home," she said plainly and he smirked, kissing the space between her eyebrows.

"You'll do great."

"I know." Standing behind the microscope, she adjusted the eyeline before placing a dollar underneath the cup. She finally lifted the red pen. Sighing, she looked into the microscope for a few moments, adjusting the bill and cup before looking at Derek and Mark.

"Can I fail on purpose?"

"Unfortunately no." The neurosurgeon smiled and she swallowed, pinching the pen delicately and lowering it right onto the nose. Her hand didn't shake as she dotted the president basically on the nose. It was just a few millimetres off. Once removed, she heard the residents murmur appraisingly. Taking the cup away, she gave it back to Derek who smiled.

"We have our winner." Just then, her pager beeped and she glanced at her waist. Clicking it, she frowned.

"With all due respect, Dr. Avery can scrub in. I have a lung transplant to get to." Grabbing her lab coat, she walked out of the lab.

"Em, wait-" Pausing, she turned to see Mark come after her. He pressed a bruising kiss to her mouth and her eyes closed. "I love you."

"I love you, too," she whispered before tearing herself away and running to Jason's room.

.

When Arizona came in, they began the surgery immediately. It was fast and quick and simple, in and out with no complications and when the nurse moved Jason back to his room, she decided to have a peek in Derek's O.R. Walking in with a scrub mask, she saw Mark at the monitor.

"Dr. Moore, come to see what you've missed?" Derek asked and she made a face at him behind her mask.

"Very funny, Dr. Shepherd. I'm just here to see how it's going," she said, standing beside Mark. Crossing her arms, she tilted her head as Mark recorded the tracings.

"I've cleared a path at T-5. And if I continue along this plane, I-"

The monitors started beeping and Mark stared at the monitor, the wheels clacking against the floor. "M.E.P. tracing's losing amplitude. What just happened?" Emily tore her eyes away from the monitor to watch the screens.

"A vessel burst. It might have been connected to the cord."

"But if there's not enough blood reaching the cord-"

"I could've just paralyzed our patient, yes. Suction, please," Derek barked. The blood failed to recede from the field. "Suction. Easy. Careful. More suction."

"There's too much blood."

"We're losing him."

"I should've just cut the cord. This is too risky."

"Wait. It's back." Emily's eyes returned to the monitor and she felt herself release a sigh she didn't know she was holding. "Amplitude's up." The feeling was obviously widespread as Derek and Jackson both exhaled heavily. Derek turned to verify Mark's words before his eyes fixed through the lenses again.

"So the cord didn't stroke out? You didn't paralyze him?"

"The vessel was connected to the, uh, tumor. We're okay." This time, Lexie sighed as Emily set a hand on Mark's shoulder, stepping close enough so that his body could lean against hers slightly.

"Nice work, Derek."

"Thanks." Turning around, the brunette frowned at the neurosurgeon as he took a step back. Turning around, he closed his eyes.

"Derek?"

"Take off my mask." His voice wavered and Emily reached for his face.

"Dr. Shepherd? What?" Lexie's eyes widened as he spun around, an unhealthy flushness to his face. Sweat dotted at his forehead as his hands began to shake.

"Take off my mask!" Mark spun around just as Emily reached forward and tugged the strings off his head. Immediately, an acidic, curdled milk-like scent filled the air and Emily stepped away before the vomit could hit her shoes.

"Someone get a towel," Mark ordered to the room as Emily ripped the mask off Derek's neck, throwing it away. Lexie came around, patting his back. "Here, sit." Mark surrendered his chair for his best friend and passed him a towel.

"And we need some water. And - and straws," Lexie added.

"Right away, doctor." A nurse exited the O.R. as Emily grabbed Derek a new mask. Derek sighed, groaning as he spat out a wad of vomit-saliva. The vomit was covered with a large folded towel as Derek wiped away the vomit around his mouth. The nurse returned with a bottle of water and a cup of straws, placing it on the metal tray near Lexie.

"Get in there. Take a breath and get back in there. You can do this." Derek sniffed, wiping at his nose and Emily glared at the latex gloves.

"Take off your gloves, you need a new set," she reminded quietly as Lexie took the bottle of water and offered it to the neurosurgeon. Derek raised his hands limply and Emily tore them off, disposing of them.

"You really should drink something."

"I'm fine."

"You're not fine. You're dehydrated and you're stressed. You really should drink something." Derek placed a hand on his knee, looking up at the younger Grey as Emily shared a look with Mark.

"I said I'm fine."

"Drink the water." Derek stared at the bottle for a moment before Lexie added more forcefully, "I said _drink it._ " At that, Derek looked up resignedly and took the bottle, sipping like a petulant child. When almost all of the bottle was gone, Derek sighed and gave the bottle to Lexie.

"Thank you, Dr. Grey." Standing up, the neurosurgeon rolled back his shoulders. Emily gave him the mask and he tied it around his neck quickly before looking around. "I need a new pair of gloves, please." Derek slipped his hands into a new pair that snapped to his wrists. "Dr. Moore, don't you have any patients?"

"I had one patient and he's recovering from a lung transplant. I don't have any other patients." Derek hummed as he began his surgery again.

.

Twenty-six hours into surgery later, Emily walked out of the O.R. with Mark, thoroughly exhausted. They strolled around the hospital, stretching their legs. He had an arm around her shoulders and the two surgeons were exhausted. Probably not as bad as Derek, probably, but bone-tired.

"You okay?" he asked and she looked up at him as they passed the neuro I.C.U. Inside, they saw Isaac and Derek speaking. Emily looked to them, then to Mark.

"I'm going to make one last round on Jason. Wanna come?" she returned with a smile and he nodded, taking her hand. They walked to the elevator and she pressed the button. "And yeah, I'm okay."

"You sure?" he whispered as the doors opened. Walking to his room, Emily saw Jason with his mom and dad, talking raspily as his dad laughed at something he said. Taking the chart from the nurse's station, Emily's hand cupped the back of Mark's neck as she pulled him down for a kiss.

"I'm sure." And for once, she actually felt _okay._ She felt…

Okay.

 **A/N: Edited - October 20, 2018**

 **Next: Journal entries, a long letter, and a confession.**


	42. The Letter

_Sometimes, the key to making progress is to recognize how to take that very first step. Then you start your journey. You hope for the best and you stick with it, day in and day out. Even if you're tired, even if you want to walk away. You don't. Because you are a pioneer. But nobody ever said it'd be easy._

 _-Meredith Grey_

* * *

Emily leaned into the couch as Mark sat down beside her, opening up the newspaper. He gave her a steaming cup of coffee which she took happily.

"Morning," he whispered, pecking her mouth and she smiled, leaning against him as she read Tom's journal. Callie was cleaning the fry pan as she read. It was times like this where it felt like it was just a perfectly normal morning. They were talking about some donation of twenty-five million dollars but Emily couldn't help but lose herself in the loopy scrawl in Tom's journal.

.

"Derek, I thought you were fired." Emily remarked and he laughed. "You're not someone who takes no for an answer, do you?"

"You know it," he smiled. "How're you?"

"I'm sick of people saying that," she said bluntly, sipping her coffee. "Mark's treating me like glass. And all he does is… treat me like a princess and I love it. But I miss the time when he treated me like a _person._ And I'm fine. I'm feeling better." Derek looked at her in concern and rested a hand on her shoulder. "I just want to be normal," she huffed frustratedly and he traced small circles with his thumb.

"He's just scared you're going to break. Obviously you aren't going to but he's Mark. You're the first _real_ thing he's ever had and he doesn't want to mess it up."

"I'm going to mess it up first," she said and he looked at her. "I've messed up, Derek. Really bad,"

"You'll get through it, okay?" He wrapped an arm around her shoulder and she leaned against him. "You're a strong woman but I worry. You're always going to be Noah's little sister to me and I care about you because you're you."

"Thanks, Derek," she mumbled. They made their way to the nurse's station where he picked up his charts. Jackson glanced at them and said a quick greeting before continuing on with his day. "I've got to go before I'm late for rounds. Bailey will kill me if I am."

"True. I'll talk to you later." Shaking her head slightly, she turned around and took out his journal, turning to the page she was on. Walking slowly towards the resident's lounge, she continued reading.

 _Dear lovely journal,_

 _Guess what?_

She stopped and read the first few sentences ahead:

 _I just found out that my best friend - the amazing Emily Moore - is pregnant. Like damn! I'm going to be an uncle._

Her heart leapt to her throat. It had a been a while between the entries. The first one was when she was the wedding and the next was the day after she told him she was pregnant.

 _I wonder what she'll be. Or he, I suppose. I think a good name would be Tom, after me of course. But seriously, I love the name Liam or Ryleigh. I like that name for a girl. But I'm an uncle and it's so exciting that I can't express it. The happiness I feel for both Emily and Mark, who I've yet to meet is like my caffeine. I can't even bare to feel sad anymore. It's a great time for romance, I think._

 _In other words, we've found the perfect place for the proposal. Boston has some good beaches, so we're planning the perfect spot. I cannot wait to see Ella's reaction._

 _Emily's voice is really coming along. She's memorized the chords for the song and she's just got that natural talent. I think if being a surgeon fails she could go into the music biz. I make her out to be too perfect. She's not, I swear. Okay, maybe just a little bit._

 _Signing out, your author and only friend,_

 _Tom_

Her throat ached. _Red trailing down - knives stabbing into her - Tom's fading pulse._ Her hand reached to press against her abdomen as if recalling the memory itself but she shook it off. She had a therapist to see.

.

"Izzie?" Her breath caught in her throat when she went into the clinic. "What-" She came up to the blonde and hugged her tightly. "Oh, my god you're safe." Izzie hugged her back. They parted and Emily slugged her on the arm.

"Ow! What is your problem, Em?" the blonde asked and Emily glared at her. "Wait, you're back."

"Clearly," she retorted and crossed her arms. "We wondered where you were - we were _worried sick_ about you. Do you know how Alex's been? Have you talked to him?" The brunette rapid fired the questions and Izzie didn't reply until she finished. "Does he even know you're here?" the woman added softly.

"Look. I'm sorry but I've just been in Chehalis with my mom. I'm still getting my treatments," she held a hand up to cut Emily off. "But my old teacher, he's taken a fall and I asked Derek to take a look at him. But enough about me, I heard what happened about in Boston. Are you-"

"Fine. I'm going to a shrink, it's working and I'm great."

"Tom died, didn't he? They didn't mention it in the news but the nurses, the gossip." Emily swallowed a lump in her throat and looked away. "I'm sorry, Em,"

"Thanks. I - please just talk to Alex."

"He doesn't want to talk to me anyway."

"Maybe you have to make the first move this time." She spotted a patient waving at her and squeezed Izzie's arm. "I have to. But please, come home." Izzie's smile was an empty promise but Emily chose to believe in the good.

.

"Wanna go grab lunch later?" murmured Mark, kissing the side of her head as she sipped her coffee. Looking at her boyfriend, she arched her eyebrows.

"Can't right now, I'm on my way to get my patients labs. If they're good, I get to scrub in," she said.

"Well, I didn't say _now_ , but-"

"Also, I promised lunch with Mer. It's her first day back."

"Dinner tonight, then," he said and she smiled slightly as Callie came up to them and joined them as they walked to the lobby.

"What should I get for Arizona's birthday?" the ortho surgeon said and Emily shrugged. "Come on! I didn't even know it was Friday and now I have to get a gift." The brunette and her boyfriend both shared looks. "What are you getting her for her birthday?"

"A scrub cap," Emily said. "I ordered one online, should be here Friday morning." Callie groaned at that.

"That's such a good idea! But I can't take it because you took it. Ugh, Mark-"

"Don't ask me. I was just planning on buying Robbins a bottle of wine." The Latina glared at the plastics surgeon as they reached the lobby. "We needa ask Bailey about her trauma patient. If the patient is good to go, you can scrub in."

Spotting the general surgeon at the nurse's station, they approached. Emily sipped on her coffee, throwing it away before shoving her hands in her lab coat pockets.

"Hey, is your trauma patient stable for skin grafting?"

"The one with the pancreatic duct rupture," Callie elaborated. Bailey was about to respond when-

"Miranda."

"Oh, Adele." Turning, the three surgeons all turned to see the Chief's wife strutting up to them. Bailey grinned, greeting the woman. "Oh, I'm so sorry. I sent the Chief into surgery. Do you want me to-"

"What I want is for you to tell me the truth. Are you having an affair with my husband?" Blinking, Emily and Callie both looked to Mark as the two women held a stare-off for a moment. The three stood there awkwardly, waiting for an answer on the trauma patient. Emily bit her lip, turning to hide her expression.

"I - I am _not_ having an affair with your husband."

"I saw the way you handled him just now."

"I did not handle him. I j-" Bailey stopped herself before she could dig herself into a deeper hole. "There was no handle - We work together." The incredulous smile said everything. Emily had never seen her former resident so put on the spot before Adele Webber.

"You spend every waking moment together. You finish each other's sentences. You read each other's minds. You're more married to that man than I am." Emily made a face and nodded. Looping her arm through Mark's, she sighed as Callie took a step forward. Letting her head droop, Emily knew Callie was going to say something, something to make this more awkward than it had to be.

"Yeah, but that's just because they're husband and work-wife."

Okay, that wasn't _so_ bad. It made sense in a way but Bailey rounded on Callie, eyes wide, anyway. "Excuse me?"

"The Chief's your work-husband, and you're his work-wife. You look out for each other. You take care of each other. There's nothing wrong with it. It's like me and Sloan." Mark's face scrunched up.

"Excuse me?"

"Nobody's talking to you." Offended, Mark looked around to see if anyone else witnessed this _great assault on his manhood._ "He's my work-husband, but he has a girlfriend, and I have a girlfriend. But there's nothing going on between us."

"There was at one point-"

"You're not helping."

"Neither one of you are helping," Bailey hissed under her breath to shut them up. "Adele, I promise there is nothing going on."

"Something is going on, because he hasn't been in bed all week."

"What?"

"Really?" Adele looked at Mark and with a forced smile on her face, Emily smacked him right on the arm. "Ow!"

"That wasn't even that hard," Emily whispered through clenched teeth. His eyebrows knitted together and she widened her eyes exponentially, glancing at Adele and Bailey out of the corner of her eye. He cocked an eyebrow, tilting his head and she responded by glaring straight into his soul. Scolded like a toddler, he pouted and she smiled, satisfied.

"The last time he acted like this - disappearing, sleeping at the hospital every night - he was with Ellis Grey. He may not be having an affair with you-"

"He's not. I promise you. I promise you, he's not." Adele glanced at the trio again, waiting off to the side. Emily and Callie distracted themselves - taking out their notepad and going on their phone respectively - while Mark, ever the gossip, gave the woman a smile.

"Okay. But wife-wife to work-wife, someone in this hospital is sleeping with our husband." With that, she spun around and walked off. Bailey blinked after her before turning to look at the three.

"So, who do we think it is?" Mark asked and Emily lightly slapped him once more.

"What was I talking about again?" Bailey asked and Callie let her phone drop back into her pocket.

"Your pancreatic duct rupture patient. If they're stable enough for a skin graft." Bailey blinked multiple times.

"Paul Chang," Emily cleared her throat, fist in front of her mouth and Bailey held up a finger.

"Right, right. Paul Chang. Yes, he is stable." Nodding, the three left the still-shocked surgeon alone.

"Did that really just happen?" Callie muttered and Mark shrugged. "Moore, go book an O.R. I needa find a present for Arizona." Nodding, she went to go off but Mark grabbed her wrist.

"What?" He pecked her lips and she wrinkled her nose at him. Placing her palms flat against his face, she whispered, "Promise me that if I ever get married to you, I never have to know your work-wife. When I'm an attending, _I_ am your work-wife."

"I'm counting on it. Now, go get our O.R." Smiling, she pulled away and walked down the hall.

.

Callie and Mark walked past her table as Emily chewed thoughtfully on her cookie. Meredith was eating beside her peacefully and for once it seemed to be a normal lunch. In her mind, she could imagine her friends here and in Boston joining together to have one big extravaganza of a lunch. Cristina and Alex joined them, and greeted them with a few greetings.

"Hey, Alex," she said before her eyes darted to Cristina. "Hey, Cristina. How's your present?"

"You mean Private Benjamin over there? Owen said she would surprise me. Well, guess what. Surprise! She doesn't know how to do surgery." Meredith grinned, stabbing her spoon into her yogurt as Alex bit his sandwich savagely. Letting her knee knock into his, she made him look at her and mouthed, _Drinks?_ He nodded and took a big gulp of water.

"Leave her alone. It's her first day," Alex piped up and they glanced at the attending's table. Mark was saying something to the new cardio head as Cristina pushed food around her plate with her fork. She glanced up at his words and narrowed her eyes.

"Why are you defending her? She went to state school."

"So did I," Alex exclaimed, offended.

"Well, she's skinny and blonde."

"So's Mer."

"Well, she's annoying."

"So are you." Emily took a drink of her coffee and nearly choked at his reply. Covering her mouth with the back of her hand, she shared a glance with Meredith before Cristina continued.

"Where's your wife, by the way?"

"Cristina," Emily said in a low warning tone as Meredith switched the topic to Altman and Hunt. It worked for a while before Cristina returned to the topic of Izzie.

"Have you even talked to Izzie yet? I mean, has anyone talked to her?" Alex lowered his sandwich and glared at her.

"You know what? No one's allowed to talk about Izzie while I eat," he snapped and chewed angrily. There were a few moments of silence filled by chewing before she added:

"Am I the only one concerned here?" He slammed the tray that held his food, dropping his sandwich and taking off. Rubbing her temple, Emily watched him go as Meredith sent Cristina a look.

"What?"

"It's my first day back. I just wanted to have a nice, normal lunch together," Meredith explained as Alex exited the cafeteria.

"Oh, yeah? Well, take a look around. Nothing's normal." The asian woman brought another bite to her mouth as Emily did so. She realized that her friend was right, painfully so. George and Izzie weren't with them anymore; the Mercy Westers inhabited a table on the far side of the room; there were new attendings. Cristina was right. _Nothing's the same_. Finishing her lunch, she wiped at her mouth with a napkin.

"Cristina's right," Emily murmured and pushed herself up. The two glanced at her. "I've got to go talk to Mark about something," she said and Meredith rested a hand on her stiff forearms where they braced her against the table. She looked at her blonde friend and there was a glint on kindness - not sympathy or pity. "See you later,"

"Bye." Cristina cracked open her bottle of water and Meredith's hand fell away as she put away her tray of food, dumping the plastic containers in the trash. Jackson sent a smile her way and she smiled back before approaching the attendings table hesitantly - unaware all the while of the green gaze burning into her back. Arizona saw her first and smiled encouragingly, sipping her soda happily. Callie turned around when she saw her girlfriend smile and her own smile appeared.

"Hey, Em. Come here."

"I just needed to talk to Mark," she said and her boyfriend turned to the blonde next to him. "Mark, can I-"

"Hunt, are you going to introduce me?" the blonde piped up and Emily snapped her mouth shut. Owen flushed and put down his coffee. "Nevermind. Teddy Altman, head of cardio."

"Right." She stuck out a hand to shake. "Emily Moore," said the brunette. The two shook hands before Emily returned her focus to Mark. His eyes were still glinting from the laugh that was still in his voice and she sighed internally, soft smile on her lips. Leaning down, she curled her fingers against his head and kissed his mouth. The taste of apples was left on her lips as he pecked her again. "I really need to tell you something," she murmured. Callie sent them curious glances before leaning over to talk to Arizona. Taylor coughed quietly and Emily's eyes flitted to him. He merely blinked up at her before biting into his sandwich.

"So, what about that soccer game?" the trauma surgeon asked awkwardly as Mark gave them a sweeping glance.

"Do you need me now? Teddy was just talking about Hunt and her's soccer tournament back in Iraq." He reached up to hold her hand, "Hey, if you seriously need me I can just go. You're more important." The hollowness in her chest grew at how happy he was. The smile that crinkled his eyes, the lightness in his voice. He had found his place. He was happy. "You know I love you, right? You can tell me anything."

She searched his face before looking down to her shoes. "Yeah. I love you, too," she finally whispered and kissed him one last time. "Maybe later." He squeezed her hand.

"Whenever you're ready."

.

"You're going to have to open up at some point. Besides, your insurance only covers the next three sessions so I'm going to have to offer you an ultimatum. Either you get your act together or I go to the Chief," Dr. Wyatt said and Emily fiddled with the journal in her hands. Deciding to finally admit what happened, she opened the journal to the page where she folded the corner.

"There was a building collapse," said the surgeon, "and this lady said her children were still in there with their dad. I wanted to go in, we both did."

"You and Tom?"

She nodded. "We were told it wasn't safe so we backed off. Until her daughter came out and found us." Her mind flew back to Rebecca in her blue shirt. What happened to her? Her father was dead, she was probably still coping. She wondered if her mother was still alive. "But then she went back in. We had no choice."

"You went back in to save her."

"And then we found them. The father - he had a dislocated shoulder, a deep lac on his scalp and weak breath sounds. We had to evac quickly so Tom sent the kids out first before we began moving him." Her breath hitched, reliving every second of that day. "We moved him to the ground floor."

"Then?"

"We switched places." Her eyes widened and she looked up at her doctor. "He wanted to set the shoulder and I - I let him. I didn't - it was so stupid and we should've… we should've just left." Tears began spilling over her cheeks and she blinked repeatedly as she pressed her hands together in front of her lips. "We were too late. The building was too unstable and I should've know. I should have said we needed to leave because we weren't supposed to be in there in the first place. But I didn't and then - then the fl-floor collapsed and he-" She buried her face, guilt and shame eating her alive- "he took my place." Her voice nearly died out, high-pitched and soft as she heard the crack of his spine. Felt his cold hand in his. Saw the moment he died.

Dr. Wyatt handed her a box of tissues but she ignored them to continue. "I should've been the one crushed under the concrete. If h-he didn't take my place, he would still be alive." Her face was red with heat as she tried to breathe and stop the flood of tears that wouldn't stop. Couldn't stop. "I killed Tom."

"No, you didn't." Dr. Wyatt was calm, firm. But her words were barely heard. Emily's lip trembled and the bruising in her throat strangled her as she saw his pale face. She could hear herself, voice raw with pain. Bending over, she covered her face with her hands as Dr. Wyatt had moved to sit beside her on the couch, wrapping her in an awkward hug.

"He was really - really looking forward to being an uncle. He told me in this journal." Dr. Wyatt looked at her, blue eyes softer than normal. Emily met her gaze with glossy eyes. "There's more than what I said. Not a lot of people know, not even Mark."

"What is it?" her doctor asked, offering a tissue that she took and wiped her nose with.

"I feel so weak. How can I not tell the man that I love that we were going to have a kid before a building fell on me? You know he didn't even know I was pregnant? I wanted to tell him over the phone or something but we could never catch each other."

"You've been very strong for a very long time. That does not make you weak, it makes you _exhausted._ It makes you the kind of exhausted that a person shouldn't have to be. And the longer you keep the secret, the harder it'll be on both of you."

"But, he's so happy."

"And you need to be happy, too. You need to be safe, and comfortable, and he will understand that if everything you've ever said about him is true," Dr. Wyatt said and Emily looked to her. "Have you gone through that box yet?"

"No."

"Then do it. You've made tremendous progress today, Emily. Go through that box. Live it again. The happiness he gave you, the mark he left. That will never fade. Tom may be gone, but he will never be forgotten."

.

Emily was drinking in a booth with Alex and Meredith. She sat next to Alex, finishing her beer as Meredith looked at them both nervously. They both just stared emptily in front of them as she fidgeted.

"I think she'll be back," the blonde commented in hopes that it'd cheer Alex up but he just finished his drink and settled the glass back on the table. "You want to keep drinking?" she addressed it to both of them and they nodded. Once she had left, Emily took a hold of Alex's hand. His fingers were limp until she intertwined them with hers.

He didn't say anything, just kept staring and she didn't say anything either. She just thought about what her doctor said. Dr. Wyatt suggested telling Mark, of course she knew that. She's known that since it happened, but there was the gag that always tied her tongue when she sas him.

"I miscarried Mark's kid," she admitted softly and there was no reaction except the slightest squeeze in their joined hands.

"She thought I got her fired." Another squeeze. They were silent for a long while until Meredith came back with their drinks.

"Here." There were shots of tequila. Grabbing it roughly, she tipped it back into her throat before slamming it down as Alex did the same. "Cristina was right. Nothing's normal anymore. George is dead, Izzie is gone, you lost your best friend. Everything's different." There was something else in the blonde's tone that was meant to suggest something else but neither of them replied as Meredith sipped on her margarita. Signalling to a bartender, she asked for more tequila. They brought a whole bottle.

Emily reached forward and poured hefty amounts for the both of them. Tipping it back, she poured another. Alex kept pace with her until half the bottle was gone.

Alex took his turn to pour another shot. Emily's vision was blurry and her head pulsed to the beat of the music as Meredith said something she didn't hear. Shaking her head slightly, her hand brushed against her empty glass as Alex reached forward for the the bottle again.

.

When she woke up in her bed the next morning with a pounding headache, she had an aching clarity of last night. Alex knew. Before Mark. She had to tell him. She had to tell him today. If she was doing one thing, it was this.

Getting up, she looked at her bedside table where her necklace rested near the clock. She was just glad she didn't have to work. A glass of water sat beside it with a few pills. A note beside it was written in Mark's neat writing.

 _Take it. I had to drag you out of Joe's last night._

Groaning, she took the pills and swallowed it with a swig of water before getting up and stumbling to the bathroom. She took a quick, steaming shower before changing into a pair of comfy clothes. After she made a quick slice of toast, she wandered around the apartment before stopping in front of the box. Tom's name had faded slightly as she crouched down in front of it. Picking it up, she brought it with her to the couch and began rifling through it.

The first thing was a letter with her name on it. It was taped shut and it seemed unopened. The envelope was still crisp and white. Brushing a hand across the surface, she gently pried the tape off and took out the letter. Unfolding it, paragraphs of black ink appeared in front of her eyes.

 _Hey Em,_

 _So, I hope you never have to read this letter soon because it can only mean one thing. That I died too soon and I've left you behind. Whatever the future may bring, I pray that you aren't opening it while we're both still young._

 _Anyway, wow. Should I just start from the beginning? Yeah, maybe I should. If you can recall, we met when I was eagerly sucking up to your brother with his charts and he instead gave me the task of showing you around. I admit, I wasn't thrilled because I really wanted to scrub in on a surgery. I just hid it surprisingly well._

 _But then I learned that you're… well, you. You laughed at my shit jokes, basically read my thoughts and you were basically me. Just without the parts, you know? At first, I considered ditching you, but I stuck it out in the end and I'm glad I did. Hopefully you don't kill me for that little tidbit._

 _And I wanted to stitch you in._

 _You've become such a big part of my life. You'll always be the first person to go to - I mean, I went to you for the proposal - and I know you'll always be there to support me. That's your nature, and that's also why I adore you so much. And I feel it's important to tell you because life is a whirlwind of change. I mean, you're pregnant, your brother is my mentor, George died… Nothing is simple. Everything's always gonna be messy because that's just how life is. It'd be boring if it wasn't. I might not get the chance to tell you tomorrow, or the day after how much you mean to me. Hell, we might die tomorrow. Which is why I'm writing this letter. If you survive, if you outlive me, all my feelings about you, my sister, are in this box._

 _I had a patient the other day while you were at home because you still thought you had the flu. There was a fire in an old care home and it was all hands on deck no matter your specialty. I had to cover a pair of old friends who couldn't stand being apart. They never stayed apart until they had surgery. One of them died on the table and left such a long, emotional letter that I had to read out to the survivor because he was too weak to even move. And I thought, huh, this wasn't too bad an idea and thus this was born. I am inspired by pain and death._

 _You'd say I'm terrible, but don't worry, in the afterlife, I already know._

 _Yes, that was sad and yes, the man died two days later surrounded by family but he was never the same. Not after his best friend died. But I want us to be like that._

 _Not dead, that's not the point I wanted to get across._

 _But what I mean is, when I imagine myself a hundred years old, I know you'll be there by my side._

 _The only reason I know that is because you're a force of nature already and I know you aren't going to slow down, ever._

 _But maybe that won't happen. Maybe what we want won't be enough because life has a funny way - or not so funny way - of fucking everything up. Maybe you'll be gone tomorrow and we'll never have a chance to say goodbye and it won't be okay. Losing someone never is._

 _Then… there's this one last point I have. Okay, look. Here's the thing. It doesn't matter if we have one more day to laugh our asses off, or two days or a hundred. What matters is that we spent it doing what we do best. Lounging around doing nothing and eating way too much food._

 _But… if somewhere down the road, if we jump across the chasm and you aren't with me on the other side, I just want you to know that I'll always wish for your happiness. You deserve it and I hope you and Mark have a wonderful life together, even if it doesn't include me._

 _I know neither of us have ever said it because that would lead to awkward conversations and all that, but I think I get leeway because I'm dead._

 _I think we've made each other better. You've taught me how to open my hearts to others, care for patients and work hard for the people I love - case in point, Ella. And I know you've taught me to put others before myself, maybe not to the extreme as you do, but to go the extra mile._

 _And I hope I taught you, too. Maybe to be a bit more stubborn, more carefree and maybe, in the wake of my death, how to be strong when all you want to do is to fall apart. We've nurtured each other. We've grown and I'll always thank you for that. I'll always thank you for everything you've done for me._

 _I want us to raise our families side by side, I want us to be great together. Our short friendship hasn't reached any obstacles yet, but I know they will. Just you wait, Em, we'll get through them. Even if it means fighting like hell to survive._

 _Because what's life without a good fight?_

 _I love you. You're my sister, and you're my family. I love you._

 _-Tom_

Tears balanced on the tips of her lashes, each one's life ending as it splashed against the paper. The ink ran and she placed the precious letter on the table. A bittersweet smile crossed her face as she continued to look through the box. It was pretty empty except for a thick book full of plastic slips. Frowning, she sniffed and grabbed it, opening it up to reveal glorious pictures. She vaguely remembered that he loved taking pictures but never noticed when she was always busy doing other things.

The first page was of him in med school with Ella. There were some lovely scenic shots. She admired each one. More of Ella, them graduating med school, then Matthew and Davin entered the mix. Many pictures of surgeries, foods and just plain sneaky and silly shots filled the pages and she smiled fondly at every one. Finally, she reached around the middle of the book. There she was, her first appearance.

She was wearing scrubs and her lab coat. Her then-long hair was tied up in a low ponytail as she leaned over to give a nurse a chart. He must've managed to take a shot with his new camera. Then there was a few of them at lunch. She flipped through the hospital shots, admiring his talent of knowing how to work the lights. Turning another page, she gasped at the beauty. It was during the camping trip for sure. Beautiful sunsets and sunrises, pictures of animals and flowers filled pages with beautiful, vibrant colors. There were pictures of her playing with her nephews and one specific time at Ollie's birthday where icing decorated her face instead of the cake.

The memory brought a stab of pain that ebbed and flowed around her chest as she closed the book with care, standing up and putting it away in a bookshelf where she could open it again later. Returning to the box, she was about to go through it more when the door clicked. Looking up, she watched as Mark came in.

"Hey." He smiled. "How's Sleeping Beauty?" She flushed at his expression, but was unable to smile. Her resolve strengthened and she swallowed. Clasping her hands in front of her, she walked around the couch as he settled down some groceries on the counter. Taking out the orange juice, he glanced over his shoulder.

"I'm doing good. But, Mark, I need to tell you something."

"Yeah?" Her fingers fiddled with the rings on her neck and she bit her lip. "What is it? Are you hurt?" She looked up to him and her eyes were wide and apologetic, but he didn't know why. Her mouth was turned into a frown and she tried to find some solace in his face. "Em? You're worrying me."

"I love you, okay? And I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I didn't tell you sooner. I'm sorry that I couldn't open up to you about Tom. I'm sorry about a lot of things but I'm telling you now." He frowned, tucking a short curl behind her ear and kissing her mouth chastely. "I - you just seemed to happy that I was back that I didn't want to ruin it." One by one, the bricks fell around her heart and it was laid bare as she placed it carefully in his hands. Her voice shook and her eyes shone in the light.

"Hey, hey, hey," he whispered, brushing the tears away, "you can tell me." She swallowed a lump at the back of her throat. He lowered his head to touch her forehead with his and their breaths mingled as she held onto his hands tightly.

"You missed so many calls," she whispered back and he made a noise. He'd been piloting the Chief's new O.R. board system or whatever. It took up most of his time which meant he missed more calls than ever. He didn't even manage to find the time between surgeries, catching up on charts and the pilot to call his girlfriend. "And then it happened and I couldn't tell you."

"Tell me what?" he prompted gently, kissing her forehead and she finally raised her head. Her hazel eyes, the ones he found so beautiful, were full of unshed tears.

"We were going to have a kid." Her voice was breathy and quiet. "And then I lost it in the building collapse. It was only six weeks." Her chest was tight as she hugged herself, tears not yet shedding but her voice shook. He froze, staring at her. Her hair hid her face but he could tell her shoulders were heavy with the burden. _What do I do…_ he thought helplessly but his body made up a decision while his mind scrambled for an answer.

Immediately, his arms wrapped around her waist and pulled her close to his chest. Her arms enveloped his neck and she balanced on her toes. His hand pressed her head towards him and his heat seeped into her skin, making her blood warm as his other ran up and down her back in a soothing motion. Kissing her hair, he just continued to hug her tightly until finally she pulled back.

"I'm sorry." He brushed hair from her face and traced circles on her shoulder. "Why didn't you tell me earlier? You've been home for… _months._ " _Crap._ He didn't mean to sound so accusatory. She closed her eyes for a moment, then opened them and managed to look him in the eye.

"You were happy," she repeated, "So, _so happy._ I just wanted to heal before I could tell you I was broken. But…" she trailed off uselessly. "I'm sorry." Hugging her again, he kissed behind her ear and inhaled her scent. "It's my fault," she murmured distantly. "It's all my fault."

"Hey, no," he said firmly. "It isn't. We can try again, okay? Maybe in a year, or two. Or never, if that's what you want, alright?" Drawing back, she sniffed and rubbed her eyes.

"Yeah." A small flitter of a smile appeared on her face before growing. His thumb brushed against her cheek and she kissed him gently. "You don't ever leave me, okay?" She inhaled shakily, eyes tracing the curve of his nose. "You can't leave me."

"I can't promise that," he whispered and she closed her eyes, new tears streaming down her face. "But I can promise that I'll never leave if I can help it. I promise that I'll love you. I can promise you that. Okay?" Her eyes were adamantine gems, the color of a burnt sunset as she nodded.

"Okay."

 **A/N: Edited - October 21, 2018**

 **Next: The holidays come with a 'surprise'.**


	43. Sloan Riley

_The joy supposedly is in the giving, so when the joy is gone, when the giving starts to feel more like a burden, that's when you stop. But if you're like most people I know, you give till it hurts, and then you give some more._

 _-Meredith Grey_

* * *

 **Thanksgiving Eve**

Walking around the corner, she shielded her eyes with a chart when she saw Lexie and Taylor sharing a moment. They were just about to kiss when they noticed her.

"Sorry, sorry." She winced and they broke apart immediately, cheeks flaring bright red. "I just - oh, well." She tried to turn around but Lexie beat her to it.

"I, uh, thank you for the, uhm, consult, Dr. Jacks. I - I will do just that, yes I will," Lexie rambled and turned around, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. Peeking over her shoulder, she saw Taylor look at her and grinned.

"Sorry," she drawled, walking up to him and handing him the chart.

"You seriously have the worst timing," he growled, taking it and opening it. "What is it?" He read it quickly and Emily grinned. "Okay, you have totally made up for it. Let's go." He lead the way as they began racing towards the pit. "Bet I'll beat ya," he yelled as he nearly crashed into a nurse. Laughing, she widened her strides and slammed her hand against the button for the elevator. It opened and she got in, pressing the first floor button and mashing the closed button. "No way!" He lunged and stuck out a hand, stopping the elevator doors from closing. Slipping in, the doors closed behind him and he glared at her.

"Getting slow," she teased and he rolled his eyes. He straightened the lapel of his lab coat as the doors opened. The pit was relatively quiet except for Mark working on a man screaming like a baby.

"Em," Mark called out for her and she stopped from her way to the trauma room. Taylor continued onwards with a smug smile. The case she had shown the trauma surgeon, a man had tackled a wild turkey and had ended up with multiple lacerations, contusions and trauma to the head, would have to wait.

"Yeah?" She went over to him and his eyes gave her a once over, going from her face to her stomach in just a flash of a second - so fast she wasn't sure it happened. "Do you need anything?"

"Yeah. Callie wants to host the dinner today so we have to just bring the wine. Can you buy a bottle of wine before we go?" he asked as he debrided the man's burns without looking up.

"'Course," she agreed and was about to say more when a blonde with the same blue eyes and strong jaw as Mark walked up to them.

"Dr. Sloan?"

"Yeah?" He cast her a quick glance but then did a double-take. Obviously, he had noted the same similarities. His face was the definition of shocked as she continued.

"Hi. Um, so, this might be a little weird, but, um… my name is Sloan Riley, and, uh, my mom's Samantha Riley, and, um… I'm pretty sure you're my dad." His eyes widened and his head tilted just a little more. It would've been funny if it wasn't such a punch in the gut. _Mark… has a kid?_ She thought dazedly, eyes dragging to meet Callie's and Alex's. Lexie came up with Mark's labs but instead stumbled into an awkward staring competition as her gaze went from the blonde to the other doctors.

Lexie set down the papers gingerly between the triangle before speeding away, disappearing into the trauma room that Taylor was in. The blonde's grin widened nervously and Emily looked at Mark.

"Well, okay, I think that's enough for now. Mark, and, uh, Sloan, was it? Let's just go in that general direction," Callie said first, walking towards them and placing a hand on each of the Sloan's shoulder. Gently guiding the two away, Emily looked at Alex.

"What the hell just happened?" she asked dumbly and Alex shrugged. The turkey-burned victim looked at them all awkwardly, the man they had forgotten about and Emily groaned. Plopping down in Mark's seat, she put on a pair of latex gloves and picked up the instruments.

"Hey, Mr… Smith. I'm apparently your new doctor as my boyfriend just had an existential crisis appear on his doorstep."

.

"This is the best thanksgiving ever."

"I'd beg to differ," Emily said as she did a single-layer continuous suture. "I just found out my boyfriend has a daughter." She snipped the line and started another. Alex stifled a laugh as Cristina looked up at her.

"Well, at least there are no obnoxious relatives and stupid traditions," Cristina scoffed. "No going around the table and saying what you're thankful for."

"Yeah, I think we should do the opposite." Emily pointed a shining instrument at Alex in agreement. Pausing in her work, she took a bite of rice before continuing. "Talk about what we're not grateful for."

"The merger."

"The Mercy Westers." Meredith agreed. Emily grimaced as she finished another line and started to undo them to restart.

"They're like the plague. I mean, stealing all our surgeries, eating all that pie in the nurses' station."

"It is good pie, especially when it's-"

"Apple." The three others chimed and Emily groaned as she threaded the sutures. Taking a small bite of fake skin with her instruments, she pulled it through as Alex nodded. He turned back to his work, Meredith's careful eye on it. She piped up when he pulled it through.

"You're doing it wrong."

"I am not."

"You are." She put down her fork and picked up her forceps. "Can I show you?"

"Private lessons with the Chief. Man, those daddy issues are working for you," Cristina scoffed as she watched Meredith perform the closure brilliantly. Emily took another bite of rice and grinned.

"I don't have daddy issues. He's teaching me." Alex picked up his instruments to try and imitate what Meredith did as she pulled back. The blonde returned to her lunch as Cristina shook her head slightly.

"You're his bitch."

"Well, in that case, Em's Torres' bitch."

"Uncool." Emily rolled her eyes, "Besides, I'm not as much as a bitch as Cristina is for Teddy."

"Maybe that's my problem. I'm nobody's bitch."

"Oh, well, you were Izzie's bitch." Alex gave her a side glance, full of indignation.

"You're the bitch." Cristina was about to say something before Meredith cut in. Emily supported her friend's point with gentle gestures while her fingers were still holding onto the forceps.

"You know what? It's Thanksgiving."

"Well-"

"Ah!" The brunette shushed Cristina. "No name-calling." They acquiesced as Meredith leaned over to show Alex the stitch again.

"She seems… like one of _those_ girls," Emily said after a while. They were almost all done their lunch and now were practicing different stitches. "Vain, money hungry. I mean-" She stopped herself. "I could totally be wrong. Maybe she's kind and loving. Maybe she isn't even Mark's daughter at all. I mean, what are the chances?"

"From what I heard, pretty high." Cristina remarked and she shot her friend a glare. "What? The way Sloan got around before he met you? I'm surprised no one's resurfaced with an STI. Has he ever given _you_ an STI?"

"Not funny," Emily snapped and Meredith sighed.

"Thanksgiving," she reminded and they quickly faded to silence.

.

"Another glass of wine, please." Emily raised her crystalline wine glass and Callie generously poured it with a smile that said _you're gonna need it._ They were having dinner in Callie's apartment and Sloan had decided to plop right between Emily and Mark. Managing a smile, she grabbed the bowl of mashed potatoes and spooned dollops of it onto her plate before passing it to the young blonde.

"Thanks. I am _starving,_ " she expressed with wide eyes. "It was a long wait." _It takes time to make good food._ She thought in her head but didn't let it show as Mark gave her a look behind Sloan. He pleaded for her to just be pleasant. They could talk about it after. If they had time. The younger Sloan was moving into their apartment - an idea Mark had just sprung on her. _Whatever. I'll at least try to like you._ She concluded as Sloan smiled.

"No problem," the brunette said and as soon as it was handed off, she reached for the gravy. Arizona sent her a sympathetic smile across the table and she shrugged. The peds surgeon offered her the plate of steak and she took a slab with a slightly-more-enthusiastic-stab than what was needed.

"Who wants turkey?" Callie broke the awkward silence.

"Oh, I do," Arizona volunteered and took a generous amount of stuffing to go along with the bird. Taking a bite, the blonde exaggerated the taste of it. "Oh, wow, this is great, Emily. Where'd you learn how to make this stuffing?"

"My mom," she supplied, "but it doesn't work when you don't know how to make a turkey." Arizona chuckled before taking another bite. Callie shifted to steal a bite from her girlfriend's plate.

"Holy cow," the Latina groaned, "that's heaven." Laughing, Emily returned her attention to her own plate. Dinner passed in relative camaraderie. They made their best efforts to include Sloan but it was slightly awkward whenever she came into question. Mark kept glancing at his daughter but otherwise said nothing. Afterwards, as they cleaned up the table, Mark pulled her away.

"I'm sorry," he confessed and she smiled slightly. "I should've asked you but she has nowhere to go and-"

"It's fine. Just for now, okay? Until she figures life out, she can stay here," she assured him and he smiled, kissing her gratefully. "You better make it up to me at Christmas." He laughed and kissed her again, longer and deeper. Her arms wrapped around his neck as his settled on her waist. Smiling wider against his lips, she kissed him once more briefly.

"I love you," he whispered, eyes glancing down at the silver chain around her neck to her hazel eyes. Hugging him tightly, she just basked in his heat.

"Happy Thanksgiving, Mark."

"Happy Thanksgiving."

 **Christmas Eve**

She was beginning to stack the presents under the Christmas tree. Emily had just returned from a thirty-six hour shift where many of their friends exchanged gifts with her. Derek and Meredith had pitched in to get the her a few gifts for both her and Mark. Callie and Arizona both got gifts for her and Lexie, Taylor, and even Noah had sent a present. Making sure it was neat and in no one's way, she started with the ornaments. Smiling, she placed a shiny blue one on a branch before picking up a silver one, no particular color scheme in mind.

Sloan walked past her, wearing a deep v-neck and holding a bottle of nail polish. "Hey, wanna help me decorate the tree?" she offered, picking up a darker matte blue ornament this time. She scoured the boxes for more and found some white bulbs and bows in all different colors. Balancing on the balls of her feet, she hung the blue ornament on the higher branch.

"No, thanks," the blonde replied and proceeded to sit at the countertop. Emily's smile faded when the younger woman turned around. Sighing softly, she continued to decorate the tree, adding a silver bow here and a blue ornament with white snowflakes there. Once finished, she took out the tinsel with a soft rustling sound when Mark came up to her.

"How's the work going?" he asked, taking her hand and tracing small circles on the back of it. She grinned, drawing her hand away and disappearing around the tree with an armful of tinsel. Beginning to wrap it around carefully so to not knock off the delicate ornaments, she winded it up the evergreen.

"Great. I just have to get the lights up and the star," she said. "Wanna help?" He had a sheepish expression on his face and looked at his feet, shifting awkwardly. She continued on with her work for a while as he kept speaking, glancing at his daughter.

"So… have you - I mean, uh, you think you could ask her how long she's planning to stay?" The brunette looked at her boyfriend and rolled her eyes.

"Mark," she began sternly, "she's been here for a month. Three sentences were shared between you - two of them were 'pass the cereal. We went Christmas shopping for the tree and you asked if she wanted to come, and I had to talk to her the _whole_ time." Letting a small smile appear on her face, she glanced at the unaware blonde. "Hey." Her hand rubbed his arm in comfort. "It's Christmas. Get in the spirit and get over there, exchange more than three words. Mark, she's your daughter. Just - just try to be her dad, okay?"

He frowned and looked away. Tilting her head, she waited until he rose his head up just enough for her to see a peek of blue. "Fine." Turning him around, she pushed him towards his daughter before turning around and uncoiling the lights. Spying over her shoulder, she watched as he strolled up to her awkwardly.

"What are you looking at, you old perv?" Sputtering out a laugh, she turned around to silence the peals of laughter as she began resting the lights on the branches.

 **Christmas Day**

Owen and Emily got to Meredith's house at around five after an emergent trauma surgery. Mark greeted her with a kiss, helping her take off her jacket to reveal her outfit for the night. It was simple grey cardigan with a white drape shirt and black leggings. Toeing off her boots, she wrapped an arm around his waist as Owen slipped past them to sit on the couch. Taylor was sitting on a chair across from Teddy near the fireplace while Lexie sat on its arm rest. His hand rested casually on her hip and he occasionally shared glances with the younger brunette.

"Want a drink?" she asked and he nodded with a quick reply of scotch. "Comin' right up," she teased and slipped away into the kitchen where Meredith was preparing dinner. "I hope you didn't cook that," she said warily and Meredith grinned. She looked fantastic in a grey patterned sweater, transferring the little rolls onto a cleaner presentation plate.

"Nope. Lex and Taylor did."

"Thank God." Rolling her eyes, Meredith continued with her task as Emily took out two glasses. Pouring the warm-colored liquid, she capped it and brought out the brandy. She was about to say something when someone else came in.

"Your sister's got a ready-made family there." Thatcher Grey came in, picking up a grape and popping it into his mouth. He had a half-smile on his face as his estranged daughter forced a smile. Excusing herself quietly, she made her way back into the living room just as Meredith's reply left the her lips. Handing his drink to Mark, she listened to Arizona and Dr. Webber sing. Sloan came up to them at one point and Emily raised her head from Mark's shoulder.

"Hey, do you have my money back?" she asked cordially and Sloan froze, soda in hand.

"Erm, no, but I'll give it back." Sensing the lie, Emily narrowed her eyes to make the younger woman uncomfortable before returning back to the festivities.

"It's okay. You can keep it," she muttered. _You probably already spent it,_ the brunette added in her mind as her hazel eyes darted up to Mark. He looked at them with a slight tinge of awkwardness. Sloan slipped away to the bathroom as Emily sighed softly. "Whatever."

"Thank you." He kissed her temple and she melted into him, leaning into his warmth as the hand around her waist tightened its grip. "I know it isn't easy."

"Well, you didn't know she was even alive, so-" She shrugged as Derek announced they were going to start setting up dinner. "I'm gonna go help out. Can you hold this?" Mark's mouth opened to respond and she placed her glass in his hand before she slipped into the kitchen to help Meredith with the final dishes.

.

"What a dinner party," Sloan commented and collapsed on the couch. She lounged across the whole spanse as Emily crouched down in front of the Christmas tree. They had already opened a few before work but there were still some left. Mark crouched down beside her, phone in hand as a tell-tale sign he had taken a picture.

"Here, open this one," Emily suggested, giving her boyfriend the present she got him while he handed her one wrapped in red. Looking at the tag, she flushed when she saw it was him. Sloan raised her head when she realized she was being ignored and stood, coming over to them.

"Is there one for me?" she asked hopefully and Emily did indeed give her one. Handing a small flat box to her, she watched as a mix of emotions went through her face. "Thanks." The blonde turned on her heel, walking around the partition to signify what was 'her' room.

Turning to her own present, she glanced as Mark. He had begun to carefully untape the wrapping paper to reveal a dark blue box. Ripping the red paper gently, she pulled it back to reveal a small box.

"What is this?" she asked teasingly and he smiled, leaning over to kiss her quickly. He raised the velvet box and cracked it open. The brunette watched as his eyes widened and he carefully lifted his gift like it was precious cargo. Out came a sterling silver watch, it's grey face and white numbers shielded by a glass covering. "Do you like it? I knew your last watch is kind of broken so I-"

"It's perfect," he assured. "Open yours." Turning back to her own present, she cracked it open to reveal a dark piece of fabric. Frowning slightly in confusion, she lifted it up and flipped it inside out to reveal a scrub cap. Its design was beautiful - faded white swirls with gentle slopes that were dotted with different sized, pure white stars. There were some in clusters and others a muted blur to signify the truly massive universe of the Milky Way. "It's your lucky charm. You're mine, but I want you to have your own."

"I won't be able to wear this in surgery though," she reminded and he grinned.

"Then you'll keep it with you until you become an attending. Just because you can't wear it doesn't mean you can't have it," he said and she hugged him tightly. "Merry Christmas, Em. I love you."

"Merry Christmas, Mark." She murmured and pressed him harder against her. "I love you, too."

.

As they lay in bed that night, Emily felt Mark sigh heavily and looked over from where she was reading.

"Are you okay?" she asked, lightly patting his pec and he looked at her, pushing himself up. Sitting up straight, Mark sighed again.

"There's a reason I can't talk to her," he began. "It's the guilt, of me not being there." Emily closed her book, setting it on the nightstand and lying down against him." I knew when her mom got pregnant. I just… I gave her a couple hundred bucks for an abortion and I left town. I knew her mom was pregnant."

Emily shifted against him, hugging him closer and his eyes closed as she pecked the side of his neck.

"Well, you aren't some teenager anymore. You know better," she said and he leaned over to turn off the lights. "And this is your chance to make it up to her. So, let's go to bed, and tomorrow, you can try again." He pulled the blankets up and she added, "And you need to tell me how you're making that instrument for the AVM. I need to be in on that surgery."

"You will be, don't worry," he murmured sleepily and she smiled in the dark, falling asleep to his heartbeat.

 **New Year's Eve**

"She shows no signs of leaving," Emily said, coming out of the bedroom and putting on a hoodie. "Talk to her, now," she urged and went to go to the bathroom as he slowly walked up to his daughter. Stepping into the room, she paused with her hand on the tap, waiting.

Pregnant. His daughter was _pregnant. What a joke,_ Emily thought bitterly as she turned on the sink and picked up her toothbrush. _What a sick joke._

.

Emily stood beside Meredith as they watched Derek test the instrument.

"Oh, how's it handling?" Arizona asked as he uncoiled the instrument and bended the wire gently. The neurosurgeon looked up from the microscope and said that it could bend a little more gently.

"Don't get all critical. Thing cost me a fortune," reprimanded Mark and Emily chuckled. Derek sighed and glanced at his best friend.

"I could use one more day to practice. Okay." Derek lowered the prototype as Arizona widened the nasal cavity. "Inserting the clip applier." Down it went, Mark's fingers steadying it. The camera was travelling deeper and Emily watched the clip applier move along with it until it got stuck.

"Why don't you try torquing it a little to get a different angle?" With a twist of the wrist, Derek reached a different vantage and could maneuver it easier. Mark nodded and Emily stared at the screen intensely, Meredith beside her. The camera was on the AVM then, watching it pulse as the clip appliers slowly approached it. Its jaws opened and Derek clipped it. It turned a dark maroon in front of their eyes as Derek announced they were done. Arizona exclaimed her relief and pulled back, blinking repeatedly.

"Ladies and gentlemen, we're done here."

"Nice work. Beautiful."

"Oh, my god. You did it," Meredith sighed and turned to Emily.

"That was amazing," the brunette agreed and they hugged tightly before pulling back. It was obvious they were both smiling as they turned to the table. Derek did a double take at the clock and spoke up.

"Hang on. Look at the clock." There were only ten seconds until New Year's Day. "And that's uh, seven, six…" the rest of the staff joined in.

"Five, four, three, two, one. Happy New Year!" They all erupted into applause, even the people watching in the gallery as Emily walked around to approach Mark. Arizona kissed his cheek through their masks before he turned to her. Smiling, she pressed their masks together, rubbing noses. Giggling, she walked around him to give a one-sided hug to Arizona. The peds surgeon rested her head on the younger surgeon's before the brunette broke away.

"Happy New Year, everyone!" Arizona announced as they began to put the instruments away. Mark ripped off his gloves and gown, removing the mask from his face as the attendings walked to the scrub room. Emily stayed behind to help transfer the boy to his room and he looked at her, grinning stupidly. _Happy New Year._

 **A/N: Edited - October 21, 2018**

 **Next: Arguments, Addison's advice, and moving to a frat house.**


	44. Break Up

_So it always comes as a shock. The moment you realize it's over. One minute you're standing on solid ground, the next minute, you're not._

 _-Meredith Grey_

* * *

Mark woke her when he drew his hand away from hers. Her back was pressed against his chest, hands holding onto one of his that was draped over her waist. His thighs pressed against her bum as he propped himself up on an arm. She opened her eyes, squeezing them shut again at the light and turned towards Mark. Burying her face in his chest, she inhaled his scent.

"Good morning," he whispered and she groaned. He chuckled, deep and raspy with sleep. It rumbled in his chest and resonated under her ears. His hand rested on her arm, rubbing up and down, sending shivers up her spine.

"Not yet," she mumbled and he nosed the hair away from her ear.

"I need something from you," he murmured and she pulled back, hazel eyes searching his blue ones. She snuggled deeper into his warmth and his hand rested on the small of her back. Her slim arms wrapped around his chest as he continued, "I need you to give Sloan an ultrasound today. It's been almost three weeks."

"Mhm, and someone from OB can't?" she shot back into his chest before tilting her chin up and kissing the hollow of his throat.

"They can but she likes you. You did get her a new pair of earbuds," he reminded and she sighed dramatically. He kissed her fully on the lips and she chuckled.

"She likes me?"

"Yeah," he affirmed. "All the Sloans do." A mischievous glint in his eyes, he helped her roll over to rest completely on top of him. Forearms planted firmly on the pillow on either side of his head, she raked her hair to one side of her head. It now reached a bit past her shoulders and she had planned to grow it back out again. Tugging his shirt off, she giggled against his mouth as he rolled them over. Her hands travelled down his waist to pull at his boxers.

"Really, now?" she whispered and their lips met again quietly. He laughed deeply as his hand took both of her wrists and pinned them above her head.

"Hey, do you have anymore - oh, ew!" Sloan exclaimed as she entered their room. The blonde's horrified expression was the last thing they saw as she backed out. Mark yelped, skittering off his girlfriend. She groaned as he swung his legs around to the edge of his bed and pulled on his pants. Sighing, she got up with shivers. _Great._ _She's gonna monopolize the bathroom_ again _. Hopefully Callie and Arizona don't use all the hot water._ Grabbing on a bathrobe, she gathered her toiletries and walked out the bedroom, not sparing anyone a hello before opening the door and walking across the hall.

 _._

"Can we stop for Starbucks before?" Sloan asked as Emily walked with her across the street. "It's literally right there." Shaking her head, she fished for her ID card.

"No. I have to get to work and I need to give you an ultrasound." Entering the hospital, she walked up to one of the nurse's and showed her her ID. "Can you take her to an exam room? She needs an ultrasound." The nurse nodded with a smile and proceeded to guide her away.

"Why aren't you going with me?" For once, Sloan looked slightly afraid as the nurse paused. "Aren't _you_ supposed to be giving me the ultrasound?"

"Yeah. I'll be just there, okay? I just need to change." Emily's tone softened and the blonde seemed to calm a bit. "Count it down - ten minutes tops." Nodding to the nurse, she began walking to the resident's lounge and begun changing. Clipping her ID card to the pocket of her lab coat, she grabbed her notepad and extra pens too before heading up to the exam rooms. Coming into the room, she saw Sloan. The blonde's head turned at the sound as Emily closed the door behind her.

"Seven minutes," the younger woman said and the brunette smiled. "So, what do I have to do?" Taking a sheet and a pillow, she instructed her to lift up her feet. Placing the pillow underneath, she made sure it was comfortable before draping the teenager's lower body with the sheet.

Rolling up her sleeves and snapping on a pair of gloves, she grabbed the bottle of ultrasound gel. "Lift up your shirt. Now, this is gonna feel cold but don't worry. It won't kill you," Emily explained just as she squirted the bottle of gel onto Sloan's stomach. Turning on the machine, she navigated the wand and watched as the image came onto the screen. "See, there's your baby right there." His heartbeat filled the room as she moved it farther away from her. "Here's the head." There was something bittersweet about seeing the little squirming fetus. She never got an ultrasound; never knew its gender. Yet, this girl did and it made Mark happy.

But it brought such a stabbing pain to her. Losing her baby - it was just another reminder that she had lost Tom. It had been over a few months and it still felt like yesterday. If she closed her eyes, she could just imagine the blood staining her thighs-

Sloan chuckled, a proud smile on her face. "It looks like an alien." It brought her from haze and her eyes darted down to Sloan's blue ones. The very same ones she had been staring at that morning. _I wonder if our baby would have Mark's eyes or mine._

"It'll be a very cute alien," Emily assured.

Sloan asked, "A boy alien or a girl?" The brunette looked at the screen, moving the wand back towards where the feet were. Squinting, she tried to identify what she thought it was. Shifting it to the other leg, she saw the same picture. If it was what she thought it was - amniotic bands around the legs - then the baby was in serious danger. "Dude, does it have a thing or not?"

"No, I'm not looking at that. I'm..." she trailed off, wondering whether or not to hide the truth. Thinking fast, she let out a sharp breath. "Let's go upstairs to OB. They have a better ultrasound machine and I just want to make sure-"

"Make sure of what?"

"I'm sure it's nothing," she soothed, "Come on. I'll get you Starbucks if you'll just agree with me." Sloan looked unconvinced but let her doctor wipe away the gel on her stomach and removed the sheet. "Follow me."

.

"Sloan said you didn't want to be in a room with her," Mark said, voice full of annoyance as he approached her. She looked up from where she looked into the window. Sloan was texting on her phone. "What'd you say?"

"I didn't say anything," she replied. _But I must've let what I thought show on my face._

"Then why do I have to chaperone the ultrasound?" he asked and she stared at him.

"There's something wrong with the baby. I think it's amniotic bands but I'm not sure until OB gets here, okay?" she informed and the color drained from his face as he came into the room. Sloan sat up as her father came to stand beside her. Emily looked between the two through the window before turning to a nearby nurse.

"Page O.B."

"Right away, doctor." Smiling stiffly, she turned and opened the door to go into the exam room.

.

"Addison," Emily greeted as she handed the redhead the fetal M.R.I. scans. Addison greeted her with a warm hug and the brunette smiled. "Hey."

"How are you?"

"Good. How's L.A.?" They passed Reed who gawked at Addison. The poor resident nearly dropped all her charts as they continued on.

"Great. And how are things with the grandpa?"

"Grandpa?" Emily echoed, amused. "Well, I guess." She fiddled with the necklace as if her hand had a mind of its own. "Having his daughter in our home isn't easy."

"How do you feel about it?"

"I think I can do it. I love him."

"Loving someone doesn't mean you should bend backwards for them. A relationship shouldn't be like that," Addison commented and Emily looked away. She knew the redhead had personal experience. "If you love someone, it doesn't mean you two have the same needs. If you love someone, you need to tell them what you can and can't do." They reached Sloan's room where Arizona was waiting for them with Mark. "Think about it." Entering the room, the redhead left Emily alone.

For a moment, the brunette watched through the window, and then she turned around, walking away.

.

Emily opened the door, shoving the keys into her purse as she threw it onto the couch. Taking off her jacket, she threw it over the back of the couch as well and rubbed her forehead with her fingers. Mark followed in after her, taking off his jacket and staring at her carefully. Sloan was still in the hospital and the brunette was grateful for it. _Move in. He wants his daughter and a baby to move in. He said a baby in a year or two. Not months. Not a baby that isn't even mine._ Mark closed the door behind her as she spun around, waiting.

"I should've asked you first, I know-" he began but she cut him off.

"Yeah, you should've," she snapped.

"But I was so excited - so sure it was the right thing. And you know why? Because of you. Since you, I know, for the first time in my whole life, what the right thing is. You have turned my whole world and you have made me better." Emily's resolve faded but she reinforced it when she looked around their apartment. Imagining a baby running around the couch, Mark scooping him up as Sloan went to school maybe, or a job, she couldn't see herself there. She couldn't.

Looking away, she sighed. "I am really happy for you. You became a dad and Sloan, in someway, became a mom. But, I'm not ready." She murmured, anger melting away, and he looked at her with such wretched despair that she felt her heart nearly break. He knew what was coming. "I don't want a grandbaby, Mark."

"This is what you do for family, right?" he asked, voice twisted with uncertainty. "You would want to do this for Noah, _right_?"

"Don't play the brother card," she cut him off before he could say anything else. "You can't make me out to be the selfish one." Her voice became stronger. "You unilaterally decided that Sloan would move in with her _infant._ " There was a long pause and he leaned against the high bar chair.

"We can get a bigger place," he tried. "She needs us." She tried to smile but it became bittersweet. The anger was gone now, just replaced with dejection.

"Don't play dumb, Mark. You know why I can't do this." Her voice shook and it was like her heart plummeted to the floor. She bit her lip and looked at the tile beneath her feet. She was back there again - in Boston as the world fell around her. The rain cold against her cheeks, the colors dull and grey. "Besides," she continued, "she needs her father. Not me."

"Em-"

"No - I won't let you make me submit. And I won't let you throw away your daughter when she's pregnant." Laughing in disbelief, she swept a hand to their apartment. "Look around you. Can you even see me in this picture, with your daughter and your grandson?" Mark was quiet and she felt the breath stutter in her throat. "Can you see me here, if you choose her?"

"Em, I-"

"I love you. I will always love you. But maybe our futures aren't together. Maybe it wasn't supposed to be like _this,_ " she whispered. Biting her lip, she blinked and realized that her eyes were stinging. The tears were not yet fully formed but the pain was familiar. Breathing in, she nodded as if in acceptance and walked up to him. His body didn't move as her hands reached up to unclasp the necklace - the movement so practiced it was done in mere seconds.

Looking at the necklace, the symbol that they were in love and happy and were forever, didn't shine as brightly as it once did in Emily's eyes. She took his hand, the one that was adorned with the watch she gave him on Christmas and placed the necklace like it was precious cargo in his open palm. "Tell me right now, would you choose me over your daughter?" she asked, voice steady.

"No."

"Good." She balanced on the balls of her feet and kissed him one last time. "But, that means I have to walk away. I'm going to pack my things and go. But we'll see each other at work." He nodded, unable to look at her as she pressed another kiss to his mouth. "And maybe we can be friends, but… I don't know."

"I love you," he murmured under his breath and she hugged his neck as he pressed their foreheads together. "I can't lose you."

"I need to do what's right for me. And you can't miss this. I know you want a family - something I can't give you right now - and this is your chance." He pressed a bruising kiss against her mouth and she cried against him, the taste of him invading her tongue. "We'll see each other at work?"

"Yeah," he whispered against her mouth and she trailed her fingers down the side of his face, pulling away. "Where are you gonna stay? Are you gonna be okay?" She took a few steps back before she could be sucked in again and nodded, wiping away her tears that were already drying.

"Yeah, of course. I… I'll figure something out."

The brunette turned around and brought out a suitcase and began filling it with clothes, her toiletries and other things. Moving to the drawer tops, she glanced over the pictures that they had taken - one over Christmas, others throughout the other holidays - before continuing to the door. Going out to the living room, she realized Mark was gone. She hadn't even heard him leave but she welcomed it because otherwise it would've been awkward. Scanning the shelves, she took out her various medical journals and Tom's album. Finding his journal as well, his letter tucked between pages, she packed those before moving to his box of things. It only held his guitar and she decided not to take it. It'd be too bulky and… and she was past it. She was okay.

Zipping up her bags, she continued on towards the exit.

Every step felt like another mistake. Putting on her YSL cream coat, she searched through her bag to find her set of keys for the apartment. Might as well lock it behind her. Pulling her luggage behind her, she walked past the red velvet love chair that she loved to snuggle with Mark on if there was time - maybe a blanket wrapped around the both of them as they shared a cup of hot chocolate. It seemed to be bleached of color and out of nostalgia, she walked over to it. Running a hand over the fabric, she smiled fondly at its memories but frowned when she saw a black slip of something sticking out between the frame and back cushion. Pulling it out, she realized it was _the scrub cap._ The galaxy one, the stars still bright and smelling of Mark.

The last time he had touched it… it was yesterday. Took it out of her bag and tied it around her head so she could pretend. Sloan wasn't in the apartment then. She was shopping for something or other and for a moment, there was no pregnant daughter or bitterness about it and Tom's death never happened. She was just with the man she loved. They were imagining a surgery as he stood behind her, kissing a trail down her neck. He had untied it, letting her curls fall. Then it had been thrown away as he had carried her to the bedroom.

She shook it off. Emily didn't know whether to bring it or not. It would be some years until she became an attending and she didn't know if this would still be something she'd have, something she'd love. Then she realized that, no, she'd never love someone as much as she loved Mark. There would never be anyone like him.

Swallowing thickly, her fingers curled around the smooth fabric and she brought it to her nose and inhaled his fresh scent. _So many memories,_ she thought as she looked around one last time. She was really leaving him. She was leaving _this_ life behind.

"Goodbye," she whispered to the empty air and she turned around to leave for what seemed like forever.

.

When Mark came home, he found all her things gone. Even her medical journals and little trinkets that he'd thought she wouldn't take in such a short notice. His heart ached as he walked around his empty apartment, her smell still lingering. Looking into their - no, _his_ room - he found the bed neat and everything pristine. Returning to the living room, he plopped down on the red love chair Emily seemed fond of. Remembering the day before, when everything was different, he twisted around and dug his hand between the cushion and the frame. He needed one last piece of her, one last remnant of her to remember even when she was gone.

Closing his eyes, he retracted his hand and leaned down on the loveseat.

Figures she'd take every part of her when she left. He didn't deserve it.

.

She let herself in using the spare key that was hidden behind the bench swing post. Pulling her luggage up the stairs, she tried to be as discreet as possible as she quietly walked past Izzie's former room. There was a loud moan and a giggle that Emily recognized as Lexie.

"You'll pay for that," a masculine voice on the other side growled. The brunette knew it was Taylor.

"Oh, yeah?" Lexie challenged and Emily shivered, making a face as she walked to Alex's old room. It was empty and she set her bag against the wall and took off her jacket. Flopping down on the bed, she let her back meld into the mattress as she stared blankly at the ceiling. Time seemed like an idea foreign to her until there was another set of footsteps.

"Oh, what the hell?" Alex complained and Emily looked up from where she was making patterns in the ceiling. "What're you doing in here?"

"I need a place to stay," she replied and resumed staring at the ceiling as there was a loud shriek. "And I can't move to Izzie's old room - clearly Taylor is Lexie's plus one." Alex sighed, letting his stuff drop to the ground as he jumped on the beside her.

"I'm sick of living in that damn trailer," he told her and she made a sound of agreement. "Thought you and Sloan were shacking up."

"I broke up with him," she told him softly and he looked over at her. He was propped up on his elbows and she tilted her head to look at him. He frowned and he shimmied off the bed, getting up. He was about to leave when she lifted her head up again. "Where're you going?"

"Getting beer. Stay here," he instructed and she nodded, letting her head plop back down. He returned with two bottles and she sat up. He cracked one open for her before doing the same for himself. "Why'd you leave?"

"Sloan's having a baby." She tipped the bottle up, letting the yeasty liquid run down her throat. "I don't think I can handle it. I _know_ I can't handle it." He took a swig of beer and didn't reply. Sighing, she just kept drinking until she finished up her beer. "I thought everything would be okay. After therapy - after I saw those pictures and read those letters, that maybe we'd be okay. Maybe we'd get married and have kids down the road."

"I've learned to never make plans." He shrugged and set his empty bottle next to hers on the floor. "You still love the guy?"

"Yeah. I do."

"Huh." There was no other conversation as Alex leaned back on his bed. "You wanna sleep here for the night? I can crash on the couch or something-"

"No, it's alright. I can go to the attic." She waved it off and stood. He groaned and swung his arms to get himself up. "Alex."

"Relax. I'm just getting your stuff. Don't trip on my crap," he added with a pointed look at the garbage bags. "Extra blankets are in the corner, don't smash the Christmas ornaments and the other crap Mer stores up there," he warned as he opened the door to the attic. Groaning, Emily got in first and spotted the clean but unused mattress on the floor. Folded blankets were in the corner with a pillow on top. Dropping her bag and jacket there, she sighed.

"Who's the last to get in here?"

"The same person having an orgasm in my 'wife's' room." Sticking out her tongue at her friend, she allowed him room to plop her stuff down on its back and she unzipped it. All her clothes were still neatly packed and she rubbed her temple.

"Do you think Meredith's gonna know that I'm here?"

"Do you want her to?" he shot back and he shoved his hands in his pockets. Emily thought about it and she shrugged expressively.

"If she knows, then cool but I don't want anyone to tell her. I think I'll just try to hide it out for a few days."

"If you say so. I'll leave you to it. Come down if you need me, alright, Em?" She hugged him tightly and his hands tentatively rested on her shoulder blades.

"Thank you, Alex," she whispered and he chuckled. "Goodnight," he pulled away and grinned.

"'Night."

 **A/N: Edited - October 21, 2018**

 **Next: Bitter words, Derek's Chief, and Callie has chickenpox.**


	45. Chickenpox

_So we build the walls high and wide, and we lock the gates._

 _-Jo Wilson_

* * *

Emily woke up and nearly fell a five centimeter drop to the floor. Teetering on the edge, she rolled back onto her back and slapped the mattress with a groan. Rubbing her eyes, she got up and crawled to her baggage. Picking out an outfit, she threw it onto her bed before grabbing her bag of toiletries. Dragging herself to the bathroom, she found Alex inside the shower.

"Does Mer know yet?"

"Nope," he yelled back as she brushed her teeth. "Hey." She glanced to her left and saw his head poking out from the shower curtain. "Hand me my towel." Pausing with the toothbrush in her mouth, she grabbed it and passed it to him. Resuming her brushing, she spat out a wad of toothpaste and saliva before brushing again. "Thanks." She made a noise as if to say 'you're welcome' but it came out garbled.

Rinsing her mouth, she wiped her mouth. Alex stepped out of the shower, towel wrapped around his waist. "Can I?"

"All yours." He gestured and she stripped as he left. She showered quickly, stepping out the shower fifteen minutes later and wringing out her hair in a towel. Scampering back to the attic, she changed into her clothes before going down to the main floor. Trying to brush out her stringy hair, she walked past Lexie and Taylor who blushed when she caught them kissing.

"That's not all I heard last night," she told them bluntly. They became even redder, too stunned to even ask why she was there. Going to the kitchen, she spotted Alex near the sink. "Morning again." She yawned and grabbed a slice of bread from the bag he left open. Tying it closed, she ate it plain as Meredith came down.

"What - why are you - nevermind. This is a frat house enough."

"Izzie's coming back by the way," Alex informed and Emily sat down on the chair. "She broke up with Sloan," he added, looking at Mer. The blonde frowned and Emily smiled stiffly.

"I'm fine. We're fine." Taking Alex's offered cup of orange juice, she used it to wash down her bread. "First time moving in here. I already feel welcomed," she said dryly. "Hey, are we gonna tell Iz that her bedroom is now occupied."

"Hi." They all turned around to see Izzie, smile upon her face and a suitcase behind her. "Occupied by who?"

.

She was doing checking up on Callie's post-ops when Arizona rolled up to her on her Wheelies. "Emily. I need a favor." Turning to the blonde, she closed the chart. "We have a situation." Getting the idea, she frowned.

"What happened to Callie?" Gesturing for Emily to follow her, they went to one of the secluded rooms that was normally used for infectious diseases. Callie paced back and forth, scratching at her neck.

"The chicken pox." Arizona glanced at the brunette and they had a staring contest.

"Em? Em is the 'World Class' specialist you wanted me to see?" the Latina snapped and Emily grinned, stepping inside.

"Woah, wait. Emily has had the chickenpox when she was eight."

"How do you-"

"I snooped through your personnel file. I," she addressed Callie again, "on the other hand, have not nor did I have the vaccine." Callie scratched at her wrist as Emily chuckled at Arizona's response.

"You're a pediatrician. How have you never had the-"

"No, I am a pediatric surgeon. I don't do little diseases on little people. I do big surgeries on little people." The peds surgeon smiled at her girlfriend who made a break for the entrance. Arizona closed the glass door, saying how highly contagious Callie was. "I love you," The woman assured as Callie scratched her neck.

"No scratching," Emily reprimanded.

"I am going to kill you."

"Stop scratching, 'cause you're just gonna make it worse and then you're gonna scar." Stopping hesitantly, Callie plopped back on the bed. Arizona left with a final smile. Emily closed the glass door and locked it.

"I'll be right back with charts. _Don't scratch!_ " she reminded when Callie's hand reached up to clawed at her neck. It fell back guiltily and Emily made a mad dash for the ortho wing. Picking up all the charts she was assigned to do, she returned to Callie's room. She tied the gown firmly around her waist and snapped on a pair of gloves. Opening the sliding door, she slipped inside and closed it again. "If you don't stop scratching, I'll give you the gauze paws," she warned and Callie basically sat on her hands to prevent the action.

"I'm trying!" The woman gritted out but in the end, she couldn't stop herself. "No, please!"

"Gauze paws!" Emily announced and went through the drawer to take out rolls of the white bonding material. "Give me your hand."

"No."

"Callie."

"No."

"Give me your hand!" she snapped and Callie reluctantly surrendered the appendage. Emily wrapped the hand tightly but not too tight that it cut off circulation before doing it to her other hand. "See? Now you can't scratch at all."

"I hate you."

"You love me. Now, work. Tibial plateau fracture in twenty-two forty."

.

"Work was supposed to keep your mind off the itching."

"Scratching will keep my mind off itching. Now take 'em off!" Emily sighed, putting down the pen and closing the binder. Crossing a leg over the one she was standing on and resting the toe of her shoe against the floor, she just ignored her. "Hey. _Hey."_ Looking up, she pinned the older woman with a glare. I'm an attending. You're a resident."

"You're a patient and I'm the doctor. Now sit down and stop scratching," she ordered. Callie squirmed, eyes becoming glossy as her voice broke.

"Please let me scratch," she began desperately, "just for five minutes."

"It'll scar."

"I don't care. Scars are hot. Scars are badass. Scars are poetic. I'm begging you." Although she was sympathetic, she still held her ground and shook her head. Callie seemed to vibrate as she shook even harder to prevent herself from scratching. Her voice broke and she nearly began crying. "I'm in pain - 'down to the core of my being' pain, 'I'm going crazy' pain, 'scary, will this ever go away' pain. Do-do you get that? Do-do-do you know what I- do you know what I mean when I - when I say that? Because this pain is 'need to scratch an itch that I ca-can't scratch.' 'The pain of a thousand itches,' and it's making me crazy." The ortho attending took a sharp quivering breath and her whole body shook. Emily tried desperately to not listen, to block it out as she continued. "Not 'funny' crazy. This is 'bad' crazy, okay? It's 'dark' crazy. It's 'make a suit out of someone else's skin' crazy, okay? Pain, Em, _pain._ "

"I broke up with Mark," she finally said dryly. "And I moved into a frat house and I already miss him. I know what kind of pain you're talking about." Immediately, her friend became silent. "Sit down on the bed and try to sleep. I'll be back to check on you but I'll stay out of your way." Reluctantly, the woman obeyed and Emily walked around the bed to lower the bed.

Making sure her patient was comfortable, the hazel-eyed woman slipped out of the room and headed for the cafeteria. Man, she was starving.

.

"What are you talking about?" Emily spun around on a chair besides Jackson as he watched Meredith do the dissection. Taking a bite of her sandwich, she pressed her feet against the floor to stop to listen.

"She's on this thing-" Meredith began but Cristina hurried to explain.

"Okay, if you had to choose between the thing you love - surgery - and the person you love, which would you choose?"

"You would choose Izzie, right?" Meredith urged and Emily shared a glance with Jackson. They eyed Alex who didn't turn around as the blonde paused with her gigantic tweezers in hand, "Because you two are gonna get back together."

"Shut up."

Jackson piped up first: "Wait, why do you have to choose?"

"That doesn't matter. You just do. Which is it - surgery or love?"

"I want both," Jackson said. Emily nodded in agreement and Cristina groaned.

"That's what I said."

"No, you can't have both."

"Why the hell not?"

"Why the hell is he here?" Cristina asked, switching the topic when she couldn't find an answer. Emily stifled a laugh as she explained that it was for a surgery. Jackson grinned and bit off the end of his baby carrot as Cristina leaned back into her chair. "Okay, whatever. Once again, you cannot have both. You have to choose. Emily, what would you choose?" The brunette raised her head and settled her sandwich down near Jackson's fries.

 _There's nothing to choose,_ she wanted to say. He had not been in her vision and it was in the back of her mind with him in L.A. which she was grateful for. But with Cristina bringing it up, the smile fell off her face. Feeling a heavy weight settle on her shoulders, she resumed her spinning on the chair.

"I broke up with Mark," she announced quietly. "There is nothing to choose."

"Choose what?" Izzie's voice made them all look up but they quickly returned to their work. She joined them for lunch as Cristina re-explained her question. Izzie looked confused as Meredith did a perfect dissection. Emily kept spinning until she accidentally bumped into Jackson. He put a hand on her wrist to stop her and she smiled crazily. Her world was spinning and the only thing that was centered was the warm hand around her wrist.

"You might have to slow down, baby girl," he joked and she laughed quietly. The nickname pierced through the haze and she realized what he was doing. Falling silent, she looked away. Rejoining the conversation, they heard Izzie ask why. Why surgery over love?

"That's what I said," Jackson remarked and she sighed, resting her head against his shoulder. "You okay? Hey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to call you that. I-"

"It's okay. I'm just dizzy - I'm fine," she mumbled and raised her head when her world stopped spinning. Picking up her sandwich again, she took a bite. The brunette was more than aware that Jackson's gaze lingered for longer than what was appropriate.

.

Checking up on Callie, she noted that the woman was sleeping and exited as soon as she could without waking her up. Pulling off her trauma gown and gloves, she turned around only to bump into none other than the very man she dreaded seeing. "Hey," she greeted softly and his eyes scanned her face. As always, they pierced straight into her and she looked away first. "She's sleeping but if you want to go in, you can since you had them when you were… six." He looked surprised she remembered.

"I-"

"I've got to go," she added hurriedly and walked away only to meet Arizona. "Hey."

"How is she?"

"She's sleeping. You can come look. I just let Mark inside." They went back to where Mark was now rubbing Callie to prevent scarring but still allowing comfort. His back faced them and he didn't know they were there. Emily crossed her arms and sighed.

"That should be me."

"I thought you haven't had them before," Emily replied back, confused. Arizona stepped up to become in line with her friend and shook her head. "Besides, they're just best friends. Don't be jealous."

"I had the chickenpox. I told her I hadn't because… I… I find her miraculous… breathtakingly stunning." Emily's eyes trained on the broad expanse of Mark's back. She thought of him as that too. Breathtakingly stunning, jaw-dropping, _magnificent._ She stepped forward and placed a hand against the glass silently, the cold glass warming underneath her hands. "Just… I can't stop looking at her," Arizona continued, "and I was afraid with the ooze and the fevers and the scratching - I just - I wanted to stay in the sexy part of things."

"Well, that's no way to have a relationship," Emily murmured and thought of Mark's red-rimmed eyes, blotchy cheeks and salty tears that traced his cheeks back when they had first gotten together. After the crash...

"He makes scratching look sexy." Emily hummed her agreement, letting her hand fall away from the glass and she took a step back. Shoving her hands into her lab coat pockets, she let her eyes just trace his figure. After a moment, Arizona went towards the glass door and it opened with a click. Backing away, Emily turned and walked back to the resident's lounge.

.

"Hey." Looking up, Emily smiled at Jackson. "Can I sit?"

"Uh, yeah. Sure." Scooting over, she let him set beside her. "What's up?"

"You okay? With Sloan breaking up with you and all?" Smiling tightly, she nodded but refused to look in his eyes. Instead, she trained on her lap and he exhaled quietly. "Can you look me in the eye and say it?" he whispered. Looking up, she allowed her mask to crack.

"No," she admitted and he took a hold of her hand.

"Emily, hey, you'll be okay." His green eyes were kind and she pulled her hand away. "I'm sorry-"

"No, it's okay. You're my friend. I - I just can't because I won't ever love someone as much as I love Mark, y'know?" He nodded and she sighed. "I'm _sorry._ "

"You can't go around thinking there's one person left for you in the world. That's now how the world works." Jackson offered his hand again, palm up. "I am your friend, so let me say this: There will always be someone for you and I know they'll be lining up once news gets out." Smiling to herself, she let her hand drop into his. Squeezing gently, Jackson smiled. "I know we haven't been friends for long, or even good friends, but if you ever need anything-"

"Thank you," she whispered and he nodded, letting go of her hand and standing up. "Goodnight, Jackson."

"Goodnight." He started heading back to the hospital and she smiled despite herself, content with just sitting on the hospital bench for a few more minutes.

.

"Dr. Sloan," Avery greeted as he came back into the hospital. Mark furrowed his eyebrows at the younger surgeon, watching him leave when he saw Emily staring after him. Emily was just sitting on the bench as her fingers played with something dark. Walking out of the hospital, he shoved his hands in his pockets when he realized what she was holding in her hands.

"Hey." She looked up and he realized her eyes were glossy, reflecting what little light there was.

"Hey. How was Sloan's surgery?" she asked carefully, her hands still running through the scrub cap he had given her. His hands clenched. His left, specifically, around the necklace she had given away. The weight of what he did in L.A. was heavier than the necklace and he stared into her hazel eyes. They reflected more gold then, from the washed golden glow of the streetlight and he swallowed thickly.

"I slept with Addison." There was a moment where there wasn't even a single breath. She stood and the stars on the scrub cap were bright against the night as she shoved it into her bag. She swung it onto her shoulder as her mind reeled, trying to understand those four words.

"You… slept with Addison," she repeated slowly and he nodded. "I could've slept with Jackson."

"You _could've_ slept with Jackson."

"Not one-hundred percent sure, but I'm positive. I'm positive he would've because he likes me. We're friends. But y'know what? I'm not you. I don't screw anything that walks on two legs and has a nice set of abs." Her words were bitter, cold. "Because it never, for one moment, occurred to me that 'Hey, I should sleep with my friend because I broke up with the love of my life and I'm hurting.'" Her voice shook and anger set her blood on fire. "I never, _for a single second,_ thought that I should sleep with someone else because you had daughter with a sick baby. You were hurting. And I love you. I love _you_ and I thought you loved me too."

"I do. I-"

"So you slept with Addison."

There was pregnant pause. "You broke up with me," he fired back, "You left me. So I get to sleep with whoever I damn well please." Flinching away, she felt the heart that she had placed so tenderly in her hands for just over a year, be squeezed until it cracked.

"Because I wasn't ready! I wasn't ready for a daughter and a grandbaby," she yelled and he brunette could almost hear her heart shatter as she closed her eyes for a moment. When she opened them, she stared steadily at him. There was no emotion, just a thick, broken voice and glossy eyes. "This is the Mark I thought you left behind." He raised his head defiantly, not saying anything back. "The Mark that just slept with whatever looked good enough for the night. I can't believe this." She laughed disbelievingly. "I - I don't know why I thought I could change you. Why I thought that maybe you changed."

"Once a manwhore always a manwhore, right?"

She swallowed a bitter pill, trying to digest those words she once coaxed out of his head. "You know I never believed in that for a _second._ Don't forget who was there when you had _nothing_. Who supported you, who bought you stupid _scones_ \- don't forget who was your best friend when you were alone for a damn second."

She turned around and walked towards her car in an effort to her anguish. The man she walked away from stood there, frozen and she didn't even glance over her shoulder as the walls around her heart rose. Brick by brick, they rose higher and higher and she enforced it with a lock on the iron-wrought gate.

.

She walked a little bit behind Jackson as they made their way to the lobby. Derek was having a congregation there. Lexie and Alex walked up ahead as they talked about who would get fired. She stayed half a step behind them when they passed the elevators and found that there was already a large amount of people there. They walked behind near Callie and Owen. The attendings turned to say their own greetings and Emily stood in the center of the triangle formed by Callie, Lexie and Jackson. She looked up over the younger brunette's head as Taylor sidled up beside his girlfriend. He kissed her temple and she smiled up at him.

"What the hell is he wearing?" Callie asked, incredulous.

"He looks good. Chiefly."

"He looks like an undertaker." They all directed their gaze at Derek, his lab coat closed over a blue dress shirt. Glancing over her shoulder, she noticed Mark looking at her and held his gaze until he looked away. Sighing, she let her eyes linger before facing forward again. Jackson's fingers brushed over the back of her hand and she caught the motion. Shaking her head, she gave a half-smile.

"I promised him we'd clap," Arizona added and Cristina smirked.

"Oh, now?"

"Who's service are you on?" Emily asked under her breath but Jackson heard her.

"Altman," he said, equally as quiet. "Is he even talking to you?"

"No. Can we not talk about it?" she hissed as Alex turned around to shush them. Shaking her head, they listened to Derek as he began to talk about the hospital's 'former glory' and how rough the past few months were. Once Derek finished, the group of them clapped awkwardly and they dispersed. Callie gestured for her to follow and Emily held up a finger. "Just a second."

"Avery, I need you to round up my charts and bring 'em to room twenty-two fourteen." Dr. Altman instructed and Jackson frowned, confusion etched on his face.

"Oh, Yang usually comes in early to do that. I'm sure-"

"You know what? Yang's not on my service today. You are." With that, the blonde cardiothoracic surgeon walked away as Arizona came up to Alex. Apparently, the man was 'the future of peds'. The source? Bailey.

"What did she say?"

"That you're the best babysitter in the hospital." Emily elbowed Jackson in the ribs and he flinched. "Ow!"

"You don't think peds is hard-core? 'Cause you can say that to my face, Avery." The smirk disappeared pretty fast. He shook his head and cleared his throat, not looking at the head of peds in the eye.

"No. No, ma'am."

"Mhm. Don't let the roller skates fool you. Peds is nothing but hard-core. Rounds in ten," she added with a look at Alex before going over to Callie who was checking something on her phone.

"Shut up Jackson," Emily warned when he opened his mouth to say anything. "Bye, Alex." She waved and he nodded, heading in the direction of the elevators. Jackson turned to Emily with wide eyes and she stared into his disarmingly bright eyes. "Do you like me? A-hundred-percent, in the line you were talking about, like me."

"What?"

"'Baby girl'? Hand-holding - Jackson, I'm not an idiot." She lowered her tone of voice when Meredith walked past. He leaned in closer so he could hear and she looked up at him. "Just, tell me the truth."

"Maybe. I don't know, I just - we're friends." She pressed a hand against his chest and sighed. "Look, I know I have no chance. I know I don't; especially right now. But… think about it because I like you as a friend and I could like you as more and I don't know, okay?"

"Okay. Well, in the meantime, we can stick with friends and we'll see from here."

"Sure. And for the record, even if it doesn't turn out as anything, I'm not gonna hold it against you, alright?" He rubbed the side of his neck sheepishly. "I know Sloan meant a lot to you and I do hope you get back together with him, for both your sakes because he is over there looking at me like I murdered his whole family," he muttered and she chuckled despite herself. Tossing a glance at her ex-boyfriend, Emily saw him glaring daggers at the man she was speaking to.

"May be because I said I could've slept with you," she mumbled and he pulled away.

"You said what?"

"It was during an argument!" She smacked him on the arm. "Come on. You have rounds and I have rounds so we should go be doctors." Smiling, the Avery turned around, going towards the elevator. His head was bowed but there was a slight bounce to his step and she headed towards Callie. Mark was still leaning against the counter and he glanced up when she approached his best friend a few meters away.

"I'm ready for rounds," she said and Callie sent her a curious glance.

"What's going on between you and Avery?"

"Nothing." The brunette looked over her shoulder just as Jackson entered the elevator. "We just have a mutual understanding as friends." The two women looked over to the plastics surgeon who looked back down at his phone. "I can't believe he slept with Addison." They began to walk away from her ex and Callie chuckled.

"More than once." Freezing, she looked at her attending who took a few steps before realizing Emily wasn't beside her anymore. "Oh… no."

"More than once?" Emily echoed. "Of course it was," she growled and stormed past the Latina for the charts.

.

"How're things with Little Grey?" Emily asked. Taylor nudged her and she grinned. "Ooh…"

"Shut up." He muttered half-heartedly. "She's great. Lexie's… she's amazing," the blond huffed and she chuckled. "So, whaddya think about this coup? Shep's Chief, Webber's ousted."

"Hospital politics." She waved the idea way as she opened a chart up and entered a patient's room. The Lisfranc fracture was healing nicely and she checked the vitals and cast. Writing that she had checked up on the patient, she left the chart in the holder by the door before joining Taylor in the hall again.

"So, words on the street is Mark's out and Avery's in. Truth or not?" the blond questioned and Emily sent a sharp glare. "So not?" Relenting, she sighed. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and shook her lightly. "Talk to me."

"Dumped Mark, not with Jackson." She told him and he sighed. "I thought everything'd be okay after the whole therapist-Boston thing."

"Life is pretty funny in a way," he said. "Or not. But at the same time, you gave me my girlfriend."

"You're welcome," she said dryly. "What do you think? Was dumping Mark the right thing?"

"Well, I'm assuming it's because his daughter's having a baby. Beating the dead horse, isn't it?"

"More like macerating it," Emily groused.

"I get it, you left Boston behind you - you turned a page. There's nothing wrong with caring for yourself."

"I guess so." She looked down at her shoes and he pulled his arm away. Turning her to face him, he gripped her arms carefully.

"Hey. Chin up. You still have family who love you. We'll always be here, okay?" He tried to cheer her up and a hint of a smile came to her face as Lexie ran up from behind her. The woman wrapped Emily into a large hug.

"What's this?" she asked, surprised and Lexie peeked up at her. "You aren't a little kid, Lex."

"Yeah but you've been down. I heard you and Mark broke up. That sucks. I thought you guys were perfect." The brunette rambled and Taylor tucked Lexie into his side. "I mean - not that I don't think you are now - it's just, I mean - it's too bad is all I'm saying."

"Sh.. before you say something that'll offend her." Taylor scolded lightly and Lexie beamed up at him. Emily felt warm when she saw the two looking at each other, so pure and new. Gently nudging Lexie in the direction of her boyfriend, she fiddled with the pen in her pocket. Meredith and Derek were just about to leave as well as the married couple made their way to the elevator. "I'm taking her home. Derek and Meredith-"

"Right behind you."

"Yep, there's our ride." Lexie muttered. "Mer, wait up!"

"We will!" Was the response and the younger Grey sighed.

"Come on, Taylor. If we take too long you know Derek's going to complain about missing the game." Lexie's eyes sparked when Taylor raised his eyebrows. There was a challenging glint as if daring Taylor to say that no, the neurosurgeon wouldn't concern himself with something as trivial as football. But then again, neither Lexie or Emily were men.

"Yeah, true. And I'll complain that we missed the game." Taylor sighed. "We'll see you later, Em."

"Tell me who wins." And as the couple left, the blond man looked over his shoulder and yelled:

"Isn't it obvious? Seahawks!"

.

Mark walked into the elevator and spotted her, immediately freezing. She shifted the coat on her shoulders, not her YSL but one of Alex's old coats to protect against the harsher rain, and looked away. He tried to say something but just turned around only for the doors to close in his face. Turning, he walked to the back of the elevator, staring blatantly at his ex.

She looked up at how many floors left, watching the lights go indifferently. How badly he wanted to hold her, to touch her and see her smile, he couldn't even begin to say. But he had said things, she had said things, and he knew he'd never get that image of her, all cold fury, out of his head.

But he could read her like an open book. Endless piles of hurt flowed from her core as she looked to her shoes and back to the numbers above the door.

"Can't we at least be friends?" he finally whispered quietly and she shook her head. The doors opened and she stepped out, turning over her shoulder.

"No, I- I don't have it in me to be just friends with you. Maybe when I've moved on," she said and he swore his heart stopped. "Maybe when I've moved on and you - you have clearly moved on."

"Em, wait."

"Goodnight, Dr. Sloan." Continuing on her way out to the lobby, he exited after her as someone stood up in the waiting area. Avery greeted her with a smile as Karev approached the two. They talked and the smile on her face made his limbs ache. Knowing she was taken care of, he turned the other way despite every fibre of his being wanting to turn him around.

 **A/N: Edited - October 23, 2018**

 **Next: Valentine's Day and moving on.**


	46. Valentine's Day

_Doesn't matter how tough we are, trauma always leaves a scar. It follows us home, it changes our lives, trauma messes everybody up, but maybe that's the point. All the pain and the fear and the crap. Maybe going through all of that is what keeps us moving forward. It's what pushes us. Maybe we have to get a little messed up, before we can step up_

 _-Alex Karev_

* * *

It was Valentine's day. She had planned to have a Valentine and yet she didn't because she broke up with the one person she actually wanted to be her Valentine. Although it had been two weeks since they broke up, she constantly saw him. They never spoke a single word. Because they couldn't. Emily didn't know if it'd lead to her screaming or dying internally more than usual or her pinned in an on-call room. She couldn't risk any of that, so they didn't talk.

It was around six thirty as she finished up her charts. Jackson was finishing up his cardio charts beside her. The man had been a nice companion on the days Meredith or any of her other friends were on shift and she was off - on the off-chance that was.

"Valentine's?" he asked and she shook her head with a laugh. By now, his advances were more of a joke and she swatted at him playfully. "Pity. I really wanted to get some." He winked and she snorted and pushed him away.

"Go away before I find scissors to stab you with," she warned and he chuckled. "We're working anyway."

"On-call rooms," he sang and she sighed, closing the chart. "I'm just saying." She looked at him, eyebrows raised. "Hey, I'm serious this time. It takes two to tango." He wrapped an arm around her waist and twirled her around. Yelping, she stabilized herself on his shoulders. "Come on, Valentine's day."

"Funny joke, Jackson. You are so staying in the friendzone," she teased and he groaned dramatically. "Dude,"

"Dude," he mocked. He was about to say more when their pagers rang. 911 to the E.R.

.

"Taylor, what happened?" she asked as she ran to the E.R. Taylor was there, putting on a trauma gown and a pair of gloves. He paused at the doorway to explain. She followed after him and stood beside the blond as the doors swung open.

"Roof collapse," he explained as the paramedics brought in a young woman. "On Valentine's Day at one of Seattle's most romantic restaurants." Her eyes were wide with fear as the trauma surgeon leapt for the case. Emily felt her blood freeze, watching the devastation of it all from the doorway.

"Clara Walker, thirty, electrical burns to her right arm, leg and chest."

"Is Luke behind me? He was just there and then he was _gone,_ " the woman sobbed and Emily felt herself space out - she was back there when for a moment, Tom wasn't the guy crushed under the concrete and they had just set the dad's shoulder and everything was fine. But it was a short-lived moment and then the wind was knocked out of her. The floor was cold underneath her cheek and she saw his legs underneath the slab of concrete. His chest was so _colorful._ His skin too cold to be human.

"Let's move her to trauma two!" Hunt ordered and she snapped back into it, watching as they brought in another man.

"Lucas Walker, thirty-three. Crushed under lights and a slab of the ceiling. Obvious chest contusions and weak respiratory rate." He had brown hair. Tears streaked his pale face and he tilted his head. She felt like a bomb dropped when Taylor appeared in front of her, sympathetic. He grabbed her by the shoulders and made him look at her.

"Okay, let's take him to bed seven until we can get a trauma room open," Teddy ordered. Her eyes drifted back to the patient and she took a deep breath.

"You don't have to do this," Talor said quietly and she looked up into his blue eyes. Shaking her head, she brushed past him and ignored his words.

"Dr. Altman," she greeted as she hooked him up to monitors. The cardiothoracic surgeon listened to his lungs.

"He's got a pneumothorax. Put a chest tube but otherwise, everything is stable. I'm just worried about cardiac contusions. Page me when you have his scans." Teddy nodded and set down the chart before leaving to tend to another patient.

"Trauma room's open," Bailey announced and Taylor helped her roll Lucas into the room. He immediately took charge, the blond raking his gaze over the E.R. staff. Emily cut his shirt open, revealing his purple-red chest.

"Let's run an abdominal C.T. and a chest x-ray stat. I don't care who you have to push out of the way. You get them," he barked and pulled the ultrasound machine closer. Emily squirted gel onto his abdomen and by that time, the man was already unconscious. "He's got a splenic rupture."

"That's a big hematoma," she agreed. Grabbing the scissors, she stabbed them under his armpit to insert the chest tube. There was a big gulp of air and Emily glanced at his face. He was still unconscious. _Good._ _That's good._ She thought and padded the area with gauze when suddenly, his vitals dropped. "Pulse is seventy over fifty. Taylor, he needs an O.R. now."

"You heard her. Let's move people!" he ordered and raised the bars, pushing away the ultrasound machine. Ripping off her trauma gown and gloves, she helped move the machines and held the doors for the patient. Once inside, they looked upwards. The orange number was still on one when - with a jolt - the elevator began to move. "Em, you don't have to - I can ask someone else-"

"No. I'm okay." The elevator dinged. Pulling out his scrub cap, Taylor tucked his hair underneath it.

"Same age, same appearance. I'd understand if you won't," he tried again and she shook her head, sweeping her hair up into bun. Shoving her hand into her pocket, she took out the scrub cap she always kept with her. _His_ scrub cap.

"Neat cap."

"Mind if I use it?" she asked with a side glance. One floor left. He looked away at the vitals again and saw how low they were.

"Normally, yeah. But on a case like this—" he looked at her again. There was something hardened in those eyes— "no. You wear it." Putting it on, she tied it with practiced fingers at the back of her head. The stars shone brightly in the artificial light and for a moment, she could imagine Tom again. He'd be just in front of her, jumping excitedly up and down as he waited for the doors to open. But the image was gone. The elevator doors opened and they surged onward.

.

They'd be in surgery for three hours already. The partial splenectomy had been successful and they were now trying to control the excessive bleeding around the spleen whilst repairing the liver lac. "Can you see it?" she asked Taylor who shook his head slightly.

"No 'cause I can't see a damn thing. Suction.' Digging through, he sighed. "I need more visibility. Hang another unit of blood. Where the hell is all this blood coming from? Em, dig your hand in there." She scowled, pushing past the intestines and near the spleen. Suctioning as much blood as she could, she carefully moved the kidney around. It wasn't there. "The… intraperitoneal space?" he muttered to himself and she looked up at him. Moving the suction around to vacuum all the blood, she tried to distinguish it herself. Finally, for a split second, it was like everything was clear.

"No. It isn't," she argued. "When I moved the suction - it's in the retroperitoneal space." Poking her fingers around, she still couldn't find it. "Iliac veins?"

"Crap. Where the _hell_ is this coming from?" he barked. "The iliac is clear. Kidneys are good. We need more laps

"Right away, doctor." The monitors started beeping and Emily looked up, eyes wide.

"Pressure's bottoming out, he's losing too much blood."

"We need to switch to damage control." He started removing the retractors.

"No. We can still find it," she protested but he ignored it, reaching for the lap pads. "Taylor, don't you dare remove your retractor. I can find it." Her hands dug around the organs, trying to find it but he began to stuff the lap pads into the cavity. "Taylor-"

"Damage control. Now," he snapped. She kept working and he pinned her with an icy glare. " _Hands off._ "

" _No._ "

"I am your attending, Dr. Moore. _Hands off the patient,"_ he thundered and she did stop. Her hands raised and he stuffed more lap pads. Shaking her head in disbelief, she scoffed and his head immediately snapped upwards. They stared at each other, the beeping of the monitors fading away. His said _give in_ \- hers said _never._

"I will not let this man die." Her gaze returned to the cavity and he cursed. Picking up the suction, she used the other hand to dig around. Blood splashed against her sleeves as she suctioned. It was just coming too fast. Shaking her head, she hunted for the tear - the wound that caused this much damage.

"Two tons of hard metal and concrete landing on a human body at who knows how fast - it's too much stress for the body," the attending snarled and immediately, her blood was set on fire and it roared in her ears. Her heart was pounding so fast and she felt her lip quiver.

" _I know exactly how much stress it is for the body,_ " she shot back, every inch of her being tremble with energy. "I saw it for myself and _I know._ "

"Then pack it and we can operate another time," he tried to dissuade her when finally, _finally,_ she felt her fingers brush over a small tear on the renal artery. Taylor moved and she shot him with a glance without moving her hand at all.

"I will not give up on this man. Not like Tom. If you give up, then I will do this myself!" She swallowed and managed for the quickest of moment, a millisecond or two, to see the tear. He made a move for more lap pads to soak up the blood and she didn't even have to see him to know what he did. " _Do not move._ " She closed her eyes. _Thank God._ She thought. _I found out, thank you._ "4-0 Prolene, please." She reached out a hand and the suture was placed in her hand. Throwing stitches, she glanced up at Taylor. Blinking, she felt the tension in her body disperse and the vitals came back into focus, going back to its normal rhythm.

His face was set like stone, impassive. His blue eyes scanned her hazel ones, searching - wondering what to do next. Finally, they showed a hint of pride.

"That was insubordinate."

"Do I look like I care?" she fired back and he chuckled as they began to close.

"Not really. But that could get you suspended," he said and she smiled behind her mask, too exhausted to say anything, but:

"Like you'd get me suspended."

.

When they scrubbed out, she watched as they wheeled Lucas out. The door whirred open and Taylor came in. He turned on the sink beside her and she bit her lip, shaking her head minutely. Finishing up, she dried her arms and hands and threw it against the glass. Bracing herself against the metal edge of the sink, she looked down the drain. For a moment, she was strong. She had just saved a life. She didn't give up and she ended up being the one who saved him.

Then, the pain crawled up her throat like a hungry animal and she coughed, trying to mask the tears. But they sprung forth like a water from a dam and her shoulders shook. It was as if someone ripped open the wound again. The pain, raw and fresh, nearly swept her off her feet as everything became a blur. Sobs wracked through her whole body, depriving her of oxygen. Her face burned and the tears dripped into the sink, going along with the rest of the water down the drain. A sharp, high-pitched gasp of air stung her lungs as Taylor wrapped her into a hug.

He pressed her head against his chest, near his heartbeat. A hand covered her mouth and the other held onto his arm. The warmth he had, it seeped into her bones and gave her some comfort as he shushed her quietly. "It's okay," he murmured but she still soaked his shirt with salty tears until finally, somehow, the sobs ceased to be just a few hiccups. There were still a few stray tears and her eyes were rimmed with red along with a stuffy nose but she had significantly calmed down.

"Come on, let's go tell his girlfriend or whatever," Taylor murmured and she pulled away. He smiled and for the first time in ages, she felt weightless. The invisible weight on her was gone. Nothing mattered except that she saved someone. She could pretend it was Tom all she wanted, but what mattered was that she savd him.

"Looking like this?" She wiped at her eyes and chuckled shakily. "Not the best approach."

"They're tears of happiness. Besides, you're pretty either way."

"Don't let Lexie hear that," she joked and Taylor laughed loudly. "Tom died," she said after his laughs faded away. She let her head drop and shook her head. The phrase didn't bring forth grief, just honest pain. Planting her hands on her hips, she just kept thinking for a moment. Then, she brushed past Taylor. He sighed and followed after her as she went to the nurse's station to get the room number. Once she got it (thirty-two fourteen), she took the elevator up and entered the room. The woman, Clara, looked up dazedly.

"Who's there?"

"Clara Walker?" Emily entered carefully and the woman's face became etched with worry. "Are you Lucas Walker's-"

"Wife, yes. Has something happened to him? Is he dead?" Emily shook her head and glanced behind her at Taylor. He leaned against the doorway, arms crossed across his chest. "Answer me, please!"

"Mrs. Walker. Mrs. Walker!" Emily raised her voice, making frantic gestures. "Stop! Your husband is fine! He had extreme bleeding around his spleen and we performed a partial splenectomy but we managed to save him. Your husband," she sighed happily, "he's fine." There was a pregnant pause until Clara burst into tears.

"Oh, thank you! Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

"You're very welcome. You can see him tomorrow morning," she informed with a smile. "Have a good night, Mrs. Walker." She backed out as the woman continued crying tears of happiness. She walked past Taylor and he followed her out of sight to the hallway. Pausing, she turned around.

"That wasn't so hard." He brushed a hair back behind her ear and a large smile spread across her face.

"Yeah. It felt really good," she agreed and he hugged her tightly. "Tom died."

"He did."

"And I survived," she added and the blond nodded to that too. "I survived." Blinking repeatedly, she rubbed at her forehead. "I survived." With every word, she felt like she could fly. "I lived."

"Thank God for that," Tom whispered, bringing her into a crushing hug.

 _._

"So this a good place to drink?" a voice asked and she glanced lazily beside her. Jackson filled in the seat, his smile reaching his eyes. "You drunk?"

"Kind of," she admitted, finishing up another glass.

"Me, too. What's your poison? We've been friends for a while and I still don't know."

"Brandy."

"Steady."

She smiled, cocking her head. "You?"

"Gin but I've had a few too many of those already tonight."

Nursing her drink, she chuckled. "You might not want to sit next to me. I do stupid things when I'm hurt and drunk." He chuckled and asked for a beer. Giggling, she waved for another drink and Joe looked at her dubiously.

"Last one," he warned and she nodded earnestly, schooling her features somberly.

"Fine." She sighed and he poured it into her glass.

"I'll make sure she gets home. She lives at Grey's, right?" Jackson murmured and she threw a look his way. Joe nodded, thanking him before going down the bar. Blinking, she turned forward. Her head throbbed with the music and her vision was motion blurry. "You might be way too drunk."

"I know," she slurred. "I know I should stop but it's Valentine's day." Her hand was on his shoulder now, rubbing back and forth. "And I'm alone—" With each word her head tilted from one way to another to somehow emphasize her point— "and it sucks. I thought it'd be okay but hey, whatever right?"

"Any reason why?" He caught her hand and twisted to hold it. She glanced at their link peculiarly but didn't make an effort to move away. His green eyes were… _greener_ than usual. Bright and charming.

"I disobeyed my attending in surgery. But it's okay." She held up a finger before he could speak. "I saved him." Draining her glass, she twisted to pull off her jacket from the back of her chair before facing him.

"Badass," he smirked and she pitched forward, "Woah, woah, woah. Uh, I'm taking you home." He pushed her back onto her seat but she still held onto his forearms. "You're going home."

"Are you coming with?" She smiled coyly up at him and for once, Jackson Avery was stunned. Then, he recovered and a concerned smile appeared on his face.

"I don't know if I'm sober enough," he whispered as her lips pressed against his. His arms came around her waist and brought her crashing into his lap as his lips descended on hers. It was full of heat as her arms wrapped around his neck. His hands tangled in her hair and scratched lightly against her scalp as she pulled back for air.

"Was that a stupid thing to do?" she asked breathlessly.

"Probably," he whispered and his eyes searched hers. "Do you wanna stop?" This time, she didn't even bother answering and pressed another hard kiss against his mouth.

Emily knew it'd be a mistake in the morning but she did it anyway.

 **A/N: Edited - October, 23, 2018**

 **Next: The morning after.**


	47. Consequences

_Of course, sometimes we have impulses we would rather not control, that we later wish we had._

 _-Meredith Grey_

* * *

"Good morning," someone murmured in her ear and she groaned. Her head was pounding and she groaned again even louder, burying her face into the arm that acted as her pillow. A warm hand traced gentle circles on the juncture between her hip and waist. "Have a little headache, do we?" Her eyes snapped open and she realized who it was. Rolling out of bed, she clutched the blanket around her to clothe her naked body.

 _What the fuck did I just do? What did I do?_ she screamed in her head as Jackson sat up. He seemed to be realizing how distraught she looked as she immediately began gathering her clothes. Every movement was panicked as she tried to block out last night. "Emily?"

"Shut up." She tried to keep her voice from shaking but failed. _What did I do?_ It kept repeating in her head as she pulled on her pants and poked her head through a shirt.

"Em-"

"Shut up!" she yelled, feeling like crap. "Just, shut up!" Wasn't she the little hypocrite? Heat flooded her neck and cheeks, making her burn up.

"If you want-"

"Get out!" The brunette's voice rung through the house. "Get the hell out!" There was a pregnant pause where they just stared at each other. The only sound was of their breaths before he gathered his clothes and made his way to the door. He tried again to talk to her but she shuddered, walking towards the bed and sitting down. "Leave."

As the door clicked close, she buried her face in her hands. Tears sprung to her eyes as she tried to stop them. Digging the heels of her hands into her eyes, she brought her knees to her chest. Here she was, mad at Mark for sleeping with Addison so soon, and here she was, after sleeping with Jackson. Her heart ached as her brain threw words in her face.

Hypocrite, a shitty person, slut.

The door opened again and she was about to scream the person's ear off when Lexie came up, a smile on her face. Wiping at her face, she tried to mask that she'd been crying but the brunette ignored it completely in place of giving her a cup of coffee. There were no words passed between them as more footsteps echoed in the tiny staircase. Meredith appeared first, followed by Derek and Alex, each holding a plate of breakfast. They sat around the mattress in a small circle as Derek handed her a second plate with a smile.

"I broke up with Mark," she whispered and they all seemed to nod. Meredith rubbed her shoulder and Emily tried to grin, looking at her eggs and sausages. "Then I get mad for sleeping with Addison. Now look at what I did. Am I a hypocritical bitch or what?"

Alex nodded. "Yeah,"

"Alex!" Lexie scolded. They continued to eat but Emily couldn't find in herself to be hungry. Instead, she sipped on her coffee until it was completely gone and stood. Stepping over her friend's plates and towards the entrance, she began to open the door when there was a call of 'Wait up!' Turning around, she saw Meredith standing up with an empty bowl that use to hold fruit.

"We'll be back," the blonde called over her shoulder before leading the way into the kitchen. Meredith handed over the pot of coffee before going to the medicine cabinet near the sink. Taking out Advil, she passed it over to Emily.

"Thanks."

"It's not the first time awkward sex-related scenes have happened in this house," Meredith commented as Emily poured herself another cup of coffee. "What are you going to do now?"

"You mean I shouldn't parade around the hospital with a sign saying 'Hypocrite' around my neck?" Emily asked sarcastically. "I never meant to sleep with him."

"But you did. You can't take that back," the blue-eyed woman said, leaning on the counter. "Emily, you need a plan to fix this mess that you just made. What are you going to do?"

"Yeah, because I have all the answers," she muttered sarcastically, "I thought I did, once. Now, I'm not so sure." Emily's pounding headache mixed with what happened that morning didn't make for a particularly peachy mood. The hollowing feeling in her chest didn't become filled when the scorching coffee trickled down her throat. "Meredith, when you and George… how did you feel?"

"Like shit," the woman said bluntly. "We were both in the wrong but I think if I could've just gotten my feelings in check, it would've all been avoided, no matter what he said." A nostalgic and sad smile crossed her face when she spoke of their dead friend. "But in the end, I knew I loved Derek and I knew I couldn't love George like that."

"But neither of you were drunk."

"You aren't the victim here." Meredith pinned her with a no-nonsense glare. Emily looked at the grill, tracing the uneven burn lines. "Just please, get it together and make up. We both know how much time was wasted between George and I when clearly, we didn't have enough." With another sad grimace-like grin, Meredith patted Emily on the shoulder. "See you back up there." Leaving the brunette alone, Meredith went back up the stairs.

She looked at her coffee. Mark liked it with a lot of sugar to satisfy the sweet tooth and with almost no cream. Grabbing the sugar from the center of the counter, she tapped the side and watched the white crystals dissolve as soon as they touched the steaming coffee before going to the fridge, taking out a carton and pouring a small stream of cream. Stirring it, she watched as the blackness turned only just a shade lighter.

Taking a sip, she nearly choked on how sweet it was. But it was the same taste that flooded her mouth in the morning for almost a year. Choking half of it down, she closed her eyes shut before pouring the other half down the sink.

.

One week. One week since that awful morning and using his most charming smile, he had managed to convince the nurses to rearrange his schedule so he'd never have to see her.

Jackson flipped through his patient's charts as he walked down the hallway. Walking past nurses and orderlies alike, he looked up to make sure he wouldn't bump into anyone just as Dr. Shepherd and his resident turned the corner. Emily froze when she saw him, but didn't hide as Dr. Shepherd turned to look at Emily. He seemed confused until he saw him. They began to walk past him and she looked at him.

"Dr. Avery,"

"Jackson, can we talk?"

"Dr. Shepherd." Clearing his throat, Jackson just barely managed not to run away. In just a week, his life turned into a whirlwind of 'what the hell is going on?'

.

"Can the nerves be saved?" Emily asked as Derek rubbed his arms with a towel. They had just scrubbed in as the nurses draped the patient. The neurosurgeon guided his arms through a gown before putting on some gloves as Emily eyed him.

"That's what we're gonna find out. I have high hopes." Derek smiled behind his mask as she snapped on a pair of gloves. Sitting down on the chairs, they began to look at the arm as the door whirled open again. Looking up, Emily felt like the universe hated her as Mark and Jackson rubbed their hands dry before putting on a pair of gloves and a gown.

Of course. A boy who had poured his mother's boiling soup all over his two arms would include the plastics department.

"How's it going so far, Derek?"

"Just started. You prepping the skin graft?"

"Yep." Emily gently debrided a part of the arm as Jackson went around the table. Pulling the tweezers back, she felt someone nudge into her back and she nearly ripped off the skin.

"Hey!" she yelped, glaring over her shoulder at Jackson who looked away. "Watch it next time."

"My bad," he muttered flatly and they held an awkward staring contest until she broke it. Derek and Mark shared looks - Mark's saying, 'What's going on?' and Derek's saying, 'Later.'

"It's… whatever. Whatever, Avery."

" _Avery_ ," he repeated and she looked at him. "Wow."

"I'm sorry, is there something you'd like to say?" Emily asked quietly and Jackson shook his head. "You know what, I'm sorry. I didn't mean for that to happen." Mark raised his eyebrows, completely confused.

"Great. I'm sorry it was that bad."

"You know that wasn't what I meant!"

"Really? I couldn't get the message when all you said was to get the hell out."

"Jackson-"

"This is not the right place to talk about this." He turned to help his attending and she flushed when stares burned into her. "Dr. Sloan, the skin graft."

"You know what? You're the one who's been ignoring me. You keep avoiding me - how am I supposed to make this right when you do that?"

"Believe me, if this boy didn't need my help, I'd already be out the door," Jackson commented and for once, Emily couldn't help but agree. "At least it would be by choice this time." Offended, she scowled.

"Yeah, like you've never made a mistake."

"Oh, so that's what I am?"

"No!"

"Enough," Derek cut whatever they were gonna say off. His tone was cold and his blue eyes were just as frosty. "Either shut up or get out of my O.R. We don't need you two fighting while we try to make sure this boy is going to ever feel anything in his arms again." When the neurosurgeon turned back to the brunette, they held a staring contest.

Then they started operating again.

.

"What's going on between Emily and Avery?" Mark asked as they began to scrub out. Avery had gone first, trying to widen the distance between them with Emily following soon after. He had never seen his ex so confrontational for no reason. Derek shrugged, washing the foam off his arms.

"You missed a lot at the frat house." Derek muttered, turning off his sink and resting against the metal rim. "I don't know if she wants me to tell you but…"

"Derek?"

"Valentine''s Day, Joe's bar. Avery brought Emily home and ended up staying the night." It was like someone ripped the heart out of his chest. "Morning after, she kicked him out. Bad blood's all." The neurosurgeon explained in brief and Mark wiped his hands dry. His throat was dry as a memory surfaced in his brain.

" _I can take you on a tour, if you'd like, maybe a quick-pass to a rollercoaster."_

" _Funny but no. No guys in bars."_

The memory was so clear. The first time he had spoken to what he thought was the love of his life. Of course, he didn't know that then. They were just two strangers in a bar who had made a deal. He had loved Addison then, looking for a quick fix. And she said no. Then, they became friends, best friends, ones who knew each other's fidgets and favourite scones. Who loved each other. Mark still loved her, he knew that. It just wasn't his place anymore.

"So… is she moving on?"

"You weren't there but with the response she had? Definitely not," Derek said and wiped his arms as well. "She still loves you, so maybe you should get her while you have the chance."

"After I pushed a baby onto her? Months after she had a miscarriage? Derek-"

"Mark, do you love her?"

"Well, yeah, but-"

"Then get her. God knows how much time Meredith and I could've saved had we just been honest." A pat on the shoulder makes Mark look at his brother. The mood was becoming somber and Derek smiled, switching the topic before Mark could get into one of his dark places. "Hey, did you really sleep with Addison?"

"Yeah." He gave a wry smile and Derek chuckled. "Why do you care? You're married now."

"I'll see you later, Mark."

.

"Stay in here, keep an eye on his vitals. He's in a delicate position and I don't want him gone by the time I'm back in the morning for the rest of his skin grafts," Sloan ordered and Jackson nodded, taking the binder from his attending. "Good work today, Avery." The complement seemed restrained as Jackson nodded again.

"Thank you, sir. And I'm sorry for what happened in the O.R. today." Sloan didn't say anything, only left as Jackson walked into the room where the sleeping boy was. Plopping down on the chair, he sighed and opened up the chart, writing down the vitals and the time.

Catching up on his other charts, the hours seemed to slowly tick by when there was a knock on the door. Raising his head and blinking blearily, he saw Emily with a hesitant expression across her face. She looked ready to go home but when he checked the time, he noted that it was already four in the morning. They both had a mandatory oncology shift at eight.

"Hi."

"Hey," he greeted warily. "What do you want?"

"Derek told me to check up on Evan. How is he?" She pulled at her fingers as he looked at Evan Hansen's chart.

"Vitals stable, last checked ten minutes ago. Anything else?" There was an awkward pause where she looked down at her shoes and he looked into his lap, tapping his pen on the side of his finger. "Look, if there's nothing else I've got to work-"

"What I said earlier - I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to come out that way."

"I really don't want to talk about it." She frowned at his response but it was true. It was one night, whatever. If she wanted to forget about it, that was fine by him. In fact, he was more hurt by the fact that she told him to get out without allowing him a chance to explain. "You just threw me out and didn't let me get a damn word in."

"I'm sorry-"

"I know you are. Stop saying that! Okay? I am a man. A grown ass man. Just, I wish it didn't happen that way." He rubbed his face with his hand as she walked over and sat on the chair near his. A sigh was shared between them and finally, Emily looked at him. "You know that feeling when you like someone but you're not sure so you end up doing something stupid."

"Felt that way twenty different times in my intern year."

"Sloan?"

"Yeah." Emily looked over at him and he wasn't doing his charts anymore. Instead, he tapped his foot on the floor, clicking his pen. "Jackson, are we going to be okay?" He nodded, a tight grin on his face.

"Of course. I'm sorry I didn't just drive you home."

"I'm sorry I kissed you in the first place." He stood, stretching his limbs as she checked the time on her phone. Only 4:15. Sliding her phone back into her pocket, she yawned. "Well, that's the first and last time I'm having a one-night stand." In an instant, Jackson was looking at her with an arched brow.

"You've only had one in your life? Dude, you need to go out more." He snorted and she kicked his calf. Plopping back down, he sent her a glare.

"It's not like I'm a virgin." she muttered when she remembered they were in a sleeping kid's room. "Besides," a yawn, "why is that such a shock? I've literally only been with like four guys seriously my whole life."

"It wasn't my last, that's for sure." He winked and she scrunched up her nose in disgust.

"Dude, ew."

"I'm sorry for sleeping with you," he added lamely and the corners of their mouths tugged up.

"Same here."

"So… we're just… going to do nothing but awkwardly sit in this silence?" Jackson asked and she looked at Evan Hansen's sleeping form.

"Wanna watch pirated movies on my laptop?"

"That's like twenty different kinds of illegal, Em."

"You know what? No Rush Hour for you," she sniffed and he grabbed her wrist, pulling her back down.

"Wait, fine. Come on, come on." Smiling, she slipped out of his grasp to get her laptop and he settled in, thankful that he didn't have to switch out of the residency, move states, and possibly change his name.

.

Morning came in the fashion of Derek shaking her. Eyes opening, she blinked away the sleep as the neurosurgeon smirked at her. "Wake up,"

"Where am I?" she mumbled. Jackson was in a similar state as Derek jostled him as well. Raising her head, she ran a hand through her tangled curls and realized that she had fallen asleep in Evan's room. Wiping at her mouth, she sat up and felt all her joints crack. "Derek?"

"When I said check his vitals, I didn't mean a sleep over." Standing up, she tucked it under her arm as Derek checked his watch. "It's four, by the way. You have rounds in two hours."

"I know," she muttered and raised her head to the bed. Her blood froze as she watched Mark check the burns of the boy. His eyes met hers and she tried to say something but her throat was too dry. Clearing it, she tucked a lock of hair behind her ear.

"Dr. Moore. When you've cleaned yourself up—" Her blush intensified— "could you check up on my ulcer in 2172 before rounds?"

"Yeah." She cleared her throat again when her voice came out raspy. "Of course. Sorry about this." She waved a nervous hand, gesturing between the chair and Jackson who echoed her words.

"No worries," Mark assured cooly and Emily flinched. "Go on, Moore. It's an old lady who needs those pillows changed."

"Of course," she repeated, running out of the room as Jackson followed closely behind. He caught up to her and they shared looks that both said, _Shit._

 **A/N: Edited - October 23, 2018.**

 **Just saying, Emily is a real person too. I can't have her do nothing ridiculously stupid in this story because then she's not real. I want it to be realistic and this is just showing that Emily is indeed, realistic, a person who has faults, and is fucking idiot when she's drunk. Like dude, this is why Alex always drinks with her so she doesn't do this stupid shit. ALEX WHERE WERE YOU?**

 **Next: Harper Avery returns.**


	48. Avery

_Life is messy, that's how we're made. So you can waste your life drawing lines or you can live your life crossing them. But there are some lines that are way too dangerous to cross._

 _-Meredith Grey_

* * *

"So you and Jackson…. Are what again?" Lexie asked slowly. Callie shook her head in the corner as Emily asked for bone paste. "Friends."

"Tentatively. Now can we not talk about my personal relationships in front of everyone in this room?" Emily asked as she fixed the split fibula. "I've done enough of that already. Lexie, I swear to God." She looked up to see the crinkles at the edge of her friend's eyes, "Can someone get Dr. Sloan to do the skin graft? I'm almost done."

"I'll do it," Callie volunteered and stood. "Em's right. Grey, you probably shouldn't talk so loudly." There was a shrug and Emily shook her head. Making her way to the phone, the ortho attending paged her best friend who came down in five minutes. Emily double checked that everything was okay as a phone rang. They all paused in their work as a nurse went over to check.

"It's Dr. Moore's phone. Dr. Avery is calling you." Lexie snorted and Emily shot her a look as Mark surveyed the scene with an impassive gaze. Glancing at her ex,shekept her eyes on the patient. "Should I pick up?"

"Shut up, Lex," Emily whispered and Callie shook her head with a disbelieving smile. "Yeah, sure." The phone was held near her ear as she continued to close. "Jackson? Is something wrong?" she asked. Mark glared at the phone and she felt her cheeks heat up.

" _It's my grandpa. He just collapsed in the middle of lunch and we're heading to the hospital now."_ Jackson spared any pleasantries and went straight to the reason. Emily felt her blood chill at the words and paused in the sewing of skin.

"Harper?" Her breath caught in her throat and Lexie glanced at her in concern. Callie's smile faded and Emily put down her tools, clenching her fists. "Is he okay? He isn't going to die, though, right?"

" _I don't know but maybe you should get down here if you can. Are you almost done your surgery?"_ She glanced down at the leg, at the half sewn wound and around her. Everyone was staring intently at her but Mark, who looked away as he prepped the skin graft.

"I can step in. We can do this, right Little Grey?" Callie stood beside Emily who smiled gratefully behind her mask. "I'll go scrub,"

"Thank you," she murmured. "I'll be right there, Jackson."

" _Thanks_."

"I'll see you in a bit." Backing away from the O.R. table, she pulled off her gown and gloves as Callie came in to be gowned. The Latina sent her a smile although it was hidden by the mask. "See you later."

"Go get some." Callie sent a wink and she rolled her eyes before heading into the scrub room.

.

Running down to the pit, she swung around the corner and nearly bumped into Jackson.

"I'm here. Is he okay?" Jackson turned to wrap an arm around her shoulders and she relaxed when she saw Harper Avery looking at Cristina with a mixture of 'get her away from me' and confusion.

"Already meeting the grandparents?" Cristina remarked dryly as she palpated the abdomen. The woman clearly didn't know who he was.

"Told you we aren't dating!" Jackson and Emily both argued at the same time.

"Whatever." Cristina waved it away, "Anyway, sir—" she unwrapped her stethoscope from around her neck— "It could be ascending cholangitis." Harper raised an eyebrow.

"Ascending cholangitis? Really? With only one of the symptoms of Charcot's triad?" Cristina drew back, removing the stethoscope from his chest and settling her hands on her hips.

"You're a doctor?"

"Apparently a much better one than you are. Ah, Dr. Moore. Isn't it a surprise to see you again."

"Dr. Avery." She smiled and clasped his hand with hers. "It's… really nice to see that you're okay." Cristina gawked at them as Harper returned his attention to the dumbstruck woman.

"Dr. Harper Avery. And your name, doctor?"

"Harper Avery," she repeated, posture sagging as she placed her hand tentatively in his.

"Uh, no, that's my name." Turning to his grandson, he ordered, "Get a new surgeon, Jackie. One with a pulse this time. Dr. Moore should assist. She's one of the brightest." Jackson sighed as he stared at his grandpa. Only five minutes in and already bossing around the staff. Raising his gaze to stare at the wall, Jackson tried to stifle the urge to roll his eyes.

"Sir, Dr. Yang is a talented surgeon," she tried to protest but Harper waved her away. " _Sir_ -"

"Nonsense. Now, where's my general surgeon?"

"You're Harper Avery's grandson?" Cristina finally found her voice and Jackson's gaze met Cristina's.

"Uh, yeah." He sighed with annoyance. Crossing his arms, he scratched behind his ear. "I'll go get Bailey."

.

"What's the diagnosis?" Emily asked as she met up with Jackson outside his grandfather's room. He turned towards her and sighed, arms crossed. Worry nipped at her at his solemn expression but when he smiled slightly, she felt relief. "Is he gonna be okay?"

"A dilated bowel. He has an obstruction and wants to be _awake_ for the surgery." She chuckled and he scowled in frustration. "Why does he have to be like this?" Leaning in beside him, she crossed her legs at the ankles.

"He's Harper Avery. If anyone would wanna be awake for his surgery, it'd be him."

"Yeah, and sometimes it's damn hard to be related to him." They turned to look inside the room where the general surgeon lying on the bed was speaking to Derek and Webber. Meredith approached them and watched the living legend. Jackson and Emily both watched over their shoulders before the green-eyed man sighd, letting his crossed arms drop. "Ah, here we go. He's giving them the speech."

"What speech?"

"The one where he inspires people to step out of their comfort zone. To do things in medicine no one has ever done before!" Her voice swelled with enthusiasm. Emily smiled at Meredith. "You hear it enough and you might just go insane."

"Sounds motivating."

"It's cheesy." the two deadpanned as Jackson continued, "And you hear it enough times at your grandparents' dinner table, you can't but want to be a surgeon when you grow up."

"You had a dinner table?" Meredith teased as Jackson's pager buzzed. Looking at it lazily where it was at his hip, she saw it was Callie. "I didn't know world-class surgeons had dinner tables. I feel gypped." Jackson finally chuckled, his smile reaching his eyes as Emily broke away from the wall.

"Well, that's cause you haven't heard the speech yet." He turned around and again to watch them. "He's getting to the 'stop talking, start doing' part. You can see it on his face." He finally reached down to silence his pager.

Trying to get a better angle, she saw the surgeon's face warped into something serious as he spoke. There was a fire in his eyes, something that said he was passionate about what he was saying. This was the end of the speech.

"Oh, god. You're right." Emily laughed. Derek was saying something as Webber cut him off. The tension was thick enough to cut and the only reason the three looked away was when the pager buzzed even louder this time. Emily nudged him in the ribs, "Hey, Jackson, answer the page," she scolded and he looked at the device on his belt, taking it up to eye-level to see.

"Crap, I forgot I'm on Torres' service today."

"But won't they give you an exception? I mean, your grandpa is being operated on." Meredith asked but Jackson shrugged.

"I'll fill in. Don't worry," she offered with no room for him to decline. He nodded gratefully as Derek and Webber began to exit. "Make sure your grandpa is okay. _Please._ " He nodded, "Then I'll see you - before they take him up. I promise."

"Alright. I'll page you when it's time."

"Thanks."

.

"Why'd you page?"

"Isn't Avery supposed to be on my service today?" Callie teased and she rolled her eyes at her friend. They began walking to the main nurse's station where Callie was looking through her charts.

"Again,"

"We're just friends." Callie imitated her voice poorly and Emily felt her eye twitch. "Yeah, whatever."

"That is so not how I sound." Emily grinned and Callie laughed. Continuing to explain, she added, "Harper Avery's in the hospital right now. Jackson is on Webber's service today. We switched."

"One, you can't do that. Two, Harper Avery is in this hospital?" Callie gawked and was about to ask what room he was in when she paused. Her gaze drifted over her shoulder and another sentence came out instead. "Whatever. Go check up on my patient at C.T. Derek should already be there." Suspicious of the Latina, the brunette continued on her way, glancing over her shoulder just as Mark left a supply closet with a nurse. Now officially use to it - you see it enough and you just become numb - she simply continued on her way to C.T. Finding Derek in one of the booths, she entered and sat down beside him.

"Hey, you're here earlier than me," she said, surprised. He sent a smile and she grinned.

"Soon as I could leave Dr. Avery's room, I went here."

"So, how's Dr. Avery doing?" When Derek's smile became sly, she rolled her eyes and added, "The older one." His smile faded and he rubbed the back of his neck.

"Wants to have his surgery awake and Richard's doing it. Hopefully all goes well but he seems fine. You'd know, considering you worked with him."

"I guess so. So…" She took the chart and opened it. "Who's the patient?" Reading it over, she heard Derek explain as she read the she had a ruptured tendon that Callie would have to repair.

"Pam Nelson. Car crash and she's deaf so Callie's been screaming at her all morning." She thought the woman sounded a little hoarse. They were beginning to help the deaf woman onto the bed for the scan. "We're running a face and head C.T." He glanced at the screen before at his friend again. "How is Avery, anyway?"

"A bit worried, a bit annoyed. Comes with having Harper as his grandpa." She sent him a smile and he nodded.

"At least he cares." There was the sound of footsteps and they turned around. Mark and Callie entered the booth. Feeling awkward, she got out of her seat and gave it to Callie. Her phone buzzed and she took it out to see it was Jackson.

 _:Grandpa's asking for you:_

 _:great. Im stuck at c.t. Because i took your case.:_ She typed her reply back teasingly and the corners of her mouth quirked up. _:totally missed out on a surgery by the way:_

 _:shut up.:_

 _:Cant:_ Before she even realized it, Callie was beside her, peering at her texts. Emily turned the screen away with a playful scowl. "Come on, Callie."

"What? I want an update on Harper Avery." She smiled persuasively but Emily shook her head. "You're all buddy-buddy—" At this, Callie's tone became suave, accompanied with a wriggle of the eyebrows— "with his grandson _and_ you used to work for the legend." Derek cleared their throat with a well-meaning glance at Mark. The plastics surgeon was staring into the room as the woman was inserted into the machine.

"Then let me go check up on him now." She excused herself and made a move to leave just as Mark pushed off the table. She raised her head to look at him squarely in the face but he didn't say anything. "Dr. Sloan." With a sharp nod, she continued on her way.

.

"I don't like that guy," Mark commented as soon as his ex left. "She needs to back up before she gets hurt."

"Oh, they're just friends, Mark. They slept together once," Callie reminded him, scooting her chair closer to the table and waiting for the scans to load. Derek bit his lip, opening his mouth to interrupt before thinking better of it.

"Yeah and he stays over to watch pirated movies on the wifi I pay for." He slapped his wrist with his watch, fidgeting with the clasp. He cleared his throat. "Torres is right. They're just friends like how you two are." The Latina sent the neurosurgeon ' _wow, you are terrible'_ kind of look before returning to Mark.

"You don't move on that fast."

"That's rich coming from you," Derek scoffed and Callie shook her head, cocking an eyebrow at her best friend.

"He's acting out because he can't deal with the real human emotions he's having," Callie remarked. "Ask him how many nurses he's slept with, _today._ " Derek looked at his best friend sharply.

"You're sleeping with nurses now?"

.

Emily went back to Harper's room just as they began taking him up.

"Dr. Avery." She smiled and he grinned back at her. "I hoped I wouldn't miss it."

"I was beginning to wonder if you forgot all about me," he remarked and she chuckled. Jackson kept pushing the bed as she walked with them. Sidling in beside the younger Avery, she put a hand on the rail. He sent her a eyeroll. "How's Jackson treating you?"

"Harper-" she tried to protest but he talked over her. The aura dropped to something along the lines of uncomfortable and embarrassing. Emily nearly had the nerve to stop walking.

"Is he the gentleman his mother and I raised him to be?"

"Grandpa!"

"It's a simple question, Jackie."

"We're—" She cleared her throat, cheeks flaring— "getting along fine. Just fine - _as friends._ " Jackson's green eyes narrowed with annoyance at his grandpa who shrugged innocently.

"What? Jackie, you need to loosen up more. Honestly, you'd think that-"

"Grandpa, why do you ask this now - in the middle of a hallway where there are nurses who thrive off gossip?" he asked, voice low as he rubbed the back of his neck. Emily found his flustered movements and face cute and she held back a laugh, sending a slight smile his way.

"Because I want to know."

"You are shameless, Dr. Avery," Emily said with a shake of her head. "You're terrible." Before he could protest, she held up a finger. "Come on, you have a surgery to get to." Jackson glanced at her gratefully, patting her hand before continuing the push the gurney to the O.R.

.

"And what's the patient gonna do after?" Callie murmured the question under her breath as Emily began sewing up the skin.

"Six to eight weeks bedrest using a brace to keep the knee straight. If you determine that it's okay, then the patient will begin physical therapy. The strength needs to be rebuilt."

"Will she regain full function?"

"Over time, yes." The brunette finished up and handed the needle to a nurse. Callie nodded approvingly as Mark entered the room, scrubbed and ready. Grabbing the white roll of bandage to make sure the joint was stable, she held the knee stable as Callie began rolling it tightly.

"Dr. Sloan, good timing. Dr. Moore and I are pretty much done." Returning her gaze back to the knee, she made sure her hands didn't tremble under Mark's heavy stare. Chancing a glance up, she felt herself flinch.

"What the hell are you looking at it?" he snapped and she felt as if though she'd been struck.

"N-nothing," she stuttered and drew her hands away from the knee. "I can go… if you want me to, Dr. Sloan." For a moment, his eyes softened with regret as Callie turned to her secondary surgeon. Her brown eyes were wide and unsure.

"You sure?"

"You can finish by yourself." Backing away, she left to scrub out. Callie turned to her best friend who pretended to be innocent. From the room and thick glass that separated them, Emily couldn't hear what Callie was saying.

On the other side of the glass, Callie glanced over her shoulder to make sure her friend was gone before raising her voice.

"That was sad and pathetic! Okay, I have seen her tolerate the way you're treating her now, and the way that she feels - like absolute crap - is piling on top of her. She sees you walking out of closets with nurses and doesn't say a word. She sleeps with one guy _once_ , and you lose your shit. Isn't that hypocritical?"

"She broke up with me!"

"Because she wasn't ready! She's in the middle of her residency, I mean she just moved back here after losing her best friend." At this, Mark's eyes widened. So Callie didn't know… about the baby. "Sloan and her baby leaving you can either be the worst or the best thing that happened to you. You can grow up, find a woman to love, and have a baby. Or you can be the ass attending, who abuses the residents and screws everything that walks into this hospital. So just pick one."

Staring at his friend, he tried to manage a reply but he found that words failed to describe the bitterness he felt when he thought of the woman he loved in the sheets with Avery.

.

"Hey, is he okay?" she asked as Jackson approached her. She'd been waiting near the lobby and when she spotted the Avery, she couldn't help but ask.

"He became unstable during surgery. I don't know what happened," he whispered and she smiled softly at him. "He's fine now, but, I don't know. I just need five minutes alone." Walking down the hall, the two made their way to the nurse's station where they sat down.

"Sloan kicked me out of surgery," she said flatly and he looked at her. "My ex-boyfriend kicked me out of my own surgery because he can't stand to be in the same room as me."

"I'm sorry," he said.

"It's okay," she whispered and he knocked his knee into hers to make her look up at him. He offered a smile. "Can I be alone with you? I need some quiet, too."

"Sure." He sighed and she sent him a inquisitive glance. "I half-wish you stayed at Mass Gen. Then, he wouldn't have come in and tried to convince me to take it, _again._ "

"I understand. And I get it, you know that. I get how hard it is."

"Noah Moore. Right. My grandpa loves him."

"I'm not surprised. Five-time nominee, two-time winner. He is the biggest innovator in peds. He practically reinvented a new way to patch aortic tears and he performed a crash C in the middle of a bombing. He continually impresses. He's… he's everything I want to be and I can't."

"The only advantage he has on you is age, and experience," said Jackson. Smiling half-heartedly, she rested her elbow on the desk and spun side to side in her office chair. "Look, at least he's easy to talk to. My grandpa-"

"Jackson, exactly. He's your grandpa and clearly, he cares. Instead of sitting here, talking to lonely, sad me—" He snorted and she grinned fully— "You should wait there with him for him to wake up."

"Yeah."

"Avery!" Turning, they spotted Alex leading a pack of residents once again and Jackson groaned.

"Or maybe you should run away first," Emily amended and the man sent her a quick, irritated look before setting off. The residents chased after him and she smiled, watching him suddenly take off at a run.

Spinning back to face the desk, she stood up and looked around. She stretched her joints high above her head before setting off to do some post-op check ups. Grabbing the charts, she walked around the nurse's station as she opened a chart, bumping into someone else.

"Sorry! Oh." The smell, the presence, they were all very familiar. "Dr. Sloan." Walking around him, she managed to almost reach the elevators when-

"Dr. Moore, wait." She jabbed the elevator button and rotated to see him coming up.

"What do you want, Dr. Sloan? To kick me off your service next month? Fine. Do it. I slept with Jackson. So, what?" He stiffened at her callous inflection, her blunt demeanor. "I'm sorry that I hurt you, and I'm sorry that I broke up with you, but I don't want to be with you if it means that I am _killing_ myself to please you."

"Em-"

"Oh, it's Em now, because it suits you." His expression made her retract her words and she tightened her grip on her charts. "I'm sorry, I'm just… I'm over it, Mark. I've over you sleeping with Addison, I'm over you telling at me. I forgive you for all of it. I forgive you for sleeping with the nurses and the drug reps and I'm sorry for what I said." Glancing up at the light, she waited for it to signal that the elevator was here. Anything to leave this space. "Now, can you just leave me alone?" The elevator dinged and the doors slid open as she walked in.

"Are you… moving on? With Avery?" Her lips pressed together and he waited for an answer. When the doors began to close, he stuck a hand out to keep them open. "Em, if you're moving on…"

"Why? Gonna throw him out of O.R.s?" she asked coolly and he took a step back. "No. I'm not. Jackson and I were friends since before the merger. We're friends." Pressing the button to close the elevator doors, she offered him a tight smile. "I have post-ops to take care of. Goodnight, Dr. Sloan."

"Goodnight."

.

Once she had finished on the final post-op rounds on Callie's patients, she went back to Harper's room and pulled a chair to his side. It was empty, even Jackson wasn't there.

"How're you feeling?" She smiled softly as he shifted with a wince. Pouring him a cup of water, she settled it just in case he needed it. He would be too proud to say so.

"Usual pain, much better than before," he answered and she checked his stats quickly. They were all within normal limits. "So-"

"Sir, are you going to ask me about Jackson again?" she asked knowingly and he nodded. "Then, can you answer one of mine?" Another nod. "How is Ella? And the others? Are they okay - doing well?" There was a pause and her smile faded. "Has something happened?"

"Ella no longer works at Mass Gen. She's at Brigham's with Catherine. She doesn't keep in touch with us attendings but she still talks to Dr. Olsen and the other one. I know that."

"Matthew."

"Yes, him. And your brother? He doesn't speak much anymore." She recalled their first phone call. Perhaps a week after she'd left - it was quick, five minutes give or take. They hadn't said much - just caught each other up in their respective cities. He was quiet, tired and it was as if the life was still sucked out of him.

Then, their more recent one. It was longer, as if he'd open himself up a bit more. His voice was more lively, more excited for new things as he rambled on about some research he had stumbled upon. It was as if he was better, the burden not as heavy. But it had burnt out when there was nothing left to say. She'd quickly asked if she could talk to his kids. He was more than happy to comply.

"He's different now. We all are," she told Harper Avery and he nodded. "He lost his student, his friend. I… I can't say anything more than that." Sensing the somber change of mood, Harper raised his head with a smile.

"And my grandson?"

"Sir!" Her cheeks flushed but he tsked.

"A deal's a deal, doctor." Sighing, she acquiesced and asked what he wanted to know. "How is he doing - truthfully? How are _you_ doing?"

"Better," she admitted and he smiled. "Callie - the ortho attending - she's been teaching me so I can further my training. I still can't decide between plastics and ortho but I'm leaning towards ortho." Suddenly, Harper's mouth pressed into a thin, judging line.

"And something… strange is going on between you and Jackie." She didn't answer. Their situation would only embarrass the both of them in front of Harper even more. "You and Mark Sloan broke up? Is that why you're not into the specialty anymore?"

"Er…"

"Preposterous. Never dampen your ambition due to silly personal problems. This is a professional work space." He sniffed* and she groaned to herself, pinching the bridge of her nose. "Get the teaching you need. Even if it isn't here."

"No, no, no," she shushed him. He snapped his jaws shut and looked at her as if saying ' _Are you serious?'_ but did so. "First of all, ortho is something I like. Second, Mark and I are just having a slight disagreement. It'll be fine and I'll be fine. Right now, I'm just bouncing around specialties, alright? It's nothing - I need to get caught up on my cardio hours anyway." He seemed to significantly calm down and she released a breath.

"Fine." He huffed and pouted as Dr. Webber came in.

"Dr. Webber." Tthe general surgeon smiled as he did an exam and took vitals. "He seems fine but that's what I thought before. Suggesting chromic." She added with a pointed look.

"I don't like surgeons getting lazy," he barked and she rolled her eyes, getting up and patting his shoulder.

"Believe me," she snorted. "I know." Backing away, she allowed the two older surgeons to talk alone as she waited outside. Leaning against the glass door, she crossed her arms under her breasts and looked at the floor. There was a patter of footsteps, faster than those of the nurses on the floor. Looking up, she saw it was Jackson.

"Hey." He grinned. "I'm seeing a lot of you today." Greeting her with a joke, he smiled. "I'm sorry you had to take on my load of work."

"It's whatever. I love ortho, anyway," she assured. "He's fine - vitals are stable and he's talking-"

"Embarrassing us," he corrected and she made no contradiction. "Great." A pack of residents began to make their way down the hall and Emily cocked her head.

"No worries. Webber's in there now so hopefully he isn't talking about us." He agreed on that as Webber exited the room. "You brought them after all?"

"Yeah. Thought his brilliance needed to be shared." Raising an eyebrow, she smiled at Webber who nodded at them, a sign that nothing humiliating was revealed, and the two of them went in first.

"Webber said you're good?" she asked Harper.

"Of course." The older man harrumphed and Jackson sighed. "Ah, Jackie."

"I, um, wanted to introduce you to some friends, if you're feel up for it." Chuckling, Harper glanced at the door then to his grandson. He debated momentarily before the older surgeon rested his head on his hands, elbows bent beside his ears.

"Bring 'em in." The two turned around to see Alex, Cristina, Lexie and Percy waiting with anticipation.

"Come on." Emily cocked her head towards the man on the bed and Cristina bounded in, followed eagerly by Lexie and Alex. Cristina hastily introduced herself, taking a quick selfie before shaking the legend's hand. Emily laughed at her stumbling, yet quick words as Lexie stepped forward. And everything seemed as if it should be. But for some reason, Emily couldn't stop herself from looking out the room to see if Mark would be there.

And she knew the answer before she even turned her head.

 **A/N: Edited - October 23, 2018**

 *** '" _This is a professional work space." He sniffed.'_ He's like those 'pushes for success' grandpas to her and it's too funny. We might see more of Grandpa Avery in the future.**

 **Next: Confessions.**


	49. House Party

_I'm still in love with you. I tried not to be, but it didn't work. And Sloan's gone... there's no baby. And I don't want to sleep around. I want another chance. I'm in love with you._

 _-Mark Sloan_

* * *

"Morning, Alex." She wrung out her wet hair as he came into the bathroom. He grunted a 'good morning' and rubbed at his eyes. Tying up the towel in her hair, she made a face to stretch her face muscles and wake herself up.

Putting on her clothes, she made her way down the stairs as Derek took the coffee from the machine. He gave her a nod as he poured three full travel mugs for them. Grabbing hers, she thanked the neurosurgeon and passed by Taylor and Lexie.

"Morning." Lexie smiled and Taylor ruffled Emily's hair before drawing back with a disgusted face.

"Morning."

Taking the sugar and cream, she added her preference to her mug before passing it to Derek. Taking a testing sip, she deemed it satisfactory and closed it with a tight twist. Meredith finally came down with Alex who took the remaining travel mug.

"Whose service are you on?" the trauma surgeon asked, his arm around Lexie's shoulders. His fingers lazily played with the brunette's hair as she took a bite of her breakfast. Meredith spread butter on her lightly toasted slice of bread before taking a quick bite.

"Bailey," Emily responded.

"Webber," Lexie added.

"And…" Derek looked at his watch as he adjusted his dress shirt collar. "We are going to be late if we don't get going. Who's with me?"

"I am." Meredith raised her hand, putting her plate into the sink and running to the living room for her jacket, slice of toast still in hand. Lexie hopped off the stool and kissed her boyfriend languidly at the counter and ran after her sister.

"So am I. Bye, Taylor." She blew a kiss as she ran after her sister.

"I've got the Greys," Derek claimed with a slight chuckle. "See you at the hospital."

See ya, Derek." The neurosurgeon grabbed his coffee as she gathered her things too. Taylor groaned dramatically as the raven-haired man left with a sympathetic smile. "Guess you're riding with me, Jacks." Emily smirked as he grabbed his bag from the kitchen table. He closed the buckles and slung it onto his shoulder. "Let's go."

.

She had managed a whole two weeks without even seeing Mark. She'd done it and she was proud. Before long, she was at the O.B. with both of them by her side. After a test, she fiddled with a pen in her hand as Jackson's leg bounced relentlessly. Alex had a scowl on his face as he stared intensely at the clock.

"I'm sorry both of you had to come. I know you don't like each other," she said. The two men glanced at each other across the back of Emily's chair. "And it's about my uterus so, I know it isn't ideal."

"It's fine," they both said, looking away. She glanced at both of them before returning her gaze to the pen. The obstetrician walked in and the three surgeons cleared their throats. Straightening, the three surgeons watched as she sat down behind the desk.

"So?" The O.B. gave Alex a look and Emily smiled despite the setting.

"It's okay. They're both with me."

"Her hCG levels are low. At this point, I do not advise trying for a child."

"Can she have a kid or not?" Jackson asked, voice flat as possible. The O.B. shot him a look and Emily glanced at him. His green eyes met hers and she felt the corner of her mouth twitch up.

"Because of your miscarriage, your levels aren't stabilizing as they should. You need to come in for tests to see if it'll stabilize further down the road, but I'm confident they will. If you remain healthy, eat, exercise and get sleep, then it'll be fine."

The three nodded and left the office. Jackson walked beside her while Alex opened the door for her.

"Thanks," she muttered and Alex shrugged, shoving his hands in his pockets. "Thanks for coming with me. We should probably get back to work," she added and the two guys looked at each other.

"Yeah." With a final smile, Jackson left first while Alex and Emily walked down the hall in the opposite direction.

"You okay with this?" he asked quietly and she nodded.

"I don't plan on having a kid anytime soon." Swinging her arms, she sighed. "Thanks, again, Alex. I-"

"I know," he cut her off and she smiled. "I know, and you, too."

.

Before long, she found herself happy. Not as happy as she could be but happy. Happy to be alive, to have a job, to have a family. But there was something missing - a piece of the puzzle that would complete the set that was invisible.

She realized it too late when she was walking with Alex around the hospital at night. He was just finishing up his late night rounds as she asked him about his postpneumonectomy patient.

"He's fine, stable. His girlfriend's in his room now," the man informed and she nodded. "Sloan was throwing some shade at Altman." A smirk appeared on his face. "I think he's into her." There was something about the sentence that put her off. It was different than when he was just hooking up with any piece of ass. He was moving on. He was really moving on.

"Really?"

"Yeah." Alex turned around, bracing a hand on the window sill. "He's all, like, 'Let's take it slow and get to know each other.' I think she went for it because they're having lunch on the weekend or whatever." Like ice water was thrown on her, she froze and Alex pretended not to notice.

"That's great." She forced a smile and they continued on their way until he detoured to the resident's lounge. She bid him farewell and went down to the tunnels. She needed the quiet. Swallowing, she took out her phone and called her top number. Putting the phone near her ear, she waited for Noah to pick up.

" _Hello?_ "

"Noah, are you - are you busy?" she asked quietly.

" _No. Just sleeping near the N.I.C.U. I have a baby who was born early. You?"_

"Just want to talk to you," she murmured and he sighed. There was something rustling as if he was settling deeper into his chair. In Mass Gen, Noah leaned back into his chair as he pulled his lab coat higher up. "How's Theresa - the kids?"

" _Good,"_ he whispered, " _growing up fast. Wait a second, vital check."_ He got up and there was a moment of silence before he plopped back down. " _Stats are good._ " She laid down on the gurney and rested her head on her labcoat.

"That's good." She murmured, "Mark's moving on from me, I think." The brunette whispered and Noah sighed. "We broke up and he's moved on."

" _Yeah. Do you need me to come over to kick his ass?_ "

"No. I broke up with him," she clarified, "and I got all hypocritical and I think he's gone. For good."

" _Nah. He'll come back."_

"If he doesn't?"

" _You'll move on. You moved on from A, you can move on from this."_

"But, I don't think I'll ever love someone more than I love Mark. It's unfair to whoever's next." Her tone said that she knew something her brother didn't but he let it go. "I miss Tom."

" _I miss him, too, Emi."_ He murmured softly, voice sounding as if he had aged ten years in just a span of three seconds. " _I have a new resident on my service every week and I always want to yell at them."_ She smiled with a tinge of something bittersweet. " _They don't know how to organize my charts - they don't know that in the O.R. I like my patients there five minutes earlier so I can speak to them. It's just… I hate it. I hate that he's gone. And it's been months."_

"I know, No'," she whispered, "I hate it too."

.

Alex slammed his door closed as he left it, waking almost everyone in the house. That was customary these days and how Emily knew Alex was awake as she made her way down the stairs. Going into the kitchen, she mumbled a 'good morning' to Derek and poured herself a cup of coffee. Lexie was already in the kitchen as the brunette rubbed at her eyes and yawned.

"Where's Taylor?"

"Overnight shift."

"Ah." The older surgeon sat beside Lexie as someone knocked on the door. Derek excused himself to get it. "I think I'm on ortho today but I don't really know because I'm really tired and didn't check. I hate myself," she added with a groan as she rested her head against the countertop, her forearms acting as her pillow, "I shouldn't have decided to do back-to-back trauma shifts." Lexie laughed and continued eating her porridge. When Derek reappeared, he was followed by a unknown man.

"Derek," Lexie said slowly, uncertainly, as Emily gave the man a once over.

"Is this where Alex Karev lives?"

"Yeah, and who are you?" the younger Grey stood, cradling her cup of coffee as he stuck out a hand to shake and smiled.

"Aaron Karev." He had blue eyes, and although he barely looked like Alex, Emily could see him reflected in the way he held himself and his mannerisms as he introduced himself. Still, what an unexpected way to start her morning.

.

The end of another very long day. It felt like all her days were long these days. Always exhausting, always looking for a moment to calm down. She was always so on guard, watching out for Mark, she never realized how tired she was until she was alone. Down in the tunnels, she busied herself with reading the various types of snacks in the vending machine when there was a new presence.

"Hey."

"Hey." Jackson sat down on the gurney behind her and she turned around, leaning against the vending machine. "You know you have a little something…" Taking out a tissue from the pack she kept in her pocket, she wiped away a dot of blood on his neck before throwing it away. Smiling, he rubbed the spot on his neck that was now clean.

"How was your day? You look kinda stressed."

"Uh, I'm okay. I just feel a different kind of tired," she said, sitting down on the gurney beside him. There was a hollowed feeling in her chest, one that made her want to curl up and sleep forever. She just needed someone to hold her tight and she needed that someone to be Mark. She needed him and she couldn't have him.

"You miss him."

"I miss him." She turned to look into his eyes, a slight smile playing at her lips. "It's a whole different kind of tired. Missing him is a whole different kind of tired," whispered the brunette, bending her knees and hugging them to her chest. Resting her forehead against her knees, she sighed.

"You could try talking to him."

"And have him throw me out of O.R.s, and deal with the hot and cold?" Her head tilted back against the bricks. "That's another story. That's just… hurt." She took a breath. "Before him, I never - I didn't want anyone because the last guy who loved me broke me." Just thinking about him, that insufferable man whom she had loved, caused her heart to ache, old scars complaining from being reawakened. "And I took that leap with Mark. I took it with him and he just wasn't… he just wasn't it."

"There'll always be someone."

"But I love him." Emily closed her eyes, trying to stop her throat from squeezing shut. It bruised to try but she did so anyway. "I love him."

"Okay, okay." Jackson patted his shoulder and she leaned against him, the grip on her knees loosening. "Just… just-" he stopped himself. "I don't know what to say. I'm sorry, but I can stay here in the quiet with you, if you want," he said and she nodded.

"Okay."

Hours later, when Charles Percy walked down to the tunnels to see his best friend and some resident sleeping against the wall, he woke his best friend up.

"Wake up, Avery." Starting awake, Jackson blinked and stretched, waking Emily up in the process. "What're you guys doing? Hiding?"

"Sleeping until someone woke me up," Emily snapped, getting up and off the gurney. Her bones cracked as she pulled Jackson off.

"Well, I was gonna ask if Jackson wanted to get drinks since technically we're off shift."

"Yeah, sure." Jackson turned to Emily who shrugged.

"I'm gonna head up. I'll think about what you said, Jackie." He rolled his eyes at the nickname and she sighed, straightening out her lab coat. "I'll try and talk to him but I'm probably gonna go crash… somewhere."

"Alright. Get home safe, okay?" Jackson whispered and she nodded. "If you need me-"

"You're on my speed dial," she promised and headed up. She really didn't want to go to Meredith's house. She just wanted to… just wanted to lie down on any floor and melt into the earth.

"Emily! Hey!" Turning around, she saw Cristina approach her with a phone in hand. "You going to see Robbins later? 'Cause she left her phone here."

"Don't you live with her?"

"Uh, I live with Callie and Owen. I don't want to walk into whatever is happenin' between them. Plus, if she gets a call, she can't miss it." Rolling her eyes, she extended her hand. Emily pocketed the phone as the two residents left the hospital. "I need to talk to Owen, anyway."

"You guys okay?" Cristina sighed at the question, eyes downcast. "Cristina?"

"It'll be fine." Doubtful, Emily crossed the street with her friend who let her up. Entering the apartment, she headed straight for Callie and Arizona's room once Cristina gave her a point in the right direction. There were loud screams and Emily hesitated for a moment before gathering her courage and raising her knuckles to the wood.

"Arizona, you left your phone at the hospital," Emily said, opening the door after a knock. The two attendings fell silent. "Here." She tossed it onto the bed near Arizona and the blonde took it into her lap.

"Thanks." Nodding, the brunette left. When the door clicked close, there was a silence before the shouting resumed. Cristina and Owen were at a stand-still and Emily's presence made all the attention divert to her.

"Uh, I'm gonna head back to the hospital. You guys need anything?" Emily offered before she left just as the door was nearly pounded in.

"Just a minute. Just a minute! What?" Cristina asked, opening the door. Mark stormed in and Emily felt paralyzed upon seeing him. His eyes passed over her as he walked into the kitchen.

"Yang, you got a suture kit?"

"Uh, yeah."

"Where's Robbins?" he asked, searching underneath the sink and in different cabinets to find it. Cristina went to the cabinet beside the fridge, grabbing it and handing it to the man.

"Mark." Emily found her voice and he turned to her. "What's going on?"

"I need Robbins! Robbins!"

"What's going on?" Owen asked as Mark looked up again.

"Wait, two. I need two suture kits!" Emily was passed one of Cristina's kits and she walked across the hall to see Teddy urging Sloan to push.

"Why is he screaming?"

"Baby. Now!" Tearing open the suture kit, she crouched down beside Teddy and handed her a clamp.

"Another." Passing the tool to her, she was well aware of Mark crouching down beside her and she stood up, backing away. Cristina took her place with another suture kit. Standing, Emily realized there were too many doctors in so little a space. Arizona crouched down on the other side of Teddy as Emily backed away, out through the door. Callie was just coming out of her apartment and Emily felt her hand grip her arm.

She couldn't be here for this. She wasn't supposed to be here.

"Em, wait," Callie whispered but she only shook her head. Her eyes burned and she couldn't tear her eyes away from Mark. "You should stay."

"I can't. I - I'm going back to the hospital," she whispered and whipped around, walking down the hall. There was the picture in her head, of Mark and his daughter and her son, and she took herself out of it. Just as she said she would. It should've been liberating.

Except why did it feel like she was alone? Like she was who she was years ago, feeling the need to move across the country?

Because Mark was moving on. But for her? That seemed impossible.

.

"Did you see the baby?" Callie asked. Emily started when the ortho attending appeared from nowhere. "Super adorable and Mark's gone totally crazy for him." Arizona appeared on her other side and she glanced between the two girlfriends.

"Why are you cornering me?" Emily asked warily and Callie gave a super mega-watt grin. "Are you asking me to come see the - Oh, for the love of God, no."

"Come on, you love babies and you love Mark-"

"That doesn't mean I want to see Mark's grandson."

"Em." Arizona's softer voice made her look up at the blonde, "This baby needs parents and Sloan's cancelling the adoption. This baby-"

"Arizona-" Callie tried to protest but the blonde wouldn't budge.

"No, Mark won't listen to me and you're biased." Arizona held up a hand and the two had a tension-filled staring contest. "He might listen to you. This baby needs real parents who love him. Not a teenage girl and Mr. Midlife Crisis. And Sloan chose real parents - she chose the one sound decision she could make in her situation but now, she's flooded with postpartum hormones."

"And what do you want me to do? Arizona, we aren't together."

"Exactly." Callie pointed a finger at Emily as if she just chose a side. "And what's wrong with Mark and I raising a kid?"

"Because it isn't just 'Mark and I'. It's 'Mark and I' plus me. Your girlfriend. And I don't want a kid!"

"Oh, not this again-"

"Okay, you know what - you just dragged me into the middle of a fight I don't need to be part of." Emily closed the chart with a slam and pointed a pen at Callie. "I love Mark, I do, but what he wants isn't what's best for all parties. He may want the kid, but Arizona is right. You're biased, you love Mark and you want what he wants. I get that, but you know what? I am not going to stand by and watch Sloan take the baby out of the adoption just because she's hormonal. She won't just regret it because it'll probably mess up her life, she'll regret it because it'll ruin that kid's."

"Em-"

"Do you know what will happen if Sloan gives the baby up for adoption? Mark will be hurt because…" her eyes closed and she imagined him near a crib as he rocked a baby, "that man loves with his whole heart. But then, he'll get better. He'll move, settle with someone he really loves and have his own kid. Not some grandson from a daughter he just met five minutes ago. He'll get better, Sloan can go back home, and the baby will be raised in a stable family who have wanted a baby longer than you probably have."

"Emily," Callie began softly and the brunette shot her a look as if a challenge to test her and say she was wrong.

"Let's go see baby Sloan, Arizona." The blonde nodded and they made their way to the N.I.C.U. leaving a stunned Callie behind.

.

Emily picked up the baby from the crib, immediately settling him in his arms. Baby Sloan cooed and sucked in his bottom lip, drool spilling out of his mouth.

"Emily, I'm going to go get Mark," Arizona murmured but the baby had the brunette in raptures.

"Yeah, yeah," she mumbled and distantly heard the door click close as she began to rock him back and forth. Humming softly, she split into a bright grin when he caught a tendril of her hair that had fallen loose from her bun in his fist. He tugged and giggled when it wouldn't come loose. "Aren't you the cutest?" she whispered, sitting down in the recliner. Studying the baby's face, she could almost imagine that instead of his brown eyes, he'd have Mark's eccentric blue ones.

Brushing her nose against his forehead, she inhaled the baby scent as he let out a wordless yawn. The action was so endearing and endlessly cute that she felt her heart melt, fingers brushing over his little tuft of hair. _God,_ she thought helplessly, _this would be a great way to die._ _This baby is too cute for words._ There was a gurgle and she pulled back to see his dark eyes peering up at her before his mouth widened. The beginnings of a cry.

Raking her gaze around the room, she spotted a stuffed giraffe in the crib and leaned forward to grab it, making sure baby Sloan wouldn't slip or be unsupported. Making tiny clicking sounds to imitate hooves, she jumped the giraffe up his tummy and into his arms, nuzzling his face with the giraffe's soft head.

The infant closed his mouth, letting out a pleased warble as it grabbed the long neck and snuggled into it. Emily grinned, kissing the baby on the forehead.

"Sweet dreams," she hummed a lullaby, slowly reclining back into the chair. Turning off the lamp beside her, she resumed her gentle humming, occasionally saying soft things as if life lessons. "You know you can survive anything," or reciting poems: "Be careful because butterflies can be wasps. When your stomach flutters, and your hands shake, and your cheeks flush, sometimes it's not love. It's pain."

Obviously, she'd choose the most somber kind of sayings.

Looking down at him, she realized that he was finally sleeping but the brunette was reluctant to let him go. Instead, she rested her head against the cushion just as Arizona came back with Mark in tow. Moving the baby to one arm, she placed her index finger against her lips to signal to be quiet. Standing up, she transferred the baby into Mark's arms. He looked at her through his lashes, blue eyes piercing her soul. She tried to smile but it was weak when his hand covered hers.

For a moment, all time froze and it was just them. Hazel meeting icy blue, a baby between their bodies. If someone were to freeze it and take a picture, it would look as if they were two people, deeply in love as they held their child between them. But pictures are always up to interpretation. The real meaning, more often than not, was so much worse.

Then, that slice of time where they looked into each other's eyes, words unsaid between them, was gone and he took the baby from her arms. He gently patted his back and clicked his tongue as Arizona closed the door and stood between them.

"Mark, have you… have you called the parents yet?" Arizona broached the topic carefully but Mark's gaze was immediately ripped from his grandson.

"Sloan already told you. She isn't-"

"Don't tell me you buy that. She's flooded with hormones. Do you really think she's thinking straight?" Arizona scoffed as Emily pulled back. "Mark, this baby needs parents."

"And we can be parents. Callie and I."

"But it's more than that," Emily murmured and he looked at her, betrayed. "Mark, ask her again if this is what she really wants. Ask her if she wants the responsibility that comes with being a parent? She's just a kid, too." His hand froze, just holding his grandson that he already loved so much.

"But…"

"We're looking out for all parties," Arizona supported, hands in her lab coat's pockets. "And as your daughter's doctor, I can guarantee that the only reason she's changing her mind is because of the postpartum hormones. Those will fade within a day or two and then she'll see that she's being a good mom. Giving him up is her being a good mom." A smile had appeared on her face as she spoke. It wasn't the normal, bright, cheery grin. Just one that was tight, stretched across her face in sympathy.

He looked helplessly between the two women and the baby in his arms. He turned, paced back and forth slowly before looking up, mind made. Emily nodded, already reading his thoughts and taking the baby back from his arms. He watched as a maternal expression fitted naturally across her face, holding onto the giraffe for him as his hand slipped into his pant pocket for his phone.

He tried to memorize the sight of her with his baby. He might never see it again.*

.

Spotting him standing outside Sloan's room, Emily held the chart in her hands. She started to head up to him when another shape approached him. Pausing, she watched as Teddy and Mark spoke. The man and woman leaned against the wall and she swallowed, trying to find the words.

She was saved by the bell when her pager beeped for her to report to the E.R. Clearing her throat, she clicked it to silence it just as Mark looked towards her. His eyes were wide, staring straight into her mind and she felt a shiver try to shake her resolve. Turning around, she dropped off the chart at a nurse's station and tried to ignore how his stare seemed to burn into her back even after she turned the corner.

.

"What are you doing?" Emily asked warily when she spotted Mark hauling a bucket of golf balls, Derek at his side. The question was mainly directed at the Chief but with Mark's stare, she didn't want to look lest he distract her.

"The roof. We're going golfing." Smiling, she cocked her head.

"That's a public health hazard, Chief Shepherd. Think of the scandal," she teased and he rolled his eyes, heading for the elevator. "Don't break your back."

"I'm not that old," Derek called, but Mark stood where he was. "I'm gonna go set up. Mark. The plastics surgeon dragged his gaze from Emily to his friend. "I'll meet you up there." With that, the neurosurgeon entered the lift, leaving the two exes standing there.

"How're you and Teddy?" she asked first and he smiled slightly.

Good. Good, and, uh, you? How are you?"

"I'm good. I'm good. I've been kinda living in the hospital recently. Lots of trauma cases," she said with a nod and he nodded as well. An awkward silence befell them again and she looked around, trying to find a reason to leave. If she stayed longer, she might spill something she didn't want to spill. "And how are you, specifically?"

"Emily, you don't have to do this, talk to me like I'm anyone but someone who's been treating you unfairly." She swallowed at his words. "I know you probably hate me." Heading past her, he ducked his head and she swallowed back her tears.

Her voice was small, quiet, as she whispered, "I miss you." Still, he heard her and she exhaled, closing her eyes and clenching her jaw. "I miss my best friend."

"I miss my best friend too," he said and she turned around, eyes glossy. A smile was upon her lips but everything in her eyes betrayed it.

"I hope you're happy, with Teddy." Whirling around again and walking away, she stopped when he called after her..

"Em…" He took a step after her and she turned to face him.

"Dr. Sloan, if I stand here talking to you, I know I'll say something I'm not sure is a smart thing to say. I'll say something that is stupid, and clingy, and I - Mark, I just miss you."

"I miss you, too." Smiling, she blinked and a few tears tracked down her cheek. She wiped them away hastily, sniffing. "I'm sorry for what I said, that day. I knew you weren't ready and I still pushed. And I'm sorry."

"Okay." Nearly mouthing the word - her voice nearly dead - she spun around before he could say more and wiped at the tears coming from his eyes. The exhaustion weighed her down, cracked her will.

She needed to sleep. For an eon.

.

"A house party," Emily repeated as Alex fixed his tie. "Seriously? Just because Derek's being 'chiefly'." She bent her fingers as quotation marks as she picked up a glass of punch. "Like, what is that?"

"I don't know but I don't like it. I have to wear a fricken' tie." He grumbled and she sighed. He fidgeted with his tie and she rolled her eyes.

"Stop fidgeting."

"You stop fidgeting."

"Can't. Mark's here," she said with a low voice and he snorted into his glass of wine. "Dude."

"You guys broke up, whatever. Just hide from him." She shrugged as she smoothed any invisible wrinkles on her peach colored dress.

"Like I haven't been doing that for the past few weeks. I went all 'I miss you' and it was sad and pathetic," she hissed and he finished his wine as Lexie sneaked up the stairs with Taylor. Getting an idea of what they were going to do, she gagged and turned back to Alex. "It's not even that. It's just… things have been weird since the golf thing." She looked out into the masses as people talked to their friends, drinking occasionally or eating. "God, this is a lame party." She finished up her punch and excused herself to go for a refill. "You want anything?"

"Nah, I'm good. Don't get laid tonight. I don't think your mental health can take it," he said. She patted his arm and slipped into the crowd. Finding Jackson and April, she saw Reed go off into the crowd.

"What's going on?"

"Reed's trying to pick up Sloan." Turning sharply to follow their gaze, she felt her heart drop into her stomach.

"Oh." Jackson frowned at her utterance as April chattered on about how inappropriate it is.

Leaning down, he pretended to be wiping his mouth as he whispered, "Go. Take back your man." Nudging her forward, he cleared his throat and turned away towards April. Putting a smile on her face, she stared at Jackson with ' _I hate you'_ eyes before setting forward, one foot in front of the other.

But when she saw that smirk, that deadly smirk directed at that stupid tiny brunette, she pulled a sharp left for the tables lined with food. She couldn't face him when he was about to go down on someone else. It'd be humiliating and embarrassing and she needed a drink.

.

Mark knew Adamson was proposing to spend the night. He was looking in the direction of the kitchen where Yang was talking to Hunt when he realized she was talking to him. He looked at the tiny woman beside him, smiling coyly at him. She was still talking as he looked out into the hallway near the doorway and staircase. Taylor had just went up the stairs with his girlfriend so that was one friend down. This was so boring.

Looking back at Adamson, he offered to get another drink. The brunette seemed delighted as they made their way to the makeshift drinks table.

Pouring the spiked punch mindlessly to his partner, he poured another for himself after passing it to her. There were no words as she smiled again, swirling her glass around. The diluted pink color made him remember Emily and he swallowed his drink. Her dress was that color today.

"Excuse me," someone murmured and although it was a few metres away and the talking of other people nearly overpowered her, he just caught it. Glimpsing a flash of pale pink, his head snapped up and found her staring at him.

"I'll be right back," he mumbled and slipped past Adamson. Her hand brushed against his as she turned to watch him go but he pulled it away, making his way to her. Emily was standing by some hor d'oeuvres and he pretended to be interested in them, leaning in beside her. She drew away but he caught her wrist.

For a moment, time stopped. Guarded saffron met piercing sapphire as she faltered, not moving away. There was nothing for her to say but he had something to. As she slipped away again, he held on tighter.

"Uh, hey. Nice… party," he said. That was a stupid thing to start with. _Stupid, stupid, stupid!_ he mentally chastised and she looked away.

"Yeah." She offered a smile. "Kind of boring though. How are you?" Her eyes showed no sadness or regret. Her last words may have been her missing him but she seemed perfectly fine. Or maybe he just didn't know how to read her anymore. The thought _terrified_ him. "Uh, I have to get back to Jackson and April, so if you don't plan on answering…" The stinging blow to his heart nearly shook his grip but he maintained it until she came closer, allowing him to relax. Her eyes peered up at him and his gaze became entranced at the swirl of hazel.

"You guys doing okay?" He meant to ask it amicably but it came out tired and sad.

"Yeah, of course. They're my chaperones since Alex probably dipped." She smiled slightly but then glanced in the way he came where Reed was pretending to act busy whilst she sneaked glances at them. "It's nice having some new friends, even though Kepner makes me want to punch her face sometimes." She gave a nervous laugh.

"That's nice."

"Yeah, and Jackson and Alex help. I, uh, went to an O.B. the other day to check my hCG levels."

"Oh, that's good," he said and she looked down into her punch glass. "You don't have to tell me what they are. It's none of my business."

"I can't have a kid. They're too low," she said anyway and he swallowed a knot. "So, it's good that we broke up because I can't give you what you want right now." He looked at the floor, releasing her hand. "Um, tell Teddy that I say hi, I heard she couldn't make it. I guess - give her my best wishes." Emily nodded, as if trying to convince herself of her next words. "She's perfect for you." She just started walking around him when-

"I love you and I want a second chance," he blurted out quickly. She jumped, eyebrows raised in surprise, Her mouth dropped open and blood rushed to pool in her cheeks. "Oh, uhm—" He sucked in a breath between his teeth— "I did not mean to spring that on you."

"Oh, uh…" she trailed off, completely thrown off and unknowing of what to say. At first, she could barely decipher what he said, the speed of his words coming so quickly her brain couldn't absorb it all at once. But when his words finally sunk into her, she felt her blood simultaneously chill and boil at the same time. "Mark, I-" she sighed. "You're with Teddy."

"But, I love you and I miss you, so much."

"Mark-" He felt a heavy weight settle on his chest at the crack of her voice. She looked overwhelmed and he knew that she was freaking out inside. "Mark, I can't give you what you want."

"So?"

Helpless, she set down her punch glass and her eyes flickered down to his lips before focusing on his eyes. "Emily!" They were snapped out of their bubble when Derek called her name. Beside him was Lexie. "Jacks needs help with something."

"Oh, o-okay." She nodded, dazed, before walking away. Little Grey had a flushed, worried expression as she led the woman away through the crowd. Derek walked up to him, a slightly vexed mask on his face.

"Mark."

"What?" There was a slight sigh and two darker blue eyes stared at their lighter brother pair. They searched his face, wondering. "I didn't do anything. Trust me."

"Not from where I was. Sounded like you sprung that on her."

"I know." He set down his glass, defeated, "But what I said was true and when Adamson wanted to spend the night… and she came… I don't know. I feel like a tool." Derek laid a hand on his harm, rubbing it in a way of comfort and he sighed. "I want to marry her," he admitted. "I want to have a family with her."

"She still loves you, too," Derek murmured. "Just give her a moment or two to bounce back. You'll get your answer soon." Clapping him on the back, the neurosurgeon looked into his eyes. "God, women are complicated." At this, Mark chuckled, glad that his best friend was at least trying to cheer him up. "Come on, let's get you another drink." He completely forgot about Adamson as of then as Derek lead him to the kitchen for a beer.

"Fantastic idea, Chief."

.

Emily climbed the stairs and went into Lexie's room followed by Lexie. "What happened?"

"Okay, so we were just-"

"No details," she amended her past question, knowing that Lexie's messy hair was caused by someone else. "Just… why am I here?"

"Okay, so we were just-" They reached the room and Emily knocked on the door. "Maybe I should go in first." The brunette slipped in first before opening the door wider for Emily. "I don't know how but-" Emily walked in to see Taylor writhing in pain, naked and only covered across his _area_ by a blanket.

"Oh, for the love of god. Did you do what I think you just did?" Lexie bit her fingernails and Taylor opened his blue eyes to see Emily.

"Why are you bringing people to see my humiliation?" he hissed and Lexie kissed his forehead.

"This person is here to take you to the hospital 'cause I have no idea what the hell happened to you. Now, let me examine the injury." Emily crouched beside the bed.

"No!"

"Taylor," she snapped, "take the cover _off._ " Once he did so, she groaned and sat back. "Is that what I think it is?"

"It's a penile fracture," Taylor wheezed and he scrabbled for his phone on the nightstand. Call Hunt. He knows how to fix this." Flopping back onto the bed, the blond man let out a shout through clenched teeth. Fishing out her phone, Emily called ahead to the hospital while turning to Lexie.

"Alright, alright. Cover it back up. Lexie, go get Callie and Owen." Noddin, the woman got up and ran to the room as Emily brushed Taylor's hair back.

"Mark told me he loves me," she said and the trauma surgeon looked at her. "I didn't say anything because he can't say that. He's with Teddy."

"Don't you love him, too?" he panted and she smiled despite it. "You should tell him."

"He wants kids,and a house, and a family. And I can do it, but I just feel like there's so much water under the bridge, or whatever."

"That's not how the saying goes," he hissed as Lexie returned with the two surgeons. Emily stood, letting the two inspect the injury.

"Moore, you're scrubbing in," Callie said over her shoulder as they covered up the injury again.

"Anything to get out of this place," she said in relief, leading the way down the stairs.

 **A/N: Edited - October 25, 2018**

 ** _* He might never see it again._ This could mean 2 things, depending on how you want to interpret it. One being, he'll never see Emily holding his child. Two, he'll never see his grandson. However you'd like to think of it is up to you!**

 **Next: The shooting.**


	50. Scrubcaps

_I am not going to survive our wedding day._

 _-Mark Sloan_

* * *

"Here, try the silver one," Camille said confidently, plucking the gold fabric marker from her hand and replacing it with the silver one. Emily smiled at her patient, taking it and drawing a moon on the black t-shirt.

"How's school? Or how was it before this?" the doctor asked, tilting her head as she filled in the outline. Camille sighed, flexing her broken leg's toes before returning to drawing some sort of abstract flower on her own white tee.

"This guy asked me out to the movies, but I don't know if I should say yes." Smiling, the brunette looked at her patient to prompt her for an explanation. "He's nice and funny, but he isn't too smart. But I like him, a lot. It's just my parents would hate him since he's not too bright."

"You like him, you like him," Emily said with a shrug. Capping the marker, she marvelled at the masterpiece. "You should just say yes, try for the first date. You like it, you ask for another. Or hint at another, whatever." Camille bit the end of her marker and Emily sighed. "Your parents are at a conference and I'm technically your doctor. You should listen to your doctor's advice." Laughing, Camille returned the marker to gliding across the fabric. "Hospital date. Always fun."

"And what about you? Do you have a boyfriend?" Camille asked, running a hand through her red hair to tame it. Tucking it behind her ear, she furrowed her eyebrows as she meticulously used the pointiest edge and drew an outline of the stem before switching to green.

"I'm a doctor. We have our lives put on hold for like a decade if we can't find anyone outside the hospital."

"You didn't answer the question." Rolling her eyes, Emily slipped the marker into her pocket, letting her shirt dry.

"Yes, I had a boyfriend. You know, Dr. Sloan? The one who did the skingraft on your leg? Since you somehow managed to burn and break it all in one day."

"It was a bad day!" Camille exclaimed, causing Emily to laugh. "He was your boyfriend?"

"Yeah. We broke up a few months ago."

"Oh, why?" Ever the teenager, Camille didn't know when to stop with the questions.

"We wanted different things. Just adult stuff, which you don't have to worry about right now with this nice, stupid guy." Smiling, Camille sat up straighter before wincing. Her pillows had deflated, no longer elevating her leg enough. Getting up, she told her, "I'm gonna get you some more pillows."

"Thanks, Dr. M."

"No problem." She grinned and left the room. Taking a left, she continued on her way for the extra pillows. Deciding to stock up on pain meds just in case, she went down to the lobby and main nurse's office. The big supply closet was near the pit.

She knew Mark was following her the moment she saw him.

"Em." He put a hand on her arm and she pulled away. "Let me explain."

"Mark, you're with Teddy." She pulled away but he followed. She sidled in beside Alex, grabbing a few pain meds as Mark sighed.

"We're not together. And we were never - Em, come on."

"I need some pillows," Emily murmured to herself and Alex was about to say something when there was a _bang._ "What the hell?" The three of them walked around the corner where the towels and pillows and gauze was held.

"Dude, what the-" Alex began to say as they spotted a man in a brown jacket. He turned around and Emily spotted the gun in his hand before the way his dead blue eyes pierced her soul. He raised his arm and Alex raised a hand to deflect it as if skin could stop a bullet.

"Alex!" She reached out to push him but Mark moved faster, pushing Alex behind him. The shot rang in her ears, deafening her as Alex pulled her away and around the corner. Her screams echoed down the hall but he clamped a hand around her mouth as Mark's still body disappeared around the corner. "Alex," she repeated as she breathed in raggedly. Her heart felt like a weight in her chest, dropping into her stomach. Her bones trembled in her body, her blood surged like a tidal wave.

"Wait for him to leave," he whispered and she nodded shakily. The gunshot still rang in her ears but she managed to stifle any tears as finally, there was the pad of footsteps that faded away. Ripping free from Alex's grasp, she swung around the corner as Mark gasped for air. He clutched onto his side as blood invaded the floor like an infection. He scrambled towards her and panic nearly blinded her.

But she was not someone blinded by panic. So she took those feelings and shoved them back in their cages. Turning to Alex, she crouched beside Mark and pressed her hands against Mark's side. Immediately, he screamed in agony and blood gushed out from between her fingers.

"Okay, we have to get the medical supplies." She managed to keep her voice stable. "Alex."

"Em-"

"Alex, you have to tell Shepherd what just happened. You - you have to tell him that someone just shot Reed - th-that she's dead. That someone shot Mark. There is a shooter in the hospital." Returning her gaze back to Mark, she plastered a smile on her face, trying to keep herself calm. "Go." She looked over her shoulder when he didn't move, the smile dropping off her face. "Alex, _now! Move, go!"_ she screamed and he snapped out of it. "Okay, Mark. Hey, hey." She slapped his cheek lightly as he began shuddering. Her scrubs were soaked to her skin as she whipped off her lab coat haphazardly. The blood wasn't stopping. Lifting him up, she checked to see if it was a through and through before tying her lab coat around him by the sleeves tightly. He groaned against the pressure, crunching up but she pushed him back down.

The sleeves tied into a knot, she secured it with her spare hair tie from around her wrist, and tucked the ends of her lab coat underneath fabric that was soaking up the most blood. Once she was sure it was applying adequate pressure, she took his hands.

"Okay, you have to help me. Hold onto that." She searched for gauze with one hand on his wound and he wheezed, eyes trying to find something to anchor onto.

Standing up, she grabbed the packets - as many as she could - and ripped them open as she stuffed the gauze underneath the lab coat which was soaked in russet at this point. He yelled in pain, tears leaking out of his eyes as she tightened the knot even harder, tugging the ends of the sleeves with more force.

Her skin was slick with blood as he reached for her wrist, trying to find a solid grip. The blood underneath her fingernails and between her knuckles was drying but he clutched onto her arm like a lifeline as she repositioned near his head and began dragging him across the floor.

"Mark, I need you to help me. I know it hurts but you have to try. I can't do this alone," whispered the brunette. He was shaking so hard against her and her lips quivered, tears blurring her vision. His feet pushed against the floor as she began dragging him, ignoring how his grip was becoming weak and how the floor squeaked when he pushed against the tide of blood.

Slapping the button with a red hand, she stared ahead of her, at the blood trail, at Reed's blank eyes. The elevator dinged - such a normal sound - and she began to pull him in. She had felt relief when it opened but it quickly faded as he slouched down out of her grasp. Hitching him up from under the arms, she pulled the rest of him inside and went down by his side, pressing the lab coat against the hole for him. His hand went limp and his eyes rolled back into his head. "Mark, Mark!" she whispered furiously through her tears. "No, no, no. Stay awake!" She shook him with one hand and with a jolt, he started.

"Em…" he slurred and the arm on his uninjured side twitched. Her eyes darted to the motion and with her heart pulsing in her throat, she realized he still wore the watch she gave him. "I..."

"It's okay," she whispered, pressing harder as the elevator began to move. Blood sponged out, squishing against his ribs. _Can this elevator go any faster?_ Her hands felt sticky, clammy at the same time as ice cold. The doors opened and she opened her mouth to scream for help.

Glancing up, she met eyes with Alex and Lexie. "Help me, we have to get him out of here." Alex bent down, taking legs.

"Help me carry him," Alex grunted and Emily immediately hoisted up his chest and arms. "Lex, get everything you think we'll need and meet us by the conference room." They ran to the conference room and Emily busted it open. Lexie came in after with a suture kit, oxygen and scalpels and other medicinal supplies. Emily began untying the knot, using the lab coat as a sheet on the conference table.

"I grabbed everything I could think of," Lexie managed to say. Mark groaned as Alex settled him back on the side. Emily grabbed a pair of gloves despite her hands being scarlet already and she grimaced at the stains she left behind.

"Lexie, where's Taylor?" Emily asked as she began inspecting the wound. Snapping on a pair of gloves, she heard Mark mumble something through clenched teeth. Alex grabbed a pair of scissors and cut open the shirt.

"W-what? That's the first thing you ask?"

"The first thing I want is you out of here. I want you both out of here as soon as you guys can leave." Lexie slipped a pillow underneath his head as Emily stroked Mark's hair and leaned down so he could see her clearly. "Mark, you stay with me. You've been shot and I need you to stay still," she ordered, voice like steel. She couldn't feel in a situation like this. Right now, Mark wasn't the man he loved, he was just another patient. That's how she needed to get through this.

"We need to get out of here - that man could come back. We have to get him out of here."

"There's no exit wound," she announced, "Alex, help me flip him." Lexie continued speaking rapidly and Emily pinned her down with a icy glare. "Lexie, I need you to help. Okay? Now tell me where Taylor is."

"He's not here - he's off shift. H-he's still recovering from surgery." Nodding, Emily asked Alex to grab Mark from under the shoulders. Mark moaned and more blood gushed out of the wound. Cringing slightly, she heard Lexie like she was somewhere far away but she was still talking about getting out of here. "Lexie! Shut up!" she snapped. "He's losing too much blood. He can't move." Whimpering, Mark tried to steady his breathing as Lexie hooked up the oxygen, and threaded the tubes into his nose and around his ears.

"He needs a chest tube. Em, can you do this?" Alex asked as he tore the plastic tube out from its packaging.

"We're just gonna have to wing it. Lex, set up an I.V."

"I… _will fucking kill that…_ man." Mark grunted and his breathing hitched as she draped the field. " _I swear to God._ "

"Mark, we don't need to hear about your homicidal promises just right now. I'm about to put in a chest tube and I need you to be strong, okay?" she whispered and she made the mistake of glancing into his face. It was full of sweat, morphed by torture as his icy blue eyes met hers. She nearly broke down at how much suffering was in his eyes. "Be strong," she repeated more to herself as she took the scalpel. "Betadine." Alex squeezed it out of the bottle and onto the gauze, wiping it all over the area. She dug the small knife into his skin. Mark let out a deafening scream.

"It's okay, it's okay," Lexie soothed as he held onto her hand and squeezed the life out of her. She tried to smile but failed to and tears leaked from her eyes.

"Okay, Alex, are you ready?" Her friend nodded and she swallowed painfully. Lexie glanced at them nervously, grabbing the tape to secure it. "Lexie, hold his arm, make sure he doesn't move."

"Please, no," Mark breathed out right before Emily inserted the scalpel again and wiped away the blood. A scream ripped from his throat and Emily paused for a millisecond before continuing to push it in. "Ah!"

"Mark, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she whispered before glaring at her friends. "Guys, we've got to shut him up. Lexie, shut him up! I have to focus!" Slicing through the chest wall, she extended a hand for Alex to place the next piece she needed. The chest tube was placed in her hand and she immediately positioned it before jabbing it in, breaching the chest wall, widening the cut. Taping it securely to the man's coated chest, she ripped off her gloves. "Alex, can you take over?" When he nodded, she went right above his head.

"Mark, you have to be quiet, okay?" she yelled as Lexie searched for something to stuff his mouth with. "Hey! Shut up!" she snapped and he paused for a moment but then Alex, in his haste, jostled the chest tube. Stabilizing it again, he prodded around the ribs to check for any bone fragments as the blue-eyed man roared in agony. "Mark," she whispered, stroking his face. "Hey, think about something. Take your mind off the pain."

" _That son of a bitch,_ "

"Besides the man who shot you." His jaw set and he clenched his teeth. "Okay, um, what about confession time?" she suggested as Mark nodded shakily. "Lex, hang the fluids."

"I love you. These past few months - I just - I love you," he breathed and she nodded shakily, kissing his forehead. His blue eyes were wide, a ring of white around his eyes as he continued to try and cough.

"B.P's sixty palp," Lexie informed, calmer as she listened to his heart.

"He's losing too much blood. Damn it," Alex cursed, gazing at the blood streaked across the man's chest.

Emily piped up, "He needs a transfusion. One of us has to go out there and get blood-"

"That's way too dangerous," Alex protested when Emily stood. Lexie, by Mark's side and holding his hand, pressed her lips together in resolution. "You could die if you go out there."

"And he'll die if I don't," she argued as Lexie looked up.

"I'll go - you guys - you guys know what to do and I - I don't - I…" Lexie trailed off as she took off her gloves.

"I can go. Alex can keep Mark alive. Lex-"

"I can't do nothing!" she exclaimed. "I have to do something or I'll go insane. Mark, don't die. Okay, please don't die." The brunette squeezed Mark's hand before letting go and she headed for the entrance. Emily intercepted her, hugged her tightly.

"Stay safe, okay?" she whispered into her hair and Lexie nodded tearily.

"Okay," the younger Grey murmured and she left the room. Emily stared after her for a few seconds, blinked and returned to Mark's side.

"Karev," Mark muttered, "don't let me die."

"I'm trying man. If I did, Em would kill me." Alex managed a shadowed, dark smile and Mark nodded. He was gasping for air and she held onto his hand. The action and feel was so familiar as she kissed him on the lips to assure him that she wouldn't leave.

"I love you, okay? I love you," Emily confessed and he nodded and managed a stupid, cheeky smile. "Don't say I told you so," she warned and he shut his mouth. Alex looked out the window for Lexie as the hazel-eyed woman whispered things to him to assure him that he'll be okay. "I love you so much, Mark. So you can't die because we're going to get married." She scrambled for words to say and remembered the silver fabric marker in her lab coat pocket. "Right now. We're going to get married, right now." Digging in her scrub pant pocket, she took out the Milky Way scrub cap.

"Seriously?"

"Alex, call 911 or something. Tell them that we're here," she ordered and he nodded as Mark kept speaking gibberish. His vitals were plummeting. "Okay, okay. Vows?"

"Wait a minute," Mark rasped and she looked at him. "You're serious?" Kissing him again on the lips, she pressed their foreheads together before pulling back. The feel of his lips was so familiar she nearly sobbed into his mouth.

"Yeah." She flipped her scrub cap inside out and popped off the cap of her marker. "Mark, are you in this?" He squeezed her hand weakly and she took it as a yes. "Okay, okay. Look, it's my lucky charm."

"Like you're mine," he recalled his words and she smiled slightly. That was Christmas - what seemed like so long ago.

"Okay, we're gonna be okay," she repeated to herself, trying to calm her rapidly beating heart and weak lungs. "First?"

"We love each other. Even if it doesn't - d-d-doesn't seem like it - we do." Writing it down, she looked at him again. "I can't lose you. I won't survive losing you."

"I - I know. I love you," she whispered. "We talk about it. We trust each other - at work and at home. But church and state. We need a limit, so I'm calling church and state." Their fingers intertwined and he nodded although it was hard to tell - he was shaking so much that everything seemed like he was nodding. "To never give up?"

"Never give up," he agreed and he raised his head to look up at her. A groan escaped his lips and he flopped back on the pillow. "I sw-swear, we-we're getting ma-married as soon as we g-get out of here."

"Okay," she agreed. "Whatever you want. I can't live without my best friend." His eyes rolled to peer at the silver writing and he managed the faintest of smiles.

"C-can we-"

"-we can always add more," she murmured, showing him how much space there was still on the inside of her scrub cap. "Mark, I love you."

"You may now kiss the bride," Alex muttered and she shot him a half-glare but leaned down as their lips met quietly. Her hand cupped his jaw, the other still holding onto his. "This is so post-it."

"We're in the middle of a shooting. Do you think we care?" Emily snapped.

Sorry, sorry." Alex held up his free hand whilst on the phone. She glared at him for a moment longer before unwrapping the stethoscope from her neck. Her eyes travelled to the I.V. and she scowled. Running low.

"Okay, happy times are over. His vitals are tanking and any minute now, he's going to pass out." She listened to the man's heart as a loud bang echoed throughout the hospital. Starting, she pulled off her stethoscope and looked out the door. With practiced motions, Emily tied the scrub cap around her head and Mark smiled at the sight before his eyes closed and his grip on her hand relaxed, unaware of the gunshot.

"Fuck," Alex swore, eyes darting around. "Who'd you think that was?"

"Lexie?" Emily's eyes widened and she ran to the door, peering out the window. She could see the younger Grey running towards them with a cart and opened the door. "Was that you? Are you alright?"

"Is he okay?"

"He's unconscious and his vitals are tanking." Alex grabbed the pillows to make Mark somehow more comfortable. "We needa hang another unit of packed cells."

"This is my fault." Lexie took the unit and hung it on the hat stand they were using instead of an I.V. pole. They had a few more bags and Lexie eyed them nervously. "I unplugged his wife - this is all my fault."

"Lexie, this isn't your fault. It's - it's God's fault. But Mark's gonna be fine. Mark will be fine - we'll be fine, everyone will be fine. Just hug me and close your eyes. Just hold onto me," she whispered and Lexie went into her arms. Emily perched on the edge of the table, dried blood caking off her hands as she held the younger woman against her. "There's nothing we can do for Mark but you can hold on to me and I can talk and Alex can wrap up Mark in a blanket because he's getting cold."

Alex nodded, unfolding the blanket from the stack on the cart and layering it on.

"Lex, you're so incredibly brave. You're amazing and brave and just hold on, okay? Just imagine Taylor waiting for you at home, okay?" Emily whispered into her hair. Lexie cried into her shirt, breath hiccuping.

"Em? Was she shot? Em!" Mark tried to get up from the table, groaning in pain and Emily tore her gaze away from where they had stared outside the blinds, on the dead nurse just a few meters away.

"Alex." He took Lexie away and wrapped her in a hug as Emily went to her husband's side and held his hand. "Hey, I'm right here, okay? And we just got married, and after this - we're going to the minister. And we have to get everything sorted out, all those legal papers."

"I shoulda told you I loved you." His murky eyes met hers lazily and she tried to smile reassuringly. "I love you. I think I'm gonna die and I love you."

"You're not going to die." Hand cradling his face as his hand brushed against the scrub cap on her head, she leaned down and fit her mouth to his, tasting the blood from where he had bit his cheek, hard. "We're married."

"That's good. That's… good."

The only sound in the room was just their breathing and her heartbeat in her ears. Then, the door clicked and they all spun around to see a SWAT member.

"This floor's clear. We're going to evacuate you now." Nodding, Emily asked for a stretcher and for them to take Lexie out first. The woman was crying silently, too numb to say anything more as Emily turned to Mark, gently waking him up. New members came by, a gurney pulled behind them and they transferred Mark onto the bed. Emily unhooked the I.V.s and carried them out the hospital where he was loaded into the hospital.

Emily's hands trembled uncontrollably as the paramedics helped her in. This situation was all too familiar and as they drove to Seattle Presbyterian, all she could do was keep her eyes on the monitor and her hand above his heart.

.

They took him up to surgery.

So she was waiting.

Except she couldn't stand being the wife in the waiting room. She hated it. She needed to do something, to drive, to get away. So she got up.

"Em, you shouldn't leave," Alex began and she looked distantly at him. Her eyes were blank and her scrubs were stained with a dark, dark red that coatede her hands and her face where Mark cupped her cheek. "You should clean up."

"Meredith. I need to see Meredith, and Cristina." Walking past Alex, she went for the hospital entrance, her shoes leaving footprints behind her. Alex ran after her, putting himself between her and the door. Unlike his friend, the man had changed into new scrubs courtesy of "Alex! I can't be the wife in the waiting room. I've been her for two hours and I can't. I need to see if they're okay."

Alex paused and took her hand. He had driven Lexie back to the house where Taylor was so he was the one with the car.

'You can't drive, but I can," he said as they got in and buckled their seatbelts. With that, they sped back towards Seattle Grace Mercy West over speed limits. Jumping out of the car, she ran through the crowd. The police were walking in and she approached the chief.

"Can we go in? We - uhm, we work here," she said and the police chief looked down at her scrubs before back to her blank eyes. "Is he dead?"

"Yeah. Take a few of my guys with you," he said and she nodded. Alex held her hand as they walked through the empty hospital. There were paramedics loading dead bodies onto gurneys to be transported to a morgue. She needed to get away from all of this. Taking a turn when no one was looking, she walked down an empty hallway and into a stairwell.

As Emily walked down the stairs, she heard the door below her open and paused, running back up the stairs. Hiding by the rails, she swallowed as the steps became unsteady.

 _He's dead, he's dead, he's dead._ She could keep telling herself but she knew that she'd never believe it. The figure appeared and she raised her head.

"Jackson?"

The man spun around and she stood, raising her hands.

"Who's there?"

"It's me. It's Em." He raised his eyes to meet hers and she felt pure relief flood her system as she ran down the steps. He was still in a surgical gown but she flew into his arms anyway. As soon as they made contact, he squeezed the hell out of her, face burying in her neck. "Jackson, oh, my God. Are you okay?" His green eyes are wide and frantic as she cupped his face.

"He held a gun to Cristina's head. He held a gun to both of our heads. I - I don't-" He kept stammering and she merely hugged his neck. "Meredith had a miscarriage and Cristina had a gun to her head. Hunt was shot, I… unhooked the leads. I unhooked the leads so he would leave."

"Jackson-"

"I was so calm in there. I… I don't know how I stayed calm in there. He had a gun to our heads."

"You're okay," she breathed and he hugged her tightly. Her fingers curled against his neck as she sniffed, crying. "You're all okay, right?"

"Yeah. They're… they're coming up. I just needed to get out of there. I operated on Derek Shepherd with Cristina Yang with a gun to her head. And there was a gun to my head."

"Okay." Balancing on her toes, she pulled his head back and wiped away his tears. "Can you take me to them or do you want to get out of here?" His eyes drifted down and he took in all the blood in her scrubs.

"Did you get shot? Don't tell me you got shot, please," he whispered and she shook her head. Tears spilled over her hands as he crumpled to the floor.

"I'm okay. Mark got shot, but he's okay." Huddling on the floor, she held him to her as he cried into her shoulder. "Come on. You have to get out of here." Getting up unsteadily, she pulled him up and he nodded, sniffing. "I'm going to go find Meredith and Cristina, and you'll be okay, okay?" she whispered. He nodded against her hands and she pressed their foreheads together momentarily.

"Don't get shot," he whispered and she promised. Helping him up the stairs, she signalled an officer to get him out before continuing down the stairs. Down in the O.R., Cristina, Meredith, and April were all scrubbing out. As she came in, all three jumped.

"You're all okay," she whispered faintly. April lunged into her body and she wrapped the woman in a hug before looking at Cristina who slinked into her arms. Holding them both to her, Emily met eyes with Meredith before looking down between her legs where blood stained her scrubs. "You guys should go upstairs. There are police officers and they'll take you out of the hospital."

"April, let's go get Owen and Derek," Cristina said with a last look at Meredith. The two best friends shared an unspoken conversation before leaving Emily alone with her.

"I had a miscarriage in Boston," she said and Meredith nodded. "If you want me to come with you, I'm more than happy to."

"No, it's okay, I just - make sure you don't tell Derek." Frowning, Emily crossed her arms.

"I know for a fact that that is not healthy," she said and Meredith sighed. "Look, okay, it's your choice but you have to tell him."

"I know. You look like hell," Meredith said with a raking gaze up and down. "You didn't get shot."

"Mark did."

"We seem to be having a lot of shared life experiences," the blonde said and Emily scoffed. "Is he okay?"

"Yeah. Altman's operating on him now." Emily sighed, wiping at her red-rimmed eyes. "It's good to see you alive, Mer." The blonde laughed shakily and the brunette opened her arms. "Just come here."

And the two hugged.

.

"He did great in there," Teddy began and Emily stood. She had change dinto a pair of clean scrubs courtesy of Seattle Pres. Alex looked up as the blonde continued, "He's stable. I've taken out the bullet and he should be able to make a full recovery." Taking in a shuddering breath, Emily nodded.

"Okay. Can I… Can I see him?"

"Of course." The brunette followed the cardio surgeon alone. "He's just waking up."

"Thank you, Teddy." Entering, she smiled and wiped away tears when she saw him open his eyes.

"Hey," he rasped around the tube in his mouth and she came to his bedside. The surgeon's eyes flickered up to hers and reached a hand towards him. He winced and she took his hand.

"Hey yourself," she whispered and untied the scrub cap from her head. "It really happened," she added and he smiled when he saw the silver ink describing their marriage vows. "We're married." He grinned as she leaned over the rail and kissed him on the cheek.

"Come here," he mumbled around the tube and he shifted slowly over the bed so there was just enough room for her. Kicking off her shoes, she climbed and snuggled into him, inhaling his scent. "Mmm, nice to feel your body against mine again. Does things to a man."

"Don't ruin the moment," she scolded and he chuckled. Raising her head, she kissed him again, on the jaw. His hand cupped her cheek as their eyes closed and they fully indulged in each other's presence. A nurse came in to remove the tube and he opened his mouth, eager to get it out. Giggling under her breath, she waited patiently until it was out.

When it was finally out and he angled his head to look at her, she planted her hands on his cheeks and pulled him towards her. The kiss was like a quiet dance, one someone hadn't done in a long time but remembered it in their bones. She leaned away to take in his face but he pulled her back towards him and their mouths met again until her head became dizzy and light.

"Hey, get my scrub cap from my pants over there." He nodded to where there was a bag of his dirty clothes. Scrunching up her nose, she climbed off the bed and rummaged around for it. Finding it in his pocket but not soaked with blood - untouched, actually - she grabbed the silver marker. "Hand me yours." When she did, he signed it in the upper half of the scrub cap, large compared to the vows she had written. Getting the idea, she signed her name below his. Then, they could fill in the remaining space with whatever they wanted but what really was the centerpiece was their names together.

Writing down exactly what she wrote on hers on the inside of his scrub cap, this time signing her name on top before handing it to him. "We can't let you have all the power, can we?" she teased and he shook his head in amusement, his signature below her name. " _Now,_ we're married."

"Good. Because I've been waiting a whole year for this," he whispered and she sighed against him.

"Me, too."

 **A/N: Edited - October 28, 2018**

 **The first write of this was lacking Emily and the gang. I just wanted more friendship scenes.**

 **Next: The life after.**


	51. Change

_The change isn't visible at least not in most of us._

 _-Meredith Grey_

* * *

"I'm fine." She fiddled with the ring Mark had given her. It was a silver band, shallow grooves decorating it elegantly with a cluster of diamonds around a sapphire, each bigger than the last.

"You saw your fiancé get shot."

"Husband."

"What?"

"We got married, uh, symbolically. He - he gave this to me as soon as he was discharged." She showed him the ring and Andrew Perkins just levelled her with a stare. "And he wants the official papers - we're supposed to sign them today even though today is Cristina and Owen's day. But I want to - I love him and we've wasted a lot of time."

"Is your brother - does he know?"

"Noah? You know him?"

"I know him as well as I know Taylor, which is very well."

"Yes, he knows. He was the first one I told. Anyway, I'm fine - that's the point right? To prove that I'm fine?" She glanced at her phone but it was still silent. "This isn't my first therapy session - I just thought you should know." He nodded.

"I know. The building collapse," he said it quickly, nonchalantly, and she was grateful for it. "Says so in your file."

"But maybe today's a little silver lining." She looked out the window and heard the gunshot in her ears. _Pale face, murky eyes, dark blood._ "There are two unions happening today. Is it wrong?" She looked at Andrew Perkins straight into his eyes and he raised an eyebrow for her to proceed. "That I'm worried? More worried than when Mark got shot?"

"Are you?"

"What?"

"Or is it some stress from the shooting still?"

"No - what is there to be stressed about? We're okay now." Her voice betrayed her words. "I have to believe that we're okay now." She thought about Lexie, a gun aimed at her head and swallowed painfully. "We're fine."

.

Emily walked down the hall and into the main lobby where the staff were gathering. Hands shoved in her lab coat pockets, she pushed open the door with her shoulder and immediately saw Jackson and Lexie. Taking off her ring and sliding it into her pocket, she came around to see them. Dark bags rested under both of their eyes as she pulled Lexie into a tight hug.

"Hey." She smiled and Lexie grinned back although it didn't quite reach her eyes. Jackson offered a small smile and she embraced him too.

"How are you?"

"As well as can be," she answered and Jackson nodded. Across the room, she saw Mark who grinned at her. Shaking her head, she ignored him playfully and engaged in a conversation with her friends when Derek came in. Clapping for him loudly, they cheered as he made his way up the steps. And he made his speech.

And Derek quit.

He quit as Chief.

"Did he just quit or did I just hallucinate?" Emily asked and Jackson let out a short, disbelieving laugh. "He really quit."

"Yeah." Lexie's eyes widened. "Can he do that? Can he just quit?"

"Well, he just did."

"And we're not questioning his judgement because he totally didn't just come back after recovering from open heart surgery," Jackson added not-so-helpfully.

"No, because he was Chief and the Chief can quit whenever he wants." Taylor came up behind them and they all jumped. The blond looked away guiltily when Lexie's wide eyes landed on her boyfriend. Emily's own heart was racing and she inhaled sharply as Jackson looked ready to strangle the attending.

"You don't just sneak up on people, Taylor," Lexie began and he made placating gestures to no avail. "You don't do that, ever."

"Lex, I know - I'm sorry-" he tried to apologize but she was already stalking away. "Lex-" he tried to go after her but Emily held him back. Jackson did instead, running up to catch up to the brunette. "Emily, I didn't mean to scare you. I - she's been - God, I'm such an idiot."

"You can't blame yourself. She went through something and you weren't there and that wasn't your fault. You couldn't have known that a mass murder would happen in a hospital." Her tone softened and Taylor rubbed the bridge of his nose in frustration. "She helped save my husband. She - I owe her more than I can ever say because she helped save my _husband_. So, just give her time." _The echo of a shot, the clatter of the casing on the floor._ "Be there for her, that's all she's asking of you."

"I know. I just want to help her," he murmured helplessly as his pager blared. "The pit. I'll see you later, Em."

"Bye, Taylor." When she was finally alone, she saw Mark staring at her while Callie talked to him. Approaching him, she took out the ring and pinched it between her thumb and index finger.

"Stop teasing me," he complained and she chuckled, pecking him on the lips chastely. Callie rolled her eyes as Mark took out something from his pocket. It was her infinity necklace. Her breath hitched when she saw the silver chain, the intertwined rings still shining in the light.

They were forever again. Just like that. A day was all it took, a snap of fingers, a blink, and they were together. Because their problems weren't problems anymore, and for that she was grateful.

Stepping closer, she watched his face steadily as he took her ring and slid it onto the chain before clasping it at the back of her neck for her. "There, with you even in surgery."

"And you don't need to do that which is totally unfair," she quipped, eyeing the silver band around his finger with the same shallow grooves but lack of jewels, and Callie laughed. Glancing at the Latina playfully, she sighed. "Shut up, Callie."

"Whatever. I don't know what they're thinking, putting you on Mark's service after what happened." When Callie's words came slower, the smiles shrunk and there was a silence. "You know, it's weird. I don't see anyone missing but I know—" the woman looked at the masses— "I know they're gone."

"Yeah," Emily reached out to squeeze Callie's hand and the tanned woman smiled at the effort.

"Anyway," she tried to add enthusiastically but it came out forced, "I wanna see Derek's chordoma. You in?"

"Yeah."

.

After looking at the scans, Callie, Mark, and Emily gathered together and began assembling a plan. Once they'd made up a basic foundation and agreed to meet up after their surgeries (except Emily who still hadn't been cleared for surgery), Emily and Mark made their way down to the O.R. floor to check the board. They had some free time and a lot of it to catch up on so as they walked hand-in-hand, the two of them tried to keep their hearts steady in a place they almost died in weeks ago. Down there, they saw Lexie looking at the O.R. board.

"Hey, Lex?"

"Mhmm?" The brunette looked away from the board and smiled at the two. "What's up?"

"Why are you here?"

"Oh, I was cleared for surgery. I'm with Dr. Webber on a gastro-"

"You were _what?"_ Mark snapped and Emily grabbed Lexie by the arm and dragged her towards the elevator. "Is Andrew Perkins _crazy?_ "

"Well," Lexie began as Emily jammed her thumb into the _up_ button, anger etched onto her face. "I'm fine, now. Really. Besides, you're cleared and you got shot." She was met with two icy glares and closed her mouth. It was as if they were two disapproving parents who were about to scold their child's friend's mother. They were on the hunt.

"I had to check you into psych last week. I had to commit you against your will! And he just cleared you for surgery? What the hell kind of doctor is he?" Emily ranted and Mark nodded along to his wife's words.

"You tell him."

* * *

 _There was a small kitchen fire - a middle-aged couple who had forgotten about their stove. The man came in first, a small head lac from hitting his head when he slipped on the water he dumped on the fire while the lady had small burns on her forearm when she tried to dump it into the sink and it sloshed too far. Mark was stitching up the husband while she worked on the wife._

 _She went to go get her patient's labs. Getting them quickly, she remarked the noticeable emptiness of the hallways. So many had left after the shooting - on vacation, quit - that it made such a difference. Shaking her head, she took a deep breath. She was okay - Mark was okay. It was his first day back and it was supposed to be an easy day. Getting into the elevator, she read over her labs. The elevator doors opened and she walked towards the E.R._

 _"I-if I give her albuterol and she's on propranolol, then she'll stop breathing. If - If I give her warfarin and she's on ibuprofen, then she'll - she'll bleed out. I give her diphenhydramine and she's on doxepin, then she'll die. So do - do - do you think she wants to die?" The old man murmured something to Mark and Emily walked between the two trauma rooms just to see Lexie glaring at her patient._

 _"Karev, what's going on over there?" Mark asked, concerned and annoyed all at once "Lex-"_

 _"I think that she wants to die. I think she wants me to kill her." Emily walked up to the brunette as she turned to her patient. "Do - do you - do you - do you want me to kill you? Because you - you could just get a gun—" The word cause everyone to become silent— "and it would be a lot faster."_

 _"Karev, get her outta here," Mark persisted as Lexie crashed into a metal tray, the tools clattering to the floor._

 _"You know what? So why doesn't somebody find a gun... " Lexie's voice rose to a scream as she pushed it away from her, eyes wide. Emily looked around for somewhere to put her labs and spotted a nurse. Shoving the labs into the woman's arms, she tried to talk to the overworked brunette but she just continued, "And we'll bring her a gun and just shoot her…"_

 _"Karev, help her."_

 _Lexie swung her arm in front of her, knocking boxes of supplies off a tray beside her patient and crouching down as if she were looking for a gun - and in her mind, she was. "I can't step away. Get her out of here!"_

 _"'Cause she obviously wants to die!" Emily ran over and pulled the younger Grey away from where she was yanking open drawers._

 _"Help! Somebody find her a gun 'cause she wants to die! Somebody find something!" The brunette wrapped her arms around the smaller woman, pulling her away as Lexie struggled against her arms. Scratching at her confines, Lexie's nails scored red marks along her arms and Emily gritted her teeth, continuing to pull her away._

 _"Alex?" Emily glanced over her shoulder to see him walking away. "Alex!"_

 _"Somebody find a gun!" Lexie screamed and the hazel-eyed woman managed to reach the elevators, pressing the button half-blind._

 _"Lexie, Lexie! Hey!" Emily held onto the struggling woman until all the fight left her. Lexie was calmer now, still grappling weakly but Emily held on._

 _"It's okay," she whispered into her hair, "it's okay, it's okay. It's just me." By now, Lexie had turned around and her arms wrapped around Emily as the older woman reached down into her pocket to take out her phone. Shooting a quick text to both Taylor and Meredith, she walked into the opened elevator doors and pressed the floor for psych. She could feel Lexie shivering against her, crying, and a part of her wilted when she heard the soft, muffled sobs. Emily just kept repeating that it was okay but every time she said it, it sounded more as if she were saying it to herself._

* * *

"This is completely unfair. Why do you get cleared and I don't?" Emily grumbled and Jackson snickered.

"Honestly, he just likes my pretty face."

"You are no longer invited to my house for spaghetti," she declared and Jackson pouted. "Mark is removing one of the largest chordomas in history and I can't scrub in. You know how _infuriating_ it is?" Emily sighed as they walked past x-ray and up to the O.R. They were five minutes early for surgery and many residents were already inside. Standing near the top stair of the gallery, they watched as Derek, Callie and Mark began the surgery. She looked at the TV for a closer look. Mark looked up into the gallery and so did Callie. Giving them the thumbs up, she forced a smile as they began to divide the palate. "I can't believe I'm not down there."

"Amen," Meredith murmured as they wiggled the palate apart. Derek scrubbed in and began to dissect the chordoma. Taking a few steps down, the two of them sat down in the front row. As the surgery continued, the two friends heard a commotion down the row and turned to see Meredith pull Cristina out of the gallery.

"What was that about?" Jackson murmured in her ear and she looked at him.

"I wish I knew."

* * *

 _Emily pulled her luggage behind her as they entered Mark's apartment again. Pushing him in with the wheelchair, she set down his bags with a huff. "You okay?"_

 _"Yeah, fine." Her husband rolled himself towards the couch and transferred himself to the it. Plopping down, he let out a groan as Emily sat down beside him after locking the door. Leaning into him, she hugged him. His arm wrapped around her shoulders and rubbed her arm, generating enough warmth for her to realize that he was closer to her than he had been in months._

 _"There was a shooting," she murmured, pulling her knees to her chest and he nodded, kissing her temple. "And you got shot." Tears traced her cheeks and she pressed her face into his neck. "You got shot and I had to listen to you cry and scream. I had to cut into you. I'm sorry." He brushed his lips against her forehead. He could recall the pain acutely, her digging the scalpel into him, but what kind of person would tell her that?_

 _"Hey, it's okay. You saved my life. You saved me and I love you, alright? We're married." He grinned when she chuckled shakily. "And you need a ring. I got you one in the drawer beside my side of the bed."_

 _"You got me a ring?" she repeated and he nodded. Raising her head, she planted her hands on his cheeks. "Mark, I am exhausted and delusional because I'm still in shock but did I hear what I thought you said? You got me… a ring. Like, a thing you wear on your finger to signify a marriage kind of ring?" Her eyes widened and he chuckled, tucking a lock behind her hair._

 _"Ever since Karev's wedding." Before all the crap. "I've wanted to marry you forever. So, will you go into my bedside drawer and get the damn ring so I can put it on your finger?" Kissing him deeply, she smiled into his mouth. "I love you."_

 _"I love you, too."_

 _._

 _That night, they went to bed after a dinner she had cooked. Having to do everything by herself since she was the one not on bedrest. Mac and cheese was the easiest she could make in a short period of time._

 _Then, she helped him change into comfortable clothes - sweats - before showering and changing into her own sweats. Slipping between the sheets, she rested her head on his chest as he let out a yawn. They fell asleep easily enough but she only woke when she nearly fell off the bed. Eyes sprung open and she caught herself. Sweat coated her brow as any nightmare she had dissipated in place of hearing tortured screams. Sitting up, she turned to her side and saw that it was Mark._

 _He was tense, swinging at something invisible in front of him as tears slid down his face. "Don't shoot!" he seemed to mumble and she crawled to his side. Cupping her face in his hands, she saw that his eyes were wide open, unseeing._

 _"Mark, Mark!" she whispered urgently, ignoring the way he clawed at her arms. He quietened under her voice and she hugged him tightly, careful not to disturb his stitches. "Shh, I'm here. I'm here." His hands flattened against her arms and just wrapped around her arms as they focused on her. The brunette buried her face in his neck as, slowly, his arms wrapped around her waist._

 _"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he gasped and she shushed him. "I'm sorry."_

 _"I'm here, Mark. Okay? I'm here." Her hazel eyes locked with his blue ones. "I'm here." His breath hitched and he let out a relieved laugh, tears trailing down his face._

 _"He was going to shoot you. I couldn't let you die-"_

 _"It's okay," she murmured and he looked into her eyes for some comfort. There was none she could give for her new husband. "We aren't okay. I know, I know. Just… try and sleep." Her fingers combed his hair as he nodded nervously. "I'm here."_

* * *

They went to city hall, signed the papers and finished. It was done in just about ten minutes and they walked out legally married. No muss, no fuss. Then they drove to Cristina and Owen's wedding.

"Don't even convince me to call myself Dr. Sloan," she warned as they drove to Meredith's house.

"Of course, Mrs. Sloan." Rolling her eyes, she held onto his hand as he drove with the other.

"I cannot believe you convinced me to hyphenate."

"I'm not surprised. You love me too much," he said and she shot him a look as if to say ' _Don't test me.'_ "Thank you, for marrying me."

"You're so very welcome, Mr. Sloan." They stopped at a red light and she leaned over to kiss him. "I adore you."

"I know." In a language they couldn't explain, they knew it meant more than 'I love you'.

.

Mark and Emily sighed in unison as they sat on the couch. After a surgery-filled (or not-surgery-filled, in Emily's case but instead clinic-filled) day, they were relaxing. Despite the late hour, neither of them wanted to sleep. Mark's nightmares had them up the night before and her paranoia the night before that.

Curling up against him, she watched the jaguar nudge her cub on National Geographic. Mark set down the remote as they watched the feline make sure her cub was well hidden before walking away.

"We should eat dinner," Mark whispered, cheek brushing against hers. Sighing, she pecked the side of his nose. "What do we have?"

"Freezer lasagna." He wrinkled his nose and she laughed. "I can go grab something down the street."

"Nah, it's fine."

"No, really, Mark. You need to eat." Getting up, she felt the cold air touch her skin as she walked to grab a hoodie and sweats. She pulled them on over her pajamas, stuffing her feet into socks before walking back to the couch. "What do you want?"

"Whatever's good. I don't want you gone for too long," he said and she sat down, elbow against the back of the couch and cheek against a fist. Staring at him, she inhaled softly. What a beautiful man.

"There's no gunman," she murmured and he turned to her. He was growing out his beard again, something she appreciated more than she could say. Leaning over, she pressed a soft kiss to his upper lip but he pulled her into a longer one, hand coming to her cheek. Her hand cradled his jaw, breath shuddering against him. "There is no gunman."

"We can keep telling ourselves that forever," he said, "doesn't make it seem more real that he's dead." She was silent, staring at him. "You've gotta go." Just as they parted, there was a frantic banging. Springing together, the two ducked behind the couch. With their hearts in their ears, Emily held Mark to her frantically. Their breaths came quick as Mark's fingers dug through her hoodie.

"Emily! Em? Are you in here?" Releasing a sigh, Emily sat up and pushed herself off the floor. "Emily, please," the man on the other side pleaded, sounding close to tears. "April told me I woke her up, and I don't want to keep the others awake four nights in a row. I just - I don't want to sleep at the hospital." The brunette glanced at Mark who still held her wrist.

"It's Jackson. Jackson needs me."

"Em-"

"Jackson will come with me to get dinner. I promise, he'll be with me the whole time." Mark nodded with a swallow and then did she realize his fear. He didn't want to be home alone for such an unknown amount of time. "I promise, I will be back. I always come back." With that, he let go and she went to the door.

Opening it, she sidestepped when Jackson stumbled in face first. He must've been leaning against it. Catching himself, Jackson turned around. The eyebags under his eyes were intense and she had the good sense to stabilize him.

"Jackson, I have a game plan, and you will follow it." He nodded dazedly and she took his hand. Grabbing her purse, she dragged Jackson out of the apartment, locking it behind her. "We'll have dinner, then you and Mark will sleep, and I won't be walking around the apartment like some ghost, and we will be _fine_ for one night. That's what we need. Just one night."

Jackson nodded, in some spell as they went to the streets. Emily had her eyes to the stars as she ignored the burning in her eyes.

She needed just one night where everything would be fine.

* * *

 _"Dr. Moore." Starting, Emily closed the binder hastily and looked up. "Uh, sorry, but Derek knows you need a lab coat and he put me in charge of that while he's recovering. Interim Chief and all of that."_

 _"Yeah, of course, Dr. Webber. Uhm, why do you have to come to me about it?" The Chief glanced around before leaning against the counter._

 _"Well, Sloan told me you two got married?" Oh. Emily tried to make her mouth work as she thought of the man still recovering from the surgery back home. "And, I just wanted to ask if you two officiated it, or-"_

 _"No, uh, we didn't. We're waiting until he gets better but I mean, yeah, we're married and I, uh, what is the question?" Webber smiled and Emily tried to match it._

 _"I wanted to know what you wanted stitched on your lab coat." Nodding, Emily tapped her pen against the counter._

 _"Dr. Moore is fine, Chief." Opening her binder again, she was about to continue writing when she sensed that he was still there. "Something wrong, Chief?"_

 _"Congratulations, Dr. Moore."_

 _"Thank you, Dr. Webber."_

* * *

"Taylor," Emily began as she spotted the trauma attending. The man was fiddling with his phone as he signed off charts. "How're you?" She was just going to Perkins for her session.

"Fine. You came in with Avery this morning, right?"

"Uh, yeah, he crashed at my place. Why?" The blond shrugged.

"Altman swapped you and him today, so you're on my service." She nodded and was about to continue on her way when Taylor called after her, "Is… Is Lexie alright?"

"Shouldn't you know?" she snorted amusedly but the man's face dropped. "Taylor, is everything alright?"

"Yeah, fine. Have you seen Lex anywhere?" he asked and she ran a hand through her hair. "I've been looking for her for a while."

"Yeah, she's in the resident's lounge," she informed and he smiled gratefully, heading in that direction. Of course, later she'd hear about how Taylor was keeping her from surgeries and babying her from the woman herself. It's not like it was unwarranted - the brunette herself was worried about Lexie constantly. But after the psych ward, she seemed better although a bit of dark humor here and there.

Heading towards the conference room, she saw the trauma therapist sitting at the head of the table, reading a file. Rapping her knuckles on the door, she entered and he smiled. "Dr. Moore, welcome. Have a seat."

"Thank you," she closed the door behind her, hearing its soft click as she settled in a chair diagonal to him.

"How was your day?"

"Good." She held a pen deftly between her fingers, dragging the tip of it along the glossy table surface. "My husband got shot."

"Yes, he did." Perkins sensed that she was about to say more as she looked up at him.

"If you were a surgeon, would you operate on the person you loved? Life or death, _gun_ to your head. I mean, you have this pressure of saving someone, plus they mean something to you." She tapped the pen against the table. "I did - I had to or else Mark could've died. He could've developed a pneumothorax and bled out. You know, I just found him again and we can barely be alone. Yesterday, had to leave him alone to buy dinner. I came back and he was locked in our room. Which is understandable, because I do the same."

"What exactly are you scared of?"

"The shooter, isn't it obvious? Our heads still think he's alive, roaming this hospital like a ghost." Her eyes closed as she ducked her head, remembering that day in aching clarity. Then her mind flashed back to Boston, months ago when the world fell around her.

"What else?"

"Nothing. It's just that."

"Are you always this dismissive of your own problems?" His eyes pinned her down when she looked back up again and she looked away. "Dr. Moore-"

"Bad things keep happening and I've learned very quickly what to do," she said and he made a 'huh' sound. "A lot of shitty things have happened this year. Most of us - if not, everyone - has PTSD from that day." She watched as he fiddled with the yellow slip. "I'm terrified of losing him. _Utterly terrified_." He clicked the pen. "I turn around for a second and I'm scared that the second I take my eyes off of him, he'll be dead. That I'll find him lying somewhere in this hospital, bleeding out because I couldn't get there in time. Because if I'm not there, I feel like that's on me."

"Dr. Moore-"

"I can't help it, Dr. Perkins. It's how I think and the shooting happened and we will _never_ have enough time. I just wish there was a way for me not to care so much."

"It's a hard lesson for a doctor to learn," he said as he signed her sheet. "But I want you to learn it well before I do. You're cleared for surgery, Dr. Moore." Taking the slip, she thanked him. "I hope I don't have to hear your name again from your brother. Unless it's in a good way," he added and she grinned.

"Thank you, Dr. Perkins."

.

"I just watched someone confess their love to my patient. It was the most terrible, corny thing." Emily arched an eyebrow as Mark came up to her, kissing the spot near her ear. He wrapped her in a hug from behind and she melted against him.

"You told me you loved me when I was switching O.R.s during a kidney transplant. Nothing can beat that," she drawled and he sighed.

"And then two other musketeers came in with the first one."

"Absolutely terrible," she continued and he pouted. "Sorry, it's my first day back on surgery. I need my hands in a body."

"If I didn't know you, that'd be absolutely mortifying to hear," he whispered and pressed a kiss against her mouth when she craned her neck to look at him. They stood there, him hugging her for as long as they could until their pagers pulled them away from each other.

.

Mark looked up, fiddling with his pen as Little Grey smiled, hands stuffed in her pockets. "Dr. Sloan, Dr. Bailey needs a consult in room 11-35."

"I'll be right over." His eyes followed after the small brunette and he couldn't help but feel a surge of overprotectiveness for her as he saw his wife approach the woman.

"Did you get the consult?"

"Yeah, he said he was coming." Emily had an easy smile on her face at that and the two surgeons walked away, Mark's gaze resting on his wife. Glancing back, their eyes met and her eyes crinkled at the edges before walking away with Lexie.

"Look away," Callie sang as she tapped on the keyboard.

"What?"

"Stop staring at her." She was stopped by a nurse with labs and read them over before thanking the nurse and continuing on. Lexie was waiting for her and the two linked arms, heading off. Emily's hair was in tight braids, a miracle considering her unruly hair. But, they both had a lot of time on their hands in the mornings they couldn't sleep.

"I can't." Callie closed a chart, clearing her throat and grabbing his face to force him to look away.

"She just married you and it is not the time for you to make babies because there was a shooting and you got shot. I'm sure you'll make very pretty babies, but you need to look away." When Mark didn't reply, Callie added, "You know when you scrub in with her today, you're gonna have to keep your eyes on the patient."

"Are you sure?" Callie arched an eyebrow and Mark sighed. "I'll try to look away."

.

"Junior prom, Sarah Richardson and Penny Caraway, together." Alex whistled at Jackson's smirk. "I knew exactly what I was doing."

"I'm going to end myself," Emily mumbled under her breath and Jackson shot her a look. "What? I do not need to see you like that."

"You've already seen it."

"Jackson, I hate you." Emily pushed off the counter with a disgusted scoff and leaned in beside Meredith instead. At their expected looks, she sighed. "Fine. Eighteen." Jackson sighed exaggeratedly and she glared daggers at him. "Second boyfriend. Ashton Delacroix."

"Foreign? Ooh," Meredith hummed and Emily smiled despite her mood.

"A beautiful boy. Broke up the next year. Had to move back to France." Emily sighed longingly just as a new pair of footsteps alerted them all of a new presence. Meredith nudged her and the brunette looked up to see Mark there. His dark eye circles weren't as prominent but still, he looked exhausted. Meredith's lips twisted into a frown as Cristina and Alex both stood up straight.

Walking over to him, Emily cupped his face before traversing down to his neck and holding his neck. His forehead against hers, he closed his eyes.

"What is it?" Her words fanned over his cheek as he took deep breaths, hands curling around her wrists.

"I needa sleep before the surgery. Can't sleep well without you." Making a wordless noise, she hugged him before waving to her friends. They all had a sympathetic expression etched onto their faces. Mark wrapped an arm around her shoulders and her arm slithered around his waist as she helped him to the nearest on-call room. Behind her, she could hear Cristina start up the conversation again and she was grateful they didn't make a big deal out of it. As her hand rubbed up and down his side, she felt the scar where the bullet entered his chest.

"We can both catch up on some sleep," Emily finally said as he opened the door. Kicking off her shoes and diving into bed, her eyes were already closed as she snuggled against the pillows. He climbed on after her, holding her body close as her fingers flicked the light switch off and they were plunged into darkness. In their hurry to get onto the bed, they didn't see Amelia Shepherd watch them with wide shock on the top bunk of the other bed.

.

"I saw Mark Sloan go into bed with a woman and he _didn't_ sleep with her," Amelia said to Meredith as Meredith did her charts at the O.R. floor nurse station. "Is he in surgery right now? I really wanna ask him about it." The neurosurgeon backed up to look at the board.

"He's in on a surgery," Meredith murmured as she signed her name and closed the chart.

"So who's the woman?"

"Uh, Em." Blinking, Meredith waved her hand and corrected herself. "Emily. Dr. Moore? She's Mark's wife." Amelia's eyes widened and the blonde looked up.

"Mark's _married?_ When - what? I -" Amelia stopped herself before starting again, eyes squinting, "Was it some crack wedding in Vegas? 'Cause those don't really count." Meredith chuckled before looking at Amelia, tired eyes causing her smile to look like a hoax. Closing the binder, the blonde stood beside her husband's sister.

"They got married after the shooting."

"So, it was impulse."

"Amelia-"

"No, never in my life have I ever seen Mark hold a steady relationship." The neurosurgeon smirked. "Besides, last I heard, Mark didn't know what a girlfriend was."

"They're sickeningly sweet. Trust me, they were together even before they were _together._ " Meredith's words were punctuated by two people walking out of a scrub room down the hall, laughing their asses off. Meredith and Amelia turned to see Mark and Emily link arms and walk towards them.

"Hey, Mer." Emily smiled, letting go of Mark's arm. Turning to the neurosurgeon, she arched an eyebrow, the smile turning curious.

"Amelia, this is Emily. Emily, this is Derek's sister, Amelia."

"Another sister." They shook hands and Amelia raised her eyebrows as if to question what she said. "Oh, I met Nancy."

"Oh, you met the bitchiest one out of the all of us. You're the wife - wow, you're beautiful." Emily smiled sheepishly and turned to Mark. "You do not normally go for girls like this. Normally, they're dumber."

"Amy-"

"Congratulations, Mark. She's just too good."

"Thanks." Mark's face softened when he turned to look at his wife. "She really is."

.

"Stop bullying her," Emily murmured from where she sat in the booth with her friends. Alex snorted and took a swig from his glass. Playing with the shells of the peeled nuts that had long since been eaten, she glared at Jackson who sat across from her.

"Come on. Just admit it. You're still a virgin," Alex pressed. Flustered, April looked at her drink and Emily sighed.

"No, I'm not."

"Hey, there's no shame in it." Jackson downed the rest of his drink, assuring his friend and Emily struggled for a subject to take the spotlight off of the brunette.

"Really?"

"No, there's shame."

"Hey, I got cleared for surgery today." Her hazel eyes locked onto April's and she sighed as Alex ignored her. Resting her head on his shoulder, she just closed her eyes for a moment. "Okay. It's not like we've been friends since our intern year. No, I'm not important." April gave her a sympathetic glance.

"A lot of shame. Tell her, Mer." The blonde struggled to say something but forgot it, causing her friends to laugh. She asked about Cristina again as Lexie settled beside her sister. The brunette swirled her drink as she talked about her day and recalled how Bailey screamed like a baby at the sight of a spider.

"Well, nobody gives a crap if you're crazy. We're all crazy." Jackson peeled a net, popping it into his mouth.

"Yeah. look at April. She's still a virgin."

"Taylor does. He's been like a guard dog on my ass and he stares at me all the time like I'm some psycho. Wait, you're a virgin?" April set down her drink, finally finished.

"I'm a virgin. Yes. So what? It's not something I talk about, okay? We all have things we don't talk about. Alex, you've been afraid of the elevator for, like, a month but I never said anything because it's none of my business. And, Jackson, you wake up every night screaming because you have nightmares, and, Meredith, you don't talk about Cristina because you're afraid she's never gonna be the same Cristina again. Emily, you're _too nice_ to everyone because you're scared everyone's going to drop dead the second you don't have your eyes on them. Your dark circles are nearly swallowing your eyes and you can barely keep your eyes open. And Lexie, Taylor doesn't think your a psycho. He loves you - that's why he's been so protective because he thinks he's going to lose you. Of course, he feels like he can't say anything because of the shooting.

 _Look,_ We all have stuff we don't talk about. I am a twenty-eight year old virgin, mainly because I wanted my first time to be special and then I waited too long and partially because I'm pretty sure guys find me annoying. I'm a virgin. That doesn't make it drinks conversation. We all have stuff we don't talk about." She downed the rest of her drink as Emily split into a wide grin. Everyone was in a silence as Meredith shared the same smile that rested upon her friend's face.

"Oh, April, I'm liking you more and more."

.

"How were drinks?"

"I need to sleep." Mark frowned at the flat tone in his wife's voice. "I need to sleep, and I can't." She laid there, hands on her abdomen as she stared up at the ceiling. Mark rested on his elbow, flicking a curl off her face.

"What do you need?" Turning to him, she offered a slight smile. "Jackson? Alex? The Greys?"

"I need a wedding night," she whispered and he rolled atop of her, mouth melding against hers. His arms tucked the covers tight around their bodies as her hands wrapped around his chest. Pulling her shirt off, one of his hands shifted the pajama shorts down her waist while her hands ripped his tee off.

"That is something I can do."

 **A/N: Edited - November 3, 2018**

 **Next: Emily finds herself a new patient. Or, the part where Mark and Emily find their happiness.**


	52. Three Kids and a Cat

_Change is constant. How we experience change, that's up to us. It can feel like death, or it can feel like a second chance at life. If we open our fingers, loosen our grips, go with it, it can feel like pure adrenaline. Like at any moment we can have another chance at life. Like at any moment, we can be born all over again._

 _-Meredith Grey_

* * *

"Callie threw a pillow at my head today." Rolling her eyes, she stopped doing her charts to look at her husband.

"Isn't that sad?" She leaned over the counter to kiss him and he grinned. "I'm sorry I had to work overnight. Go, I have rounds with her today and she better not mention the headshot."

"I'll miss you."

"Don't get sappy on me," she quipped and pushed him away. Watching him go, she began stacking charts just as Arizona came up to her. "Hey, Arizona."

"Can you sleep with Mark? I mean, you guys are married and normally being married dictates lots and lots of sex." The woman's blue eyes were pleading as she began walking to the ortho wing. Arizona walked with her and Emily rolled her eyes. "He's everywhere - in my apartment, at work, in my bedroom-"

"Uhm." She glanced at the blonde, eyebrows raising. "Well, I'm too tired to babysit my husband. I'm taking over all of Callie's charts and some of Mark's charts." They reached another nurse's station and she heaved the binders onto the counter before turning to the head of peds, hand on her hip. "He still pulls the 'I got shot pushing your friend out of the way' card."

"Come on - once, twice a week."

"I am doing your girlfriend's charts so she can spend time with you!" Emily sighed at the blue-eyed woman's long face and she allowed a small smile. "I'll see. If the load is light then maybe."

"I mean, your husband is pretty to look at."

"True," she agreed as Callie and Alex came up to them so they could update a boy and their parents about the cancer. The boy had a bone cancer that'd prevent him from dancing. The dad completely botched the way to say _pas de bourrée_ and she pitched in to correct.

"Isn't that what I said?" the dad asked as his wife looked at him.

"You said it in American, Fred. It's French, right, sweetie?" Emily stifled a chuckle. Ballet was something she loved with a passion - something she had to drop once she had reached university. She used to be so good.

"Yes, and it's not something that you really kick ass at. Can we talk about the cancer now? Anything to make them stop."

"Yeah. Um, Dr. Karev?" Arizona turned to her friend who proceeded to explain the case. Jake Fisher, osteosarcoma of the right tibia at the age of fifteen. The day's surgery was a minor bone dissection. Jake asked how long the recovery time was, revealing that he was to perform in 'Swan Lake'.

"Recovery depends on today's scans," Emily explained and at Callie's nod, proceeded to explain. "They'll tell us how much the tumor has shrunk from the chemo."

"Right, so Dr. Moore will be taking you for your scans and then we'll be back after we look at the scans." Emily took the chart as the other three doctors left. The parents talked to their son for a few more moments before leaving, presumably to ask Callie about their concerns. Checking her patient's vitals, she wrote them down before smiling at him.

"Are you a dancer?" he asked suddenly and she cocked her head. "You corrected my dad, remember?"

"Well, if I were a dancer I don't think I'd be here right now," she said, bringing up the rails and beginning to move him out the room. "But yeah, I used to be a dancer - ballet just like you."

"What's your favourite variation?"

"Blue bird from Sleeping Beauty." Jake nodded. "Classic, I know."

"Do you think my tumor shrunk?" She shrugged.

"I'm not sure, Jake. But let's hope for the best." He nodded and settled into his bed uneasily. "I'll be back later. Sit tight."

.

"And that is why I think Mark needs to get out of my relationship!" Arizona exclaimed when Callie went inside to extract their patient from the C.T. machine. Alex scoffed, again not interested in being in any argument as Emily sighed. "He basically went in and booked us a table for three - not including you! I mean, if that isn't bad mannered-"

"Arizona, come on. At least get to know him. He's our best friend," Emily soothed and the blonde rested her head on her hand, pouting. "And that sushi place is fantastic. What've you got to lose?"

.

"You're wooing Altman for surgery?" Emily shook her head as they lined up in the cafeteria. "That's disgusting." Jackson smirked and she rolled her eyes. "Don't give me that look. I've had you look at me before like that, and we ended up sleeping together." He dropped the smolder as she paid for a salad.

"I need this. Look, I just need a surgery."

"I could just ask Mark to put you on his service," she pointed out and he nudged her. "It wouldn't even be a problem-"

"Do _not._ I cannot have nepotism get me surgeries."

"Oh, but you can get surgeries by being the dumb blonde. Whatever. Come find me when it bites you in the ass."

.

"Did you find it?" She looked over at Alex's work as he scrolled down a website. He looked down at the sources as she wrote down potential sites. He shook his head as the two attendings behind them exchanged ideas. "What about that one?" The brunette pointed over his shoulder and he clicked on it. The two of them read through it quickly, examining the pictures before deciding that it wasn't the right one.

"A rotationplasty?"

Callie rejected the idea: "No, no, it's not possible with this part of the leg." Alex went back to the main sight and scrolled down slowly, reading all the article titles carefully. Arizona tried again.

"Fibular grafting?"

"Oh, no. Cancer's seeded to his fibula." After a moment, there was a deep sigh. Looking over her shoulder, she saw Callie resting her chin on her hand, pen balanced between her fingers. The Latina looked at Emily incredulously and, shrugging, Emily turned back to look over Alex's shoulder.

"Hey, click on that. _Cadaver bone replacement for osteosarcomas._ Try it." He moved the mouse over it and it loaded a article that was recently published by someone from Baylor. Meanwhile, Arizona and Callie were still having their dispute.

"What?"

"You don't like Mark. Admit it."

"I like Mark."

"Liar."

"I like him. I do. We're just, you know…. We're different." Laughing in disbelief, Callie raised her head.

"Oh, my god. How are you different? Just tell me, 'cause I don't think you actually are." Arizona made a disagreeing sound and Alex looked over his shoulder at the couple. "What?"

"Should I leave?" He asked in a blunt tone and Emily nearly laughed.

"I second that-"

"Shut it. I'm waiting." Callie's voice was sharp as she turned to look at her girlfriend. Arizona scoffed and turned to face her girlfriend.

"Look… it's not that I don't like Mark. It's just that he's… Mark. You know, what you see is what you get." Emily balked and turned around, hands on her hips.

"Offensive!" She called out and Callie nodded in agreement. Stretching a hand towards her student, the Latina looked at her girlfriend with a slightly smug tone.

"Thank you."

"Besides—" Arizona shrugged as if the resident didn't interrupt— "you like him, so what do I care if his abs are where his soul should be?" Ignoring the blonde, Emily read the article she had pointed out. Alex raised his head when it showed scans of a leg that had once been infected and after, tumor-free.

"Alex, we found it." She grinned as Callie persisted the argument. Alex stood and turned to the two attendings just as the ortho surgeon threw her hands into the air in exasperation.

"Oh, my god."

"Found it right here. We don't have to cut off his leg," he exclaimed, pointing at the screen. Smiling, Emily wrote down the website as Callie and Arizona crowded around the computer.

.

Entering the resident's lounge as soon as Altman left, she watched his half-naked form sit down.

"Hey, Jackie." He turned around and she sat by him on the other bench. Folding her hands in her lap, she cocked her head at him. "She wring you out?"

"Yeah."

Emily sighed at his answer and placed a hand on his knee. "Look, you want attendings to like you for your skill and for what you can do. Not for your looks." He rubbed his forehead and sighed, leaning forward. "Jackson,"

"Yeah?"

"Put on a shirt." He looked down at himself and got up, taking his shirt out and straightening it out. "Look. Worse comes to worse, I'll talk to Mark. Just, please, I know the shooting knocked you out of the game but we have to pull it together. We're surgeons. We can't get left behind." He nodded, poking his head through a shirt and she rubbed his arm.

"Thanks," he whispered and she stood, patting his head. Her cubby, right next to his, was emptied as she pulled out her bag. Changing into a hoodie and jeans, she pulled out her hair from underneath her hood.

"I'm going home. Text me if you need me." He promised he would and she smiled as she hitched up her bag on her shoulder.

.

When she got home that night, she was greeted immediately with Callie on her couch. "Uh, I thought it was sushi night?"

"Mark took Arizona and left. I thought they'd be back by now but apparently they're going to Joe's for drinks."

"Oh." She closed the door and plopped on the couch next to her friend. Resting her head on the woman's shoulder, she closed her eyes and leaned into the couch. "Does Arizona know that Mark knows that she doesn't like him?"

"He knows." Her mentor affirmed. "I'm glad they're getting along though." Opening her hand, she waited as Emily stared at it in confusion. "Let me see the ring again."

"You've seen it before, Callie."

"I wanna see it again - it's so beautiful. Mark had me help him pick it out." Unclasping the necklace from around her neck, she slid the ring into the open palm. Sighing, the Latina pinched it between her thumb and index finger. She held it up to the light as it glimmered. "See?"

"Yeah."

"You should wear it at work," Callie murmured, handing it back to the newlywed. Raising her head, Emily looked at it for a moment before sliding it onto her fourth finger.

"I do. I just have been working for forty-eight hours and I got too distracted. I am _exhausted._ "

"Come on." Callie patted her shoulder and Emily let her head drop again back on the woman's shoulder and let her eyes close. "Rest on me." Letting out a sigh, she was in a deep sleep within minutes.

.

"So, what's your plan for the million dollars?" Emily asked as she regarded herself in the mirror. Mark was changing in their bedroom as she stood in the bathroom. Straightening out her hair, she let the curtain of brown cover her face before tucking it behind her ear.

"Why are you straightening your hair? I love it in curls," he murmured, coming up behind her and kissing her neck.

"Million dollars," she sang as she unplugged the iron and set it aside to cool down. His whole body formed against hers, pressing her to the counter and she sighed playfully. "Mark, not _now._ "

"It's been weeks," he complained and she turned around to kiss him. His hands on her waist slid down to her bottom, squeezing gently. Her legs widened and he stepped between them, mouth capturing hers. Her arms tossed around his neck, she kissed back hard as he lifted her up onto the bathroom counter, swiping away all the toiletries away. Just as he was about to pull her shirt up, she pushed him away.

"Mm, wait. You have the meeting with the Chief. When you get the million dollars, we'll celebrate then." He pulled back with a groan and she smirked at the flushed cheeks and his gaze that seemed to dart between her lips and her breasts. Winking at him, she looked down to his pants before she took his face into her hands, kissing his lips in promise.

.

"Oh, hell yeah. We're attendings." She ran a hand over the dark scrubs but frowned at Cristina' lack of energy. "Cristina?" Meredith settled a hand on her shoulder and she looked at her. Her green eyes said, ' _Leave it to me'_ and Emily sent a concerned glance at the two before making her way to April. They went to the main nurse's station and asked for charts as Jackson and Alex approached them.

She thanked the nurse as she got handed a chart. Opening it, she noted that it was on the peds floor. Jackson opened his lab coat to show off his scrubs and she rolled her eyes, nudging him. "No need to show off," she quipped and he smirked. April chuckled as Alex bumped into her.

"Hey!" She shot a playful glare as they went to their separate cases. Alex and Emily went to the elevator, waiting for it to go in. When it finally opened, they stepped into the steel car. Mark was already inside and he greeted his wife with a kiss.

Hey." She pecked him on the lips and he smiled. "What're you doing here?" She stood beside him and his breath fanned across her cheek. Smiling, she tilted her head to kiss him again. His hand made its way to settle on her hip and she leaned against him.

"You look good in navy scrubs," he murmured and she chuckled. "You better make good on your promise." She looked up at the elevator floor indicators. They had one more floor. Alex cleared his throat noisily but she rolled her eyes.

"When do I not?" she teased as the doors opened. They all exited but she turned left as they continued down the hall. Callie was just arriving and they went into the room where she looked at the two dads worrying about their daughter. Callie pushed her forward and, sending a sour look over her shoulder, Emily opened the chart. "Kayla Lennel, five, in for a…" She trailed off and sighed. "A double amputation to treat her congenital talipes equinovarus - clubfoot."

"Dr. Torres, are you sure that this is the right call?" One of the dads asked. He was a large man, fit and probably had a job somewhere along the lines of a builder. "I mean, if-"

"I'm sorry, Jackie but I'll have to defer to Dr. Moore." Startled, Emily looked at Callie with wide eyes. The Latina nodded encouragingly and the brunette turned back to her patient with a fake smile. After a moment, she dropped it and sighed.

"The pain won't get worse but it will never get better. Your daughter's condition would've been easily treated if she were a baby but-" Jackie cut her off, desperation etched on his face.

"The parents - they didn't… they just put her up for adoption. We, we couldn't afford before-"

"Sir." She felt a pang of sympathy as she made a calming gesture. "You're making the right choice - never doubt that." She allowed a small smile. "I'm going to do everything I can to give your daughter the best life possible." Emily turned her gaze to the girl on the bed who was hidden beneath the covers. Approaching, she pulled back the covers gently. "Hey, Kayla."

"Hi." The girl teased a part of the blanket between her fingers, eyes wide. "Are you my doctor?"

"Yep." The dads approached Callie, something akin to distrust in their eyes. "Oooh, cool shirt. Can I see?" she prompted when she spotted the white t-shirt, markers all over it. Kayla nodded, inching up higher so she could see.

"Are you sure Dr. Moore can do this? I mean, why can't you?" Gale asked.

"Dr. Moore is extremely talented and I'll be there the whole time."

"But on my baby girl-"

"You heard what Dr. Torres said, Gale. We just have to trust her," Jackie murmured. Emily tried to block out their conversation as she looked over at Kayla's shirt. Some of the messages were to get well soon and Emily grinned when she spotted one that said that they hoped the doctor wasn't mean and scary.

"They're from my friends."

"I don't think I'm scary. Do you?" Emily asked and Kayla giggled, shaking her head. Her dads went to her bedside and took her hand as the patient beamed at her parents.

"Daddy, the doctor isn't mean!"

"That's what your papa said, dumpling." Gale said and Jackie rubbed the back of his head. "Okay. Dr. Torres, you can do this for my daughter - just please, I need her alive." Jackie pulled his husband into a hug and Emily grabbed Kayla's hand.

"Do you have any questions?"

"Will it hurt?" she asked and the hazel-eyed woman half-sat on the bed. "What if people call me a freak?"

"You know what? It'll hurt just a little bit but I know you're really brave. And, the other kids will think you're so cool because you'll be like a superhero. You can walk even after this surgery. Okay? So you're going to be just fine and I'll be with you every step of the way." The brunette smiled when Kayla seemed to be put at ease. "But now, I have to work. Do all these boring adult things that you don't have to do." She scrunched up her nose, causing another giggle and Emily stood. Looking at the parents, she offered a small smile as she held the binder to her chest. "Just ask me if you have any questions."

"Thank you, Dr. Moore."

"Of course."

The two doctors backed out and Callie gave her a signature mega-watt grin. Writing down that the surgery would be half-past two, she could feel her friend's stare on her.

"What?" she complained and looked at her. "It was just a scared kid who's built up the stereotype that doctors are terrible people. Besides, she's a kid. If you're mean to a kid, something's wrong with you."

"So there are no plans to have a baby?" Callie prompted and Emily rolled her eyes and shoved her away. " _Ooh_." The brunette couldn't help but smile, the thought of tiny babies infecting her head.

"Can you get _away_ from me!" Emily laughed as Callie pouted jokingly, heading back to stand beside her. "I have to finish up her labs and make sure she's comfortable before surgery."

"Okay, but, _babies._ " Callie's hands sprung open in a _pow_ gesture before sneaking away. Her hazel eyes followed after her mentor before returning back to the chart, scribbling in as the lead surgeon on the case. Despite her smile, she couldn't help remember the day the world fell around her.

Her stomach turned and she closed her her eyes, taking a deep breath. She was out of there now. She was fine.

She had to go run labs.

.

"Hey." She wrapped her arms around Mark's neck from behind and kissed his cheek. He smiled, turning his head to kiss her back. "How'd the presentation go?"

"He told the Chief he was a build of raw power because he's horny," Arizona informed with a bright smile. Raising her eyebrows, she looked to her husband in confirmation and he looked away.

"Seriously?" Callie laughed at her disappointed question, trying to hide the devilish glint in her eyes.

"It's your fault, you know?" Mark turned to Callie who raised an arched eyebrow. "You psyched me out." The Latina faked innocence as Teddy took a bite out of her sandwich. "And you!" He turned to glare playfully at his wife. "You played a part."

"How so? Arching an eyebrow, she stared at her husband.

"I'm horny and sad." Patting his shoulder, Emily kissed his head and drew arms away, hands resting on his shoulders.

"Well, we'll see if we can fix that tonight," she murmured and he grinned, catching her wrist and pulling her into a kiss before letting go. His hand brushed over the ring on her finger and they both shared a smile before she walked away to prepare Kayla for surgery.

.

"So, can I wear my scrub cap?" she asked Callie who nodded. Taking out her Milky Way scrub cap, she ran a finger over the silver words that she'd written and Mark's signature. Tying it around her bun, she looked down to Kayla. Placing her hands on the rail, she smiled at the kid. "Hey, there."

"You have a pretty hat," the girl said honestly and Emily chuckled. Kayla's eyes drifted to her ring and she reached for it. "And a pretty ring! Did a boy give you that?" The brunette lifted her eyes to Callie who beamed and she nodded.

"Yeah, this boy I love very much. He's a very nice doctor and very funny," she said and reached around her neck to unclasp the necklace before sliding the ring on. "But this has to hide away so I don't lose it."

"Okay." Kayla pouted at the thought of the ring disappearing but it disappeared when the doors opened. Clasping the necklace around her neck again, Emily tucked it under her shirt and went to the scrub room as Callie pushed the bed into the O.R. Tying the mask to her face, she began to scrub in when the door to her left opened. Looking up, she expected Callie but realized that if the ortho surgeon wanted to come in, she'd have used the door to her right.

"Well, if isn't the big shot ortho attending?" a voice drawled. Grinning, she saw Mark holding his scrub cap as she kept on scrubbing. "Damn, I want to peel those off, and do you right now," he murmured and she looked away, trying to focus on Callie prepping the patient. His voice went right to the parts of her body it shouldn't have as he came beside her, voice husky. "Bend you over, do you right."

"Stop. I can't perform this surgery if you're gonna make me bothered," she protested and he kissed the spot just below her ear. "Mark-"

"Sh… I'm helping you unwind." His hands shifted the shirt down the plane of her shoulder, exposing more skin as he kissed a hot trail. "You nervous?"

"Kind of," she admitted and his hands rubbed up and down her shoulders as he breathed her in by her ear. "I mean, this is on a kid and I'm cutting off her legs. Doesn't that seem wrong?"

"Well, if they'd fixed it earlier-"

"But they couldn't, Mark," she sighed, closing her eyes for a moment as she grabbed a towel and turned off the sink. "She was put up for adoption and it was too late by then when her parents got to her."

"Damn." She turned to him and saw the inside of his cap flash with silver. Smiling, she looked up at him and sighed helplessly. "But…" she began hesitantly, "I'd never do that to our kid. Because I'd love our kid no matter what, whenever they come." The silence was palpable and she swallowed, feeling silly.

Bundling her hands in the towel, she was prepared to turn around to leave the embarrassment but when she began to turn, a hand roughly turned around. Then, her mask was torn off and Mark pressed a smoldering kiss against her lips. Wincing, she clenched the towel in her hands, grateful that it prevented her from having to scrub in again as she kissed back passionately. His lips glided over hers as his hands settled on her shoulders and he trailed hot kisses down her neck.

"What was that for?" she breathed and he beamed, stroking her cheek. "Mark?"

"You're a brilliant surgeon - I mean, you're changing this girl's life. But I know you'll be a just as brilliant mother," he murmured and she felt her heart beat rapidly against her ribs, warmth filling her head and making her dizzy. "And I will always love you more than I ever thought possible. Now, I've got to go for surgery but we can talk about this when we got home."

"I thought tonight was date night," she reminded and he sighed, content.

"Maybe after date night," he allowed and Emily grinned as he leaned forward to peck her cheek. "I'll see you later. And if this surgery goes badly—" He shrugged— "I'm here for you. I'll always be here for you."

"That's enough for me." He smiled, tying a new mask around her. Turning her around, he made sure it was fit before kissing her forehead.

"Go. Kick ass."

.

"So, kids," Mark approached the subject carefully. Emily sighed and kissed his back, hugging him from behind. "We'd have to see the O.B. for that. See if your hCG levels are okay."

"Oh, I know. I, uh, booked an appointment after surgery. It's in a few days. You can come, if you'd like."

"Of course." He turned around to hug her tightly and she held on to him as tight as she could. "How many, do you think?" Emily smiled against his chest, pondering it over.

"Can never tell. First I think two would be good, but then I remember we're surgeons, so-" She stopped and then looked up at him, kissing his chin. "How about you?"

"Three."

"Three?" She laughed, legs tangling in his. Their skin-to-skin contact had the feeling in her chest spread into her bones and she thought she could stay in this cocoon forever. "That's a lot."

"Two boys and a girl. Keep the house loud. I want a loud house. A home full of life."

"Fair enough." Humming, she pressed her lips together and looked away. "Uhm, what about adoption? I wanna adopt a kid, maybe." Mark's eyebrows rose and fell as he nodded.

"Okay. Sure." Smiling, she nodded and snuggled up against him. "We can adopt. Maybe get a cat so it can take care of itself."

"A cat?"

"Yeah. An old cat. Grumpy. Grr." He bared his teeth and she chuckled, kissing his lips. "Anything you want."

"I could be down for a cat. But first, the O.B. appointment."

"Yeah, of course."

Pulling away, she turned off the lights and punched her pillow to fluff it up. "Goodnight, Mark." Sighing, he rolled over and tossed an arm onto her stomach as she shifted to sleep diagonally across the bed. Her legs kicked into his and he scowled at her although her eyes were already closed. He took his arm back, hugging a pillow to his chest as he flipped to his side away from her, eyes closing. Their legs woven together as their only contact, Mark knew somehow he was going to end up in her arms and her in his. Somehow. And he didn't exactly mind.

"Goodnight, Em."

 **A/N: Edited - November 4, 2018**

 **Next: Unexpected news, once again.**


	53. Happiness

_And it's not so important that it's happy ever after just that it's happy right now. See once in a while, once in a blue moon people will surprise you. And once and a while people may even take your breath away._

 _-Meredith Grey_

* * *

" _Camera crew are coming up to peds,"_ Taylor reported through the phone and she nodded, sipping her coffee. " _Is it another day on K duty?"_ After the success in the double-leg amputation, Emily had barely left Kayla's side since her dads were working their asses off to cover for insurance. Mostly because she wanted to make sure the girl was okay but also because she was getting exhausted and crampy and taking care of Kayla was an easy day on her.

"Yeah," she affirmed as the elevator doors opened to reveal the people filming them. "It's only 6:30 so I'm not waking up Kayla yet. I might see if Mark got some sleep before we make sure she didn't get edema. It's healing better than I expected but Callie wants me to ease her into the schedule of being at the hospital full time," she added with a roll of her eyes, taking her coffee and going to the on-call room she saw her husband go into. He was awake but tired and she sat by his head, running a hand through his hair.

" _Yeah. Well, Lexie's on double-arm transplant with your husband so that leaves us both left out. I've got to begin organizing the 'training' for the other residents and attendings since we won the one mil grant,_ " Taylor informed. " _Keeps me busy. I'll see you later?_ "

"Yeah, bye, Taylor." She hung up and Mark finally looked up at her. Her stomach churned at the haunted look in his eyes. "Did you sleep?" she asked anyways.

"No," he murmured and rested his head on her thigh. Sighing, she lifted his head and settled so he was between her legs. Letting his head use her stomach as a pillow, she just stroked his hair.

"Then sleep now. I'm here," she murmured. He nodded and swallowed thickly, closing his eyes and trying to sleep, hoping that the nightmare wouldn't come again.

.

"7:30 and it's time to work," she announced to the camera crew following her. "I've been here for… twenty two hours? After a few routine procedures, I'll probably be off but I'll stay for one surgery. There's a double arm transplant going on so I'll be watching that." Taking Kayla's chart, she began to walk to the room. "I've been on this case for a few weeks now and I just need to make sure she doesn't have edema which is a buildup of fluid and that the incision site looks good." Alex ran past her, down the hall and she watched him. "He's probably got a 911 page. You never walk for a 911 page but especially on peds. These are kids and there's a lot of stake."

"What's the case?" a cameraman asked and she opened the binder, bending the cover over the back as she took out a pen. Clicking it, she proceeded to explain.

"Uh, she was admitted because of her condition - you may be familiar with clubfeet. Normally, it's treated when they are babies but the baby's birth parents weren't financially stable and gave her up for adoption so we performed a double below-the-knee amputation. Right now, I'm just checking up on her because her parents aren't around." Entering the room, she put an effortless smile onto her face. "Hey, Kayla!"

"Em!" The girl perked up as soon as she saw the doctor. "Do I get my legs today?"

"No, Kay. Now, these nice men are just filming you so give them your biggest smile." The tiny child beamed at the cameraman who cracked a smile.

"Cheese!"

"Okay, Kayla. Can you give me a super deep breath?" Inhaling, Kayla sat up as Emily took her vitals. "And another? Okay, good girl. Is your daddy coming to visit today?"

"Yep! With brownies!" Kayla exclaimed and she grinned. "Do you need to see my legs?"

"Yeah. Pull those blankets off. Sorry, Mr. Piggle," she apologized to her patient's stuffed pig who sat at the end of the bed. The brunette placed the large stuffed pig in Kayla's arms and the blonde child hugged it tightly. "How's the pain? Okay?" Nodding, Kayla watched as Emily unwrapped the bandages and tenderly touched the healing scars. "Good." Rewrapping the legs tightly to prevent the fluid buildup, she ruffled the girl's hair.

"Am I all okay?"

"Yep. Tip-top shape. I think we just need to wait one or two more weeks before we start getting you some legs."

"Yay!" Emily smiled, backing out of the room with a promise that she'll come back later. Leaving, she looked at the camera.

"They're normally in good spirits. Just because the parents aren't around doesn't mean they're bad parents. They're just busy." Walking down the hall, she picked up a few more charts for rounds. "Come on. We've got a long day ahead of us."

.

"How has the shooting changed us?" Alex asked as he glanced at Emily. He wanted her to answer the question and she smiled slightly.

"I think we're a lot closer. I mean, we've been close since our intern year but this really was a… a bonding moment." Alex snorted at her words and she wrinkled her nose at him. "He was there when I really needed him."

"Plus, her guy took a bullet for me, so I'd say I owe both of 'em."

For the viewers at home, they would read their names, yes, but then it'd cut to Alex and Emily walking down the hall, meeting up with Lexie as text appeared on the screen.

 **Dr. Moore had to bring a colleague to a safe area whilst the gunman still roamed the halls. The colleague was shot when pushing Dr. Karev out of the way.**

 **Dr. Moore and Dr. Karev had to perform a procedure without any anesthesia on the colleague while Dr. Grey rushed to grab blood from the blood bank.**

Then, it'd cut back to Alex and Emily, who were quiet. "I mean, a lot has changed here. For one, I got married."

"Yeah. And I saw that happen before my very eyes. It's weird. I never thought I would be the type of guy worthy enough to be pushed out of the way."

"He was a dick when we first came here," Emily informed and the cameraman arched an eyebrow. "It's kind of… touching, seeing how far we've come." Emily placed her hand atop of Alex's and smiled. "But, it's cost us a lot, hasn't it?" At this, the two surgeons glanced at the cameraman to cut. The man lowered the camera and the brunette sighed.

"Thanks for filming with us guys," the producer said, coming into frame. Shaking their hands, he nodded. "I'll keep in touch if we want to film later in the day."

"Yeah, of course. Where are you off to, next?"

"Lunch." Cracking a smile, the two friends watched as the camera crew headed off to the elevators. It dropped when they were gone. Talking about that day was not the easiest way to put a smile on either of their faces.

.

The alarms blared and Emily glanced up at the swirling red as she exited the bathroom. She had just spent forty-five minutes getting acquainted with the bathroom tiles, having felt nauseous and bloated. The nausea was cured by the vomit, the bloating not so much. Instead, she felt like she was full of gas and would burst if someone touched her the wrong way.

She saw staff walking past her and a commotion down the hall. She was just on her way to the O.R. where Mark was operating when she heard someone yell.

"Avery! Dr. Avery! Hold on! Dr. Avery!"

" _Enter security access code."_

Running over, she saw nurses crowding around a pair of locked doors. Pushing through, she slammed her hand against the glass. She was well aware the camera crew was filming but it was barely in her head. Her only focus was getting Jackson and the patient out. Yanking at the door, she grunted when it didn't budge.

"Jackson?" Her voice caught in her throat as she saw him lower the patient 180 degrees to begin compressions. "Jackson! Hey! Listen to me!" He seemed to be stuck in some loop as she swallowed, hand stinging from her repeated slaps against the glass. There was nothing she could say that could unlock the doors and save that patient. As the alarm continued to scream in their ears, she heard someone else come through.

"Let me in here. Move. Avery, Avery!" There was a crash cart waiting on the other side and a code team waiting for the exact moment the doors swung open. "Avery, look, I was waiting in radiation. How's the patient?" Trying to yank the doors open, Teddy continued slapping the glass as Emily gave the cardiothoracic surgeon a look. Their eyes met briefly before Teddy turned to look back at Jackson. "Damn it! How long has he been coding?"

"I need to get out of here."

"Avery, you're gonna break his ribs."

Through the glass, Emily could hear his panting as he continued to press against the patient's chest. He lost all form, now blindly desperate to save the man. If he pushed any harder, ribs would snap.

"Jackson, we'll get to you. Just hold on."

" _Enter security access code."_

"I'm not kidding, DR. Altman, okay?" Finally, he looked to them and Emily clenched her jaw when she spotted the way his eyes narrowed, crumpled into distress and fear. "Please." Despite Teddy's words, he persisted. "I need to get out of here. _Now._ " His eyes fell back to the patient and Teddy grimaced, turning away.

"Dr. Altman, where are you going?"

"To fix this." The blonde stormed off and the camera crew followed after her as Emily turned to the waiting nurses.

"Get back to work, all. There's a code team on the other side. You guys need to do your jobs." The nurses all stared at her dubiously and she added, "Dr. Altman will be back. You guys go." They dispersed and she turned back to the door. "Jackson, I need you to listen to me. You need to take a breath. You need to _breathe._ " Trying to get his attention, she slammed her hand against the glass. " _Jackie._ "

"Get me out of here, Em! You've gotta get me outta here."

"I know, I know. Altman's doing what she can. Just wait. Just hold on, Jackie."

" _Enter security access code."_

"Avery. Avery, it's okay. Just hang in there, okay?" Turning around, she saw Altman run back towards them and Emily pushed against the doors when suddenly they swung open. Flooding into the hallway, the code team and Dr. Altman swarmed the patient as Jackson continued CPR. "Alright, you can stop now. Someone else can take over."

"Jackson, you have to stop. Jackson—" She tugged at his arms, pulling him away but he was bigger than her. Stuck in a trance, he blinked as Emily tried to call to him.

"Avery, look at me. Look at me. You can stop now. Avery, Avery. It's okay, it's okay." Dr. Altman sighed, hand on his bicep. "Moore-" Nodding, the brunette finally managed to wrench Jackson away from the patient so the code team could hook up leads. The two stumbled back against the wall and the code team wheeled the stretcher out between the double doors. Teddy followed but not before a final glance at Jackson who sagged against Emily, sobbing into her shoulder. Crumpling under the weight, the two surgeons sank to the floor and Emily leaned against the wall, holding him to her.

"Jackie," she whispered, hand rubbing his head as he tried to calm his breathing. "Jackie, come on. We have to get up." Looking up, she saw the camera crew staring at the two and glared. "Don't you have something better to do?" she snapped and they glanced at each other before walking away. Swallowing the bruising in her throat, she pressed her forehead against Jackson's head. "Okay. Let's sit here. That's fine. When you think you can, we can get up."

So they sat there for a long time and Emily knew she was missing a historic surgery but she didn't know what decent person would leave Jackson, a friend, like this for something that could happen again.

.

"So, your hCG levels are balanced again. As long as they don't fluctuate, you should be fine to conceive a child." The O.B. stood, shaking Emily's hand before shaking Mark's. "I hope you two the best."

"Thanks, Connie," Emily said and Mark held her hand as the obstetrician left first to give them time. Making a face when she moved too fast, Emily tried to fix her face to hide the bloated feeling in her lower abdomen. She felt so gassy and terrible. Plus, her sweating was off the charts. If she vomited, she sweated. If she sweated, she vomited. It was a vicious cycle that had taken a break after lunch but the bloating didn't go away.

Still, Mark didn't notice too much - or so she thought - and they left the office to go down. The camera crew was off to Joe's since Mark was going to celebrate the successful arm transplant with the others.

"You should go. I can go home and rest." Emily pecked Mark on the lips and he smiled, kissing her lips, then the spot between her eyebrows. "Have fun."

"Make sure you sleep. You've been busy today." Nodding, she hugged him tight and he returned the hug before pulling away. "I'll make sure I drink a brandy in your honour."

"I'm touched," she whispered and he wrinkled his nose against her face. "Go! Don't let me keep you." Pushing him towards Joe's, she watched him for a moment before heading inside their apartment building.

.

"How were drinks?" she asked carefully when Mark came in. Rubbing her palms against her pants, she glanced nervously at the pregnancy test on their coffee table.

"Good, we had a few rounds. But you need to be honest with me - what's wrong?" Her mask of carefully schooled neutrality dropped into a confused one.

"What do you mean?"

"You have that look where it says you're hiding something from me. Plus, you've been acting weird since the O.B. visit. I'm here for you, Em—" He came closer and she stepped into his outstretched arms. Hugging his waist tightly, she looked up at him— "I love you, you know that."

"I love you, too." The anticipation welled up, squeezing between her lungs as she took a deep breath and sat him down, settling down beside him and taking his hand in hers. "I've been sick, and sweaty, and bloated and… I've had these signs before. I, uhm, I want to know if I might be pregnant, but I wanted to wait for you." Reaching forward, she showed him the unused pregnancy test. It was still in its wrapper and everything. Mark's eyes widened substantially and his jaw dropped. "I want to take this but I want to take it with you."

"Then, let's do it," he readily agreed and she smiled hesitantly. Hugging her, he let out a shaky laugh. "You could be pregnant. With our kid, Em. _Ours._ "

"Yeah, I know. But if I'm not… I don't want to disappoint you." He sighed, cupping her cheek so she would look at him. "I know how much you want a kid." Her voice echoed the past, with Sloan and his grandson. "I want one too but it's your dream and I don't know-"

"Hey," he cut her off firmly and his thumb stroked her cheek whilst looking into her eyes. "For so long, all I've ever wanted was you, alright? Yeah, kids are something I want but my dream is you. I lost you once, I'd be damned if I lose you again _._ " Stunned, she felt tears beginning to sting and her heart throbbed in her throat. "You are my family. You always have been."

"And that's… enough? I… _I'm_ enough for you?" she whispered, voice cracking and he nodded, heart breaking at her words. She sounded so thoroughly shocked, so surprised that someone would think such a thing. "But, with Sloan-"

"She's gone now. And you are my family. I mean, we're _married,_ Em, and you are my best friend. Knowing that makes me the happiest I've ever been. Loving you makes me happier than I've ever been." Pulling her into another tight hug, he kissed her neck as she allowed the tears to trace down her cheeks and nestle in his shirt. Wiping at her face with a sniff, she let out a breathless laugh and looked to the ceiling to try and stop the crying. After a moment, he pulled back and kissed the tears off her cheeks.

"Mark, how did I manage to get you as my soulmate?" she asked and he laughed, pressing their foreheads together.

"Please. I ask myself the same question every day." Kissing her swollen mouth, he indulged in her plush lips before remembering the situation at hand. Pregnancy test. Right. "Come on, let's go to the bathroom before you pee your pants."

"Oh, yeah. I completely forgot."

After ten minutes behind closed doors, the two emerged with red-rimmed eyes and full-blown tears. Everything was blurry - she could hear the rain against the windows, smell Mark's shampoo beside her, felt him carry her and spin her around but everything was blocked by the tears the just streamed down her face. But when she blinked hard, a new round of tears falling down her face, the world was crystal clear and she looked at the tiny stick again.

"We're going to have a baby. Oh, god, I'm having my kid," Mark whispered and she looked up at him in disbelief. "Em? Are you alright?" Launching herself into his arms, she heard his yelp in her ear as he pitched backward onto their bed. Laughing, she felt their hearts beat in time as he rested a hand on her abdomen.

"We're having a baby!" Peals of laughter burst from her chest as he brought her down for a deep kiss. Arms wrapping around his neck, she sighed into his mouth, giggling against his persistent kiss-seeking lips. The two rolld over, with Emily now flat against the bed and Mark growled against her jaw, kissing a flaming trail down her face to her neck. As her hands ran up and down underneath his shirt along the planes of his back, his roamed the expanse of her waist underneath the loose tee she wore for pajamas.

"I adore you," he whispered and she smiled into their next kiss.

"I adore you, too."

For once, everything was as it should be.

.

" _Noah Moore speaking._ " Emily's brother sounded extremely tired but Emily herself was too excited to sleep. Mark had just gotten down in their room as she paced back and forth in their living room.

"Hey!"

" _Emi, what on Earth?"_ She grinned excitedly to herself. " _I woke up from a good night's sleep with my wife. Which you should be experiencing,_ with your husband." The last words were pointed and Emily knew it was because he was exhausted. " _Honestly, what do you want because if it's about your newest revelation in your marriage I swear-"_

"I'm pregnant!" she exclaimed and there was the buzzing on the other end. "I'm pregnant, alright? And I'm happy, I'm finally happy, and I wanted to tell you. Noah, I'm - I'm pregnant."

" _Is it Ma-"_

"Of course it's Mark's, you idiot!" she yelled and winced, knowing she probably woke Mark up. "God, you are one of the leading surgeons in peds surgery in the _world._ You'd think you'd be smarter but no-"

" _Oh, my god. You're only a few weeks in and your hormones are a hundred times level that they should be. You're so dramatic!_ " Noah groaned dramatically but smiled on the other end as his sister began ranting. His baby sister, having a kid. It seemed like yesterday when she was asking for his textbooks because she had nothing else to read for silent reading. It was like yesterday when he managed to catch her video call to see her crying her eyes out. It seemed like yesterday when she had her heart shattered by that douchebag from New York Presbyterian.

Now, it was yesterday that Emily was ever in pain at all.

.

Waking up early in the morning was normally relatively simple. They'd normally shower, eat breakfast, and get ready for work. But now, ever since he learned that she was pregnant, she'd woken up multiple times to Mark whispering nonsense to her stomach.

"Hey, baby. This is your daddy. Yeah, your daddy and your mommy."

"Mark, we've got to get to Callie's. They're packing their stuff for Malawi as we speak. Come on, get up." She shoved him off of her and back onto his side of the bed and got up, feeling cramps immediately pinch at her. "God, ow!"

"Cramps?"

"Yeah, at least I don't have morning sickness," she murmured as Mark rolled to the edge of the bed, lounging like a house cat.

"I have Lexie on my service today. We're giving a woman an ass." He propped his head up with his hand and leaned over with his other arm and pinched her butt. Yelping, she turned around and glared at him. "I like your ass, though, if you were feeling self-conscious."

"No, I wasn't." She scowled, throwing a pillow at him. "Come on, let's get to Callie's. Up, you lazy, lazy man!"

"Okay, okay." He groaned as he got up, falling off the bed. "Hear that baby? Your mommy's already bossing me around!" he yelled as he went into the bathroom and she giggled, placing a hand on her still-flat stomach. For a moment, she tried to imagine what their child would look like before she realized she was getting ahead of herself. Getting up, she followed after her husband to the bathroom.

.

"Taylor!" The trauma attending looked up from the labs and smiled.

"'Sup?"

"Okay, so Callie and Arizona are leaving today and Teddy was supposed to get the cupcakes but she's getting lungs and Mark is giving a big ass to a lady. Lexie's assisting, I'm _exhausted_ and Kayla's having a bad day because her dads haven't visited this week. _Plus,_ I have the 'trauma board certification' so I was just wondering-"

"Are you asking for me to get the cupcakes?" he asked, raising an eyebrow and she nodded. "Em, I'm a trauma attending. Do you think I'm some errand boy?" the blond added incredulously and Emily sighed.

"Please," she whined and he sighed, already caving. "Come on. Callie and Arizona are _leaving_ for three years." With a pout on her part and a reluctant nod on his, he agreed. "Thank you." She hugged him tightly and kissed his cheek. "Party's at seven."

.

"You're really going for three years?" Emily ran a hand through her hair as Callie nodded. The two women were outside the hospital near the parking lot. The orthopedic surgeon was waiting for Mark while Emily was ready to head out with her friends to Joe's. "I'm going to miss you."

"I'll miss you, too," the woman murmured and the brunette smiled softly, pulling back.

"You know, Mark would say something weird, some weird analogy or metaphor, but I think I can say this because you're literally leaving and you don't have time to be mad at me."

"What are you saying?"

"You don't want to go to Africa, and… you keep convincing yourself that you do." Callie pulled away and took a step back, her face darkening. "And I feel like, as your friend, I have to tell you what I feel."

"Em-"

"You need to do what you want to do. I know you love her, but… but if I did what you're doing for Arizona right now, Mark and I wouldn't be married at all. I had a miscarriage in Boston," she said, arms crossing as she took a step back and leaned against the concrete fence. Callie's arms dropped from their crossed stance and her mouth popped open, "and it's one of the reasons why Mark and I split the first time. Because, I couldn't have a kid and he was pushing me to do all these things for Sloan, and every time I said 'yes'. I realized that the way we were having this relationship - there wasn't room for me at the time. That… I could _never_ make Mark choose between me and his daughter. I'm a big girl, and I can take care of myself, so I walked away and now Mark and I are together again, and… and everything's good.

So, I think you need to step up, and tell Arizona that you can't move to Africa. You _cannot_ bend backwards for the one you love just because you are _scared to lose them_ , because you'll lose yourself, and then what are you left with?"

"Emily, I never knew you had a miscarriage."

"That's all you took from my words?" asked the younger surgeon tiredly and the Latina grinned slightly, bittersweet. "Look," she sighed, "if you make her choose, neither of you will be happy. So please, just tell her how you feel." Her phone chimed and Emily tore her gaze away to her bag, taking out her phone. "Oh, that's Alex." Slipping her phone back into her bag, she pushed off the fence to walk into Callie's arms. "I'm going to miss you, if you really do go." Callie's hand rubbed her back as the brunette held onto the woman tightly.

"Go on. You probably have plans."

"Yeah, call me when you land, okay?" Parting, the two surgeons merely took the other in, trying to memorize each other. "Who's going to teach me now?"

"You'll find someone." Chuckling, Emily looked to her shoes.

"No one's Callie Torres." Sniffing, Callie made Emily look up again and opened her arms.

"Come here before you make me cry." And once again, the two embraced, unable to let go.

.

" _Move or I'll run you down!_ Hilarious!" Alex downed another drink as April blushed. Lexie shared a glance with Emily, who slowly sipped her water and glanced over her shoulder. Mark was staring at her ass. Shaking her head to herself, she turned to Lexie.

"Where's Taylor?"

"No idea. He was supposed to meet me here," the brunette muttered and Emily frowned as Alex continued the story.

"Em was there - it was _crazy._ "

"Yeah, it was great. You know, Red, you could be the trauma surgeon we need to help complete the gang. Peds—" She pointed at Alex then at herself— "Ortho or plastics, Mer is gonna be neuro, Jackson is going to do whatever he's going to do, no idea. He's a wild card. Cristina is cardio, obviously." Alex and Lexie sent her a look that she ignored in favour of smiling at April. "All we need is general."

"Well, I still have to decide, so," Lexie said with a shrug and Emily made a face in agreement. Draining the last of her water, she set it down on the counter when the burning in her back intensified. Excusing herself, she let Lexie take her seat the bar and pretended to search for the one man she saw instantly. Walking over to her husband, she leaned on the table and smiled. "Were you staring at my ass?" He smirked, settling down the newspaper he was reading and letting her sit in his lap. Kissing him, she smiled against his lips as his arms wrapped around his waist. Her hands pressed against his neck as his other hand tangled in his hair, eyes closing.

"Wasn't the first time; won't be the last. Do you wanna go home?" he asked and she nodded, slouching against him. "Baby's taking a lot out of you, huh?"

"Yeah. Can't wait until he's older. Then, I'll have the soul sucked out of my body!" Laughing, the man kissed her cheek. She got off of him, wrapping an arm around his waist as he helped her out of the bar. She bid farewell to her friends and they went home only to see a heartbroken Callie on their doorstep, tears running down her face as she explained that Arizona left for Malawi without her.

.

Emily could hardly believe that Cristina had quit. _Cristina Yang's quit,_ she repeated in her mind. _And is hosting a house party._

But she went to the house party anyway which appeared to be missing the owners of said home. _And Mark's hosting, which takes the stress off of me because he looks really good in a black tee. Fantastic._ Leaning against the counter in the kitchen, she rolled out her neck under her palm as Jackson came beside her with a whole body of gin. His poison.

"Pick your poison," she muttered dryly, pulling open the fridge to grab the carton of apple juice. Pouring herself a glass, she returned the carton to the fridge and leaned in beside him, nudging the fridge door closed with her foot. Jackson poured himself a cup, downed it, then poured another. "Wow, cowboy. What's up with you?"

"Bad day at work."

"Jackson."

And so Jackson began to rant, ending with, "Bailey told me to step out of her O.R. I mean, I did everything _right_ and she still died. Post-op pancreatectomies always gets fistulas which results in severe hemorrhaging and other complications so _I didn't screw up. I didn't screw up_ and now, no attending wants to work with me."

"Is it time to pull the wife card?" she asked. "Or do you want your non-nepotistic mindset prevent you from working at all?" He groaned, facepalming. "Just, calm down, Jackson. I was joking and I'm sure that an attending _will_ want to work with you."

"But she-"

"I know, alright? Just drink your poison." He did so as April entered the flat, tears streaming down her face. Immediately, Jackson's face softened into worry at the sight of his best friend crying. Excusing himself, he approached her and brought her to the kitchen where Emily was watching.

"Red? What happened?" she murmured as Jackson hugged the crying redhead. "April?" The woman just kept crying into Jackson's chest as Emily rubbed her arms soothingly. April began to explain through shaky breaths as she detached herself from Jackson. Emily passed her a tissue and Jackson smiled.

"Hey, it's okay, alright? It's okay, now."

April nodded, sniffing as Jackson rubbed her arm. Offering her a tissue box, she saw April freeze and followed her eyes to see the very same man who had caused April's humiliation.

"Jackson-" she began to say but it was too late. The absolute rage in Jackson's eyes told her his mind was made. His hand fell away from April's arm, he stormed up to Alex who tried to placate the man to no avail. The man socked him in the jaw, once, twice, then tackled him to the ground. The table shattered and Emily lunged forward, pulling Jackson away from Alex as Mark and Owen backed her up. Placing herself between the two men, she turned to make sure that Alex wouldn't chase after the man. Callie and Meredith restrained Alex, taking him outside as Emily took Jackson to the kitchen past April. He was still in a haze as Mark opened the freezer to pass an ice pack to the waiting Lexie and Taylor behind him.

"Take this to Grey outside."

"Yeah." Lexie grabbed the ice pack as Emily made Jackson lean against the counter. "Taylor, can you get a towel?" she asked her boyfriend who nodded, wrapping it around the pack of ice in her hand. "Thanks, I got this." Lexie smiled at Jackson before heading out the loft.

Mark gave them all a hard look before shaking his head. Owen went back out to get the shattered table cleaned up as Emily grabbed another towel to wipe at the blood beading on Jackson's knuckles.

"So much for a 'housewarming' party," she muttered, glancing distastefully at the broken table over her shoulder. "Stay still."

"Callie asked if she could move in." Emily looked to her husband, raising an eyebrow. "I said yes since she's heartbroken and Robbins-" Mouthing an 'of course', she smiled and tilted her head to tell him she got this.

"You think it was hard for Yang…" he began and she looked up at him briefly before continuing to dab away the blood, "to quit, to… to just walk away?"

"If you're implying that you're quitting, then you don't need to worry. Technically, you did just assault a man so that might cost you the job anyway."

"Yeah, well, April is the only friend I have left here."

"I swear to God, I am going to murder your ass." Pressing particularly hard on one of his knuckles to make him wince, she scowled at him. "What do you think I've been doing for you? _Why_ do you think I've been doing it? Because… because I think you're some helpless deer?"

"Well-"

"Jackson, you're my friend. You said it yourself."

"That was before we had sex."

"I hate you, and you can't say that anymore once I-" She bit her lip, stopping herself. Jackson's eyebrows scrunched together, confused but she continued, "We are friends. With everything that's been happening, we're _good_ friends. Which is an upgrade from when we were not so good friends, agreed?"

Jackson smiled and she cupped his face. "Agreed."

"You're still having nightmares, aren't you?" He sighed and her hand dropped from his cheek so she could focus on his bruising in his hand. "You need to talk to someone about it."

His eyes softened and when their eyes met. "Yeah, I know."

 **A/N: Edited - November 8, 2018**

 **Next: A surprise visitor after a long day at the hospital.**


	54. Aria

_Nothing about this is okay._

 _-Derek Shepherd_

* * *

Emily and the rest of the gang walked into the lobby where the attendings were waiting. No matter how much she loved working, she hated the night shift. Adjusting her bag on her shoulder, she rubbed her cheek and stretched her facial muscles, still trying to wake up from sleeping eleven hours during the day.

"Did you just yawn? Was that a yawn?" Mark asked when April let out a massive yawn. Blinking hard, Emily stood between Lexie and Meredith as Teddy turned around. Jackson sidled in beside her as she nursed her mug of tea to wake her up without killing her like coffee would at this time of night.

"Don't tell us that you're tired after getting to sleep all day."

"It's not as easy as it sounds," protested the redhead and Bailey turned around, incredulous.

"Not easy? Not e- when I was a resident, I actually worked for a living. I did every other night call for five years."

There were days that I didn't go home for seventy-two hours. I loved it."

"As you trudged through the snow while you whittled your own scalpels." Wrinkling up her nose, she turned to hide her laugh as Jackson snickered.

"Sorry, I didn't quite catch that Karev." Lexie's short-lived laugh faded upon the peds attending's glare as the residents all shared looks before Bailey caught Alex's attention again. As she spoke about fistulas and whatever he had to do on her service, Emily reached behind her neck and unclasped the necklace. Twisting off her ring, she slid it onto the silver chain before placing it back around her neck where it belonged. Looking up, she spotted Mark looking at her and smiled, winking. His outfit with the grey button-up and the dark jacket had her wishing she really didn't have to work.

"Avery and Little Grey, Hunt is waiting for you in the pit." Teddy, phone in hand, went to leave. The residents parted for her as Jackson and Lexie went to head down to the pit.

"Kepner, go with them," Taylor added and the redhead nodded, following after them with a little bounce in her step.

"All right. Moore, just round on my post-ops, make sure pre-ops are stable, all that, you know what to do." Callie handed her a clipboard with a sheet upon it. "These are the patients scheduled for tomorrow, so make them your priority." Running the list over, she nodded.

"Of course."

"Try not to screw up our patients." Callie began to leave and Emily sent her housemate a smile. "Good night," she sang, "and good luck." Mark went to follow and as Emily read, she subconsciously tilted her head for him to kiss her cheek. With two kisses to her cheek, he continued walking.

"Try not to need us."

"Page us if you _do_ need us," Taylor added, following after his friends. Emily sighed, feeling a yawn crawling up her throat. Heading up the main staircase, she took one huge swig of her tea.

Time for the night shift.

.

When she was free, she sat by Kayla's bedside, catching up on charts. The kid was sleeping and Emily had her hand on her own abdomen, knowing that whenever her eyes passed over the child, her eyes softened infinitesimally. But it was there.

Emily wondered if Mark would look at their child the way he looked at his wife.

.

At Joe's bar, Mark smirked when Teddy rested her head against the table, voice muffled in her jacket. As she yelled at Derek, the plastics attending peeled a bar nut and popped it into his mouth.

"You're married! You don't get to have an opinion on my pathetic forays into internet dating."

"You do need a drink." Mark handed her his glass of scotch. Teddy straightened up, thanking him briefly. "You could just date your best friend." The other attendings looked at him and he shrugged. "It worked for me."

"Okay, you managed to make Dr. Perfect Princess fall for your dumb ass, and she made you fall in love with her, and what you have is out of a fairytale or some rom-com so you don't get an opinion either!"

.

"Merry Christmas!" she sang, bouncing up to Mark. "We have an O.B. appointment today at three, so if you could stay out a surgery, I'd love for you to be there." Kissing her quickly, he nodded.

"Of course. And it's not even Christmas. That's three days away."

"So, we haven't gotten each other Christmas presents?" she said and narrowed her eyes at him as he smiled, kissing her chastely. "Mark, three o'clock."

"I'll try my best."

.

She was in the PT room, the parallel bars up as she helped Kayla put on her newly made legs. Making sure the stump was comfortable, she pulled on the sleeve for her knees and smiled up at the girl. "Okay, you ready?" she asked and the blonde child nodded timidly. The physiotherapist came over with the newly made fitted legs and crouched before them.

"Okay, here we go Kayla." He grinned as the doors opened. Standing up, she looked back to see her fathers. Leaving Dr. Handler and Kayla, she approached them.

"Hi, Gale, Jackie," she greeted and they looked over her shoulder to see their daughter. "Uh, she's just getting them fit before we give them a test run. Then we'll determine if they're a good fit."

"Thank you, Dr. Moore. For all you've done for our daughter." Gale hugged her and, surprise, she didn't reciprocate until Jackie joined in too. Smiling, she could feel the relief radiating off of them. "Can we see her?"

"Of course." They returned to the parallel bars where Dr. Handler was carrying Kayla to the start of it. The girl clutched onto the metal bars and her fathers came to her side. "Okay, Kayla. You know what to do, right?"

"Right. I got this!" she cheered. Emily crouched at the end of the obstacle as Kayla took her first step carefully. The five year old nearly fell and her father reached to catch her but she shook them off, regaining her balance. Emily clasped her hands in front of her mouth, smiling wide when she took another successful step.

"You're doing it, dumpling!"

"You can do it!"

Emily didn't say anything as she got into the rhythm. Kayla got overconfident though. She began to walk faster, faster than her new legs and her body could handle as she tripped over her feet. Letting out a wail, the blonde fell to the ground. Emily immediately got up, walking the short distance as her fathers tried to help her up.

"It's okay, sweetie. You can get up and try again." Gale tried to soothe his daughter but Kayla was crying, face red as she tried to get up but by now, she couldn't control how her legs moved.

"I can't! I can't!" she yelled and Emily felt the cries speak to her soul. Feeling her throat tighten, she bent down as Kayla twisted to look at her. Blinking, she tried to ignore how the tears burned at her eyes. "I have no legs. I can't get up!"

"Dumpling…" Gale tried to help his daughter by carrying her but was immediately batted away.

"No, Daddy! I don't have legs! I don't have legs and I can't get up!" The brunette crouched down as Dr. Handler grabbed a tissue box.

"Dr. Moore." Jackie looked helplessly at the doctor and Emily scooped up Kayla in her arms. She ignored the fierce screams in her ear, carrying her until they reached the table where she had put on the sleeves in the beginning.

"Kayla," Emily began soothingly. "Kayla, hey." She tried again when the child kept throwing her tantrum. " _Kayla._ "

"I don't have legs." She sniffled and the brunette gestured for the tissue box which was placed in her hand. Offering it to Kayla, she smiled and patted her thigh. "It's so hard to walk."

"I know," she assured, "I know. But I need you to try. Remember what I said?"

"I'll be a superhero."

"That's right. Superheros are strong and brave. And they don't give up, right?" Nodding, Kayla sniffed and Emily wiped the tears away with a tissue. "And your daddy and papa are trying to help." Her pager blared and she saw it was an emergency page from Lexie. "I have to work, okay? But I'll be right back."

"Please, don't go!" Hugging the small child again, she patted her hair and put a smile on her face.

"I will be right back. Soon as I can." Pulling away, the woman approached Dr. Handler who was speaking to the parents. The three looked to her as she walked up to them.

"She's fine - just frustrated. This is going to be a long road for her, and she will stumble, but you guys need to be there to catch her.."

"Thank you, Dr. Moore," Jackie murmured and took his husband's hand, tugging him in the direction of their daughter. Dr. Handler watched them go and Emily sniffed quietly, wiping away invisible tears.

"Uhm, I have to answer a page. I'll be right back."

"Yeah, go." As Emily left the PT room, she took a deep breath, trying to calm herself down from the terrible hormone rush hearing a tiny child cry gave her.

.

"You paged?" Lexie looked away from the glass door and turned to her.

"Oh, uh, I need a favor. A nurse hates me."

"You're a resident. I'm sure they all hate you." Emily turned around to return back to what she was doing but Lexie grabbed her arm. "I was in the middle of a PT session."

"I know, but, they love you. Some might say you're their favorite resident." The younger doctor gave a bright grin and Emily raised her eyebrows.

"You couldn't have asked Taylor?" she asked sourly and the brunette pouted.

"Well, I could've but he's doing an exploratory laparotomy and I didn't want to pull him out of a surgery when he's saving a life… so…"

"I am exhausted! And working with a tiny child who has no legs and is trying to learn how to walk again. So, I don't have time for this." She was about to leave when Lexie grabbed her arm again.

"Can you please just talk to him, smooth things over, so that when I go to take my patient back to radiology and get his drain put back in, he doesn't make a scene? Em, please." Realizing what it was about, Emily sighed.

"Is this about the gallbladder removal through the mouth?" she asked tiredly. Kayla and the crying and the making the baby, it all really took the strength right out of her. Lexie nodded guiltily and Emily sighed. "Fine. But tonight, you're taking over my shift."

"Fine." She glanced over her shoulder and Emily followed her line of sight to a tanned man, well-built and with dark hair. "Oh god, okay, there he is."

"Eli?"

"E-"

"And if I ever get paged for anything I don't want to do, you're the one they page. It includes ulcers and removing outpatient masses, and all that."

"Fine." Emily sighed, opening the door and looking back at Lexie.

"Stay here and out of sight." Approaching Eli, she put on her most charming grin. "Eli, my favorite nurse." The man turned at the sight of her and she snapped her fingers. "Okay, so I don't want to really step on your toes but if I make a big show out of talking to you, then Dr. Grey over there—" She watched as he glanced over her shoulder— "will cover my shift and do all the crappy shit I don't want to do for a very long time. So can you make a big show, maybe mention how highly I think of her so I can leave and get back to work?"

"But what do I get out of it?" Thinking fast, she remembered the Seahawks tickets Mark had been gifted from a patient. He hadn't wanted them anyway… she was sure he wouldn't mind if she promised them away…

"Seahawks tickets, Sunday. Box seats."

"Parking?"

"Naturally." She shrugged and Eli raised his chin, narrowing his eyes.

"Fine.

"Now, begin." Her hands planted on her hips as he begun, in a louder voice, to announce that he couldn't put the drain in.

"I don't care what you say. Dr. Bailey has to give the go ahead with the drain before I can even consider doing it. I don't care how good of a resident you think Dr. Grey is, I'm not doing it." Smiling, she patted Eli on the arm.

"Thank you." He nodded. "You're a good man." He chuckled as she turned around to go back to Lexie. Making an innocent face at Lexie, she stood before her. "I tried my best, but you know what? No luck! Too bad. Gotta go." She pat Lexie's head and headed off, knowing that the younger woman was scowling after her.

.

She sucked in a breath as Connie squirted the ultrasound gel onto her flat abdomen. A warbling sound accompanied the wand as it landed on her skin. Mark held her hand, sitting beside her, and Emily looked to the monitor, watching as the woman spread the gel around with the wand.

"Boy or girl?" she asked and Mark brushed hair away from her forehead. Turning her head to him, she smiled. "Do you want a boy or a girl?"

"Either is fine." Narrowing her eyes, her smile grew.

"He wants a boy, Connie. And I know it's too early to tell, but it'll be very nice if we have a boy." The O.B. smiled as a soft thud began to fill the room, overtaking the warbling. Her breath caught in her throat as her eyes trained on that tiny little thing in her uterus.

"It will be, but for now, all I can give you is their heartbeat."

Emily turned to Mark and his mouth opened and closed before he looked to her. Bending their intertwined fingers towards him, he kissed her knuckles and pressed his forehead to their hands.

"I love you," he whispered and she smiled fondly at him, reaching over to run his hands through her hair. "I love you, so much."

"I love you, too."

.

Emily watched the TV numbly as Mark held Lexie close to his side. She stood beside Jackson on the staircase and swallowed difficulty as the reporter continued to explain the situation. Someone… opening fire on students - _kids._ Her stomach felt hollow and her heart dropped down to her gut as she held Jackson's hand tightly. He looked at her briefly but didn't say anything.

Owen and Teddy came in, asking what happened but none of them could reply, unable to rip their gazes away from the TV.

" _There are at least twenty victims._ " That caused a collective gasp and Owen snapped into action, calling for all the surgeons to get to the pit. Lexie was crying but she tried to hide as they put on trauma gowns and rubber gloves.

Emily watched her go as the Chief stepped in front of them. All around her, she saw people holding back tears and she looked down at the pavement.

"People… people. Our own trauma is fresh and we are going to have feelings today. And there is no shame in that. What I want to say is, what we went through six months ago, they are going through right now, which makes them our brothers and sisters…" the sirens wailed in the background, signalling the fast approaching ambulances. "Which makes them fellow travelers, which makes them our own, so to the very best of our ability we are going to do our work first and you're gonna have your feelings later."

Lexie wiped at her nose, trying to stall tears as the ambulances rounded the corner. Emily placed a hand on her shoulder, "Lex, go see if the pit is stocked." she suggested softly but the brunette refused, raising her head.

"No, I'm fine."

" _Grey_ ," Taylor glanced at the tiny brunette. "Call the blood bank. Tell them to give us all the O-Neg we have, alright?" Swallowing thickly, she looked up at her boyfriend before caving. The brunette wiped at her eyes before entering the E.R. again.

Tires screeched to a halt as they made a way for the gurney to pass. Watching the blood staining the bed, she felt the urge to throw up but swallowed it and leapt into action for a woman who could barely breathe.

"Lena Keller, twenty, G.S.W. to the chest through the fifth intercostal space and no exit wound." Nodding, she helped push the gurney into the hospital and into a medical bay.

Unwrapping her stethoscope from her neck, she listened to the heart and lungs just as E.R. staff swarmed in to hook her up to monitors. "Okay, we need labs, blood work, and a chest x-ray," she ordered. "On my count, one, two, three, lift." They transferred him to the bed and the gurney was pushed out of their way. The pulse was strong but her lung sounds were weak. "Start an I.V." She ordered as the woman's eyes darted from side to side.

"Right away, doc."

"Where am I?" She asked, muffled by the oxygen mask.

"Lena, you're at a hospital. Now, I need you to hold still, okay?"

"I was shot," Lena breathed painfully. "I was shot!" Heart rate began to spike and she turned to a nurse.

"Push two of morphine." Removing the gauze from the wound, Emily scowled when she saw blood oozing from it. Grabbing scissors, she cut it open when stats began to plummet. Listening to the lungs again, she heard decreased breath sounds. Lena was unconscious by then and blood was quickly filling the bed. Asking for an ultrasound, she placed it on the woman's chest, watching the image as it loaded. "Come on, come on."

It was a hemothorax. Blood was filling the cavity as she went to the side and found the intercostal space.

"Lidocaine." A nurse squirted it all over the area and she extended a hand. "Okay, scalpel." It was placed in her hand and she took a deep breath. Her hand shook as it held the scalpel and she closed her eyes for a moment. _This isn't Mark, this isn't Mark._ She repeated it like a mantra as she made a small incision.

"Scissors." She held up a hand for it as soon as she finished the first cut and dug them into the muscle. Slicing through, she bit her lip as Lena sprung awake, screaming. Straightening up, she made Lena look at her.

"Lena? Lena! Hey, okay, I know this hurts but you're gonna have to tough it out. You've got a hemothorax and if I don't put in a chest tube, you won't be able to breathe. Okay?" Lena's wide eyes found hers and she reached up a hand to touch the oxygen mask. "No, don't move. I've got you." Her hand fell back to the bed and Emily bent over once more. "I'm about to put in a chest tube, okay?"

 _This isn't Mark. This isn't Mark. This isn't Mark._

Emily shoved the tube into her chest and blood gushed out. Vitals stabilized as an E.R nurse took over from there and she backed away, gloves stained with dark red. Ripping them off, she took a huge breath.

She could feel every bone trembling and she looked at her hands. They were shaking so frantically that she couldn't stop. _Click-boom._

"Dr. Moore, what do you want us to?" Snapping back into the present, she looked blearily up at the person in front of her. A scan was shoved into her hands and she raised it to the light, seeing the bullet lodged in the liver. Clearing her throat, she narrowed her eyes.

"Okay, we need an O.R. to repair this liver."

"There are no O.R.s available."

"Crap, crap, crap," she muttered as Owen ordered for the Chief to perform surgery in the trauma room. Jacks ran past her with surgical kits. He ducked into the Chief's room before coming out and handing it out to the other beds. "Jacks, I need a kit here!"

"What's the damage?"

"Bullet to the liver and there might be more internal bleeding. Had to put in a chest tube." She reported and Taylor grimaced. "What?"

"You're going to have to take her to outpatient recovery. Anesthesiologists are waiting for you there."

" _What?_ "

"I know it's extreme but it'll have to do. It's like a MASH unit. Hey! Someone help Dr. Moore move her patient to outpatient and prepare a bed." Raising the rails, Emily took hold of the I.V. stand and began to move her patient as a nurse helped her push.

"Lena, you're going to be fine, okay?" Turning to the woman on the bed, she managed a smile. "We're gonna knock you out and when you wake up, you'll be just fine, okay?" Lena managed a nod and Emily let the smile drop as the elevator doors opened.

.

"Red!" She called and April paused, looking for the source of the sound. "I need some help over here." Emily handed the suction over to her and began to help her see. Hearing Lexie yell in the background for a neuro consult, she looked over her shoulder before returning back to Lena's open body.

"I see the liver lac. Hand me 3-0 Prolene." April's gloved hand dove into the cavity as the nurse handed her the thread. Vitals plummeted. "Oh, come on, come on."

"What's going on?"

"Its - there's more than one. Put your hand where mine is and then move it an inch to the left. My left," she clarified and Emily nodded, using her right hand to suction while her left hand found the second tear. "Okay, okay. Can you-"

"April. You can do it," Emily murmured. "Hurry. She's losing blood." April nodded almost to assure herself as she stitched away the tear and when she felt fingers nudge her hand, Emily moved her hand away as stats became stable. Bleeding was controlled as the brunette suctioned away any excess and they began to close. April laughed shakily and Emily smiled.

"We did it."

"Yeah, _you_ did," Emily affirmed and April pulled off her gloves. "Go on. I'll close." The redhead ran to tend to other beds as someone asked for a crash cart. Closing the cavity with her sutures, she made sure they were all neat and even before bandaging up the wound. Letting out a breath of relief, she backed away as a nurse took over. Closing her eyes, she felt everything melt away for a moment as a squirming feeling coiled in her abdomen. Flinging off her gloves, she rested a hand on her abdomen and walked away. She needed a moment.

.

Standing beside Arizona who she greeted briefly, she watched as Cristina looked at the temp in the room. Teddy looked up at them and nodded. The surgery was a success.

"We saw twenty-six patients. Twenty-six victims… and we had no casualties. No one died today." Everyone tried to stifle their quiet sniffs and crying. The breathing was getting heavier and Emily settled a hand on Arizona's shoulder when Derek started laughing. Which spread to Meredith, which spread to April, Lexie and Jackson. And soon, they were all laughing. Emily leaned against the wall, laughing so hard her gut ached as the Chief shared a few quiet words with Arizona. Feeling her phone buzz against her leg, she sobered up and looked at it, frowning at the text.

 _:come to the lobby. There's someone you need to see but dont bring Callie:_

 _:why?:_

 _:im not sure she wants to see who im talking about:_ Furrowing her brow, she slipped away from the gallery and went down the stairs. Spotting her husband still in his scrubs, she walked up to him cautiously.

"What's up?" she asked, unsure. He raised his head and immediately reached a hand for her arm. Letting him pull her towards the waiting room, she sent him a confused look until she spotted a tanned woman sitting there. She was reading some magazine when she heard their footsteps. "Mark…" Emily trailed off, uncertainty laced in her tone and the woman looked up. The brunette was taken aback by the dark eyes, rich caramel skin and bright, megawatt smile that hit her right in the face.

"This is my wife, Emily Moore." The woman stood - she was just a bit shorter than Emily - and stretched out a hand.

"Hey. Wow, even prettier in real life." She sent a wink at Mark at the tease and Emily rubbed the back of her neck. "And you're a surgeon. You're a whole package deal." They even had the same slight accent as Emily shook her hand. "Dr. Sloan's told me a lot about you.'

"Who are you?"

"Aria Torres, Callie's sister. She doesn't know I'm here but I need the best of the best."

"What?"

"Your brother recommended me here after telling me that Dr. Olivier was out of the country."

"He is? Er, Noah did?" She was still struggling as Mark settled a hand on her shoulder. "Mark, I'm not even an attending. I'm sorry, Aria, but there is no way I'm not telling Callie. You're her sister-"

"She doesn't know I'm here. Please,"

"Aria-"

"She has osteosarcoma," Mark suddenly cut her off and surprised, Emily stared at Aria who didn't look away. In fact, the woman raised her head slightly as if to say she was proud she was still standing.

"Your sister is an _orthopedic_ doctor," Emily repeated but her resolve was weakening. "Aria, I'm not - I'm still learning." She took a glimpse at Mark but his head was lowered. "If you want help, you'll have to ask your sister. Because believe me, Aria—" She met the younger woman's eyes— " _she_ is the best of the best."

Mark sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "Aria, she's right."

"But-" She broke off when her eyes drifted over her shoulder. Looking over her shoulder, Emily saw Callie, her eyes wide and mouth dropped open in shock. "Oh, _great_." The attending came over slowly, gaze raking over Emily and Mark.

"Aria… what are you doing here?"

"Hey, Cal." Aria rubbed the back of her neck and smiled sheepishly. "I was just dropping by to visit." Scoffing, the woman turned to her two best friends.

"Callie-"

"You don't just 'drop by', Aria." The temperature dropped a few degrees. "Especially to visit me. I mean, the last time I called you was what, two years ago? And that was you disowning me for being gay." The silence was frosty and Callie's eyes were steely as she looked at the woman. "So, Aria, what are you doing here?" The younger Latina looked at the couple to her right desperately and Emily decided to jump in.

"She needs help." Callie sighed, looking at her student. The tanned woman seemed done with the situation.

"Really? Now you're begging me for help? How much do you need, a thousand? Two?" Before the words could become even more poisonous, Emily stopped her.

"Not that kind of help. Callie—" She looked at Mark who nodded— "she has osteosarcoma. She needs medical help."

"What?" Callie looked at her younger sister and raised her eyebrows. "How long have you known? Don't you dare lie to me, Aria."

"A month. I got scans and bloodwork and, uhm—" She fumbled with her bag. Aria took out a big, thick envelope and handed it to Callie who immediately took out the scan and held it to the light— "I know, it's bad."

"Does Mom know?"

"No. I didn't tell her because she'd freak because I'm kinda, uhm-" Aria rested her hand on her abdomen. "Anyway, it's out of wedlock and she'll freak. And, I don't have anywhere to go since my boyfriend kicked me out of his house."

"How far along?"

"A few weeks."

"Okay, no wonder Mom would freak." Callie smiled briefly at her sister before looking at the scans. The smile dropped off her face and she sighed. Sliding the scans back into the envelope, Callie offered her hand to her sister. "Come on, Aria. Let's admit you then we'll run some scans."

"What? Really?"

"Yeah. I may hate you right now but I'm a doctor and you need help. Come on." Aria beamed at her older sister and Callie allowed her mask to slip. "It's kinda good to see you though, Aria."

"You too, Cal." Emily looked at Mark who had wrapped an arm around her shoulder as the two Torres' began walking away.

"You think they'll be alright?" she asked and he kissed her hair before resting his head on hers. "Things got a little icy for a few minutes."

"Yeah, they'll be fine." He took her hand and began leading her to the resident's lounge. "Come on. Let's go home."

 **A/N: Edited - November 14, 2018**

 **Next: Aria Torres, the Sloans' baby, and Lexie and Taylor get just a bit more serious.**


	55. First Years

_I can't because I'm pregnant._

 _-Meredith Grey_

* * *

"Happy three months, baby," Mark whispered and Emily groaned, squirming in his arms.

"Mark, I wanna sleep," Emily mumbled sleepily when Mark brushed his nose against the skin near her ear. "Lemme sleep. I'm tired."

"Oh, yeah?" he murmured back and she flung an arm around him to hug him tighter. "Baby's taking a lot out of you, huh." When the brunette didn't reply, only snuggled closer, he chuckled. "Is it okay if we start telling people? Seems we're in the clear." Her hazel eyes opened sleepily and he leaned to kiss her. When her morning breath mingled with his minty one, he wrinkled his nose and she let out a whine from the back of her throat, burying her face in the covers.

"Okay. Anything for you to leave me alone so I can _sleep!_ " He nodded, kissing her forehead before looking at the time over her shoulder. His hand rubbed up and down her arm, soothing the goosebumps that rose when exposed to the air.

"Torres and I have to actually work - maybe I'll tell her then." Getting up, he felt her hand scrabble for his waist.

"No!" she groaned, rolling into his empty space as he changed his clothes. "You just came back."

"Came back from the washroom, yeah," he snorted, pecking her cheeks. Reaching out blindly, she grabbed the collar of his shirt and pressed a longer kiss to his mouth. Cupping her face, he deepened it before pulling away. "Love you, okay? Text me when you get there."

"Yes, _honey,_ " she muttered sarcastically and he made sure she was warm and covered before going out to call for Callie. Emily heard the door closed before she rolled out of the bed and dragging herself into the bathroom. Once she freshened herself up and was significantly more awake, she proceeded to change into casual sweats and go to the kitchen where a pot of coffee was there, already made.

Pouring herself a steaming hot cup in a travel mug, she set it down and pulled on her cream coat. Sipping again, she sighed before grabbing her keys and heading down to go to the hospital. The baby was taking a lot out of her, sure, but it wasn't anything she couldn't handle from her intern year.

.

"I'm going to die."

"No, you won't. It's just one day," Lexie shot back with a smile as Taylor greeted his girlfriend with a kiss to the temple before continuing on his way. Rolling their eyes at the blond trauma surgeon, the two brunettes continued to walk through the hospital, the group of first year med students trailing behind them. Emily herself wasn't even in her scrubs, adjusting her bag on her shoulder as she walked beside the younger Grey.

"One day too many, Lex," Emily sighed, brushing a curl behind her ear. Her hair was up in a messy bun because she was too lazy to do anything else as they finally found the Chief who jerked his head towards the main nurse's station. "The time of my life, sis. Good morning, Chief."

"Right. Now get over there." Lexie shoved her gently towards the congregating residents and with a faux-foul glare, she sidled in next to April who greeted her with a cheerful good morning. Offering a smile in return, she rubbed at her eyes.

"Morning, Red." She stretched, feeling the clack of her shoulders and watching the mass of med students slowly come into view. The Chief offered them all a good morning.

"Behind me stand the interns and residents of tomorrow. Today you will show them what it's like to be a surgeon. When you go into surgery, they go into surgery. When they have a question, you will answer."

"It's like taking court-ordered community service."

"I'd rather be picking up trash off the side of the highway." Lexie watched her sister with a raised eyebrow, easily guessing what Meredith was saying.

Lexie began calling off names and Emily subtly took out her phone to inform Mark that she was now in the building. Slipping her phone back into the pocket it usually inhabited, she listened with half-interest, playing with the ring around her finger and watching the med students gaze at the older residents in slight fear.

"... you're with Dr. Karev. Edward Taylor, Dr. Avery. Kim Peterson, Dr. Moore…" Hearing her name, she raised a hand as a dark-haired woman poked her head out from behind Edward Taylor. Sending the woman a smile, she adjusted her bag as Lexie began to list off the next group of med students. The woman did not smile back, only seemed to rake her gaze up and down before backing away.

"Hello, I'm Dr. Emily Moore," she offered a hand to the woman who ignored it. Trying not to let it phase her, she sighed internally but said, "How are you?"

"You're the doctor I'm assigned to? You're not even in scrubs."

"Which is why we're going to the change room first before rounds," Emily said pithily. April and her student came up with a charts and Emily watched Kim take it. "Thanks, Dr. Kepner."

"No problem, Dr. Moore," she replied cheerfully and the brunette rolled her eyes. "Hudson Powell, this is Dr. Moore, one of the-"

"I will be picking our Chief Resident in a few months…" Chief announced before resuming his conversation with Cristina. All the residents raised their heads as April's dark eyes widened.

"The race for Chief Resident is on?"

"Since when?"

"Uh, how long have you been evaluating us?"

"Since your first day here." The Chief's self-satisfied smile had all of them burning. He swept his gaze over the residents before turning to leave. Emily rubbed her temple as April's mouth fell open.

"We've gotta go." Snapping her fingers, Emily got the attention of Kim again. "Looks like we're on the same case, Red, so I'll meet you there." Turning, she walked to the resident's lounge where she quickly went to her cubby. Telling Kim to just stay put, she put her stuff into the cubby. Changing into her scrubs quickly, she pulled on her lab coat and made sure her pens and notepads were intact before exiting. "Okay, chart. Did you read it over?"

It was placed in her hands as Kim just shrugged. Feeling irritation flash through her, Emily lead the way to the elevator.

"We're with Dr. Sloan today. Plastics and in the peds ward. Sarah Cassidy, fifteen, has Treacher Collin's syndrome," she recited and Emily bit her tongue to say something rude.

Still, she asked, "Meaning?" The word came out so easily that she felt as if she were having an intern follower again. There was a silence on the other side and she cast a glance at the med student. "Treacher Collin's syndrome is an autosomal dominant congenital disorder characterized by craniofacial deformities."

"The typical physical deformities include downward-slanting eyes, micrognathia, conductive hearing loss, underdeveloped… zygomatic bones, drooping part of the lateral lower eyelids, and malformed or absent ears but they're differ between each patient. This can cause difficulties with hearing, seeing and breathing," Kim Peterson finished, eyes sparking. "Learnt that, like, last month."

The elevator doors finally opened and they stepped on. Everyone else was already there, including Arizona, April, and Mark. "Dr. Robbins, Dr. Sloan—" She nodded— "this is Kim Peterson."

"Hello," her husband greeted as the woman went on before dragging his gaze to his wife. "Hey."

"Hi,"

"Hello." Arizona beamed but Emily found it hard to smile at the blonde who broke Callie's heart.

"Mark, is Aria settling down okay?" She got on the elevator which closed behind her and sidled in behind April. The redhead was jotting down in her notebook as Mark turned to talk to her.

"Yeah. We can swing by later today. She's getting an ultrasound and then we have to talk to Callie about her treatment plan."

"Alright. Ten o'clock, if we're lucky, then." He nodded, giving her that warm stare that filled her up inside.

"Yeah, ten o'clock."

.

As they exited the room, Emily was thinking of multiple ways to try and shorten the healing time. "Digging into her skull will tack on an extra year of healing, you know?" Arizona took out her pen as they approached the nurse's station. Hands in her pockets, Emily bit her lip, trying to remember the name of that paper Mark was reading about just last night. Something to do with regenerative medicine…

"Well, maybe she'll play in a couple of years, then."

"Well, did you consider the stem cell-" Mark began and she suddenly remembered, beaming.

"-surgery they did in in Cincinnati using a cadaver bone graft. That's what it was!" she exclaimed and Mark snorted in amusement. Arizona gave her a doubtful look but with Mark's reassuring nod, she continued, "I know it's experimental - hell, he even said that last night but we both think it's worth considering given how young she is."

"I think—" Her blue eyes met Mark's blues before landing on Emily's hazel— " _given how young she is,_ it's best to be conservative. I'll see you in surgery." With that, the peds surgeon turned around and flounced away.

"No flaws, my ass," Mark muttered and Emily patted his arm before putting the chart away. "I need the four of you to gather all the information you can on this stem cell surgery and compile it into a slide show. No matter what, Dr. Robbins is going with this surgery." There were nods as April led her student to the library.

"Kim, can you go with them?" Emily asked and the woman, who was staring quite obviously at her husband, snapped out of it. Following the redhead, Emily didn't miss the looks over the shoulder. "So… can you stop being so good looking?" she asked, walking slowly over to her husband. With a shrug, he rubbed her arms.

"Why?"

"I think my med student wants to jump you in an on-call room," she said bluntly and he laughed, kissing her mouth before kissing her neck casually. Smiling, she pecked his cheek back before hugging his neck tightly. "But I only get that privilege."

"Yeah, you do," he affirmed, leaning down for a deeper kiss this time.

"I told you the beard works wonders," she mumbled against his lips.

"And you're right." Pulling away with a sigh, he gazed down at her. "Now, go. I actually need that info." She nodded and pecked his lips one last time before heading after April.

.

"Stop staring," Hudson whispered as Kim sighed, dragging her gaze back to her friend. "Lady," he began when she just merely glanced at him before looking inconspicuously from behind her book, "you're crazy."

"But he's so handsome," Kim sighed, "and I'm hot. Hotter than my resident and he's all over her." Dr. Sloan was leaning on a counter, talking to her resident. The bright smile never seemed to fall off his face even by a millimeter as he laughed. "God." Dr. Moore ran a hand through her curls as she tilted her head at him.

"She's badass. Did you see her on Seattle Med? She saved a guy during the shooting."

"Yeah, yeah, but still." Kim rolled her eyes before glancing above her book again. "Ugh! Disgusting." Hudson squinted as Dr. Sloan leaned down to listen to something Dr. Moore was saying. Her hand was pressed against his abdomen and thoughtful frowns were on their faces. "I'm going to go talk to him. Make my move." She was about to push herself up but Hudson wrapped a hand around her wrist.

"Are you crazy?" he hissed and she shrugged him off. Standing, she closed her book and cleared her throat.

"Confident."

"Kim!" Ignoring him, she approached the tall man and shorter brunette.

"Kim." Dr. Moore gave her a smile and Kim ignored it in favor of smiling at Dr. Sloan. "Do you have a question?"

"Yeah. See, this stem cell surgery… why is it better than what Dr. Robbins proposed?" she asked and Dr. Sloan's smile shrunk. _Damn, I've got to switch tactics._ "I want to help you as much as I can."

"I'll be right back. I have an idea to share with Dr. Kepner," Dr. Moore whispered to her superior, slipping away towards Hudson. Her hand played around her neck but Kim payed her no mind as the brunette doctor left the scene.

"As stated before, it'll greatly reduce her recovery time. She wants to play volleyball, we're going to try and do that." He shrugged as if no big deal and a smile pulled at her lips.

"That's very considerate. But, isn't this a bit risky?"

"Like Dr. Moore said, given her age, we have a bit of leeway. As long as her family agrees, then we'll proceed when Dr. Robbins finally gets it through her head." Despite the comment, it was said with fond amusement. "Em!" he called and Kim scowled, turning around as the older woman returned from talking to Hudson's resident. The redhead was stifling a laugh as she read her book and Dr. Moore was trying to contain her own smile.

"Hey. Sorry, Red had a thought." The woman's smile became full blown, her eyes crinkling. "I'm heading for coffee. Want anything?"

"You know, the usual." He made a move for his wallet but she shook her head.

"You don't have to pay for everything anymore." _What does that mean?_ Kim had a nagging feeling in her gut that she had tread into uncharted waters full of sharks and eels and other scary stuff in the ocean. Dr. Sloan paused and Dr. Moore sent him a fond smile.

"Old habits die hard." Chuckling to herself, she tucked a curl behind her ear. "Just meet me back here. We'll be starting the powerpoint in a bit." Leaning down to peck her lips, he grinned.

"I'll be back in a few. Kim, if you could just wait here…" The med student was completely paralyzed the moment they kissed but managed a robotic nod.

"Do you have any other questions?" Dr. Sloan inquired not unkindly. Kim's throat constricted as Dr. Moore left the library.

 _Hudson was right. Why do I never listen?_ Kim bemoaned in her head. "Nope, thanks for answering, Dr. Sloan."

"We have to meet up with Dr. Robbins again in thirty minutes or so, so we have to actually start on the slides. Go meet up with Dr. Kepner." Nodding to herself, the med student walked back to a snickering Hudson.

"Shut up," she muttered under her breath, collapsing into a chair and burying her face into her arms. "They're married. Or dating, or something."

"Married." Behind them, Dr. Kepner appeared with a slight smile. She carried textbooks which she let slap against the wooden table. "They got married. Now, if you aren't too busy ogling Dr. Sloan, we have a power point to put together."

.

When Mark grabbed the permanent marker next to her thigh from where she was sitting, it took a moment for what just happened to register in her head. She watched as he uncapped it and grabbed the med student, turned him around and lowered it. He was ready.

But then she realized what was wrong and she grabbed his arm with a smile. "That's permanent marker, Mark." She threw him sticky notes that he stuck to the bald man's head. "You're welcome." Hudson looked thankful as Mark rolled his eyes playfully. "Continue, Dr. Sloan."

" _Thank you,_ Dr. Sloan." Scoffing, she crossed her arms as Mark continued to explain the pros and cons of the stem cell surgery.

.

"Why is my baby gonna be poo-covered?" Emily sat down beside Meredith as the blonde asked this. Lexie had a hint of a smile that disappeared as soon as she looked at the table diagonal to her.

"Okay, what is that about?" They all looked in synchronization at Alex who was teaching his med student how to do stitches. Jackson cracked open his water bottle as Emily brought a cube of watermelon to her mouth.

"Come on. You blame him? She's hot."

"Don't be a pig. He's being gross, not to mention unprofessional." Meredith raised her eyebrows, glancing briefly at the redhead.

"Well, the thong is unprofessional." Jackson raised his head, hoping it wasn't true and Emily choked slightly when she saw that Meredith's blunt sentence was, in fact, honest. He threw his fork down onto his plate with a curse and April glared at him.

"That's disgusting."

" _Unprofessional._ Wh-what is wrong with them? I was never that dumb when I was in med school."

"They're weak and gutless," Cristina scoffed, giving them another look over.

"Boy crazy."

"Oblivious."

"Slutty."

"Wow—" Lexie brought her soda up, the straw nearly touching her lips— "you all sound really old." Slurping on her soda, Lexie watched as Alex prepared another suture for his med student. All the residents looked at their younger companion in offence as Emily glanced at her friends. She cleared her throat.

"Well, with being old comes… things," she began awkwardly. The other residents looked at her and she glanced to her watermelon. "Like families, and babies, and you guys are my family."

"Is there a reason why you're being a sap?" Cristina started and Emily shot her an offended look. "I mean, I'm all for the 'we're a family' crap but we don't talk about our feelings."

"I'm trying to tell you I'm pregnant and you're ruining it, Cristina," Emily exclaimed only to realize what she said. Jackson dropped his fork and Lexie choked on her soda as Meredith turned to her, eyes wide. "I'm… I'm pregnant. And you guys are my family and I wanted you to know." Jackson stood up, hands running over his head as he walked away before coming back. Cristina's mouth dropped open as Meredith brought her into a hug.

"Congratulations!" Emily laughed before pulling back, smile fading. "Don't do that. You got pregnant and I'm so happy for you. That has nothing to do with me." The brunette released a sigh, slouching against her friend before Lexie joined in on the hug.

"You're having a baby?"

"I'm having a baby." April let out an excited squeal and clapped, unable to form a coherent sentence as Jackson picked her up in a giant hug. " _We're_ having a baby, guys." The giant smile on Emily's face ached as her friends began to discuss baby names before her. She knew, without a doubt, that her baby would have people.

.

"So, Jackson, April, Mer, Lex, and Cristina know," she listed to Mark as they scrubbed into surgery. "Does Derek know?"

"Not yet. He has surgery with this dude who got trampled by a horse."

"Callie's having a field day with that, I bet." He pressed his mask against her cheek, drying his hands and walking into the O.R.

.

Surgery a success, she walked to the ortho wing to Aria's room and sent the Latina a smile. The woman was resting on the bed to cover the pain that probably spiked whenever she moved. "Rough day?" she asked, walking in as Aria shrugged.

"Had some scans. Cal's probably gonna come around sooner or later." The younger Torres closed her magazine and sat up as the doctor pulled up a chair. She still had such a flat stomach. When Aria caught Emily staring, she smiled albeit sadly. "The dad's not even in the picture. Would've stayed for the baby if the bone cancer didn't show up one day."

"Sucks," she mumbled. "But you have a sister."

"Had. She wasn't kidding when I disowned her. She's… she's still mad, even if she won't admit it." Emily grimaced, watching the woman shift uncomfortably. "I didn't even want to do it, y'know? But my mom was so adamant and I didn't even talk to her. I thought we could work things out."

"Yeah, maybe you should've called," Emily agreed quietly as Aria leaned back with a sigh. "So you're her _half-_ sister."

"Yeah. Same mom, different dad. Probably why at reunions Callie is 'Daddy's little girl'. Carlos doesn't even like to think that I exist."

"It's hard to accept that your wife cheated on you," the brunette replied shortly. "That you have a child and they still went ahead and did it."

Aria was a quiet for a moment and Emily stared into her lap. "Callie was the first one. She accepted me. Not without a long time of silence, but still. She took care of me. It's hard to be the reason a family split up."

"Yeah." Someone cleared their throat behind them. Looking over her shoulder, she saw Callie with a manila folder. Taking out the scans, her jaw was clenched. Aria raised her chin defiantly, trying to put on a brave face.

"Callie, tell me."

"The osteosarcoma—" Immediately, Emily could hear the doctor tone her mentor was using— "is seeded deep into your bones. Immediately scheduling for an amputation is recommended."

"What? But the baby-" Aria cut herself off as Callie continued, a sympathetic expression across her face.

"The baby... " Callie sighed, sitting down on the bed near her sister's foot, "the baby won't survive this. You need to give it up."

"No!" Aria immediately shouted, sitting ramrod straight. "I'm not giving up this baby."

"Aria!"

"No! Callie, you don't get it. I'm not flushing this baby out of me. It deserves better." Emily glanced at her, watching the orthopedic surgeon stay stock still. She knew that Callie wanted kids badly. Her sister didn't seem to share the same want but yet she wouldn't get rid of it.

"Aria, it's either the baby or your life."

"No. It's either we find out another way to treat this or I'm finding another doctor." There was a stony silence where Callie didn't say anything. Emily met the woman's dark eyes and when the Latina jerked her head sharply to the door, Emily stood and followed her out. Leaning against the wall, the brunette waited until Callie closed the door before walking to the nurse's station.

"How bad?"

"Just the fibula and it's confined to the lower half. It's in there deep - we need aggressive treatment."

"But can you really blame her for wanting to keep the baby?" Emily argued, "We can figure something out, right?"

"Since when were you buddy-buddy with her?" Callie rubbed her temple, eyes closing and leaning on the counter. Arizona's presence was clearly taking the toll on the woman's temper. "She's being an idiot."

" _Hey!_ She is being a mom. Putting her baby first is a telltale sign." Callie raised her head to look at her student incredulously, "I should know because I always put mine first." A hand on her abdomen and a small smile had Callie staring at her in shock. "I'm pregnant, Callie."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, seriously." Emily grinned and Callie picked her up, swinging her around as the brunette let out a shriek. "Put me down!"

"Oh, my god! I'm so happy for you." She beamed and Emily, flushed and happy, shrugged. "How long have you been keeping it from me? I _live_ with you guys, for God's sake!"

"It's thirteen weeks, right now. And… yeah. Uhm, Mark calls it a mighty oak in my uterus but I just think that we'll have a son or daughter in about six months. You better be prepared."

"You know I am."

.

Emily was lying in bed with Lexie and Alex, staring at the ceiling in silence.

"I have this Chief Resident thing in the bag." Alex said, arms crossed. "Shepherd's got me on his clinical trial."

"Nah. I have three attendings on my side. Callie, Arizona, Mark. Could have a recommendation from Harper Avery, too," Emily added teasingly and Lexie laughed softly. "Hey, you know the tweets from Bailey?"

"Yeah?"

"What's her handle?" Alex asked.

"M_Bailey06," Emily answered, resting her hands on the small bump. Yawning, she closed her eyes as Alex growled out a yawn. "The baby wants a milkshake."

"Flavour?" Lexie asked, eyes closed too. They were all exhausted. "I'll text… Jackson or something."

"Wait, what do you mean, baby?" Alex stared at her, shocked.

"Since you were too busy with your med student, you haven't been caught up, but you know, Mark knocked me up and I'm having a baby." Lexie took out her phone, texting Jackson and asking again for the flavour. "Vanilla's fine. Alex—" She looked over to see his dumbfounded expression still sitting on his face. Smiling, she stared back at the ceiling and closed her eyes. "Do you want anything?"

"I need a beer." He sat up, staring at the two women he was in between. "Lex, want one?"

"Nah. Taylor has some at his place." Emily opened her eyes and when she met the Grey's sparkling ones, she raised an eyebrow. "I'm moving in with him. Tonight's my last night here." Emily held out a hand for Lexie to hold and she took it.

"Congratulations. You guys seem happy."

"We are. And so are you."

.

Moaning, Emily closed her eyes as Mark's hands kneaded out a knot in her back. Hugging a pillow underneath her cheek.

"You're tense here. Okay, hold on tight." Her lips pressed together and her eyebrows furrowed as his palms caught a particular part of the muscle. He removed his warm hands from her back, squirting oil onto his hands before returning to massaging her back. "There we go. Take a deep breath. Relax."

"That's amazing…" she mumbled and he laughed, setting his hands on her hips and leaning over to kiss her neck. "You're an amazing husband." His hands traced the curves of her body, setting himself against her. Her soft smile pressed against his skin as their mouths fit together. Rolling over, her legs bracketed his hips. Giggling against his mouth, she pushed his boxers off with her feet just as he put the oil on the countertop. "Mmm, but I want food. I'm hungry."

"Em," he groaned and she pulled away, pouting. Her eyes widened and her pout fell away to a full frown when he just stared at her. "Em, you can't be serious."

"Mark, I'm really hungry and I don't want sex when I'm hungry." Her breath hitched and her nose scrunched up. Her eyes closed and he sighed, forehead pressing against hers.

"What are you craving?" Her hands came to the side of his neck and she kissed him, giggling slightly before sniffing.

"Mexican."

"You hate mexican food. It makes you backed up and gives you stomach aches." She glared at him, eyes narrowed as tears escaped from the corner of her eyes.

"I can't help it. I want mexican food." She swallowed to stop herself from crying. He sighed, getting off her and pulling on his pants. She sat up and wiped at her face as he grabbed a black shirt. "I'm hormonal. I'm so sorry."

"You're pregnant with my kid. You get to be as hormonal as you want," he whispered, pressing one last kiss to her mouth before grabbing his keys and going to get dinner.

 **A/N: Edited - November 18, 2018**

 **Next: Aria camps out on the exam table.**


	56. Finding a Way

_I am a hormone casserole!_

 _-Callie Torres_

* * *

"Wasn't our appointment scheduled at 1:40?" Emily asked, barging into an O.B. room, "It's only 1:15." Aria was sitting there, arms crossed and hair tied up in a lazy bun. Callie was already in there with Mark, Arizona and another blonde sitting in the doctor's stool. "Oh. What happened?"

"I might be miscarrying."

"Aria, you're not miscarrying," Callie sighed, leaning on the back of the exam table as Mark rubbed his face.

"It's an ectopic pregnancy," Aria suggested and the blonde shook her head, snapping on a pair of gloves.

"Could it be a blighted ovum?" Emily asked, standing beside Mark who kissed her hair.

"It's not a molar pregnancy, is it?"

"Aria, do you have celiac and fail to mention it to me?" The older Torres looked at her sister who shook her head. Worry was etched identically on both their faces.

"Wow. We got a lot of doctors in the room," the blonde remarked, twisting so she was in between the woman's legs. Callie stood up straight as Arizona sighed.

"Before you even touch my sister, who are you, what are your credentials and what are you about to do?"

"Lucy Fields, Harvard M.D., duke OB-GYN resident, now maternal-fetal medicine fellow at Seattle Grace Mercy West." The blonde paused with a smile, "Damn good at my job. Who the hell are you?"

"Calliope Torres, Botswana Peace Corps, now orthopedic attending at Seattle Grace Mercy West." When Lucy turned her gaze to the other two, Emily smiled awkwardly.

"We had, uh, an appointment later today. But we're still… related to the situation. Kind of. He… uh paged me." Pointing at Mark, she saw his mouth drop open as Arizona hid her smile by staring at the floor.

"Lesbian lover, manwhore best friend I used to sleep with, his wife," Callie supplied and everyone flushed as Lucy raised her eyebrows. "This is my sister who showed up after she disowned me. We all don't know how to feel."

"Ah, so everyone's a bit wigged out." She turned the monitor so Aria could see before letting out a sigh, "Look, there's your baby. There's the yolk sac. Looks good. You're good." Aria jutted out her bottom lip in stubbornness. "It's probably fine."

"But there's no heartbeat. Shouldn't there be a heartbeat? What if my baby's dead?"

"Oh, well, it's probably too early for that. I'll do blood work but I'm pretty sure everything's okay. Just take it easy for the next few days, drink a lot of water, no tampons, no intercourse. Uh, call me if the bleeding gets worse or if you experience pain. In the meantime, live your life while you still can." Standing, Lucy took off her gloves and nodded at Aria before glancing at Emily. "And I'll see you soon."

.

After catching up on Bailey's surgery, she slid her phone back into her pocket. The exam had been cancelled - Aria was still camping out on the exam table and Dr. Fields had said that it wasn't even necessary. Looking at Aria's scans, she looked at her notes. Neoadjuvant chemo was out of the question - any chemo was, really. She was in her first trimester, things had a high chance of going wrong.

"Think of anything?" Mark asked and she turned around. The hallway was much brighter than the dark room she was in and she blinked, trying to get used to it. He walked in, a hint of a smile on his face as she sighed. Crossing her arms, she shook her head and chewed on her lip.

"No." Rubbing her arms, he kissed her forehead and grimaced at the scans as well.

"You two will think of something. You're like Ortho Goddesses." Turning to the scans again, she just let herself be lost in thought as he wrapped her in a hug from behind and pressed a kiss to her neck and behind her ear. "You'll think of something," he repeated, looking at the scans too. "Amputation?"

"High risk of cancer coming back."

"Chemo-"

"Wants to keep the baby." Feeling frustrated, she felt tears spring at her eyes and clenched her fist. "Not gonna cry, not gonna cry, not gonna cry," she whispered to herself. Angry tears leaked out of her eyes as Mark hugged her tighter.

"Are you crying?"

"I just feel really useless right now," she whispered, voice thick and he nodded. "I feel… like I can't do anything. I don't feel like a doctor."

"Hey, you'll figure it out, okay? Shh," he murmured near her ear, rocking her back and forth as she twisted around and squeezed him close. "Okay, okay. I can't breathe," he gasped dramatically but she didn't let go. "You'll find a way."

"Thank you." She pulled back and wiped at her eyes as their pagers blared. It was a 911 from the room Aria was in. Sharing a wide-eyed look, the two surgeons bolted out of the room and up the stairwell in record time as they nearly crashed into patients and nurses. Lungs heaving, Emily kept going as Mark trailed behind. Her times of running were not yet behind her as she reached the room first and swung in.

"Is she okay? What happened?"

They had to get cultures and the most powerful ultrasound the hospital had when Aria, a mess of hormones, started bawling her eyes out, rambling about how she messed everything up - she couldn't mess up this baby too.

.

"What is that?" Emily scrunched up her nose as Arizona poured the goo into a cup. "Oh, my god. Theresa is already telling me to mix celery and apple with kale for some 'delicious' smoothie."

"Well, she's right. This will provide the baby with nutrients." Mark sipped on his coffee and she looked at him jealously. "Ugh, I'm going to Mer's." Heading for the door, she felt Callie wrap her hand around her wrist. Dark bags were under her eyes and it was clear the ortho surgeon had been up all night thinking of a way to treat her sister.

"I'll drive you," was all the woman said and together, they made their way to the garage. Callie sighed, ignited the engine and Emily couldn't help her concern.

"Are you alright?" she asked after a moment. Callie's knuckles were blanching as they gripped the wheel. "Callie-"

"No, of course I'm not alright!" Callie yelled, making the brunette flinch. "My baby sister turns up pregnant and with cancer after she _disowned_ me and I'm supposed to help her. How am I supposed to turn her away? I _can't_ treat this! She wants to keep the baby and put her up for adoption. Did I tell you that?" The Latina turned her miserable gaze onto her student, "Arizona's back and she says she wants to stay. She says she's going to stay but the last time she said that, she left.."

"No…"

"She doesn't want a kid." By now, all the stress and frustration was pouring out in tears. Emily couldn't tell if she was talking about her sister or Arizona. "I do. I really do and I don't know if I can handle her leaving _again,_ "

"Let's drive, Callie." Emily cleared her throat, trying to distract her. "Arizona said coffee isn't good for me. Listed a whole bunch of side effects and now Mark's banned me from coffee." Sighing, she felt the car jolt as Callie drove to Meredith's house.

"Mhm,"

"I'm having the worst withdrawal of my life."

"Yeah." There was a silence for a long time, "Aria's my little sister. If I shun her, it'll be like what she did. And how can you make someone feel so awful?"

"What if we just amputate the leg? No chemo after - it's only a chance of returning."

"A high one."

"Better than nothing. Should it be an option?" Callie shook her head.

"This might not even fix it. I won't cut off my sister's leg when there's no point."

"There is a point. Callie, if we cut the leg, we can buy her the weeks she needs to get to the second trimester. The cancer might not even come back." She knew they were good points - Mark had agreed last night as they laid in their bed, sweaty and naked. Of course, that could've been a way to prevent her from crying again but she knew by the earnest light in his eyes that it wasn't. "It's either that or we turn her away."

"We'll take new scans." That was a start.

"Thank you. And Callie—" The Latina took her eyes off the road when the stop light was red— "I'm just trying to help."

"I know."

.

Callie agreed to the amputation and now the next thing was to approach the idea with Aria.

"Do you have an idea?" the woman asked on the bed and Callie nodded, turning to Emily.

"Yes. Dr. Moore?"

"A below-the-knee amputation. Since you're only four to five weeks away from the second trimester, we're hoping this will give us time for you to develop your baby and then your ortho oncologist will begin your treatment on chemotherapy."

"Amputation? Like, chop off my leg." Aria looked towards her sister who uncrossed her arms and sighed. " _Hope_? So the cancer might come back anyway."

"Yes, but it's our best shot."

"No."

"Aria-"

"There's no way I am chopping off my leg. Or, letting you guys chop off my leg." Emily sighed, clicking her pen.

"Then we start chemo but that means your baby will die. Aria, you are backed in a corner and coming from your sister, I think this is our best shot at saving both of you." Callie sat on the edge of her sister's bed. "I'm not shutting you out, but you aren't making it easy. Please,"

"I know an amputation is a big change-"Emily began only for Aria to pin her with a glower. Undaunted, she was about to continue when the patient cut her off.

"Damn right it is! That's my leg!"

"-but prosthetics are advanced. You'll be able to walk and do everything you normally do."

"No! We have to find another way."

"Let's just… think about it." Callie stood, refusing to look at her sister as Aria trained her gaze on her. "I'll come back in a bit and you can give me your answer then, alright?"

"Callie, I want to keep my leg."

"I know, Ari, but we have to compromise." With that, the attending walked out of the room. Waiting until her mentor was completely gone, she approached Aria. The young Latina grabbed a magazine, ripping it open with more force than it could withstand. A page tore and Emily gently pushed the magazine away from Aria's face.

"Think about it. Long and hard. It's either your life or the baby's. No one else will take this risk and she's only doing it because she's your sister." With that, Emily left, pocketing her pen as she went.

.

"An amnio? Why can't we do an amnio?" Emily demanded as the two walked through the hospital. She triumphantly held a cup of coffee after having argued with Mark over it the night before.

"They come with their own risks and you're young. You're in good shape." He eyed her ass as if to prove her point and she rolled her eyes. "There's no point."

"Better safe than sorry."

"No. It's a big needle in your uterus. I don't like it," he said, "and that's final. I have surgery." Stopping, she flung her arms to the side in exasperation.

"Mark! You come back here." He didn't stop until he was around the corner as Cristina came up to her.

"Having trouble with McSteamy?"

"Oh, that's an old one." Emily pretended to wince, "Brings back the times." She walked with her friend to the cafeteria. "You'd think he would listen to the human incubator."

"Yeah, I heard him. Daddy's _mad,_ " Cristina sang and Emily snorted in laughter, smacking her. "Daddy Sloan is making a bunch of tiny Sloans and you're his human incubator."

"Haha, I am laughing," she said in the flattest voice she could muster. "You're glad I'm happy. Admit it." She wiggled her hips towards her as Owen walked past them. He greeted his wife and her friend before continuing.

"Yay. Sloans are happy, I'm jumping with joy." Cristina pumped her fist in fake enthusiasm.

"So, amnio or no? I'm saying yeah. I should get a special vote."

"Yeah. You're pushing a watermelon out of your vagina. An amnio isn't even that bad. I think your husband's just scared of needles."

"Me too. It's truly unfortunate he's a doctor."

"Yes. Yes, it is."

.

"Mrs. Webber is in the hospital?"

"Mm, yeah." He bit into his apple, refusing to look at her. Her grip on her cup tightened, the plastic bending.

"Is she okay?" she pursued and he shook her off. "Mark! Is it really about that amnio?" Scowling, she turned away to see Alex and Meredith eating already. Cristina was just getting up and the two friends exchanged greetings before the cardio savant left the cafeteria. Meredith squinted at her as she continued to rant underneath her breath. When Emily noticed, she asked, "Are you still blind?"

"She is." Alex stole another fry from Meredith's plate. "The hot O.B. doesn't believe that you're blind so if you could talk to her, maybe she'll believe it."

"Whatever." Alex smirked before wiggling his eyebrows, and getting up. Emily avoided Meredith's eyes, sipping on her soda with a loud slurp.

Suddenly, Mark sat across from her and the two spouses stared off while Meredith ate her fries in between. His face was dark and she stared flatly at him, face emotionless. "There's a chance of miscarriage."

"It's lower with the O.B.s we have."

"It's a risk no matter who does it," pointed out the man and she clenched her jaw. Leaning back into her chair, she set the soda onto the table and glared at him eating his stupid apple.

"Well, it's my choice. I'm the incubator."

"I get a say."

"My body, my rules!" Mark sighed, grabbing a napkin and wrapping it around his apple core. "Look, it doesn't even matter. I've considered your opinion, and my choice is made. Okay?"

"Grey-" Meredith looked up at her name and the brunette surgeon held up a hand.

"No! You don't get to bring in third parties or I'll bring in Arizona."

"This isn't a joke! I'm a parent!" For some reason, his guttural voice completely hit her in her core and when their eyes met, Meredith from where she sat saw the sparks between them. It was disgusting.

"Well, Daddy seems _mad._ " Emily knew she was testing him, smiling coyly as he shot up with narrowed eyes. "You know, maybe we can talk about after my nap, you know? Because I'm tired, carrying a baby." Getting the idea, a dark grin etched itself onto Mark's face as Emily winked at Meredith. "Bye, Mer. Super tired."

"Yeah, I'm sure you are." The blonde squinted after them as Mark grabbed his wife's hand and pulled her into the closest on-call room.

.

"We're getting an amnio," Emily murmured as Mark kissed her beginning bulge. She smiled tenderly, patting his head as he continued to brush his lips against her abdomen. "I considered what you thought. I considered everything you said, and I still want an amnio." His eyes met hers and he smiled slightly, nuzzling her skin.

"Okay." He returned to snuggling against her middle and she sighed, running her hands through his hair. "As long as my side was considered."

"You're the dad. Your side will always be considered," she whispered and she felt his smile against her stomach. Something warm filled her up as she laid down flat, staring up at the ceiling. She was content as could be, lying in a bed with her husband. The man she'd spend the rest of her life with.

 **A/N: Edited - November 21, 2018**

 **Next: Kicks and a visit.**


	57. It's How We Operate

_Sloans are unusually fertile._

 _-Mark Sloan_

* * *

"Jackson! Jackson, are you in here?" April screamed, entering the bathroom after a few knocks. The man poked his head out of the shower, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah, what do you want?"

"Stark just asked me out." The redhead rambled, laughing shakily, "Is that not the weirdest thing you've ever heard?" Brows knitting together, he looked at his best friend like she grew a second head as he slowly digested it.

"One of the weirdest," he admitted as she began pacing.

"Yeah, yeah, it's weird, it's weird, it's weird."

"Isn't he a total douche?"

"There is a nice man under there - under all that old and mean exterior. He's like the Grinch. The Grinch asked me to dinner and I said yes." Jackson's jaw dropped to the floor.

" _You said yes?_ " He exclaimed in utter disbelief. "Are you crazy?" April kept laughing. _Oh, my god, she's crazy._ "You said yes?"

"Yeah." Blinking, he tried to process the info as she looked around. "Can I pee real quick?"

"Okay, you can't just spring this on me and then change the subject!" April threatened to pull down her pants and Jackson groaned, going back into the shower. "Ugh! Just hurry up."

.

"You are the classic example of failing up. How can you look at someone and a baby appears?"

"Sloans are unusually fertile." He shrugged and looked at his best friend who cracked into a smile. "I'm happy, Derek."

"It's been a long time coming." He stood and hugged Mark who clapped him on the back. "I'm happy for you. You deserve each other. Have you found out boy or girl?"

"She wants it as a surprise." Snorting, the neurosurgeon shook his head. "Don't worry. If it's a boy, you'll know it."

"Oh, yeah, I bet," Derek said drily and Mark pretended to be offended. "What? I was agreeing."

.

Lexie stormed into their room, turning to look at Taylor who followed after her, his jaw clenched. "No, I can't. Moving in… this was a big step in itself. I'm only in my third year - I can't."

"Is this going to be a problem all our relationship? You're scared of commitment. I get it, alright? Your mom died, your dad became an alcoholic and your sister bailed. But I won't leave, okay?" the blond pleaded, coming up to his girlfriend who placed her hands to her head, pacing back and forth.

"That's not my problem. My problem is, you want something I can't give you. I'm only twenty-seven, Taylor. I'm still a kid!"

"And I'm not asking for it now," he said, "I'm saying, somewhere down the road, do you see a future for us?" His eyes narrowed on hers and she swallowed, sitting down on the bed. "See, I'm not a kid anymore, Lex. I'm not the kid who just came out of the army. I'm in love with you, I am, but I want to know if you are too."

"Of course I am, but I have to finish my residency, then my fellowship and establish a practice. I'm too busy."

"So you don't see a future with me. Ever." God, they've had the same argument for the past three weeks. Ever since Lexie had been rambling about Em's pregnancy and Taylor realizing that everyone was moving on without him.

"That's not what I said!"

"Then what the hell are you saying?"

"You're being childish, Taylor. I'm not having this argument with you." Lexie cut the air with her arm, like she was slicing whatever words were coming through his mouth until he didn't have anything left to say.

"Lex-"

"What's wrong with my dreams too?" she asked quietly and he looked away. "I want a family with you but I love my job _._ Taylor,"

"Nothing's wrong, okay? I can wait." A strained smile as she sat down on the bed. Leaning over, he pecked her on the lips before heading to the door. "I, I'm going to go out. I'll see you tomorrow - we can both think this over."

"Yeah. Goodnight, Taylor."

"Goodnight, Lex. Sweet dreams."

.

"Hey, why're you here early?" Emily asked, pulling her hair out of its twist.

"What're you doing here? You're pregnant," Taylor replied casually as the brunette erased the surgery she had just finished from the board.

"That doesn't mean I can't have a date night with my husband. Palatoplasty," she said as Taylor ran a hand through his hair. "So, why are you here?"

"When did you know you wanted kids?" he asked and she blinked at him. "Wrong time?"

"Uh, no, it's fine. I just need to process that." She paused, waving for him to follow. "Why do you ask?" Shoving her hands in her pockets, Emily glanced at Taylor as they walked down the hallway.

"Lexie,"

"Ah."

"So, how did you know?" She wrung out her hands, shrugging.

"It just felt right with Mark. Like I never wanted a kid with anyone else before. So, even though it was an accident, it was perfect. I don't know how you know, you just do. And it might not feel right at first, but you can come around."

"I see. How's the little sucker? Boy or girl?"

"Uhm, don't know. I want it to be a surprise." Taylor made a sound of amusement as Emily shrugged. "Definitely has the dad's genes though. Likes to fight with me on the stupidest things. Didn't like lasagna yesterday."

"Mark doesn't like lasagna?" he asked, outraged and she laughed. "Blasphemy."

"It's fine. I've never minded before." The hazel-eyed woman rolled her shoulders and found the blond noticeably silent. "Something wrong?"

"Lexie." She hummed, a sound that she wanted him to expand on that. "Lexie and I have dreams."

"As all us humans do."

"I want a family." There was the problem. "She doesn't. At least, not now. And not in the near future."

"So?"

"Em, I'm thirty-seven. I'm not getting younger."

"Having kids isn't a necessity," she said. They rounded a corner and reached a nurse's station where she took a new chart for her rounds. The plastic surgery was her last one before many cardio ones.

"So you're on her side?"

"Don't you have a job?" When there was no response, she sighed in annoyance. "There are no sides, okay? What's wrong with her not wanting kids? She's _twenty-seven!_ She's a freaking fetus."

"But-"

"She's the love of your life, right?" Emily finally levelled him with a stern glare. When he nodded, she continued, "Then you should be willing to wait." Her hand rubbed his arm and a smile twitched at the corner of her lips, "Not everyone would be ready, alright? Just, go an apologize to your girlfriend."

"I-"

"It's three AM. Go home to your girlfriend."

.

"Oh, yay. Baby shower," Emily muttered, watching the nurses and Callie talk from where she stood near the onesie decorating station. Meredith chuckled as Lexie carefully arched a line of glitter. "You know, I can't believe this. I love the gifts, but I did not need a baby shower. Honestly, Callie did this for herself."

"I can't get over the fact that Mark knows what onesie decorating is," Meredith remarked. Cristina scoffed.

"I can't get over the fact that he made a scrapbooking station," Emily said distantly, watching said man and Arizona talk.

"You know, you've went to every baby shower a knocked up nurse ever hosted. You deserve this," Cristina said and Emily sent her a faux-annoyed glare. Alex grabbed the marker near her leg and started coloring his vigorously. Glancing over, she smiled when it was a messy version of drawn scrubs. "Besides, free food."

"All valid points," Lexie pointed out before glancing at Meredith's onesie. "Oh, my god, are you still blind?"

"That is so ugly."

"I like it. It's abstract." Emily glanced down at the mess of blue and purple glitter, wrinkling her nose.

"I'm not putting that on my kid," she sang before Callie gestured for her to come over for games. Forcing a smile, she sent her friends a pleading glance before pushing off the table and walking towards her mentor and Mark.

.

"Aria." Emily was about to enter the room when she heard Callie's voice.

"What do you want?"

"I have to take you to Dr. Fields for an ultrasound." Peering into the room, she watched Callie set down the set of scans she held. Pulling up the wheelchair, she waited for Aria to get into the bed. Noticing that pain made her wince, Emily sighed. The cancer was progressing. "Aria…"

"I don't want the surgery." She settled into the chair but Callie didn't move. Crouching down in front of the younger woman, she stared at her sister.

"Why? Give me a valid reason."

"It's a big change - I mean, what if this doesn't work, okay? What if the cancer comes back before I get to the second trimester?"

"What happens if it wouldn't have happened but you never knew because you never took the chance?" Callie fired back. "What if… what if you end up getting married and having kids with the man you love because you took the chance? So what? The cancer comes back then we can always rethink the plan."

"I—" Her eyes didn't meet her sister's.

"We can call our parents, Aria. You won't be alone. It's okay to be scared."

"But my leg-"

"This gives you the best chance to give you what you want. Your baby can go on to live with a loving family. And I won't give up on you. I'll be there, every step of the way. We're on a schedule, Aria. Please… say yes."

"How far?" she finally asked quietly and Callie's hand rested on her knee.

"Just below the knee. We're trying to save as much as possible. Time is of the essence here." Aria's gaze drifted to the door, meeting Emily's gaze who gave her a slight nod.

"The baby will be okay?"

Callie didn't answer. Instead, she said, "This is our best shot."

"Okay. Okay, I'll do it."

.

As they entered the scrub room, she raised an eyebrow at Callie. "You're scrubbing in?"

"Why not?"

"It's your sister."

Scoffing, Emily scrubbed in faster before drying her hands and heading for the door. Bumping the button with her hip, the door swooshed open. There was Dr. Hunt, prepping the patient.

"You might want to tell Callie she's not scrubbing in."

"Torres, you can't scrub in," Owen called out and Callie sent them a glare through the glass. Glancing over her shoulder, she saw Callie throw down the towel. "You can watch from the gallery - Moore will do just fine and I will be right here."

"If you screw this up, I will murder you. The both of you," she yelled and they gave her a thumbs up.

.

"Moore, you okay?" Owen asked when she paused for the second time in five minutes. Her eyes closed as she tried to pinpoint the feeling in her gut. She swallowed, eyebrows knitting together.

"There's a fluttering. I can… uhm, feel something."

"Where?" the attending continued as she put the bone saw down and rolled her hands into fists.

"My abdomen." Owen took off his gloves and surgical gown, taking a step forward and crouching beside the surgeon. His hand landed on her rounded abdomen, moving up and down. "Further down. Farther. Yeah, right there. Wait, it's not there, right now," she said and she reached for the bonesaw only for it to return. "Okay, there! It's there, and uh, what, I don't know."

" _Is everything okay?"_ Looking up at the gallery, they saw Mark and Callie standing there by the intercom. Mark, in particular, was white with worry.

"Sloan, come in here." Mark paused for a moment before running out of the gallery. Only minutes later did he arrive, a mask tied around his face. "Crouch right here and place your hand where mine is." Mark came over and Emily looked down. Their eyes met and she shrugged.

"What's happening?" Owen came behind her as Mark's hand replaced his on her abdomen. The fluttering returned followed by what felt like gas popping and she winced.

"You don't happen to be pregnant, Dr. Moore, are you?"

"I am," she whispered and Mark's sharp inhale of breath had her even more curious. "Why? What is it?"

"Your baby's kicking. That's what it is." Mouth dropping open behind her mask, she felt her hands tremble as she looked to the prepped leg that had yet to be cut through the bone. "Congratulations."

"Our baby's kicking?" she repeated, dumbfounded and Mark stood up, pressing his mask against hers briefly when she turned to look at him.

"We've got a soccer player on our hands."

.

"You were so sexy in that surgery," Mark murmured as he trailed kisses down her neck. Pulling the blanket tighter around the two, she giggled and twisted to kiss him. His hand rested on her rounded abdomen as his other pulled a tendril of hair from her face.

"She's stable too. No signs of infection," she whispered, eyes closed as he began to roll her onto her back. Draping himself over her, he kissed a trail down across her collarbone as she smiled. "What are you doing?" the brunette asked, amused. His hands ran across her bare body as he pulled back the cover to reveal the bump.

"Loving you," he mumbled and he rested his head lightly on her abdomen. "I love you, and I love our kid." Her hand cupped his cheek, stroking the skin under his eye before bringing him up so she can kiss him deeply.

"I love you," she whispered and he smirked, tilting his head to suck on her neck. Hands running through his hair, she gasped as he aligned their hips. "Really? Now?"

"What can I say?" A hand on her waist as he slowly sunk into her, he let out a breath. Biting his shoulder, she tried to stifle her moans as he joined their mouths again. "You're irresistible."

"As are you, darling," she teased and he laughed heartily before silencing her for a long while save for the screams of his name.

.

"Hey." Starting awake, Emily rubbed at her eyes as she glanced up. Callie smiled. "B.P's good?"

"Why're you here?" She yawned, stretching. "Isn't it your day off?"

"Yeah. Isn't it yours?" Standing, Emily checked Aria's stats and wrote them down. "Baby's a bit stressed - how long has it been like that?" Callie asked and Emily looked at the fetal monitor.

"Don't know. Aria's taking the surgery well so I don't know why it's that high." Emily replied, glancing at her mentor. "Should we page O.B.?"

"Yeah, let's be safe. She's only twenty weeks pregnant." Nodding, the resident did as she was asked and in no time, a woman in pink scrubs came down with an ultrasound. Aria was just rousing by then. "We're just checking the baby, Aria."

"If you say so, Cal. But if there's something wrong with the baby, I swear to God-"

"Yeah, you'll kill me. I know."

"So." the O.B. cleared her throat. She felt around the bump, did an ultrasound and checked decels before examining her cervix. "Do you feel pressure in your lower back?" she asked, pulling down her gown and frowning.

"Yeah. I thought it was just from the amputation. I've had to be in this one position for a long time." A nervous laugh. "Why, is there something wrong?"

"Not at all. Can I talk to you outside?" The O.B. turned to Emily who nodded, following her out as Callie sat by her sister's bedside.

"Yeah, sure. What's up?" she asked as they stood near the nurse's station. Emily took in the O.B's set jaw and serious expression and straightened up, eyebrows knitting together. "Is something wrong with the baby?"

"Lower back pressure and vaginal bleeding could mean a weakened cervix. So, I did an exam and she is the one in one-hundred. The baby is pushing down and her cervix is already opening."

"What? Can you perform a cerclage?" Her blood ran cold. "Is there anything we can do to-" The O.B. held up a hand and bit her lip, thinking.

"This baby needs three more weeks to survive, if we're lucky. The cerclage might buy us that if she isn't dilated enough. The amputation had her confused so she hadn't called for help. I'm willing to try as long as the patient consents."

"We can't have her baby die. The only reason we cut off her leg was because of the cancer."

"I was informed. This isn't normally done for pregnancies this far along but it's our only shot," the O.B. said, sighing. "I'll inform Dr. Torres. Can you assist?"

"Yeah, sure."

Two surgeries in two weeks overwhelmed Aria but when it was mentioned that it was for the baby and not for herself this time, she firmly agreed. Callie watched from the gallery once more as they sewed the cervix shut and the baby was once again, safe inside her.

Arizona and Callie were off to their bed and breakfast three weeks later once the ortho surgeon was sure her sister wouldn't spontaneously go into preterm labour. It was up to Emily to keep up to the charts even though she herself was twenty seven weeks pregnant. It helped, though, when Mark would bring her dinner, or when Jackson helped her with charts. Sometimes, she sat in the peds ward with Alex or watched Cristina perform a surgery with Teddy. There were the times she was peacemaker between Lexie and Teddy, or reading in a conference room with Derek as he worked on the trial.

Sometimes, Meredith would surprise her by dragging in a disgruntled Mark who would, over time, persuade his wife to rejoin him in their bed at home.

And one night, when Mark and Emily were under the O.R. board finishing up their last charts, they heard footsteps. Glancing up reflexively, Emily's eyes widened when she spotted her brother. "Noah!" she exclaimed, getting up and launching herself in her brother's arms. "You're here!"

"Always stating the obvious." He grinned, hugging back. "Theresa and the kids are here too. Ollie and Will have spring break. Mark—" The older Moore turned to his old friend and hugged him— "congratulations. You knocked up my baby sister."

"Yeah, sorry about that," he joked back, beaming. "How long are you here?"

"Don't know. I just came here for some fresh air and to work out my new clinical trial," the man answered, eyes crinkling at the edges as he rested a hand on his sister's bump. Emily jutted out her hips proudly when Noah cracked a smile. "Wow, feisty one you've got in there, Emi."

"I know. Twenty seven weeks and completely healthy." Noah wrinkled his nose as Emily glanced between Mark and Noah. "We should catch up over dinner! What's this new clinical trial about?"

"Oh, it's just something I've been working on for a while now… so basically, I want to try to improve the treatment of HLHS…" Noah began and Emily, completely enraptured, followed her brother home where she cooked him dinner as he explained how he was going to save a million unborn babies in the future.

 **A/N: Edited - November 21, 2018**

 **Next: Song beneath the song.**


	58. Song Beneath the Song

_I asked her to marry me and a truck came out of nowhere._

 _-Arizona Robbins_

* * *

"Mark." She slipped into the O.R. where Mark was just finishing up his mandibular repair. "You almost done?"

"Yeah, what do you need?" He didn't look up to see her red eyes. She had just told Aria and the woman's panicked crying wasn't out of her head yet. If he saw her red eyes, he would've stopped right then and there. He would've dropped that scalpel in his hand, words - questions - spilling out of his mouth.

"I'll wait," she said quietly, wanting to sink into the floor. Callie, thrown out a windshield. Callie, blood everywhere. Callie, bones broken. Callie, _dead._

"I rocked this mandibular repair. You'd never know this guy's jaw was broken in five places. I'm something like an artist. Not Picasso, because his jaw would be on his forehead but like, uh, Chagall, Michelangelo." Chuckling, he looked up at his wife. "I'm Michelangelo. There, I'm done. What's up?" His smile fell off his face as she swallowed. "Em, what's going on?"

"Something happened to Callie."

.

"Someone needs to keep an eye on Mark," Derek murmured and they all looked up. Taylor met her eyes and she nodded. Her throat was tight as she let go of Callie's hand and stood.

"I'll go." She pulled her mask off her face, going out through the scrub room. She thought of the many places he would hide, the attendings lounges, the on-call rooms. Nothing. Running down the stairs, she swerved past a nurse before approaching the one behind the nurse's office in the lobby. "Have you seen Dr. Sloan?"

"He went that way." The woman pointed up the stairs and she nodded, thanking him. Going up the stairs again, she brushed past patients and workers alike. She wondered for half a second if Aria had been told what had happened as she walked past the ortho wing. Taking a deep breath, she felt her eyes drift past every door before spotting a man sitting in a stairwell. She opened the door and he looked up, eyes red and glassy. Once he realized who it was, he ducked his head once more.

"You don't have to hide from me," she whispered, sitting beside him and he leaned against her, head on her shoulder. He wiped at his tears and she took one of his hands, clasping it between her own. His left hand covered hers, rough skin brushing against hers as she rested her head on his.

"She's my best friend," he whispered, "She's my best friend."

"I know." She slipped a hand out of his insistent grasp and cupped his face. He clutched onto her like a lifeline as their foreheads pressed against each other. Her eyes began to sting as he closed his, swallowing harshly. Holding his head to her, she raised her chin so he tucked underneath. Her hand combed through his hair as he continued to cry into her scrub shirt. Emily felt her heart wilt with every sob that racked his body, and the cries she wanted to let escape caught in her throat.

.

A page disrupted her from her post near Callie's bedside. Arizona and Mark were arguing in the background as she found the 911 from Aria. Shooting up, she silenced the pager and pulled open the glass door.

Mark and Arizona both shut up as she met their eyes.

"It's Aria," she breathed before sprinting away. Running as fast as she could up to the ortho wing, she swung around the corner and into Aria's room where she was writhing on her bed. Dr. Fields was already there, monitoring decels. Blood stained the pillows and she felt her heart drop into her gut.

"What's wrong? What is it?"

"Her cerclage stitches broke because she went to go after her sister and ended up straining herself. Contractions have started and her weakened cervix is just making everything worse, and I-" Lucy Fields glanced up from where she was sitting, worry etched onto her face.

"What do we have to do? C-Section?" The blonde bit her lip, nervous. "Lucy?"

"I don't know. If we deliver, the baby might die. If we don't, we could lose both. I'm… I'm out of my depth here." Spinning around, she left the room and leaned against the wall just outside, taking out her phone. Scrolling through her contacts, she clicked on a name near the top of her list.

"Come on, come on. Pick up." Tapping her foot impatiently, she heard the line click.

" _Hello?_ "

"Addison, it's Emily. How soon can you come to Seattle?"

.

"Big deal. She works here at Seattle Grace Mercy Death, so I'm sure she's pretty much gonna go crazy, or get cancer or get shot by a gunman or get hit by a truck so don't get your hopes up for Karev's big happily ever after."

.

Addison immediately read up on the woman's case on the way and Emily met her as she exited the helicopter.

"Good to see you, Addison,"

"You too. You look loads different," the redhead said with a smile as they headed for the elevator. "How's the baby? Any heartburn? Spotting?"

"No, we're doing fine. She's this way - excuse me - and her contractions are getting more intense," she said as they passed a few nurses. Turning the corner, she lead the O.B. into Aria's room where Lucy stood. Her feet ached and as soon as they reached their destination, Emily was leaning against the wall.

"Emily, you need rest. You're pregnant, you need to take it easy." Nodding, Emily took a deep breath as Lucy watched Addison work.

"I'll go when I know Aria's going to be okay."

"The baby could survive via C-Section," Lucy began but Addison shook her head, taking the stethoscope. Telling Aria to lie down, she listened to the woman's heart.

"No, she can't because not only did you fail to stop her contractions, you didn't give steroids to the baby to mature her lungs. Leave," she snapped and Lucy froze before leaving. Emily bit her lip as Addison felt the bump, an expression she didn't like warping her face.

"You're going to be okay, Aria. We're going to take good care of you." Aria clutched onto Addison's sleeve, tears in her eyes as she let out a low groan.

"Save the baby. Save the baby for Callie… I don't want her but she does."

"Aria…" words failed as Emily watched her B.P. rise. "Addison, she's bleeding. We've got to deliver this baby before she injures herself more."

"My sister…" Aria's breath hitched as they clicked the rails into place, "Is she going to be okay?" Addison's gaze flickered back to Emily who met it steadily. "Is she okay?"

"Callie's going to be fine, okay, Aria? Don't worry - she'll be fine. I'll call up to the O.R. and check up on her, okay? Just, calm down and let Addison take good care of you." The brunette received a shaky nod and they began to roll the labouring woman out. Nurses took the I.V.s and helped Addison take over as the redhead stayed behind to look at Emily. She shoved her hands into her pockets, avoiding the woman's eyes.

"What happened to Callie?"

"Car crash. Right into the back of a truck and she flew through the windshield."

"How is she? Be honest." Emily glanced out the empty door.

"I don't know," she whispered. "But, you should check on Mark. He's taking this hit really h-hard." Eyes burning, she felt her throat close up and went to go call up to the O.R. Addison rubbed her shoulder.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." Clearing her throat, she wiped at the beginnings of her tears. "You needa get to surgery, right?"

"Yeah. I'll update you when I can." Emily mouthed a small 'thank you' and the redhead went to change as the brunette left the room.

 _Where's Mark?_

"Have you seen—" She cleared her throat because it was getting thick and her neck felt bruised— "Dr. Sloan anywhere?"

"He said he needed to go lie down," one nurse said quietly and she nodded. Opening on-call room after on-call room, she didn't see him at all. She saw Meredith and Derek, Eli and Bailey although that _scarred_ her eyes, but no Mark. Taylor and Lexie were in the cafeteria, eating before Callie's next surgery and she offered them a tired smile and a wave.

"You alright?" Taylor asked, sitting up straighter upon seeing her.

"Yeah, I'm doing okay." The blond trauma attending's face was scrunched up in doubt as she allowed, "It's hard though. You better save her." She offered a tight smile as Lexie grabbed her hand with a soft smile.

"We'll try our best," Taylor promised and she nodded. "What're you looking for? Pudding?" He offered a spoonful of his chocolate dessert and she shook her head.

"No, uh, have you seen Mark?"

"I saw him heading up to fourth. Hey—" She paused when the trauma surgeon added— "tell me how he's doing."

"I will," she promised before heading in the direction of the elevator. Stepping in, she waited for the doors to close only for them to open one floor later. Jackson's eyes lit up in surprise when he saw her but his eyes softened.

"Hey, Em."

"Hey, Jackie," she mumbled, hugging herself and taking a step back to lean against the wall. His eyes narrowed at her as he pressed the button for his own floor.

"What's up?" he asked, not looking at her but at the row of numbers above the doors. "Come on. You're not okay." When she was quiet, he finally turned around to find the tears she held in tracing down her cheeks, reddening her eyes. Her cheeks blotchy, she sniffed loudly as she raised a hand to plug the tears. Her free arm hugged herself as she finally let out a soft cry, shoulders quaking. Her breath shuttered and he walked over the few steps he needed to wrap her in a hug. "It's gonna be okay. We'll make up a plan. We'll get through this."

"Jackson-" she began but he shushed her, hand patting down her hair. "Jackson, if she doesn't make it-" There mere thought had her blood running cold and she couldn't finish her sentence, instead pressing her face into his lab coat. The elevator dinged and she broke away, wiping at her face and sniffing.

His hands fell away and she ran a hand through her hair, letting out a nervous laugh. Looking up, she realized it was her floor.

"It's, uh, it's my floor," she whispered and he nodded. "Thanks, Jackson, for, uhm, letting me fall apart on you there."

"Yeah, of course." Jackson's smile had her smiling as well as he added, "Plus, it's kinda payback for those times after the shooting. You make good spaghetti dinner."

"Thanks." Stepping out of the elevator, she turned around to watch the elevator doors close. Feeling lighter than before, she continued on her search for Mark. Thinking of the lounge, she headed in that direction and peered through the door. Through the small window, she saw him lying on the couch and wiped at her eyes before going in.

"Hey."

"Hi." He cleared his throat and sat up as she plopped down beside him. "How are you?" He turned to her and she kissed his mouth softly, hand curling against his face.

"I should be asking you that," she said and guided his head onto her lap.

"I'll be better when she gets out of it safely." He raised her scrub shirt and kissed her bump, pressing his face against it. Running her fingers through his hair, she just lets him doze off in silence.

.

The night came and went, the crack of dawn waking the couple up. Mark checked his watch, saw that he got an hour of sleep and nudged his wife awake. "Let's go check on Callie," he whispered and she nodded, exhausted.

"I need to check on… on Aria," she replied, disoriented. Helping her stand, he looked at her. "Cerclage stitches broke - Addison took her up when I went to find you."

"Go," he whispered and she nodded, pecking him on the jaw before exiting the lounge.

.

"What happened?" Emily asked, placing a mask in front of her mouth as Addison looked up from where she was tending to the preemie. The younger Torres was under anesthesia and a resident was deep in the woman's abdomen.

"Scrub in."

"What happened?" She repeated forcefully and Addison shook her head in frustration.

"Aria fell." Cold dread washed over her. "It's caused some bleeding. We just need to control it and she'll be okay. An extra pair of hands would be useful."

Nodding numbly, she ran into the scrub room and rubbed her hands raw before being gowned and gloved. Telling the resident to move out of the way so she could be lead and they could be first assist, she asked for suction.

Two hours and a partial splenectomy later, they walked out with the baby that was barely breathing, but alive.

.

Once she was finished her surgery, she walked up to the gallery where Arizona and Mark were already sitting. Standing near the monitor that displayed the surgery up close, she leaned into the glass. "She has to make it."

"We should pray," Arizona said and Mark just continued to stare into the glass.

"I haven't stopped praying since yesterday," was all he said and she sat down beside him, taking one of his hands in her own. Another clasped over hers as the monitors began to beep.

" _Definitely got some new bleeding."_ Owen started the surgery, suctioning away the bleeders as Bailey began at the abdomen.

" _Remove the abdominal packs carefully. They may be stuck. Irrigation."_

" _Starting to cannulate. Slowly push the heparin."_ Teddy watched the anesthesiologist push it in where she stood near the heart and Emily's hand squeezed Mark's painfully as she prayed that there wouldn't be blood. No blood, no blood, no blood-

" _We've got blood!"_

" _Damn it. We gotta go back in."_

" _It's the heparin."_ Cristina, from where she worked opposite of Teddy, looked up. " _Dr. Altman, we can still do the percutaneous repair. It'll work. I know it will."_ Mark turned to Emily and she inhaled sharply, jaw clenching tightly as she stood. The monitors raged, beeping frantically as Derek opened up the brain once again to clear the brain bleed.

" _Dr. Yang, the decision's already made."_

" _Get me more lap pads. Got a lot of bleeding down here."_

" _This is not working. Yang is right. We need to reverse the heparin and try the percutaneous repair."_ With that as permission, Cristina backed away from the table and Emily tried to soothe her storm of thoughts with the fact that Cristina was now in charge. Cristina knew how to fix this. She could save Callie.

" _What? No!"_

"Cristina will know what to do," Emily murmured under her breath, taking the attention of Arizona and Mark away from the O.R. "She'll know."

.

 _He will do one of two things_

 _He will admit to everything_

 _Or he'll say he's just not the same_

 _And you'll begin to wonder why you came*_

Emily took a deep breath. The flatline echoed in her head like a persistent ghost as she stood, watching Dr. Webber pump her mentor's heart. Arizona jumped down the stairs, blue eyes beginning to gloss over as she pressed her hand against the glass.

When what felt like years passed, the doctors seemed to stop and waited for the monitors to pick up a heartbeat. One, two, three seconds passed before…

 _Beep._ _Beep. Beep._

" _Mom's heart is strong."_ Dr. Webber's voice crackled over the intercom and Mark breathed a sigh of relief, stumbling back into his chair and Emily let her head drop against the glass.

.

Emily held the preemie's hand in the N.I.C.U. "Hey, baby," she whispered. She had beautiful black hair, a trademark of the Torres family, and looked so small. Resting her chin in her hand, she smiled. Watching the little baby breathe, Emily watched her stats. Steady, for now.

Sitting down, she texted Derek for the details - if Callie was going to wake up - before slipping her phone back into her pocket underneath her pink gown. Resting her free hand on her own abdomen, she gently raised the unnamed baby's arm in between her thumb and index finger and held it there.

Her own baby kicked hard and she winced, rubbing her abdomen. The roundness was growing every day and soon, she'd have to take more off days. This baby was taking the wind out of her and she felt bloated every time she entered a room.

Hearing footsteps, she looked up to see Jackson with forms. "How's she doing?"

"One pound and one ounce of a fighter. What's up?" She extended a hand and he passed her the forms. "Aria's awake?" she asked and he nodded, mouth quirking up at the corners.

"Little Torres is awake and looking for you." She glanced at the infant and he let out a low exhale. "Go. I'll watch over or page Karev or something."

"Page Mark. He… he should watch over her."

"Okay."

Nodding, she stood and rubbed his shoulder before leaving, tearing off her pink gown. Heading for the elevator, she went up to the ortho wing and entered Aria's room after a knock.

"Sent a messenger," she said, coming into the room and Aria cleared her throat, trying to sit up. "Don't sit up - you just had major surgery." Waving the forms, she cocked her head. "You're sure about this, right?"

"Yes," she rasped and Emily went over to pour her a cup of water. Holding it for her, she directed the straw into the mouth before sitting down. "Thanks. How is she?"

"Stable. Looking for signs of neural deficits right now but she pulled through. We just have to believe."

"The baby?" Emily noted that Aria painfully did not use 'my'. There was no regret, only a slight bittersweetness for what could have been.

"Strong. Looking for her mom." Aria closed her eyes, swallowing and Emily brought the table around the bed and placed the cup there. "These papers, you're sure?"

"Definitely. Callie… deserves this. She'll do better than I will ever be able to. And I can be the aunt, she can be the mom." She liked the thought. The brunette watched as Aria shifted, thinking of how grateful and happy that Aria was doing what she wanted, and yet giving her older sister something as well. Then she remembered… Arizona.

"And if her girlfriend doesn't agree?"

"Too bad." Emily chuckled, flipping through the forms.

"She needs to sign them unfortunately."

"Well, change her mind then. Oh! I know…" Aria coughed. "Play the cancer card. Always works," she exclaimed and Emily laughed.

"Will do." Standing, the doctor patted her patient's hand. "Get some rest. We'll talk more tomorrow, alright?"

"Yeah. Thanks, for everything, Dr. Moore."

"Thank Callie when she wakes up." Emily answered before leaving to give the forms to Arizona.

 **A/N: Edited - November 25, 2018**

 ***'** _ **And you'll begin to wonder why you came'**_ **Just to point out that I'm considering this an Emily quote since if she were in the show, she would've sung this part as appropriate foreshadowing.**

 **Next: A white wedding and a new addition.**


	59. Welcome to the Family

_You think that true love is the only thing that crush your heart. The thing that will take your life and light it out. Or destroy it. Then, you become a mother._

 _-Meredith Grey_

* * *

 _One week_

"Baby report," she announced, coming into the room with Mark as they fistbumped Arizona. Mark turned on his phone as the blonde frowned slightly. She still wasn't on board with the whole idea with the baby but was warming up to it. Callie, however, was completely in love with the newly named Sofia Torres ever since day one.

"Arizona, you wanna go see her?" Mark offered and she looked away. His blue eyes met Emily's and they shared a silent conversation before she took Arizona's hand and lead her to the N.I.C.U. Noah was there, monitoring her stats. His family was back in Boston already but he hung back the minute he learned of the accident.

"You're going to see her," Emily said firmly. "Because whether you like it or not, this is Callie's baby already. Aria signed a direct adoption and by proxy, she's signed the papers legally." Arizona rolled her eyes, getting into the elevator. "The only reason Callie hasn't signed them is because she's waiting for you."

"Emily,"

"Come on. Just go see,"

"Fine," she conceded. "Let's go."

 _Five Weeks_

"Callie's okay?"

"Fine and Sofia is too. How's our baby?" Mark placed both hands on her rounded abdomen as Emily watched him. Leaning into him, she sighed and smiled against him.

"Good. Kicking a lot. And Arizona? How is she with the papers?"

"She's still on the fence but since the surgery, I think she's really considering it. She loves her." Hugging Mark close, Emily kissed his neck before pulling back. "Tired?"

"I really need to pee," she remarked and he chuckled. "Then I have to bring Aria for her new round of chemo."

"Dinner tonight, then?"

"I'm on call, so I can't." She pouted and he brushed her hair away from her face. He pecked her on the mouth before giving her another kiss and another.

"I have an idea. I'll page you when it's time," he whispered and her eyebrows knitted together, confused. "Don't worry! You'll love it."

"Sounds like a plan." Watching him, she narrowed her eyes and huffed before heading to the cafeteria.

.

She was paged to the roof. Wrapping her jacket around her, she narrowed her eyes against the slight wind. Sweeping her gaze around, she spotted Mark a respectable distance near the edge but where they could see the skyline of Seattle at night.

"What is this?" she asked, walking over and sitting down. It was almost like a picnic at night. There was a thermos of soup, candles, and even a slice of cake. "What? I - you made a cake?"

"Wasn't that hard," he whispered and her eyes widened when he brought out pasta. "Carbonara couldn't hurt."

"It really won't." He kissed her cheek and she laughed. The Seattle skyline were like the stars and she sighed peacefully. "This is perfect. Thank you, Mark." His eyes softened when she turned to him and he nosed her cheek, kissing the corner of her mouth.

"Anything for you, jailbait."

 _Twelve Weeks_

The next seven weeks passed by quickly. Noah left after the surgery, saying that he had to get back to running the peds ward and that Sofia was stable. Callie was able to walk and hold her baby. Wedding planning was underway and she was leading more surgeries than she could count. The Chief Resident was her position.

Arizona had signed the papers. Sofia Torres was now a cute little bean in pink as she was carried around like a beloved favorite. The little baby was already bonding with Callie and Arizona, eyes wide as she stared at her moms.

"Moore." She raised her head when Owen called her name. She hadn't even realized she fell asleep standing. "Woah. You alright?"

"Yeah, sorry. I was scheduling surgeries tomorrow for Mark. We have a few surgeries together tomorrow." Straightening up, she straightened out her schedules and glanced at them blearily. Blinking, she yawned, "Uh, what did you need?"

"I was going to ask what you were doing to try and own Chief Resident." Trying to stay awake, Emily leaned heavily on the nurse's station counter.

"I… I've been taking a lot of shifts. Lots of surgeries and I—" A huge yawn— "I organized Callie's and Mark's schedules for the next weeks the way they liked it since Callie's gonna be returning to work in a bit." The trauma head gave a firm nod in approval. "Also, I've checked out all the discharges for general surgery so I just need Bailey and Webber to check on those. I have the residents' call schedules in my office and people teaching in the skills lab. Do you need someone for trauma? April is on next, but I can figure something out-"

"Nope. This is good. You're organized, on top of things. Not anything flashy but reliable." He seemed to say to himself, "Good. You're a candidate for the race, Moore. Keep it up but maybe—" He glanced at her figure and took in her dark eye-bags— "you should rest. If not for you, for your baby."

"Yes, sir. Thank you, sir."

.

"She's so cute," Emily sighed as Arizona buckled in Sofia into her car seat. Mark was driving so he was on the other side as Callie went in and helped secure Sofia. "You'll be okay," she said to Callie. "Get lots of rest."

"You too." Arizona hugged Emily. "That baby calls for rest. African kids may be coming over but that doesn't mean you can ignore yourself."

"Yes, Dr. Robbins," she said sarcastically and the blonde smiled, getting into the car. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

Mark came around the car and kissed her on the mouth before pecking her forehead. "See you later. Love you," he murmured and she echoed his sentiments back before watching him get into the car. Turning, she shoved her hands into her coat pockets before heading back towards the hospital.

 _Sixteen Weeks_

Scrubbing out of the palatoplasty, she sighed and leaned against the wall as Mark followed her.

"You wanna just head home?" She raised her head tiredly. "You did well in there."

"Oh, god, yeah. I thought I could take this 'last day' but nope," Emily groaned. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and they started walking to his office. There was a couch and a desk as well as his own mini-fridge. Lying down on his couch, she let out a groan and kicked off her shoes. Everything felt swollen and bloated. A contraction ripped through her and she groaned.

"Braxton Hicks?"

"Yeah," she mumbled and he sat near her legs, rubbing her side. Smiling at Mark through clenched teeth, she tried to find a position that eased her pain. Yawning, she closed her eyes as Mark shifted her closer to the edge to make room for himself. Pressing her back flush against his chest, he held her close as she held onto his arms wrapped around her. Squirming, her eyebrows knitted together. Breaking free of his hold, she sat up and groaned when it multiplied by a hundred. "Mark! Oh, _shit!_ "

"What's wrong?" She tried to stand and crumpled. He shot out of the couch and caught her, cradling her on the floor. "Hey, Em!" Her hands were shaking as she let out a yell muffled only by the fabric of his shirt.

"The baby," she whispered, "it's the baby. I think-" Her sentence never finished as Mark scooped her up and flung open the door. Running to the elevator, he was screaming his head off.

"Someone page O.B!"

"Right away, doctor."

"Mark, what the-" Taylor never finished his sentence as Emily wriggled in his arms. The trauma surgeon immediately held the elevator doors and the two men stood in the elevator with the labouring woman, waiting for the floors to pass by faster. "Really, Em? Torres was gonna get married in, what, three days?"

"Shut up!" When they reached the floor, they were led to a free room. "Taylor, you might wanna leave."

"What - why?" he exclaimed and she winced, standing on her feet but bracing herself against the bed.

"Because I'm about to strip down to get into a hospital gown."

"Right. Uhm, I'll get Lexie and Meredith and I'll call people." The man was more of a wreck than she was as Mark helped pull off her lab coat and shirt. Draping the gown over her, he tied it around her waist before firmly tugging down her pants.

"You know, this is not how I imagined strpping you before," he commented and she swatted him blindly on the shoulder. Knees shaking, her hands grabbed fistfuls of blankets as her knuckles blanched.

"Not the time, Mark." She winced as he smiled sheepishly. "Call my brother. He'll want to know that he's becoming an uncle!" The door swung open and Lexie came in with Connie who immediately got to work.

"Taylor told me on his way that you've started your contractions." Mark gestured for Lexie to take his place in consoling his agony-wracked wife as he fished his phone out of his pocket and called her brother.

" _Hey, Mark."_

"Noah, so you know how you said call you when your sister's pushing a baby out of her vagina?" he said, quoting the older Moore directly. Emily made a sound from the back of her throat through clenched teeth as Mark glanced at her. Her face was red as Lexie patted her back.

" _Oh, dear lord. My sister is becoming a mother."_ Mark held back a laugh as Noah tried to regain his wits. " _Put me on speaker."_ Mark pressed the speaker button and Noah began coaching his sister. " _How's the pain, Emi?_ "

"Three."

" _Okay. And the O.B. is there?"_

"Yes and you better not start ordering her around when you are in Boston." Letting out a groan through clenched teeth, she let her head drop forward. Connie crouched between her legs, feeling around for dilation. Emily felt another contraction rip through her and gather in her back. "Can you believe that I fell for Mark Sloan? I spent years hating this guy!" Mark, completely offended, had a white ring of white around his eyes as he stared at his wife in shock.

" _At this point? Kind of!"_ Moaning, she pulled the bed rails up and pushed against them. " _But you know, time works in weird ways. You're married to him."_

"I _know_!" she yelled, causing a flat silence through everyone else as she pushed off the bed rails. Lexie helped her steady herself as Connie stood, shaking her head in amusement.

"Is there anything I can do?" Lexie asked, frantic. "Drugs?"

"No drugs."

"Connie." Mark looked at the O.B. who ordered the woman to get on the bed. Huffing, Emily - with the help of Lexie - got onto the bed and spread her legs as Connie laid a towel underneath her hips. Pulling on a pair of gloves, the O.B. sat on a stool.

"Alright. She's not dilated even a centimetre so we've still got a long way to go," she said, inspecting between her legs. Patting her calf, Connie stood and took the gloves off with a snap. "Page me when she's dilated four centimetres," she ordered a nurse. She offered a smile to the heaving brunette. "You're in good shape. You're becoming a mother, Dr. Moore. Good luck."

"I'm gonna need it!" Emily yelled after her. Noah laughed on the other end of the phone as the brunette grabbed the phone from Mark's hand. "Noah, if you don't shut up, I'm going to _rip your head off!_ "

" _Duly noted. Shutting up now."_

.

The early labour phase passed by easily. Mark passed his surgeries to other surgeons as he fetched water and kept his wife company. Emily bent her elbows, head resting on her hands as she watched the TV.

"We never talked about names," she said during the fifth hour of labour. She was significantly calmer now that Noah was off speaker. Her brother had a habit of making her blood pressure rise. Still, slowly, her contractions were getting stronger and longer.

Mark and Derek both looked at her as Meredith squeezed her hand.

"I think Derek is a good one." The neurosurgeon smirked and Emily rolled her eyes as Meredith scoffed. "Or Christopher. Christopher Sloan. It has a nice ring to it."

"Like I'd name my kid after you," Mark snorted, nudging his best friend. The door opened and Callie came in, flicking a hair out of her eyes.

"Sorry, sorry. I just managed to get away from my parents from the wedding rehearsal when I heard. How are you?"

"Good. How's Aria? Chemo still working?" she rasped, lifting her head as Callie nodded.

"She's doing fine. Thank you." Callie's megawatt grin was directed at her.

"Oh, ow." She winced when another contraction came through. "We were talking names. Any ideas?"

"I just need to last two more days with my parents." Callie collapsed on the couch beside Derek, tilting her head back and pinching the bridge of her nose.

"You are no help," Emily groaned, head flopping onto the pillow as Callie reached forward and took her student's hand, holding on tight. Mark stood, climbing into the bed and hugging her. Pouting, she scrunched her nose at him. "I was always thinking Everett."

That earned a bunch of surprised noises. Derek rolled his eyes with a sigh.

"And you call us awful." Derek chided.

"Give her a break," Meredith said quietly with a small smile. Her pager beeped and she checked it with a sigh. "Teddy's paging me. I'll try to be back as soon as I can." The blonde left the room as Mark kissed her temple.

"What if it's a girl?"

"Everett can be unisex. It's a rocking name," Emily argued and Mark smiled in a silly fashion.

"Em, I love you, but never say rocking again."

"All the more reason to keep saying it," she teased and he sighed.

"Naming a kid after me is a bit narcissistic."

"You're the king of narcissism," Callie remarked and Derek snorted. "I should go before my mom says something even more homophobic to me."

"Callie-" Mark began and Emily turned to her husband, hand curling against his chest. Knocking her knuckles against his chest to get his attention, she mouthed 'go.' Nodding, he pecked her forehead and scooted off the bed to follow after his best friend.

.

After another thirteen hours, with a rotational schedule of her friends popping in at random times, Emily was in the home stretch. Fire burned every fibre of her being as she pushed and pushed. Mark held onto her hand, comforting her. Taylor was on the other with her brother on the phone.

Her friends waited outside, she knew. Lexie was pacing back and forth, Alex was leaning against the nurse's station and Cristina and Meredith were talking.

Letting out a scream, she felt everything magnify by ten before it lessened. It was like when you were stretching deeper than you should and suddenly you relax and that feeling that flooded your muscles made you able to breathe again.

Connie was quiet as a raspy cry filled the air. Relaxing against the bed, Emily felt sweat cover every inch of skin. Mark wiped at her forehead, kissing her lips. They tasted like salt as he pulled away and she let out a shuddering sob. The stress and pain all piled up on her for nearly a day of wracking, intense, abhorrent agony.

Connie cradled a bundle in her arms before standing. Mark let go of his wife's hand as she tried to regain her breath, voice pitchy as she whispered to her brother and his wife.

" _You did great_ ," Theresa said through the phone as a sharp cry pierced the air. There was silence where all adults, including the ones outside, looked towards the source. Connie pulled back the blanket slightly before looking at Mark who stood stock still.

"Dr. Sloan, Dr. Moore, you two have a beautiful baby boy." Taylor kissed Emily's cheek as Noah cheered. The blond trauma surgeon stood, about to give the couple privacy as he took the phone with him. He put the older Moore off of speaker and walked out of the room as Connie adjusted Mark's arms so he supported the baby's neck.

After the birth of the placenta, the O.B. left the two Sloans alone and Mark sat beside his wife, carefully moving their son to her arms. Gasping, she cried relieved tears as she pressed her nose against his small forehead.

"Hey, there," she whispered, kissing his face as the hairs on her neck stood up. Raising her head, she furrowed her brow in confusion. It felt like someone was with them. It felt like familiar, warm as she turned her gaze back to her son's.

 _I'm so proud of you, Em._ A shiver against Mark as he hugged her.

 _George._ The brunette felt a bittersweet smile cross her face as she pulled back the blanket to admire her baby. A dark tuft of hair adorned his head as he squirmed, reaching out for purchase. Offering her finger, Emily leaned against Mark who chuckled, kissing her temple. His tears traced down his face and nestled in her sweat but she didn't pay him any mind. She only had eyes for her son, who she knew she would give up anything for.

 _You did good, you know? But is it too late to recommend Thomas as the baby's name?_

It was almost as if she could hear them in her head, their own voices perfectly memorized. George would've had the biggest smile and Tom would be nearly jumping up and down. But they were two souls that weren't here. They had gone and left this world.

"I love you," he whispered and she let out a choked sound, still crying but for a different reason now. "I love you, I love you."

"I love you," she echoed, bringing her baby closer as it struck her. "This is our baby boy."

"Do you know what to name him?" he asked and when she met Mark's light blue eyes, she knew it was the right thing. It just fit so well. She gave him a shaky nod and he smiled. The smile told her all he didn't say. He didn't care what the name was. What mattered was her and their son, and how they were finally _happy._ "Go for it."

She glanced down at her baby son. Heat spread to every inch of her body, filling with such love that she could barely contain herself. She couldn't even explain it - it was like an endless fountain of joy and pure unadulterated love for both her husband and her son. She could live off this feeling for an eternity.

They had finally achieved what they both had wanted. Against all odds.

Like Mark said, it wouldn't be fun not fighting against the world. To Emily, it made holding her son all the sweeter.

"Go on," he whispered and she smiled tentatively. It was eleven, the sky dark as the stars were coming out. _Callie's getting married,_ she remembered dazedly. _It's a shame I'll miss it. But for a good reason. For the best reason._

"Everett George Thomas Sloan." He was quiet for a long time and her hazel eyes met his shyly. He was thinking, she could tell, but she didn't know about what.

"It's perfect," he said after a while. He knew what each name meant and her silence had his smile fading to one of understanding for his wife. Getting up from her chair and sitting in the bed next to her, he rested his cheek on her head as they both gazed towards their son. Mark tentatively brushed a few hairs back from his forehead. This was _his_ son. His tiny son, who looked so helpless and new and young. His son. Placing a kiss upon his brow, Mark couldn't help his slight croak as he spoke.

"Welcome to the family, son."

 **A/N: Edited - November 28, 2018**

 **Next: Restless nights.**


	60. Maternity Leave

_This baby's crack._

 _-Callie Torres_

* * *

Three days after, Emily was back home. Mark, fresh from the wedding, came into her hospital room and she turned off the TV to look at him.

"You look really good in that suit," she whispered and he laughed, kissing her nose. He took the flower out from his lapel and offered it to her. Giggling, she took it and pretended to take a whiff, finding it flavoured with his cologne.

"When I get you that wedding I promised you, I'll look even better," he promised.

"A wedding?" she asked, arching her eyebrows. Mark pulled away to pick up their son from the bed in her room as she sat up in bed.

"Eventually. When we have time, when you want to."

"How about when I get my fellowship? As a celebration?"

"You get your fellowship, we get a wedding. Sounds like a plan." Laughing, she pulled him in for another kiss before he could persuade her to drive her back home.

He helped her into their apartment and she slowly carried their son into the bedroom where a crib that wasn't previously there now stood. Mark took Everett, tapping his back as he gently jiggled him in his arms. Letting out a gentle warble, Everett gazed up at his father as Emily sat on her bed. Lying down, she let out a sigh.

"Twelve weeks of no work. I can't believe this," she said, repeating what Connie had said to her earlier. "Starting my fifth year late is not ideal." Sighing, she turned her head to look at Mark who sat down.

"You'll catch up," he soothed. "You can start on your boards early. We'll be study buddies." Smirking, she tugged his shirt down so she could kiss him, propping herself up on her elbows. Looking into the bundle in one of his arms, she breathed in Everett's scent.

"He's perfect, isn't he?" she whispered and he nodded, kissing her forehead. "Yeah, you are, baby," she cooed and Everett's eyes fixed on her face for a moment before falling away. His chubby face had his tongue poking out between his lips and she sighed, nose pressing against his cheek,

"God, I love you. I can't even say that enough," he whispered and she smiled, heat rushing to her cheeks. After all these years - four years - Mark still had the ability to make her blush. Everett yawned, eyes closing tight and Mark made a whimpering sound. "Somebody's tired," he murmured and he stood, placing his son into their crib.

"We should get a bigger place," she said, turning onto her stomach and crawling farther up the bed. Mark turned around, eyebrows raised. He glanced at their now sleeping child before back at his wife. "Everett can't stay in our room forever and we're _married_ now, Mark."

"Really? I mean…" She laughed at his insecurity and beamed up at him.

"Definitely."

"Then I'll start looking for a house!" Chuckling, he climbed up the bed and kissed her deeply. Smiling against his lips, she touched his cheek and pressed their foreheads together.

.

"Hey, what's that?" Derek peered over his shoulder as Mark scanned through the listings for houses in the newspaper. "What - Emily already kick you out?"

"No. She wants to move into a bigger house." Mark explained and Derek made a sound of surprise. "Since Everett's gonna need his own room, she wants an actual house."

"Huh. Well, we could build one." Derek teased and he rolled his eyes.

"That's your thing, Shep, and as romantic as it is, I highly doubt Em would care. You're doing it for yourself."

"Hey, what're you doing?" Owen's eyebrows scrunched together as he walked past Mark and gave the chart to a nurse. "House hunting? Very mature of you."

"Do I have some… reputation for being the jock? I'm responsible. I just had a baby."

"Your _wife_ had a baby. You just did all the fun stuff."

"Rude!" Mark's mouth dropped open but Derek smirked to himself, holding up a finger.

"But true."

"Anyway, she's still on my schedule for a meeting. _She's_ the responsible one."

For a moment, there was a pause where Owen looked to Mark who looked to Derek who shrugged, completely disengaged from the conversation. "Emily's still on your schedule?"

"Yeah. Why? Did she not-"

"She's been home for four days, Hunt."

"Well, she's a surgeon." The man shrugged and Mark groaned as the neurosurgeon grabbed a few of his charts.

"Give Mark some credit. He proposed," Derek defended with a twinkle in his eyes as he patted Mark on the arm. "Good job. You're a dad." With a wink, the neurosurgeon left and Mark was left with Owen who was smiling to himself.

"For the record, I am very responsible," Mark muttered, shoving his hands in his pockets as the two set off to the pit.

"Professionally, yes you are. Patients come everywhere to see you." Owen agreed with a slight smile, "But personally? You're like the kid brother." Warmth flooded his system despite the barb as Owen clapped him on the back. "Congratulations."

"Thanks, Hunt." Off he went to a trauma room and Mark leaned against the nurse's station, taking out his cell phone. Calling his wife, he waited and watched the E.R. door. A burn victim was five minutes out.

" _Hey."_

"Jailbait, I have a question." She was eerily quiet. He only ever called her that nostalgic name when she was in trouble or really in the mood for romance. It was something he had picked up lately and Emily did not think that her husband was particularly lovey-dovey at this moment.

" _Yes?"_

"What is this about a meeting with Hunt?" There was a long silence. "Em? You're not leaving home, are you?"

" _Oh, what's that? Everett's calling me? Oh, darn it, Mark. Gotta go!"_ She hung up. Mark rolled his eyes with a sigh. His wife was ridiculous sometimes.

.

Everett grabbed onto a strand of her hair as she walked to the conference room. Waiting outside, she held his neck up as he shifted in her arms. Pulling back, she kissed his forehead but he squirmed, wanting to be let go. The floors were hard and she frowned, glancing into the room.

"Moore."

"Hey, Dr. Hunt." She turned around and Everett let out a gurgle. She smiled sheepishly, "I hope it's okay if I brought my son."

"Yeah." Everett turned his head as much as he could and she turned him around as Owen cocked his head and smiled. "He's a cute one, isn't he? Congratulations." She nodded and smiled tiredly.

"Thank you." Owen opened a folder and so the interview began.

And after the interview, Emily left the room. The trauma surgeon checked his watch, noting that he had a few more hours until his next interview. But for now, Emily Moore was one of the front runners for Chief Resident.

.

Stopping by the lobby, she sat down as Everett gurgled. The baby was asleep against her chest and she glanced around to find Mark.

"Hey, there." Someone snuck up behind her, kissing her neck and she smiled, leaning against Mark as he carefully took the baby. "Who's my man?" Everett shifted, letting out a cry as Mark made a cooing sound. "Oh, it's okay, it's okay. Why're you here?"

"Meeting with Hunt, remember?" She stood, tickling the baby's cheek.

"And how did that go?" He eyed her and she smiled sheepishly. "You should be resting, Em."

"And I will! I just wanted to do my job. Dedication is a good trait for the new Chief Resident," she added with a wink and he cracked a smile before handing her back their son. "Kick some ass. I'll be waiting at home." He kissed the side of their son's head, eyes lingering wistfully.

"Alright."

.

A few weeks passed and soon, April passed and it became May. Derek and Meredith were still in the process of adopting Zola and the Chief Resident was yet to be picked as Emily paced back and forth in their apartment, bored out of her mind.

When Mark told her of all the surgeries he did, she found her fingers itching to do something. He brought home a suture kit the next day. The nights after were filled with Mark making cue cards and testing her for her boards.

When Callie had her babysit Sofia while her and Arizona worked on a case including multiple broken bones, she couldn't help but read over the charts they sent over.

This continued on and on until it had been nine weeks since Everett was born. That was when she put her foot down, snuck into the hospital, put her name on the O.R. board and left Everett in daycare.

When she scrubbed in with Mark and Callie on a man who was hit by a car, they both pinned her with eagle-like glares. "What?"

"You should be at home. You have three more weeks of mat leave."

"How about no. I am going crazy. Scalpel." The metal instrument was placed in her hands and she let out a sigh.

"Em-"

"Everett's fine. He's in daycare, I fed him, changed him and he has his favorite stuffy. Suction. I spent the whole night with him. I've spent twenty-four hours a day with him. It's his nap time right now and he won't miss me with his eyes closed. It's one surgery, Mark. One, two hour, three tops surgery. Then I'll go home and hopefully not tear my hair out. Look, it's hard to be away from my baby but I needed to physically detach myself from that baby, otherwise I might've never come back." Callie rolled her eyes at Mark's face as she asked for titanium screws. "Did you find a place yet?"

"I have a few in mind," he acquiesced and she grinned. "We can go see them after work, if you want." She nodded and he said with a smile, "God, I hate you."

"You love me," she sang and he scoffed as they continued to operate. For once, everything was completely perfect.

.

Mark and her decided to have dinner over at Meredith and Derek's. There was good food, good conversation and great friends. This was to tide her over the next week. Seven more days of solitude. Then she could get back in the action. Thank the Lord, she somehow survived it. It helped that Everett was now the new love of her life. It was hard to part with him but it was worth it.

Emily glanced around, her cheeks hurting from smiling so much as Alex handed her the bowl of peas. "Thank you." She spooned some onto her plate as a cry pierced their easy atmosphere. "And that's the baby. I've got it." she stood as Mark made a move to get their son. Everett wailed beside Emily and she hoisted him up into her "He's probably hungry," the woman added, tucking a strand of brown hair behind her ear.

Putting a blanket over her shoulder, she adjusted Everett so he could feed properly and covered him with the blanket before pacing back and forth. The doorbell rang and she yelled that she'd answer it.

Spotting Lexie at the door, she opened the door. "Lex?" The brunette raised her head, cheeks blotchy as Emily's eyebrows furrowed together. "What happened?"

"Uh, I kind of, someone - a _Mr. Sloan_ checked in tonight. He's asking for Mark," she stammered and Emily put a hand on the woman's back, guiding her in.

.

Holding Everett close to her chest, Mark held her other hand as they walked into the E.R. together. Jackson looked up and frowned, as if already knowing what was going to happen. He came over to Emily as Mark continued to the nurse's station.

"Is it true?" she asked quietly and he nodded. "Mark's dad? Or brother?"

"Too old to be a brother so I'm guessing it is his dad. As if being a parent wasn't stressful enough for him - hey, little guy." Jackson said, smiling at Everett who was drooling. The baby was asleep before but now he seemed fully aware. Rolling her eyes fondly, she shrugged her sleeve down over her hand and pinched it in the space between her thumb and index finger before wiping at her baby's mouth.

"What's he in for?" she asked, keeping a firm eye on Mark.

"Some crash or something. Dr. Sloan's not his emergency contact but he kept asking-"

"It's okay - can you take him?" Emily asked and Jackson nodded, picking up Everett from her arms. He hoisted him up, offering his finger to the infant as she took off the diaper bag and slid it onto Jackson's shoulder. "Okay. He's fed, his favourite toy is the dolphin and he definitely needs to sleep so read him a book or three."

"I'll take him up to the nursery." She pinned him with hazel daggers and he sighed loudly, "Fine! I'll stay with him and read him eight million books, alright?" Smiling, she nodded and patted his arm. The brunette mouthed 'thank you' before taking off her ring from her finger. Unclasping her necklace and sliding it on next to the intertwined rings, she put it back on before grabbing the hair tie around her wrist and tying her curls up into a bun.

Mark was about to enter the trauma room and she put a hand on his chest. "Do you really want to know?" she asked quietly, knowing how he felt about his parents. His fists clenched and she met his eyes steadily. "Mark."

"No. I don't but I'm going to have to go in."

"Well, family can't be in the same room so you'll wait outside, alright?" she whispered and he nodded. Grabbing a trauma gown on the way in, she snapped on a pair of gloves. Callie was already inside along with Webber. "What happened?"

"Motorcycle versus pedestrian," Callie informed, hooking up I.V.s. "You shouldn't be here; you have-"

"-one more week of mat leave, I know but Lexie told me who this was." She said, going to the head and taking off the C-Spine to let Callie see.

"Someone page neuro!" Webber called as Derek came in.

"No need. I was right behind them." The neurosurgeon took out his flashlight as Emily went to look at the x-rays. The whole right side where the impact was was a mess. "So is this really him?"

"Let's not speculate." Webber said. "Sloan's been through a lot lately." A warm gaze landed on Emily and she smiled sheepishly. "Where is he, by the way?"

"Avery's got him," she answered, glancing behind her to see if Mark was standing there. He wasn't. "If you meant Mark, I have no idea. He was right outside last I saw of him." Turning to Callie, she crossed her arms. "He's gonna need titanium screws to fix that arm. What're you thinking? Ex vivo?"

"Yep. Let's get a move on, people! We need to get him up to the O.R." Callie ordered as Webber put away the ultrasound.

"He's got contusions."

"Spine is stable. Page me for C.T." Derek commanded, pocketing his flashlight and heading for the door.

"Come on, let's go! Crossmatch blood and F.F.P. We're running on a time-frame." The Chief of Surgery pulled up the rails and Emily grabbed the I.V. stand as they booked it to the elevator.

.

Getting out of the O.R. and heading down to the waiting room, she saw Mark sitting there. His fingers fiddled with the watch she gave him and she sat down beside him. "So, he's okay - stable. But Webber found a tumour on the liver and it's up in path right now."

"Don't talk like me and him are family. We aren't,"

"Okay," she whispered, holding his hand. "What do you want to do then?"

"I don't want to sleep," he said. "Everett's up in the nursery. We - we can go see him." Getting up, she kissed him gently on the lips. He cupped her face, kissing back. "Em, if this guy's my dad-"

"One day at a time. We can do a paternity test tomorrow," she murmured, knowing that this was going to be one of many sleepless nights.

 **A/N: Edited - November 29, 2018**

 **Next:** **A Mr. Sloan asks for Mark.**


	61. Richard

_If it's taking this long, nobody survived._

 _-Mark Sloan_

* * *

"You dropped out of the Chief's trial?" Emily tucked her knees to her chest as she clacked her chopsticks and laid them in her sushi tray. Jackson, across from her, sighed as he sat back with his own frozen lasagna that he heated up in her microwave. "Why?"

"I was hanging out with Lex and she said… said something about awards." Realization dawning on her, Emily set down her half-empty tray and straightened out her legs along the couch. Jackson sighed from where he sat at the island in Emily's flat. Rocking the cradle, she looked into Everett's little face. Mark was off in a surgery and the two friends were hanging out.

"Jackson-"

"I know what you're going to say." Emily quietened and she picked up her child. Jackson got off from the stool and sat near her legs. Sitting up straight, she smiled at how Everett's adorable little face seemed to scrunch up as she took a hold of his little hand in its mitt. He was in a onesie that covered his tiny feet and hands, and Emily's heart melted when Everett let out a squeal, stretching in her arms.

"Baby's waking up," she whispered and he nodded, coming closer as she angled herself so she leaned against the back cushions. Jackson leaned in beside her as Everett opened his eyes, mouth opening as he woke. "You know, just 'cause Harper's your grandpa doesn't mean you let it hold you back. I get it, you know."

Jackson was quiet as Everett peered up at his mom's friend curiously. The man extended a finger for Everett to bat at with his mitted hand and there was a soft smile upon his face as he turned to Emily.

"I know."

.

Mark groaned when the baby monitor began to emit a high-pitched cry. Emily threw a hand over her eyes, exhausted.

"I got it," he mumbled blindly, sitting up like a robot. She rolled into his space on the bed as he went, completely passing out after having been the one to take care of their child over the past few months. It was nice for Mark to do his share of work.

It was nice to just _sleep._

.

Lies come out, whether it takes years or days.

Emily tossed her braid over her shoulder as she stood beside Jackson who was explaining Mark's latest pettiness. Her husband seemed to have something against the Avery and she was determined to get rid of it. If her husband couldn't take her best friend, then it would cause a lot of problems.

"It's probably because I slept with you once and I hang out with you too much," she teased as Meredith approached the nurse's station. Emily was working on charts for Mark's supposed father when a storm settled over the atmosphere. Looking up from where her cheek was resting against her hand, she tapped her pen against the chart.

"So they're probably gonna fire me." That caught all their attentions and she straightened up. Emily shared a glance with Jackson before returning her gaze to the blonde. "Are you happy?"

"Oh, come on. They're not gonna-"

"I want your crap out of my house by the end of the day."

"What the hell was that?" Cristina asked but before anyone could answer, their pagers blared. All the residents went down to the lobby and they saw a huge group of doctors already waiting. As the Chief explained the situation, she stood by Mark who immediately placed a hand on her shoulder, sliding it down to rub her arm. Tying up her hair, she slid her ring off and onto her necklace.

"Now, get to your stations."

Every doctor, nurse, and any other kind of worker sprung into action as people immediately began organizing charts. Her station was in the pit so she followed Bailey and Hunt down with the other residents. Taylor was already down there, organizing the chaos around him as he shouted orders like he was back in the military.

"Dr. Bailey, let's clear any beds that we can. Discharge or transfer."

"We have no ETA so we need to be ready!" the blond trauma attending yelled to the workers before he stormed over to them. Bailey and Meredith went to clear beds as Hunt continued.

"Alright, Torres, you'll be with me. Kepner set up the E.R. for triage." He passed a clipboard to the redhead, "Other Grey, I want you running the family center." Another to Lexie. "Take over the cafeteria. Yang, blood bank."

"Sloan can be the Candyman," Taylor added as the residents split up. "Let's be liberal with pain meds for the vics. Sedatives for patients that we're transferring. Avery, you help him. Moore, get up to the O.R. floor. Be our rotating resident for the day. You schedule that board like your life depends on it."

"Let's move, people."

.

She erased the whole board as Mark came up. He looked like he raided three whole cabinets of pain meds and sedatives. "Any new info?" she asked shortly and he shook his head.

"No."

"What about on Meredith?" Mark raised his eyebrows and she proceeded to explain, "She stormed up on us and told Alex that he got her fired. So whatever it is, it's bad." Sighing, the blue-eyed man nodded and headed for the elevator.

.

The whole board was clear and still no one was in. She was sitting in the pit with Mark, watching him play Angry Birds.

Her lab coat was gone, ready to hop into surgery if needed as she scrunched up her nose when he missed. "Mark, I love you, but your aim sucks," she teased and he nosed at her cheek, pecking her lightly. The news was on, replaying information they already knew as Lexie came down from the cafeteria.

"Still nobody? Oh, their families are going crazy." She sounded exhausted. "What is taking so long?" Taylor walked over, rubbing his girlfriend's arms.

"Fishin' two hundred people out of the water isn't easy." He pecked her forehead and Lexie crossed her arms, head dropping. Scratching the side of her neck, she only looked up when Owen began to speak.

"They'll do triage at the waterfront. It takes time. Actually, if they're taking this long, there's gonna be hypothermia. Kepner." The redhead hopped off the computer.

"Oh, yeah. Warm blankets, heated lamps, and heated I.V. fluids. Got it," she listed, heading to the supply closet as Emily took Mark's phone away from him. He'd been stuck on the same level for the past ten minutes.

"Give me that."

"Yeah, they're asking to speak to my supervisor," Lexie added and Taylor grimaced slightly. "Wanna come up?" She tried to propose the idea as inviting but it sounded anything but. In the end, the blond and brunette headed up.

"You post Chief Resident yet?" Mark asked as she got it on her first try. "Oh, that's rigged."

"I've been stuck at home with our son for the past eight million years. I need to be good at kid games," she riposted as Owen huffed a slight laugh.

"Uh, no. Not yet," the ginger answered after a moment. Emily looked up, realizing that it was the 'attending time' for them to all gossip. Rolling her eyes at how much of an impatient gossip Mark was, she went to find Jackson after handing Mark's phone back to him.

"What's the holdup?"

"The suspense ain't killing me. It's gonna be Grey," Callie sighed, pushing out from where she was sitting on a stool, reading a magazine.

"That's cold, hard betrayal," Mark called out. "You invest all your time in Emily and then say it isn't gonna be her. Harsh. I think it's going to be her."

"You have to," Arizona laughed, "She'll kill you if you don't say that. Well, I thought Karev made a great play for it. A plane full of orphans… that's pretty impressive."

"Ah, he's already decided," Callie told her wife and Mark scoffed. "You don't have to lobby for your _boy._ " Arizona gawked at her in offense as the Chief walked past them and towards Alex. Emily returned with Jackson for sedatives and Mark watched her interact with the man.

She patted him on the arm with a smile before saying something about delivering them to the patients.

"I'll meet you up there?" she asked and Jackson turned to Mark's wife with a nod. She turned away, sending a smile Mark's way before leaving the pit. Jackson was about to go when Mark put down his phone, got up and called to him.

"Avery, wait." He looked up, green eyes meeting blue ones. "I know there's always been… this thing between us. Because of Em and then you quit the Chief's trial - it all didn't make sense to me. You're a good man, and I get why Emily likes you. So… we're okay. With all the sleeping and the breaking up and now you hang out with her a lot, and I'm saying… I'm saying that we're okay."

"We were… always okay, but sure?" the resident trailed off, walking after his friend as Mark stood there, awkward.

"Real smooth, genius," Callie called and he scowled at her.

"Hey, he slept with my wife."

"Yeah, years ago," Arizona scoffed and he glared at the blonde.

"So Karev sleeping with Torres doesn't bother you anymore?" The perky blonde was quiet and then conceded.

"Fair point."

.

After telling all her assigned families that their members were dead, she sat in the E.R. bed. It was empty, quiet, as Mark sat down beside her with Everett in his arms.

"Hey," she greeted wearily and he sat down beside her. "Did you check up on your not-Dad?" He shook his head.

"He's been transferred to Seattle Pres. Coming back tomorrow," he informed quietly and she rested her temple against his shoulder. "You alright?" He knew when she was being quiet, she wanted to say something.

"I got Chief Resident," she informed quietly and Everett grabbed at her shirt. Picking up her son, she sighed and cuddled him close. "Hey, baby," she whispered, kissing his cheek as he wrapped his arms around her neck. He cooed back at her and she smiled tiredly, inhaling his soft scent. Leaning against Mark, she just looked at their son who had his father's eyes.

April was pushing a computer back to its original place and Mark got up, stretching his legs. "I had a reason to come in here," he said, clicking his pen and going over to the list of clipboards. "I needed to sign some people in. Cafeteria is pandemonium. Wailing people everywhere." Emily scooted back onto the bed, settling her three-month old son in between her legs as he rested his head against her stomach.

"Are you admitting anyone?" April asked softly, walking over to the stationary med cabinet as Mark answered that they're admitting people for sedatives. The computer beeped and Everett made a whining sound at the back of his throat at the computer. Emily picked him up, hoisting him onto her chest as the phone rang.

Mark returned to his wife and child, swooping him up and kissing his cheek before holding him close as the phone rang. April went to pick up as Emily stood.

"E.R." There was a pause and the Sloans looked at the redhead. "There's a survivor." Emily and Mark shared looks. "It's a kid."

"I'm taking him back up to the nursery," she said swiftly as Mark shrugged off his lab coat.

.

Bending over, she took the granola bar through the vending machine near the E.R. Patients were being brought back in and she gazed through the blinds and saw Mark standing there. Putting in a few more coins, she bought a can of soda and took the two items to stand beside him.

"Hey," she whispered, handing him the can of soda. "Is he back yet?"

"Yeah. Biopsy is still going through he's, uh, he's near the bottom of the list so…" She nodded. His pager beeped and she glanced at it when he didn't pick it up. Grabbing it for him, she saw it was from Bailey.

"Bailey's paging you. Have you done a paternity test yet?" He nodded and together, they went to the General wing. Mark sipped on his pop nervously in the elevator and Emily wondered if he realized he was gripping onto the elevator rail like a lifeline. Pressing the button for the nursery, she crossed her arms and looked at him.

"Em?" Why wasn't she coming out with him?

"I'll be right back. If you want to find out by yourself, you can but I think Everett might be able to work his charm on his Papa," she said fondly and he tried a weak smile. It was true. Their son could cheer him up from almost anything. So he got out, the doors closing behind her and found Bailey who handed him a sheet of paper without any words. The short woman just gave him a understanding look through her dark eyes and he nodded, taking it and sitting down. He didn't want to look and only read the title.

 _DNA Paternity Evaluation Report_

Followed by his blood type and other such listed items. The elevator dinged and there he saw his son in an adorable knitted pumpkin hat even though it was summer and he wore these socks on his tiny feet. He was sleeping soundly and Emily was holding the diaper bag on her shoulder as she walked over and sat beside him. She slung the diaper bag off before adjusting her grip on Everett so he was more comfortable.

"Mark." Her voice was quiet to prevent from waking his son up and he gazed into his baby's soft face. God, he was so cute. "So?" His blue eyes searched her face, then landed on the rings on her necklace. She was there, she was there for him. He leaned over and kissed her slowly before taking a deep breath, bracing himself.

Then he looked at the paper. It was arranged in a table of sorts. Name, race, dates.

 _DNA Paternity Evaluation Report_

 _Mother: Janet Martha Sloan (née Parkers)_

 _Child: Mark Everett Sloan_

 _Alleged Father: Richard William Sloan_

 _Case Number: 6821 Report Date: June 20, 2011_

Then there was a bunch of crap about genetic makeup and at the bottom, all the numbers of the paternity index were added together, labelled as _Combined Paternity Index._ Next to it, _Probability of Paternity: 99.99%_

He read the number over and over again, trying to make sense of it all before raking his eyes downwards near the bottom.

 _Richard W. Sloan cannot be excluded as the biological father of Mark E. Sloan. Using the above systems, the probability of paternity is 99.99%..._

There it was. His signature, followed by his father's and the physicians.

"Fuck," he croaked and Emily came closer immediately. She hugged him and he hugged both her and his son, trying to swallow back his tears. "Em, it's him. After all these years, it's really him. That son of a bitch," he whispered and she kissed near his ear. "I need to see him." Her arm tightened and she nodded. Together, they stood and Bailey lead them to where a man was on the bed. He was awake and when the family went in, he raised his bed so he sat up.

"Are you my surgeon?" he asked and Mark scoffed. Emily's anger flared up inside her and she held Everett closer. Her son buried his face in the shade of her neck and hair and continued to snore softly as she glared at him. The man who made Mark's life hell, who made him run to the Shepherds, was here in front of her. And she hated herself for how she immediately identified the parts of Mark in that man's face.

"Figures you wouldn't recognize your own son," Mark snapped, arms crossing. "Why are you even here?"

"Mark?" The man sat up higher and she slipped her free hand into Mark's. He was wearing his silver band and she squeezed his palm tighter. "I was in Boston and I heard Dr. Noah Moore in the news - you went to med school with him, right?" He squinted at them and Mark had the look of utter disgust on his face.

"Glad to know you actually paid some attention to him," Emily finally commented sharply and Mark sent her a warning glance.

"And who are you? Some girl he roped into with his kid?" She felt the same disgust that showed on Mark's face curl up on her face.

"I'm his wife, actually," she said coldly. "And this is _our_ son. Richard, right? Or do you prefer to go by Dick? My bad, where are my manners?" A smirk occupied her lips without meaning to and Mark snorted. Before Richard could say anything, Mark continued.

"Why are you here, anyway? I'm pretty sure you aren't here for a family reunion. You haven't properly talked to me since - when was it?" The cruel tone in Mark's voice made Emily wince and she looked up at him. Wrapping an arm around his bicep, she watched him, mask of stone. "Since dear old mom's funeral, isn't that right?" Everything froze over and she tried tugging him away.

"Mark, you know I tried-"

"Really? Because I never got a single damn call." He swallowed and Emily could see the fragile kid neglected - who turned on all the lights so he could pretend someone was home. "Em, go home. Everett needs to sleep." Her arm loosened but she still kept a grip on him.

"I'm not leaving you alone with Dick." She cocked an eyebrow expressively at the nickname and he smirked weakly, kissing her forehead and cupping her face.

"I'll be okay," he assured her and she backed away. His blue eyes glowed at her pleadingly and she nodded.

"I'll have dinner waiting. I promise."

 **A/N: Edited - November 29, 2018**

 **Next:** **Meredith's lies are fully revealed and Dick Sloan's biopsy results are returned.**


	62. Andrew

_I don't have anybody. You guys are all I have. You have to forgive me!_

 _-Alex Karev_

* * *

Getting out of her car, she slammed the door shut and got onto the land to see Derek pushing the wheelbarrow full of stones up the hill. Crossing her arms around herself to keep the heat from escaping, she narrowed her eyes and walked up to him, heeled boots squishing through the morning-dew-coated grass.

"You look nice," he said and she narrowed her eyes at him. "What's the occasion?"

"Why are you here?"

"I'm working on the house." Shaking her head, she shivered against the wind.

"Why are you here, and not at home with Meredith?" she asked because she had a perfectly good bed at home where it wasn't cold and it happened to have her attractive husband still sleeping. But the thought nagging at her, that Meredith could be fired, kept her awake so here she was.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Derek." Following after him to the deck, she spotted his car and climbed onto the front, letting her legs hang down as she watched him work. He dumped some cement or something onto the beginnings of the fireplace and set another stone on top. "Derek, she's my friend. In your mind, she's not your wife, she's my friend, and she's now my resident." The neurosurgeon paused and turned to her, setting the stone down.

Derek's lips pressed together as if recalling a moment, the moment his life changed. "She messed with the Alzheimer's trial."

.

"So, I went to Derek's land last week," Emily announced with a huff as she got into the on-call room. Mark looked up from his magazine as she collapsed onto his bed and snuggled up against him. "And he did tell me what happened before he kicked me off his land."

"Meredith messed up with his trial. I know. Hunt's with him too."

"So there's something going on with Cristina, too," she deduced against him and he chuckled, running a hand through her hair. "Everett wouldn't go to sleep and I had a surgery with Webber. Are the biopsy results back yet?"

"Nope." He popped the 'p', putting down the magazine and gazing down at her fondly. "Don't you have that breakfast thing? Chief Resident and stuff."

"Oh, yeah." She raised her head tiredly, hazel eyes flickering up to meet his. "Right. Crap."

"Come on, let's go." She got up with a groan and he sat beside her, pecking her temple before getting up and grabbing his coat. "Em,"

"Coming," she said, getting up and holding his hand as they headed to the cafeteria. A new group of interns, led by Lexie, passed them and the brunette mouthed frantic words at them. Emily snorted, laughing as Mark smirked. Running over her speech in her head, she said hello to Cristina. The Asian simply ignored her and Emily sighed.

"You the only one with a stable household at the moment? Saw Karev sleeping in a patient's room a few days back," Mark muttered in her ear and she glanced at him. She knew he was saying it as a teasing remark but she couldn't take it that way.

"Yeah. I think so," she commented softly before heading into the cafe. Fifth-year residents were lining up for breakfast foods and Mark headed straight for the muffins. Sitting down, she leaned her head against her hand and closed her eyes.

"Coffee?" Opening her eyes, she saw April offering her a steaming cup and smiled, sitting up.

"Thanks."

"You looked like you need it. You've been working your tail off since this whole thing started," the redhead chirped and Emily took a deep sip before sighing in relief. Just what she needed. "Are you going to make a speech?"

"I had one prepared but I don't think I need to. The residents can do whatever they want. They're already here, chatting with an attending and eating. Surgeons don't want to be welcomed by their new 'boss'." She bent two fingers with her free hand as quotation marks as April chuckled. "Have you found a mentor yet?"

"Uhm, no."

"Well, go. Don't bother sucking up to me," she joked and April gave a nervous laugh. "You don't know what you want to focus in?" Mark and Jackson passed, her husband holding an apple as Jackson gave her a wide-eyed pleading look. _Help._

"Trauma." Callie was approaching the table with an omelette.

"Then go ask Hunt or Jacks." She shrugged, "I'm one-hundred percent sure that Jacks isn't taken and he'll gladly mentor anyone." April was red as they both glanced at the blond trauma surgeon who was talking to some other resident. The door opened and in came Owen Hunt. "And Hunt's good. They both have experience. It's really up to you. Go get 'em, tiger."

April nodded, jaw set and determined as Callie took her place. "Wow, you're really doing the whole encouraging Chief Resident thing." The two women watched as April approached Hunt. They started talking and found a table as Emily sent Callie a smile.

"When you become a mom, your patience is stretched to its limit," Callie laughed, digging into her breakfast. "Everett would _not_ go to sleep so I am running on…" She held up the coffee— "this, and the fact that I might get my hands into some juicy trauma cases."

"Wait, so you're not even going to ask me to be your mentor?" Emily grinned at her friend, rolling her eyes.

"Do I even have to ask?"

.

"I got fired." Emily stopped from where she was about to put on her second rubber glove and turned around. Meredith was standing there, staring at Alex icily. The sirens were coming closer but she blocked it out as the words echoed in her ears. "The Chief fired me."

"You son of a bitch." Cristina turned to Alex, slugging him on the arm. "I mean, are you happy now?" Pushing him, she continued, "'Cause this is all because of you." Alex tried to escape the barrage but ended up pinned against the ambulance.

"Guys!" she yelled, hoping it'd be enough.

"You and your big, fat, stupid mouth! All your fault."

"Get off me!" Exhaling sharply, she walked over and shoved Cristina away.

"Hey! This isn't the time or place. Duke it out _after._ " Her voice was low and Cristina met her eyes darkly. " _Cristina._ " Levelling Alex with a glare as well, she watched as he went with the paramedics to the scene. She didn't want to see him anyways. As the rigs pulled up, she watched Meredith follow Bailey and Cristina as she went up with Lexie to the second patient.

She needed to take a deep breath. She could do this.

Meredith had no place in her head for now.

.

Working in the OR with Taylor was like something out of a dream. It was perfectly relaxing, going at a good pace and the patient was stable. Bailey swung in by and Emily looked up from where she was working on debriding the guy's arm.

"I need a resident with me today. And I am not babysitting a first-year." The woman was already in scrubs and ready to operate. Emily thought fast. Cristina was with Teddy, Alex was doing whatever it was. She didn't care - as long as he wasn't in the way. And Meredith…

She didn't work here anymore.

"Little Grey," she finally said. "She's free. Either her or April." The surgeon nodded and left with a swift and sarcastic 'thank you'. Sighing, she rolled back her shoulders and picked up the forceps when the intercom buzzed.

" _Hey, Em."_ That voice. Looking up, she saw Meredith near the speaker, pressing the button. " _I need you to reassign my cases so just sign 'em off when you have time."_ Taylor looked up when Emily's hands stalled. The brunette let her hands drop, resting against the table as she stared at the suction. She couldn't believe this.

"Mer, you can't give up like this," Emily pleaded, looking up at her friend. "Do you want me to put in a good word? You're a surgeon."

" _No, it's okay. I have time. I'll wait."_

"Make sure a nurse gets it to me then or something."

" _Thanks, Em._ " Returning to her task, she nodded. The next time she looked up, Meredith was gone and Taylor was gazing at her.

"Chief Resident ain't being all it's cracked up to be," he said a matter-of-factly. "You look like you haven't slept in ages."

"And you look like you haven't slept on a good bed in years," she shot back. There were a few too many times she had caught him in an on-call room several nights in a row. "You and Lex still having fights?"

"No," he lied quickly and she snorted. "Family crap. Kids or not. Same old." The blond relented, "I love the hell out of her."

"Me, too. Which is why I don't want you forcing her into anything. I love the both of you." Her voice was soft as the two surgeons began to finish up.

"3-0 vicryl. So what do I do?" he asked as if she were the wise one. Really, she wasn't. "Since you now have a kid, are Chief Resident, and happily married."

"Really?" She rolled her eyes. The O.R. phone blared and a nurse picked it up.

"Dr. Bailey is paging you to the E.R., Dr. Moore. It's urgent," the nurse reported and Emily groaned. She didn't want to go down to the pit today.

"I'm on my way," she said anyways and headed to the scrub room. Taylor chuckled as the brunette shoved her O.R. gown into the bin with annoyance.

.

"Hey, _gunther,_ " she teased, coming up to Jackson who rolled his eyes. "Aren't you amazing?"

"Shut _up,_ " he complained, only half-joking. He was heading into the nurse's station near the lobby. "Sloan went all pedo-dad on me in there."

"I heard. April told me." She glanced into the office where April was doing her charts. Hunt had stacked on cases for the redhead to deal with pressure under a strict deadline. The woman was working furiously and Jackson smiled at his friend. "Sorry about it. At least he likes you now, right?" He scoffed.

"Have you talked to Karev?"

"No. I want to but I need to go talk to Mark." He gave her a nod before going inside the office. She continued on her way and went to the nursery where Mark was holding Everett while sitting on a beanbag. Crashing down beside him on a red beanbag, she nudged her chair closer to his and leaned against him, crossing one leg over the other.

Everett cooed upon seeing his mom. Letting go of Mark's finger, he batted his hands in her direction. Mark smirked, kissing his son's nose. In response, Everett stuck out his tongue, eyes squinting close and Emily took out her phone, snapping pictures of her son. Her photo album was already full of him but she just needed more.

"Hey, Em," Mark mumbled after a while, kissing her temple and she sighed, enjoying the time she had with her family. It seemed there were very few times recently where Mark wasn't burdened with the weight of his dad. Mark felt Everett getting restless and changed his position so he stopped cradling him and held him so Everett's head rested on his shoulder. He cradled his bum and held his back as Emily tickled the baby's cheek.

"Dr. Moore, Dr. Sloan?" a new voice interrupted them after almost twenty minutes of alone time. It was an intern with a sheet of paper.

"Dr. Bailey wanted me to give you this. She said I shouldn't page you. That it's extremely important." The two surgeons looked at each other before standing up. Everett was placed back in his crib, already nearly asleep and Emily leaned over to kiss her son goodbye.

"I'll see you in a bit, sweetheart." She had to tear herself away as Mark grabbed the paper. They exited the nursery when he paused.

"I'm scared." Blue met hazel and she cupped his face, turning him to look at her. Determination against fear.

"I know. But no matter what, you have us."

They stood there for a moment, neither moving. Then there was a squeeze of the hand and he let go, gripping the paper so hard it crinkled. He read the words before coming completely limp.

"He has a malignant sarcoma in his heart that's metastasized to the lungs and kidney. Carcinoma. Em… it's bad. His white blood cell count—" His voice turned bitter and angry— "he should've gotten help sooner."

"Do you want to see him?" she asked and hugged him. Running her hands along the inside of his lab coat and settling on his back, she listened to his heart beating in his chest. "To yell at him? Do you want to operate? Sex? Our son?" Pulling her head back, she searched his eyes. "Tell me what I can do."

He kissed her softly on the lips, gently before pressing their foreheads together.

"We can go see Meredith and Derek," he said and she raised her eyebrows.

"What happened?" He sighed, looking away.

"It's something to do with the adoption." Nodding, the Sloans headed for the Shepherds. It seemed families were crumbling all around them. Including the hospital itself.

.

"Hey, Alex." She perched on the edge of the bed as the surgeon avoided looking into her eyes. "You gonna talk to me?"

"Shouldn't you be mad? Furious?" he asked shortly and she sighed.

"I am mad. I am so _fucking_ mad that this has happened. You cost Meredith her job, and now they might lose a baby but you're on my team. Chief Resident and all that. Besides—" A slight smile— "you were my drinking buddy. You _are_ my drinking buddy. I know you didn't mean for all of this to happen." Alex finally regarded her, nervous. Shaking her head, she unwrapped her stethoscope. "Sit up." When he didn't move, she glowered at him. " _Now._ " He finally pushed himself up and she took his vitals. "You're fine."

"I knew that." He flopped back down and he sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. "I just want to take it all back." Crossing her arms, she stared at him. "If they lose Zola, it's gonna be on me."

"It is on you. And it's on Meredith. And it's on Webber," she said, relenting at last. "You can't take all the blame because of what you saw." Retreating to the door, she turned to throw some last words over her shoulder. "Get some sleep. Cristina told me she's gonna run an EKG."

"Em-"

"Dr. Yang will be here in an hour or so." Exiting the room, she went to find Mark and pick up their son.

.

Her damn phone was ringing. Where was it? Emily reached blindly for the phone on her night stand. "What is that?" Mark groaned against her neck and she grunted as she finally found the damn thing. Blinking, she made a face at the bright screen.

"What?" she complained, closing her eyes and flopping back down as Mark mumbled something and hugged her closer.

" _Sorry, were you sleeping?"_

"Ugh, Noah, I love you but you're super inconvenient. I just got Chief Resident and I have a baby. I'm _tired._ "

" _I wish this could wait but something just happened."_ His voice was serious and she sat up. She was wearing her most comfy pajamas, and Mark wanted to hug her like a teddy bear. His arm tightened around her waist and Emily smiled when his face buried into her waist. " _We need to talk._ "

"Mark, I'll be in the living room," she told her husband. After detaching herself from her husband, who made a sound of acknowledgement before rolling into her space and taking up the whole bed, she slipped on a robe to keep herself warm. Walking into the living room, she switched on the lights before sitting on the red love chair near the fireplace. Tucking her knees into her chest to maintain heat, she leaned against the back cushion, eyes still droopy. "Okay, I'm-"

A baby's cry pierced the air and Emily groaned.

" _Go get him._ " Noah sounded impatient so Emily walked as fast as she could as quietly as she could into the spare bedroom that had been transformed into a nursery. Ever since they've been searching a for a new house, the nursery has been bland with only a crib and a changing table.

Everett was wailing and Emily picked him up. He burrowed his saliva covered and tear infested face into her shoulder and she thanked God she was wearing a thick shirt. "I'm here, I'm here." Returning to her seat with her son, she picked up the phone once more. "Noah?"

Someone was speaking in the background and her stomach dropped when she realized she could understand every single word from the voice.

"Noah, _con chi stai parlando?_ " She knew that voice. She had woken up to that voice before. She had dreamt of hearing that voice for so long...

"Noah?" she hissed and he finally returned to the speaker after a quiet remark in the same language. "Why does that sound like-"

" _It's Mom._ " She hadn't heard Italian in so long… not since Dad left Mom. Dad was French, Mom was Italian. Being fluent in two languages had always given her an upperhand. But now… now she felt confused. She felt bitter. She felt… she felt alone. " _She's been admitted."_ Holding her son closer, she closed her eyes.

"What?"

" _I don't know how or why. I just saw her and… I don't know._ " He sounded so lost and Emily wanted to stand and punch a wall. Her mother… the one who left her. Who was supposed to be strong _for them._ Who just left. She hasn't seen her mother in… nearly fifteen years.

"What are we going to do?"

" _She has a new family. Do we even have to care?"_

"She what?" Her voice cracked like a whip. Offended and disgusted, she stood and paced back and forth as Everett dozed off. "So she up and leaves and then starts a new family. I never knew what happened. If they divorced… or…"

" _I know. I just thought I needed to tell you. No one knows yet except us. Do you want to-"_

"What's wrong with her?"

" _I don't know. I… I know you can't leave but we can transfer her to Seattle. If you want."_

"Noah… Mark's dad is here. I can't. There'll be too much conflict," she argued and he was silent on the other end. "Noah, if it's really Mom - I can't. She has another family. She doesn't need us anymore."

" _Em-_ "

"She left me alone. I don't want to see her," she snapped loudly and Everett woke up. Without realizing it, her eyes began to burn. Everett began to cry louder than before and she frantically tried to calm him down.

" _Dr. Moore, she's asking for you,"_ a new voice came into hearing. It was younger and sounded nervous.

" _I'll be there in a moment, Andrew."_

"And who was that?" she asked hotly as Noah turned back.

" _And that… was our half-brother."_

Fuck.

 **A/N: Edited - December 1, 2018**

 **Next: E** **mily revisits her old haunts and learns more of her mother's sudden reappearance.**


	63. Revelations

_Sometimes the past is something you can't let go of. And sometimes the past is something we'll do anything to forget._

 _-Meredith Grey_

* * *

She didn't know how Mark convinced her to come here. The airport was just as she remembered it as Everett squirmed in her arms. The baby had been quiet throughout the plane ride but now he was beginning to become restless. He was tired.

So was she.

"I know, Ev," she mumbled as she grabbed her luggage off the conveyor belt. Unlike last time, no one waited for her. No Harper Avery, no friends, nothing.

No Tom.

This was going to be harder than she thought. She wished Mark was here but he was busy with his father and had assured her that Kepner would keep in touch as she became sort of an interim Chief Resident.

Walking to the taxis, she crossed the road and was about to enter a yellow cab when there was a call of her name.

"Emily!" Head snapping up, she saw Theresa there with her minivan. Smiling slightly, she headed over. "Didn't Noah tell you I was coming?"

"Nope." At that, Theresa rolled her eyes and opened the door for her tired sister-in-law. "He's been busy." The pediatrician's smile disappeared and was replaced by a sympathetic expression. "I can't believe this is happening."

"I never knew you came from an Italian family," Theresa began to say after they settled Everett into the car seat and began the drive to the Moore household. Emily was quiet, stiff with the thought of her mother. "Noah's never mentioned it to me."

"No one mentions it. It's an unspoken rule," she said shortly. "It's not something we like to remember." Theresa had a quiet smile on her face and shook her head. Emily didn't find the humour in the situation. "What?"

"You two are so similar. It's crazy," she commented. "You and Noah. And I've said it before, but there are moments when you guys really are siblings," she clarified after a moment when Emily glared at her. The name _Andrew_ echoed in her head. "Not you and your… half siblings."

"There's more than one?" Emily asked sharply and she jamed an open palm into the glove compartment in front of her, causing the contents to rattle. Her wrist blossomed, hot with pain that seeped into her bones.

"Yeah…" At first, Theresa was hesitant but when hazel met green, she turned her gaze back to the road and added, "A son and a daughter."

"No!"

"Emily-"

Hot shame and anger washed over her as Emily pitched forward, hands digging through her hair. She was replaced. Her mom left and replaced her because Noah and her somehow… they messed up. And Dad… Dad messed up. He screwed someone on the side, left Mom and married her instead. And Mom disappeared because she couldn't take it. All the rage from being abandoned flooded her in full force. She was the problem. That would make sense.

That's why her mom replaced her.

A son and a daughter to replace the fuck-ups.

She was the problem.

Fat tears welled in her eyes, and when she blinked, they fell over the chasm and down her wrists and into her mouth. Theresa was quiet, just driving and she couldn't help but try to stifle her sobs. Emily sniffed noisily, gazing blearily at the black smudges that marred her skin as she wiped away her tears.

"Why?" she whispered and her mind was such a mess that she could barely speak.

She was the problem.

"Sometimes, people do things to be happy." Theresa chanced a glance at her/ "And sometimes people do things so others can be happy," Tte brunette pediatrician continued, "The last time you were in Boston, things happened."

 _Tom died._ Theresa didn't need to say it. _Tom died and you lost a baby._ And then her own voice replaced her sister-in-law's, _And then you broke up with Mark. Because you needed to heal. You needed to be happy. And now you're married to him, with a beautiful baby boy._

 _So what?_

"And it's happening again. Em, please, talk to your mom. Talk to Noah. You both close up and I don't speak your language as fluently as others of your clan do."

She was the problem.

"I'll talk to Noah," she said and Theresa frowned. That wasn't the answer she was fishing for and Emily knew. Still, the brunette surgeon merely tried in vain to silence the storm of thoughts in her head until only one remained.

 _She was the problem._

.

Entering the familiar halls of Mass Gen wasn't something she thought would be a pleasant experience but it turned out not that bad. The E.R. was busy, there were a few nurses she remembered, but none of them stopped to say hello to her. After washing up at her brother's, she had her hair up in a sensible bun and as little makeup as possible without looking like a mess.

Wearing jeans, a cardigan and a tight-fit white shirt, she strolled the halls where she was supposed to meet Noah at the peds ward. Standing near the nurse station, she drummed her fingers on the clean service without having the head nurse give her a dirty look as she looked down the hall, not focusing on anything.

"Emily?" Blinking, she looked up at the familiar face. Red hair, blue eyes, surprised, tentative smile on his lips. Davin.

"Davin." A smile crossed her own face briefly and she hugged him tightly, patting him on the back before pulling back. "I… you're here? In peds? Wasn't urology your thing?" He shrugged and she inspected him closely.

"Yeah. I'm supposed to be meeting Matthew. He has a case in peds." An uneasy smile was shared. "The guy specializing in peds, he isn't great," the ginger admitted and the smile dropped off Emily's face. "He's not Tom."

"Oh." And a wall instantly rose between them. She saw the weary lines carved into his face, the weight of his smile. Bringing her left hand up to brush stray wisps behind her ears, Emily looked away.

"Congratulations," Davin added awkwardly and hazel eyes flicker back to blue ones. "On your marriage. I didn't know."

"A lot has changed," she told him. "My son is in the daycare." It wasn't an easy choice but Theresa had a packed day.

"That's good. I'm happy for you," he murmured and she nodded. "I wish you came more often but I know it's still hard." Davin looked lost of words. He was the one who wasn't the closest with Tom but still, grief marked his face.

"Yeah." She looked to her shoes, scuffing them against the polished floor. "Who got Chief Resident this year?" Davin smiled, the topic more familiar and he seemed to glow with pride.

"Matthew did."

"That's good. That's really good - he deserves it."

"I'm guessing you got it in Seattle," he said. Emily didn't answer and the ginger shoved his hands into his pockets. "That's good that you're doing well, then. You'd be a good Chief Resident. Bossed us around more than enough while you were here."

"Ella did all the bossing," the woman said quickly and Davin cracked a genuine, humble smile. "I just supported her 'cause 'girl power' and she was almost always right."

"Absolutely disgusting." Sharing a quiet laugh, the two old friends just stared at each other before she turned to the counter, finger tracing circles along the smooth surface. "You had a reason to come here, didn't you?"

"I'm here to see Noah," she explained briefly. "But, I heard Ella doesn't work here anymore."

"She moved a bit after he died."

"Brigham's. Right." And her fingers got back to drumming. "Neuro?"

"Yeah." A beat. "What's the emergency?"

"Something private," she informed pithily. The woman chanced a glance at him. Davin looked pained. There was a time where she would've spilled everything at once but two years were two years, and they were two different people standing in the exact same place.

"Of course. Well, we're here if you need us. Matt and I," he clarified and she nodded again. The request would not be taken upon. Both of them knew that. It was something said out of common courtesy, out of honor for old friendship. Out of hope that _maybe._ Maybe there could be a chance for them to be friends again. "It's good to see you. For real." His finger ran over the side of the pen he held, close to clicking it but not really.

"Yeah, yeah, of course." And she replied just to finish it. To tie up the loose end.

"Dr. Olson, get back to work." There was her brother. Turning, she saw the man approach as Davin, with an almost wistful smile to Emily, left. "Hey, Emi." He opened his arms and she ran into them like she was still a kid and instantly settled in easily.

"No'." And she squeezed his waist tightly. A sense of calm fell over her as he pulled back and she tucked strands of hair behind her ear. "Are we going to do this or not?" she breathed deeply and he brushed a thumb over her cheek before wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

"Together," he promised and she smiled weakly. Leaning on him, arm around his waist, she nodded. "Come on." The Moore siblings made their way up to the room but Noah lead the way. He knew the maze better than she. When they reached the room, she saw someone standing outside and her heart instantly skipped beats. A man stood, taller than her but shorter than Noah with a head full of thick black hair and a complexion as tan as hers. There was the beginnings of a beard and he looked exhausted, worn out.

His arms were crossed and when he heard footsteps, he looked up. She blinked, taken aback.

"Andrea, she is calling for you," an accented voice called and a new head popped out of the room. Thick, tumbling brown curls attached to a sunshiny face and wide, expressive eyes. Oh, hello. Dr. Moore." The woman came out completely.

"Carina. Andrew. This is my sister, Dr. Moore. She's one of the best ortho residents I've ever seen." Emily glared at her brother half-heartedly but did stick out a hand which Andrew took first.

"Andrew. DeLuca," he added as an afterthought and she smiled fakely before Carina took her hand. "This is my sister," the man continued with a slight grievance in his tone like his sister was being her usual annoying self.

"Carina DeLuca. Andrea, _go in,_ " she reminded her brother who did so. "Sorry. Is there anything you wanted to update us on?" Emily noted her sunny smile, her bright eyes. Like her mother, but not completely hers. Just slight differences where you could tell they weren't related, but maybe that was just Emily's wishful thinking.

"Emily knows Mrs. DeLuca. We haven't seen her for a while so if you could just give us some privacy?"

" _Sì._ Of course. I will go see where my father is." Emily felt her hackles rise as Carina walked past with another grin. She didn't react; Noah's firm grip was keeping her planted. This was okay, this was fine. _She_ was fine. Noah gave her to the count of three before opening the door. Andrew was sitting on the bed, talking casually in Italian but stopped as soon as they entered.

"We'd like a word," Noah spoke in _that_ voice. The one that he used in the army, the one he used in the O.R. Cool, professional, but still, there was a possibility of giving way to the red hot magma under the thin ice.

"Of course. Where's Carina?" Emily refused to look at the bed. She refused to acknowledge the person there.

"Looking for Mr. DeLuca." She found it in her to respond, surprising her. Andrew nodded and tried to smile.

"Alright. Call me if you need me, Mom."

"Of course, Andrea _._ " Andrew left the room and the door clicked with a soft shut as Noah crossed his arms. Emily finally looked up, forcing herself to look in the direction. She looked, but she tried not to see.

It was an impossible feat.

"Milly." And immediately she felt years of anger, desperation and loneliness come to bite her in the ass.

"I'm sorry, _what?_ " Daggers for eyes, Emily Moore stood an effigy of fury as she glared at her estranged mother. "Sorry. Dad cheats on you, you leave two kids alone and you get to come back with a new family. Yeah, I don't think so." She laughed bitterly and Noah did not reign her back as he normally would. And she knew why. He felt exactly the same way. Perhaps worse. Perhaps better. Emily could not give him a second thought when she stood before the woman who dared to call her by that name.

"Milly-"

"You don't get to call me that." She cut through the air with her arm. "You lost that right."

"Emily London Moore!" At this, Emily nearly flinched. It was the tone of a mother who ruled the household with an iron fist. The tone of a woman who she no longer knew. "You don't speak that way-"

"No! You don't get to control me anymore. I am _thirty-four._ I'm a surgeon. I grew up without you and I've been fine so far. You do not get to act as if you have any kind of _authority_ over me." Her voice cracked like a whip. "I came here to make sure you were even alive. To see how sick you are for myself."

"Em-" The brunette gazed at her brother, blind for a moment. "What do you see?" he asked and Emily turned cold, dead eyes to her mother.

"Nothing. I don't see… _anything._ " Noah smiled emptily and she turned to the door. "I'm going to pick up Everett. He probably doesn't like Boston." Returning her eyes the woman she had called her mother once, she offered her most ironic smile she could muster whilst keeping herself together. "I know I don't."

The sound of the door clicking closed was somehow louder than the slam of the door she knew would've rattled her bones.

.

"Come on, sweetheart."

Emily sighed as Everett cooed and burrowed his face deeper into her shirt to sleep. She had come at the worst time, when nap time was just starting, and she had promised her son that she'd be as quiet as possible. Unfortunately, that meant wrapping him in his baby carrier and that meant drool. So far, she was dry but she wasn't prepared for the slobber. Waiting in the elevator, she watched the floor lights change as she burrowed through the diaper bag for a towel.

The elevator doors opened and she backed into the corner as a swarm of people came in. Returning her gaze to her bag, she finally pulled out a blue towel, carefully dabbing at herer son's chin before letting her arm drop, keeping it firmly in her grasp in case she needed it. The doors closed once more and they continued on the way down to the lobby.

Another floor passed. Third floor. That was the ortho wing. Her home away from home. Once. The cafe was also on this floor and everyone flooded out, only another coming in. She was surprised to see Andrew but he gave her a smile.

"Hey."

"Hello." She smiled tightly, "Where's Carina?"

"With Dad. I wanted to walk around a bit," he said, shrugging. "Is that your son?" Nodding, she pushed off the wall and came closer. Everett was sleeping soundly and Emily cradled him protectively.

"Yeah, his name's Everett," she replied, "I had him just over three months ago."

"He's cute. Looks a lot like you," he remarked and her smile, though it shrunk, was genuine. "Are you a doctor as well?"

"Can't have a famous doctor brother without being a surgeon yourself," she confirmed and he rubbed the back of his neck. "How about you?"

"I'm in my third year of university. Planning to get into med school though." _Doctors must run in the family,_ she mused as the doors opened. "Do you work here? Dr. Moore didn't tell me much about you."

"I used to. I work at Seattle Grace now." They exited the lift and walked through the pit. With no destination in mind now, Emily simply went where her heart wanted to.

"So you work with Derek Shepherd? And Mark Sloan? I heard he's working on a clinical trial." Emily nodded. Facial reanimation. It was already something but he wanted to improve it. Shorten the recovery time, gain more mobility on patients with facial paralysis. Or did he mean Derek, who had lost his clinical trial and was now under F.D.A investigation?

"Yeah."

"It must be amazing, working with so many world-class surgeons."

"Believe me, it's not always fun living with one," she retorted. "Mark, my husband," she clarified, "is an attending and I'm Chief Resident. It's hard to maintain family life but we manage it well. Surgeons have crazy hours so you might want to think twice." Andrew chuckled to himself as she added, "The lives we save make it worth it though."

"Cool," he breathed. "I normally live in Seattle but when I heard Mom was in the hospital, I had to come over."

"Oh, really?" He glanced at her and she arched an eyebrow at him. She noted several similarities between them. The hair, the nose. His hand fiddled with a pen. How could she just notice now? "It's good to see she's okay."

"How do you know her?" Her breath hitched and she chewed on the inside of her cheek. "I lived in the US when I was a kid with her but my dad and my sister live in Italy. Carina is my half-sister - her mom died when she was young. We only have the same dad but we were pretty close growing up so I know most of her friends and my dad's friends. Even though she's like thirteen years older than me. But I was just wondering."

"We're… family friends." Hazel eyes meet brown. They go up a flight of stairs and Emily realized that her feet are guiding her back to the lobby. Family… she wondered if that word meant anything to her mother. Andrew was only in his third year of university. Wait…

Her eyes widened.

"Andrew, how old are you?"

"Twenty. Why?" He was startled by the sudden question but didn't say anything as she tried to work through everything. School break, her father's things all gone, her mother crushed by the implications, her brother, murderous. That was when she was eighteen. She left for the Big Apple for university… two years later, her mom was gone. And she was, though not by definition, an orphan. She had no idea where her parents where. Her brother was shipped off seas.

But her mom had been alive. Emily had been twenty by her second year when she disappeared. If, by some stretch, she had managed to give birth to Andrew…

The stretch was Andrew should be fourteen at the oldest. He should be twenty years younger than her instead of fourteen.

Bile clawed up her throat. Swallowing hard, she looked at Andrew who was staring straight ahead, an easy smile on his face as they reached the lobby.

 _Carina is my half-sister. We only have the same dad but..._

… _only have the same dad._

 _I normally live in Seattle but when I heard Mom was in the hospital, I had to come over._

 _...when I heard Mom was in the hospital…_

"Excuse me," she suddenly exclaimed. "It was nice talking to you, I… I just have to talk - talk to someone." Andrew gave her a bewildered look, opening his mouth to pursue. "I'll… I'll see you around." Turning on her heel, she walked until she was around the corner and peered around. Andrew was still standing there, slightly bewildered before he shrugged, going to walk the opposite direction. Leaning against the wall, she held Everett to her chest. The baby squirmed, grabbing a fistful of her hair before letting go and bringing his fist to his chest.

 _Sweet baby, you have no idea what life is like._ Looking around, she saw the corridors where Tom's laugh used to echo and her heart ached as if the wound were fresh. His vibrant smile, floppy hair. To be here again, she'd been so caught up with her mom to even realize how dull it seemed without him. Sliding down until she sat, her knees coming close to her chest to support Everett even more, she pressed her forehead against the sleeping infant's.

Her phone was vibrating. Her damn phone. Managing to get it out of her pocket, she answered with a swift glance at the ID.

" _Hey._ "

"Hey, Mer," she muttered, resting her head against the wall. The hallway was empty, leading to a supply closet, and she got up, walking in and locking the door. She sat down on a receptacle, letting the diaper bag fall to the ground.

" _Mark wanted me to check up on you while he's in surgery."_

"How's his dad?" she asked, nervous. Meredith sighed, pausing for a moment.

" _Bailey's referred him to oncology and they're deciding on whether or not to remove the tumor before treating it with chemo. Mark won't talk about it but I think Derek'll get something out of him. Him or Callie."_

"I wish I was there," the brunette murmured under her breath. "Mer…"

" _Yeah?_ "

 _What do you do when you realize your mom cheated on your dad first?_ "Nothing." She cleared her throat. "Tell Mark I'm doing fine. I'll Skype him later tonight."

" _Yeah. Kepner's not doing a bad job at Chief Resident, by the way."_

"Really?"

" _No. She's doing horrible. But she'll pull through."_ Chuckling, she hung up. She could imagine the redhead frantically trying to get people's attention. The smile fell off her face though, when she realized the situation she was in. The revelation, that maybe her father did it in retaliation of what her mother did…

Running a hand over the screen of her phone, she inhaled deeply. What did she do now? She wished Tom was here. He'd know what to do. Which may have included ranting and drinking. Everett began to squirm and she dropped the phone into her bag. Pure blue eyes cracked open, muddy with sleep and she smiled as genuine as she could.

"Hey, baby," she whispered and he yawned, toothless mouth wide open. "Our family's a mess, you know that? I mean, I'm sitting in a hospital where my dead best friend used to work at. I don't even work here and I'm in their supply closet." He gazed at her, utterly confused, and she kissed his forehead. "But it's okay. I love you."

No response, as expected.

Well, it wasn't like she was busy. So she held it together until she was back home. The woman played with Everett for a while, watching him raise his head and roll over onto his back to try and reach his feet. When he had tuckered himself out, she put Everett to sleep to resume his nap. Only then did she sit on the couch, phone cradled in her hands.

 _Mark Sloan._

The caller ID lit up her screen before she could do anything. Picking up, she finally felt the drama and exhaustion piling on her like a set of heavy weights. _Fuck._

" _Hey. Meredith told me something was wrong."_ How clever. Thankful she had friends like this, Emily tried to keep her tone steady.

"Mark, I… I-"

" _I'm here. I have time,"_ he whispered over the other end of the phone.

Her throat bruised, the first tears began as her words ended. "She cheated first."

 **A/N: Edited - December 1, 2018**

 **Next: Updates in Seattle and more about her mom.**


	64. Trying to Get Back to that Moment

_You know, there was a moment. When hit-by-a-bus guy wasn't George and Izzie had just come through surgery… you and I had just done our post-it. It was, like, five seconds when everybody was happy. I keep closing my eyes trying to get back to that._

 _-Meredith Grey_

* * *

Mark Sloan was having a half-decent day. He was talking to Sofia about how he fixed the man's nose. There was half a scare where he thought he lost Sofia but she ended up having rolled over underneath the table.

Then there was Emily, a complete mess.

Everett curled into her body at night, longing for his dad and Emily couldn't do anything but miss Mark too. Missed her home.

.

"So what is she in for?" Emily asked over breakfast at five AM and Noah froze. This was bothering him more than he let on.

"Intracranial aneurysm." There was a silence where neither of the siblings moved, only stared at each other with twin sets of hazel eyes. "Yeah."

"So… who's performing it? Dr. King?" Noah let his spoon clatter against his cereal bowl and he stirred the milk within it.

"So you haven't seen the CT scans?" he finally asked and she shook her head. "It's not good. It's in a difficult spot in the brain and King's just recently become an attending. I don't want him to perform the surgery."

"It's not up to you or me," she said plainly.

"I know it's not - but I'm still a doctor and I can still offer my professional opinion." Then did it click in her head. They both knew a neurosurgeon very well - a skilled one who once owned his own practice and had more experience with hopeless cases under his belt than King did in neuro in general.

"She is not coming to Seattle."

"Em-"

"I work there."

"And you'll be able to see her without missing hours for fifth year," he argued. "Look - I know Mark's dad is back and that there's a lot of conflict but wouldn't it be better if you two were together rather than apart?" Emily scowled, looking down at her oatmeal

"Or we could just leave our mom and help Mark back home," she muttered cruely under her breath and Noah sighed.

"You're being harsher than you realize."

"She left me!"

"She left me too!" he yelled and she froze, eyes darting up to meet his. They both waited in bated breath to see if Everett or anyone else would wake up. When only silence met their ears, he looked down into his bowl. "Put aside your personal grudge and realize that Mom is still a patient who deserves the best chance to live." He slammed his fist down to emphasize his point.

"Noah-"

"Look, I don't care if you'll talk to her or not - I know how much it hurts - but we can't just let her get this second-rate treatment when we know someone else could do so much better." At this, Emily realized the truth in her brother's words. Despite everything, Sofia Moore was the mom who used to buy her medical books to fuel her curiosity and drove her to ballet lessons every week.

Sofia DeLuca was an entirely different story. Sofia DeLuca with the two kids to replace the ones from her old life. Sofia DeLuca who thought her old life would just embrace her after what she had done.

And although everything within her wanted to, Emily couldn't let the person who was once her mom receive something less than what she deserved. Her mom was in there, somewhere.

"Organize the transfer then. I'll call Derek."

.

"Good job, sweetie," Emily said with a smile, shaking the rattle for her son when he turned to look at her. They were in the airport, Noah running a hand through his hair as he paced up and down. The two siblings were waiting for them to call them up for boarding. Everett went to grab for the toy, missed, and frowned thoughtfully. Then, a smile broke onto his face and Emily, despite her situation and despite her frantic mind, brought him up for a kiss to the cheek.

The baby squealed, swinging his arms happily as his legs pushed against her stomach. He was full of energy and she chuckled, holding him close. At this point, he was the only thing keeping her sane.

She loved him too much. She couldn't wait to get back to Seattle.

.

On the plane ride back, Harper Avery had informed them that his daughter-in-law would also be riding with them for she had a surgery to perform at Seattle Grace. Catherine Avery with a clever glint in her eyes and an ambitious smile sat at the very front of the plane. Emily didn't speak to her, though she sat only four rows behind her. She needed the silence and Noah's hand holding hers for the ride back to Seattle. Something about the gesture told her that maybe everything would be okay.

But it made her laugh a bit - since when did anything in Seattle ever go okay?

.

She settled down beside Jackson in the lecture auditorium who gave her a lazy greeting glance.

"Hey, Em," Meredith turned to smile at her but Emily could only manage a tired smile. "Tired?"

"Just got Everett settled at daycare and my 'mother' upstairs in the neuro wing. Yeah, I could say I'm tired after a flight," she commented dryly as Jackson patted his shoulder for her to rest on. "I saw your mom on the flight. She was talking to some dude about a penis transplant. Sounds brilliant - using dorsal veins and-"

"She is _a lunatic,_ " he stressed, tracing the edge of his coffee cup.

"No, she's not. She says these things that shock you, but then when you think about them later, they change your whole life," April gushed as Emily crossed her arms over her chest and eased against her friend. Closing her eyes, she tried to find the last tendrils of sleep that still lurked in her head.

"Or they ruin your whole life. She's toxic. She's a meddler. My mom has no boundaries. Be warned."

"Oh, she has no boundaries alright," Emily muttered, eyes still closed. "She's real chatty and she knows things I didn't even realize were public knowledge."

"Like?"

"People's personal lives. She knew about Taylor and Lexie when Noah went up to talk to her. She was all like, ' _So how's Dr. Jacks and that brunette?'_ "

"Is that why Jacks and Lexie are basically MIA?" Alex asked with amusement. "They're probably holed up in some on-call room until she's gone."

"Why does it even matter? Dr. Jacks isn't even related to her," April commented. "It's not like Catherine is going to interrogate him about his relationship."

"Oh… you don't understand my mother. She knows a surgeon, works with them, gets to know them, you basically have to invite her to your wedding. Once you're in the web, you're trapped. She remembers _everything._ "

"Jacks needs to man up," Cristina said. "Who hides under a rock while _Catherine Avery_ comes into town?"

"Someone who knows a hypercritical surgeon when he sees one. I get it." Meredith shrugged, focusing on the stage.

"Is your mom ambidextrous? I bet you she is. All the best surgeons are." The squeak of Cristina's exercise tool accompanied her words. Emily's eyebrows furrowed together and she burrowed her head deeper into Jackson's shoulder with a groan.

"Wait a second. How often do you talk to my mom?" Jackson asked the redhead, incredulous.

"We're Facebook friends…" Emily eventually fell asleep, shifting in her seat. Jackson frowned at her as his mother walked onto the stage. She was almost dead weight as grand rounds began.

.

Emily, eyes half-closed, listened as she rested her cheek against her fist. A penile transplant really was happening. As everyone raised their hand around her, she did as well causing Jackson's wide eyes to land on her. Shrugging, she let her hand fall back down into her lap when someone cleared their throat further down.

When Mark stood up, Emily sat up straight.

"Uh, Mark Sloan, plastics." Catherine Avery took a few steps towards him on stage as he straightened out his white coat. "Isn't penile reconstruction the standard approach in cases like these? Why a- a transplant?"

"Well, I can answer your question with a question. Do you like your penis?" At this, all of her friends turned to look at her. Cristina smirked, wiggling her eyebrows as Meredith gave her a sly smile. Jackson stared emptily into the distance, fingers against his head. Emily could almost visibly see his soul leave his body.

"I hate all of you," she said bluntly as Callie and Arizona, beside Mark, laughed.

"It does the job," Mark said, tugging at his lab coat and shoving his hands in his pockets. When her husband turned to look at her and winked, she sunk deeper into her seat and her soul joined Jackson's as it left her body.

.

Jackson and Emily waded through the crowd towards Catherine Avery. The brunette hadn't really met the woman before - had seen her once or twice but never initiated a conversation.

"She's crazy."

"I'm sure she is with the way you turned out," Emily remarked sarcastically with a look at her friend. He gave her a half-hearted glare as they finally approached her.

"Gotta make a big show out of everything," Jackson said, going to embrace his mother.

"There's my baby boy. Come here. Oh." Emily grinned at the embarrassed flush on Jackson's face as he reluctantly allowed his mom to inspect him. Her hands on his cheeks, she narrowed her eyes. "You look skinny. You're not sleeping."

"Okay, I'm fine, Mom." Emily shoved her hands in her pockets as Catherine turned her son towards the crowd, as if trying to find someone.

"Mhm, which one is she?" Catherine met eyes and pointed at her. Emily raised her eyebrows, glancing behind her and seeing no one of interest. "Her?"

" _Mom._ This is Emily. Moore. She worked with Grandpa at Mass Gen?" At that, realization sparked in her eyes and the older Avery extended a hand with a gracious smile.

"Noah Moore's sister." Smiling - that was how she was usually introduced when she was younger - Emily took her hand. "So did you ever choose between ortho and plastics? Dr. Sloan must've been influential in your decision, seeing as he's your husband and all."

Her hand flew to the necklace where her ring was, shock evident in her voice. Their marriage wasn't exactly public knowledge. "How did you-"

"I have my ways. The more important question is—" She turned her attention back to her son— "where's your girlfriend?" There was a pregnant pause where hazel eyes meet green ones and Jackson reluctantly said:

"I don't have one, Mom. Like I told you over the phone." Catherine hummed thoughtfully before regarding Emily.

"You let this one get away, didn't you."

" _Mom!_ "

"That's why you have to be vigilante, honey. All the best ones get snatched away." Raising her eyebrows, the awkward ortho resident coughed to alert them that she could _still hear them._

 _A meddler alright,_ Emily mused, sliding away. Jackson gave her a pleading glance but she only wiggled her fingers in farewell. No way was she going to be left prey for the prying Avery. Instead, she bumped right into Mark who was heading for Avery anyways. So she couldn't escape. Figures.

"Hey. How was your flight?" They had only seen each other briefly before she had went to work.

"Exhausting," she said before he leaned over to kiss her.

"How are you?" he asked quietly and she shrugged.

"We can talk about it later," she promised and he let go of her hand to wrap an arm around her shoulders. Heading back up to Catherine Avery, he began to speak as Jackson gave her a superior look. Wrinkling her nose at him, she just leaned against her husband.

"Sorry to interrupt."

"Oh, interrupt, please." Jackson backed away as his mom grinned at the head of plastics.

"Oh, Mark Sloan, plastics. The man who doubts." Emily rolled her eyes and carefully detached Mark's hand away from her shoulders. "Do you doubt me, Dr. Moore?"

"I'm not involving myself but I'm sure Mark has plenty to say."

"I do. I'm all for standing up for the Johnson but this is a transplant and transplant patients reject organs. Now I see a twenty-eight year-old guy who could have pretty good life with a reconstructed organ that my boy here and I could make tomorrow."

"Oh, yeah, I'm out of here." Emily ducked away from Mark's arm and attempted to brush past Jackson but he caught her arm and pulled her back. " _What?_ " she whined and he made a face as if to say ' _stay'_ and jolted his head towards the situation. She made a sound and he made a sound back as if to argue before she crossed her arms. "It's too early in the morning for this," she hissed.

" _Psst._ "

"But,"

" _Sh."_

"I-"

" _Psh!_ " Giving him a scowl, she shoved him hard and he gave her a glare but she stayed where she stood. Meanwhile, the adults continued to talk.

"Excuse me. You're working with Jackson?"

"I'm mentoring him. He didn't mention it?"

"No, he didn't." Emily placed a fist in front of her mouth to hide her smile when Catherine Avery's fake smile came into play and a dangerous tone lurked in her words.

"Who's in the doghouse now?" she whispered evilly into Jackson's ear but he merely froze.

"Got a great set of hands, this kid. You should be proud."

"Why don't you scrub in with me? And you can tell me all the reasons why."

"I'll be there." With that, Mark turned away and Emily took that as her cue to leave.

"Oh, now you're really screwed. Remember she's a _meddler,_ " she mumbled in Jackson's ear before she spun around and caught up with Mark. Jackson glared at her before approaching his mom. Emily simply smiled nefariously, twining her fingers with Mark's.

.

They stepped into the skills lab, Emily nursing a fresh cup of coffee given to her courtesy of Mark. He kissed her on the temple and rubbed her shoulder before heading back towards Jackson. Emily walked in with Meredith who settled in the middle next to Meredith. As spaces were slowly becoming taken, Emily decided to just take a seat at the back where there was an empty spot beside her.

A tender slice of chicken was beside her and only reminded her of how little she's had to eat. Mark leaned down beside her where he was leaning against the wall.

"Don't worry, I'll cook you something fresh as soon as we get home." And that was enough to keep her focused. Jackson sat down beside her, giving them a suspicious glance before settling down. Catherine began giving them instructions as Emily snapped on a pair of gloves. Blinking hard, she picked up her forceps and began.

She was aware that slowly more people were eliminated but she didn't pay them any mind. She couldn't let Mark down, especially when he taught her well and he was right behind her. But she was also aware that Jackson was one of his students - one of his very _rare_ students. Steadily, she made progress on the femoral vessel anastomosis.

"You must've taught her well." Catherine's voice sounded from behind her and Emily paused for a millisecond to refocus while being able to listen.

"I know I have," Mark replied proudly and Emily allowed a small smile.

"I can only hope you taught my son as well. I know he doesn't have the same connection with you as she does."

"I don't do favourites," he insisted flatly as Catherine leaned over her shoulder to inspect her work before watching her son.

"You better not," she hummed before going over to Meredith. Alex's pager was going off and Emily raised her head only to see him run out of the lab. Thinking nothing of it, she returned to the anastomosis.

Time seemed to fly by as she finally set down her tools and raised her hand.

"I'm done."

"So am I."

"Me too."

"So there's a three-way tie. Now what?" Mark crossed his arms, taking a step forward. Catherine gathered the trays and placed them all together side by side. The residents all stood behind their tray. She inspected them carefully, making noises of approval.

"They're all of quality higher than expected," she admitted. Glancing back at the three residents. "Dr. Moore, you'll assist with the harvest. Dr. Grey, Jackson, you'll be with me in the transplant."

.

"You surprised me," Dr. Avery said just after the first elliptical incision. "I heard a lot about you from Dr. Austen. Your work was prodigious." Emily made a sound of acknowledgement as she pulled back the skin and exposed the dorsal vein. "And the next thing I know you're shipped off back to Seattle before I even have a chance to say hello." Frowning behind her mask, she was silent. The operating room filled with unease.

"Yeah," she finally uttered. "It's weird how life works."

"I didn't mean to offend."

"Oh, I know you didn't. A lot of people don't," Emily replied bluntly as Jackson's words rung in her head. _No boundaries._ "It's fine. I've moved past it."

"No one really moves past losing someone."* Catherine Avery said and Emily watched the urologist operate for a moment, trying to figure it out. "But it does hurt less, doesn't it?"

"I guess it does," she agreed. Tom's eyes flashed in her head, replaced by Everett's pure blue gaze he inherited from his father.

"So are you specializing in plastics?"

"Ortho, actually. I was thinking about it but…" she trailed off, "maybe in the future. For now, ortho is my main goal."

"Good. You're focused. No wonder you and Mark Sloan have made it."

"I'm sorry, what?" She made a sound halfway between a laugh and something else.

"You seem to balance each other. It's good."

"Thank you," Emily forced herself to say. "He's been great about me taking on Chief Resident."

"That's good. I hope your marriage lasts where mine did not." Catherine's tone was amused and Emily chuckled.

"So do I."

.

Emily was taking a nap in the on-call room when she was drawn out of it, a presence dipping the bed beside her. He buried his face in her neck as she turned around, kissing the column of his throat drowsily.

"Good nap?" he inquired huskily and she nodded, burrowing closer towards him. "Good. Shift's almost over - we've got Sof tonight. Callie and Arizona are going to some dinner party."

"Sounds like a perfect first night back," she assured him. "Especially with Mark Sloan preparing a homemade meal." He chuckled, arms swathing around her like a blanket. It was times like these where it was hard to imagine a world outside this room that there were disappearing parents barging back into their lives and cancer-ridden dads and moms with new families.

.

Waking up to Mark presenting her with hollandaise, jalapeño-infused bacon, eggs and toast was a perfect way to start the morning. Walking into Seattle Grace was like a breath of fresh air after Boston. She came in with Mark, parted with a kiss, and settled down in the Chief Resident's lounge. Looking at all the paperwork, she sighed. This was one part she didn't miss.

Sitting down behind her desk, she let her bag drop to the floor and adjusted her jacket. Shifting through the papers, she saw resident reports, unfinished rotation schedules and a skills lab call put out that needed residents to teach interns. She was on oncology today which meant she had to round on Mark's dad but first she needed to sort through this _mess._

Taylor came in after rounds giving her a salad and a quick hello. She stuffed it down when Cristina came in. April dropped off a mouse and Meredith came to hang out. Emily didn't say anything about her pink scrubs, only dumped her garbage in the trash before leaving.

Rounding off her patients again, she stopped by at Richard Sloan's room. The man was sleeping and she checked his I.V. He was healing well after the motorcycle crash and he was basically fine. It was just cancer. Just stage three Hepatocellular Carcinoma.

Just cancer that's metastasized to his liver, lungs, and kidney.

Going to his chart, she began to write in it when he opened his eyes.

"I'm sorry, Dr. Sloan?" Raising her head, she gave the man on the bed a flat stare.

"Is there something you need?"

"No - I just, I want to see my son. And I want to get to know him. I don't know him. So, tell me - is he a good man?" Emily debated on whether or not to say anything before she closed the chart, leaning against the table.

"Mark Sloan… is a _great_ man. And that's no thanks to you," she finally said and Mr. Sloan sighed to himself. "He was messed up when I met him, but he's grown. He's kind, and sweet, and honest. And he could've grown up horrible. But he didn't. Which is a testament to who he is." The passion in her voice was powerful but she kept herself quiet. "You definitely don't know him anymore."

"I-" He cleared his throat. "After Jane died, I didn't know how he was going to turn out because of how I was. It's something I thought about and it's why I've come here. Because I want to see him."

"Don't you think yourself a few decades too late?" she asked bluntly and Richard Sloan chuckled dryly.

"Yes. But maybe late is better than never." She pulled back, taking the chart with her. Turning to leave, she stopped when his voice called her attention. "You have a son, don't you?" Clutching the chart to her chest, she turned back around, taking a few steps towards him.

"Yes. His name's Everett." The features on his face softened and Emily shifted her weight on her feet. "He looks a lot like Mark."

"Can I see a picture?" Hoisting the chart so it fit between her arm and her body, Emily found herself humouring him. Her hand dug through her pocket for her phone and pulled up a picture of Everett staring up at the camera while Mark leaned down beside his son, giving a thumbs up. Showing the screen to him, she smiled.

"This was when he was three months old. He's much bigger now and he has Mark's eyes."

"He's beautiful." There was a sense of loss in his eyes as he took the phone from her hand after a few hesitant moments. Emily felt the ice within her for the man melt as he sighed, handing her back her phone. "Congratulations. And I'm sorry for implying you're nothing more than a fling. You're right, I don't know him, but I never thought he'd settle down. It's a miracle - really, considering the boy I knew."

Quicker than a blink, her blood froze over. "Wow. A miracle." Everyone deserved someone - some love in their life, some happiness, someone to hold them together when they just couldn't. To think that he had the guts to imply the man she loved did not… "Do you think of your son so lowly that you thought he could never be capable of being loved? Or is it only now as a coping mechanism, to justify you _deserting_ your son? The boy you knew was the boy _you_ caused."

"You may have been coping with your wife's death, but did you ever stop to realize that your son _lost his mom_?" Voice cracking, she stared frigidly at him. "Screw you." There was a dead silence and Emily felt another presence. Turning around, she saw Mark with one hand on the door frame. She whipped around and exited the room, brushing past her husband as tears bit at her eyes. Wiping away invisible tears, she walked to the nurse's station and handed the nurse the chart before leaning against the counter.

"You alright, jailbait?" She raised her head from her hand to look at him.

"I should be the one asking you that," she said and he came over, hugging her tightly. Kissing her hair, he just waited until her arms wrapped around his. "I'm sorry. He was just… saying all this _shit_ about you."

"You kiss our child with that mouth?" he teased and she allowed a small smile. Raising her head, she kissed him chastely before he brushed her hair back and pecked her forehead. "I'm fine. Actually, felt nice to hear someone fight for me." The sentence caused a crack in her heart and Emily patted his chest, turning so they could walk to the cafeteria together.

"You deserved it," she said nonchalantly and the giant smile he had on his face said it all.

"And you don't deserve your mom coming back out of nowhere." _She's not my mom._ She wanted to say but stayed quiet anyways. Mark rubbed her arm as they entered the elevator. He pressed the button before returning to stand close behind her. "I'm sorry," he finally said and she chewed on the inside of her cheek, fingers fidgeting with the pen in her pocket.

"Yeah, so am I." She sighed, looking at the elevator lights as they descended. Then, she closed her eyes, trying to get back to the happy times. "Let's just go buy lunch and see Everett. He deserves _both_ of us." He smiled, though the corners of his mouth were a bit weighed down, and took her hand, leading her to the cafeteria.

"Like I'd let him forget me. Besides, he deserves the world and we're gonna give it to him."

.

"Please sleep with Mark," Derek pleaded as she wrote something down in a patient chart. "He sent me a box of scones last night."

"Uh, no thanks."

"Why not?" He gave her a McDreamy smile and she rolled her eyes. "Come on. One night a week."

"Uhm-" Her eyebrows rose and she smiled to herself, shaking her head. She refused to look at him when he pouted. "Okay, fine. I'll see if April wants to share some duties," she caved and he patted her head before heading off. "You owe me, Shepherd!"

 **A/N: Edited - December 2, 2018**

 ** _* "No one really moves past losing someone."_ Directed at Jackson Avery's father who just left without explanation. No matter what Catherine says, I choose to believe that it'll always hurt even a little bit that someone she married just walked out on her.**

 **Next: The DeLucas.**


	65. Secrets over Coffee

_The thing people forget is how good it can feel when you finally set secrets free. Whether good or bad, at least they're out in the open. Like it or not. And once your secrets are out in the open, you don't have to hide behind them._

 _-Meredith Grey_

* * *

Water ran warmly on her hands as she scrubbed out of her surgery. Wiping away the excess liquid and turning off the sink, she pulled her scrub cap off and took out her phone. No immediate messages - good. Webber gave her a nod as he came out as well.

"Monitor her post-op. Good work, Moore."

"Thank you, sir." The elder surgeon headed down the hall with her as they headed for elevator.

"Where are you off to next?" he asked curiously and she opened her schedule on her phone. Leaning over, Webber made a noise of approval. "Catching up on hours in your other services. I see Hunt's announcement on outcomes hasn't affected you."

"I try not to let it get to me," she admitted. "I want to keep myself busy since boards are going to come faster than I think."

"How are you balancing surgeries and being Chief Resident?"

"Well enough." _Plus all the personal crap._ She stared up at the lights. "Where are you going?"

"Home." He crossed his arms with a deep sigh. "I need to take a nap."

"Same here." He chuckled and she pinched the bridge of her nose, exhaustion truly weighing her down. The elevator doors opened and he exited. "Goodnight, Dr. Webber." The doors closed again and she leaned against the back of the elevator. Glancing at her phone, she let out a breath. _2:37 AM._ Still on call for eight more hours.

When the elevator opened, she raised her head and got off, heading for her office. Unlocking the door, her eyebrows arched at the sleeping man on her couch. Mark snored peacefully and she smiled slightly, turning off the small lamp that was the only source of light. The room plunged into darkness and she headed out, carefully letting the door click close.

Deciding to head for an on-call room, she nearly bumped into Derek. The neurosurgeon took her by the arms, inspecting her carefully.

"Hey, Em. Have you seen Mark?"

"Yeah. He's in my office, taking up _my_ couch." Her sour attitude could have been attributed to her lack of sleep or the fact that he _took_ her couch. "Why?"

"Nothing. Just wanted to check up on him. Callie and I are worried."

"His dad?"

"Yeah. How's he holding up?"

"Good. Better than I'd thought," she admitted and he allowed a small smile, "Have you talked to him at all?" Running a hand over his face, the doctor shook his head guiltily.

"Since this whole thing with Meredith, it's been a bit hectic."

"Yeah, I understand." Andrew's and Carina's faces flashed in her mind. "Fifth year's starting out messy." Derek hummed thoughtfully, giving her a look. "Hey, have you ever gotten to my mom's scans?"

"Yeah. It's in the difficult spot of the brain and I need to figure out the right angle of attack." She nodded and he gave her a slight smile. "Don't worry. I'll find a way."

"You always do, Derek. I'm not worried at all." She brushed past him. "I'm going to catch up on some sleep. Night, Derek."

"Morning," he joked and she rolled her eyes, finding the closest on-call room and crashing immediately.

.

Mark woke up and raised his head, not really knowing where he was for a moment. Then he recognized it was Emily's office. Right. Getting up, he wiped away dry saliva and grabbed his lab coat. Walking out of the room, he headed down to the lobby for the coffee cart just outside the hospital as he checked his phone.

 _:thanks for taking up my couch mark:_

 _:i kinda miss you though im hanging out in an oncall room atm:_

 _:marrrkkk:_

He grinned at Emily's spam of texts that spanned until almost a quarter to four. She must still be asleep somewhere. The automatic doors slid open with a whoosh and he heads for the cart.

"Bone dry capp and a pound cake." He paid quickly before standing aside to wait for his order. Sending a reply to Emily, he then checked his emails. Nothing about any conferences. Good - that meant more time with his family.

"Hey, can I have a caramel latte? Thank you." A new presence stood beside him and Mark chanced a glimpse up. A young man stood beside him with dark hair and olive skin.

"Dr. Sloan, your cappuccino." He grabbed his drink and cake, pocketing his phone.

"Wait, Dr. Sloan?" The man sounded surprised and Mark turned, pleased at hearing such a reaction after a long time. "Oh, wow, you're - you're Dr. Moore's husband." That… was not expected. He'd never been referenced as such.

"Uh, yeah? And who are you?" The starstruck expression didn't quite leave his face as Mark took a sip of his drink.

"Wow, okay, see I'm Andrew DeLuca-" And suddenly everything made sense.

"You're the brother." It slipped out of his mouth before he could retract his sentence. DeLuca was visibly confused before nodding.

"Yeah, my sister isn't right here now and-"

"No, no." The wind is light, tugging at his face as he gave the younger man a slightly bewildered smile. Mark had a vague feeling that he should stop talking but it was like his mouth was on autopilot. "You're Emily's brother. Dr. Moore's brother." The array of emotions that flew across the young man's face gave Mark the sudden feeling that he had said something that wasn't public knowledge.

"I'm _what_?"

"I thought you knew-"

"No, what? I don't even understand."

"Andrew, ignore what I said-"

"It can't be." There was betrayal that wove in his words as Mark took a step forward. "No, it can't be right. It doesn't make sense."

"Yo, Mark, have you seen my sister? Oh, hey, Andrew." Noah jogged up to them, a slight smile on his face upon seeing him. DeLuca gave the surgeon a treacherous look. "Did I just walk into something?"

"No. I just learned that you're my brother. Do you want to deny this fact or…" Noah's stricken face turned to Mark.

"You _told_ him?"

"I thought he knew." The pediatric surgeon pinched the bridge of his nose and he turned to his half-brother.

"Look, Andrew, we can talk about this."

"Good. I want to talk about this." The two men turned to head inside the hospital, leaving Mark alone. A cold feeling washed over him and all he could think was that he had made a huge mistake.

.

Paged to her mom's room by her brother was not the way she imagined waking up. Her shift just ended (luckily not disrupting her sleep) and Emily adjusted the lapels of her lab coat on her way to the room. "Hey, is it about the scans?" Mr. DeLuca was standing by her mom's bedside while Carina sat on one of the seats, pinching the bridge of her nose. Andrew was pacing, thumb pinched between his lips, Noah's arms crossed over his chest. The tension was so thick it was almost suffocating.

"No, it's not. Emi—" Noah turned to her, face dark and hazel eyes clouded with an unidentifiable emotion— "it's about our family. It's best if we come clean."

"Come clean?" Confusion rang true in her voice as Andrew raked a hand through his hair and then turned to his half-sister.

"You're my sister, and you never told me?"

"Who-"

"Mark Sloan." Carina's voice was soft, dark eyes meeting Emily's with a slight glow of sympathy. As if she knew. Emily internally scowled at Mark's idiocy. "He told Andrea."

"Why is this such a big deal?" Emily stood by her brother. "You're her family anyways. We're just doctors."

"You're _family_ and you don't even care about what happens to Mom-"

"Watch your mouth, DeLuca." Noah uncrossed his arms, taking a step forward. "Who do you think arranged for her to even be in Seattle? She's not my mother, but she _was._ "

"So why not tell me?"

"Why tell you? We don't know each other, Andrew," Emily said, "and what if we don't want to? Noah's right. We're here only to make sure what was our mom made through surgery and make sure you don't lose _your_ mom."

"But how is it even possible?" At this, Andrew glanced desperately at Sofia DeLuca who had been silent. "I need to understand… how you could've hid me away."

"Andrea, you have to understand, you cannot make assumptions."

"You didn't even tell me I had a brother and sister."

"We didn't know either," Noah said. "Believe me, it wasn't even knowledge to us until your mom was admitted. We haven't seen her in fourteen years, Andrew. You've got to believe that. She disappeared off our radar, basically ran away to make a new family to replace her first, screwed-up one." He sent the woman on the bed an icy glare. "You can't blame us for not telling you when the woman who kept the secret had every opportunity to tell you."

"Or maybe she's ashamed," Emily murmured, "of who her family is. Or of what she did. Why don't we ask her?" At this, all looked at her. "Or how about the father? Mr. DeLuca, did you know who we were?"

"Dad?"

"I… was informed." Carina groaned quietly, head cradled by her palm as Andrew flung out his arms in frustration. "And your mother promised to tell you, when the time came." Emily's heart swelled in sympathy. Andrew wasn't the bad guy here - he was just the clueless one made by their mother.

"Well, the time is here," Andrew remarked bitterly. "I'm going to go get a drink." At this, Emily jumped at the chance.

"The bar across the street is a good place. She uncrossed her arms, shoving her hands into her pockets. "Come on, I'll show you."

.

"So you really didn't know I existed until you met me?" Andrew asked, nursing his bottle of beer. She smirked, swirling her brandy around in the light. She downed it all and then tapped the counter for a refill.

"A bit before that," she admitted, "through a phone call."

"I see."

"I don't get why you're so mad at your mom and dad, though." She kind of got it. Keeping secrets was an unhealthy way to maintain a relationship. "Yeah, she kept us a secret, but has your life been spectacular since you met us? Your mom's got a difficult aneurysm, you find out that your family's been keeping secrets from you, and you're now drinking with your half-sister." He chuckled a bit and she sent him a slight smile.

"I guess it just doesn't make sense. Dad and her got married after I was born and I was seven by then. I just want to understand-"

"My family was happy." The liquid poured into her glass gracefully and she nodded to the bartender in thanks. "At least, I thought it was. Then I found out my dad cheated on my mom and eloped with his dirty mistress."

"That doesn't explain anything."

"My mom wasn't the same after that. I just graduated high school so I had to go away to NYC. I came back from uni to surprise my mom and our house was sold. I… it was like she just disappeared off the face of the Earth. Now, I'm guessing she went to Italy to marry your father."

"I see." The glass clattered against the wood as he let his beer drop more forcefully that what was needed, like he didn't really care.

"When I found out you existed, it didn't make sense. You were much older than what was possible, unless you're secretly fourteen under that skin." She eyed him and he arched an eyebrow. He gave her an incredulous look. "Exactly. I put two-and-two together. Carina isn't your full sibling, my mom disappeared - it made sense she was in a separate country - and you guys only share a father. Plus, you're twenty, I'm thirty-four. She cheated first. Simple math."

"So, now what?"

"What do you mean?"

"Now, with my mom." He watched the bartender take away his bottle.

"Like what I said earlier. She's not my mom but I'm not going to let her die. She's your mom now." Sipping her drink, she felt his stare on her and turned towards him, still swallowing the brandy. "What?" Her voice was muffled by the glass and she set it down.

"Nothing."

Emily waited a bit to gauge his expression before turning back. "You know, I was angry at first." She dipped her head, staring into the amber liquid. "I still am, I think. I don't even know if my dad knew that my mom cheated on him. But…you know it feels like she replaced us with you guys."

"No-"

"Come on, you guys are a perfect family. Like how I thought mine was." Andrew's hand inched closer to hers, pinkie wrapping around hers. Smiling, she tightened the grip and their fists bumped. "You know, it would be harder to hate you if you were hateable."

"You hate me?"

"No. But you're not my brother either." Making a humming sound, she got up, fishing out a few bills from her purse. "I've got you covered with the tab. Bye, Andrew. I'm sure I'll see you around."

"Goodbye, Emily." He waved and she wiggled her fingers in farewell before heading back to the hospital to pick up Everett.

.

Everett was in the stage of crying as Emily shushed him and paced around the apartment. Her hand held her phone which was scrolling through listings for new houses. Anything to take her mind off whatever was happening in the hospital.

"Ev, why are you even crying?" She threw her phone onto the couch with an exasperated cry and held her child in her arms. Immediately, he stopped crying. Frowning, she hugged him close and sat down. He held onto her face, bumping his cheek against his and she smiled. He must've realized her state. "Do you wanna read a book? We can do that." Everett peered up at her curiously and she kissed the tip of his nose. His eyes closed and he cooed, delighted.

There was a knock on the door before it opened and she raised her head in greeting. Mark slipped in, kicking off his shoes and she stood, turning around.

"How could you tell him?" she asked quietly. He froze before tossing his keys onto the counter.

"Em-"

"You told Andrew we were related." He exhaled, looking to the floor and her eyebrows fell as they knit together. "That wasn't your truth to tell."

"I thought you told him."

"I would've told you if I did!" she exclaimed, and he came towards her, hands in a placating gesture. "Mark…"

"What's wrong?" At this, he realized her anger wasn't directed at him but at something else and his hands landed on her arms. Kissing her briefly, he took Everett from her arms and she collapsed on the couch. Her head tilted back and she ran her hands over her face.

"I hate this. I hate my mom coming back. I hate her."

"Hey," he whispered, sitting down. His voice whispering across her skin, he pressed his nose against her cheek.

Tucking like a puzzle piece into his consecutive one, she let Everett crawl across their laps. "I don't hate her," she admitted. "I just… it was better when I thought she was dead." He was silent, lips pressing against her jaw and she sighed. Everett sat up in Mark's lap, grabbing for her hand. "Does that make me a bad person?"

"No, it doesn't." She turned to him, eyes at half-mast. He pressed his lips against hers and their foreheads met gently. Breathing mingled, Emily swallowed his words with a pinch of salt. Pulling away, she picked up her son who latched onto her chest. Mark reached forward for the coffee table, taking his laptop. Reclining on the couch, the two placed their feet on the table as he cracked open the computer. Unlocking it with the password of a mixture of his phone number and hers, he immediately went to the browser.

"We should do some house-hunting with Everett," Mark suggested. "He can be the deciding factor for it. See if he likes it or not, you know?" He stared after her, a soft smile on his face as he went to the website. Everett sat up, head cocked at his dad and Emily smiled. The two boys always had a knack for that, making her smile.

She hugged Mark's neck with one arm, the other steadying Everett. Kissing his nose when he turned to her, she asked "Are we finally looking at houses again?" It seemed so long ago when she proposed the idea.

"Yep. We finally have some peace and quiet." She snuggled up against him, leaning on his shoulder as he clicked on one with three bedrooms. "I was scouting this one out."

"It's nice," she approved, using the touchpad and scrolling down, "Is there a yard 'cause I kinda want our kids to have things to do out back…"

 **A/N: Edited - December 2, 2018**

 **Next: McSteamy is far more damaged than he lets on.**


	66. Midnight

_I was raised by parents who weren't very interested in having kids._

 _-Mark Sloan_

* * *

If Mark was to make a list on what he loved about his wife, he'd need yards and yards of paper. In the number one spot, he'd think it'd be her unfailing kindness, her smile, her will to fight for the people she loved, the way she snored when she was exhausted, the way even the sight of her took his breath away...

Second would be harder. What made him love her but just a bit less than the things above? Her hair that she fought with on occasion, her selflessness, the way she operated, her brilliant mind and how it worked, her stubbornness, the arch of her neck, the way she knew him inside and out, and by God, the absolutely perfect way her spine curved out into _that ass._

Third would be the her sarcasm, wit, and how good she was at sex because, come on, with Mark Sloan as your partner, you could not go wrong.

This list was getting hard. He knew somewhere, among the faded lines of first, second, and third, was her unending support for him and the way she never failed to tell him she loved him. Now, as she traced absent circles on his pec without speaking, their skins layered in sweat and their bare bodies pressed together, he felt the warmth of her love filling him like nothing else could. Her leg splayed across his hips and her arm pressed flat against his chest, wrapping around his chest.

"I love you, Mark."

"Where's this coming from?" She laughed against his chest, kissing his jaw. "Not that I don't _not_ like post-sex confessions, but…"

"Just felt like saying it. When I look at you, it sometimes comes up."

"So romantic," he cooed and she swatted at him. "Believe me, the very same thought occurs whenever I see you operate. You're just so sexy in scrubs." She rolled onto her side and he followed after, spooning her back as his mouth whispered over the curve of her neck. "Sorry we couldn't find a house." She chuckled, playing with one of his hands that was draped over her side.

"I don't care."

"You do a bit."

"No, I don't."

"Eh… yeah, you do." She looked away and he laughed, kissing a spot behind her ear.

"We've been preoccupied. I've been basically living in the hospital and I never get to see you." There was something so soothing about feel of her skin against his. The sound of her voice admitting he was right caused him to smirk.

"Well, I'm making chicken with Arizona tonight, if that's incentive to come home early."

"You know you're going to have to talk to him eventually. He has a malignant sarcoma and he's been going under radiation treatment. Mark, there's gonna be a day that your dad won't be here anymore and it might be sooner than you think."

"I'd rather stay in bed."

"Did I say that was an option?" she muttered and he groaned. She reached for the clock on the nightstand and turned it just so. Midnight shone back at them in glaring red. "I have a shift in three hours and I'm on your service."

"I'll take Ev to daycare and meet you there. Make rounds and replace the dressings in the burn unit. You know what needs to do what." Her smile was slight. "When do you get off?"

"Tomorrow at noon so I can't have your chicken anyways. I can cook dinner and take Ev out of daycare for a few hours before you get back. Then I have some Chief Res stuff to do and I'll just oversee any critical patients you have. You need to talk to him." Getting up, she picked up her sleeping robe and tied it around herself as he rolled onto his stomach, watching her go. "Text me if you really need me, okay?"

"Always do." She smiled, running over to kiss him chastely. When that wasn't enough, his hand brought her down for a few more kisses. "Have a good day, alright? I'll see you soon."

"You too."

.

""Does Bailey know you're kidnapping her mice?" Emily asked as Meredith flipped through her notes. Opening the drawer, she took out a candy bar and peeled the bar before hopping on the couch.

"No. I prefer it to stay that way."

"Dr. Moore," a nurse called, poking their head around the corner. Emily sat up as the nurse continued, "Dr. Sloan's asking if you've ran labs on Erik Schultz?"

"Yeah, they're in his chart and I sent him a text regarding the case." The nurse nodded before leaving as Meredith huffed.

"Look at you. He sent a nurse to deliver a message instead of summoning you. Talk about favouritism," the blonde teased and Emily rolled her eyes.

"I'm his wife. I deserve a little favouritism considering I gave birth to his spawn. You know last night was the first time we had sex in like… eons"

"I hate you. You and Sloan get to work together and still manage not to fight." Sighing, Emily frowned and stopped eating on her snack.

"Yeah, but that means I don't see him. Since I got Chief Resident, I've been working all the time. Maybe we don't argue because we have other things on our mind. Besides, I think we've had enough arguing for a while," she admitted, thinking back to just before their marriage. Checking her phone when it buzzed, she sighed when it was a text from Jackson confirming he could tour tomorrow. "Hey, can you lead post-rounds tomorrow? Lexie's leading pre-rounds and I have Jackson on touring med students."

"Yeah, sure."

April came in. Meredith turned and began to explain something about the mice rejecting islet cells. Getting up, she bit off the end of the chocolate bar and threw the wrapper into the waste bin. "Clean this up when you're done," she ordered, waving a hand at the mess of her room. "I am not running a pitstop for a biker gang."

.

Mark waited until his dad woke up, closing the chart when he stirred. He sighed, getting up and setting the chart on the table at the end of the bed. Altman was to operate after a final set of scans in two days time. The tumor was shrinking remarkably. It was almost a miracle.

"Mark?" Richard Sloan's eyes opened to meet his son's cool gaze. "What are you doing here?" Turning to close the door, he locked it and pulled up a chair.

"I'm here to talk."

"I thought… you made it clear you didn't want to-"

"I'd do anything for my wife. She's the only reason I'm here. She thinks that if we talk about our _feelings_ and _problems_ , we'll be fine. But what we have, we can't fix." He took a deep breath, twisting his wedding ring on his finger. "Emily's made me a better person, and she's still hopeful. I'd like to give her the benefit of the doubt. What are you doing here, Dad?"

"I wanted to see you. You're still my son, even if you don't think you are," he replied calmly and Mark sighed, leaning back in his chair.

"So you get into a crash and the first time in years we've talked, is when I find out you have a malignant sarcoma that's metastasized to the lungs, liver and kidney. Great first impression." Mr. Sloan was quiet and Mark continued, "Who knows?"

"No one. Since your mom died—" Mark stiffened at the thought. All these years and the sound of those words strung together was like a knife carving into his chest— "I've been alone. Haven't really found someone who can tolerate me enough to stay." A laugh, cold and harsh, bubbled in his chest but Mark stuffed it down and he snorted instead. "Janet was one of a kind. I'd assume your wife is the same?"

"If I lost her, I wouldn't know how to function," admits the younger Sloan. Similar to how Richard Sloan had broke down once his wife had passed, Mark thought. "But… I'd keep it together for my son."

"Mark… I tried the best I could."

"Yeah, I'm not so sure about that. You and Mom always went to these parties. That was fine by me. But at least she was the one who picked me up from Grandma's on weekends." He looked to the ground, refusing to stare at the man before him in the eye. "I didn't even know she died for three days. You didn't even tell me - I had to learn from Grandma that some guy stabbed my mom to death just because he could."

"Mark-"

"She was my _mom._ " The stinging in his eyes made him blink hard and he found himself feeling much younger than he was. "You don't get any excuses for what it was like after she was gone. It was _hell._ "

"I tried the best I could."

"You didn't." The two words came out through gritted teeth. "You just thought you had an excuse for ignoring your son."

"Mark." A new voice made him turn around and he saw Derek leaning against the doorframe. Noah was beside him and he stood, wiping his hands on his lab coat. "Come on." Going over to his friends, he brushed away stray tears from his cheeks. A hand rested on his shoulder and Noah's face appeared before him.

"We have a surgery in an hour," the older Moore reminded gently and Mark breathed in deeply, the fire he had been feeling simmering down. "I can send Emily to do pre-op. She is on your service and you wouldn't have to worry. Besides, I think Jay likes her." Mark rubbed a hand over his face and rolled his shoulders back as they walked through the halls. Spotting the nurse's station, he perked up.

"I'll meet her there. Can you page Dr. Moore 703 to room 413?"

"Right away."

"Thanks." He turned to his two friends. They still gazed at him in concern and he struggled with a new topic. "How's your mom?"

"Eh." Noah allowed it to slide for which Mark was grateful. "I've been avoiding the room since someone let it slip that I'm actually related to her." Sheepish, Mark shrugged with a smile but it didn't quite reach his eyes. "As for the surgery, Derek, I hope you've got something."

"I do, but I still need to wring out the kinks. Lexie's… still tryna keep up." The neurosurgeon's slight frustration was clear as day and Noah let out a laugh, crossing his arms.

"Don't let Jacks hear that. He worships the land she steps on," said Mark.

"Dr. Shepherd, Dr. Grey's asking for you." Turning, the three attendings looked at a nurse. Derek sighed, following after her. Mark watched him go before glancing at Noah.

"I should probably head for the kid before Em yells at me. See you in an hour, Noah." Slapping him on the arm, the plastic surgeon brushed past him and walked for the elevator. His mind was troubled but he wouldn't let it show.

.

Debriding the burns along the patient's leg, Emily smiled behind her mask at the man who groaned in pain.

"Is there really no other way?"

"Nope." He laughed uneasily as she slowly peeled away a fragment of skin. Putting it in the metal container, she watched as the blood flow made the skin underneath a healthier tone and set down her tools. Covering the shin completely, she made sure that the dressing was layered on and stood.

"Rest. A nurse will come by to change the dressings in a few hours. Until then, reflect on life." He gave her a thumbs up and she walked towards the bins, tearing off her gloves and gown. Pager beeping, she unclipped it from her belt and saw the special page her and Mark shared.

 _703 - 413_

.

"Did you ever talk to him?" Emily asked and Mark paused for a moment.

"Hm… yeah." He avoided her eyes and Noah glanced up at him. "Skin graft." Taking the flap from the metal tray, she gently layered it over the kid's infected foot. "Good. That fits perfectly." Beginning to sew it up, Mark made sure Emily got good perimeters. "You know it's not too late to change to plastics."

"And become as by the books as you?" she mumbled behind her mask, cutting the thread. Her smile could be heard and he silently let out a relieved sigh she couldn't tell he was preoccupied. "I don't think so."

"You're hurting his feelings," Noah scolded by the abdomen before asking for more suction. "Who made you mean when I wasn't looking?"

"You live in Boston. I've had a bunch of time to be mean." Emily sighed once she was finished and Mark double-checked her work.

"We're done here. Noah, you need extra hands?"

"Nope. You guys can go."

The husband and wife left the O.R., scrubbing out. Emily's eyes rested on Mark. She could tell he was hiding something. Wiping her hands on a towel, she watched him grab a towel for himself.

"Can you tell me?" _Damn._ Maybe he wasn't as slick as he thought he was.

"Maybe when you come home," he said, not looking at her and she nodded. Hand on his shoulder, she pushed herself up to kiss his cheek before throwing the towel in a bin and walking out.

.

"April… you know you didn't have to do that." Emily flipped over the sheet, reading over the schedules. They were color-coded and everything and normally she'd be more genuine but after a long surgery with Taylor, she couldn't deal with it.

"You've been so busy lately, I just thought that maybe you could use some help. Page me if there are any discrepancies." Smiling, she rubbed April's arm and the redhead left. Emily ran a hand down the O.R. schedules and entered her office. Hanging up her lab coat, she took out her phone and set it on the table. Collapsing on her couch, she sighed heavily and tossed the clipboard onto the table as well.

Running her hands over her face, Emily released her hair from its ponytail before glancing at the clipboard. Lying down, she rolled away from it and faced the back cushions, using one of the on-call pillows she'd stolen. Just as her eyes began to close, her phone rang and she blindly reached for it. It was Mark calling to FaceTime.

"Hey," she whispered about answering the phone. The brightness kind of stung her eyes as she squinted against the already dimmed screen. He was walking somewhere but she couldn't tell due to how dimly lit it was. "Wasn't there supposed to be chicken making?" Mark raised his eyebrows at her but she only blinked. "What?"

"Em, it's ten at night. Why would I be making a chicken at this hour?" he inquired a bit harshly and she glanced at the time in the upper right corner. She hadn't even realized. God, they must both be exhausted.

"Are you okay?" she asked, a bit nonplussed.

"I just wanna see you." He said and she sat up, snuggling against the couch. He was wearing his leather jacket he hadn't worn in years - not since they first met. It brought back memories.

"That's cute," she teased half-heartedly in an attempt to make him smile, eyes drifting close before snapping open. His face didn't even twitch. "You've seen me now. Can I hang up?"

"No." He stopped and looked up just as she heard a knock at the door. It clicked open and she raised her head. "I want to talk to you about my mom." Mark stood at the other end of the couch, light from the hallway seeping in. Hanging up, he pocketed his phone as she returned hers to its place on the table. He shed his jacket and kicked off his shoes, closing the door and locking it before sliding onto the couch with her. Now alert, she made room for him as he sat by her feet. Grabbing her ankles, he slowly extended her legs across his lap and she lays down.

"You don't have to-"

"I feel like I do." Propping herself up on her elbows, she frowned. Hand on her ankle, he leaned over to kiss her lips. His other hand cupping her face, he stared into her eyes, dead serious. There was something vulnerable about the flickering in them and she stroked his face, nodding. Kissing him, she brought him closer and he crawled up against her. Shifting so he could slide in on the inside between her and the couch, she let him rest his head on her chest. His arms wrapped around her waist.

Hands running through his hair, Emily glanced down at him. "You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to," she reminded one last time but he didn't reply.

"My mom died when I was young. It wasn't even… I don't remember that day because I didn't know she died until three days later. I… I think it was sunny but it could've been cloudy and I was at school. I-it was a Friday but it could've been any other day of the week. I went to Derek's house like I did after school and then my grandma picked me up after dinner. That's what makes me think it was a Friday. That was normal - my parents went out on Fridays but then again, they went out a lot every day because I was the least of the worries so my grandma sometimes picked me up from home so I wouldn't feel so alone.

"I stayed at her house for three days and that was weird. Normally, she'd drive me home or to school but I don't think there… that there was school. It was the weekend so Mom would pick me up Saturday afternoon—" Over time, his voice had grown thick and she felt something in her chest tighten in sympathy— "and she never came. Gran was crying but I thought it was because she was watching one of her stupid soaps. It took me three days to know she was dead. I - I didn't understand why my grandma had to tell me that she was dead. My mom never hurt anyone - she was innocent. She wasn't the best mom, but she was what I had and I never even said goodbye. She was just _gone._ "

When he stopped talking, Emily waited for him to continue before realizing it was because he was crying. Tears dampened her shirt as she hugged him closer and he let out a sob. Throat closing, she kissed his hair and held him tight, not knowing what to say - unable to say anything at all.

 **A/N: Edited - December 2, 2018**

 **Next: Put me in, coach.**


	67. (S)He's Good to You

**A/N: Even though it's three days late, this fic is two years old! In celebration, I have written this huge chapter in thanks. Thank you for all your support! Lots of love!**

* * *

 ** _Why am I not surprised you two found each other?_**

 _-Miranda Bailey_

* * *

Laughing upon Arizona's failure to catch the ball, she walked over to where Mark was at first base. When Jackson smashed the ball, she had run to home, closely followed by him. Squirting water into her mouth, she swallowed and smiled at him.

"Nice throw," she complimented and he smirked.

"You like that?"

"What if I do?" Chuckling, she brought him down for a quick kiss. His gloved hand came to her waist and she was about to pull away when he reached for another kiss.

"Sloan! Hey, Sloan!" Derek was yelling at them and Emily vaguely realized they should probably listen but she merely chuckled, feeling his lips leave hers.

"Yo!"

"Focus! Hello?" Emily smiled to herself, kissing him twice more before pulling away.

"Okay." Still in his arms, Emily found herself cupping his face and kissing the corner of his mouth before walking behind the fence. His eyes trailed after her and when she glanced over, their eyes met. With a wink, she twisted her shoulder towards her in a coy image before heading for the dugout.

"She's good to you. It's sickening," Lexie teased as she ran past and Mark rolled his eyes at her before slapping his gloved hand.

"Play ball!"

.

"You should stop spoiling me," Mark scolded as she stared at him incredulously. Setting the tray on his lap, she fiddled with the fluffy robe belt cinched around her waist. Today was the day of the game and she knew it meant nothing, yet nerves tangled in the pit of her stomach.

"I haven't had enough chances to do so,"

"I'm married to you. That's being spoiled enough."

"Don't get sappy on me, Sloan," she warned. "How do they taste?" Rolling his eyes, he cut a slice of the waffle and popped it in his mouth. The flavours come gently, sweet and fragrant.

"These are really good."

"Good. Now I'm going to pump my breasts before going for a run. It's your turn to bring Everett to daycare." She turned and headed back for the living room as he enjoyed his breakfast in bed. Confused at her sudden even-more-than-usual generosity, he finished off the waffles and fruits that had topped them before getting up and setting the tray in the sink. Everett was in his highchair and upon the table was a bowl of fruit puree.

"Hey, kid," Mark greeted as he grabbed his own bowl and poured himself some cheerios before adding milk. "What's on the schedule, today? Crying? Napping? I think we should work on finding a new favourite toy. What do you think?"

"I think he doesn't care as long as he's with you," Emily called from the couch. Mark sent her a look and she challenged it when she glanced at his bowl. "Sorry my breakfast wasn't good enough."

"No, it's just we gotta fuel up for the game."

"Baseball? Really? Our asses are gonna get whooped no matter how much we practiced, or didn't practice." She turned back to reading his notes on endoscopy head and neck cancer resections. He was still deciding whether or not to focus on this or facial reanimation. On one hand, one was a longer term project he's had since nearly two years ago while the other was… well, cooler.

"Hey, that may be true but we're a team." Everett took hold of his bowl of pureed fruit, and raised it up before letting it drop to the floor. The spoon clattered as some of its uneaten contents splashed out. Mark sighed, grabbing it and placing it back on the high chair table. Everett only took the bowl and dropped it again, waving happily with his spoon. Again, Mark picked it up but before he put it back in his place, he held a finger at his son.

"If you do that again, I swear-" Everett simply responded to his father's half-sentence with a drop of his spoon. Mark fell silent, staring at the plastic red spoon that had the dinosaur tail in the shape of a club in what appeared to be hopelessness. "You're lucky you're my son," he said and Emily chuckled from the couch. "Oh, you think this is funny?"

"Yeah," was her smug response. "I was the one stuck on maternity leave. It's kinda like seeing you get a taste of your own medicine." He picked up the spoon at last and set both plastic items in the sink. Washing them thoroughly but quickly, he set them on the drying rack before grabbing a damp towel and wiping away the puree from the tile. He wrung out the towel under a stream of water before hanging it to dry and then walked up behind his wife.

"You're evil," he whispered, brushing her hair back and she smirked, eyes still trained on his work. Pecking her forehead, he got up and picked up his son. Everett squealed as Mark carried him over to the changing table. "Alright, kid. It's you and me against the world today since your mom hates us. Whaddya say?"

His only response was a gurgle.

.

Walking into the lobby, she popped out an earbud as she still regained her breath from her run. Clad in tight grey yoga capris and a vest over her sports bra, Emily shifted her bag on her shoulder as she squirted a jet of water into her mouth. Sliding the bottle into her bag, she leaned over the desk for her charts.

"Here you go, doctor."

"Thank you." She paused her music and flipped through the first binder. Only a day before her mom's surgery and coincidentally, Mark's dad's resection surgery. Weird.

"What'd you do?" Raising her head from reading, she looked over to see Jackson catching up with her. Approaching the elevator, she pressed the button to go up. "Sloan's been letting me do pretty much all of his surgeries."

"He's been cooking because he's bored, and he likes you because I insisted that he gives you a chance." The elevator doors opened and she entered. "Are you complaining or are you thanking me?"

"Both," he replied, a twinkle in his eyes. He followed in after her and she flashed him a smile. "He has a knack for making me feel like a prostitute." Chuckling, she brushed back hair from her sweaty forehead.

"Itt's part of his natural charm."

"Oh, it's charming alright," Jackson drawled sarcastically. The doors opened and in walked Taylor. "Dr. Jacks."

"Hey, Taylor," Emily greeted and the blond gave them both a wide smile.

"Pumped for the game?" He looked to the elevator lights as they ascended once more. "Can't wait, but I heard we're gonna lose pretty bad."

"Probably," Emily snorted, recalling the gossip of the nurses. When the doors opened again, Jackson stepped out with a half-wave and only the two remained. There was a nervous energy bouncing off Taylor and she glanced at him, eyebrows knitting together. "You have something to say."

"No-"

"Taylor," she warned and he sighed.

"Lex moved out," he admitted at last. "She went back to Meredith's."

"Oh, and are you okay with that?" The blond surgeon shrugged. "Is Lexie okay?"

"Hard to tell these days. Shep's working her hard. Seems we don't have time for a relationship - even for surgeons." The attending was visibly frustrated and it wasn't hard to tell why. Being in a relationship with someone who didn't share the same pictured future was hard. Emily merely squeezed his arm.

"She's ambitious," she said.

"Tell me about it." The elevator doors opened and they both exited. She began her way to the Chief Resident's office. Following after her, he merely sighed. "It's not my place to say anything. We'll stick it out - maybe she'll change her mind." The brunette doctor frowned, mulling his words over as she dug through her bag for the key.

"Right. Maybe you should talk about it more," she advised and he sighed again. "Or not." Unlocking the door, she stepped in and gave her friend a smile.

"I don't know how much longer I can wait, but I'll try." He matched her smile with one smaller before walking past, hands shoved in his pockets. Chewing her bottom lip, she watched him go for a moment and then closed the door to change into her scrubs.

.

: _if i have to talk to my dad, you have to spend more than two minutes with your mom:_

The text was read once Emily scrubbed out of a surgery with Bailey. Sighing heavily, she pocketed her phone and turned, leaning against the sink. Looking over at her, her old resident gave a quick inspection of her mental state.

"What's got you so twisted up?"

"Mark wants me to check up on my mom," she informed, making a slight face. Bailey's face softened when Emily let her hand drop, the other coming to pinch the bridge of her nose. "It's none of your concern, sorry."

"You're right, but that doesn't mean I won't care. You're one of my babies, Moore, whether you like it or not."

"Yeah, but it's - we were never close," she says, eyes trained on her sneakers. "Not like how you and George were, or how you and Meredith are. Sorry, I should just go-"

"Hey, I may not be able to understand what you and Sloan are going through, but I'm glad that he's in your corner. And who cares if it looked like I played favourites, I still taught you and it was always a breath of fresh air. With everyone else in your group having their own drama, it was nice to teach someone who never had a single personal problem interfere with her work." A fond smile crossed her face when Emily removed her hand from her face and looked at the shorter woman. "Despite what I thought and who he was, you've changed Mark Sloan for good, Moore, so hold on to him. He's good to you."

"Thanks," she whispered as the attending walked past. Emily took a moment for herself and then dug out her phone. The time was 10:00 AM on the dot. The game was in five hours. She could last that long.

 _:i will.:_ With that text sent, she pushed off the sink and left the scrub room. Taking off her scrub cap, she stuffed it in her pant pocket and went for the elevator, immediately pressing level three for the neuro wing. As the elevator began to move, she backed up and leaned against the rail. Her head pressed against the wall as the doors opened. Navigating through the halls, she spotted Derek at the nurse's station.

"Hey," the brunette greeted and the neurosurgeon looked up immediately.

"I just got a new set of your - of Mrs. Deluca's aneurysm. Because it's so large, instead of a clip, I'm thinking using a stent to divert blood away from the aneurysm."

"A flow diverter," she said and he nodded with a hum. "What are your chances?" she asked and he took out a set of CT scans and MRI scans. Holding it up to the light, Emily could see how huge it was, how easily it was prone to burst.

"Confidently? Seventy, seventy-five percent. Hm," mused Derek, brow furrowing, "maybe eighty." Emily knew he was lying to make her feel better and she accepted that. The surgeon pulled her hair out of her bun and shook out her curls absently. "I'll try my best."

"I know. I don't - It's not her I'm worried about."

"You barely know them," Derek murmured, glancing at the room where Andrew and Carina were nervously hanging around. When Carina spotted Derek looking at them, she began to make their way over. Emily brushed hair away from her face but to be honest, the tall Italian woman made her a bit uneasy and self-conscious.

"Dr. Shepherd, we have some questions regarding the surgery tomorrow," the woman began and Emily took it as her chance to slip past them. Ducking her head, she ignored Andrew's questioning glance and headed for the door. Twisting the knob open, she sucked in a breath and forced herself in.

Sofia Deluca rose higher on the bed and Emily forced herself to meet those eyes.

"Did Dad know?" The first words that come out are callously said. "That you cheated on him?"

"Milly-"

"Answer the question," she growled, rage growing like a everlasting fire in the pit of her stomach. She tried to quell it with softer thoughts but failed. Her throat as small as a needle, she tried not to let her lips tremble from the betrayal and anger she felt for this woman.

"Yes." Something chipped off, landing in that pit of her stomach and smoldering before being set completely aflame. Taking in a quivering breath, she finally closed her eyes. "Your father is a good man, a man better than what I deserved, and when I found out he… was unfaithful, I thought it was my chance."

"To marry some other man?"

"To marry the love of my life," Sofia stated coolly. Tears began to cover her eyes with a sheen but Emily refused to let them drop.

"I thought Dad was the love of your life. I… I thought _we_ were your kids." Though her voice was deep with pain, there was a high pitched whimpering behind her words. "For so long, I wanted to know if you were even _alive._ How could you just leave us like that? Like we meant nothing?"

 _Damn,_ she thought. Hot ribbons of salty tears race down her cheeks as she rubbed at her face in frustration. Sniffing, she ignored how Sofia reached for her before pulling away when she had noticed what she was doing.

"I don't answer to you," she finally said when she had calmed down. "Not anymore. But you will answer me. How can you lie there and act like nothing is wrong?" The completely chilling note of her voice shocked even her as Sofia Deluca recoiled at her daughter's voice. "Act like you didn't betray me, betray Noah, betray _Dad?_ Remember him? The man you always told me was the man you imagined spending the rest of your life with."

"It wasn't a lie."

"Then, what was it?"

"I met Leo when he came to America for a business trip. I fell in love with him, I make no apologies for that." Sofia's eyes glossy, she ducked her head in shame. "I'm only sorry that I hurt you." Jaw clenched, Emily tried to make herself less of a mess but it was so hard seeing her mother, someone she had loved with all her heart, admit that her parents' love story wasn't real.

"I don't - I can't even—" She stopped, trying to collect her wits and thoughts— "For so long, I was so _angry_ at Dad because he drove you away. Now, I see it's the other way around."

"Your father is happily married to his new wife."

"He was happily married to _you!_ " Emily screamed. "Stop trying to justify what you did! Stop trying to make it seem like it's anything but _your fault our family is in pieces._ " Taking steps forward, she ran her hands through her hair, clutching near her roots as she paced.

"Emily, calm down."

"You weren't here! You were never here!" Just like that, Emily became that lonely university student who had no one to lean on, that med student who was forced to swim before she even knew how to float. Then, she was the woman in the ambulance, watching two men bleed out before her eyes, and then the surgeon who saw Tom's life slip between her fingers. When at last she became the woman who was almost a widow before she was even married, and stayed like that, haunted as she saw herself dig gauze into Mark's wound, her eyes became poisoned daggers and Sofia Deluca flinched back, deathly afraid of the daughter who would never raise a hand against anyone. "You were never here for me, for Noah, for _anyone._ How could you be so _selfish?_ "

.

Mark's hand stopped above the knob when he heard those words. Now, every single kindness Emily had ever bestowed on a patient made more sense than ever. He knew the Deluca siblings eyes were on him, watching his move and decided to make his entrance upon hearing the next words.

" _Would it have been so hard to explain, to tell me what the hell was going on in your head?"_

That was his cue, before he knew his wife would break down. Opening the door, he immediately made his presence known by confidently striding towards her and pulling her into him. The woman on the bed, startled, looked at him like he was both a godsend and a hell spawn for touching her daughter so intimately.

"Excuse us for a moment," he said and pulled a crying brunette out of the room and to the nearest on-call room, shielding her from prying eyes. Unceremoniously pushing her inside the room, he closed the door behind him and locked it.

"Mark - she - I couldn't-" Every word came out mumbled, shaky and he barely understood anything as she crashed into him, arms coming up around his waist as she held onto his top like a lifeline. Standing in that on-call room, they merely stayed in silence until she calmed down significantly and resorted to just standing in the dark, the only light filtering through the blinds. He held her head to his chest as she let her arms fall limp by her sides.

"It'll be okay," he whispered and she nodded numbly against him. Looking up through shining hazel eyes, Emily raised her left hand to hold and he reached up, interlacing their fingers. Swinging their locked hands down, he leaned to kiss her forehead before engulfing her in another hug again.

"It was good to let it out," she admitted a few moments later and he merely hummed in response, content to just sway together. "We don't have work tomorrow, do we?"

"No, we don't."

"Good." Pulling away, she wiped at any stray tears and grimaced at the wet stains on his top. "Sorry."

"Don't sweat it," he said, waving it off as he cupped her face. Brushing away the final tears, he kissed her fully on the lips. "I'm sorry I told you to go talk to your mom,"

"I'm sorry I told you to go talk to your dad," she replied and he half-smiled.

"Look at us with mommy and daddy issues."

"Mark."

"Whatever. It's done." Sliding his hand down to her shoulder, he committed her face to memory as if he had never done it before before pulling away. "And we have to get back to work. Are you gonna be okay?"

"Definitely," she said. Her voice quivered just a tiny bit but still she lead the way out the on-call room. She turned away to go back down the hall and Mark shoved his hands in his pockets, watching her go.

"Dr. Sloan?" Turning around, he pulled his labcoat tighter across his chest to hide the tear stains. Andrew Deluca stood before him. "Is she okay?"

"She's fine." Walking past him, he felt the stare follow after him as he walked up to Derek who had watched the interaction from afar. "Tell me you've got something."

"It's huge. I've never seen anything like it," he confessed and Mark surpressed a frown. "I'm hoping to know more once I get in there." Derek's lips pressed together and he refused to look at him. "How's Dick?"

"Altman's pretty confident. I'm not. Derek, I don't want him dead, but I don't want to ever see him again." His best friend's blue eyes met his. "Make sure her mom makes it."

"I pull off miracles for a living. Don't worry about me. I won't crack under the pressure and run into the woods." Mark only _humphed_ and looked to his shoes - sneakers Em had bought him for his past birthday.

"It's not you I'm worried about. I can't lose her again," he said hoarsely, at last looking at Derek again. "Not like Boston."

"Mark-"

"You save her."

Derek sighed, "I'll try."

.

The game sucked ass.

Mark hated when Emily was right sometimes, but he guessed he didn't mind when her beer-washed mouth pressed against his.

"Goodnight." Jackson stood, brushing past Emily's and Mark's legs.

"Night, Avery," Mark called after his apprentice.

"Night, Jackson."

Taylor took a swig of Meredith's canteen before handing it to Emily. "Come on, Lex. I'll drive you back." The two took off and Emily waved after them. At the other end of the bench, Meredith, Derek, and Alex were speaking and the two Sloans glanced over.

"I just got a message from Janet. I guess the judge got in touch with her. He's looking at Zola's files. We're gonna get a court date."

"Hey! Congratulations, Shep," Mark exclaimed, sliding down the bench as Meredith's face beamed like the sun.

"We're getting a hearing? We have a hearing."

"We have a hearing." Meredith laughed, pecking her husband on the lips before kissing Alex's temple.

"We're getting a hearing." Emily leaned over to give her friend a hug, kissing her cheek as the drunk blonde took her husband's hand. Derek stabilized her as the two Shepherds left.

"What'd you do?" Emily asked with a glance at Alex.

"Nothing." Emily rubbed a hand over his head and leaned over to kiss his head.

"Okay…" she trailed off dubiously before turning back to a more-sober Mark. "Take me home," she mumbled to her husbandand he nodded, pressing their faces close.

Taking her hand, he ran a thumb over the ring as he jumped off the top stair of the bleachers. He turns around and plucks her from the top, carrying her down to the ground. Her arms looped around his neck until she was securely on the ground. He took her hand again and she leaned against him as they walked back to the car.

"Did you ever realize that the necklace you gave me before Alex and Izzie's wedding…" she trailed off and he raised his head from hers, glancing down at her.

"What?"

"The ring is like the one you gave me when we were married," she said and he chuckled, pressing a kiss to her temple.

"Yes. That's what I was going for."

"You're sappier than I thought," she teased and he growled, nipping at her ear. "Come on, let's get some dinner. I'm starving."

.

Walking into the hospital, she held Mark's hand as he pushed their son on a stroller. They had made a game plan. First, they'd stop by the cardio wing since the surgery was scheduled for earlier, at around 9 AM, then they'd watch for a bit before Emily went to go to her mom's procedure. Everett squirmed and Emily picked him up.

Everett swung his hands and Emily kissed his cheek as they headed for the elevator.

"Whatever happens, we'll make it." The words startled him and he looked over at her. "Whatever happens, we'll make it."

"We'll make it," he repeated and their fingers interlaced. She squeezed his hand and he squeezed hers.

.

" _Navigating to the left lung. There's the tumour. Alright, bovie."_

"Hey." Noah came in, sitting on the other side of Mark. "How's the surgery?"

"Going smoothly for now. Altman said the heart is what she's worried about. She's hoping it hasn't invaded the aorta but she won't know the damage until she gets in there," Mark murmured, leaning on his knees and placing his clasped hands before his lips. "There were no tumours in the right lung."

Everett let out a cry at that moment and Emily, sitting at Mark's feet, sighed and gave him the dolphin although months ago, he had elected to deny it at every turn. As per previous experiences, Everett turned away and proceeded to grab at his feet. Noah grinned, picking up his nephew as Emily leaned against Mark's knee. He weaved his fingers through her hair and she took his hand.

"And after they're opening him up?" Noah asked and Mark nodded. The pediatric surgeon stood, pacing back and forth. He took out his phone, checking on the time.

"Em, surgery's in ten minutes."

"Okay." The brunette didn't look away from where Teddy began to resect the tumour. She absently tugged on the blanket Everett was resting on. Folding it up, she slid it into the diaper bag before getting up. Mark's gaze followed her and she leaned down, a hand on his shoulder.

"Everything will be okay," she whispered and he closed the distance between them. Their lips glided over each other's and she savoured his presence before pulling away.

"See you in a bit."

"See you in a bit." Straightening up, she ruffled his hair before walking to the exit with the diaper bag left beside him. Noah descended the steps and placed Everett in his father's arms. Her gaze lingered on the two of them, her two boys, before Noah urged her forward with a hand on her shoulder.

Her brother kept her close under his arm as the two travelled to the neuro wing. In the room, Mr. Deluca, Andrew, and Carina were all inside as Derek spoke to them. The bed was gone - she must've been taken up to surgery already.

Mr. Deluca looked up and saw the two siblings lingering by the window. Emily wanted to shrink away, to meld into her brother's side or hide behind him but he stayed firm.

"Can they come in? They should hear this, too." At that, Carina and Andrew turned to the window. Lexie went to the door, swinging it open.

"They're doctors - they know what's going to happen," said Derek.

"And Carina is, as well. She's their mother; they should hear it." Noah and Emily walked in slowly, unsure if their presence was welcomed. The brunette detached from her brother, resorting to just holding his hand tightly.

"Mr. Deluca, with all due respect, she's their mother." Noah directed a look at the other pair of siblings. "I don't want you to lose your wife. That's a common courtesy."

"Right, well, I have to get going if I'm going to save Sofia's live." Derek gestured for Lexie to follow. "Dr. Grey,"

"We'll bring you updates," the younger surgeon promised before following after her mentor. Emily turned to watch them go but Noah remained firm in his stance.

"You should probably start heading to the waiting room," the pediatric surgeon said stiffly.

"Noah - that is your name, yes? - she told me a lot about you. She said you were in the army." Carina looked at her father sharply.

"I was with Doctors without Borders," he informed. "I came back from service a few years ago. I'm afraid you have me and my sister at a disadvantage. We don't know who the hell you are."

"Leonardo Deluca - I'm an accountant."

"Oh, so she went for someone with a more profiting job," Emily muttered under her breath and Noah barked out a harsh laugh. Covering his mouth, he sent a glance at his sister who winked in response.

"Noah Moore, one of the most foremost pediatric surgeons in the world - not to brag," he said with a shrug. "You probably already knew that though, since you apparently knew we existed and we didn't know _you_ did." They shook hands almost amicably. "T'is my sweet sister."

"Emily Moore."

"Oh, don't stop now. She was personally invited to work with Harper Avery and is the best ortho resident I've ever seen." Emily felt a cold wave of shock wash over her. Noah was proud of his little sister, he always made that clear, but to brag about his achievements and hers… it was unlike him. Emily turned to look at him, to really read his expression and found that underneath that smile, she saw something desperate to prove they didn't deserve to be abandoned.

 _You know we didn't deserve this,_ she thought, _so why are you trying to prove it?_

"That's… that's fantastic. Andrew himself is working to become a surgeon as well and Carina is a fifth-year resident."

"Doctor genes seem to run in the family," Emily said through gritted teeth. "Unfortunately, because you're family, you can't be in the gallery during the surgery. So, if you'll excuse us, Noah, may I speak to you for a moment?" Pulling her brother out of the room and down the hall, she opened the nearest supply closet and shoved him in there.

"What?"

"What the hell was that? You know I don't like _bragging_." His fingers clutched at his hair and he shoved a bin. "Hey!"

"That man gave our mom two perfect kids. One is becoming a surgical resident since he was an EMT and I've talked to him. Maybe not as much as I should have, but he's funny, and kind, and sensitive. The sister is your age, give or take a few years. She works at a prestigious Italian hospital."

"So? I get it, she used them to replace us because we're fuckups."

"Aren't the parallels uncanny?" he finally inquired softly. "The son, an emergency response for medical aid, a surgeon; the sister, at a prestigious hospital, fifth-year, one of the best residents in her year. I don't think she realized it but she used them as a substitute for _us._ "

"What are you saying?"

"Okay, we both have issues."

"Yeah, you're a mess."

"I'm being _serious_ here," he snapped and she crossed her arms, leaning against the wall. "I need something, okay? I need something to hold on to. You were a kid but I was halfway across the world and when I came back, she was gone. I have abandonment issues just like how you have PTSD." Emily froze at his words. "Since Mom left, I thought Theresa would leave me. I thought she would take the kids and go. I was never there - I… wasn't there for their births. I missed out on their lives. I realized that's exactly what Mom did to you."

"No', why didn't you ever tell me?" For all her life, her brother was a rock. Always there to welcome her with a smile, always there for a hug or a conversation, the one who _understood_ her when no one else did.

"It's not exactly over-the-table dinner conversation, is it? It's not a big thing."

"Still-"

"Is your PTSD a big thing?" She was deadly silent and he swallowed. "How could I tell you when I left you, too?" His hazel eyes flickered to meet hers and she bit her lip. He sighed heavily, "And you had your own problems - you were living your own life. I'm the big brother. I should be protecting you."

So the gene that made Emily so recklessly, dangerously selfless lived in Noah, too. Funny, that.

"Hmm, so, what's the point of spreading out all of our achievements ever?" she questioned and he leaned against a metal rack, hands in his pant pockets.

"I don't know. I feel like I need to prove to them like… we didn't fuck up. We didn't fuck up with Mom, or Dad, that wasn't our fault. The way Mr. Deluca looks at us, like we're something to be pitied - a fucking _pair of kicked puppies_ \- I can't stand to be stared at like that. I have this need to prove to him that we're… we are better without her help. We grew up. You have Mark and Everett and a _family._ So do I."

"But…" she prompted, sensing that it was there somewhere.

"But it still feels like a competition, like they don't have to prove anything but we do because she left us so there must be something wrong, _right?"_

"Noah, you can't think like that. We're different from _them._ "

"Of course we are. It's just not so clear once you step back and see it for yourself," he remarked. At her quirked eyebrow, he offered a half-smile. "We look like a huge family, Em, and it's crazy. If—" he stopped, then restarted— " _No one_ would guess we're only half-siblings based on how we look."

"Well, Carina is a step-sibling," she said and he shot her a look. "I guess I kinda get it. But, maybe you shouldn't put it like that. You make yourself seem more arrogant than anything." She took a deep breath.

"Yeah, that was always Mark and Derek's thing," he replied and she exhaled sharply in response, too somber to laugh.

"I hate this."

"Well, she's gone after recovery, and we'll never have to see her again. The kids seem alright, though, so maybe I wouldn't exactly throw a fit if I ever see them again."

"And the mister?"

"Whatever. None of my business." She snorted at his response and he opened his arms for a hug. Immediately, she embraced her brother tightly.

"Promise me you won't brag to them again."

"I can't promise that but I'll try. I like showing off my little sister."

"Haha," she said sarcastically. "It's not a competition. You'll always be my favourite brother."

"I'm touched," he whispered against her head and he pulled back, pecking her forehead. "Come on, let's get up to the gallery."

.

" _It's a beautiful day to save lives. Let's have some fun."_

.

Mark felt another presence behind him and raised his head. Emily was just in the next door gallery so when Arizona sat beside him, he offered a smile.

"How's it going?"

"They just started the resection of the heart tumour."

"Oh. That's good. Did they get good margins with the lung tumour?" she asked and Mark leaned back. Everett squirmed at his father's sudden movement but didn't stir from his nap.

"Yeah." Noting that Arizona was in a scrub cap and in a gown, he surmised, "You just get out of surgery?"

"What? Oh, yeah, it went fine," she said with a bright grin. "I just wanted to check in on you. Callie and I are taking turns between surgery."

"That's cute but I don't need babying."

"Callie thought otherwise. You don't have anyone - Derek's in surgery and the Moores have Derek's surgery to worry about, so here I am." Clasping her hands, the blonde turned to look through the glass.

"Do you want to hold him?" asked Mark and Arizona tilted her head.

"Hm? Oh, sure." Getting up, he stretched before excusing himself for the bathroom. After he went, he popped by Derek's surgical gallery. Noah and Emily were watching in rapt attention.

"Hey," he said, startling them both out of their reveries. Guess they were more alike than Mark realized. "How's your surgery going?"

"Fine," his wife replied. "Derek's just opened her up."

"Okay… good." He quickly darted in, cupping his wife's head from behind and pressing a kiss to her hair before retreating. He knew she smiled as he returned to his own gallery in lighter spirits. Then, he heard the beeping.

Running into the gallery, he stood before the glass.

" _Clamp. Yang, suction!"_

"What's happening?" he barked to Arizona who had risen to her feet as well. "Arizona-"

"The aorta is dissecting. He came in on a motorcycle crash, right?"

"Yeah-"

"It must be sequela to the open-heart surgery he had when he first came in. Altman and Yang know how to fix it. Don't worry."

" _Dacron graft."_ Plopping back down, he covered his face with his hands and leaned back into the chair to sit down. Arizona settled back down, Everett still in her arms.

"I think Everett wants his daddy." She extended the child between them and Mark looked up, taking his child without hesitation. "You know you're a great dad, right? You don't have to worry about becoming like him."

"Thanks," he muttered, not quite believing it. No matter what, Addison's words always lingered whether he noticed them or not.

"Mark, you're not him. I see it in how you hold your son, in how you babysit Sofia. You don't have to worry about being a bad father - I don't think it's possible." Arizona's soft smile coaxed out one of his own and he nodded.

" _Vitals stable._ " That caught their attention and Mark leaned forward, seeing Teddy look up at him with a nod. He breathed a sigh of relief and sat back once more.

.

" _What the- Is that what I think it is?"_

" _Dr. Grey,"_ Derek's voice cut through Lexie's shock with a well-meaning glance at the siblings in his gallery. Noah got up and reached for the intercom.

"Derek, what is it?" he asked and the neurosurgeon paused, tools in his hands. He seemed to be confused, trying to plot out his next move. " _Derek._ "

" _There's another aneurysm right beneath the first._ " Emily felt something lodge in her throat and she couldn't quite breathe. Pressing her hands against the glass, she glared as hard as she could until she was sure the glass would melt.

"Can you clip it?"

" _The aneurysm would block it. We'll just have to be careful."_

"So, now what?"

" _I go slow, I go steady, and I try to prevent from rupturing the second one."_ Emily glanced at Noah who removed his hand from the intercom and sighed. " _Dr. Grey, inform the family-_ "

"Derek, wait. We'll do it."

.

"The scans didn't show the second aneurysm because it lies right beside the first, which was large enough to begin with." Noah said, hands behind his back. Mr. Deluca inhaled sharply and he turned away, hand fitted over his eyes.

"So, now what?" asked Andrew.

"Dr. Shepherd is removing the second aneurysm. With luck, he'll be able to remove it without it rupturing. Don't worry, he's very good," Noah consoled. Emily clenched her fists loosely, wanting to walk away.

"We'll come back with an update if need be," Emily said and the two turned back to head back up to the gallery."

.

He rocked Everett's car seat that they could connect to a stroller. The child was fast asleep, his dolphin snuggled against him. Mark had half-convinced him to take it back.

"Hey, how're you doing?" Callie asked, coming in with two plastic boxes. Handing one over to him, she cracked hers open and dug into her salad with her fork. "They only had sandwiches, sorry."

"It's fine," he replied, cracking it open and digging into the basic tuna-lettuce sandwich. "And I'm fine. There was an aortic dissection but they fixed it. Now they're resecting the heart tumour."

"Oh, that's good. It looks like they're getting good perimeters."

"Yeah. Hey, what time is it?"

"Almost one." Callie's hand wrapped around Mark's and the Latina smiled at her best friend. "I can take Everett off your hands for a while. You look exhausted."

"He's sleeping, for now," he said, blinking. "He's the only thing keeping me sane at this point."

" _Sats are low."_

" _The tumour is eating away at the tricuspid valve; we need to get control of this bleeding. Suction, Yang."_ The two friends darted to their feet and Mark felt his breath hitch and catch in his throat. The beeping of the monitors had his heart beating in his toes and in his head all at once.

" _B.P is dropping."_

" _Damn it. 5-0 vicryl, let's_ move! _Yang, suction."_ Taking the suture, Teddy began to try and sew the wound close. Mark looked to the monitor in the corner of the gallery and swallowed tightly. The tumour had eroded the tricuspid wall. Removal would mean tearing a hole too big to fix but leaving in would mean the tumour would eat through the whole valve.

" _B.P. returning back to normal."_ Mark's knees felt weak and he stumbled back. The two cardiothoracic surgeons stared at the beating heart, one that wore itself thin because of the extra weight on one of its main valves. He was gonna be sick.

Pushing past Callie, he walked as calmly as he could down the hall and out the double doors. He leaned against the wall by the O.R. board and tried to swallow down the acid burning his throat. Closing his eyes, he tilted his head back and tried to calm his breathing.

"Sloan?" Prying open his eyes, he saw Hunt looking at him. "Your dad's surgery go okay?" He didn't answer, simply pushing off the wall and continuing down the hall. Stuck in a daze, he found the nearest on-call room and lay down on the bed. His head felt light and he wasn't quite sure he was still in the same reality until the door opened.

"Hunt told me he saw you come in here."

"Callie," he groaned, not opening his eyes, "I just need to be alone."

"I'm not leaving my best friend alone when he needs me and I know Em wouldn't want you alone. Come on, you need to take a break from this floor. Let's go to the nursery." Mark sat up and glanced over at her, seeing her hold the car seat and the diaper bag slung over her shoulder. He swung his legs off the bed.

"Let's go."

.

" _Okay. Give me a titanium long clip."_ Emily pulled at her fingers fretfully as Noah tensed beside her, leaning forward. " _Lexie, pull the first aneurysm up and suction,_ "

"I don't like this," Emily murmured and Noah made a noise of agreement. "Come on, Derek." The neurosurgeon slowly navigated the clip underneath the first aneurysm and was just about to clip it when blood flooded the view. She gazed up at the monitor in the corner and saw only red.

" _Damn it. It ruptured."_ The high-pitched beeping of the monitors made her hair stand on end and she couldn't tear her eyes away.

" _She's hemorrhaging."_ There was the sound of the suction, the feel of Noah's hand clamped on hers as the two doctors worked to clear the field. There was so much unending blood and Emily's internal clock as a surgeon, one that could count minutes to rough accuracy, knew that they only had five minutes to clip the aneurysm, and even then, there was a high chance there could be neural deficits.

She couldn't hear anything except that beeping. It echoed in her head as Lexie continued her best to suction the blood coming out of the brain like a squeezed sponge.

" _You're going in blind?"_ The words cut across her haze and she snapped her gaze to the actual surgeons just as Derek inserted the clip. His eyebrows furrowed, he let the clip snap shut and withdrew just as the beeping stopped. Lexie dragged the suction across to soak up the remaining pools of blood.

The beeping slowed and resumed it's normal, rhythmic pacing. Emily leaned back into her chair and curled up, leaning against her brother who pressed his lips against her hair.

" _Dr. Grey, would you like to close? I'd like to tell the family."_ Derek glanced up at them, a smile hidden behind his mask. Despite the chance of neural deficits, he had saved her after all.

" _Of course, Dr. Shepherd."_

.

Emily ran down the steps just as Derek exited the scrub room and she grinned, slapping him lightly on the arm.

"Going in blind was stupid," she scolded but he shrugged.

"It saved her life, didn't it?" he retorted and she conceded that point as Noah came down the flight of stairs to shake his best friend's hand.

"Nice save, Shep, _I guess,_ " he added teasingly. The three of them headed for the waiting room where the Deluca family were waiting. As Derek updated the family, she felt noticeably lighter. Her mom could leave - she could put this whole past behind her. She _had_ to tell Mark and ask how his dad's surgery went.

"Thank you, Dr. Shepherd," Leonardo Deluca hugged the neurosurgeon. "Thank you."

: _mark wru?:_ She sent the text with one hand while watching the good news be delivered from afar. Glancing up at Noah, she read his lips, ' _Go.'_

She squeezed his arm and went for the elevator just as her phone dinged.

 _:daycare:_

The response was succinct and she made her way to where her husband was. Preparing herself, she entered slowly at first and then saw Mark, one hand on the stroller and the other on his phone. His back was to her.

"Hey," she announced her presence and he turned. Tears were streaming down his face and she immediately enveloped him in her arms. Taking his face in her hands, she wiped away the tears.

"Talk to me, please."

He leaned down to kiss her and she allowed it. "My dad's not gonna make it," he said. "The tumour eroded the tricuspid valve - there was nothing they could do." He was quiet for a moment, and then asked, "Can we go home?"

"Of course." Pulling herself up by his shoulder, she kissed him thrice on the lips before taking the stroller and pushing Everett forward. Mark had a hand on her hip and she wrapped a hand around his waist, allowing them to push the stroller together. "Wanna order a pizza? We can watch a movie."

"Wanna watch Iron Man?" he asked quietly and she leaned against him.

"I'll watch whatever you want," she assured and he sighed, pecking her forehead.

"Let's go home."

 **A/N:** **It's crazy to think we have 300+ followers, 200+ favourites and reviews, and over 100k views. I'm absolutely astounded. From the pit of my heart, I adore every single one of my readers. Thank you. As a celebration, I have completely gone over this fic, editing all 67 chapters and improving the dialogue, adding new scenes, and new storylines as well. Thank you, once again.**

 **Next: Mark decides what to do with his father.**


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